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The only thing that could be heard over the pouring rain was Charlie’s incessant complaining, which, while wholly expected, was no less annoying.
“I thought these were supposed to be waterproof, you know, like not letting any water in. I don’t know what waterproof means around here but where I’m from it generally means that you’re not going to get wet. Maybe I’ve just been drastically mistaken.”
Eggsy spun around to face him, continuing to walk backwards, his boots squelching in the deepening mud.
“You gonna complain all the way, mate?” he asked, grinning. The hair that was visible under his hood was plastered to his forehead. He was also soaking wet and freezing cold, but like hell he was going to admit it. “You’d think you’d never been wet before.”
“Of course I’ve been wet before,” Charlie shot back. “It just happened to be in a shower, or a pool, or any other place where you’d expect to get wet.”
“And the British countryside ain’t one of those places?” Eggsy asked, raising an eyebrow before turning back around, trudging steadily forward. “Mate, that’s well naïve.”
“I can’t say I made a habit of hiking in Britain,” Charlie said dismissively. “For obvious reasons.”
“I can’t say I see you hiking at all,” Eggsy said. “Seems a bit much like hard work for His Lordship. Hey, did you have one of them chair things, like with the four poles that the servants carried?”
Eggsy laughed to himself; Charlie glared at his back.
“My apologies,” Charlie said dryly. “I totally forgot you were probably well accustomed to being cold and unwashed.”
Eggsy stopped suddenly and for a glorious moment Charlie thought he’d finally goaded him into a fight. He was disappointed when Eggsy just looked around and then turned back to Charlie.
“We’ve been here before,” he said, and Charlie looked around too.
“No we haven’t.”
“Yeah we have. Look, there’s that fat rock that looks like your mum –”
“It looks nothing like my mother –”
“And there’s where it forks off back to where we came from. It’s a circle, innit? Fuck’s sake.”
“Have you ever seen my mother?” Charlie demanded.
“Not with the lights on,” Eggsy said, grinning again. “But seriously mate, am I the only one concerned about this?”
“No,” Charlie said, fighting back a sigh. “I suppose it is rather alarming. I don’t think I can stand a whole night with you.”
“You’re the first person I’ve heard that from.”
Charlie pulled the OS map out from his pocket with a little more force than necessary. “I doubt I’ll be the last.”
*
“Why d’you think they keep putting us together?”
They were sitting in a patch of slightly less saturated grass under a large tree, which on the one hand kept the worst of the rain from falling on them but on the other hand occasionally dropped a deluge on them from the leaves above.
“Probably because you’re not always going to work with people you like,” Charlie guessed, shifting slightly in an attempt to settle his back against a more comfortable section of tree. “You still have to get the job done.”
“And there was me thinking Merlin had spotted something special between us,” Eggsy sighed, and for a moment he sounded so genuine that Charlie did a double-take. It was only when he saw Eggsy’s amused expression that he realised. He scowled, staring pointedly at his mud-splattered trousers.
“I can’t imagine how,” he said. “You’re insufferable.”
Eggsy just laughed, and not for the first time, Charlie found himself wondering why nothing he said seemed to stick. Did Eggsy just think he was joking? He wondered if there was a word stronger than “insufferable”.
“Alright, so,” Eggsy eventually said, shaking his head as another torrent of raindrops fell down on them. “It’s too dark to do much now, so we’ll have to wait until morning and then try again.”
“We’re going to freeze to death,” Charlie muttered. “This is how we die.”
“It ain’t that cold.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Give us a cuddle, then.”
“I am not giving you a cuddle.”
“Not even to stop yourself freezing to death?”
“At least I’d take you with me.”
“Harsh, mate.”
They sat in silence for a long time, only the rain breaking it. Charlie thought the silence should have been awkward, but oddly it wasn’t. Eggsy just found himself surprised that Charlie was even capable of being quiet.
It was Eggsy who finally broke the silence, nodding at Charlie’s bag.
“Don’t think we’ve got tents in there, do ya?”
*
The tent at least kept the rain off of them, but it wasn’t without its disadvantages.
“Would you move over?” Charlie hissed, not for the first time.
“Where?” Eggsy asked, also not for the first time. “D’you want me to just magic up some extra room or something?”
“No, but there’s no need for you to be literally sitting on top of me.”
“This ain’t literally on top of you, sunshine,” Eggsy said, and Charlie glared at nothing in particular as he drew his knees up closer to his chin.
“We wouldn’t be having this problem if you hadn’t managed to rip your bloody tent,” he muttered.
Eggsy rolled his eyes. “I didn’t do it intentionally. You think I wanna spend all night cooped up in here with you?”
“You didn’t do it intentionally?” Charlie repeated, scoffing. “Then how did you manage to fuck it up so tremendously –”
“Act of God,” Eggsy said dismissively. “If you got a problem, take it up with the wind that dragged the thing out of my hand. Now, are you gonna shut up, or are we gonna do this all night?”
Charlie fought the urge to audibly groan. “You can’t honestly believe we’re going to be able to sleep in here.”
“I dunno about you, but I’m gonna try.”
“There’s barely any room to sit, let alone lay down. Plus it’s still absolutely freezing.”
“Of course it’s still freezing. You’re sitting there in soaking wet clothes, you idiot.”
Charlie had been trying to ignore the fact that Eggy was sitting barely six inches from him, shirtless, but apparently the man wasn’t going to let him forget it.
“You can’t honestly be warmer wearing less,” he said, averting his eyes before realising too late that it had probably been obvious.
“It’s proven to help you warm up,” Eggsy said, and Charlie felt him shrug. “If you got cold clothes clinging to your skin, how you meant to warm up?” He tapped the side of his head with his index finger. “Common sense, bruv.”
“I suppose you’re half of that.”
“Sensible, right?”
“Common.”
Eggsy snorted, but didn’t respond. The silence wasn’t exactly awkward – at least, not for him – but there was no denying that there was something else to it. He stole a glance at Charlie, seeing that he was still trying to avoid looking at him. Not an easy task when the tent was barely big enough for one person and they were sat directly opposite one another.
“Gonna strip off, then?” Eggsy eventually asked, mostly so he could enjoy the look of outrage that briefly flashed across Charlie’s face before he realised Eggsy was watching.
“I’ve told you I think that’s ridiculous.”
“And I told you that it makes sense,” Eggsy shrugged. “Suit yourself. But if you wake me up with your shivering I’m gonna make you sleep outside.”
“It’s my tent—”
“’Night!”
*
Charlie couldn’t sleep.
It was probably more to do with the cold and the cramped conditions than anything else, but there was still something to be said for the fact that it was highly unusual to be crammed into such a small space with a shirtless Eggsy pressed against his back. It wasn’t as though it made him uncomfortable, because of course it didn’t -- Charlie wasn’t the kind of guy who would get flustered over the mere presence of a shirtless man in his immediate vicinity because that would be ridiculous and besides, it wasn’t like he had never seen Eggsy shirtless before, but—
Well. It was weird.
None of this explained why he was still awake several hours later, glaring at the side of the tent and listening to the wind batter it. He had hoped if he lay still for long enough, he would eventually fall asleep, but apparently that wasn’t the case.
He wished it wasn’t so wet out there. He wished he wasn’t so cold. He wished that something was different so he could go outside for a while and have some space and just get away from this whole mess, but that was obviously too much to ask for. He didn’t even know what the time was, so there was no way to know how much longer he had to spend in this hell.
Charlie gave a slightly excessive sigh and shifted slightly in his sleeping bag. His clothing was only damp now, but hadn’t lost its chill. If it wasn’t a matter of pride, he would probably whip his shirt off. It was impossible to get comfortable when it was this damp.
“I can feel you shivering,” Eggsy mumbled, his face pressed against something – his arm, maybe, or the sleeping bag, and for god’s sake, why was Charlie trying to picture the way he was sleeping?
“No you can’t,” he hissed back. “I’m not shivering.”
“I can feel you, mate.”
“Just go back to sleep, Eggsy.”
“I would, if it didn’t feel like I was trying to sleep next to the world’s biggest vibrator,” Eggsy said, snorting.
“Does everything have to be about sex with you?” Charlie suddenly demanded. He hadn’t meant to say the words so harshly, but Eggsy had a certain way of getting under his skin. “That’s all you fall back on,” he added quickly, realising how touchy he sounded. “Every single thing I say, you have to bring it back around to vibrators or my mum—”
“Charming lady.”
“Shut up. Why do you do it? Why are you so incessant? It’s vulgar.”
“Vulgar?” Eggsy repeated, snorting again. “How old are you? I would have thought sex jokes were the norm up in those posh ho-hum la-de-dah polo-on-the-lawn-hurrah-lads schools you never fail to remind everyone you went to.”
“We didn’t roam around like a pack of feral homosexuals, if that’s what you mean.”
There was a pause, and then Eggsy couldn’t hold it in any more – he collapsed into laughter. Charlie let out a huff of frustration and threw himself over onto his back, glaring up at the ceiling of the tent only a few feet above him.
“What’s it like to have such fragile heterosexuality, Charlie?” Eggsy eventually asked, and Charlie ignored him.
*
They walked for the first several hours in silence, and Charlie hoped it was a trend that was going to stick. Eggsy, for his part, was still prone to the occasional snigger; Charlie hoped that if he ignored him hard enough, he would eventually get bored. Unfortunately, it seemed that Eggsy had a very large attention span when it came to things that Charlie would rather forget.
“You know there ain’t nothing wrong with being gay though, right?” he asked, when they had stopped for a moment to check the map. If there was one upside to the break in walking, it was the fact that Charlie was pretty certain they were on the right track now.
“I don’t think I ever said there was,” he replied stiffly. “That way.”
They started walking again; this time it was only a few seconds before Eggsy spoke.
“Yeah, you don’t say it, but you’re literally petrified of anything that could be remotely seen as gay,” he said, falling into step beside him. Charlie fought the urge to shove him off the trail and run. “Like, all that averting your gaze when I ain’t got a shirt on, touchy about sex jokes when alone with another man… I’m just saying it looks a certain way.”
“You’re seriously insinuating I’m gay?” Charlie asked, trying to laugh, but it didn’t quite come out right. He wanted to feel angry, and was horrified to learn that he felt something else entirely.
“I’m not insinuating nothing,” Eggsy said casually, shrugging one shoulder. “I’m just saying that if you’re trying to avoid looking like a… what was it? Feral homosexual?”
Charlie grunted.
“Yeah, I think that was the word you used. Anyway, if you don’t want to come across that way, then maybe—”
“What about you, then?” Charlie suddenly demanded. He stopped, turning to glare at Eggsy. “Wandering around here like you know it all. What about you? What makes you so qualified to talk about this? Because you’re the only one bringing it up, and anyone would think that says more about you than it does about me.”
“And what if it does?” Eggsy said, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t bother me, mate.”
“I’m sure.”
“I’m being serious. There are like, a million worse things to be than gay. A bigot, for example. That’s pretty shitty. A racist, a snitch, a woman beater, a paedo—”
“Where are you going with this?”
“I’m just saying that if all anyone’s saying to you is that you’re gay, then you ain’t doing too badly. Much worse things to be.”
“That’s bollocks,” Charlie practically spat. “You can’t just parade around the place announcing you’re gay. You don’t know who’s listening. You don’t know who’ll take offence. You don’t know how that’s going to screw you over, or what opportunities you’re going to miss out on, or what kind of people are going to cut you off and never speak to you again. It’s not as simple as—as—as whatever you seem to think the problem is.”
He knew he had said too much as soon as he had finished speaking. There was a beat of silence, both of them still staring at one another, and then Eggsy’s eyes flashed with something like understanding and Charlie quickly turned and marched down the trail.
“Charlie! Hey, Charlie, wait up—”
Charlie kept walking, keeping his eyes firmly ahead. Eggsy caught up with him within a few seconds, walking a half-pace in front of him so Charlie had no choice but to acknowledge he was there.
“I was just messing with ya,” Eggsy said, but Charlie couldn’t believe him. Not when he remembered the look he’d seen on his face. “Didn’t mean to touch any sore spots or nothing.”
Charlie still didn’t say anything. He had a million things he wanted to say, going around and around in his head, but none of them seemed to stick long enough for him to say them. He wanted to pretend he was just angry, but he didn’t have the mental energy to lie to himself.
“Charlie,” Eggsy said, almost desperately, and Charlie finally stopped.
“What?” he forced out.
“I’m sorry,” Eggsy said, and for the first time he looked a little awkward. “Really. I won’t say nothing to no one. Swear on my life.”
“You don’t know anything,” Charlie said, but the words didn’t have the bite he had initially intended.
“Alright,” Eggsy said, pausing for a moment before the corner of his mouth pulled up in a quick smile. “I don’t know anything. I get ya.”
“No, I’m serious.” Charlie forced the words out through gritted teeth. “You don’t know anything.”
“Alright? You’re starting to lose me here, Charlie—”
Charlie didn’t know why he kissed him. He wanted to say he at least had some idea, some clue as to why he chose that moment, or why he did it in the first place, but strangely all the possible theories left his mind the second their lips touched. He thought he would feel immediate regret, or embarrassment, or anger, or something. He didn’t feel any of that. Strangely, he felt calm.
The moment vanished had quickly as it had appeared, leaving them both staring at one another again, slightly breathless. For once in his life, Eggsy looked out of his depth.
“Oh,” he eventually said.
“Yeah,” Charlie replied, and continued walking.