Work Text:
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe…
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain”
Roy Batty, Blade Runner
Wednesday, October 12
t.jeff: Are you still getting lunch?
a.ham: Yeah, I’m on my way back from Continental Corner. You want anything?
t.jeff: Stop, don’t come back to the building.
a.ham: Um, what? Why?
a.ham: I’m not letting you win the next debate, I have to work.
t.jeff: For fuck’s sake Alex, I don’t care about the debate. Please just do it.
a.ham: I’m at the corner of Lincoln and Johnson. Now tell me what’s going on or I’m coming back.
t.jeff: The building’s in lockdown. Someone pulled the alarm, there’s a shooter on the lower floors working his way up.
a.ham: Fuck.
a.ham: What? Where are you? Are you okay???
a.ham: Have you called the police?
t.jeff: I’m okay, I’m in the break room with Lafayette and James, we’re all fine for now. I think someone called the police?
t.jeff: I’m not really sure, everything happened so fast.
a.ham: I called the police, just please stay safe.
t.jeff: Trying my hardest to.
t.jeff: Fucking hell, I can hear him shooting a couple floors down, what the fuck?
a.ham: Breathe Thomas, keep your head on straight.
t.jeff: Alexander Hamilton telling me to calm down? That’s hysterical.
a.ham: Excuse me, I can be calm as shit.
t.jeff: When was the last time you were actually “calm”?
a.ham: Monticello, two months ago.
t.jeff: That doesn’t count, you spent half of that trip in the post-orgasmic haze and the other half typing furiously on your laptop.
a.ham: Okay, staff meeting last week.
t.jeff: YOU FELL ASLEEP THAT’S NOT CALM.
a.ham: SHUT UP YOU’RE GOING TO GET EXCITED AND ALERT THE SHOOTER.
t.jeff: Yeah I think I just heard the stairwell door open, being quiet might be a good thing.
a.ham: Holy fuck.
a.ham: Stay low and stay quiet and please for the love of God be careful.
t.jeff: Doing my best.
t.jeff: Jesus, where the hell are the cops? It shouldn’t take this long to get here.
a.ham: I don’t know, the 911 operator said they were dispatching police immediately.
a.ham: Just stay alive, they’ve got to be here soon.
t.jeff: I know I know.
t.jeff: And to think I was really looking forward to ripping Adams apart in the debate today.
a.ham: Ha, he’d deserve it. The prick finally shows his ugly mug around here and we don’t even get to stomp on him.
t.jeff: Why does Washington keep him around, he’s never here. Does he even have a real job?
a.ham: Only if his job is laying down enough bullshit I could drown in it. I want to punch him every time I see him in the hall, ugh.
t.jeff: Wow, something we agree one. We both want to punch John Adams in his bullshitting face. Washington would be so proud.
t.jeff: Although I’m not sure what it says about us that we’re agreeing on our mutual desire to punch a coworker in his stupid face.
a.ham: We’re probably violent.
t.jeff: I think that’s a safe assumption and holy shit did you know that gunshots are really loud? Because they are REALLY fucking loud.
a.ham: Focus on this, Thomas. Keep talking to me, try to block it out.
t.jeff: I’m trying, I’m really really trying. I can just hear him shooting down the hallway and walking around because it is silent up here and it’s never silent, mostly because you never shut up, and I don’t fucking know what to do.
a.ham: Firstly; wow, thanks for that call out asshole. Secondly; take a deep breath, you need to stop hyperventilating.
t.jeff: How did you know that?
a.ham: Your sentences run on when you’re anxious or worried. I do the same thing.
t.jeff: Huh.
t.jeff: And you’re welcome for that amazing call out, by the way.
a.ham: Fuck you.
t.jeff: Isn’t it the other way around? :)
a.ham: We are NOT talking about this right now.
t.jeff: I have a question.
a.ham: Okay, what?
t.jeff: Lafayette’s praying. Is that something he does often?
a.ham: No…
t.jeff: Fuck.
t.jeff: We’re going to die in here, aren’t we?
a.ham: No no no no no. You are not going to die.
t.jeff: Lafayette is praying. We are locked in a break room. I can hear him shooting down the hall. How can you know?
a.ham: I don’t fucking know! But I can’t lose anyone else, I can’t lose more people I care about.
t.jeff: Alex.
a.ham: I can’t Thomas, I just can’t. Please.
t.jeff: You know I love you, right?
a.ham: Stop.
t.jeff: Alex please. I know you never give anything easily, but please give me this.
t.jeff: You know?
a.ham: Yeah. I know.
a.ham: I love you.
t.jeff: I know.
[10 minutes pass]
a.ham: Thomas?
a.ham: Thomas please.
a.ham: For Christ’s sake, answer me.
a.ham: The police are finally here, they’re on their way up, okay? Just… I don’t know, stay alive.
a.ham: Please be alive.
Wednesday, October 19
a.ham: It’s been a week.
a.ham: I don’t know why I’m still texting your phone, you aren’t going to answer me.
a.ham: But it’s nice to talk to you, pretend for a little while.
a.ham: Your funeral was beautiful, you would have loved it. Big and loud but small and intimate, ostentatious but quiet. Composed of contradictions, and yet contradictions resonating in perfect harmony when they should be dissonant. Beautiful. So much like you.
a.ham: Angelica got the church to allow us to play that jazz you always loved. Everyone from the office came. Even John Adams showed up. And no, I didn’t punch him. That was something for us to do together.
a.ham: Sometimes people will still call your name, asking for some file or something before they remember. The office goes silent when that happens. It’s strange, but people are adjusting. No one goes near the break room.
a.ham: James barely talks to anyone. He feels guilty for what happened: he won’t say so out loud, but he doesn’t have to. He won’t look at me, and that says enough.
a.ham: Laf’s a mess. He was holding you, in the break room. He wouldn’t let the medics take you away from him, he carried you out of the building. We’re both staying at Hercules’ apartment – I don’t think either of us can stand to be alone. I don’t know if you ever knew, but however much you meant to me, you were family to him.
a.ham: What am I talking about, of course you knew. You had a sense about that sort of thing.
a.ham: I can’t go home. Everything there looks like you, smells like you, has your fingerprints all over it. Every object has a memory, every room has your shadow, every mirror has your reflection trapped in it. I can’t bear seeing you out of the corner of my eye and turning only to find that nothing’s there. You were standing there a week ago; you were smiling at me and giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me to change my tie so that it looked better with my jacket. And then suddenly you just disappeared.
a.ham: We were supposed to go to Monticello, remember? For Christmas. We’d just started planning. I know you thought you were being stealthy and sneaky, but I knew. Figured it out when Lafayette couldn’t stop himself from smiling every time he would see me in the hall.
a.ham: I would have said yes. You know I would have said yes.
a.ham: You told me you loved me, when you were sure you were going to die. Laf said you wanted him to make sure that I knew that. I knew, Thomas. I always knew, and I loved you too. I still do.
a.ham: Say hello to Mama for me. I'm sure she adores you, almost as much as I do.
a.ham: I love you, Thomas. I love you so much.
a.ham: Please tell me you knew.
a.ham: Please.