Chapter Text
Beep boop…retrieving totally randomly selected user…logging in….
Congratulations! You have won our random selection lottery and will be one of the first individuals to experience our newly updated Love and Deepspace Network.
Wow…I need to stop doomscrolling so much before bed…it’s even starting to invade my dreams… Though the last thing I was binge reading was Return of the Mt Hua Sect, so shouldn’t I be dreaming about cultivation…?
Your registration details have been cross-relayed from your IOS account - loading - please wait…
Huh. This is a lot louder and more specific for a dream. And my bed feels weird too. Why is it so cold? And who left the big light on? What the hell-
Welcome to the Y/N System, first of its kind-
YN system…
A…A Y/N SYSTEM?!
Every tiktok, every social media meme, every fic and manwha and webtoon I have ever read in my short years of existence flash through my brain like a warning signal.
My eyes fly open, fight or flight instincts kicking in. I’m not in my bedroom. I scramble to get upright from where I’ve been laying against a darkly tiled floor. The space around me is as nondescript as can be seeing as it’s nothing but dark, empty space, underlined by a soft electronic blue glow. In front of me is a floating black cylinder with two levitating flaps.
The surface of the cylinder shudders with a wave of pixels before two “eyes” form to smile at me. It twirls gently before speaking in a high pitched, auto-tuned voice.
“User A*, welcome to the-hurgh!”
Panic beguiles me. I’ve immediately snatched the floating cylinder between my hands. Above it, a floating screen begins to displays an upload bar.
“WHERE AM I,” I demand, shaking the thing like a dog toy. This isn’t my beautiful, comfortable bed with its freshly washed sheets and giant pile of unfolded laundry. This is some weird, floating inter-dimensional bullshit liminal space thing, and I know it doesn’t bode well for me. I’ve read SVSSS! I know what happens to innocent, young (?) women (??) like me!
“U-user, please calm down! This is the Love and Deepspace Y/N System trial!” the little robot squeaks at me, one hand flapping around. “We just need to upload your user data to our new system and everything will be ready to go!”
Upload? Upload what? To where?! Why?!
“Then you’ll soon be able to experience Linkon City in person, along with everything else Love and Deepspace has to offer,” it rattles off from some pre-prepared script. “As your Y/N System Companion, we’re just ensuring the upload is completed without any issues!”
To some random sci-fi world I barely know my way around?! To chase around men I barely know anything about either?! To fight fucked up looking monsters made out of space rock and galactic energy?! FUCK NO!
I shake the cylinder harder, ignoring the rattling sound coming from it. The upload bar has progressed to 75% and I am NOT taking my chances on whatever the fuck is going to happen when it hits 100!
“No! NO!! DON’T DO THIS TO ME! Send me back! I don’t want to trial your stupid system!”
“But, but I thought this is what girls liked-“ the black cylinder thing stuttered. “That’s what my user manual says-“
My hand squeezes hard, temple throbbing already from fury. Cracks begin to form along the side of it as it screeches in electronic pitches. I haven’t felt this light headed since I had hypertension stage 2 a few years back.
“WHAT KIND OF FREAKED OUT MISOGYNIST THINKING IS THAT??? IT’S 2026, YOU STUPID BITCH!” I scream, my eyes scrunched up in tears. Although I can feel my fist banging the thing against the floor, I can’t stop. There’s a fresh tub of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer I just splurged on! I’ve got wet laundry to hang out! The season finale of Heated Rivalry is dropping tomorrow!
At that point, the floor underneath me begins to light up, the electronic blue swirling into an expanding circle large enough to devour my whole body.
“Oh, my god! Oh, my god!”
What would happen if I fell in?! Death. Certain death. And if not death, then it’ll at least feel akin to death.
And suddenly, I begin to slide downwards.
“No!”
I cling on, barely holding on to the edges of the black hole that’s desperately trying to pull me in. The status bar above has started flashing red, a great big error sign flashing over and over again, but I don’t notice.
“Let me go!” The robot is falling apart in my hands. I can feel myself slipping further and further in. The edges of the tunnel are flashing, squeezing in, going dark.
“Ah, seriously! You’re going to CRUSH ME-“ There’s the sound of a siren going off, the whole space awash in emergency blue and red. “THE UPLOAD-“
“I’m 32, NOT 12!” I yell back at the stupid thing in outrage.
Electricity is sparking around me in dangerous arcs and I can feel the static prickling against my skin, my nails bending painfully as I scrabble to hold on. Anyone with common sense would have just given up. Unfortunately, I was simply a woman right now who had a brain but no thoughts. My hands slip, taking crumbling pieces and broken metal with me. The error bar rises above like a ominous, false sun.
“LET ME OUT! I’VE GOT A MORTGAGE!” is the last thing I remember screaming before everything goes black.
—
There’s a loud ringing in my head, auditory static masking a cacophony of sound - the whirl of machinery, the commanding drone of a man’s voice…My vision slowly sharpens back into focus and I find myself in the midst of a crowd, a well dressed man leaning against a podium up front.
Despite my best efforts to pretend and remain in that beautiful, beautiful river in Egypt, I know exactly where I am.
This is the opening scene of the game.
I’m in the system.
FUCK!!!