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“We can pick a different weekend, it’s fine — ”
“No, I mean, you said there’s plenty of room, right?” A slight electronic hiss from the other end of the phone followed Gilbert’s inquiry.
“Yeah, three bedrooms.”
A shrill whistle made Tolys flinch and jerk the phone away from his ear. “Look at you, big Eastern Bloc spender.”
“Stop it. You know how I feel about that.”
“My bad.” A huff. “Look, I’m sorry I forgot Lutz was gonna be here this week, the days are all blurring together or somethin’. Which is why I was looking forward to this. To, y’know, get away from it all or whatever and just turn off for a bit. Lutz is a pretty outdoorsy guy. He’s handy. We used to go camping all the time as kids — ”
“Yeah, no, I know — ” Tolys started, hoping to cut off the incoming Gilbert ramble and already knowing he was too late.
“ — plus you’re the one who said I should do better about spending time with the fam, so like, why not kill two birds with one stone?”
Tolys’ turn to sigh. “I did. But I thought you wanted your first time seeing the cabin to be….”
“To be…what?”
Just us, Tolys thought, the phrase sticking in his throat.
“Hey, it’s your cabin. If you don’t want Lutz there, just say so. I know you only met him the one time, so I totally understand if you’re not comfortable — ”
“No, it’s not that. Ludwig is more than welcome….”
“Okay, awesome. So we’ll see you Friday, yeah?”
“…Yeah.”
The line clicked off but Tolys stared at the phone a few moments longer. Ever since Christmas and the infamous first meeting of the Beilschmidt clan, Tolys found his relationship with Gilbert starting to have the vague shape of a definition. It may have still been fuzzy around the edges, but it was there — something was there.
Except when it wasn’t. When they were out with friends and someone would shoot one of them that knowing look and ask the inevitable question: “So are you two together now, or…?” And neither one had an answer. When all of Gilbert’s attention was focused on preparing for his baby brother’s arrival and Tolys oddly felt like the third wheel in that relationship. Did anything they’d said to each other even matter? Were they just going through the motions? Was it all just part of the fake dating scheme they’d planned so Gil wouldn’t have to deal with his family? But now Ludwig was visiting them here, in Lithuania, and Gilbert was acting like…like he couldn’t be bothered with Tolys even though they were supposed to be…something.
Gilbert had always been black and white, all or nothing. And Tolys liked knowing where he stood, but now all he felt was directionless. There was too much grey seeping in. He raked his fingers through his hair, tugging the ends in frustration, unable to pinpoint why exactly he was bothered.
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Night had fallen by the time they reached the cabin. It was late and they were all exhausted from the drive.
Bags unpacked and groceries stored, Tolys happily collapsed into bed, savoring the warm feeling spreading through his core as Gilbert got in beside him, peppering him with kisses. His worries from earlier that week eased away and Tolys fell into blissful sleep….
Only to wake up in a panic that morning and discover Gilbert was not there. Tolys had always been an early riser — something he and his friend/lover/whatever had in common — but even if Gil awoke before him, he would always wait for Tolys before fully rising and starting his day —
The scent of freshly brewed coffee stopped Tolys’ mind from spiraling. Coffee meant kitchen. Gilbert was in the kitchen. He sat up, pushing hair out of his face and went to check the other bedrooms just to be sure. The door to Ludwig’s room was already open, bed neatly made; the spare room, untouched.
In the kitchen, Ludwig sat at the small, round breakfast table, staring out at the lake behind the cabin through two large windows. The sun was just beginning to crest the trees, reflecting off the mist rising from the water. A cup of coffee cooled beside an empty bowl, its own steam a miniature mirror of the lake mist. Ludwig brought the mug to his lips and blew across the top, head turning a fraction and catching Tolys in his periphery.
“Beautiful view,” he said, nodding at the windows.
Tolys sucked in a breath of air, waiting for the question everyone asked — the uncomfortable reminder his family had actually been pretty well-off during the Soviet years as well as after — but no follow-up came. Ludwig seemed content to just admire the surroundings. Tolys exhaled, feeling himself relax a little, and helped himself to coffee, noticing as he did so that there was a distinct absence. The cabin was too quiet for Gilbert to be there.
“Where did your brother go?” he asked in a would-be casual voice.
“Into town to get some cleaning supplies.” Ludwig swiped a finger over the table as if to prove his point.
Tolys bristled. He told Gilbert the cabin needed a little fixing up, but Gil insisted on seeing it anyway. Tolys knew he didn’t mind, but then to bring his little brother who very much did, well —
“I was hoping we could go fishing this morning,” Ludwig said, interrupting Tolys’ train of thought and making the Lithuanian slurp his coffee.
“ — What?” Tolys coughed. “I mean…isn’t it a little early? I thought maybe we could go this afternoon. The water’s still cold.”
“Not the water. The air.” Ludwig gestured at the window with his mug. “Water’s warm. It’s the air that’s cold.”
“…Right,” Tolys ground out. As if that somehow made it better. “Uh, yeah, I guess, if you want, we can go fishing. Just — let me just get something to eat and get, y’know, dressed first, obviously, and we can go…do that.”
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o
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If Ludwig had a problem with a little dust on the table, what would he say about the boat, Tolys wondered. Maybe it would negate this whole idea. He pulled the tarp off the small rowboat. A few weeds had grown up around it, but other than that it seemed in decent enough shape. No holes. Which would have been a boon considering how much Tolys was not looking forward to morning fishing. His breath came in little cloud spurts as he worked, hauling the boat near to the lake edge. They didn’t have a dock or ramp, but he had grown up watching, and then helping, his father push the boat from shore. When it was close enough, he loaded it with gear: life vests, oars, and anchor. Ludwig was readying the rods at the cabin. He approached moments later, giving the boat an appraising glare. There were some mildew patches along sides and interior, but there was nothing to be done with such short notice and their apparent lack of cleaning supplies. Tolys honestly thought it was going to look a whole lot worse. It had been a year or two since he’d last taken the thing out.
Ludwig frowned but made no comment and loaded the boat with the fishing rods, tackle, cooler, and bait. Tolys gestured for him to get in and then he dug in and shoved off into the lake. The shore’s edge was closer than he remembered though, and he was rewarded with a boot full of cold, muddy lake water. Luckily his other foot was spared as he jumped into the boat, sending it rocking slightly. Tolys took off his boot and wrung out his sock and pant leg as best he could, hands already numb from the chilly spring air. Gilbert was going to owe him big time after this….
Ludwig baited up their lines as Tolys rowed them out to the center of the lake. Around them, all was still save for the occasional bird song or lap of the water with each pull of the oars. Tolys dropped anchor and each cast their line, sitting in silence as the mist rose and the boat slowly turned on its pivot point.
This was actually really nice, Tolys thought. In the warmer months, the lake always buzzed with the sound of swimmers and families. He never fully appreciated just how still and calm it could be.
Behind him, Ludwig cleared his throat. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
“Sure. What’s on your mind?”
Ludwig was silent a moment. Tolys glanced over at him. Gilbert’s brother was scrutinizing the water. His usual stony face had become even more rigid; his brow a precipice hanging over his eyes, casting them in shadow.
“What are your intentions with my brother?”
Air flew out of Tolys’ lungs. His throat tightened. He blinked, tried to swallow. “I-I…uh — wh-what — why — ”
Ludwig looked at him, brow lowering even more. “It’s a fair question.”
Tolys’ eyes darted around, searching for an answer — and one came, but just not in the way he was hoping.
“Y-your line! I think you have a bite!”
Ludwig’s attention turned back to his fishing pole. Sure enough, something was on the end of it. With surprising deftness, Ludwig jerked the pole up and reeled in his catch. It was a perch. Ludwig unhooked it and pulled a fishing knife from his belt. He set a cutting board down on the seat and gutted the thing, tossing the entrails overboard, his gaze locked on Tolys the whole time, waiting for an answer.
Tolys pulled at the collar of his sweater. “I…I don’t have any — I mean, I don’t not — I do! But I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. I’m…I…enjoy his company.”
Ludwig’s eyes narrowed. He tossed the fish in the cooler, then baited his hook again. “How long have you two been together?”
Tolys rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. We were friends for a long time first, before.…” His interview for his position at the university’s cultural center had been far less taxing than this. But then, those had been questions he could actually answer.
Ludwig’s face softened somewhat, becoming thoughtful, as he watched his line descend. “I love my brother,” he said quietly. “Though sometimes it feels like we come from different worlds. I just want him to be happy. And I think he has that.” He glanced over at Tolys with a nod.
Tolys returned it, feeling that was as close as a compliment as he was going to get from Gilbert’s too stern little brother. He let himself relax, let the silence of the lake engulf them once more, until Ludwig spoke up again.
“I have a confession to make. I cleaned the kitchen this morning, after Gilbert left. You have a whole stock of supplies under the sink. I sent him away because…I wanted a moment to talk to you. I knew I wouldn’t have a chance while he was there.”
Ludwig sent him what could be called a grin seconds before his line bobbed and he hooked another fish. Tolys returned it with his own uneasy smile. Gilbert often said his family was insane. He was only just now beginning to understand the accuracy of that statement.
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o
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The crunch of gravel heralded Gilbert’s arrival as Tolys and Ludwig walked back up to the cabin with their catch in tow.
“You went fishing without me!” Gilbert groused. “Not fair.”
“It’s a big lake. There’s still plenty more,” Tolys chortled.
“Catch anything good?”
Ludwig looked at his brother a moment, then glanced at Tolys, and smiled. He took the cooler inside, leaving the other two to unload the car.
“What was that about?” Gilbert asked.
“Nothing,” Tolys returned. He wrapped his arms around his lover with a welcoming kiss. “Except you owe me beer for at least a month.”
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