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Maki sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter. Saihara had a way of packing that made him look like he was apologizing for doing it at all. His girlfriend, Hasegawa, was much more decisive. Bossy, even. She packed like she'd been given a mission.
It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't not awkward.
"Remember, if you ever want to come to one of our events we'd love to have you!" Hasegawa chirped, shoving the last few things of Saihara's toward the door.
She had that gooey optimism that Danganronpa seemed to inject into all of their protagonists. The DR Survivor's Coalition was filled to the brim with the type. Hasegawa was the current PR director. It was admittedly a good fit.
In hindsight, it had been arrogant to think they were the only survivors of Danganronpa that would have a problem with the company. They'd been the ones to blow open the fourth wall and demand a vote, but there were plenty of people in the outside world who hadn't cared for Danganronpa at all. Especially after experiencing it.
Shirogane, it turned out, wasn't an entirely reliable narrator.
"Right," Yumeno said and Hasegawa waved, then bounced off with a few of the bags, leaving Saihara alone with the two of them again.
Saihara fiddled with his bangs a moment before Maki took pity on him.
"We'll miss having you around. Feel free to visit anytime."
"And call us lots! We'll be calling you too!" Yumeno chimed in.
"Right. It's just—hard. I don't know. I feel like I should—"
"You should grow a backbone."
"You're not going to Antarctica!"
Saihara laughed, relieved. "Yeah. I'll talk to you later."
He picked up the last of his bags, hesitating by the door.
"Bye!"
"Goodbye."
"…Bye," Saihara said and took the last of his things.
"You'd think we hadn't had about twenty goodbye conversations."
"Well, it's hard. Especially for someone like Saihara. He's sensitive," Yumeno said, with a straight face. Maki diplomatically chose not to mention her crying fits. She'd probably have another one tonight when they were in bed.
She stretched, and grabbed the broom. Saihara's departure hadn't been that messy and he was a generally clean roommate. But dust always found a way when things were being moved around. The living room and kitchen had the worst of it, since the apartment's plan meant the open concept duo was in the middle of all the tromping around.
"Harumaki," Yumeno said. "Do you think Saihara is making a mistake?"
Maki tilted her head back. "Probably. It isn't going to hurt him that much, though. There's no good way to say Team Danganronpa gave you a type."
Yumeno slumped.
"Hasegawa is nice. The worst that'll happen is they don't work." Maki sighed. "Some things you have to learn on your own."
"We're probably not qualified for love advice either. Love spells are always the trickiest."
Maki swept the last bit of the living room dust into the pan and dumped it.
"Besides. All Danganronpa survivors have the same problems." She tucked away the broom and hopped onto the counter beside Yumeno. She'd have to clean that counter later, but that was fine. "Who else are we supposed to date?"
Yumeno was quiet, staring ahead.
"No one else has been a fictional character. No one else has had to go through those trials and motives. It just makes sense."
"I guess." Yumeno turned, so that they were looking at each other. "Do you think it would be a mistake if you dated someone?"
"…A mistake?"
"I dunno. I think about Tenko sometimes. And Angie, a little bit. If they survived—"
She went quiet again, before huffing.
"If they survived, would we try to make it work? I dunno. But someone new…it's been a year. Saihara did it. What about me? What about you? It's weird to think of someone new coming in. It was weird with Hasegawa."
Maki didn't like to think about that sort of thing. The closest crush she'd ever had was on Momota and even if Shirogane had been lying about the extent of her script writing…It all felt tainted. Even if Shirogane had limited control over them, she'd still set it up and Maki had tripped right into it.
It was partially her fault he'd died at all, illness notwithstanding, because she'd tripped right into that too. Everything about the ordeal made her sick.
Love, maybe, made her sick. Or maybe just the idea of it again with someone new. How fragile relationships could be. She only trusted herself around Yumeno and Saihara. Maki didn't like the thought of letting someone else in.
A therapist probably could have helped, but the ones Danganronpa had were obviously corporate and the ones outside ran the risk of liking Danganronpa. It'd be like finding a needle in a haystack while stepping on broken glass.
"I wouldn't want someone new," Maki finally said. "I don't think I could do it. Saihara is just too different from me."
"…Me either."
Maki supposed she'd never understand that aspect of life. Another thing ripped away by the girl she used to be.
It was almost time for lunch, so she slid off the counter, intent on asking Yumeno what she wanted. Yumeno cooked dinner and Maki did breakfast. On days off they alternated lunch. Even before Hasegawa, Saihara had spent most of his time flitting between the Survivor's Coalition offices.
Maybe that was why it was so easy to let him go. Neither Yumeno or her had the heart for that kind of work. Every time she'd tried, it just shoved Danganronpa in her face more and more till she felt like she would choke from it.
There were enough other people working to end the show. Everyone understood when they'd stepped back.
Maki felt weak for stopping back then.
Now she felt relieved.
"Yumeno, what do—"
"I need to ask you something!" Yumeno blurted out, staring at the ground.
"Okay?"
"If it's upsetting I'll cast a curse on myself. Every time I get a haircut, the hairdresser will cut it three inches too short!"
"I don't think you need to go that far."
"Well. Maybe I think that I do." Yumeno tugged down her hat. It was a beanie with a point, much like a witch's hat. One of the other survivors had crocheted it for her on her twenty-first birthday. "It's serious, so I should be serious."
"Be serious, then."
"Nyeh, when you put it like that it makes me want to take it back…"
"Yumeno."
"Okay, okay." She fidgeted with her hat again. "There's someone I've been...thinking about. I already know 'em, so it isn't weird."
A strange pang shot through Maki's chest. "Kiibo?"
"What? No! He doesn't have any memories, so he doesn't count."
There were thirty different versions of Kiibo between the survivors Maki had met. None of them were similar. The fifty-fourth was still in limbo, more like a blank slate than a person. If Danganronpa season fifty-four ever came out that'd change, but luckily it hadn't, despite Team Danganronpa's efforts.
But if it wasn't him she was talking about, then who?
"Who, then?"
"You!" Yumeno's face had gone entirely red.
"What…?"
Impossibly, she grew redder. "We could…" She went quiet, quiet enough that Maki had to strain to hear her. "We could date."
"So, what, we date because that's the only option left…?" That sounded awful. Maki wouldn't want to risk her one of two relationships on a whim like that. The pang in her heart grew stronger.
"No, no, no. Argh, I did this all wrong. That isn't what I meant!" Yumeno stomped her foot, scowling. "Okay, what I wanted to say is that we really already like each other and get along and live together and feel safe together and you're really pretty so if you wanted to, we could date."
Maki tapped her fingers against the counter. It was easy to push the strangeness she felt away. Maki had a lifetime of memories doing the same. Focus, she had to focus. The sudden turnabout in the conversation discombobulated her and he had no idea why Yumeno would be saying such things now.
Was it a fit of jealousy? But Saihara had been dating Hasegawa for a while. The moving out was the new part. Maybe that was it? Maki would never move out if they were dating.
"I don't know…are you sure you've thought about this? If it's just about being lonely—"
"I was thinking about it because I don't want you to leave—not because I'd be lonely but because I'd miss you. Even if you left I'd think about you and call you every day, Saihara didn't do that." She paused, shuffling and looking down. "And I don't want to think about you with someone else…"
"And what if it doesn't work?"
"T-then, I don't know but we could try?"
Chewing her thumbnail, Maki considered it. She felt agitated, almost. Like she was about to erupt from her own skin. She chewed harder, wishing she'd seen some sort of sign, but she hadn't even been considering romance.
Maki had been so focused on surviving in the post-Danganronpa world that she hadn't thought that way about anyone. Even Momota, if he'd lived, probably wouldn't have been exempt from her withdrawal.
Thinking about it, though—
It was a little terrifying. The three of them had been a unit for so long, even with Saihara leaving it wasn't because of a schism with Yumeno and her. If there was one, what would happen?
And—She still wasn't sure Yumeno was entirely serious. Serious in her head maybe, but not her heart. Maki knew she was grasping at straws, but the frenetic energy that suddenly overwhelmed her made her reach anyway.
"What do you like about me? She finally said, wiping her nail on her skirt. "Romantically or whatever, what is it?"
Yumeno blinked. "Um—I like how serious you get about the little stuff, like when you were doing couponing. It was cute. And I like how pretty your hair is and how you still sleep closest to the door to protect us. And how red your eyes are and your mole and how you keep buying grandma sweaters—"
"Okay, okay. Do you want to die?" Maki stoically ignored the flush that had crept up her neck. Yumeno snickered, but her twisting hands told another story.
"If you don't want to, it's fine. But—I do sometimes sniff the bathroom after you put perfume on."
"Is that supposed to convince me?"
"I dunno," Yumeno shrugged, tucking her hands behind her back and slanting her eyes to the side. "But I want you to know I'm serious. I thought about it. I keep thinking about it. I could live forever here with you. I'd like it."
Speechless, Maki stared. Yumeno's hands were going awfully fast and she suddenly stilled.
"Um, I think I have pushed hard and I wanna keep the good hairdresser I have, you know? So I'm going to give you space."
Her stare never left Yumeno's back as Yumeno crossed the living room and opened the door to her room. She turned and shifted through the fridge, at a loss of what else to do.
She couldn't stop thinking about it, suddenly. Like the energy she'd felt needed to go somewhere and her thoughts were the only place left.
It wasn't like they hadn't done romantic things. For the first year together, they slept together. Saihara had been there the first three months, but then he'd gotten in his head about it. But Yumeno and her had continued.
There were the outings, too. Yumeno took her places, she took Yumeno places. And after Saihara had started to spend more time away, they'd become more intimate settings.
These were things close friends did, yes. But they were also what couples did together.
The missing piece prodded Maki as she cut vegetables.
Yumeno had mentioned her hair, her scent, and how she looked. That was much more romantic. Did Maki feel the same? She hadn't let herself consider anything but one step ahead in so long.
She'd missed so much, trying to shake off Danganronpa.
Yumeno was cute. That was undeniable. Her hair was an uncommon red that drew the eye. Her eyes were a warm brown. Maki could admit being partial to her smile. She could remember Yumeno's wide grin after she'd let her get away with 'Harumaki' the first time. The warmth always coiled within her when she thought about it.
The teasing, too. Yumeno was funny when she wanted to be. Even on her darker days, Yumeno could cheer her up.
But further than that, Maki didn't know. The past Danganronpa gave her wasn't one where she could consider her own wants and desires. The killing game had been overwhelming, shoving her close to people for the first time she could remember and letting her drown in it.
And until now she'd been just—surviving.
The oven's timer ticked down, the vegetables roasting quietly. She cooked the rice in the rice cooker. And then she leaned against the counter, face in her hands. Her chest ached.
The time to move on had long passed. Saihara was moving on. Yumeno announced she was ready to move forward. Was Maki ready?
It wasn't like romance was a great leap forward. A step to the left, maybe. A different path. But not so terribly different that she couldn't imagine it.
Maybe she wanted to imagine it.
She plated everything and stared at it, before knocking on Yumeno's door. She balanced the plates carefully.
"Mm, Harumaki?" Yumeno said, poking her head out.
"Let's eat in your room."
Most of the time anyone at the apartment ate together, or at the counter if they were alone. It wasn't as if there was a rule against eating in their rooms, they just hadn't wanted to.
"Uh—okay…"
The small table between the bed and desk fit everything okay. Maki picked at her food, staring at the posters on Yumeno's walls. She'd seen them before, a million and one times. Bands and movies and one magician that had nothing to do with Danganronpa.
"I'm still not sure." Maki admitted. "I don't know if I'm capable of a relationship like that after everything Danganronpa did."
"Haru—"
"No, these are my honest thoughts. It's shit, but I want to be honest, especially with you." She took a deep breath and held it for one, two, three, and four. "So that's why I'm willing to try. Because I couldn't imagine it being anyone else. And I want to try. Because it's you."
Yumeno's eyes were wide, her head tipping to meet her cupped palm.
"But that's what I've got, sorry." She shoved a bite of rice in her mouth, chewing slowly.
"No—that's fine. I wanted to give you space so you wouldn't jump right in, you know that, okay?"
Maki swallowed. "I don't know if time would change my opinion. I think what I want is to try. It could be good."
The 'it could be bad' held in the air between them.
A step to the left, Maki reminded herself. The same things she already did plus—well plus some others, that when imagined didn't seem so bad at all.
"Well, then we're gonna go slow. Every mage has a slow spell, so it'll be easy."
"I don't know about easy…"
"You gotta trust me, I know what I'm talking about!"
Maki doubted that. But, the smile came unbidden to her face. She wanted to give it a shot, because she did like Yumeno. How, she wasn't entirely sure, but why not try?
She already thought staying forever with her was the only way she could think of moving forward. This was just—something different, but maybe not so different at all.