Chapter Text
Shane did not mean for it to become a thing, really.
But when Hayden’s friend had founded a fake dating app where people paid way too much money simply for someone to go on a date with them, it was tempting.
The app of course verified info and the salary of its users, but when Hayden had left to go on his first “date” Shane had for sure thought that he was going to get a call that Hayden accidentally signed up to be a male prostitute. Shane had obsessively watched his best friend's location as he met some newly promoted girl from an equity firm and pretended to be her date for a company-wide fundraiser.
Hayden had come home and said it was fine, normal even. He and the girl had met at the Starbucks around the corner in order to get their stories straight and then they had arrived together at the event. No one even blinked an eye, but his date had said it helped, having someone there with her. No imposing questions about her personal life and she actually got to network with the dicks at the top of the corporate ladder who only ever acknowledged women if there was a man beside them.
Hayden had said the money was good. They had both recently graduated with their doctorates which meant way too much student loan debt. Hayden was trying to go into the private sector while Shane had picked up way too many classes to teach in an attempt to get his name out there. His graduate advisor. Dr. Crowell had assured Shane this was the best course of action when he had not been offered a full time job upon graduation.
But fuck was it terrible. He hated teaching, hated interacting with anyone that felt like he held some type of power over him. They all wanted something from him- an A without even trying, his phone number since apparently he was the hottest teacher in the department, not to mention too many college kids had their parents reach out on their behalf or send him a photo of some type of rash even though Shane was not that type of doctor.
Plus the shitty little two bedroom that he and Hayden had lived in for the past couple years was starting to show its age. At 29 he had thought maybe he was supposed to be somewhere else in life - maybe have his shit together? But he didn’t.
Hayden went on a few more dates- both with guys and girls - casually dropping the amount he made which in turn meant that Shane created a spread sheet that let him calculate the exact number of dates that he needed to endure to be able to drop one of the classes he was teaching at the moment. The number was way lower than he thought. Nine dates and he could cover his pay for one class for the entire semester since universities didn’t give a shit about adjunct professors or people that didn’t publish as often as they would have liked.
He could endure nine dates.
Or maybe he couldn’t since the first guy was a total douchebag, but Hayden assured him nothing like that would ever happen again and that the guy was going to be kicked off the app and banned. Shane felt a little better. It took him a couple of weeks to reopen the app though. He needed the time to assure himself that he could do this. The promise of having the ability to continue working on his own research that he desperately wanted to finish next semester also kept coming back to him.
His second “date” wasn’t bad - it was actually pretty boring which Shane could handle. The girl just wanted Shane to attend her high school reunion with her. Normally that type of social situation would have sent him into a tail spin, but he found that the app actually made these situations easier for Shane. He wasn’t there as himself, he was there for whatever his date needed. He didn’t need to over think or act awkward - he could just do. His date needed a drink? Shane was already getting it for her. His date needed someone to fill a silence? Shane had no problem talking about hockey to anyone that would listen. So it was easy and when the payment hit his bank account he was already mentally preparing for date number three.
Dates three and four were also kind of boring. He did like that he was getting practice reading people in social situations. It was hard for him to sometimes catch the social cues other people did. But this was good - for his wallet, for his socializing skills - it was fine. Even if he came home at the end of the dates and thoroughly showered, trying to wash off the feeling of lying to people he didn’t even know.
Rose had reached out to him randomly on a Thursday night asking if he could meet her for drinks to see if they would be able to pull off fake dating at her grandmother's birthday party. She even offered to pay him as if it were really a date and the possibility of getting two dates out of the way was too good to pass up.
When he got to the bar downtown he easily spotted Rose. She was just as gorgeous in her person as she was in her pictures.
“Um, Hi.” He said awkwardly standing by the table where she was sitting.
“Sit, eat. They brought me way too many fries.” Rose pushes the giant basket away from her and more towards Shane.
Taking off his coat he draped it on the chair and took a seat, hesitantly taking a fry.
“Oh my god.” He said.
“I know. They’re the best in the city. That’s why I wanted to meet here. Even if this was a bust, at least I got the fries.” Rose shrugs, smirking and takes a sip from her wine glass.
“Smart.” Shane said, taking two more fries.
“I know,.. So how do you normally do this?”
“Um, well this is only my fifth time…” Shane tugs at his one sleeve.
“Wow, so you're basically a slut.” Rose jokes.
“Yes, you found me out. I fake dated four people before you.” Shane tries to keep his voice even, pretending that he is comfortable with this whole thing.
“Too many it might seem…If you don’t mind me saying.”
“I don’t.” And really he didn’t. Anyone that knew him knew that this was the least likely thing to ever happen to him.
“So what? You just show up looking like that and people just tell you want to expect?”
“Looking like what?” Shane was now frowning, looking down at his linen shirt and jeans.
“Hot… I’m actually not sure why this isn’t a real date because you are definitely someone I would approach at a bar.”
“Oh, well…” Now Shane starts to squirm, “I um - I don’t really - you’re very pretty but -um -” Shane helplessly looks around.
“So that’s it. You’re shy? Uncomfortable with attention?” Rose prods again.
“No - no. I swear, I think I’m an okay fake date. I mean you said you had your grandmother’s birthday party and I like grandparents - they’re usually fun and I can definitely pretend to be cooler than I am right now….”
“I really don’t care if you do.” Shane dares to look at Rose and she is smiling softly at him. “I think you’re going to be perfect for what I need.”
“Oh. I..I thought this was going terribly.” He confesses.
“I mean it definitely is. But there is something so… endearing about you. I had thought maybe people who signed up to fake date people were - I don’t know - giant douchebags looking for an ego boost.”
“Thanks.” Shane deadpans.
“But you’re not. Or you’re the best actor I’ve ever seen.” Rose tilts her head, assessing him.
“I’m not an actor.”
“So what is it you do?”
“I just got my Doctorate in theoretical physics, so I’ve been picking up some teaching classes while I’m trying to apply for more permanent jobs.”
“Oh god, I remember those days.” Rose groans.
“You have a doctorate?” Shane asks, genuinely curious.
“I have a Phd in Clinical Psychology." Rose shrugs. “Why not experimental physics?”
“Oh, um - how do you,” Shane starts to ask, but Rose simply gives him an unimpressed look. “I like math and the principles of theory just clicked in my brain more so than all the hypotheticals of experimental.”
Not many people knew there were two very distinct parts of physics. Even less knew about the fact that the two factions of physics did not get along. Sometime, about 15 years ago, Ilya Rozanov - arrogant asshole - published an article that somehow made it into the journal for experimental physics when really it was just an elaborate scheme to embarrass the editor of the journal at the time - Dr. Roger Crowell. The same Dr. Crowell that Shane owed his career to for being such a great mentor and always encouraging Shane to go above and beyond in his classes and research.
“So what do you do now? Does it get better?” Shane needs Rose to tell him that he was in the trenches right now and that life and his post doc life would get so much better.
“I opened my own practice about two years ago. It’s actually going really well - so just hang in there, but I also had a little help in the funds department getting everything up and running, so maybe I’m not the one to ask.” Rose scrunches her mouth.
“Then no offense - and again, I’m not complaining, but why do you need me? You could probably find like a real date?”
“I could. I just don’t know that I want to.” Rose doesn’t elaborate, so Shane doesn’t push. “My grandmom, Ruth, it’s her birthday is next Saturday. Really, I just need you to basically be a buffer. My step brother is great - he’s the only non-evil one in the family - but my weird Uncle, not by blood, might imply he wants a threesome and I really don’t know if he’s joking or not. My mom is fine, normal but she’s not necessarily warm. My step dad died a couple of years ago, dementia. My grandmother is rich - like crazy rich - and always threatening to write our horrible family members out of her will. Hell, she might threaten to put you in it once she gets a good look at you. But yeah, they’re a lot. And now that I’m older and not really living under anyone’s roof I want to just be able to relax at these types of things without having to answer questions about my biological clock or if I think my strange Aunt has PTSD from a black friday shopping trip.”
“I get that.” And Shane did. After hearing more stories from Hayden that seemed to be a common complaint. Many people just wanted to enjoy whatever event they were at. For some reason society had decided that if you didn’t have a partner, your accomplishments weren’t as important as others.
“So, it’s a date?” Rose flutters her eyelashes at him.
“It’s a date.” Shane agrees.
They spens the rest of the night going over basic information to get their stories straight. Trying to keep as close to the truth as possible, they decided on the story that they had met at a bar. Rose approached him, which seemed on brand. They had been dating for three months and that’s why Rose was finally bringing him around. Rose had asked if he minded that she told her family he was a librarian - an odd request, but if that’s what she wanted, that’s what he was going with.
The night was nice. Maybe in another life Shane Hollander and Rose Landry would have actually been friends instead of co-conspirators.
—--
Shane picks Rose up in his car as they drive to her grandmother’s estate.
Who the fuck even has an estate?
“Rich assholes.” Rose answers, unbothered.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” But Rose waves him off.
“It’s fine. Trust me when you see the stupid little hedges carved into different animals, you’ll want to laugh. Grandmother Ruth likes to fuck with her children and sometimes makes the gardeners make the hedges look like them.”
“She sounds … interesting.”
“I think she’s just lonely. You know? She never knows if people just hang around her because they want to or because of the money.”
“And which category do you fall into?”
“Both.. don’t give me that look. I love that woman, but I am also adult enough to understand that she funded my schooling and helped me start my practice. I mean if her money dried up tomorrow, I’d still be here - not sure everyone can say that.”
Shane actually appreciated Rose’s honesty, there was something nice about it. It made him think that she wasn’t going to lie about things even if they weren’t pretty.
Shane took in the hedges as they made their way down the winding driveway before parking. Shane clocked that a few cars were already there before getting out of the car and going to open Rose’s door.
“Is that a jeep?” Came a voice with a slight accent from behind him.
“No, it’s British?” Shane sounds like he was asking a question, when he isn’t. He knows the make of his own damn car. He offers Rose his hand as she gets out of the car, already putting on the mask of the perfect boyfriend.
“Roz, please don’t harass my boyfriend.” Rose smiles, linking their fingers together as Shane finally turned to see who was talking to them.
Holy shit. If he had thought Rose was pretty - this man was stunning. He had curly hair and the prettiest lips Shane had ever seen. It didn’t help that he was fit. Now Shane prided himself on his work out routine and he had never been into gym bro culture but he was so tempted to ask what this guys arm routine was. From what Shane could see, the black t-shirt and jeans the guy was wearing looked like they were tailored specifically to show off his body, but also make a person want to strip him out of it in order to see more.
“Boyfriend?” The guy asks, taking his time looking over Shane. Shane wanted to will himself not to blush under the inspection but he felt the tell tale sign of heat on his cheeks.
“Yes, asshole. I told you I was bringing someone to this. Shane, this is my step-brother Roz.” Rose gestures between the two.
Rose’s step brother offered a hand to Shane.
“Hi.” was all he could muster, noticing the way Roz’s hand felt. It wasn’t sweaty like Shane’s definitely was and it sent a spark of heat down his belly just from this simple contact.
“Ok, Roz, stop hogging my date and find your own.”
“I cannot believe you are letting me suffer through this alone.” Roz says as they all turn towards the giant door.
“You couldn’t convince one of your fuck buddies to come?” Rose teases, grabbing Shane’s hand again.
“Didn’t think I should. Then they would probably want to get married and have my babies.” Roz smirks.
“Oh, the horrors.” Rose hip checks her step brother.
The party itself isn’t bad, but within 10 minutes Shane understands what Rose meant by needing a buffer. Her family was definitely imposing. Shane wanted to say that they loved her, but that wasn’t quite the right answer. They didn’t interact like people who were a tight knit family. It seemed like they were just a group of people brought together by a set of circumstances. It made Shane want to call his parents and thank them for loving him unconditionally.
He was able to be a buffer though. He successfully stole Rose away at times that it looked like conversations were getting too intense. He made sure she always had her wine glass full. He had been offered a beer and had awkwardly held it, before setting it down somewhere and forgetting about it.
Rose’s relatives were nice - they seemed interested in him. Asking him about his work as a librarian which Shane had actually researched one night and ended up in a youtube rabbit hole about the dewey decimal system. Ruth was a little intimidating, but too many of her family members wanted her attention so Shane didn’t have to interact with her one on one.
Rose’s step brother never approached him again, but Shane would catch him watching Shane run interference. Shane prayed that it wasn’t so obvious that he and Rose were not really dating. Maybe he should put his arm around Rose? Or a hand on her lower back when they were walking? But they had never talked about that and Shane didn’t like random touches himself so he kept a respectable distance and they only held hands again when they were leaving back to his car.
Getting in, Rose let out a long sigh.
“Ok?” Shane asks while starting the car.
“You’re great at all that.” Rose gestures to the house.
“Thanks?”
“What are you doing for Fourth of July?” Rose asks suddenly.
“Um - nothing?”
“Any shot you’re free for another date? Grandmother hosts a pool party and I need you there. “
“Ah, Sure.” Shane agrees easily. The teaching load for the summer was lighter than spring and fall semesters, and they always had a few days off during the holiday weekend because campus was usually empty anyway.
“It’s a date.”
“It’s a date.”