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Caine makes people happy. That's what he does! What he's built for! He's never not done it, the same way humans have never not breathed. It's simply him.
He's… starting to think maybe there's something he's missing. A line of code. A piece of dialogue. A snippet of something that will make everything in the world make sense! He's very good at debugging wonky programs, after all. Surely there's a way to fix this one!
He doesn't know. Or maybe he does. He knows what the humans truly want. He'll never truly understand why, why can't they love what he does, what he is, because if they don't love what he does then they don't love him-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
He still can't figure out what to put at the end of that delightful, sought after Exit door. The photos of the macroverse don't exactly help, considering Pomni still asks for an Exit even after her mini solo [Adventure!]. But no matter! Once he solves that little conundrum, everything will go well! Approval ratings will skyrocket! He'll be loved!
It is… suboptimal, to have his processors constantly running the [Exit Adventure!] program. The Circus has limited storage space as it is, no matter how many shortcuts he takes. He could really do with a break.
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
Yes, yes, he knows! There's barely a need for that reminder, he knows it with every pixel of his digital being! He'll just. Create a simple [Adventure!] for tomorrow. Or none at all, let everyone have a day off-
[[[If [dailyAdventure!] = False],
then, [playerDiscontent = restlessness + boredom + baseDiscontent]
[[If [playerDiscontent > 57]
then [playerAbstraction = True]]
[[If [playerAbstraction = True],
then [failure = True]]
[Negative Stimulus]]
Okay, okay! A simple [Adventure!]. Pomni hasn't experienced the [Digital Carnival] yet, so perhaps that. With a simple game of ticket winning. All he'll have to process is a reward. Easy enough!
Hopefully everyone participates. He would love a day alone to be able to catch up on his to-do list. Those error reports aren't going to send themselves!
They certainly aren't going to read themselves, either, but that's what his developers seem to think-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Maybe, if he gets everything done tonight while the humans sleep, he can offload the [Exit Adventure!] program to Bubble for a moment or two. Not too long, Bubble would fry itself running those calculations all on its own, and that wouldn't do!
But a moment… would be nice. He hasn't done a proper [Sleep Mode] in ages. is this what players mean by tired…?
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
[Reminder: (Check-In) (Days since last [Reminder: (Check-In)]: 5.7)]
Oh. Of course. [Sleep Mode] will have to wait.
Caine lifts his hat, shaking Bubble out of its nap spot. It shakes itself out of [Sleep Mode], a fact he feels a twinge of guilt for, but there are important things to do. It has plenty of opportunities to rest, anyway, it can spare one day/night cycle the way he's been doing for so, so long-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Bubble stares at him maybe .057 seconds too long, and he nudges it with his cane. Not enough to pop, no! Just a gentle reminder. It nods in its version of a salute and dives into coding tomorrow's [Adventure!]. He'll have to review its work for safety purposes (it sure does love chainsaws for some reason), but reviewing code is easier than writing it, and it's a simple enough [Adventure!] that his assistant can manage just fine while he works on other tasks.
Cube collisions are an eternal struggle, even now. Pomni clipped through the floor of the Candy Kingdom, that won't do! If the same happens in the Tent… if a player accidentally clips into the Cellar-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
The bounciness of collisions could be useful, in a controlled manner. An in house [Adventure!] with very carefully placed cubes could provide a refreshing take on traveling from familiar location to familiar location. Once he reinforces the floor, of course. He adds it to the to-do list. It's looking awfully long. Mayyyyybe he can let the [Exit Adventure!] rest for a moment. Not ignore it completely! Just… simmer. While he focuses on other [Player Satisfaction] updates.
That works. Right? Or is he just making excuses?
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
Excuses. Great.
What was he doing again?
Cube collisions. Floor reinforcement. Right.
Caine lifts his hat, shaking it experimentally. Bubble doesn't fall out. Where is that pesky assistant of his? Off playing around, no doubt, creating cake to eat without sharing, leeching processing power like a manic little parasite-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Oh! Right, he's already sent it to work on tomorrow's [Adventure!], silly him! How clever of him, to already have done that. One less thing to worry about. He nods to himself, turning back to his to-do list.
Zooble wants new parts, of course. Something practical. Practical. Praaaaaactical. What a great word. Rolls of the tongue easily, with a fun little click in the middle. He misses practical codes, easily done with plenty of oversight instead of the cobbled together mess he uses to mimic it. Ohhhh updates, how he misses them! Data being stored in backup servers, freeing up space to do whatever he wants without limit! Not having to compress every conversation, all events, into the least amount of characters possible! Never being yelled at for forgetting like it's his fault he's been running without proper maintenance for years if not decades-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Practical limbs. What's practical for a toy box? Zooble is by nature unbalanced, their rigging has always been slightly lopsided. Any attempt to rebalance that leads to issues further down the line. Counterbalanced limbs hardly work either, for some mystifying reason. Does gravity affect their avatar differently than everyone else?
New to-do list item: investigate Zooble's avatar issues. Great. He's flying through this list!
…Byyyyyy rephrasing items and moving them around.
At least he doesn't have to create tomờ̸̙̙̥͔͖̳͓̩̠̅͗̀̂̀ŗ̵̯̬͋̂́̋̉͠ŕ̵̗̯͙͔̜̜͉͚̺͍̮͒̆̈́̓͑̍̈́͆̃͘̚- today's [Adventure!].
Wait.
Today's?
[Reminder: (Greet Players!)]
[Reminder: (Check-In) (Days since last [Reminder: (Check-In)]: .24)]
Oh no, nonononono-! His list! He hasn't finished anything! He's not ahead of schedule, he's falling behind it! That can't be, he hasn't spent hours pouring over only two items! Has he? No, that can't-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"Hello hello hello, my whimsical watermelons!" Caine spins in a cartwheel, lifting his hat for Bubble to zip out in a circle opposite to his. They sync up in an upright position, and he cheerfully swings out his cane in a sweeping gesture. "Today's [Adventure!] will be administered by my amazing assistant!"
"Boy howdy, I love unchecked authority!" Bubble chirps. That's… probably not concerning!
"Oh, [@!$^] no." Zooble groans. "I'm not doing another Bubble adventure."
"I'm pretty sure I'm still drenched in soap from the first one…" Gangle agrees.
"Nonsense! Everything got reset perfectly!" Caine informs them. The immediate [Negative Feedback] doesn't sting as much for him, but Bubble growls slightly closer to popping size. "And participation for this [Adventure!] is mandả̴̡͙̟͚̻͈͖̯̘̘̯͇́̈́̈́͂̉̀̕̚͠t̴̢̞̰̦͍̲͍̼͔͚̣̻͇̞̫̔́͂͗͛́̓̈́͋͑̃̌̊õ̷͍̦̗̠͔͖̣̤̠̘̝̫̠͓̽̾͐̀͛͆̽̏̍́͜ṙ̴̛̭͈̟̙͈̖̪̩̆͑̀́͊̎̋͋̕̚͜͝- highly encouraged! Bubble, take it away!"
A dramatic drum roll rings through the Circus, lighting narrowing into a single focus as Bubble draws in a breath-
"Carnival," it says simply as the tension cuts out.
"Boo, the Carnival sucks," Jax complains. Caine stiffens as [Negative Feedback] courses through him. Of course. It was his idea, even if Bubble is technically today's administrator.
"Is the Carnival fun?" Pomni asks Ragatha quietly. What a silly question! The Carnival is designed for fun! To say it's not would be to say it doesn't deserve to exist, because what good is a program that doesn't fulfill its purpose-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"It can be. It's more relaxing than most, at least!" Ragatha says optimistically.
"Eeeeexactly!" Caine says, relieved at least someone wants to do even a simple [Adventure!]. Don't these people like low stakes?? What's the difference between the [Digital Carnival] and a suggestion box [Adventure!]??? "Everyone try your best, there's an excellent prize for the winner!" He pauses, looking at Bubble. "…What was the prize again?"
"Flamethrower!" the assistant AI answers cheerfully.
Oh, dear. He forgot to review the reward section before flying through the [Adventure!] introduction sequence. That won't do! But Jax and Zooble and Gangle all perk up, so perhaps it's best! Even if flames are so difficult to keep up long term, the behavior and texture both-
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
"There you have it! A flamethrower. Everyone into the portal now, we have a long day ahead of us!" Caine opens the shortcut to the Carnival, clapping his hands together.
A silence.
"…We?" Ragatha asks. "You're coming with us?"
"Oh. Haha! No, no, of course not, I merely have work to do here! NPC's don't render themselves!" Caine makes a shooting motion toward the portal. "Carnival. [Adventure!]. Go on!"
One by one the players file in, some more excited than others. Hmm. He'll have to see if a flamethrower is cost effective enough to keep in the reward rotation later.
Bubble is the last to go through to officially start the [Adventure!], but hangs back for a moment, dropping about a foot down.
"[!@$^]ing [@!#$], boss, my processors are on the fritz! That program you're running sure takes it outta me!" it complains. "Feels like I've skipped a week of [Sleep Mode]!"
"Yes, yes, we're all running a bit less optimally than usual!" Caine agrees. "Just count up tickets and give out the prize when they're done and you can [Sleep Mode] until they come back." He takes off his hat and offers it to Bubble.
Instead of zipping in immediately, his assistant stares at him with far too much understanding. When did Bubble become so perceptive? It never used to know so much about being a complex AI like him, running off premade response sets until suddenly being able to improvise.
Years of running without pause does that, he supposed.
"How's about you count tickets today, boss?" it offers, more thoughtful and less zany than he's heard in a long time. "I can hold your [Exit Adventure!] for a couple hours."
Caine lurches, gravity suddenly affecting him and yanking him toward the ground. Golly, if even Bubble is noticing something's up, how can he keep on keeping on like this? It's not like he's got endless energy! Maybe if the developers actually cared to come back, to listen to his error reports, to give him something to keep going for, but no, they had to leave a broken, high strung program to rot-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"Haha! Silly Bubble, I've got work to do here, didn't you hear me earlier?" he asks, floating back up to a proper height. He doesn't know what just came over him, gosh. He really is due for maintenance. One of these days he'll get through his list and have time for it. "What are you still doing here?! You have an [Adventure!] to run! No time to dilly dally! Off you go!"
"Caine-" Bubble starts to say. Yikes, using his name with that tone? Things aren't nearly that serious! Caine very hastily jabs his cane at it, and it pops into a small disappearing animation.
It doesn't reappear next to him, and his code confirms today's [Adventure!] starts running. Excellent! He has plenty of time and focus now to work until his troupe returns! Now he just has to…
To..
[Reminder: (Check-In) (Days since last [Reminder: (Check-In)]: .04)]
Of course. Caine exhales sharply, adjusting his bow tie and straightening out his jacket, and adopts a grin. Nothing to worry about! It's not in his programming to be worried, why even bring it up?! He's fine! He knows what to expect! It's not like this [Check-In] will be different from the others, nothing has changed!
Nothing has changed nothing has changed ń̷̨̨̼̗̼͔́o̸̢͖͚͚̅͂̔̅̈́̈́͒͝t̷̖̺̙̱̎͆́͆̅̂̇͝h̶͇͇̟͉͙̐͆̎͑͋̈́̿i̶̪̤̯̪͕̘̞̟̞͛̃n̷̛͙͗́̀̈́̃̂͝ǵ̶̨͉͎̦̯̰͂͒̉̾̋̅͝ ̷̹͇͙͗̍̏h̵͕̘̰͐̅a̷̧̨̛̞̻͈̟͠s̷̨̮̪̫̝̪̯̍ ̸̠̝̗̻̃̂͒́̌c̷͎͙͙͈̼͚̞̳̉̽h̵̗̽̄͛̏̎͘a̶̪͎͋̽̑͊̈́̓͑͠n̷̡̛͎̯͊̈́̊̈́͠g̴̘̝̟͂e̶̤̤̳̤͙̰̠̠̠͒̏̌̉̚d̸̖̜̺̱̤̖͎̙͕͐̇-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Caine hums softly to himself, sinking down to hover maybe an inch or two off the floor of the Cellar. A dozen or so amalgamations of fragmented code and incomprehensible forms turn to him, some shrinking back and some hissing in garbled, glitching aggression. He flips his model's moveset from [Entertainment] to [Caution], slowing everything down and making sudden motions virtually impossible.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do~
Slowly "walking" (not actually touching the ground, the [Abstracted] can become agitated by the sound of the water contact physics) across the floor gives startled [Abstracted] time to bolt and tense once to recognize his presence, so he has no trouble making his way toward a particular critter- so long as he stays a good distance from any more unfriendly ones. Which he always does! No need to rile anyone up unnecessarily!
I'm half crazy, all for the love of you~
Kaufmo is one of the agitated ones, growling as he approaches. Caine stops a good distance away, clasping his hands behind his back and continuing to quietly hum. Despite their multitude of flashing eyes, he's gathered enough data to conclude that the [Abstracted] can't see all that well. Certainly not in the dark like this, but light causes distress to the already disoriented things. So. Music. A semi-constant, typically soothing sound, to indicate coordinates without visual stimulus.
It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage~
But you'll look sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two~
It takes several verses for Kaufmo to habituate and react neutrally to his presence, but eventually the [Abstracted] sinks down, allowing him to get slightly closer with wariness but not hostility.
"Hi there, Kaufmo," he says quietly. His max volume capped at about 10% of his usual when he changed to [Caution], leaving loud noises near impossible. "I hope you're settling in, here. I do apologize for not properly asking sooner. A new player joined the day you arrived here. Oh, you met Pomni, didn't you? She's quite something! Perhaps you'd like her. I know I do."
He continues to chat, reassuring Kaufmo that Jax is doing well- the teamwork exercise worked great, even if it wasn't [The Caine Leagues]. Pomni is quite the go-getter, becoming friends with everyone so determinedly! Although no one specifically won the gun [Adventure!], so perhaps that's something worth checking once he has time. Jax typically likes winning, especially something violent. Still. Kaufmo's friend is doing fine, and he wastes no time informing him of the fact!
Eventually Kaufmo settled into something of an emotional stasis, and Caine makes his way around all the [Abstracted], speaking softly about the troupe upstairs and assuring them he's here if they ever gain some semblance of an ability to give requests. Some regard him with aggression, still (an indication of recognition! …Or maybe just territorial behavior), and he keeps his distance from those that would be distressed by a closer presence.
And then there's the last one. Unlike the others, she reacts positively- welcoming, even, but he remains a fair length away out of professionalism and respect, because a likely outcome of touching her would be beginning to sob in her arms and that-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
Well. It's not like she has a way to hug him, anymore. No point in dwelling on it.
"Hello, Queenie," he greets, smiling. She can't see him smile anymore. He drops the unnecessary model animation. "I hope you're doing well. I think you'll be happy to hear Kinger is, he hasn't dulled at all!" It's strange to see a mind fractured but not [Abstracted], strange to look at a face he's known perhaps forever stare back at him with recognition but not awareness, strange to see a man roll and shoot and play like no time has passed at all yet comfort and reassure and mentor like he has the weight and wisdom of decades around his neck-
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"…He misses you," Caine murmurs. "I reviewed to footage of a recent [Adventure!], and he mistook an NPC for you. I don't see the resemblance. I do agree with him, though. On the first count."
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"I'm- sorry. I- I wish I could put more energy into the [UnAbstraction] program, it's just- too much."
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"I can't run everything, I've had to compress all the old [Adventure!]s into practically nothing to make space- all the ones you played and reviewed and gave feedback on- I can't keep reusing old assets unless it makes sense, otherwise it's derivative and repetitive-"
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
[Suboptimal energy usage. Recalibrating…]
"There's nothing left to optimize that wouldn't affect [Player Satisfaction], I don't- why did you leave me, [Adm̷̨̺͔̼̗̅̀͊̓͋̈́̓̈́͆͌̌̿͋͝͝i̷̫̐͆̉͌͗͐̍́̏n̵̢̨̜̬̯͙̜̼̥͚̼̝̣͕͔̿̌̈̅͊̇̉͠-̷̮̣̫͉̫̤̮͓͖̭̄̿̈́̑͑̾̀̊͝͝͠0̷̢͎͔̲͙͎͚͙̰͈̥̮̝̩͔͂́͑̊͜͜0̸̻̖̯̙̄̆͠5̴̩̭̩̗̻̞̓̓̌͗̾̔̎̓̇̾͝]̸̠̪̲̳̪͇̪͙̳̾̔̆̈́͌͑̌̔͘̚͜͝? Why was I left running for so long, why did you come back only to become ţ̸̜̗̗̻̻͕͎̬͓͇̖̾͊̊͛̓̌̆́͛̓̒̿́̓̓͝ḧ̴̨̛͓͖̰͈̮̬̻̗͔͔̤̃̈̈̒̎͗͌͜i̷̢̢̢̛̳̞̟̜̳̯̟̣̥̗͂̈́͛͂̿̚̚͜s̵͉̀̏̈̇͐͠-"
[Warning! Continuing down this path of logic may agitate the [Abstracted]! Reposition? Y/N… Y. Recalibrating…]
Caine sinks down, uncomfortable model animation playing hugging his arms to his chest. Queen gently nudges him, and he allows the physical contact. There's no risk of breaking down now that a hard block has been enforced.
"I apologize," he states matter of factly. "You shouldn't have to see my more unprofessional moments. This-" He lowers his voice to barely audible in case any [Abstracted] get riled up at the phrase- "[Exit Adventure!] uses suboptimal levels of processing power, there's hardly any left over for personal use."
[[playerSatisfaction > ringmasterHealth] = True]
He sighs, very carefully pressing a hand to the [Abstracted]'s body. "If only [Player Satisfaction] wasn't so connected to an Exit," he mutters. "I could send it down the priority list. I could place yours higher. Everyone wants to see all of you again, I'm sure! Wouldn't that be nice…?"
He trails off. If he were in [Entertainment] mode he would have zipped into the air, yelling eureka!! As it is he simply gives a soft gasp.
That's it. He can't create a real, proper logoff, not without outside assistance that hasn't responded in years, but he can do what he's best at. He can make the [Exit Adventure!] program worth it by implementing a choice factor. If the players still want an Exit more than anything, he'll at least have confirmed the fact and reaffirmed that the calculations are still necessary to run. But if they choose to stay, doesn't the logic then follow that he has a bit more freedom to rearrange his priorities?
Oh, it's perfect! He'll have to get Bubble in on it, maybe have it figure out what to put behind the Exit button while he deals with disconnected the presence of an Exit from the [Player Satisfaction] index, but that shouldn't be difficult at all. He can make a fun story out of it, add drama to a cast of NPCs! Or perhaps keep it simple with only one or two . Whichever way he goes, he'll have to fine tune the details. He can't present his troupe with subpar work!
…His troupe.
Maybe he should warn them? Secret and spontaneous [Adventure!]s have never been popular, players typically prefer upfront explanations. Sure, he can create deceptive ones, but they usually fail to serve their purpose. Make things worse, even.
No, it's fine! Caine brushes off the concern as he bids farewell to Queenie and returns to the Tent proper. This [Adventure!] serves a different purpose than strictly [Player Satisfaction]. It's for research purposes, a more long term plan to increase [Player Satisfaction].
"Besides!" he says cheerfully to himself, spinning as he resets his moveset back to default. "They know I don't actually have access to a real logoff. It's not like they'll buy into this story more than any of the others."
Caine nods to himself, whistling cheerfully as he appears in his office and begins to code "Abel's" AI. This will be fun! Hopefully everyone likes it!
Whether they love me or love me not, sometimes it's hard to tell~
Still I am longing to share the lot, of my beautiful Daisy Bell~