Chapter Text
I didn’t really know what changed it for me.
It was just another grocery run to the shotengai, and I had nothing going on for me that day, so I tagged along with Tohru, who happily obliged me. There wasn’t anything remarkable going on when it happened. Just that, while Tohru prattled on and on about the superiority of dragons, I happened to glance at her, and she glanced back at me and smiled.
Maybe it was my residual hangover, or maybe it was an unusually bright morning, but in that moment, sluiced in the warm rays of the sun, Tohru glowed. From the strands of her golden hair, to her fiery-red eyes, to her unblemished skin, and the fabric of her maid’s outfit—her scales—every inch of her sparkled so much that I couldn’t help but stare. It was a bewildering phenomenon, to say the least.
“Kobayashi-san?”
I didn’t realize I’d stopped walking, and Tohru was ahead of me by a few paces.
“Is something the matter?” Tohru asked, visibly concerned.
“No,” I said, collecting myself. “I was just thinking about work is all.”
She frowned at that. “Kobayashi-san, it’s your weekend off. You should really take it easy or you’ll get sick again. You humans are just fragile creatures, after all.”
“That’s the death march for you,” I said with a shrug. “And I can’t help being a fragile human.”
“Well, I’m cooking you your favorite tonight, as a thank you for working so hard this month. After we get home, you should just sit back and relax, and let Tohru do all the work!”
“I’m eternally grateful,” I said, sliding my hands into my pockets and falling in step with her. Tohru grinned at me, and capered on ahead.
“Let’s hurry up then, Kobayashi-san!” she said with an enthusiastic wave. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go home, and the sooner you can pop open a beer and watch TV!”
“You really shouldn’t enable my day drinking,” I told her, but she was already bounding for one of the nearby shops.
/ / /
I wasn’t particularly interested in sex or romance. I always felt like the odd one out in that regard, listening to my classmates gush over their boyfriends. Back then, when someone asked me if I was dating anyone, I told them, no, I wasn’t. Between my studies and my part-time job, I didn’t have the time, the energy, nor the money to spend on another person. Even as a fully-fledged adult years later, work was so demanding that I had to be wise about where to expend the remainder of my resources.
I searched it up online and apparently I could be asexual. My quest to figure out my identity became a rabbit hole of numerous articles and accounts of people who’ve had similar experiences. Very interesting stuff. But then I realized, I didn’t care for labels either. It didn’t matter, because I wasn't interested in committing to any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise.
But Tohru changed that for me. Plenty of times, I found myself wondering where we both stood in relation to each other. Tohru dedicated a life of servitude to me, professing herself my maid, even though I never agreed to it. Granted, it was my fault for inviting her over in the first place, but before I knew it, Tohru had already integrated herself into my life. I didn’t expect our contract to last, but for some inconceivable reason, it did.
Tohru’s attraction to me was perplexing at best. I couldn’t understand what someone with decades-worth of worldly experience and the power to bring about Armageddon could see in a regular, shut-in human like me.
I felt guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate her feelings, too. Not in the way she wanted me to. To be honest, it freaked me out: the idea of intimacy. The idea of sex. Again, it made me ponder the whole sexuality thing. I was never attracted to anyone, and no one was attracted to me. I never went on dates, and had zero experience in anything romantic or sexual. It all just seemed like so much work.
“Would you like some sake to go with that?”
“How about another treatment for your back pain? You can lie down on my tail.”
“Shall I wash your back tonight, Kobayashi-san?”
Tohru waited on me hand and foot, every hour of every day. She lavished me with attention that bordered on obsessive. She was extremely possessive of my time and my attention, and oftentimes, I found myself frustrated with her and her blatant disregard for my feelings. I gave her the bare minimum in return. And she contented herself with that.
I thought I was content with it, too, until that one, uneventful morning. Until that moment when she smiled radiantly at me, until she ran ahead and waved at me from the shotengai entrance, her grocery bag dangling from one arm.
We went home, and Tohru immediately set to work, preparing lunch while I relaxed in the living room with Ilulu and helped Kanna-chan with her homework. After that, I got up to grab a drink from the fridge, and Tohru went, “Ah, I’m sorry, Kobayashi-san, I forgot your beer—”
“It’s alright,” I said, reaching for the glass pitcher of barley tea. “You’re busy cooking, and anyway, I’m not in the mood for alcohol.”
Tohru fussed over the smallest things. It was a wonderful trait of hers since maids are expected to have a keen eye for detail, and Tohru delivered well. That’s why these rare, tiny slipups didn’t bother me. If anything, I was impressed by how meticulous she was with her work. She was a diligent housekeeper, an expert cook, and a very attentive steward. I recognized these talents in her, but I complimented her sparingly because she tended to let these praises get to her head.
“Lunch is ready!” Tohru announced, and me, Kanna-chan, and Ilulu sat at the dining table, our dishes arranged in neat order. I inspected my food, and then stole a glance at Tohru, making sure she didn’t sneak in any of her tail meat. It turned out to be a normal, dragon-flesh-free meal.
“Wow, Tohru, this is really good!” I said, and Tohru preened at the compliment.
“Well, Kobayashi-san, you can always show your appreciation by—”
“No,” I said, shutting her down before she could finish the rest of her sentence. Her idea of expressing gratitude always involved something appallingly lewd.
Tohru sighed, crestfallen. “A dragon can dream,” she said wistfully.
I raised my eyebrow at her, and she simpered. I remembered her smile from earlier, and my heart did a funny thing: it skipped a beat. I ignored it, and focused on my food.
“Gochisousamadeshita!” we all said after we finished eating, and Tohru cleared away the table. She washed the dishes while me, Kanna-chan, and Ilulu hung out in the living room. We played video games together, during which, Tohru joined our company with a basket of clean laundry. While she folded our clothes, she remarked about how ridiculous it was that a monster could die at the hands of a mere human. I shook my head at her.
“Let humans win for once,” I told her. “Even if it’s just fictional.”
“I suppose I can allow it,” she replied, her nose in the air.
Tohru got up to stow the laundry away, just as we wrapped up our gaming session. Kanna-chan curled up on my lap, and Ilulu settled on the corner of the couch, and both dragons promptly fell asleep. Meanwhile, I continued to scroll through my phone. Tohru returned to the living room and settled at my feet.
“Tired?” I asked her.
“Dragons never get tired,” Tohru scoffed.
I snorted. I stared up at the ceiling, remembering my life before I met Tohru. “When I used to live alone, I wouldn’t do laundry until I had a day’s worth of clothes left to wear.”
“Oh, I know,” Tohru said. She leaned back against the couch. “I had to do heaps of laundry during my first week living with you.”
“And I didn’t have time to cook dinner either, so I usually ate ready-made meals from the supermarket or bought takeout from a nearby restaurant." I didn’t know where I was going with the topic, or why I brought it up in the first place. “I skipped breakfast a lot on my work days.”
“You had piles of garbage bags by the door and they were all crammed full of disposable containers.” Tohru pressed her side against my leg. Her body felt warm. “Your old apartment was very untidy and disorganized, Kobayashi-san.”
“Can’t be helped. Life as an office worker is tough,” I said. Afternoon sunlight was pouring into the room, lighting up Tohru’s hair again. “Which is why, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me, Tohru.” I patted her gently on the head, and she startled and twisted around to look at me.
“Kobayashi-san?” she questioned. I caught the hopeful gleam in her eye.
“This is all you’re getting from me,” I reminded her, and she deflated. I felt a pinch in my chest. I stroked her bangs in appeasement, and she rested her head on the couch cushion, making a sound that resembled purring. Her tail wagged slowly, then curled itself around her.
I couldn’t decide what she was then, if she really was a dragon, a domesticated pet, or a person. I couldn’t decide what I was feeling as I watched her fall asleep.
When evening came around, Tohru began preparing dinner. She was humming to herself and singing the graphic lyrics of her chaos song. I didn’t chastise her for it this time. I came up to her and offered to help with cooking. She objected.
“It’s okay, Kobayashi-san. You should just sit over there and look pretty. I’ll handle this.”
“I’m not pretty, and sitting around for too long hurts my back,” I said. “Let me help you. I can chop up the vegetables while you prepare the meat?”
“I suppose,” Tohru relented. I took up my post at the counter and began my share of the labor. Tohru was quiet for a while. Then she said, “A master of the household isn’t responsible for performing chores. That’s what maids are for. That’s what I’m for.”
“A master of the household can do whatever they wanna do,” I said in return. Tohru took pride in her work, I knew that, and sometimes she had the odd tendency to hog all the duties to herself. Again, a praiseworthy trait of hers. Maybe I was selfish for insisting on my way. “And a maid is expected to respect her master’s wishes. And I wish to spend my time here, helping you.”
She looked at me, and I could see the gears in her head turning. I quickly added, “No funny ideas, Tohru. I wanted to make sure you didn’t mix in your tail meat with the food.”
She sighed. She was very predictable this way. “Kobayashi-san, you’re such a tease.”
“That’s all on you, misinterpreting everything I do and say.”
“So mean!” she wailed, and I chuckled.
My heart felt lighter that night.
/ / /
We’ve been playing this cat-and-mouse game for a while. Tohru giving chase, and me refusing to be caught. I won’t deny that I didn’t enjoy Tohru’s attention, if just a teeny bit. Was this what it was like to keep someone on a string? One time in high school, I overheard my classmate, the most popular girl in our year, boast to her friends about how she could manipulate boys into doing her homework for her. I didn't like that. I wasn’t one to pass quick judgement, but that kind of deceit was so off-putting to me.
But wasn’t I doing the same to Tohru? Then again, I made it clear from the very beginning that I wasn’t interested in getting involved with her at all. She chose this life for herself. And she was harassing me. I wasn’t receptive to her advances. I stopped her each time. I set up my boundaries, and I berated her whenever she violated them.
Yet she stayed with me, her loyalty—the loyalty I never asked for—never wavering. I still gave her the bare minimum. I wasn’t going to bow down to the pressure of reciprocating her feelings. I knew, as soon as I gave her the chance, she’d want more from me, demand more.
It just seemed like if I gave in, I’d be losing. I’d be subscribing to this belief that I needed someone else to be happy.
But could I call my life before Tohru happy? Would I really have been able to return to my solitary existence, working late into the night and coming home to a dark, empty apartment, with no one to greet me at the door? Or other nights, stumbling inside, near-black-out drunk, with no one to scold me, telling me they were worried sick? No one to nurse my hangover the next day? And on the mornings before I head out to work, help me into my jacket, adjust my necktie, and bid me a safe return?
The week when Tohru disappeared, I knew my answer: I was pampered and adored, I’d grown accustomed to a certain style of living, but most of all, I… I couldn’t admit it. But the more I watched Tohru, the more I listened to her laughter, to her voice when she scolded me, when she doted on me, when she complained, when she swaggered, the more I realized Tohru’s influence on me ran deep. She reached into a place inside me that I never knew existed.
And Tohru’s desire for me was always there, to top it all off. Tohru was never subtle about her love for me. She paraded it at every opportunity, “to scare off competitors.”
“What competitors?” I asked her.
“Ilulu, obviously! And Elma, and Takiya-san, and that woman at the department store! She was totally checking you out!”
“No, she was just doing her job trying to convince me to buy something.”
Tohru sulked, clearly unconvinced.
“Tohru,” I said, “you know me better than that. Do you honestly think I’d get together with someone just because they said they liked me, or because they’re my coworkers and we’d sometimes go out drinking together, or god forbid, because they told me I’d look good in a frilly blouse and that I should definitely buy it?”
“I think you’d look amazing in a frilly blouse,” Tohru mumbled, scowling at the floor. “You’d look amazing in anything...”
“Please be reasonable,” I said. She was missing the point, as she always did when her feelings went unchecked.
I patted her on the head to pacify her, and she leaned into my touch, her eyes downcast. I really shouldn’t encourage such a behavior, but Tohru needed my affirmation every now and then. So I gave it to her, hoping it was enough, while painfully aware it wouldn’t be. It was just a matter of time. My life span was short and insignificant, and Tohru had better things to do, more interesting people to meet, rather than sticking around with a shut-in like me, with my predictable routines and my introverted lifestyle. Incapable of returning affection, terrified of any sort of commitment, even though I've practically had the ideal partner drop right onto my lap and offer herself up on a silver platter.
Was it truly enough? Would it ever be?
“Kobayashi-san?”
I felt my pulse pick up. What did I want? Who did I want? What was it like to really want?
I didn’t pull my hand away. I could’ve. I should’ve. But I didn’t. I brushed Tohru’s bangs away from her face, stood up on my tiptoes, and leaned in. Her eyes went wide.
I touched my lips to her forehead. It was brief, nothing anyone would’ve made a big deal out of. Then I drew back.
Tohru blinked. She said, “Oh.”
“Was that okay?” I asked.
“Yes,” Tohru said, and she seemed to be in a daze. For someone so eager to jump my bones, I’m surprised this alone was enough to disarm her. It was kind of endearing. “But it would be nice if you could…”
“Do it again?” I finished for her.
She nodded. My heart rate sped up. I didn’t have a reason to humor her. One kiss was enough. If I indulged her, she’d take advantage of it. She’d worm her way in, deeper and deeper, until her soul was entangled with mine.
Our hearts are connected, so next comes our bodies.
But this was just a forehead kiss. This was nothing. This was like holding hands, right? It was platonic at best.
I pressed my lips to her forehead. Firmly, letting my lips linger for a second longer. Her skin felt hot. I pulled back.
I wasn’t sure if I did it right. Was there a wrong way to kiss a person’s forehead? I didn’t know.
Tohru was studying my reaction, like she was searching for something. I felt my face warm.
“What?” I said.
Tohru fidgeted. She batted her eyelashes at me and asked, “Does this mean we get to breed now?”
I cuffed her on the head.
/ / /
She sought out more forehead kisses after that, but I wasn’t as liberal about dishing them out as she’d hoped. I didn’t let my guard down around her, not even once. It was peculiar. I trusted Tohru with my very life, but I couldn’t trust her with my body. I’d let her wash my back sometimes, and she’d brush her hands over the sides of my breasts when she thought I was too preoccupied shampooing my hair. She’d throw her arms around me in a surprise hug, or rub her cheek against my cheek. She’d sneak into my room to cuddle with me, or resign herself to watching me sleep when I kicked her out of bed. I always kicked her out of bed.
Tohru indulged herself in me plenty enough without me initiating anything, and I’d endure it for a few seconds, or push her away and scold her. To her credit, Tohru looked sorry each time. I much preferred it when she whined about being neglected, or begged for some other form of compensation. That way I wouldn’t have to feel as guilty as I did whenever she gave me the saddest face and pulled away, or retreated from my room with her tail dragging limply behind her.
Tohru pushed. Tohru pulled. Tohru did everything within her power to seduce me, but I was obstinate as a rock.
No one wanted me as much as she did, and I was at loss as to how to deal with it. It was ridiculous. Wouldn’t a normal person kill for this sort of attention? And Tohru was attractive, too. I wasn’t dense; I could recognize beauty when I saw it. And people stared at us when we were out together in public: me, a plain, ordinarily-dressed person, escorted by a pretty, blonde girl decked out in a maid's outfit.
“You’re lucky to have her, she’s such a hardworking girl,” a shopkeeper told me one time. And Tohru blushed and said, “Oh, Kobayashi-san rewards me plenty enough at home,” and the shopkeeper gave us an odd look, then grinned, and I chastised Tohru for her choice of words once we were out of everyone’s earshot.
‘Tohru rewards herself plenty enough without Kobayashi’s consent,’ was the better way to put it.
But Tohru seemed to think that my forehead kiss was the greatest reward of them all. Perhaps it was because I never supplied it that it generated so much appeal. People had the tendency to chase after what they couldn’t have—dragons ever more so—and Tohru was especially ambitious. That was a part of the reason I never handed it out: because she craved it so much.
It was special to her. And I realized later on: it was special to me, too. Was it because it lacked any form of sensuality? But then, was that really the case? Tohru interpreted any sort of affection from me as a sexual advance, but this seemed to be one of those unique exceptions. Like a gentle pat on the head, or words of affirmation, these were acts of service that came straight from the heart. They exuded meaning that didn’t hint at anything sexual.
It happened naturally one day. It surprised her as much as it did me.
Tohru brewed me a tasty cup of coffee that afternoon, and at 3PM, headed out to shop for ingredients. Curry rice, I requested, when she asked what I wanted for dinner.
“Ittekimasu!” she bade, and I went “Un!” as I scrolled through my phone. Kanna-chan was over at Saikawa-chan’s house, and Ilulu was out on a date with Take-kun. I wasn’t in the mood to leave the apartment, it had been such a hectic work week for me. I lazed on the couch, and fell asleep.
I dreamed, and felt a rush of air, and heard the powerful beating of wings. Ruby eyes flashed before me, and there was a growling so deep it vibrated throughout my skull.
I jolted awake.
I glanced at the clock. It was past 6PM and no one was home yet. I was seized by a strong sense of déjà vu and leapt to my feet, rushing towards the door just as it swung open. Tohru stepped inside with her bag of groceries. She stopped when she saw me. Me, who was disheveled, my glasses askew on the bridge of my nose, cellphone gripped tight in one hand. I was prepared to call Kanna-chan and Ilulu and Elma-san to help me track Tohru down. I was prepared, and I was terrified that I’d lost her again.
Tohru apologized profusely. “There was another robbery at the shotengai and I had to deal with a group of yakuza-wannabees. Then me and the shopkeepers had to wait for the police and give statements. I might’ve gone overboard and sent a few gang members to the hospital… I’m sorry, Kobayashi-san. I’ll make sure to come home on time. And I won’t break bones or spill blood like I did earlier.”
I adjusted my glasses, recovering from my initial shock. Extreme relief flooded my system, and at that moment, I didn’t care that she’d injured other humans. I wouldn’t have cared if she hadn’t brought home dinner either. I was just glad that she was here, that she’d returned to me safe and sound.
She didn’t realize that. I wanted her to. I approached her, and because she still stood at the genkan, I didn’t have to stand on my tiptoes. I pushed her bangs away, and she stiffened at the contact. With great care, I kissed the space between her brows.
I pulled back and said, “Okaeri, Tohru.”
The worry twisting Tohru’s face melted away. She tilted her blushing face and beamed up at me. “Tadaima, Kobayashi-san!”
Her smile was the definition of the rising sun.
/ / /
I was Tohru’s anchor to this world. I was the reason she remained here. Whatever it was that she sought out during her decades’-long journey beforehand, she’d found it in me.
Or so she said.
I still found myself in disbelief of this proclamation. Surely no one in their right mind would forsake everything for just one person. But Tohru did. She held her head high and perceived all humans inferior to her, but kowtowed to me. She dared challenge God, and was struck down by His Holy Sword. Then she escaped to my world and relinquished herself to the earth, awaiting her death, and that was when I stumbled across her.
“It was meant to be,” Tohru claimed, and she said this with such conviction that it was impossible not to be moved by it. “We’re soulmates,” she said. “We’re of two different worlds, yet we found each other, and you saved me, Kobayashi-san. You bestowed upon me a new life. You gave me a new purpose.
“I’m meant to be your maid. My life is yours.”
I didn’t like being placed on a pedestal. I didn’t want to be held responsible for another person. But Tohru was so persistent that I had no choice but accept her role in my life. A maid. My maid. It was ironic—I bent to her will, just as she bent to mine.
It was a curious arrangement. A dynamic that couldn’t be defined by normal terms. Tohru was certain of who I was to her, but was I certain of who she was to me?
I was indecisive, and I was inexperienced. I kissed her forehead a grand total of three times, which was a feat for me. Tohru was indispensable to me, but her value wasn’t measured by the mere quality of her work. Rather, it was measured by the love that motivated her, by the smiles and laughter that she supplied without second thought.
House chores were house chores, in the end. I could perform the same duties, see myself in the mirror, and perceive my own loneliness. I could stare up at the ceiling, and count the minutes before rising from bed. I could have, but I chose not to. Rather, I chose to have another pair of hands take charge, and because they tidied up my home so well, every reflective surface revealed my reflection, and my reflection wasn’t alone anymore. Instead of the plain ceiling, I’d wake up to a pair of crimson eyes gazing at me with fondness and, because it was Tohru, unmistakable lust. She was a freak for watching me in my sleep, but she was my freak.
She deserved more than just verbal praises, more than chaste kisses on the forehead, and it exasperated me that this was all I could manage for her. It was too overwhelming, and with no options left to me, I turned to the next best aid:
Booze.