Archive of Our Own

It was a beautiful day in downtown detroit, and Usagi, per usual, was being a fat fuck.

The bipedal xanthous rabbit searched the streets to find his one true love; various snacks and nibbles. He bounced from store to store, greeting every shopkeeper with a friendly “Una”, yet left each time feeling unfulfilled. This was a first for the creature, as it felt as if the hunger wasn’t coming from his stomach, but rather from his soul. He felt incomplete, and felt as if maybe this hunger wasn’t something to be filled by sustenance of the body, but possibly sustenance of the… heart? However, this train of thought was quickly interrupted by the growling of his stomach, and he abandoned his rare instance of cognitive thought and made a mad dash for the nearest Chick-Fil-A, which was somehow open on a Sunday for no other reason than plot convenience. However, in his rush to enter the doors of the fine establishment, he crashed into a 5 '10 mormon looking lad who was just trying to order some fries.

“That wasn’t very mystical magical of you, asshole!” exclaimed renowned pop singer Benson Boone, as his quest for potatoey goodness was so rudely interrupted by the collision. “That wasn’t a beautiful thing-”

Whatever his next words might have been will go unknown for the rest of eternity, as his thoughts all hitched in his throat as he laid eyes on the most gorgeous being in all of existence. “Haah?” replied Usagi, as he was too preoccupied with the notion of eating mor chickin to notice the kerfuffle he caused in the establishment. He looked up to meet Benson’s hazel eyes and was met with a similar magnetic attraction as the one his future lover had just felt. “U, Uwawa Uwa!” exclaimed Usagi, the never ending hunger beginning to ebb in his stomach as his soul encountered its other half. “Hey baby g-... b-... uh, rabbit,” Benson spoke, “how about I treat you to some crinkle cut fries and we… get to know one another?” he smirked with a smirk smirkly smirking on his face. “Una.” replied Usagi, as he realized that this was an opportunity for both spiritual and physical nourishment. They claimed a booth together right in front of happy couple Stella and Grace (lets go lesbians!!!!!), and shared a boat of fries while overlooking the beautiful Detroit skyline.

“So,” Benson began, “where are you from handsome?” Usagi paused for a moment, not to answer, but to grab more fries. After a few minutes of certified fat fuckery, he swallowed the bite of food in his mouth and answered “Hah.”, promptly returning to his deep fried heaven. Benson blinked in surprise for a moment, before realizing that he would have to do most of the talking to make this romance work. “Well, I’m from Salt Lake City, Utah, and I love being Mormon!” he exclaimed, his hazel eyes shining with love. “I am a singer, and have many smash hits such as Mystical Magical and Beautiful Things. Maybe someday one of those songs could be for… you…” he shyly confessed, glancing up to observe Usagi still decimating his meal. Benson was taken aback, but resolved to fight even harder for his love. “Well, I absolutely LOVE to backflip, and do it every chance I can get!” Yet, he was yet again met with radio silence from the gourmandizing lagomorph.

After polishing off his crinkle cut fries. Usagi came to another revelation. He discovered that the hunger in his soul was not one for romantic companionship, but rather for the beautiful sport of grifting. He had just gotten international pop star Benson Boone to buy him french fries. Usagi was just about to express his newfound emotional journey to his lover, but he looked up to see Benson dropping to one knee. “Usagi, I think I may love you. You taste better than moonbeam ice cream, make me want to take off my blue jeans, and make my soul go dance at the movies. Will you marry me-” He was suddenly cut off by a yellow paw put directly to his lips. “Una. Una una unaa Una Una una.” Usagi wisely and beautifully articulated. He then promptly removed his paw, retreated out the door of the Chick-FIl-A, and disappeared into the Detroit sunset, never to be seen again by this mediocre performative male final boss. Benson sank to his knees in despair.

“It’s no use Usagi; we’ve got to have it out.. I’ve loved you ever since I’ve known you Usagi – I couldn’t help it, and you’ve been so good to me – I’ve tried to show it but you wouldn’t let me; now I’m going to make you hear and give me an answer because I can’t go on like this any longer!” Benson pleaded to the empty air his lapin lover left behind. Before he could continue on with his whining, he was met with an ice cold Chick-Fil-A lemonade being poured over his head. Whipping around to look behind him, he was met with Grace holding a dripping empty cup, and Stella looking super pissed. “shut the actual FUCK up.” she spat out. She then turned around and left to go hang out elsewhere with her girlfriend. Truly, lesbians were a force to be reckoned with.

Benson sat there, citrus coated and stunned. He just lost the love of his life, and truly he would never feel so mystical or magical never again.