Chapter Text
Herman's grandma was your average little old lady. Very loving. Overbearing at times. A little racist, in that exhausting way all old white people are.
She would often coo about her so-called grandbaby to anyone unlucky enough to listen. "Hermie's just a dear," was common, along with the classic "that boy doesn't have a mean bone in his body!"
Granny must never learn about the vending machine incident. She'd be clutching her pearls if she ever found out, and then probably ramble out something about how her 'precious little angel' would never!
Herman wonders what she would say about the mess he got himself in now.
The conference room seemed bigger than usual. Probably because he was the only member of the Z Team there. Himself, and a very frazzled, very angry, HR grunt.
"... of all the irresponsible, childish things! You and your team are public figures, you are expected to conduct yourselves appropriately...!"
This guy must be new considering how upset he was over another Z Team related HR incident. Then again, maybe it was surprising. It wasn't often the goodie-two-shoes Waterboy was the one who caused an incident. Herman stared down in a daze at his bruised and torn knuckles.
"... You sent her to the infirmary with a fractured orbital bone and a minor concussion! The only reason you're still in this building at all is because that dispatcher of yours is damn persuasive. You really got lucky, Waterboy." The man sighed, seemingly out of steam after a good 20 minutes of lecture. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face.
The silence was loud. Or maybe that was just the tinnitus ringing in his ear from that kick to the head.
Invisigal really gave as good as she got.
"Look, kid. I'll be honest with you," the representative shook his head, "Invisigal is well within her rights to sue you for assault in civil court, and if she does, that would be entirely out of SDN's hands. While that won't technically apply to your position as a hero, it will go on your record."
Herman flinched. That... Wouldn't be ideal. Granny would probably have a heart attack. Or kill him. Or both.
"... Finish signing this paperwork here. Initial at the bottom. Give this to Blazer when you're done."
The HR rep stood and headed for the door when he paused. He looked back at where Herman was slumped, dripping in his now soaked chair.
"You're supposed to be a hero, kid. Don't start acting like them."
---
After dropping off the signed paperwork in Blazer's office, Herman quickly shuffled towards the janitor's closet in a weak attempt to hide away from everything. He kept his eyes down and back hunched, hoping to avoid any unwanted attention.
It didn't really do much. It seemed that every single dispatcher, hero, and Phoenix graduate in the SDN atrium stopped to stare at Herman as he shuffled past. A few of the particularly daring ones even whispered.
"I thought he wasn't actually in the Phoenix Program?"
"I don't know... Doesn't he have a criminal record?"
"No way. I thought that was just a clerical error!"
Grimacing, Herman closed the door behind him and slumped down into his usual bucket, pathetically hugging his knees to his chest.
What a mess.
"You've got a mean right hook, you wet fucker."
The screech that tore out of Herman's throat was almost as embarrassing as the gush of water that came with it.
"Jesus fuck, dude!" Visi squawked. In her attempt to avoid the splash-zone, the meta-human crashed into a rickety storage rack that toppled over on impact.
"What are you - what are - when did you-!?" Herman gurgled on his words as he scrambled to pull himself out of his bucket to try and salvage the paper towel rolls now scattered across the ground before they met a watery, pulpy death in his latest puddle.
"Relax, man. I turn invisible, remember?" Visi rubbed at the back of her head with a wince.
Herman let out a frustrated huff, the paper towels mostly disintegrated into piles of wet mush. He threw them down in defeat.
"Shouldn't - aren't you supposed to be at the medical - at medical?"
Invisigal scoffed and rolled her eyes. Eye. One was a sickly purple and swollen shut. Herman couldn't find it in himself to feel bad about it.
"I'm fine. It'll take more than your weird noodle arms to do any real damage to me."
"I b-broke your eye socket."
"Eh. 'Tis but a fleshlight,' or whatever the fucking quote is."
Herman felt his eye twitch.
"Why are you... Why are you here?"
“Are you kidding me? You snapped like a fucking pocky stick back there! I didn't even know you were capable of being honest to God angry!” Perplexingly, Visi smiled. “I hadta come back for an encore, man. Colm been training you or something?”
The twitch was now more like a throb, and Herman could practically feel his face flush with humiliated anger.
“I'm not your entertai- enter-! Not your t-toy for you to - to-!
Visi’s eyes raised and she let out a low whistle, clearly not taking him seriously. Not being respectful, not respecting him. As it always has been, and now, even as a hero, he just couldn’t seem to escape the world’s scorn.
“Toy for me to…? To what? Fuck? Gonna be honest, you’re a bit too thin for my taste.”
Herman saw red.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” He roared, pulling up to his full height and absolutely towering over the smaller woman. This time the reaction was more genuine, Invisigal's expression slipping into surprise before Herman shoved her hard.
Unfortunately for Visi, the closet door opened right as she backed into it. In a spectacular fumble, she spilled into the hall at the foot of a very unimpressed Robert.
“Courtney, get back to medical. You have the resources available to you. Use them.”
She scrambled to her feet, throwing a vaguely guilty look at Herman before vanishing. With Invisigal gone, Robert stepped into the closet and gently closed the door behind him.
Now Herman was alone with Robert. The guy who just saved his job. And he witnessed him lose his temper at the woman he was just disciplined for getting into a fistfight with.
This was such a mess.
“Herman,” Robert said, his tone soft but firm, leaving no room for him to dodge the conversation, “What happened out there?”
The image of Invisigal’s face snapping painfully to the side under the force of his fist flashed in his mind’s eye. He swallowed hard.
“Invis- she… said something that made me mad?”
Robert lifted a disbelieving brow. “... Made you mad. Herm, you really aren't the type to jump to violence-”
“...Vending machine…” Herman mumbled bitterly.
“-over insignificant things. There was a valid reason behind your decision to beat the shit out of Courtney. Explain it to me.” Robert grabbed a dry bucket and sat down with a gesture for Herman to do the same.
“Does everything she says always have to be a joke - joke about? S-s-s-s-se- that? Ugh!” Herman began to pace, ignoring the offered bucket. “She just makes me so - so mad! Angry! She - when she says that sh-sh-sh-shit! It makes - she makes me feel… feel…”
“Uncomfortable.” Robert said. It wasn't a question.
“Yes. Uncomfra- uncomf-rable. -Terble. Uncomfortable.” Herman's shoulders slumped. His knuckles smarted. “She always makes everything about… that… and I can't. Don't want to d-deal with it. Her.”
“I understand, Herm. Did she say anything in particular today?” Robert's eyes narrowed. “She didn't touch you, did she?”
“No. No she… she just said. Something. A few somethings. I don't want to. Um. Repeat it.”
Robert had dispatched the both of them on a mission to help some poor girl who was being harassed by a group of men. Apparently the girl had been on her way home from school when the men had surrounded her.
The situation already hit a little close to home for Herman. Invisigal's… jokes were the final nail in the coffin. He got angry. He was allowed to get angry, right? Herman didn’t know anymore. Nearly losing his job didn’t feel worth the cathartic sound of Invisigal’s bone cracking under his fist.
Robert was quiet for a moment, thinking. He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms.
“The reason why I’m asking you this is because one way or another, I’m going to find out what was said, and I’d rather give you the opportunity to tell me yourself.”
“Um… how?” Herman gurgled, swallowing back his nerves.
“Even when the mics are muted, the earpiece continues to record ambient audio for incidents like the one we’re in now. The HR investigation is in the process of downloading the transcripts, and based on what they contain, Courtney will probably end up with the same disciplinary actions as you. I say that because I know you, and I know Courtney.” Robert’s lip twitched into an almost smile. “The rest of the team is also placing bets on the whole shit show. I’d, hypothetically of course, place a good hundred dollars on Visi having provoked you.”
The dispatcher paused to let Herman take in the information before he continued.
“I won't force you to say anything. I just want you to know that if there's anything you need to talk about, and I mean anything,” Herman had to look away from the intensity of Robert's expression, as if he knew something Herman wasn't ready to share yet, “I will be here for you. Both to listen and to help. That being said.”
Robert leaned down, forcing Herman to look him in the eye.
“Is there anything you want to talk about?”
Herman just barely managed to choke out a strangled “no.”
A moment passed where Robert looked like he wanted to say something. When Herman glanced away once more, Robert pulled back. Standing, he adjusted his (now slightly damp) pants and headed for the door. Herman felt sick. Robert was probably disappointed in him. Still, he really didn’t want to share anything about his embarrassing childhood. That was for Herman to anguish over and for everyone else to never find out.
“I’ll give you some space for the time being. You have my number, Herm. I’ll always answer, day or night.” Robert murmured. The door closed, and Herman was left standing alone in a stuffy, humid closet.
The irony was not lost on him.
—
AUDIO #3H7622 - SDN COMMS
DATE: 08-08-2023
TIME START: 11:45
-
TRANSCRIPT:
SPEAKER 1/ IDENTIFIED - WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: [inaudible] should be fine. Okay. [Inaudible] You’ll be okay.
SPEAKER 2/ IDENTIFIED - CIVILIAN [REDACTED]: I just wasn’t expecting them to all gang up on me! I’m so sick of this! [muffled]
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: I understand. Understand that stuff well. Before. It’s never pleasant, is it? Sorry. But you’re doing. I mean. [inaudible] I didn’t. I think you’re doing good. For what it’s worth.
CIVILIAN [REDACTED]: [Muffled] I doubt that. Sometimes I just wish that [REDACTED] would walk me home. Then maybe horrible guys like these ones would just give up before they even try anything.
SPEAKER 3/ IDENTIFIED - INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Have you ever tried kicking those f****** in the balls?
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: [coughs] [inaudible]
CIVILIAN [REDACTED]: [laughes] No, I haven’t.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: If you try and! To fight! Make sure you yell. A lot. Loudly, so that help can come. And call, too, like you did here! Today! Actually, I don’t think we [inaudible]. Can we? Advise you on this? Legally? [inaudible]
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Of course we f****** can, dips****. Oh, new name idea. Drip s***. Get it? Like dips*** but with water.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: That’s not. [inaudible] we do this later? Actually [inaudible] this not at all?
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Woah! Was that backtalk I just heard? You've been getting mouthy lately.
CIVILIAN [REDACTED]: Um. Thank you for helping me. I should probably get home now. Mom's probably worried about me.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: Do you. Would you like to be walk. An escort?
CIVILIAN [REDACTED]: No, I'm okay. I'm just up the block. Thank you again!
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: You're well. Welcome.
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: F*** yeah, it's break time!
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: Did you have to. Why did you say that?
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Say what? Oh, the drip s*** thing? Come on man, insults are how I show affection.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: No, you. The other thing you said. The kicking?
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Are you seriously asking me why I told that poor girl to defend herself against those f****? Wow.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: No, that's not. Why did you have to be so vulgar? Crass?
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Who cares? [REDACTED] laughed, didn't she? Besides, vulgarity is the best way to tell the patriarchy to f*** right off. It's a girl thing, you wouldn't understand.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: [inaudible]
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: What did you just say?
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: I said. That's rich coming from you. You harass people all the time.
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Oh f**** you. I crack jokes. I don't hurt people.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: Yes you do! You have!
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Look, Waterboy, if this is about [pause] before. I don't do that s*** anymore. Phoenix Program and all that.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: The Phoenix Program doesn't mean anything if you. When you don't even. Don't try to change. Be different.
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: M***********! You don't know s*** about me! So f*** right off with that b*******! At least I'm not like you!
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: What? Like an actual hero?
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: No, a soggy little piss boy that has no purpose aside from pissing all over himself and s******* puddles like a f****** slip n slide.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: At least I try! At least I don't! Don't go out of my! Try and make people feel! [inaudible] Bad! Uncomfortable! You're not better than! No better than those harass! Harassers from earlier!
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: [Scoffs] That's different.
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: No, it isn't. Really. You do all this. Stuff. All the time. And with everything? With Shroud? Everyone wanted to kick. Make you leave the team, but except Golem. And we all decided! You only stayed because Robert saw. Saw something in you. And I really don't know what that. What that possibly could've. Could have been. I want to trust Robert. And I do! He's good. Good hero. Why are you wasting his! Generosity!
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: You don't know me! [shouting] I can do whatever the f*** I want! I don't give a shit about your pathetic little hard on for Robert either, so f*** right off with that s***!
WATERBOY [HERMAN FISCHER]: Stop doing that! Stop being so! So crude!
INVISIGAL [COURTNEY NUNEZ]: Or what, b*** baby? You don't like it when I say that you look like you’d happily spend your breaks under Robert's desk with his d*** in your mouth? Oh, daddy! More please! I'm always wet for you Mecha Man my he!
[INTERFERENCE - ERROR #53D - COMM NO LONGER RECEIVING INPUT]
TRANSCRIPTION END
AUDIO #3H7622 - SDN COMMS
DATE: 08-08-2023
TIME END: 12:03
—
Robert quietly passed the transcript back to Mandy before letting his forehead fall against the table with a hollow thunk.
What. A. Mess.