Chapter Text
It was the live band that was the clincher. They were at the tail end of two flights, one long delay in Salt Lake City airport, one drive back home to offload bags, then finally to the bar and peace. Not a fucking live band.
‘You got your cigarettes?’
‘Since when do you smoke?’
‘Since now’, Carol inclined her head at the stage, where warm up was about to erupt into country singing, and Helen got it.
Carol suspected Helen had only agreed to the bar because she knew that if they went home, Carol would be restless and tetchy and hard work. She was being hard work now, but at least Helen had other human beings to dilute her bullshit.
It was the post book-release nerves. Helen was well used to her crap by now. The feeling that crept into her chest after the end of every promotional tour and squeezed. What if this is the one everyone hates, and they realise they were crap the entire time?
‘Are you trying to start a forest fire? Stop wasting my butane’.
‘Stop telling me how to smoke. I used to smoke in middle school’. Hard work.
‘You know you’re supposed to light the other person’s first, by the way? That’s etiquette’.
‘Oh yeah? On a plane, do you put on your own oxygen mask first?’
Carol inhaled deep, cold air and nicotine. They’d had that discussion once. Lots of time to fill on planes. ‘Of course I’m putting your mask on first, Helen. I am not surviving you, no way. I’d have to make my own calls’. ‘Well that’s good, I’m putting mine on first too. So, I’m covered…’
‘Ooh, wanna hear what HoustonMom78says about Bloodsong?’
She hates it. Carol shrugged, as if she didn’t care, as if that would fool Helen. This was it. Make or break. Was she a hack.
‘Best Wycaro everrrrrrr. All caps. And uh 16- 17 exclamation points’.
‘Oh wow’, a slight unwinding of tension, smoke trailed from her mouth, ‘Is that a new record?’
‘Spoiler alert: Raban is back and yummier that ever…. yummier than ever… I think she means’.
‘Hmm’.
‘You better belief he’s got my permission to come aboard. I’d walk his plank any day… I’m sensing a nautical motif’.
Carol smirked. What is this life if, full of care, you have no time to laugh at the paying public with your wife?
‘Lil bit. Think Houstonmoms off her meds again?’
‘I think Houstonmom would spread her legs for a grilled cheese sandwich’.
Carol laughed. Fucking hell but Helen always knew what to say. She blew smoke into the air, grinning, and saw the planes.
Jet trails in perfect lines like claw marks.
‘Huh. Look at that’.
Helen was still scrolling,’ what?’
‘What do you think they’re doing?’
‘What’s what doing-?’
‘The planes’, Carol rolled her eyes and gave her arm a smack,’ look’.
Helen glanced up, half interested, still in manager zone,’ I don’t know. What- is that weird?’
‘Yeah it’s weird, isn’t it? All of em kinda… parallel like that?’
‘Mm’.
Helen was well and truly back in the phone, scrolling steadily. Carol did not trust a lack of feedback. Was she filtering?
She took another drag,’ anybody else weigh in?’ trying to sound nonchalant.
‘All the usual suspects, plus some new ones’, Helen finally looked up, caught her eye, deliberately and pointedly,’ everybody loves it’.
Carol nodded, shifting her feet, heel toe heel toe. A wave of relief was slackening her chest, unspooling tension. She heel-toed her way around Helen in a loose semi-circle. She was going to put her hands round her waist, kiss her neck behind the ear, but the bar door slammed open and she backed off.
‘You wanna answer a few questions for them?’
It was just the one guy leaving, Carol watched him. He wasn’t looking at them. Distracted, it took a second for Helen’s question to land.
‘What now? No- no, no…’
‘Eh- we’ll do a quick one to let them know you’re paying attention’.
The man was not paying attention. Carol leaned in close and dropped her chin onto Helen’s shoulder.
‘Carol. My husband says Raban can be my hall pass. I don’t think it’s fair as Raban is not a real person, although I wish he was. In real life was there an actual man you were thinking of when you came up with Raban?’
‘That’s hilarious’, her voice sounded flat even to her.
It wasn’t hilarious. They both knew it wasn’t.
Helen straightened and turned, forced Carol’s head off her shoulder.
She regarded her seriously and Carol’s stomach flipped,’ you wanna tell her the truth? What do you have to lose?’
Carol knew she was a coward. Knew that she’d promised. This book, this next one. We’ll tell everyone then. Be a great marketing ploy anyway. Sure.
‘Put down George Clooney’.
Helen made a face.
‘What? What’s wrong with him?’
‘Nothing, just- how about a hot Brazilian soccer player, someone with dreadlocks? Hip it up?!’
‘Just… put down George Clooney. It’s safer’.
Helen turned away, tapping, hiding her frown. Carol’s heart dropped, a familiar sensation. She knew that she was disappointed in her.
Crash.
‘Shit!’
The man from before, the man who had been paying no attention, clearly hadn’t started when he’d pulled away, because he’d just driven his damn truck into a line of parked cars. Carol stamped out her cigarette, rushing over, to do God knows what- what do you do in these situations?
‘Uh…’ she fought with the door, finally wrenching it open.
‘Buddy… you OK buddy?’
He was slumped over in the driver’s seat, head on the steering wheel. She tried to get a look at his face, pushing him back, and his whole body flopped over,’ oh Jesus’.
He didn’t look hurt, but he was not moving. Carol scrabbled to turn off the engine,’ Helen- should we call someone?’
She backed out of the truck. Helen hadn’t moved.
‘Helen, stop looking at the gotdamn-‘
The man gasped and Carol damn near leapt out of her skin. Heart hammering, she stared in horror as he started convulsing where he sat.
‘Helen’, she backed away from the truck, spun on the spot, and lurched towards her wife,’ Helen, give me your phone, he’s having some kind of-‘
The rest of her sentence was swallowed by the back of Helen’s head smashing into her face. Helen had dropped backwards, like a marionette with her string’s cut, and Carol was in the firing line.
‘Helen?!’
Carol did not have the strength to hold her up, they went down together, two pairs of legs buckling. Helen’s head slipping down to her chest, ass taking out her knee in their mutual sprawl. Carol tasted blood. Helen’s skull had split her lip open.
‘Helen!’
Carol was pinned. Helen was boneless on top of her, a dead weight, and, worse, she had begun to twitch and jerk. Carol fought herself loose, shucking off her jacket to protect Helen’s shaking head against the asphalt.
‘Helen? Can you hear me? Helen… baby please?’
In all the time they’d been together, Carol had seen Helen ill, seriously ill, three times. Two bouts of the flu, 2002 and 2019, both a week bedridden, shivering, accepting soup and herbal teas and not much else from Carol. The third was one morning when she had dropped in the kitchen, grey and moaning, and her appendix had burst and Carol had ridden along in the ambulance with her clammy hand pressed to her mouth whispering,’ it’s going to be OK. It’s going to be OK. You’re going to be OK’.
Never a seizure. Never anything like this.
Phone. Ambulance.
But Helen’s phone had been shattered in the fall.
‘Help!’ she howled,’ somebody help us! Help!’
She patted Helen’s face, hands, tasting panic,’ just hang in there. Hang in there!’
Ambulance. Phone.
The bar. She lurched inside screaming,’ CALL 9-1-1…’
Before her was a hellscape. Every person. Every single person was frozen, caught, eyes rolling, convulsing: the drinkers, the dancers, the fuck-ass live band, the bar staff. She swallowed tears, stumbling through. There must be a phone here. Somewhere. Please God, Please.
A glance into the kitchen sent a shock of ice through her chest. A man lay in a growing pool of blood. I can’t help. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Helen.
There was a phone behind the bar. Unfortunately, the phone behind the bar was in the hand of the woman behind the bar. And her hand was clamped down on it like a vice. Carol wrestled with her a second, before losing her balance and going tumbling to the ground for the second time that night.
- Rate of knots. Phone to ear.
No answer.
How could there be no answer?
Because it was everyone. It was everyone, so everyone would be calling. They would be totally swamped with calls.
But they needed to help Helen. They had to come.
Her stumbling feet took her outside. The landline lost signal halfway to Helen and she launched it away from her.
Car. Hospital.
There was a sign outside the bar. She laid it flat and hauled Helen’s twitching body onto it. How long can you last having a seizure? How long before your brain is damaged permanently?
Time. Hurry. Car. CAR.
Fuck- the car. She stared at the breathalyser and willed it to work. Knowing to her core it wouldn’t. Drink in Salt Lake two hours ago. Drink here. Stupid. Stupid.
When it blew red she screamed,’ FUCK YOU’.
Theft it was, then.
The truck was still stopped where it had crashed, engine still warm. She flung herself at it.
‘You gotta get out’, homeboy was still sprawling across his front seats, it nearly wrenched her arms out of their sockets to drag him,’ come on. Get out. No, no, no’, time for a change of tactic. She shoved him further in,’ fucking go’.
She wedged herself into the driver’s seat and spun it round in reverse, definitely hitting things on the way. She backed up next to Helen. Park. Handbrake. Out.
Helen had not woken up in the time it took Carol to fuck around. Carol felt a painful lump rise in her throat as she dragged her up into the bed of the truck, grunting with the strain. Baby I’m so sorry.
Shove. Check feet in. Tailgate. Driver’s seat. Handbrake. Drive.
Carol checked over her shoulder, panic giving way to numbness. Movement. She was moving. She was getting them somewhere. She would get her to hospital. They would stop this. Helen would be OK.
A wave of relief struck her as she saw blue lights up ahead, pulsing through the dark. Someone was coming! It wasn’t until she was practically on top of them that the vision sharpened and she saw the police car. Upturned. Bodies sprawled across the road.
I can’t help. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
When she reached the turn in the road that dropped over a viewpoint and caught a glimpse out over the city, she realised. It was citywide. Alberquerque was burning.
Outside the hospital, more bodies. An ambulance had crashed into a pylon, sending electric sparks flaring like strobe lights, like fireworks.
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Helen. There had to be someone. There had to be.
There wasn’t.
A whole hospital locked in fits. She pleaded with the nearest guy in scrubs. He was seizing, staring lifelessly ahead, wouldn’t look at her.
‘Hey, wake up. Dr-‘ she fumbled for his ID,’ Dr Nguyen? I need you to wake up. Please wake up. Dr Nguyen. WAKE UP’.
That was how she found herself committing the second theft of the night. If no one else would stretcher her wife inside to safety, she would do it her damn self.
Out in the street, Carol swung herself into the bed of the truck, ready to move Helen to the stretcher, and froze.
Helen was looking back at her.
‘Helen?’
Her wife had stopped shaking. Her eyes were focussing again. They focussed on Carol’s face as Carol scooted forward and took her hand. And then she smiled.
The relief that flooded Carol nearly took her down. She swayed, dizzy.
‘Hi, baby’, she whispered.
‘Hello, Carol’.
Helen pushed herself up, pivoting at her hips.
‘Oh- no, no, Helen, lay back down. It’s OK. You had some kind of fit? Just lay here, I’ll find someone. Don’t move’.
Carol hopped back down and looked around.
Her stomach dropped. Through the glass frontage of the hospital, she could see people moving. Rising from chairs, calmly moving from the floor. Wandering out into the street to look at the electricity spark. Everyone quiet, no screaming, no one overtly concerned that they had just come out of a full seizure.
Dr Nguyen was looking distinctly more useful to her.
‘Hey-‘
Carol tapped his arm. With a synchronised calm, every head turned. Slowly, she backed away, reaching blindly for the truck. She turned back to Helen but was shocked to see she had got up as well. She had practically backed into her arms.
‘Helen, I really think you should lay down until someone-‘
Her words were swallowed by Helen’s mouth. Her hand cupped her face, drawing her in for a kiss. It was firm. Bold. Far too bold.
Carol pulled back,’ Helen-‘ hating herself. Not here. Not in front of all these people,’ Helen, you need to get checked out. You had some kind of fit. Baby… please’.
Helen was looking at her with open puzzlement. Had she hit her head? Was she concussed?
‘Dr Nguyen. Please. Please can you help her?’
‘We want to help you, Carol’.
Everyone said it. Everyone. All at once.
Carol grabbed Helen’s hand and stepped in front of her, putting their backs to the truck. What the fuck…
‘Dr Nguyen. Please’.
‘We do not need your help, Carol’. Everyone.
‘What is wrong with you people?! Dr Nguyen, I need you to help her. Just YOU. Please’.
And this time, when he spoke, it was just him. Thank fuck it was just him.
‘We do not need help, Carol’.
‘I don’t give a god damn if you need help, asshole! I need you to… I'm sorry, I... I need you to help Helen. You take her inside and you book her in and you see what is wrong with her I swear to God. You check her’.
‘OK Carol’, said everyone.
‘Stop doing that!’
‘Carol’, said Helen, warmly,’ this really isn’t necessary. Why don’t we talk about it?’
‘Helen, shut up. Both of you. Come with me. Come inside with me. Please’.
She lead Helen carefully into the ER, trying to be a human shield between her and the other people, none of whom she trusted, but this proved tricky as they were all up, active, wandering from every direction, and preoccupied with staring at the two of them. What’s more, no one was talking but everyone seemed to be on a fucking mission. Chairs were being righted, monitors switched off, stretchers moved, like an eery dance.
Carol’s voice was wobbling,’ which way?’
And finally, finally, the doctor lead them upstairs. Other staff nodded and smiled as they made their way in, Carol gripping Helen’s hand to stop her hands from shaking.
That’s how she found herself 20 minutes later, feeding singles into a vending machine, as she waited for the good doctor and Helen to re-emerge from an examination room.
She had no phone.
She hated smartphones. She had one at home, but didn’t bother bringing it on tour- ‘who am I going to be calling Helen? You’re the only person I’d want to talk to.’
Now she felt the lack of the internet keenly. It would be great to Google what the fuck was happening.
Lacking something better to do, she had spied 11 nutrageous bars, F3 in the vending machine. Helen’s favourite. So, she was steadily feeding in notes, growing a pile of chocolate by her side.
She would be OK. She was not fitting that long. Lot’s of people had epilepsy and were fine. Helen would be fine. The rest of the world could look after itself.
She looked up sharply as the door opened and Dr Nguyen emerged.
‘That was quick’.
He smiled placidly,’ Carol. We know you are concerned. But truly, there is nothing to be worried about. Why don’t you go inside and Helen will explain everything’.
Carol scooped up her chocolate wordlessly and edged around him, into the examination room.
Helen sat on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed at the ankle. Her jacket was folded on the chair.
‘Hey Carol’.
Carol couldn’t speak. She walked to the chair, dumped her nutrageous, swallowed tears, walked to Helen, launched at her, pulling her in close,’ Helen oh my god oh my God oh my GOD’.
Helen’s hand rubbed her back in gentle circles.
‘I thought you were- I thought… How are you feeling?’
Carol felt Helen’s hands guide her down to sit next to her. She went without protest, drained and numb. She opened her eyes, and started at her through tears. Blinked and felt them roll down a cheek. Helen’s face swam and darted, refracted through droplets.
‘What happened? What did he say?’
Helen swiped a thumb across her cheek, gathering tears. She smiled as she popped her thumb in her mouth. Then planted another kiss on Carol, staring intensely into her face.
‘Helen?’
Carol stared at her wife as she suddenly stood, crossed the room, closed the door and turned the lock.
‘It’s alright, Carol’.
Carol was well and truly losing her grip. She had been tripping along on adrenaline and fear alone, and now that stimulus had left her, she had nothing left to give. She felt herself sway where she sat. Wondered if the lump in her throat would finally erupt into tears. She planted her hands on her knees and breathed.
‘Poor Carol’, Helen was suddenly stood before her,’ it must have been such an awful experience for you’.
She cupped her face and Carol leaned into the touch gratefully.
‘We should go home’, she whispered,’ I think we should just go home’.
Helen hummed non-committedly. She drew their lips together. Carol felt herself melt into the kiss. Alone now, it was all she needed, Helen was OK again, everything was going to be OK. She expected her to pull back, but Helen made a small noise and deepened the kiss, her thighs braced on either side of Carol’s knees. Carol’s head was tilted backwards almost painfully. As Helen’s tongue swiped across her lip she found herself opening her mouth with a groan.
Helen broke off the kiss, but didn’t move back. She held Carol’s face firmly and gazed at her, eyes flicking from eye to eye to mouth, the slightest frown on her face. Puzzled. Carol had a sudden, weird feeling that she was expecting something from her.
‘What is it?’ she rasped. All the tears, all the shouting, had reduced her voice to a low mumble.
‘Hmm’, Helen tilted her head, ‘You hurt your lip. It’s bleeding’.
Carol felt Helen’s thumb run over her bottom lip, then gasped as she pressed against the cut.
‘Oh that? That was your head. Caught you like a goddam hero’, she smiled weakly.
‘Mmm’. Helen lifted her thumb away, regarded it, then licked the smudge of red off.
Carol stared at her, entranced.
Her thumb return to Carol’s bottom lip, traced the length, then pressed in. Carol opened her mouth on instinct, felt the thumb graze her teeth. Her tongue shifted to press against the digit and Helen smiled,’ good’.
This was an old game. A familiar game.
‘Helen-‘
‘I’m fine, baby. I can show you’.
The thumb withdrew, then Helen was pulling her in for a deep kiss. Her hand tightened on Carol’s jaw, forcing her mouth open, and their heads both tilted to draw each other in closer, close as possible.
‘You’ve had a hard night, Carol. You need to be taken care of’.
‘Let’s- I’ll…we can get a cab-‘
Helen shook her head,’ here’.
‘I-‘
Thoughts of protest were seeping out of Carol. Helen looking down at her like that would have been enough to turn her head to mush at the best of times, and these were not the best of times.
Helen kissed her again.
‘Hel-‘ Carol’s voice was mumbled, she was not withdrawing,’ your head?’
Helen only withdrew a second,’ everything’s fine Carol’.
She shucked off her shirt and Carol felt her addled thoughts find focus beautifully.
Helen was wearing a black bra, at some point a strap had dropped off her shoulder and the top of a pink nipple was showing.
She had watched her put it on this morning in that hotel room, thought nothing of it, just thinking about finally finishing the tour and getting home: it was amazing what a shift in context could do. Her jeans dug slightly into her middle and Carol’s mouth went dry. When Carol lurched forwards to plant a kiss on the softness there, Helen laughed softly,’ good’.
The murmured word sent a pulse zinging down her spine that settled between her legs. She shifted on the end of the hospital bed, hooked her fingers into the loop of Helen’s jeans and pulled her close, fully breathing in her scent as she planted kisses along the waistband.
‘I was so scared’.
‘Yes’.
‘Jesus fucking Christ, Helen. I thought you were-’.
Helen plucked at Carol’s tee. It was stinking of anxiety sweat and had picked up suspect stains from the truck bed.
‘You are far too dressed. Off. Bra too’.
Carol scrabbled to oblige, yanking the tee over her head and discarding it across the room. The room was cold, and her hands circled Helen’s waist, drawing her warmth in close, lightly scratching the small of her back the way she loved.
This shit did not fly.
Helen grasped her chin, hard,’ bra’.
When she’d shucked this off too, Helen firmly guided her wrists and placed them behind her back.
‘Keep them there’.
Carol swallowed.
This was familiar territory, and Carol fucking loved it. When Helen got riled up she had a mean streak a mile wide, would think nothing less of bringing Carol to the edge, twisting and begging underneath her hands and leaving her there, smirking. Or teasing orgasms out of her until she was a blubbering mess, slick and ruined and coming on herself.
It wasn’t usually a post book tour endeavour. After book tours they were both so shattered, and Carol was usually in one of her black moods. Generally, they needed space: it would be reading in bed, sleeping facing away, Helen’s hand stretched out to touch Carol’s back as if she needed the reminder that she was still there. It would be only after the dust settled that they came back into each other’s orbit. Carol would break the ice by slipping into the shower with her, or swatting her ass in the kitchen, or straddling her and whispering exactly what she wanted into Helen’s ear.
‘What’s got into you?’ Carol gasped.
‘I’ll show you’, Helen smiled.
She squeezed Carol’s tits, thumb flicking over her nipples. They were already hard, and the contact sent sparks right down to Carol’s clit. She twisted her fingers, behind her back, into the bed spread, winding them tighter and tighter, arching her back. When Helen’s tongue found her a nipple, drawing it past her teeth and sucking, her hips jerked forward.
Helen smirked against her chest,’ keep still’.
‘Helllllennnn’ she whined.
‘You love it’.
The other woman suddenly withdrew, and a flush of cold air rushed up Carol’s trembling chest.
She didn’t go far. Her hand found Carol’s face again, fingers behind her ear, thumb on her chin. She tilted her head back and dragged open her mouth with her thumb.
Carol gazed up at her, mouth open. Her wife’s eyes were blown, face flushed. She’d never get sick of seeing her like this. Her open mouth twitched wider into a smile Hey, baby.
Helen smiled back. Seemed to regard Carol carefully. Then spat.
Carol caught it in her open mouth and moaned. Helen was suddenly right at her ear,’ swallow’, she whispered, sending shivers everywhere.
Carol swallowed,’ good girl’.
Carol felt her legs slacken underneath her. She shifted restlessly as Helen took another brief pause to stare intently into her face.
‘why don’t you take a picture?’
This was exactly the kind of comment to goad Helen into fucking her, hard, but she didn’t take the bait. She didn’t release the hand at Carol’s neck, but shifted her thumb, moving Carol’s head side to side, never breaking eye contact,’ hmmm’.
Carol was not one to complain about being manhandled. Not when her legs were jelly. Not when her heart beat was hammering her jugular against Helen’s palm. However, that heart beat was also pulsing through her clit. She had had a long day and rather thought she deserved some goddam attention there. She was about to say this, see how far it got her, it really depended on her wife’s mood, when Helen released her. She fell back, slumped, into the bed.
Embarrassing. She hadn’t realised how much that firm hand had been holding her up. Seconds later these trivial thoughts were driven from her mind because Helen was pinching her right hip, guiding her to get her to lift her ass, unbuttoning her pants and sliding them off.
Helen slid a knuckle down her centre, pubic bone to entrance, over her underwear. The thin cotton was soaked, clinging to her with her own slick.
‘Enjoying yourself?
‘Fuuuuuck, Helen’.
‘God… we could just leave you like this, leave you desperate and begging. A part of you wants that, doesn’t it, Carol?’
Yes.
'No, Helen, please-'
Helen yanked the underwear down, exposing her, and cupped her in her hand.
Her hips ground into the pressure of their own accord.
‘Ah-‘ Helen’s other hand pinched a nipple as she smiled,’ keep still, Carol’.
Carol screwed her eyes shut and willed her ass to stop shifting up, steadied her legs, braced against the hospital bed. She was instantly rewarded.
Helen pushed her firmly down with one hand, spat into the other, slid two fingers inside and slowly began to fuck her.
‘Oh god Hel- ah- fuck- fuck- fuck- god-‘ The stream of words fell from her mouth unbidden. She had always been loud, gave up being embarrassed by it with Helen. Helen who loved giving her shit for it. Helen who knew her inside and out.
Helen’s fingers built up to a precise rhythm that she knew she loved, the heel of her hand bumping her clit. With a flush, Carol knew this wouldn't take long. Her legs were trembling. Helen's free hand wound into her hair, made a fist that pulled deliciously against her scalp and Carol groaned as her mouth was suddenly at her ear, her breath hot and wet on her neck.
‘That’s it’, Helen muttered into her ear,’ so good. You’re so hot like this Carol. Spread out and fucked. So good for us’.
‘I- ah- fuck-‘
Carol’s legs seized as Helen’s bent thumb found her clit. The surge of pleasure was accompanied by a vicious spike of pain: Helen had sunk her teeth into her neck, but she was already coming, strung out, overstimulated, sobbing and gasping.
She felt tears slip down her face as Helen’s fingers fucked her through the peak, drawing every last drop out of her.
When she finally came down, the throb in her neck made her gasp.
‘You… you bit me’.
‘You are very bitable Carol’.
‘Fuck, that was… you… did you break the skin?’
Helen’s hands were warm and possessive on her face. She kissed her lips. Kissed her eyebrows. Licked tears from her cheek,’ didn’t you like it?’
‘I- I did, it was just hard. I did. Baby…’
Her stream of thoughts were swallowed by another deep, languid kiss.
Carol let herself enjoy, opening her mouth for Helen, sighing, tingling.
Eyes closed, she fumbled for Helen’s jeans, working at the button. It was a struggle: her fine motor skills had been fucked out of her. She pouted against Helen’s face.
And then she shrieked into her mouth. Helen had twisted a nipple, hard.
‘Hands, Carol’.
‘Fuck’ she whispered, winding her hands back into the bedspread. She should be spent here, but this treatment was enough to send another pulse to her clit, already.
‘Did you think we were done?’
‘No- I-‘
Helen rolled back on her heels, smiling. Slowly, she reached past the open button of her jeans.
‘Is this what you want, Carol?’
Eyebrow quirked, her hand disappeared into her underwear.
Carol whined,’ Helen… holy fuck’.
Helen’s hips canted forward and back as she fucked herself. Carol felt her own hips move as well, she felt like her whole body was quivering. Helen withdrew her hand, slick, and pressed it to Carol’s mouth.
Carol did not hesitate. She opened up, surged forward and accepted three fingers down to the third knuckle. She closed her eyes, working her tongue around Helen’s fingers, humming happily.
‘Open your eyes, Carol’.
Carol did, her gaze found Helen’s. She was staring down at her like she’d never seen her like this before. The slightest frown was back, creasing her brow. Carol wanted to kiss that frown off her face.
‘Helen. I want… please, I want to kiss you’.
Helen gently pushed her down,’ yes’, she murmured,’ yes’.
Helen pulled her jeans off and stepped out of them. Carol’s stomach flipped as her underwear followed suit, no hesitation. Helen straddled her and pushed her down until she lay on her back.
As Helen moved up her body, knees on either side of her, Carol realised where she was heading and grinned.
‘Permission to use hands?’
‘Just my legs’.
‘We’ve never done this a place like this, huh?’
She was a simple woman. Presenting her with an opportunity to eat out her wife went miles to putting her world right.
‘Why don’t you put that mouth to better use, huh?’
Sure thing baby.
Carol scooted down the bed, gripping the tops of Helen’s thighs and pulled her down onto her face.
How many hundreds of times could you do this and not get bored of it? Carol could spend a lifetime eating her wife’s pussy and not tire of it. Clearly this was what life was about. Why have I been wasting my time writing?
Helen was clearly as worked up as she was, Carol's face was instantly soaked. It was unsurprising but gratifying, and Carol's cheeks lifted in a smile as she pulsed her tongue inside.
Helen started panting immediately.
Now Helen, Helen was not a talker. It was more subtle noises Carol knew to listen out for.
When she flattened her tongue to lick a broad stripe all the way to Helen’s clit, and her wife started making small huhs at the back of her throat, that was when she knew she was doing a good job. She lapped at her entrance, then swirled her tongue back around her clit, picking up the speed as Helen’s thighs squeezed her face.
She dug her fingernails into the fleshy crease between thigh and hip, pressing up, nuzzling her nose into the curls of Helen’s hair, blissed out, jaw aching beautifully, tongue working. When she hummed happily Helen’s huhs graduated to grunts and she started grinding down hard on Carol’s face.
Jackpot.
She sharpened her tongue, flicking it over Helen’s clit firmly. Her wife’s hands were suddenly yanking her hair, thighs pulsing, she was gasping.
Come on baby. That’s it. I love you. I love you.
There was a moment that hung in time, as Helen, whose eyes and head had rolled back, seemed to force herself to come back, to make eye contact with Carol, staring at her unblinking, gripping her hair tight, even as her gasps reached a peak and she shuddered exquisitely against Carol's tongue.
Carol moaned into her, her mouth kept up the pressure as Helen quivered and shook against her face, kept it up until Helen finally withdrew with a satisfied groan, shuffling back down Carol’s body until she was straddling her lap.
‘I love you. Helen, I love you so much. I love you’, Carol keep squeezing Helen’s thighs, grounding herself, she was here, she was warm, she was soft, she was OK.
Helen cocked her head, smiling down at Carol.
'You did a good job, Carol. We love you’.
‘Who the fuck is we-?’
Gently, Helen leaned in and began licking her face, which was a mess of juices and spit, and the pronoun lost it's importance. Carol felt a warm burst of happiness spark in her chest. Like fireworks.
Carol laughed fondly in spite of herself as Helen carried on lapping at her chin, her lips,' that's kinds gross. Imagine doing that if we hadn't just done that'.
Helen hmmmed again, against her face. When she was done thoroughly cleaning around her mouth, she moved in for another deep kiss, and Carol tasted her on her own tongue and shivered with pleasure.
'Do you still want to go home, Carol?'
The question was like a cold draft, bringing back their evening, grounding Carol once more. She shuddered.
‘Helen, we’re so screwed, we’re not going to get a cab tonight’.
‘It won’t be a problem’.
‘If you say so’.
The lapsed into silence. Helen was still pinning her, their legs in a lazy tangle, Helen propped up on her forearms. Once more she was gazing at Carol, in a way that was somehow familiar yet perplexing. Like she was drinking her in.
‘Helen’, she whispered. She didn't want to break the beautiful bubble they had created, didn't want to invite the fear back into the room. But she was remembering the sight of the whole ER spasming, and the sickening dread was slowly returning,’ Do you remember what happened earlier? Do you remember falling?’
Helen sat back on her haunches and sighed.
‘I think maybe you would be happier if you got dressed now, Carol’.
‘Huh?’
‘There is something We need to tell you’.