Chapter Text
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright
Remus hurries along behind his parents trying to keep up. He was worried they would be late, even after his parent’s constant reassurances that they would be on time, that they wouldn’t be late. He couldn’t help it! He could barely believe that he would be allowed to attend Hogwarts! He, a werewolf, in a school filled with many other children, many other children who he could potentially turn… But Dumbledore assured him they had taken appropriate measures to make sure that everyone would be safe.
“Hurry Remus!” His mother called as he started to fall behind, being pushed, and knocked and jostled around in the busy trains station. His mother grabs his hand, and they hurry to catch up with his father, who pushes his trolley, filled with his trunk. “Are you excited?” She asks, tone gentle and sweet, but there’s also a hint of excitement in her own voice; this would be her first time seeing platform nine and three courters, too. Since she’s a muggle, she only herd about Hogwarts from stories his father told them. She was as excited and happy as he was when he got his letter, and when they went and got his schoolbooks and his wand, taking in all the sites, and the stores, face as awed and amazed as a child in a sweets shop being told they could have anything they wanted. She was a very beautiful woman, with light brown hair, the same as his, though hers has streaks of grey; and blue eyes, and an ever present smile.
He nods, excited, yes, but also very nervous, too afraid to open his mouth, lest he loses his breakfast. He is worried he won’t make friends with anyone, and also worried he would make friends. How would he cover up his condition for seven years?
His father’s calm voice comes, directly in front of them. His father has raven hair, with grey in it, too, and golden brown eyes, Remus has his eyes. His smiling face lined with stress, aging even though he is still very young. Remus feels guilty for worrying them so much with his condition. “Don’t worry, everyone gets a little nervous. Just be yourself, and you won’t have any trouble.”
Be himself? Easy for them to say. Remus just smiles, and nods.
They come to a wall between platforms nine and ten, and his parents smile down at him. “Just take a running start, and you’ll be fine.” His father tells him, smoothing his hair back from his forehead, and smiling down at him.
Remus nods, face set and determined. He grips his trolley tighter and takes a few steps back, then starts running towards the wall, closing his eyes right before he gets to the wall, and then opens them to see a scarlet steam engine, billowing smoke out of the top, and children all around him, saying goodbye to their parents, promising to write, before boarding the train. He turns as his parents come through the wall, his mother’s eyes are filled with a sort of awe, as she takes everything in, grinning widely.
“Do you have everything you need?” His mother asks, kneeling in front of him.
“Yeah,” He says, breathless with excitement.
“If not, we’ll send it through owl.” His father promises him, a smile of his own.
The train’s horn sounds, letting everyone know they need to board. “Well…” His mother says, getting tearful, which he knew was coming, but he still feels awkward. “You better get going.”
“He won’t be gone forever, Hope, and he’ll be back for Christmas break, won’t you, son?”
“Of course,” He says, voice hoarse from disuse. His mother smiles, and he rushes over and hugs her, and his father. He’s going to miss them, and home, no matter how excited he is.
His mother smiles, and kisses his forehead. “Go on, now. Get going. You’ll miss the train.”
He nods, “Bye! I’ll see you at Christmas!” his childish voice cries, wobbly with emotion. He swallows, and follows the line of stragglers, and heaves his trunk on board the train. That’s one thing about being a werewolf he doesn’t exactly mind, the extra strength, even if there isn’t really anything inside, other than his books. He doesn’t have much, and what he does have is second hand.
The inside of the train is, if possible, noisier than the train station, with fellow students rushing to-and-fro through the corridors, some rushing to meet friends to tell them about their holidays, other first years, like himself, were trying to find a compartment, empty, or not. Remus passes one that has four boys, one with black hair that was everywhere, and had glasses that were slightly crooked, another, also with black hair, but his was tamed, and he had a sort of air about him, like he was more important than everyone else, and the last who had tawny hair, and watery blue eyes and was rather round and lumpy. There was a girl there, also, who was looking out the window, forlornly, and looked like she had been crying. She was having a conversation with a fourth boy, who had sallow skin and greasy, long black hair. Remus stood for a second, watching. No one in the compartment seemed all that happy, which, to Remus, seemed absurd, seeing as soon they would be going to Hogwarts! Why would they be displeased?
Quickly, before any of them realized he had been staring, he walked to the end of the corridor, where there was a compartment that was empty, at the end of the train. Remus sighs, and hauls his trunk into it, and sits at the end on the seat, facing the wall, his trunk above his head. He quickly changes into his school robes, pulling the nearly threadbare robe onto to his body, and pulling out a book, History of Magic, the first year’s addition, and trying to get into it, but his mind wanders, as it is so apt to do.
This wasn’t all that bad. Remus was used to being alone. He was homeschooled, never having reached school since he was bit when he was nearly four, then his parents decided it wasn’t safe for him to go to school with all the other children, and it was hard enough having to lie about his scars when he leaves the house. They usually just say he was attacked by a big dog when he was younger.
He supposes this is the way it should be, sitting here alone. He knows he won’t make friends, even though his mother hopes he will, he knows it is way too dangerous. Maybe the sorting hat won’t even be able to place him anywhere, and he will be sent home.
A little after one the trolley lady pokes her head in. “Want anything thing from the trolley, dear?” She asks in a kind voice. He doesn’t have any money for some, so he just shakes his head, even though his stomach rumbles loudly. “Are you sure?” He nods. And she nods back, looking at him once more, and leaving.
The sky outside gets darker as they near the school, evening approaching, and Remus finds himself exhausted, even from this small trip, as the full moon comes closer. His head hurts, so he just closes his eyes, and drifts asleep.
His dreams aren’t very nice, they haven’t been for a few years, now. They’re filled with blood and screaming and his wolf, and the deafening cries of his victims.
He snaps awake as someone knocks on his compartment. One of the boys from earlier, the one with grey eyes and silky curls raps his fingers on the door. “We’re here, my friends and I weren’t sure you would wake up. You alright, mate?” He asks, brow furrowed at what Remus knows are his scars.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” Remus rasps, rubbing his tired, burning eyes. He makes to reach for his trunk.
“Oh, you don’t have to bring that, someone else will.” The boy says, holding the door open for Remus, and its then that Remus notices the other two boys standing a little away from them.
Remus nods his thanks, and follows them out, going slower on purpose, hoping to lose them. He’s successful, as many other student’s poor out of their own compartments, and push him further and further back.
Remus steps outside into the crisp, cool night air, that soothes his fevered skin, and hears a booming voice. “Firs’ years! Firs’ years! O’er here!” shouted a huge man, with bushy hair and beard. Remus stood up straighter, and made his way over to the giant man, along with his fellow first years.
The man – Hagrid, Remus hears several people shout greetings to him- leads them over to a bunch of boats, and they all started climbing in. Remus hesitated, seeing as there weren’t any free boats around him, until he saw the three boys from earlier, and climbed into their boat as carefully as he can, trying not to rock it too much. They smile at him, actually seeming happy he was there, though Remus notices when their eyes stay on his scars just a moment too long.
Remus remained quietly entranced with his surroundings, as the other three boys talked animatedly about what they couldn’t wait for when they reach the castle. He can see them trying to include him, but he just stares on ahead, trying not to dissolve into a puddle of nerves.
The sun had fully set by the time they reach solid ground once more. Remus couldn’t stop himself from looking at the moon, which was nearly full; he could feel it’s progress in his joints and his bones, making him feel every step he takes. He hides his pain well, being used to it by now, and the best ways to hide his suffering. Being cursed for six years does that to one.
The energetic, nervous energy, and loud chatter of the children around him was giving him a headache. He was quite hungry now, too, and kind of wanted to just go to bed…
They were ushered inside the castle, it was huge! And so enchanting, Remus wasn’t the only one looking around in wonder. The high columns, and wide arches, and the large staircases that Remus couldn’t wait to find out where they lead to.
The talking was silenced when a stern looking woman with a tight bun and glasses entered.
“Here are the firs’ years, Minerva.” Hagrid says, standing close to the door.
“Thank you, Hagrid.” She says, smiling slightly at him. “Welcome to Hogwarts. I am Professor McGonagall. The start of term feast will begin soon, but before it does, you will be sorted into your houses.” She paused as excited chatter arose once more, before she cleared her throat, and silence fell once more. “Those four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has a noble history, and while you are here, you will earn points for your house. You can earn points for good behavior, but you will also lose points for rule breaking. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will win the House Cup, a great honor.
“The sorting ceremony will begin in a few moments. Follow me, and form a line.” She says, and they proceed into the great hall, suddenly, the air around them turns tense, and nervous, as everyone is panicked, awaiting their fate.
“I just hope I’m not in Slytherin, with Snivelous.” One of the boys from early breathes to the other, prompting a quiet snicker.
They stop a few feet from the teacher’s table, where a small stool is placed with a ratty old hat sitting on top. The brim opens up, and begins to sing a song about the four houses, though Remus is too nervous and exhausted to catch any of what it is saying, and soon it stops, and everyone claps for it, and Professor McGonagall unrolls a piece of parchment and begins to read off names, and children clamber up to be sorted.
After a few students are sorted, all to either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, one of the boys from earlier is called. “Black, Sirius!” Remus knows who he is, and is ready to watch him be sorted into Slytherin like everyone in his family before him. The boy walks with a sort of haughty look on his face, despite that Remus can see how pale and shaky he is. The hat is placed on his dark curls, which are starting to get unruly, as if he deliberately missed several haircuts. He sits for a few minutes, a look on his face that seems like he doesn’t care where the hat sorts him, before he goes ramrod straight, and looks scared, then he seems to be having an inner fight against the hat. It stays like that for a minute or two, before the hat shouts “GRYFFINDOR!” And Sirius Black hops off the stool, and walks over to the shouting table, and sits down. Remus glances over to the Slytherin table, all of the students are shooting him daggers, well, all but one girl who looks to be in either sixth or seventh year, with hair much like Sirius’s own.
After a few minutes McGonagall calls “Evans, Lily.” And the red haired girl from earlier walks up, white-faced and trembling, much how he feels. It sits on her head for a few seconds before calling out “GRYFFINDOR!” And there is a loud applause from the Gryffindor table.
After a boy named Frank Longbottom gets sorted into Gryffindor, Remus’s own name is called, “Lupin, Remus!” he feels like a rock settles in his stomach, and like his heart is trying to break free from him chest. He walks toward the stool with shaking legs, and sits, as McGonagall places the tatty old hat on his head.
A voice sounds in his head, and he can’t help but jump a little in the chair. “Oh, a werewolf? I haven’t had one of before! You have quiet the brain on you, yes, yes, if I place you in Ravenclaw they could help you harness it, but also a lot of courage, bravery and loyalty just waiting to break out. Where to put you?” Remus can’t help but panic, Ravenclaw is so smart, they’re bound to find out his secret. Not Ravenclaw! He thinks furiously. “Not Ravenclaw? Are you sure?” Remus nods his head rapidly. “Alright, if you’re, then it must be-
“GRYFFINDOR!” The hat shouts, and the Gryffindor table erupts in loud cheers, and he takes the hat off, and scampers over to the table, being clapped on the back by some of the closer students. He winces, and sits on part of the bench that Sirius Black was sitting on.
“You doing okay?” Sirius asks, seeming much calmer than he had on the stool, though there is a hint of concern in his deep, grey eyes.
“Yeah, just tired.” Remus answers, accepting the offered hand, shaking it, even though he thinks it odd that an eleven-year-old would shake hands on meeting someone.
Sirius turns his attention back to the sorting as the chunky boy, “Pettigrew, Peter!” Is also sorted into Gryffindor, then his friend from earlier, “Potter, James!” Gets sorted into Gryffindor almost as soon as the hat is set on his head.
Remus cheers with them as James walks over to them, well, more like struts, and plops himself down next to Sirius.
“Well done, mate! I wouldn’t know what I’d have done if you were sorted into Slytherin.” James says to Sirius, who flinches minutely, but plays it off as a cough, and laughs along with his friend.
Soon the sorting is over, as Snape is sorted into Slytherin, not that Remus ever had a doubt that he wouldn’t have, and a few other students go to Gryffindor, then Dumbledore stood, and cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention, and silence fell.
“Welcome to our new students, and welcome back to our older ones. I hope your holidays were satisfactory, and you are ready to fill your minds will knowledge once more.
“Before we start in on our delicious feast, I would like to welcome our newest addition to our teaching staff, Professor Daniel Fletcher, he will be filling in our open position as Defense Against the Dark Arts. I would like to also alert you to the on growing list of banned objects, the paper is on our care taker, Mr. Filche’s office if you are interested, and to tell all of our newest students that the Forbidden Forest on the outskirts of Hogwarts is, in fact, forbidden. Also, we have acquired a very special plant this year, as those of you who are returning to Hogwarts may have noticed. It is called a Whomping Willow, and it is a very dangerous tree, so please stay away from it, as none of us here wish for you to gain any injuries.” Several students turn their attention outside, to the docile tree. Remus already knew about it, and its true purpose, to keep him in, and everyone else out when he transforms.
“That is all, let the feasting commence!” Dumbledore says, and, with a wave of his hand, the tables filled with so much food it groaned underneath the strain of it.
Remus looked at it, shocked, even if he had lived with magic his whole life. Everything was so good, even if Remus couldn’t stomach more than a small plate of shepherd’s pie. Soon the feast was over, and he was being lead to their common room. Remus knows he’s going to have trouble finding the Great Hall in the morning, seeing as he’s basically asleep on his feet, and his exhaustion only grows when they get to the cozy common room, where there are several overstuffed chairs in front of a roaring fire, and the general sense of comfort.
The two prefects split up the first years, Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald, and a girl named Alice, who's last name seems to have slipped Remus's mind, they go with the female prefect, while the boys go with the male.
“This way, first years.” Said an older, fifth year boy, leading the first year boys, Sirius, James, Peter, Frank Longbottom and one more, and Remus himself up a flight of stairs, and showing Frank and the other boy their room first, before showing the other four their room. Remus can’t help but wish that he got to share with the other two, as the three he is sharing with seem to be extremely loud.
Remus hurries through his trunk, looking for his pajamas and toothbrush, then rushes into the bathroom in their room while the other three are too busy going over their excitement about their placement.
Remus sighs, looking at his pale, scarred body in the mirror. He is so thin he could practically count his ribs, and his hip bones jut out in a way he thinks is hideous; his mother always told him he would grow into his body, but until then he hide under layers of sweaters.
He doesn’t know why the hat placed him in Gryffindor, he doesn’t know what it meant about courage, seeing as he’s afraid of the dark, afraid of loud noises, and the moon, and people…
He slowly, so slowly, dresses into his pajamas, being careful of his pained joints, and his just healing scars from the previous moon. He brushes his teeth, and goes back into the room, trying to ignore the laughter, and the jealous tug of his heart. He will ignore them. He will ignore them. He will ignore them! He crawls into his bed, and pulls the curtains tightly closed on the side closest to them, before lying down, and closing his eyes.
It feels like only a few minutes since Remus shuts his eyes, when a too bright beam of light hits through the window. He groans softly, being used to waking up early, he gets up before the other three. The sun has only just risen, and he thinks he can get a shower before they wake up if he’s quick. He doesn’t want to have to deal with questions. Not this early.
He grabs his uniform, and quietly pads over to the bathroom, locking the door, and turning the water on as hot as he could bare, and stepping in. The scalding water burns his skin, but also soothes his tense muscles, and he quickly washes himself, before stepping out, and toweling dry, and pulling on his school uniform.
By the time he gets out, the other three are awake, and starting to get ready. He grabs his school bag, and hurries out of the door, and down to the common room; its full of his fellow Gryffindor’s, and he quickly, with his head down, hurries out through the portrait hole.
He finds a seat in the Great Hall, and sits, eating a hasty breakfast, wanting to get to the classrooms early. A seventh year boy hands him a schedule, before moving on to the next student. Remus looks down; he has Transfiguration first, then Charms, then History of Magic, and then Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was glad that he didn’t have potions until Friday, seeing as the full moon was on Wednesday. He didn’t think he could take the pungent odors of potions so close to the full moon. He’d probably get sick all over his caldron.
He leaves when Professor McGonagall does, and tries to inconspicuously follow her, though, he suspects she knows, though she doesn’t say anything. He sits outside her classroom, leaning against the wall while he waits for class to begin. He doesn’t mind that class doesn’t begin for another half an hour, he just pulls out his Transfiguration book, and begins to read it all over again. He enjoyed it so much he read the whole thing before school started.
His head snaps up as he hears the door open. “Would you like to come in?” Professor McGonagall asks, leans in the doorway. He just stares with wide eyes. “Well? There isn’t much reason for you to sit outside my classroom, Mr. Lupin, come inside.”
He stands quickly. “Thank you, Professor.” He says, breathlessly.
“Nonsense, I am glad you seem so ready to learn.” She says, sitting down at her desk again.
He takes a seat near the middle of the room, and places his book down on the desktop, his wand right next to it, and begins reading again, as Professor McGonagall gets everything she needs for the lesson ready.
“Would you like to help me, Mr. Lupin?” She asks him. He looks up from his book, and nods. “Will you set a box of matches on each desk for me?”
He walks over to her desk, and accepts the boxes of matches, and begins the redundant task of placing them on each desk. When he’s finished he goes back to his own desk, but doesn’t pick his book back up, he watches Professor McGonagall at her desk as she goes over a few papers.
Soon, sooner than Remus would have liked, students from Gryffindor and Slytherin file into the room, taking their respected seats.
“You were up early this morning. Do you usually get up at the crack of dawn?” James Potter jokes, making Remus blush and try to stammer out a response. “Hey, it was only a joke. No need to strain yourself.” He says, smirking. Remus feels himself blush a deeper shade, embarrassed at his inability to socialize.
Professor McGonagall called for quiet, and began her lesson. “Transfiguration is a very tricky bit of magic, and I won’t tolerate any nonsense. Anyone who messes around here will not return.” She says, then turned around, and transformed her desk into a pig, then back again.
Everyone started talking at once, wanting to know how she managed to do that, and wanting to do it themselves.
“Obviously we won’t begin with something so difficult so early.” She says, matter-of-factly, and has them start taking notes on Transfiguration, then she lets them try their hand at Transfiguring the matches into needles.
Remus frowns when it doesn’t work, and says the spell again, and again before some change happens, the match turns a sort of silvery color, and becomes pointier, but it is still obviously wooden.
By the end of the lesson, he and another student, Lily Evans, have managed it, though he barely feels any pride as his head begins to ache. They head to their next lesson in a group, since it seems that Slytherin shares Charms with Gryffindor, too.
Professor Flitwick is a very short man, and has to stand on top of a stack of books to be able to see over his desk, and gave an introduction much the same as Professor McGonagall, and had them take notes through the whole lesson. Remus liked this, seeing as he was used to taking notes, and it gave his head a rest.
The Gryffindor’s had History of Magic with Ravenclaw, and Remus was much relieved since he spent nearly two and a half hours watching Severus Snape stare at Lily Evans.
History of Magic was very boring, and Remus found himself dozing, though he wasn’t the only one, almost everyone, even the Ravenclaws, seemed bored. Lily Evans was the only one who seemed attentive.
They take a break for lunch around one in the afternoon, then they head for the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.
“Defense Against the Dark Arts is a serious subject,” Their teacher, Professor Fletcher states, sitting on his desk. He is a very handsome man, with blue eyes, and golden hair. Though he has many scars on his fair face. That makes Remus feel a little better. “I don’t want to hear any of you using any hexes you learn about here on fellow students. I won’t tolerate it, and Professor Dumbledore surely won’t. Am I clear?” He asks. Everyone nods. “Good.” He says, and begins to tell them a little history on the Dark Arts.
By the end of the school day, having done Herbology after DADA, they had so much homework to do, Remus sat himself on one of the overstuffed chairs, and began to write a paper for History of Magic, about Goblins.
Sitting next to him are his roommates, discussing ways they wish to hex Snape. “I suppose it would be redundant to make his nose grow bigger, wouldn’t it?” James Potter says, lounging on the couch.
“Yeah, I suppose if we tried no one would even notice, am I right?” Sirius Black asks, with a laugh.
Suddenly there is a flash of bright red hair. “Would you leave Severus alone?” growls Lily Evans. “What has he ever done to you?”
“I don’t know. His entire being kind of disgusts me, actually. Do you think we could do that bubble Charm Professor Flitwick talked about? I don’t suppose he’s ever actually seen a bar of soap in his life.” Jokes James Potter, making the other two cackle, but Lily glares.
“You’re all so immature.” She says, storming off.
“I don’t see what her problem is.” Grumbles James.
Remus turns back to his paper, grimacing, as his head stabs with more pain. It’s only two days until the full moon, and he already worked out his excuse for disappearing; he is to tell everyone who asks that his mother is very ill, and that he has to go see her.
He works for a few more hours, but decides against dinner, when the very thought of it makes him gag. He goes up to the dormitory, and climbs into bed, and writing to his parents, deciding he doesn’t care that it’s the first day of school, he wants to tell them how he got into Gryffindor, like his father, and how lessons are going.
He seals the letter, and decides he’ll take it to the dormitory in the morning, since he can barely keep his eyes open. He falls asleep before he can even change into his pajamas.