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Yeosang didn’t think his hands could stop shaking. He shoved them in between his thighs, in his lap, under his legs, and yet they shook.
“There’s no pressure,” Feix says, a slip of a smile on his face as he looks at Yeosang. It’s a look full of endearment and charm, which seems misplaced in Yeosang’s mind. There’s no way Felix is here, sitting on his bed, asking to kiss him. He must’ve died the savior of the world in his past life to deserve this.
“Yeosang,” Felix repeats his name, a small laugh escaping him as if he’s charmed by his nervousness. It makes Yeosang feel even more sweaty.
“No, I want to. Like- a lot.” Yeosang stutters over his own tongue, feeling ridiculous as soon as the words leave his mouth. His lisp comes through from just those words alone. He wants to swallow his tongue and never speak again.
“You seem nervous,” Felix’s hand grabs one of his from where he’d hidden it in his lap, holding it carefully between two of his own. “Stop shaking, it’s just me.”
Yeah, just you. Yeosang could recall his crush back to earlier that year, at cheerleader tryouts. As soon as he’d seen Felix, it was like all of the air had been squeezed out of his chest, leaving him with feelings too large to handle. It was worse seeing him every day, and Felix was kind and always made sure to reach out so Yeosang felt included. How could he not fall so deeply into his feelings for Felix?
They’d been dating for three weeks now, and it’d been the best of Yeosang’s life. If he died now, he would definitely die the happiest man on earth, and it’d probably be at the hands of one of Wooyoung’s crazy school projects.
The most they’d done was hold hands. It was so middle school- but Yeosang was on cloud nine. He hadn’t thought anyone would willingly want to date him, with a mouth full of braces, awkward mannerisms, and a lisp so bad he pretty much spat whenever a word had the letter s in it. Anyone, including Felix, who pretty much ran the cheer team and half of the school.
And here he was, sitting on Yeosang’s bed, his hair pulled into a half ponytail and his pajamas endearingly oversized on his body where he sat criss-crossed.
“I don’t want you to be nervous,” Felix continues, a small tilt of his lips. As if this whole thing was endearing and not painfully awkward and tense. “You should be less nervous with me, Yeosang.”
His voice goes deeper, gentle and smooth, and it sends shivers down his spine, a blush heating his cheeks.
“I-I know,” He laments. He stares down at where Felix holds his hand, dread settling in his gut at how ridiculous he must look right now. He doesn’t understand why Felix would even want to kiss him.
Felix stays quiet, eyes on Yeosang’s face, and he really hopes he doesn’t have any dry skin on his lips. He licks them, then bites for good measure. His patience wins out over Yeosang’s, and he finds himself blurting.
“I don’t know how to kiss.”
Felix smiles, and it reaches his eyes. Yeosang looks away as soon as he feels the fluttering in his stomach, queasy.
“Me neither,” Felix admits easily, his thumb brushing gently over the back of Yeosang’s hand. “So we’re on the same page.”
“You don’t?” Yeosang asks, face so hot he’s sure he’s bright red.
Felix shakes his head easily enough, a dimple imprinted on his cheek, like a small fingernail mark.
“I want to kiss you, Yeosang. Is that okay?” Felix asks, his voice lower, like talking to a scared animal. It’s how Yeosang felt, honestly, so he wasn’t far off.
“I-I won’t be good,” Yeosang warns, his voice fast and frantic. “And it’s going to be so embarrassing.”
Felix looks charmed at his nervous words, despite how they come out slightly slurred, despite his clunky braces, and his voice, which is probably too loud for how close they sit now. Yeosang doesn’t understand it, the affection. How it shines through so easily in his eyes and his upturned lips.
Felix smiles, showing off his straight white teeth as his perfect lips upturn. They contrast against his blond hair, unlike how Yeosang’s would probably accentuate just how off-white his teeth are.
“It’s okay, Yeosang, we don’t have to,” Felix assures him, gentle and firm. Like he’s determined not to let Yeosang feel guilty about denying it. “We can keep playing-”
“I want to,” Yeosang interrupts him loudly, “Please.”
He doesn’t think Felix has stopped smiling once this whole time. His hands squeeze his tighter before one pulls away to gently smooth over Yeosang’s jaw and cup his face. Yeosang feels sweaty. He knows he must be embarrassingly red at this point.
Felix’s thumb brushes gently over his skin, and it takes him a long moment to put aside his panic to realize that he’s tracing his birthmark, right next to his eye.
“Can I kiss you?” Felix asks, voice soft.
Yeosang licks his lips, looking down at Felix’s lips. He feels self-conscious under his close gaze, his heart pounding so loud in his ears he’s surprised he can even hear Felix’s voice.
“Yes,” He says, and despite the confident air in which he tried to say it, his lisp still curls over the end of the word. He feels embarrassed.
Felix’s smile softens as he leans closer, their noses gently bumping. Felix laughs softly at that, and it helps ease some of his tension.
Their lips meet, and Yeosang has never done this before. He closes his eyes and his lips tense, as if he were giving a goodnight peck to San or Wooyoung.
Felix’s lips are hot and warm, soft as he gently kisses them and pulls away. It takes Yeosang a moment to realize why- and it’s because he’s laughing.
Dread settles in his gut, and he feels sick.
Felix was laughing at him.
But there’s no way- Felix wouldn’t actually laugh at him, right? Oh god, he was so bad at kissing, and now Felix realized that Yeosang’s a loser, just like everyone had been saying.
Before his panic can rise any more, Felix squeezes his hand while his other hand cups his face more firmly.
“Yeosang,” Felix breathes softly, “You have to relax.”
Yeosang feels his heart rise to his throat, embarrassment eating at his stomach.
That’s the thing- he can’t relax. How was he supposed to, with Felix touching him like this?
“Yeosang,” Felix is laughing again, but it’s clear that it’s lighthearted. He isn’t making fun of Yeosang. “Take a deep breath, okay? You gotta relax your lips a little bit, yeah?”
“Okay,” He breathes out. Felix lets go of his face to grab Yeosang’s hand, the one awkwardly sitting in his lap.
“Here,” Felix murmurs, leading Yeosang to put it on the nape of his neck. “That’s less awkward, huh?” He asks as he still holds Yeosang’s other hand with his free one, his other hand cupping his face again.
Except it’s not less awkward, because Yeosang is aware of how sweaty his palm is, against the nape of Felix’s neck, and how soft Felix’s hair is as it brushes his fingers, and he doesn’t know how he’s expected to relax under these conditions.
Felix's eyes peer into his, slightly curved with a smile that’s not on his lips.
“Can we try again?” Felix asks as his nose brushes Yeosang’s. It’s a gesture so filled with casual affection that Yeosang isn’t sure how to handle the feelings building up in his chest.
“Yes,” Yeosang agrees back, despite how sweaty his hands are, how twisted in nerves his stomach is, and how his ears burn in a blush. Felix is so close now that Yeosang goes crosseyed before he closes them, squeezing the lids as if his eyes hadn’t yet adjusted to a bright light.
Felix leans in again, and Yeosang can’t see him move, but he can feel it- despite how blocked his senses seem due to the rush of anxiety.
Their lips meet, and it’s softer this time with Yeosang relaxing his jaw, and with the glide, he can now taste the vanilla of Felix’s lip balm.
Yeosang hopes Felix can’t hear his heartbeat, pounding so loudly he’s sure it’ll crawl up his throat. Felix just smooths his thumb over his cheek again, and Yeosang can feel the breath he lets out of his nose against his cheek.
The kiss lasts ten seconds, and it feels like both the shortest and longest time of his life. When Felix parts, he doesn’t pull far away. Yeosang is aware of everything- how loud they both breathe, the small noises of a press of lips, a shift on the bed. Yeosang feels the lip balm smear as he nervously licks his lips.
He hesitates to open his eyes, nerves tingling in every part of his body, but he can feel the way Felix shifts, and he can feel his eyes on him.
“You okay?” Felix asks once Yeosang peeks open his eyes, eyebrows furrowed in genuine care.
Yeosang nods, unable to do anything but stare at Felix’s lips. The ones that were just on him.
He thinks he must have died and gone to heaven, and here is an unreal angel version of Felix to greet him at the gates.
Gaining an air of confidence, Yeosang closes his eyes and leans in to connect their lips again. He misses and hits the corner of his mouth, but before he can even be embarrassed, Felix gently guides him back, and Yeosang feels his lips smile softly against his as they kiss again.
It’s slow, and they fumble softly against each other as they learn where it’s comfortable to hold, or how to move their lips in a way that accommodates the other. Yeosang is significantly worse, and it’s obvious when Felix lets out a small noise of discomfort when they kiss too hard, and Yeosang’s metal brace hits against his lips.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry,” Yeosang pulls away to hold Felix’s face, his nervousness over touch now replaced with a guilt in his chest. “Di-Did that hurt? I’m sorry.”
Felix laughs, and besides looking kiss-swollen, his lips are fine.
“It hurts, Yeosangie.” Felix muses, and Yeosang feels confused at the conflicting reactions.
Before he can respond, a question or an apology on his lips, Felix continues.
“Do you want to kiss it better?” He asks, and despite everything, Yeosang feels his stomach flutter and face heat.
“Wh-what?” He says meekly, hands still holding gently onto Felix’s face.
Did Felix just use a pick-up line? On him?
It’s confirmed. He’s in heaven. Wooyoung must have finally killed him, and this is all a hallucination, and wow, he didn’t know babysitting kids made him a good enough person to go to heaven and get an angel like this, but he is not going to complain.
Felix seems shy as he waits for Yeosang to respond, almost like he’s nervous, which is ridiculous because Yeosang is a loser who isn’t even deserving to be in his presence.
“Okay,” is the best response he can muster, because he doesn’t think his brain even works, and if he says anything more, he might just puke all over Felix, and that would definitely kill the mood.
They lean in again, and just like before, it’s slow and gentle. Yeosang feels himself finally ease into the rhythm Felix sets, and he doesn’t feel like he’s going to throw up his pounding heart anymore, so that’s a good sign.
He can’t imagine he’s anywhere near good, though. Not like Felix, who, despite saying he’s never kissed anyone, has a natural confidence that makes it seem like he knows what he’s doing. Which he probably does, and Yeosang is the one who is behind, since he has no platonic experience with people, let alone romantic. His best friends are probably the five-year-olds he babysits. Even then, they're not the best company.
Felix’s thumb still brushes over his birthmark, and it makes him feel queasy- too much adoration in the simple gesture, and he’s sure he doesn’t deserve it.
His fingers still shake against the back of Felix’s neck, so he gently curls them into his hair, hesitant and careful not to make it uncomfortable for the other.
If anything, Felix seems to like it, as he tilts his head and hums into the kiss, a vibration against Yeosang’s lips that makes him shudder.
They part shortly after, and tongues stay inside mouths.
Yeosang feels giddy and restless, his heart beating hard, and he can’t hide the smile on his face, no matter how nervous he is to have his braces on full display.
Felix shares his smile, and it’s genuine as he pulls fully away.
For a split second, when Felix lifts his hand to his face, Yeosang is worried he’s going to wipe off his lips. But he doesn’t. He just presses a finger to them, his eyes wide in wonder.
“That was a nice first kiss,” Felix says, blinking at Yeosang.
They kissed. Yeosang thinks, his nerves pumping up again, stomach so fluttery he’s afraid he’ll be sick. He kissed Felix.
He stumbles as he pushes himself away and off the bed, face hot.
“B-Bathroom!” He calls after himself, hiding his face as he rushes out of the room.