Archive of Our Own

The Ragranda Forest training camp, one week before the monster siege of Choushi:

“You and Rudy worked really well together.”

Isuzu stopped scrubbing soap against her dungeon-grime-caked legs and stared at Serara. “Huh? Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?”

Serara massaged shampoo into her hair, smiling and unbothered. Suds dripped, swirled, and disappeared into the stream. With relationship intuition like that, Isuzu’s initial impression of her as an inconsequential, anxious little girl wasn’t so true.

“What’s with your lukewarm response?” Minori said. ”Didn’t you say Rudy reminds you of a prince?”

Letting her eyes fall, Isuzu resumed her scrubbing. “Well yeah, don’t you see it? He’s so cute. I bet he’d make your heart flutter if you ran into him somewhere. But…”

“He doesn’t make your heart flutter?”

If Isuzu’s hair weren’t down for washing, the others might have seen her blush. “No. Not at all.”

Under sunset, songs rose alongside campfire smoke. Training Expedition members milled about before bed: some plucked seconds and thirds from unattended cooking pots; others prepared for the dungeon by patching armor, sharpening blades, or reciting incantations; but most everyone packed for the journey to Choushi tomorrow afternoon.

Isuzu did none of that. Instead, she played the songs everyone listened to and (she hoped) felt calmed by. It’s how she wished she felt. So, as if by magic, ‘calm’ is the tune her music carried. This game helped her communicate feelings through music better than she ever managed in the real world. “All those lessons and practice... How infuriating.” She thought as her final note rang through the camp.

Only Rudy and her were outside their tents now, lit by their dying fire. He applauded. She dropped into a sling chair and dismissed her lute. “Knock it off, jeez. It wasn’t that great.”

“No, it was wonderful.” He spread his arms to the sky. ”It was like you suffused the air with a divine sound.”

“Well thank you. Guess everyone is ready for bed.”

“Further proof! Your music caressed them into slumber. Now they’ll have plenty of time to finish packing for us while we, with newfound courage, test our mettle against the dungeon!”

Right. The dungeon. Isuzu looked out past the fire, into the darkness, and swore she felt those skeletons’ empty sockets glaring back. Every time their party went in, they’d almost died. They’ll resurrect at the Cathedral in Akiba if they did, healthy and whole, but something nagged at her. Is dying really so free? No one she’d seen exit those doors were smiling. They’d be boiling with anger, shame, and embarrassment, but never had she witnessed relief at having cheated death. Never joy.

It terrified her.

Rudy shifted in his seat. “Miss Isuzu?”

Forcing a smile, she shook the thoughts from her head. “Sorry, I was just thinking over the training camp. This really went by too fast. It’s been fun, huh?”

“Yes, I think so. The food was a little lacking though.”

“Really? I thought it was good. I liked the barbecue and all. What do you normally eat?”

Rudy mocked careful consideration, tapping his chin with a finger. “Hmm… It’d have to be hot sandwiches or… hot sandwiches. Then there’s hot sandwiches.”

“That’s nothing but hot sandwiches!” Isuzu laughed. ”By any chance are you talking about Ray Parker’s hot pollock roe sandwiches?”

“How did you know? Miss Isuzu, are you a fellow fan?”

“I love them! The way they pop in your mouth… It’s the best.”

“Exactly! Just the thought is enough to make me salivate.”

An image of a great, big Saint Bernard popped into Isuzu’s head, dripping drool, eagerly awaiting a treat. Then it clicked. “He’s like a dog! Not a Saint Bernard, though… He’s more like a golden retriever!” She thought, laughing.

“What’s wrong Miss Isuzu?”

“Oh, n-nothing…” She said, swallowing her laughs.

Rudy cocked his head.

It was too much: she burst from laughter; tears welled. Her feelings on this trip made so much more sense now. “No wonder my heart wouldn’t flutter. He could be the most handsome guy around, but he’s still a dog!” She thought.

Rudy staggered forward, hand raised in concern. “Are you crying? Are you sad you won’t see me as much anymore?”

She wiped the tears away. “Something like that. I’m happy.”

“Happy you won’t see me?”

“No, no! Promise. I’ve been wracking my brain over something and finally figured it out.”

“Something important, Miss Isuzu? What was it?”

“That’s a secret.” She looked around the campsite. Some tents blended with the night and others glowed, lanterns lit inside for reading or crossword puzzles or whatever the others did to wind down. Minori and Touya’s tent were one of the glowing ones. Minori was definitely reviewing her little notebook (probably would be right up to midnight) and Touya… Well, she didn’t know what he did to wind down. Next door, she saw her own tent. She let a smile slip. “We’re probably bothering people by talking out here.” She started toward the tent and gestured for Rudy to follow. ”How about we talk in there?”

“Sorry, Miss Isuzu. Your tent? Is that alright? That wouldn’t be improper, wouldn’t it?.”

She wheeled around, planted her feet, and spoke as if commanding her pet. “Come here, Rudy!”

He hesitated, but trudged after her.

“Prepare to be dazzled by the raw, unbridled image of Rundelhaus Code!”

Isuzu flinched. “Shh! If Minori or Touya hear, you won’t have to worry about skeletons. I’ll kill you myself!”

Rudy peaked around the privacy screen. “Serara’s ears hold no place in your worries?”

“She’s not one tent over!” Isuzu shifted under her covers. The shows never talked about how cold the bed could feel when you’re alone and naked. “Anyway, Serara is too pure. She’d probably think you’re talking to yourself in a mirror.” She said.

Rudy cocked his head. “This is… impure?”

“Some people think so.”

“Miss Isuzu!” Rudy disappeared and yanked his shirt off the screen. “Why didn’t you say anything? I dare not sully—”

“Shut up! Those clothes better be off when you walk out here.”

“But, Miss Isuzu—”

“Rudy.” She said, adopting a commanding tone. ”Clothes off.”

A few seconds passed, but Rudy’s shirt reappeared, flung back over the screen. “Yes, Miss Isuzu…” He said. Moments later, he strode into the center of the room. Beaming his stupid, sparkling grin, he posed there like a reference model for the Statue of David. If the Statue of David wore boxers, that is. “Well, what do you thing of my chiseled visage, Miss Isuzu?” He said.

Isuzu darted her eyes to his underwear (they were cute with their yellow duck print) and returned back to his face, glaring. “I said clothes off.”

Panic struck him. “Well— Well, you see Miss Isuzu, I was only worried about offending your sensibilities.”

“My sensibilities?”

“Yes! Exactly! So you understand?”

“You realize I’m the one who told you to take your clothes off, right?”

“I thought you might point that out. There’s a very good reason for my—”

“God, just get in the bed, Rudy! I’m cold!”

“Uh, yes. Right. Here I go.”

He toddled over like a storm-scared puppy. Her little, frightened golden retriever. Isuzu lifted the covers and motioned for him to slip under. Of course he jerked his eyes away, gaining sudden interest in the tent’s canvas pattern, but he still slid beside her in an awkward, blind shuffle. “Are you warm now, Miss Isuzu?” He said.

She tucked herself against him and slipped an arm over his chest. “Definitely warmer, but I’m not sure it’s enough.”

He stiffened. His heartbeat betrayed his thoughts, though. It drummed on, beats per minute rising to match any club dance tune. “Miss Isuzu!” He said. “What are you—”

With a flurry of blankets, she flung her leg over and straddled him. “Still pretending we’re here to be innocent. You’re so cute, Rudy.”

“Uhm— N-No, I—“

“What’s wrong, Rudy? Need a little direction? Someone to lead you around on a leash?” She leaned in. ”I could do that, you know.” She whispered, each word making her lips graze his ear.

There were no protests; no mumbling, grumbling, or grunts. Only his heart thrumming beneath hers. Adorable. Grinning a bard’s grin (sly, sultry, daring; she liked to think practicing in the mirror helped), she slid her hand down his chest, over his stomach, to the band of his underwear.

He shuddered.

“That’s right.” She said, burrowing fingers under the band. “You wouldn’t dare run off on me now, would you? While I work down here, how about you— you— Hey, uh, Rudy? Where’s your penis?”

GameFunk Fun Fact #93: After extensively modeling the genital options for their character creator, the developers of Elder Tale ran into inexplicable performance issues. The source? A configuration error in the algorithm responsible for generating People of the Land (their name for NPCs!). They’d grown fully detailed, unculled, high poly count genitals! There was a time where the dev team considered making it a feature with relationships, dating, maybe even marriage, but development costs were already blown to shit. Now we’re here with our favourite NPCs hardcoded to be Ken-doll smooth. What a shame. Thanks for saving those frames, I guess.”

Choushi, during the monster siege:

Chaos surrounded them, yet, sprawled across the ground and cradled by Miss Isuzu, Rudy felt at peace. He knew he was dying. Cold crept out his stomach and fed on dwindling warmth; he wouldn’t be able to feel his fingers soon. Even so, if this was the price of being an adventurer, he’d pay it. Had he the choice to go back before he set out from home, he’d be back at this moment having made all the same decisions. “I’d never forsake our time together, Miss Isuzu.” He thought.

The others were here too: Minori, Touya, Serara. All crying. How odd it was, not just getting to know them, but learning to care for them. Learning to look beyond his own naive narcissism to value their thoughts and feelings. Maybe that’s what living an adventurer’s life truly meant.

There was someone else, though. Shiroe. He stood there, bearing a contract to him and reading off a list of whosits and whatsits. It was a long list and all the legalities were hard for Rudy to follow given his current state. Until—

“This includes bestowing the status of ‘Adventurer’.” Shiroe said.

“That’s all it would take?” Rudy thought. He could sign that dotted line and that’s that? He’d be reborn as any adventurer would? The next thing he knew, the contract was in his hands and Shiroe offered him a quill.

“I want to become…” he said, sucking in a labored breath and taking the quill, “… an Adventurer. If I can save people who need my help, those piddling details mean nothing to me. I don’t want glory. I want to be an Adventurer.”

His hand spasmed. The quill fell.

“It’s okay. Rudy, I’ll write it with you.” Isuzu said, tears still bubbling in her eyes.

Plucking up the quill, she took his hand in hers and guided them to the dotted line. The handwriting was uneasy, hardly legible, and unworthy of the name Rundelhaus Code, but it glowed brilliant gold. Upon striking the final letter, light swallowed him whole.

Akiba, during the monster siege of Choushi:

“Where am I?”

Rudy’s words echoed off stone. He’d just come to. Light still blinded him, but it was no longer the sparkling, energetic light that’d coursed through him moments ago. It was warm. Comfortable. Slowly, his eyes adjusted. This building… it dwarfed everything he’d set foot in. Sunlight poured through massive, intricately curved panels of framed glass; statues of long dead heroes towered. Then there was him, small and unassuming, cross-legged atop an altar set into the room’s central dais. “This is the Cathedral?” He said, craning his neck to look at a pair of massive doors. He’d only ever seen them from the outside.

Text in the corner of his heads-up display caught his eye: below his healthbar where his People of the Land class had been now read ‘Adventurer’. His heart leapt. “I did it… I’m actually an Adventurer… Just like Miss—”

The Cathedral’s doors groaned (a truly monstrous sound), shrill enough to make the windows shudder in their frames. Someone slipped through and started stomping toward him. A woman that, as she approached, looked more and more like…

“Rudy!” She yelled.

“Miss Isuzu? Wh-What are you doing here? Oh… You used the return spell to come back, I’m guessing?”

Now a few strides away, anger boiled within her eyes. She vaulted the dais steps. “What if you had died doing something that reckless? Rudy, you idiot!”

He flinched. “Th-That’s rude! Sometimes, you have to be willing to sacrifice your life for duty, Miss Isuzu!”

She leapt up the dais steps and jabbed a finger against his chest. “If I tell you to wait, you wait!”

“That’s not fair—”

“I said you wait!”

To think himself the reason her smile soured, why her eyes, normally so joyous, now writhed, wrinkled, and bled. It destroyed him. He nodded and let his head droop; he couldn’t bear to see her struggle. “I’m sorry. I guess I made you worry…”

She struck him: a fist down atop his perfectly placed head. Pain rocked stars loose from the heavens and they swirled about his vision. He shielded himself with a flailing arm. “I said I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done it.”

Thwack!

“S-Sorry—“

Thwack!

“I w-won’t do it again—“

Thwack!

He flung his arms away from himself, straightened, and looked her in the eyes. “I get it!” He said. ”I’ll do what you say from now on, Miss Isuzu!”

“Really?” She said, fist still raised in threat.

“Really! I swear to god.”

“And you’re going to tell me about when you were a kid!”

“Why? It isn’t…”

She drew her fist.

“F-Fine.” Rudy sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you.”

She let her fist fall. They stood like that a moment, looking at each other, unsure what came next. Suddenly, she collapsed into him, curling up and burying herself against his chest, trembling. “If you do crazy things like that, you won’t survive no matter how many lives you have.”

He held her and, surprised, realized he’d been frowning. For how long? A niggling pressure behind his eyes; a pit in his stomach; unease tainting his thoughts. They’d been there since he’d woken from that strange in-between — the border place between life and death, of which his memories were hazy. He rested a palm against the back of her head and pulled her tight. “You’re right, Miss Isuzu.”

Falling away, she caught his hand. “Obviously. Now come with me.” She led him toward the doors.

Rudy cleared the knots from his throat. “Ahem. Ah, yes. You’re right. We must to make room should another Adventurer need to return to life. Very considerate, Miss— Wait. Are we not returning to Choushi?“

Outside the Cathedral, she turned right (toward the housing district), not left (their quickest way out of the city). Leading him as she was, he couldn’t see her face. “No.” She said

“Then where?”

“The guild house. Everyone is gone.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not understanding. Shouldn’t we rush to their aid in Choushi? The settlement is still under attack.”

“They’ve got Shiroe. They’ll be fine without a couple people who struggled clearing a low-level dungeon.”

“Miss Isuzu, what exactly do you have in…” His mind flitted to the two of them, alone around the campfire. Her, playing her song. Him, applauding. Her leading him and him following her. Both, lying close, skin against skin, smothered by bedroll covers. His cheeks flushed. “No, no, no! You’re not seriously considering—”

“Shut up, Rudy.”

Sunlight sparkled in the air below her: tears, glinting as they fell. His protests died.

Isuzu knew the Log Horizon guild house would be empty. Even so, her heart quickened upon seeing it in the distance, nestled amidst overgrown, abandoned buildings. “No guild mates, no neighbors, no distractions…” She thought. Rudy hadn’t said anything since they’d left the Cathedral. Neither had she, to be fair. If she did, she’d probably blabber too long, fretting over her feelings, and lose the courage to drag Rudy back to her room. She couldn’t let that happen. These were feelings better shown than told.

Pushing through the door, Isuzu peaked her head into the common areas. No one was back yet. “Choushi will be fine; they’ll be fine.“ She thought on loop, taking the staircase on autopilot. Before she knew it, the two of them stood in front of her room. Down the hallway in either direction, the others’ rooms lit up with information panels. She read each owner out in her mind. “Touya, Minori, Nyanta, Naotsugu, Akatsuki, Shiroe, and—”

A door directly across the hall from her own caught her off guard. She froze. Part of her didn’t believe it despite his resurrection at the Cathedral, but, for some reason, this felt undeniable. It was true. Rudy was an Adventurer now, through and through.

“What is it, Miss Isuzu?”

“Look,” she pointed at the door, “you’ve even got a room now.”

He whipped about, imagined tail wagging. “I do? My new guild mates must know the worth of Rundelhaus Code! A landed title! Can we go inside and peruse?”

She snorted. “It’s an apartment, Rudy. Not land.”

“Well, still, a domain all my own!” He continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “I can only imagine what finery waits within. Lace curtains, poster bed, cupids engraved in plaster upon the ceiling. What do you think?”

“No, Rudy, you’ve got to decorate and furnish it yourself. The starter guild apartment is really just four walls, a door, and a window.”

His expression soured. “Hmm… Well I suppose they knew they’d never be able to accurately capture my tastes themselves. By the way, Miss Isuzu, why do you have a room here? Aren’t you with the Crescent Moon Alliance?”

Her cheeks flushed red. She whirled about, clutched her new apartment’s doorknob, and initiated the room design interface. “Well, I— Before I teleported back here, I sent a message to Marielle. She was fine with me transferring to Log Horizon. I thought maybe Shiroe wouldn’t invite me, but he was in his interface reading something for a while. Marielle probably said something to him...”

“Ah, yes. You were so fearful we’d go our separate ways after this that you followed me here. Very understandable.”

With a quick interface confirmation and a twist of the doorknob, her room’s layout was set. She pulled him inside and slammed the door behind them.

Rudy peaked around the privacy screen. “Are you sure about this, Miss Isuzu?”

She laid in bed, naked, under the covers, head propped on an elbow. He was like a shy puppy afraid to take a new treat. Cute. Her heart didn’t flutter, but her face and her chest were warm. That was enough. “Are you second guessing yourself? Or did you forget what you said in the Cathedral this soon?” She said. “I say wait, you wait. Same for everything else. If I say we’re doing this, then we’re doing this. Right, Rudy?”

He stared a moment, then sighed. “As you wish.”

“All the clothes this time, Rudy.”

“But last time, when you—“

“But nothing!”

“Yes…” He said, disappearing. He flung each article one-by-one over the room divider until only his underwear was missing. “Okay, I’m taking them off now. Here I—” His words cut off and silence hung for several seconds.

“Rudy? Rudy, are you alright?”

There was panic in his voice. “Miss Isuzu… Miss Isuzu, I think we should call this off.”

She rolled her eyes and flopped back onto her back “God, what is it now?”

“I’m not equipped— uhm, I mean, I’m not sure how to explain this.”

She flung the sheets off and rolled over, planting her feet onto the floor.

“No, no! Stay there! Don’t come over here, Miss Isuzu. Let me just put my clothes back on and I’ll be right there…” Rudy said, practically flooding the room with his panic.

She stomped over. “Like hell you’re getting dressed! I’ll rip you from behind there my—“ Her anger evaporated at the sight of him. “Wow, Rudy! You’ve even got a penis now… That contract magic is no joke.”