Chapter Text
Val threw open a cupboard and shined the light from his flashlight into it, grumbling angrily in Spanish as he moved various condiments and ingredients around until he found the maple syrup.
“The best technology in the Pride Ring,” the moth muttered, high-pitched squeaks coming out with the words. “Possibly the best technology in all of Hell.” He slammed the cupboard shut, moving the flashlight to one of his lower arms to shine on the kitchen island while his top pair of arms were busy. “And the stupido televisiòn can’t figure out a way to keep the power when he overloads his fucking system!?”
Val didn’t bother with any measurement tools, simply dumping a large helping of maple syrup into his cocktail shaker that already had ice and vanilla vodka. When there was probably more syrup than vodka at that point, he set the bottle to the side, twisting the lid onto the shaker and shaking it as hard as he could.
“Stupid fucking tv…” Val gave the shaker a toss, catching it again to hold it upside-down as he continued shaking it vigorously. He moved the flashlight to his upper left hand, crossing his lower arms. “That idiot is so lucky I like him.”
His antenna twitched as he processed the buzz of electricity returning. The lights in the kitchen area suddenly all turned on, making Val squawk and nearly drop the cocktail shaker and flashlight. He screwed his eyes shut, carelessly tossing the flashlight onto the counter and took his glasses off, rubbing at his eyes.
“THAT STUPID FUCKING DEER!” Vox’s voice screamed. Val squinted in the direction the yell came from, seeing his partner angrily pacing on the other side of the island.
“Vox!” Val shouted. “Did you HAVE to turn the lights on so suddenly!? You know that hurts my eyes!”
“Shut up!” the other Overlord yelled, turning to give him a glare. “God, I am going to KILL that STUPID DEER I SWEAR TO-”
“VOX!” Val slammed the shaker onto the counter, accidentally hitting the maple syrup bottle and very narrowly managing to catch it before it fell to the floor. “Fuck!”
“Does he seriously think I’m just some unoriginal bitch?” Vox snapped.
“Oh, here we go,” Val muttered, twisting the top off of the shaker and throwing it back, not bothering to pour it into a glass.
“He said that I didn’t have any of my own ideas and that I just copy everyone who’s actually successful!” Vox continued to rave. “I mean, I have done…”
Valentino zoned his partner out, sighing and taking a smaller sip of his maple martini. His eyes fell on the flashlight that was still on the counter, still turned on. Val picked it up and turned it off, briefly contemplating if he should shine it in Vox’s face as revenge for turning the lights back on without warning.
Eh, the Media Overlord would probably refuse to fuck him for a while if he did that. Val set the light back down, taking another sip of the sweet drink. The vanilla flavor of the vodka really did pair well with the maple syrup. It was such a hassle to get shipments from the Gluttony Ring, but it was where the maple syrup was actually from Earth. And being a moth meant having a craving for all things maple. Hm… Flavored condoms had been getting pretty popular around the time he died, maybe he should see if there were maple-flavored condoms. He should really ask Vox to help him out with that; Val was able to do it on his own but it was so much nicer to have Vox do it for him.
“Hey, Voxxy,” he started asking, turning to see that Vox was still raving.
Oh yeah, Val was mad at him for causing another blackout and then hurting his eyes with the sudden lights. Eh, at least Vox was attractive when fired up. Not that the televisòn wasn’t usually attractive; he was just so sexy when he was fired up about something. Maybe when he’s done ranting about the Radio Demon he’d drag Val to bed, or a counter, or a couch… whatever surface was available, honestly, and then hold Val down real rough, slamming those two dicks of his into the moth’s holes…
Val took another swig of his martini, leaning against the counter. Vox was always rough when he was especially pissed; always going nice and deep with his double-dicks.
“VAL!”
The moth blinked, glancing over at Vox, who was glaring at him with a glitchy screen.
“You done ranting yet?” Val asked flatly, taking another swig. “By the way; do you think we could try out maple-flavored condoms?”
Vox didn’t reply, breathing deeply and clenching his fists. Val watched as the TV’s chest expanded and deflated, blue sparks of electricity flying across the light blue blazer he was wearing.
“If you’re so hung up over that deer, we could figure out if there are venison-flavored condoms,” Val offered.
“VAA-A@-AL-AL!” Vox’s screen buffered for a few seconds.
The moth huffed. “If you cause another blackout, I’m not sleeping with anyone other than my sluts for a fucking month,” he threatened. He took another swig before he added, “I swear; I thought I had anger issues.”
“You literally ripped some guy’s head off just because he called your outfit the wrong color!”
Val tilted his head. “I did?”
Vox pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes with a groan. “I swear to fuck.”
“You always get so wound up about the Radio Overlord." Val rolled his eyes. Honestly; the two of them should just fuck already.
“Annoying the shit out of me is his favorite thing to do.” Vox glanced over. “You gonna finish that?”
Val glared at him, pointedly taking a long gulp of his drink. He got an exasperated stare as a response.
“Could you at least use an actual glass instead of getting your drool all over the cocktail shaker?”
Val stiffened, licking his lips a bit. “Fuck you.” Did he get drool on the rim? He checked it, seeing pink droplets. Fuck. That was one of the only things he didn’t like about his demon form. He looked down at something? Drool. He laughed hard at something? Drool. And it wasn’t even translucent like normal, human drool! It was fucking pink. At least before meeting Vox he hadn’t had many things to laugh about.
“Whatever.” Val could hear the eye-roll in his partner’s voice. “Just use a proper glass when other people can see you. We don’t want people to think we’re unprofessional.”
Val bit down on the inside of his cheek. Obviously he wouldn’t drink straight out of the shaker when other people were around! He was in his fucking kitchen! Vox was the only one that could see him! Whatever, Vox was close to calming down. Just make a dick joke or something and change the topic.
“Yeah, because it’s so professional to go after the guy that rejected you, showing everyone how down bad you are for him and just giving him exactly what he wants from you.”
…oops.
Vox’s angry glitching returned. “Oh, so I should just ignore him whenever he talks shit about me!? I can’t have him thinking I’m weak!”
Val glared at him. “You’re just doing what he wants! Watching how much you crawl all over yourself to get to him is probably his favorite part of Hell!”
“I do not crawl all over myself!”
“Yes you fucking do! That petty bastard loves the attention!”
“Oh, you’re one to talk about being petty!”
“Bitch, Alastor is way more petty than me; he’d probably flirt with me if it meant getting under your skin!”
At that, Vox paused and blinked. Val smirked, taking another sip of his drink. He should really slow down and let the ice melt; otherwise he’d run out sooner rather than later. God, he wished he could feel the buzz.
Vox burst out laughing. “Alastor would rather die than be romantic in ANY way, shape, or form! Especially with someone like you!”
Val gaped at the television-headed Sinner. “Excuse me!? What do you mean, someone like me?”
Vox shrugged. “Someone as… open, as you are. Like, Alastor hates me, but trust me” Val twitched at that phrase “he would draw the line at doing anything with you.”
Val didn’t like how judgey Vox was at the moment. “He’d probably marry me if it meant your reaction would be funny!”
Vox cackled at that. Val clenched his left hands into fists. He threw back his drink, swallowing the rest in just a few gulps before slamming the shaker onto the counter, marching off while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He ignored Vox’s confused calls from behind him.
—
Val walked steadily out of the shop, marching down the street. He ignored the people’s stares, for once; he was on a mission. A mission fueled by pure spite, indignation, and a maple martini.
“VALENTINO!”
Oh, Vox was here. Perfect.
Val continued down the sidewalk, ignoring the Media Overlord as he chased after him.
“Val!” Vox grabbed one of the moth’s arms. “We can’t be here, are you insane!?”
Val shot him a glare. “Come on.” He shook Vox off, grabbing his hand instead.
Vox glanced around at the pale-skinned residents of Cannibal Town, putting on what Val liked to call his Happy-Through-The-Bullshit face. In the Porn Overlord’s opinion; it just made Vox look super high.
“Mind explaining why the actual fuck we’re here?” Vox asked Val with fake politeness.
“Business,” was the clipped reply.
“What?”
Val ignored Vox’s questions, continuing to drag him towards a quaint, pink building with a sign over the door reading “Franklin And Rosie Emporium.” Val made a beeline (moth-line?) towards it. He pushed past a line of Sinners (and whatever other kinds of cannibal demons Val didn’t want to think about), vaguely hearing Vox saying niceties. Val let go of Vox’s hand, heading towards a pale desk in the center of the room. Behind it, sat the head Cannibal Overlord herself.
Rosie had been watching Val since he walked in. Her solid black eyes made it somewhat difficult to tell what she was thinking, but her quirked eyebrow combined with her perfectly relaxed demeanor made him have the impression that she would at least hear him out.
“Hello, Overlord Rosie,” Val said with a grin, giving his walk a bit of a saunter. “I was hoping you might be free.”
“Overlord Valentino,” she greeted him cheerily. “I’ll just say it outright; if you’re looking to spot my people here, you won’t be having any luck.”
He waved one of his hands dismissively. “Oh, nothing like that, for once. Might my…” He gave a pointed look in Vox’s direction, “associate and I speak with you? I’ll be doing most of the talking.”
Vox was looking at him like he had just announced to plotting an assassination against Queen Lilith.
“I’m sure you’re aware of the fact that Overlord Alastor the Radio Demon is a frequent visitor of my town,” Rosie said, a warning tone cloaked under her calm voice. “Your partner over there doesn’t really get along with him.”
“I’ll keep the televisiòn in check,” Val promised.
Rosie shrugged, standing up from the desk and waving the moth and TV-headed Sinner to follow her. She led the two to a room off of the main shop area, closing the door behind her.
“So, what can I do for you gentlemen?” she asked.
Vox started, “Well, Rosie; I’m afraid my business partner had a little too much to drink-”
“Vox is only here to watch,” Val interrupted with a glare. “And I can’t get drunk.”
Rosie blinked. “Alright, my curiosity’s peaked.” She moved past them to a modest yet still charming seating area, with pastel pink couches facing a coffee table that had a posh tea set on it. “Can I offer anything to drink? Eat?”
Val hummed. “Lovely hospitality, thank you.”
She shot him a pleasant smile. “Us here in Cannibal Town are known for our good meals, you know! Nothing like a bit of good meat.” Her smile turned into a wide grin, showing off her pointed teeth.
“I myself can appreciate a good bit of flesh,” the moth agreed. “Though perhaps it’s best to get why I’m here out into the open?”
“My ears are open,” she said. “Come take a seat, will you?”
Val made his way over to the couch, Vox hesitating behind him.
“He’s actually gonna do it,” the Media Overlord muttered in shock as he followed Val at a slower pace. “He’s gonna fucking die, oh my god.”
“To put it frank,” Val started as he sat down on the soft pink couch, “you’re known to have an alliance with the Radio Demon.”
Rosie hummed in agreement as she poured three cups of tea. “If you’re here to find a weak point of his, you’ve made a miscalculation.” She took a seat in a comfortable-looking floral-patterned seat across from the Vees.
“No, nothing like that.” Val shook his head calmly. “I have a proposition for him.”
That earned him a raised eyebrow. “Alastor has no interest in sex,” she said bluntly.
Val shrugged. “Won’t be a problem, that’s not what I’m looking for.”
“Well, don’t keep us waiting!”
The new voice made the Vee duo jump slightly, Rosie not reacting as she took a sip out of her teacup. Val blinked as a shadow appeared on a wall, taking the silhouette of a thin figure, two large, pointed ears crowning their head. The Radio Demon himself seemed to emerge from the shadow, adorned in his red pinstripe tailcoat. His deer ears were facing the Vees, head tilted with a permanent yellow grin stretched across his face.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” the demon asked. “And so soon after our last confrontation, dear Vox. Don’t tell me that you’re so eager for another ego-check~!”
“This isn’t about him,” Val said, standing up. He ignored Vox’s despaired sound as the Media Overlord put his face in his hands.
Valentino walked over to the Radio Overlord, who was watching him curiously. One wrong move, he thought, and I’ll actually be dead. He stopped a few feet away from the deer, slowly lowering himself down on one knee. He stared directly into Alastor’s red eyes, reaching into a pocket to bring out a small box.
Alastor’s eyebrows shot up as Val opened up the box to reveal a ring. The band was a shiny black obsidian, adorned with a red ruby.
“Overlord Alastor the Radio Demon,” the moth said evenly, “will you marry me?”
Alastor was completely silent. Even the usual static sounds that seemed to always follow him around were gone. The silence stretched on, the only sounds being Rosie’s muffled noises that sounded suspiciously like stifled laughter.
“…I must say,” Alastor finally said. “I wasn’t expecting that. Mind explaining…” He waved a clawed hand in the direction of the ring, “your motivations for basically all of this?”
“After your and Vox’s last fight,” Val started, “he blew out the power in our tower. It pissed me off. And then when the power came back on, I wasn’t ready for the lights to turn on so suddenly, and I almost dropped the maple martini I was making. He came in, started ranting like usual, and I tried pointing out that him always responding to your taunts was just encouraging you. We argued, and eventually the conversation went to me saying that you’d probably flirt with me if you thought that it would piss him off. He responded with saying a bunch of other bullshit and insults, and I was like; ‘Alastor would marry me if it meant pissing you off!’ He laughed in my face, and so, fueled by spite and a maple martini, I decided to prove him wrong.”
Alastor stared at the moth. His shoulders started shaking as his smile widened.
“So,” Val continued, holding out the ring, “will you do me the honor of helping to prove Vox wrong, and piss the fuck out of him?”
The deer looked on in consideration at the ring. “One moment,” he finally said, walking over to a phone stand on a small table against the wall. Alastor picked up the phone, spinning the dial around a few times.
Val watched him, still kneeling on one knee.
“Mimzy, dear!” Alastor said cheerfully as whoever he was calling picked up. “I just had a small inquiry; since we are dead, does that mean that our marriage vows from our time on Earth are null?”
“WHAT!?” Vox screamed.
Alastor ignored him. “Yes, of course. I was just offered a different marriage of convenience, and I wanted to be sure that you wouldn’t feel disrespected if I accepted.” Alastor nodded along to whatever the other person was saying. “Of course you would be invited!” More nodding. “Of course, my dear! Now, I must go accept the proposal, I do hope to see you soon! Good-bye, dear!” Alastor hung up the phone, walking back to Valentino and holding out his hand. “Yes.”
Val grinned widely, Taking the ring out of the box and placing it on Alastor’s finger. He resisted the urge to touch the other demon more than strictly necessary, still having some self-preservation. He stood up, turning triumphantly to look at Vox. “I told you so!” he sang out, not making a single effort to hide how smug he was.
Vox just stared blankly in the Overlords’ general directions, screen eventually going into snowy-mode. Rosie finally lost her battle against her laughter, slamming a fist onto the arm of her seat.