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Benny Weir feels alive whenever he's around Ethan.
Benny likes Ethan. A lot. Benny likes to tease him. Especially when Sarah's in the vicinity. It's your girlfriend, go get 'em tiger. He likes it when Ethan blushes, pushes Benny away slightly, telling him to shut up, even though he needed encouragement to actually ask Sarah out. Benny likes it when Ethan gets nervous and stutters and ducks his head when he's talking to someone he has a crush on.
Benny wishes to see that side of him more.
Benny likes it when Ethan is brave. Not that they aren't, looking at the fact that their job involves fighting the supernatural, but he likes it when Ethan is protective. When Ethan takes a stand for himself, what he believes in. Who he cares for. Benny sees this happening when Sarah is involved.
Benny is happy for Ethan. He knows, deep inside, that Sarah doesn't really need Ethan to be brave. Sarah is capable, she is strong. Benny waits for the day Ethan is brave for him.
Some days, when they're hanging out and Sarah is with them, she and Ethan cuddle together. They act like they don't, but they always slump together, arms touching, heads together, like a beautiful mess. Benny catches himself staring, from time to time, and his heart's in his throat and his stomach churns, but he doesn't know why. Ethan turns to him, expecting an answer for a question Benny didn't pay attention to. Ethan is smiling, his hair falling into his eyes. And suddenly, Benny knows.
Benny likes Ethan's hair. It's creepy and weird to admit it, but he likes the texture. He likes messing it up, running his hands through it. He wants to pull it, pull Ethan closer to him. Benny wants to tell him how important he is and how much he means to Benny and he wants to tell him I love you and you don't have to fight for her. I love you, so much, and it's all going to be okay.
Benny doesn't say anything. Benny gets a girlfriend.
She's blonde, tall, fit. The opposite of Ethan. She has blue eyes and Ethan has brown ones. Benny thinks she can cure him. He thinks she can fuck the gay out of him.
She can't.
Benny thinks about Ethan more than he cares to. He thinks about how Ethan's back would feel against his chest, while his arms would hang over his waist, his nose in his hair. He thinks about sleeping over at Ethan's, on a day where Jane and his parents aren't home. He thinks about making pancakes with Ethan, how they'll end up messing their food badly and just go out for breakfast. He thinks about Ethan saying the words "I love you" to him, and his heart hurts and his eyes water and he gets a little lightheaded because he knows, he knows that this is just a fantasy and Ethan won't say it because he's straight and Benny is delusional. Benny can't even tell him.
Benny can't say the words he's been dying to say for years without having an emotional breakdown because he just cares for him so much and he has never been this scared in his life.
And I love you. I really, really do.
Ethan is quiet.
Ethan says nothing, until he starts crying till his eyes are red, he's rubbing against his nose and face and his ears are burning and he never realizes it.
“Finally, you idiot.”
He kisses Benny, and it feels like fire and water, it feels like they're burning in the sea, they're drowning in heat. They can't breathe, but it's all okay.
Because whenever Ethan Morgan is around Benny, he feels alive.