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“Oh.”
Malleus couldn't quite believe he'd done that.
He'd gotten a tad frustrated, he admitted, but he hadn't meant to shatter Silver’s highchair.
The one year blinked up at him in surprise.
He almost felt the need to hide the two pieces of the tray behind his back.
“Malleus.” Lilia called from the living room. “What was that?”
“Nothing.” He replied. He waved his hands, and with a flick, expected the two pieces to mend themselves as he forced magic into their very atoms.
They did not.
Silver had grown bored, and toddled back in to his father.
The fae prince did not know what to do.
He'd never met a problem that couldn't be solved by magic.
Lilia made his way in with little Sebek perched on his hip. His parents were away visiting family in the Queendom of Roses, and while Baul felt capable of taking care of the older two Zigvolt children, he admitted to not being great with babies.
So, to repay them for all of their childrearing wisdom, Lilia had volunteered.
Naturally, Malleus decided to stay as well.
“Did you…”
“It was an accident.” He explained.
“How?”
“I was trying to get the tray to connect, and it would not. It appears I was too forceful.” He held out the wood. Sebek cooed, reaching for the pieces, but Lilia moved him away.
He had cracked the side pieces down the middle on both sides, as well as broken the tray. He had no idea why it wasn't fixing itself.
“I carved that myself.” The older fae winced.
“Apologies.”
“It will take me some time to mend… time I unfortunately don't have with Sebek in our care.”
The boy turned to look at him at the mention of his name. From Malleus's understanding, he was about ten months younger than Silver, but the two were both one at the minute. Silver’s second birthday was in three weeks, and Malleus had prepared a wonderful party that was sure to delight the boy.
Silver came back in.
“A b’oke?”
“It is broken, yes.” Malleus confirmed. The boy yanked on the bottom of his father's shirt. Sebek swung his leg and narrowly avoided kicking Silver’s forehead.
“Go?”
“I'll fix it.” Lilia promised. “But for now… Well, I can just get a cheap one. And I have been meaning to pick up some new storage for Silver’s room…”
Malleus's guardian continued to muse to himself. He set the splintered wood down on Lilia's counter, and decided to focus instead on what he'd come in for in the first place. He lifted Silver’s plastic plate, decorated with cartoon birds, and looked for somewhere he could give the boy his afternoon snack instead. He was far too fidgety for Malleus to hold, and he doubted the boy would be steady enough to sit at the table…
The child had recently been fond of pancakes from the village in the bakery, and while Malleus found them too close to whole cakes to enjoy them, Silver couldn't get enough of them. He'd bought some for Sebek as well, only for the two fae to discover he was still struggling with chewing, and the baked goods had been too thick and cloying. Silver had happily taken the extras while Sebek had some diced fruit. Malleus was doing his damnedest to make sure his guardian didn't cook a single thing while he was here to stop it.
“Pa'cake, p’ease?” Silver held his hands out. Malleus directed him to sit on the floor before setting the plate down in his lap.
“Alright.” Lilia declared to no one in particular. “After he finishes that, we'll head out. There's this wonderful little human store right off the border, in Western Camelot. They should have everything we need.”
“A human store?” Malleus blanched. He'd never even been in a fae store before, let alone a human one.
“It'll be fine!” Lilia beamed. “We'll make a boy's day out of it. You'll see.”
The teenage fae really hoped he wouldn't.
“Cursed contraption!” He swore, trying to buckle the straps of Sebek's broom seat. The one year old wasn't even looking at him anymore, content to gaze at the sky while Malleus cursed the bloodline of whoever came up with such a stupid thing. Lilia had already finished Silver’s, having buckled the child in and managed to put on his safety helmet in the time it took for Malleus to even get Sebek into the blasted thing.
“Aawah.” The infant cooed, flailing even as the teenager attempted to pull his arm through one gap in the five point harness.
“Do you want me to do it?” Lilia asked.
“It's fine.” He hissed. It was not fine.
He preferred teleportation magic over any other form of travelling, but it was quite literally illegal to teleport with an under sixteen. So, they had to do things the old fashioned way.
He'd learned to ride a broom as part of his curriculum last decade, but this was an absolute nightmare.
“Here.” Lilia stepped in regardless, and within about forty-five seconds, had the child entirely ready to go. Malleus was sick with envy. He had managed Sebek's helmet and everything.
“How do you do that?” He demanded.
“You just get used to it.” The man smiled, shrugging as he mounted his broom. Silver had already gathered an entire colony of rabbits and six different coloured birds in the time since his father had approached. They were pressing daisy chains into his hands, and dropping strawberries into his lap.
Malleus didn't quite know what to think about that, so he didn't say anything at all.
“AH-!” Silver shrieked, before a large sneeze filled Lilia's front yard, accompanied by several sparks and small gusts of wind. “CHOO!”
“Bless you, dear!”
Malleus swooped in before Lilia could use his sleeve to wipe the boy's nose, offering a tissue instead. Silver was going through his first magical expulsion, a common illness for young children as their magical circuitry began to develop. Malleus actually found himself quite relieved. While all fae had magic, he'd been told that not all humans were blessed with nature's gift. This proved Silver was a mage, and although he already had many strange quirks, it was nice to have confirmation his little human wasn't going to face any more difficulties in Briar Valley than he already would.
Sebek shrieked from his own seat, and Malleus hurried over before the boy could do something like tip the broom. “Yes, yes. You have my attention. I'm coming.”
“Okay, are we ready?” Lilia asked, though he was looking at the two boys. Malleus didn't understand why. It wasn't like they would respond very well.
“Mhm!”
“Aba.”
“Then let's go!”
And with that, his guardian kicked off on his broom and into the air. Malleus sighed.
It took him a few more moments before he could properly propel himself, unsteady with the extra weight of the broom seat and the infant sitting in it, but he did manage to make it into the air eventually. He spotted Lilia’s thick black hair, streaked with red cutting through the clouds in front of him, and accelerated to try and keep up. Sebek was steady behind him, though didn’t seem to be paying Malleus much attention.
While everyone typically flew on their own or simply teleported, broom travel was the most common transport for infants. As he looked behind him, however, he was surprised to find a look of discomfort on the little one’s face. It was then that he remembered Sebek’s magicless father, and figured perhaps he wasn’t as used to this as Silver was.
“Lilia!” He called, decelerating slightly. “Sebek is uncomfortable! I’m going to slow down!”
“What?!” The old fae hollered.
“I’m slowing down!” He shouted back over the winds.
They hadn’t even made it past Mount Dread, and this trip was already feeling like more trouble than it was worth.
After about another twenty five minutes of flying slowly, they finally made it to their destination. Lilia had beat him there and was locking up his broom by the time Malleus landed.
IKEA, a human department store, or so Malleus assumed, was a giant blue behemoth of a building, covered with yellow stripes. Humans were milling around, coming to and fro, each pushing a standard trolley, and some had additional… longer? Flatter trolleys? It was all quite strange and overwhelming, if Malleus was being honest. He looked back to gauge Sebek's opinion, and he didn't look too impressed either.
“B’ue!” Silver cheered, pointing to the building as Lilia took Malleus's broom.
“Yes, it is.” Malleus nodded appraisingly. Silver beamed up at him, before reaching up to pull at Sebek's foot, much to the younger boy's displeasure.
“Se’by, look, Se’by look!” Silver insisted.
“Silver, don’t pull him.” Malleus chided gently, hefting Sebek further up on his hip and out of the nearly two year old’s reach.
Silver pouted, before throwing Malleus a dirty look and toddling back over to his father. Brat.
“Oh, hold on…” Lilia grumbled, before reaching into the baby bag. He pulled out what looked to be a harness of some sort. “Here we go.”
“What is that?” Malleus squinted.
“A papoose!” Lilia grinned, clicking it into place before holding his arms out for Sebek.
Malleus hesitated. “But Silver’s papoose was cloth. What exactly am I looking at?”
“Here, I’ll show you. Desmond bought it from a human store.” Lilia took the child, before depositing him in the space meant to hold him. Sebek didn’t look too fussed, settling quickly and glancing around the broom parking area once more. His arms and legs were sticking out of little gaps in the fabric. Human inventions were so strange.
Even Silver looked baffled.
“Alright. All good?” Lilia asked, looking down.
Sebek cooed.
“I think he's ‘all good’.” The teenager said dryly, hurrying to take Silver’s hand as the toddler eyed the stairs for just a second too long for Malleus’s liking.
“Let’s get going then!”
After departing from the broom parking area, which was on top of something called a ‘car-park’, they made their way towards the large glass front of the building. They almost made it in successfully, until Silver’s eyes wandered and he spotted what looked to be a small playground just off of the entrance.
The toddler gasped.
“Swing!” Silver yanked on Malleus's hand. “Mal, Swing.”
“No.” He said firmly.
Silver’s brows furrowed, chin wobbling threateningly. Unlike the boy’s father, Malleus refused to bend to the tyrannical whims of his foul temper. He stared back.
Silver opened his mouth, presumably to start crying-
“Maybe on the way out.” His guardian cut in.
“Lilia.” Malleus sighed.
“Don't be such a spoilsport, Malleus.” The older fae winked, before pushing them all towards a cylindrical glass contraption, in which the walls moved. It was rather disconcerting, but Lilia didn’t look too worried, so he refused to falter.
When they came out the other side, they came upon what looked to be a lobby.
“That’s called a revolving door.” Lilia informed him helpfully, holding Sebek’s feet as he made towards a flight of stairs. Silver toddled along, still holding Malleus’s hand as he contented himself with looking around the wide expanse of concrete and glass before them. It was so devoid of nature or embellishment, he probably had never seen anything like it before. Well, to be fair, Malleus hadn’t either, but Malleus had 160 years on him, so it seemed like more of a personal failing on his part to be honest.
When they got to the top of the stairs, Malleus felt as though he’d entered an entirely different dimension.
“What is this?” He demanded.
There were mechanical lights everywhere, large pipes and aluminium coils escaping the ceilings, hanging overhead of what looked to be dozens upon dozens of fake rooms. He had to stop himself from stepping backwards in fear of standing on Silver.
“IKEA.” Lilia shrugged, ambling over and grabbing a yellow basket. “All right, the kids’ section is at the end, right before the restaurant, so we’ll try not to dawdle at any one department for too long, okay?”
“Understood.”
“Go!” Silver cheered, yanking on Malleus’s hand as he took off towards what looked to be a living room. There was a small wooden kitchen set up in the corner, and Silver began to open all of the cupboards, lifting all of the miniature pots and pans.
“They cater to pixies?” Malleus asked.
“Uh, no. That’s a display toy.” Lilia stifled a chuckle. “Come along, dear!”
“‘Kay!”
And with that, the two made their journey through the false roomed labyrinth, with Silver running underfoot and pointing at just about anything he could find, and Sebek silently observing the store around him with a sage sort of quiet Malleus found a bit offputting, if he was being honest.
He was well aware of the fact Lilia liked to make his own furniture, taking up wood working between missions as a way to pass the time, but Malleus found there were many things here that one would have difficulty producing themselves. Such as the myriad of sofas decorating the shelves.
He didn’t know you could put sofas on shelves. He had never considered such an option before.
“P’etty!” Silver grinned, pointing to a garish orange sofa.
“Oh, um.” Lilia nodded along. “Well, it is very lovely, but I think our sofa is better.”
Malleus had to agree. It was a leather sofa Lilia had brought back from some human town several hours away. It was the most comfortable thing he’d ever sat on. Well, aside from the reclining rocking chair in the corner of Silver’s room. He often took the excuse of putting Silver to sleep just to relax on it, with the toddler having been in the realm of dreams for an hour before Malleus would even consider getting up to put him in his own bed.
“Oh, look, Malleus. They have coffee tables.”
Malleus directed Silver over with them, regretting it when Lilia walked away and the toddler’s nose screwed up dramatically.
“Ah-!” He began, and Malleus hurried over, yanking him backwards before the boy could finish. “CHOO!”
Several small magical fireworks exploded from the boy's nose. Malleus contained them all in a bubble before they could hit the wooden furniture all around them, and Silver watched in wonder with bright blue, sparkling snot dripping from his nose as they dissipated. It gave Malleus just enough time to grab another wipe from the baby bag.
Someone stepped back, and Malleus glanced upward.
There was a human woman staring.
Malleus stared right back, daring her to comment as he wiped his charge's nose.
She did not, and instead took several steps backwards before leaving the aisle all together.
How rude.
“Everything okay?”
“Do you have a nappy bag?” Malleus sighed, holding the wipe with as little contact as possible.
“Oh, yep. Hold on, the papoose has pockets so I put it in, ah, here we go.”
Malleus cringed as Lilia held the bag out to him. He cast a small levitation spell over the disgusting wipe, and opened the bag, dumping it in and trying to ignore the way it shined like a disco ball, all of the glittering magic refracting off of the industrial lights.
Silver toddled off again to look at some brightly coloured cups, thankfully not lifting any of them as he glanced at his guardian, who was beginning to slouch.
Sebek was very obviously about to fall asleep, and was slumping forwards. Normally, that wouldn’t have seemed like much of a problem, except for the fact Sebek was a bit chunkier than the average baby, and Lilia’s back wasn’t good at the best of times.
“Is he heavy? Do you want me to take him?” He held the nappy bag out as a trade.
“He's far lighter than your egg, I can tell you that.” The fae grunted, but was already lifting Sebek from his pouch. “Do you want to hold him?”
“I wouldn't mind.” Malleus said.
They continued their journey onwards, leaving the chair section, and instead approaching tables.
Unfortunately, the swap seemed to have knocked all of the sleep from Sebek, and the boy was now contenting himself with playing with Malleus’s hair. Not that the older boy minded. He had asked Lilia to tie it up out of his face before they left, so there wasn’t much for him to pull. He ran his hand up and down the boy’s back absently as Lilia perused the mixture of plastic and wooden tables.
At least, until-
“Silver, come back.” Lilia called.
Malleus didn't know why, seeing as Silver had never relented to that command in his life, and the two of them always ended up sprinting after him when he thought it would be funny to run away.
Silver paused for a moment, standing between all the tables.
Lilia gestured in a come here motion.
And the boy took off.
“Oh, for the love of-!” Lilia groaned, before teleporting to cut him off. The almost two year old's cackles were filling the labyrinth. Malleus decided to leave this one to him, observing as Sebek let out a large yawn, revealing his scarce few teeth. It was quite cute.
He watched his guardian reappear in a sea of desks, frowning as several humans startled. Silver attempted to pivot, but Lilia caught him around the waist, holding him upside down as those mischievous laughs turned to joyous giggles. Lilia was grinning too, no matter how hard he tried to be stern. He blew raspberries on Silver's arms as he walked back to Malleus.
“You’re a little ruffian, do you know that?” Malleus told him. Silver grinned toothily.
After spotting Lilia again, Sebek seemed to suddenly realise the older fae was not in fact still carrying him, and immediately put his arms out for Lilia to take him.
Much to Silver’s displeasure.
“You’re a big boy now, right, Silver? Can you walk for Papa?” Lilia smiled apologetically, setting him down. Silver scowled and walked over to Malleus, holding onto his trouser leg as Malleus passed Sebek back. Children were truly exhausting.
His clinging lasted all the way until the quartet made it to the kitchen aisle, and he spotted another kitchen playset at the other end of the room. Lilia followed after him, chiding, and Malleus was about to do the same until-
He turned, spotting one of the fake room sets, but…
It looked to be a kitchen unit, but there were no handles?
He walked further in, staring in disbelief at the sheer impracticality of the design.
He knelt down, inspecting what he assumed were supposed to be the drawers. He found solid wood instead, with a small dip at the top. What a waste of space. Where were they meant to put anything?
He had only ever been in Lilia’s kitchen to compare it, but he assumed everyone used the space beneath their counters to store goods such as grain and bread, and other foods that didn’t need to be chilled.
“Do you need a hand, sir?”
He looked up. There was a human wearing a blue and yellow shirt. It read ‘Hej’.
“Mortal clerk. Do you know if these are solid wood?” He demanded.
The man’s brows furrowed in confusion before his eyes drifted upwards, and he caught sight of Malleus’s ears. “Oh. Uh, sorry, let me show you!”
Malleus moved aside, and the man slid his hand into the gap between the counter and the wood, pulling it to reveal the under-counter space Malleus had been anticipating. While he didn’t like the idea of such bland facade, it was an interesting trick.
“How interesting.” He mused.
“Yeah, I guess so.” The man chuckled. “This is our Stensta fitted kitchen.”
“Ah, I’m afraid I have no intention of purchasing a kitchen. I was merely intrigued.” He stood, nodding in gratitude. “I thank you for your demonstration regardless, clerk. You have done me a great service this day.”
“No problem, man.” The blue apparelled man made his departure, hovering close to a set of humans browsing the much more tasteful kitchens in Malleus’s opinion.
The dragon prince looked around over the sea of mortals, searching for a head of black hair.
He spotted none.
He stepped out of the small alcove, looking around as people came and went, giving him strange looks as he towered over the mortal populace.
“Lilia?” He called, sweat beginning to bead at the back of his neck. “Lilia?”
There was no sign of the bat fae, nor either of the boys.
“Lilia?”
He was gone.
Malleus was alone.
Oh my Thorn Fairy, Oh my Thorn Fairy, Oh my Thorn Fairy-
“Will Lilia Vanrouge, I repeat, Lilia Vanrouge, please pick your son up at the Kitchen Design Studio, thank you.”
Lilia blinked.
He'd been standing in the nursery section trying to pick between the many different Trofast, when the cuddly toys had caught the attention of the two infants with him. Silver had sobbed until Lilia relented and allowed him to choose from the mountains of stuffed pandas, and he figured he may as well get Sebek something as well. The boy had been drawn to a bright yellow lightning bolt with a grumpy expression, and Lilia didn't need a degree to figure out who that reminded him of.
One, two… He counted, peering down at the child strapped to his front and the one holding his hand.
He wasn't missing any of the kids, was he?
“Weird, right, Malleus?”
There was no reply.
“Malleus?”
He turned around.
“MALLEUS!” He shrieked.
“It's okay.” Lilia insisted.
“I got lost. In a mortal department store.” The prince sulked.
Sebek held his mouth open, and Lilia guided another piece of cut up meatball to him in a spoon. The two infants were sitting in high chairs on either side of the fae. Silver was eating on his own, a brightly coloured plastic fork held awkwardly in his tiny hand.
“Mal okay?” The boy asked, peering at him with round eyes.
“Mal will be fine.” Lilia assured.
He slumped on the table, narrowly avoiding the plate of fries and meatballs Lilia had purchased him alongside the boys.
He’d had just about enough of this 'Boy's Day’.
After a quick lunch, his guardian seemed to realise all three of them were flagging, and insisted on trying to wrap up the trip as speedily as possible. Sebek was beginning to fuss, Silver looked to be heading towards a sleep spell at any moment, and Malleus was so demoralised about getting lost the older fae feared he might just teleport out to the car park and wait out there.
They went down a flight of stairs, though strangely, not the same flight of stairs they had come up to get to the fake rooms in the first place.
This place also had a great asset that hadn’t been available upstairs.
Trolleys.
“Alright, up we get.” Lilia sighed, hefting Silver upwards until he was in the small seat provided. The boy whined, trying to pull himself out, but Lilia had fastened him in with a seat belt, and he was unable to get his knee under it. Served him right. Sebek was placed beside him once they had secured their little deviant, though he was more content to observe the warehouse around them. Lilia had provided him with a dummy and he seemed to be holding out for the time being.
“We’re just going to skip this and head straight to the warehouse, okay?” Lilia told him. Malleus nodded morosely, at least until Roaring Drago began to chirp from his back pocket, and he himself was distracted from the overstimulating maze around him.
“Alright.” Lilia sighed, looking down at the small sheet of paper he produced from his pocket.
Malleus looked up.
The white lights and industrial beams gave way to sheer grey.
He couldn’t believe this was the same building as he stared at before.
“Push the trolley. I’m going to go get a flatbed.” Malleus nodded mutely, ignoring how Silver pulled at his shirt to try and leverage himself out of his seat. Lilia marched off, and then began to power walk towards the end aisle. It wasn’t anything close to his usual speed when he was in a hurry, it would have frightened the surrounding humans after all, but it was close. Malleus was struggling a little bit to keep up with him. They arrived at the top of an aisle filled with dozens upon dozens of cardboard boxes. Malleus didn’t have it in him to question it anymore.
His guardian paused.
Malleus turned to see what he was looking at.
“Look at them trying to get that out.” Lilia mused, pointing discreetly. There was a human couple trying to pull a long box out of the alcove before them, both sweating profusely.
Lilia teleported over.
“Do you need a hand with that?” He asked the couple.
“Oh, uh, we're okay.” The man replied.
“Really, it's no bother.” Lilia swept in, lifting the large box with one hand and placing it in their flatbed. “Besides, I need to get that box there…”
The two were staring at him in complete shock, but shuffled aside to let him past.
Lilia continued talking, stacking the boxes for Silver's new wardrobe in one arm. “Do you have a little one as well? My kids are just over there.”
He gestured. Malleus waved politely.
“O-Oh. Uh. Yeah. We've got a two year old.” The woman replied. Her face was shining with sweat under the industrial lights. “How old are yours?”
“Mal is a hundred sixty-two, Silver's almost two, and little Sebby is thirteen months.”
“A-A hundred sixty-two?” The man gaped.
“I'll be one hundred and sixty-three in January.” He explained. He couldn't for the life of him understand why they were so taken aback.
Silver sneezed again, startling Sebek as a gust of wind nearly sent the trolley flying backwards. Malleus's hair was blown back from his face. Lilia sighed knowingly as Malleus retrieved another wipe from the baby bag. “Oh, we'd best be on our way. It's his first magical expulsion.”
“Is his snot blue?” The woman asked incredulously.
“Why, I'd be concerned if it wasn't!” Lilia gasped, setting their boxes down on their own flatbed. Sebek fussed, and Malleus began to wheel them back to the top of the aisle, hopefully to find a bin as well. “Lovely chatting to you.”
Malleus continued to trail after his guardian like a lost puppy until they made it to a row of registers. There were many humans milling about, all looking similarly drained, and when it finally came to their turn, the young woman scanning their items looked delighted to find they only had the high chair and the wardrobe.
“Will that be cash or card?”
“Cash.”
Card?
He’d never heard of that before.
He snapped out of his drained daze for just a moment, just long enough to pose his query.
“Lilia, what is ‘card’?”
“Oh, humans have this nifty little thing. It's a piece of plastic you can use to pay with.” His guardian explained, before handing the paper money to the woman.
The cashier went bug-eyed, before her eyes drifted to their ears. She relaxed again, handing Lilia his change.
And there it was.
They pushed the trolley and the flat bed past the tills, and Malleus saw the great glass doors for what felt like the first time in days.
Malleus had never been so happy in his life to see daylight.
Given they hadn’t needed the trolley for anything except keeping the kids contained, they had put it back at the entrance. Sebek had lost his noble fight against sleep, and Malleus had ended up with him and Silver while Lilia handled the flat bed.
Silver was all too happy to remind them of what Lilia had promised before they had gone in.
“Swing!” Silver beamed, jumping up and down. Well, not really. He hadn't quite got the hang of it yet, and contented himself with moving himself up and down on the tips of his feet.
Malleus was too tired to deny him, and simply let himself be tugged over to the gate as Silver shrieked excitedly, throwing his hands up as he was let loose upon the playframes. Lilia shrank the boxes and then followed them in, relenting when Silver pleaded to be pushed on the swings.
“I can't wait to go hom- back to the cottage.” Malleus groaned, finding an uncomfortable wooden bench to collapse on.
“Yes. It has been a bit of a long day, hasn't it?” Lilia sighed, pushing Silver gently on the swing. The boy squealed in delight.
Sebek let out a snore from where he was snoozing in the crook of Malleus’s arm, his few tufts of green hair pushed by the gentle breeze filling the playground. Malleus was honestly surprised it had been him and not Silver who hadn’t been able to stay awake for the whole trip. He figured Silver would have passed out at least once while they were in the store, but no.
“I'm tired.” He grumbled, envious of the boy in his arms.
“Well, you'll have to be awake enough for us to fly back.” Lilia laughed, giving Silver a slightly harder push. “Hold on, dear!”
“I suppose.” Malleus sighed. He wished they could just teleport. At least Lilia would be carrying the furniture.
“We'll wait until Belette and Desmond pick up Sebek tomorrow night, then we'll put up that wardrobe.”
“Put it up?” Malleus queried.
“You think this was the hard part?” Lilia asked, raising a brow. “Try building the thing.”
Malleus cursed this store with his whole being.