Archive of Our Own

Yuchan’s hackles are raised from the moment he returns home to find a light on in the backroom.

Quiet as he can, he slinks up against the wall. He should really call someone, shouldn’t he? The police? His brother? But Jiham is busy at work. It would be rude of him to interrupt him just because he might be murdered by an intruder.

Instead of doing what he should, he slides closer to the lit room. The door was locked when he entered. None of the windows seem disturbed, either. So not a break in?

He dismisses the more likely explanation that he himself left the lights on. Laughable. He takes saving on utility costs at his apartment very seriously.

He brandishes his keys between his knuckles like the world’s least threatening weapon, and he rounds the corner while affixing his glare into the fiercest he can while simultaneously wanting to piss his pants and run away.

“Oh- Yuchannie! Welcome back!”

He blinks when, instead of an aggressive axe murderer, the sight that greets him is the deep dimples of his friends, Park Junhee.

Beside him, his other friend with a soft smile of his own. Kim Sehyoon. 

Finally, another presence makes itself known. Walking towards them is supposed-to-bet-at-work-major-liar-big-brother Jiham. “There you are!” he exclaims. “Took you long enough.”

“You’re lucky I don’t carry pepper spray,” he responds once his heart leaves his throat. “The spare key I gave you is for emergencies. Are you about to tell me you’re dying? With our friends here as moral support?”

He waves him off. “No, but it is an emergency. My baby brother starts his first real job tomorrow. We have to celebrate!”

A paradoxical mix of embarrassment and pride washes over Yuchan. “You don’t have to make such a big deal about that…”

“Nonsense! How often does my little bro become a real adult?” It is Junhee to state this, looking three milliseconds from ruffling his hair, so Yuchan does not hesitate to respond. 

“You’re not even my big brother.”

“Gasp! You wound me!”

“Unless… Maybe someday…” Yuchan teases while waggling his eyebrows. Both Jiham and Junhee refuse to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.

“Alright, enough torturing the lovebirds,” Sehyoon interjects. “Don’t you want your cake?”

And just like that, his attention is stolen from the nebulous something between his brother and their friend. Sehyoon walks to the fridge and returns with a chocolate cake in hand.

Of course, it’s not enough for his actual brother and for Junhee to treat him like a younger sibling. Sehyoon, despite being a rather quiet guy, sees fit to make a speech as he cuts him a slice of dessert. “If you told me the snot-nosed little 5 year old who moved in next door to me all those years ago would one day grow into a proper young man with his very own soul-crushing 9-to-5 corporate job, I wouldn’t have believed you. Congrats, Yuchannie.”

Surrounded by family and friends, the from-childhood variety and newer-variety alike, he feels at peace. Worried about what his new path will look like- but excited. 

…..

“And this will be your desk.” 

Whoa. Yuchan is glad he’s not afraid of heights, because his fifth floor office space directly faces the wall-sized windows. He has a crystal clear view of the street below. 

“That concludes the tour- don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions about the copier, that thing gives us all a swift kick in the ass sometimes.” The man who has been showing him around laughs at himself. “Your supervisor will commence your training sometime this afternoon, so you won’t have too much to do besides introducing yourself and acclimating until then. Just try to look busy when the boss swings by, yeah?” He cracks up again and slaps Yuchan on the back. It sort of hurts. 

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I’ll do my best!” he returns with fervor.

Except, as the man warned, slacking off is more necessity than personal choice as the day continues. He truly has no tasks on his docket until his supervisor is able to onboard him. Which means, after going around to greet everyone, he is left with a lot of time aimlessly clicking his computer mouse and staring out the window.

All manner of people pass by on the road below. Across the way is a convenience store. Next to that, a tiny parking lot. And inside the parking lot, behind a black van- a kid just sitting on the pavement. 

Yuchan quirks an eyebrow. He might not be a kid. He looks young, but also just small- he might be Yuchan’s age. His butt is planted right down on the gravel beneath him. That can’t be comfortable. 

As he continues to try and distract himself throughout the day, he notices the guy barely moves. Isn’t he bored? He’s alone, doing nothing. Surely there would be more comfortable places to hang out. Even a grassy field off the beaten path is better than a cramped parking lot, is it not? 

By the time he is actually given some work to do, he is so focused on learning that he forgets the boy. Yet, when he gets back and regales his brother and their friends (via four-way phone call, of course) on how his first day went, he finds himself mentioning the solid, stationary, confusing presence across the way. 

“Maybe he’s homeless,” Junhee posits aloud. Sehyoon hums in agreement. Jiham doesn’t comment on it at all.

Yuchan finds himself wondering about the guy. And about whether he’ll see him again. 

—----

<hyung, office workers don’t have their big brothers bring them lunch> 

Adeptly texting with one hand as he swings a lunchbox in the other, Jiham shoots off, <Too late, I’m already at your office.> 

The reply is instant. <i’m going to tell Yoo Nanhui-ssi not to let you in>

Jiham smiles back down at this phone. He is glad Yuchan is acclimating well, and that he seems to be on good terms with the front desk staff. Not that any of this deters him from his mission to embarrass him be a supportive older brother. 

He stops right by the entrance, though, when he sees a suspicious figure.

A young guy is peering into a car window. After a moment, he walks to the next car down the line and does the same thing.

Jiham instinctively shoves a hand in his pocket to clutch his wallet tightly against himself. There’s no good reason to be looking in strangers’ cars. This kid is probably trying to steal something, or to case out wealthy people to know who to mug. Though he supposes the man could also be sussing out a place to sleep. In any case, only crimes come to mind as reasons for this behavior. 

Once he gives Yuchan his lunch, he’ll make sure to tell him not to leave too late at night, or at least not by himself.

—----

It doesn’t matter how many recipes Sehyoon learns to cook- no dish could ever compare to the simple comfort of a convenience store meal. Cheap, quick, delicious. He thinks he might singlehandedly keep the corner store by his apartment in business.

He is out and about on a stroll today, however, so he will have to chance a different shop than usual if he wants his fix of ultra-convenient food. From what he knows, the place he ducks into is not far from Yuchan’s office building. He’ll have to keep his younger friend appraised on the quality there.

The burst of air conditioning prickles goosebumps onto his skin from the moment he passes the automatic sliding doors. He treks down the first aisle, determined to inspect every offering displayed on the shelves in addition to whatever fresh food they have by the counter. The place is pretty empty, making his task easy.

Empty besides one other patron.

Is patron the right word? The kid who is staring intently at the beverage case occasionally shifts his eyes in other directions like he is nervous. His gaze darts to the cameras in the corners. He fidgets with his hands. Is the guy about to shoplift? Sehyoon keeps a close eye on him.

He is reminded of the man Yuchan described- a scrawny youth who hangs out across Yuchan’s office building. The location certainly matches. He has no way of knowing if it’s actually the same person or not, though.

As he watches, the guy eventually swivels on his heel and marches out without taking anything. Though, through the glass doors, Sehyoon can see him still pacing around outside like he is anxious.

A pang through his chest. The dude was super skinny- he must be starving. Yet he still did not actually steal.

On his way to grab his own food, Sehyoon stops by the snacks aisle that had the guy so entranced. He grabs a soda and a bag of chips. Not exactly nutritious, but…

After being rung up at the counter, he steps outside. He places the plastic bag with the extra stuff he got down beside the kid, who looks down at it then back up at Sehyoon like he cannot quite believe it. 

Sehyoon starts to walk away without waiting for any sort of verbal response, though he does hear the rustling of the bag being picked up and then- shouted at his back- an expression of gratitude. “Thank you!”

It was hardly much that he could do for the other, but Sehyoon feels a bit lighter to have helped in some small way, anyway. Maintaining his quiet, he takes his leave from the area.

—----

Junhee likes almost everything about his apartment. He likes the reclining couch, which he got for free when a neighbor was moving out the same day he moved in. He likes the kitchen, which has plenty of counter space for the messes he makes while cooking. He likes that it has a spare room where Yuchan and Sehyoon can spend the night. He likes that it has only one spare room, so that Jiham ends up staying in Junhee’s bedroom with him.

He likes almost everything- BUT. It does not allow pets. Not without paying a separate fee, that is.

“Heeeere, doggy…” He attempts to make his voice as inviting as possible. He peers around the alleyway for a peek of mangy fur, certain he is near the area the mutt frequents. Yet the stray remains stubbornly out of sight. 

Junhee sighs. He has some dry food burning a hole in his pocket, but perhaps he will not get to use it today.

Right when he is about to give up on his mission, he hears it- excited little yips. Eager, Jungui turns the corner in the direction of the noise. The sight which greets him is a young guy crouched down in front of just the dog he was looking for. The man has one end of a stick in his outstretched hand. The other is clamped in the pup’s jaws. He tugs it this way and that. They’re playing.

Junhee has never managed to get close enough to the skittish animal to do more than leave food for her. But now the dog he internally dubs Princess Peach (for her wavy blonde coat) looks quite at ease. No trace of fear. Based on how dogs are a good judge of character, and the fact that this stranger is engaging the stray in some much needed enrichment, he deems this must be a good person. So he is not scared either when he approaches (slow so as not to startle Princess Peach) and plops down beside the guy.

The kid- who had not seen him coming- DOES startle. His hand drops the stick, eliciting a whine from the puppy, so that it can cover his heart instead. “…Hello?”

“Hi! My name’s Junhee. So Princess Peach here likes tug of war?”

“You mean Rex?”

Junhee blinks. He looks back at Peach, and sure enough, there is still no collar around her. Yet the guy asserts her name like it is a matter of fact. “Are you her owner? Or do you know her owner?”

“No. But she responds to Rex. It’s a cool name for a dog, isn’t it?” His eyes sparkle. He no longer seems bothered by Junhee’s impromptu appearance. 

Junhee may have already decided that present company is a good person, but that does not mean he will acknowledge lies like pretending Rex suits her more than Princess Peach. “Well, if you’re such an expert on names, do I get to know yours? I already told you mine.” 

He hesitates only a moment. “Byeongkwan.”

Indeed, any initial wariness upon seeing Junhee seems to melt as Princess Peach continues to act cute in front of them. Junhee gets to feed and play with her, all while chatting with the strange guy at his side.

—----

Yuchan didn’t think his first office role would be glamorous, exactly. Yet he also hoped dramas were exaggerating when they portrayed things like the newbie getting sent on coffee runs.

Alas. Here he is, freshest rookie on the team, juggling an overloaded holder full of drinks for his sunbaes.

Desperate to impress, he is perhaps rushing a bit more than he should with hands so full. Still, he doesn’t know if he could have kept from tripping even at a more reasonable pace when something darts right in front of him on the sidewalk.

“Whoa!” The exclamation does nothing to help, only makes more of a spectacle out of him as he tumbles to the ground. He rotates himself just in time to save the beverages, and only a few drops seem to spill past the lids. He does not even care about the sting of his arm hitting the concrete. That was close. 

He looks over at the culprit of his fall, and-

Pant pant pant. An adorable dog has sat itself beside him with an innocent, dopey look on its face.

“Where are you running off to- Oh! Are you okay??”

Glancing upwards reveals an outstretched hand and brows knit in concern over familiar features. He has not seen him from up close before, but this looks a lot like the guy that hangs out outside Yuchan’s work building. 

“I’m fine. Thanks.” He sets the drink holder down so he can accept the offered hand. The young man pulls him up, and Yuchan reinspects the non-existent damage of the seemingly intact coffees. 

“You’re bleeding!” The guy’s pretty eyes blow open wide.

Yuchan tilts his own arm to get a look. “It’s just a scratch, no biggie. … Wait, damn! The button came off!” There, on the cuff of his sleeve, he sees it. It looks very sloppy. “Crap, I don’t have time before my presentation to get a new shirt…” He trails off. His hands tangle through his bangs in a display of his mounting anxiety.

Before it can build further, the man says, “If you had some needle and thread, I could fix it.”

“What?”

He repeats himself. “Needle and thread. They might have it at the convenience store.”

“I, um-“

“You don’t have much time, right? It’ll be quick, but you should go get some!” Dazed, Yuchan turns obediently in the direction of the shop. Yet the voice behind him stops him. “Oh, wait! This first.”

When he rotates back toward him, Yuchan sees the guy has pulled a bright pink bandaid from his pocket. He peels the cover off of it and then places it on Yuchan’s scrape for him. He pats by his handiwork with a self-satisfied smile.

“Okay, go!”

He complies. 

…..

True to his word, the kid makes good on the promise to fix his shirt button within minutes of receiving the necessary supplies. Yuchan’s nerves calm as he watches him.

“You’re patching that really well. You’re great at sewing!”

The compliment on his skill makes the guy blush. “Thank you. My uncle always said it was a girly thing to learn.”

Yuchan scoffs. “Do only girls wear clothes? And even if it was feminine, what’s wrong with that? I should learn how sometime.” He almost asks this man to be the one to teach him, though that would be presumptuous given how much the stranger is already helping him. He recalls his brother Jiham suggesting it’d be better to stay away from the guy who hangs out in the parking lot- but Yuchan hadn’t really had another option today. And he doesn’t see a reason when the man in question seems so kind.

Case in point. The dog who had startled him has been hovering around, and when Yuchan pets its head, the stranger explains, “She got startled by a loud noise, which is when she nearly collided with you. I chased after her to calm her down.”

He remembers all at once. “Oh! I got you something small at the store to thank you. I don’t know if you have a sweet tooth, but…” He procures the snack in question.

The young guy takes it with reverent hands and a jaw dropped open. “Choco pies are my absolute favorite. You didn’t have to do that!”

“And you didn’t have to fix my sleeve, but here we are.” He smiles back, fond. He’s glad the other appreciates the gesture and likes- or rather loves- the candy.

When he remembers why he had been in such a rush to have his problem fixed, he has to glance at the time and pick up the drinks from the ground. They should still be relatively hot, and he should be able to pass them out and still get to the meeting room in time to prep. 

“Seriously, thank you! I have to leave now, but I won’t forget this.” The man watches Yuchan say goodbye and then walk into his office building. He waves back with a bright grin.

…..

It seems to have been the inciting incident, as now the duo greet one another whenever Yuchan is on his way back home from work. They say hello, ask about each other. It turns into the start of some casual chatting. It becomes their… thing.

Yuchan hides it, knowing his brother wouldn’t approve. Yet his curiosity about his new friend is overpowering. He wonders if they keep talking, if he can learn more about him. If he can glean bits and pieces of his situation, if their conversations can grow deeper. Yuchan is sociable with some of the people at work, but this is the connection he is most excited to foster. Nurturing a possible addition to his inner circle which hasn’t happened since he, Jiham, and Sehyoon met Junhee.

Well. Not that Yuchan actually thinks he could integrate Byeongkwan- whose name he finally learned on their second official meeting- into his other friend group.

—---

“Go on, get out, you damn fairy!” 

Byeongkwan has enough practice dodging when his uncle will spit at him in disgust. He also knows exactly when his temper tantrums boil over, when to comply and leave so that he can avoid the worst of the beatings. Tonight, he only got hit once in warning before getting kicked out. His uncle will mean to take it back in a several hours time. He will expect Byeongkwan back in the house to cook and clean. 

But this time, Byeongkwan isn’t planning to come back. 

He limps around dimly lit street corners, favoring the side where his hip had NOT smashed against the floor after being shoved. It hurts. But the more distance between him and that abusive asshole, the better.

Even if it means he now has nowhere to go. The alleys are better than that place he used to call a ‘home.’ 

He collapses by a dumpster. It smells like shit, and he does not want to speculate on the nature of some of the messes he can see around him. Regardless, he does not let the lingering fear overpower his resolve. Exhaustion takes over, and his eyes shut.

When he opens them- feeling like he slept maybe two minutes despite the fact that it is now brighter out- he sees a guy with a scraggly goatee leaned over him, repeating, “-okay? Dude, you okay?” 

A clattering sound wakes Byeongkwan. He shoots up in his makeshift bed- really a dusty cot set up on the floor, but a mattress- however thin- and a blanket- however ratty- is infinitely better than the time his dream just reminded him of. 

Those memories are far behind him now. A relic of the past, thanks to the goateed man- Daehoon-hyung. 

Teenage Byeongkwan had a ‘home’ and a ‘family’ but resented both. Adult Byeongkwan has an abandoned hovel they squat in and a guy older than himself who acts confusing sometimes. Maybe it’s not the stuff dreams are made of, but beggars cannot be choosers. He thought he had no future at all growing up. Daehoon showed him differently. 

“Kwan, you ever planning to wake up?” 

He looks over to where Daehoon has just entered his room. Easy enough when there’s only a doorframe and no door. He was already sitting up with his eyes open, but he supposes Daehoon wants him to actually get out of bed. He must be in a mood today.

“People who raise a hand to kids don’t deserve to raise children. You’re so young. But now you’re with me. You’re not gonna get bruises like these anymore.” 

Daehoon used to speak more gently to him. When he nursed his injuries, when Byeongkwan was still healing. When he was younger. Daehoon would say things about how he would be by his side, he would watch out for him like an older brother.

“Once you join the land of the living, I need you on another run today. The mark likes cute young guys like you. Your job is just to lead him to the exchange spot and talk about how great the product is.”

Byeongkwan nods. “Same as usual, then.” It makes sense that, now that he has grown up some, he is expected to contribute to their finances. 

“We’re running out of canned stuff, by the way. You’ll need to hit the convenience store again this week.”

He gulps. Knows better than to ask for an allowance to go with. He hated every second of the last time, made himself absolutely sick at the thought of stealing. Not just from the fear of getting caught but from the sense of… wrongness. He got so lucky that that really nice guy with the wavy hair bought him something when he chickened out. He knows he won’t be so lucky again- and that Daehoon will be mad if he returns empty-handed. He noncommittally hums to the promise of shoplifting rations for the duo. 

“It’s nothing fancy, but I’m taking you in off the street. It’s good you ran away. It seems like you’ve never felt kindness before. But you had the courage to leave, and I’ll help you keep the courage to stay gone.”

“I know you’re still struggling with the pain. Not physically- the emotional scars. The mental ones from being abandoned. I can show you how to take that away.”

Byeongkwan is very grateful for Daehoon. He helped him. He even gave him stuff which makes him feel free and floaty. When things get hard, Daehoon gives him a fix. 

He used to have a bit of a crush on Daehoon, though he thinks he outgrew it somewhere in between Daehoon’s weird behavior. Daehoon would always compliment him. He treated him like a kid one second and then called him handsome the next. He goes to clubs with girls and then comes back to Byeongkwan smelling like booze. But it is Byeongkwan he comes back to. 

Things felt different when Byeongkwan started helping out. When Daehoon said, “you’re mature enough now,” when he said “a lot of our prospective clients like a fresh face like yours. Flirt with them a little, and they’ll come swarming.” He was barely eighteen at the time. 

Back when he used to go to school, he remembers a lesson about appropriate dynamics to have with adults, about serious things like ‘sexualization’ and ‘grooming’ and all that. Byeongkwan doesn’t think he has the luxury to fall back on what his old health class called ‘danger signs.’ Although it did wear off some of the luster he felt in his initial admiration toward Daehoon. He feels weird whenever the older man has him dress a certain way to appeal to customers. 

He feels weird about their work, too. 

…..

It’s a familiar sight when Byeongkwan leads the latest guy into the rundown factory. Another abandoned building, but one far enough from where they reside. 

There is already a woman reclined on the stiff office-waiting-room style furniture. She is completely zonked out even with her eyes open. Her one hand traces the air like she can see patterns in it. Byeongkwan knows how that feels.

“Is that what I can look forward to? You didn’t exaggerate.” The man beside him grins- no, leers. His arm hasn’t left from around Byeongkwan. “I’m not new to it, but seems like you’ve got stronger stuff here. You’ll prepare it for me, won’t you?” 

Daehoon cuts in from beside the woman. “He doesn’t know how, I’ll be doing it. Kwan, go be the lookout, hm?” 

He nods, obliging. The man reluctantly loosens his grip on Byeongkwan, though not without a wink and a “Shame, would have been nice to have such a pretty face administering it.”

The guy is probably double Byeongkwan’s age. He makes himself smile and then exits as soon as he can.

He plops himself on the corner and keeps a watch that no one approaches the building. No one ever does. He honestly isn’t sure what he would do if they did- besides bang on the wall like he was trained to let Daehoon know someone was coming. 

Daehoon only takes multiple clients at once when he wants some extra cash. Byeongkwan hopes that means they can eat more than instant ramen this week. His body is crying out for more nutrients. But he also hopes Daehoon isn’t selling so much of the supply that he won’t have much left for Byeongkwan. It’s been a while since his last dose, and he is getting itchy.

He brings it up when the buyers clear out and they zig-zag their way back for the day, shoulders bumping. 

“Is there enough still for… you know?”

Daehoon chuckles. “Getting antsy for it, are you? Don’t worry, I saved some for you.” It sounds sweet, like they are discussing leftover cake and not drugs. 

“You said it was normal to feel this way,” he whines mildly at being teased. Even as he underplays that he is starting to crave it a bit desperately. 

They walk in silence the rest of the way until they reach their homebase. Byeongkwan wants to ask if Daehoon is planning to go out and splurge on women tonight, or if they are going to eat dinner together. He and Daehoon don’t really have much in common, their ages and interests diverging a fair deal. But the drafty old building feels much lonelier at night when he is there by himself. And he definitely wouldn’t prefer for Daehoon to leave if he is planning on injecting Byeongkwan tonight. Byeongkwan feels so vulnerable when he’s on that stuff. 

Instead of asking that, though, the other thought that’s been plaguing him comes out of his mouth. “Do you ever feel kind of… off about what we’re doing?”

Daehoon stiffens. Easy smile giving way for a stern set of his brow, a harshly clenched jaw. “They choose to buy. We don’t force anything on anyone.”

He always gets tight-lipped and defensive like this concerning the morality of the whole ‘dealing drugs’ aspect of it. He never even tells Byeongkwan who is supplying him, since he does not seem to grow or manufacture it himself. While it may be true people willingly engage in sales of the illicit substances Daehoon provides, Byeongkwan is not stupid enough to overlook the power of addiction. The dependency they are creating in people. (He knows it firsthand.) Not to mention how highly illegal it is. 

He senses that Daehoon is not receptive to the topic. He pivots again, although it is still related to his initial train of thought. To his own reluctance to continue taking part in what they do.  

“What if… What if I got my GED? Then I could maybe get, like, a different job, support us with some additional income.” He liked school when his uncle let him go- he liked learning, although he thinks he mostly liked having friends and not being isolated with only his uncle. 

Daehoon’s eyes flash. “Are you trying to leave? Is this not good enough for you anymore? Think you’re above it? Above me?”

Byeongkwan doesn’t know why he’s angry all of a sudden. “N-No! Like I said, I would be making money for us-”

“It doesn’t sound like you know the stakes of what we’re involved in here. Once you’re in it, you don’t just say ‘no thanks’ and step out. Until you learn some responsibility and some commitment to this operation, I don’t think you’ve earned any of the stuff. Since you think you’re so much better than it now.” 

And his heart sinks. He only meant to throw the idea out there. He didn’t think Daehoon would retaliate by withholding the drugs from him. “No, I- I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I promise I’m dedicated to this.”

He hums. “We’ll see. You’ll have to demonstrate that to me.”

He doesn’t know how he is supposed to prove that he is hardcore serious about selling drugs. But he will have to try. Daehoon is already walking away, and Byeongkwan feels the itch spreading more insistently across his body.

…..

His teeth are chattering so hard he feels like he might wear down the enamel- but he is also sweating like he is in the desert. Nausea swirls in his belly and licks at the base of his throat, though he is mercifully so dehydrated that he does not think he has anything to vomit. It doesn’t spare him from the special kind of agony from lying awake with racing thoughts and cramp in every muscle in his body.

Withdrawal is hell. It is his first time going through it, and he doesn’t think he can survive another day of it. 

He drags his pitiful frame upward from his cot and slinks toward Daehoon’s room. He got the one with a functioning door, and so Byeongkwan stands on the other side of it. He knocks, hoping Daehoon will not be too pissed about being bothered in the middle of the night. Daehoon has never hit him like his uncle used to, but he still holds an innate fear of waking people up. Particularly men older than him who he lives with, people he views as figures of authority.

There is no response, but he tries his luck anyway. Daehoon is supposed to be in tonight.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I’ll drop the GED talk, I swear. This is all I need. I’ll do whatever you ask me to, just… please. I can’t take this anymore.”  

He is leaned against the door, so he nearly falls when it is pulled open. 

Daehoon stands on the other side, the look in his eyes noticeably sweeter than it has been the past couple days. “There you go. Was it so hard to make the right decision? I don’t enjoy when you make me have to punish you, you know. But I’m glad you learned the right lesson.” 

The softness in his expression feels like just as much a reward as when he holds the door open wider and gestures toward his bag. Byeongkwan eagerly, obediently files in. 

“Here, I’ll help you,” he tells him. He goes to his bag and pulls out a syringe. He fills the vial and then levels the needle toward Byeongkwan’s arm. 

“Thank you,” he mutters. His lips are nearly too chapped to speak now that he managed out the necessary apology. 

“It’s good you know what you have to do now,” he says, gently pulling Byeongkwan closer. One of his hands pets Byeongkwan’s hair while the other keeps a grip on his arm. “I’ll be expecting you to pull your weight a lot more, alright?”

So instead of getting to step back, he’ll have to wade even further into the business. Entrenched in what he had hoped to free himself from.

It’s not as though he has any other option, though. He owes everything to Daehoon. He has to do what he says, whether he likes it or not. He cannot want anything more for himself.

At least there is one bright spot in his days. His friend- the one he hasn’t told Daehoon about. Yuchan talks to him like he is untainted. Yuchan is pure, unaware. Untouched by the dirtier sides of Byeongkwan’s life. And he treats Byeongkwan like someone worth talking to.

He remembers Yuchan’s laugh as the drug floods his veins and travels through his bloodstream.

—----

“It is NOT a horrible idea!” 

Sehyoon calculates what to do for all of about one second when he approaches Yuchan’s apartment for the usual group together but overhears the apartment owner arguing with someone outside.

“Of course it is! I’m not someone you- introduce to people.” 

Despite the insecurity evident in the voice he doesn’t quite recognize, Sehyoon feels excitement rise in him. Is this a secret boyfriend of Yuchan’s? He really is growing up. 

“That’s nonsense. You’re a great guy, and my friend. My friends can handle that. I don’t wanna feel like I’m hiding you anymore.” 

Oh. Maybe not a romantic partner, but someone important to Yuchan all the same, then. He probably shouldn’t be listening in from around the corner like this, pressed against the apartment gate wall like a creep… But it sounds like he is about to meet whoever this is anyway, so does it matter? It’d probably be more awkward to make his entrance now. 

A beat of silence, and then Yuchan continues. “Look, I’m sorry if it feels like I sprung this on you. I just wanted to show you my place, and I genuinely forgot until, like, fifteen minutes ago that this is the day my other friends always come by. I won’t force you to come inside if you don’t want to.”

Another moment. The other voice eventually speaks. “...I trust you, Yuchannie. I don’t think I’m good enough to meet your friends, but if you want us to, then I do think it’d be cool to get to see people as amazing as how you describe them.” 

It is sweet to hear their Yuchan talks about them, and in an apparently positive manner. Sehyoon finally decides to make his presence known. He rounds the bend and comes face to face with the duo.

“Hey, Channie.” 

“Sehyoon!” 

His eyes instantly scan over to the guy beside Yuchan. And he realizes it is someone he has seen before. 

The young man seems to know him, too. He sputters, “Fr-From the convenience store!” Suddenly, he bows. “Thank you again for that time. I would’ve been in trouble if you hadn’t helped me out.”

He raises an eyebrow at the vague non-explanation. Maybe the kid had been hungry, then, but Sehyoon didn’t exactly buy him a meal or proper nutrition. Perhaps he should have.  

“You were so kind to me.”

He doesn’t say ‘it wasn’t that a big deal,’ since it obviously was to this guy. So, rather than dismiss him, he says, “My name is Sehyoon. You know Yuchan?”

Before he can answer that, more of the expected guests arrive. As in, all of them. Junhee and Jiham show up walking down the street together. Bickering, yet standing so close that it belies more affection than their faux caustic tones of voice. 

Junhee pauses when they reach the congregation outside the apartment. He points. “Dog guy!”

Confusion reigns in everyone else. “Excuse me?”

“This is the dude who was playing with Princess Peach the other day!”

“Her name is Rex,” the guy says with half a pout, and Sehyoon STILL doesn’t know the guy’s actual name, or anything about this dog they’re talking about- “You know Yuchan, too?”

“Know him? He’s my younger brother-”

An elbow in the ribs from Jiham cuts him off. “He’s my younger brother. And you are… the man I saw looking inside of people’s car windows?” He looks thoroughly unimpressed.

The man seems to shrink under the harsh gaze, but Yuchan puffs out his chest. “Byeongkwan has a good reason for that. It’s not what you think.”  

The tension simmers, with this… Byeongkwan?... pale like he is about to get scolded, and Yuchan sighs. “Let’s discuss this inside.”

….. 

Sehyoon does not envy Yuchan’s new friend one bit. Imagine feeling as though you have to unload your entire unfortunate life story upon first meeting a bunch of strangers? He hopes he had not felt overly pressured to do so. Still, what a way to make an impression.

He knows his friends well enough to realize he is not the only one with a lump in his throat as a nervous Byeongkwan details the behind the scenes for each of their encounters with him. He explains his past- the abuse, the living on the street, the drug addiction. How he hangs around Yuchan’s office building as he has to be out of the place during the day while the dude he is staying with makes video calls with a certain high-powered upper class clientele. How privacy is paramount, and he has been told that having a ‘scraggly kid’ around is bad for business. 

He goes on to the previous incident with Sehyoon, when he was ordered to go get something from the convenience store even without any money. He came across looking shady, but he truly did not wish to steal. 

“What about the car?” Jiham demands. He seems no softer or more sympathetic than when Byeongkwan started speaking, although Sehyoon suspects this is something of a tough guy front. 

“Daehoon just got a deal on a used car, though he never parks it near our place since it isn’t a great neighborhood. He wanted me to come pick him up because h-he was high and falling asleep, but he didn’t tell me what the car looked like, so I was trying to see if I could find him inside one of them on the street.”

Junhee mutters under his breath, “Does this kid even have a license?” Sehyoon wonders the same. How exactly was he meant to be responsible for his drugged out senior sleeping in his car?

Yuchan looks affected by everything, as though perhaps some of the information is new to him as well. 

Sehyoon is torn. His instincts tell him that this kid really does look pretty innocent, like he does not mean anyone any harm. The circumstances he found himself in should not detract him from that. Hell, that could have happened to Yuchan after his parents passed, had he not had Jiham and Sehyoon to care for him. 

But he knows Jiham is not as convinced. And that it is of course possible for the guy to be giving convenient excuses in place of reality. 

Jiham paces. He looks less angry and judgmental, but no less annoyed or frustrated. “I work for a law firm, am I supposed to look the other way while something highly illegal is happening right under my nose?”

“We’re not looking the other way, we are going to HELP him. BK is a victim, not a perpetrator.”

Yuchan already has a nickname for him. Despite what Jiham may desire, Sehyoon can tell there will be no getting rid of this Byeongkwan. 

Junhee must sense the same, as he places a gentle hand on Jiham’s arm and then looks to Sehyoon. An established signal meaning ‘hyung conference.’ Something they have not done in a while- it worked when Yuchan was younger and they needed to discuss something without him, but he bitched about it endlessly once he felt old enough that leaving him out of hard conversations would be disrespectful.

It is necessary now, though. They could not discuss their true opinions with the force of Yuchan’s stubborn will focused right on them.

Yuchan must know this as well. He gives off a heavy sigh and raises a hand in the direction of his bedroom.

The trio take the invitation. 

Sehyoon speaks first once they can. “I understand your concern, Ji. But it does sound like the right thing to do. Ignoring what Byeongkwan is going through after all he has already experienced- I don’t know if I can do that.”

Junhee nods. “Even if I wasn’t already growing a soft spot for him, I’d be invested because Yuchan cares so much. It does seem like a dangerous thing to get involved in… But Yuchan is so stubborn. He won’t listen if we tell him to stop, to not associate with Byeongkwan- so I think it’s better for us to be involved alongside him.”

Jiham scrubs hands roughly through his own bangs. “I don’t like this. But I also don’t like the idea of just washing my hands of it after hearing all that…”

Indeed. Whatever act he may put up, he is a highly empathetic person. Sehyoon sometimes thinks Jiham is a bigger pushover than either he or Junhee- rivaled only by his own younger brother. 

So they become a united front when they return to the main room. 

“Yuchan has faith in you, and anyone he likes is good in my book. You seem like someone I could be friends with. Connection to Princess Peach as Exhibit B,” Junhee announces with a cheeky grin.

“It sounds like life has dealt you a shitty hand, but you deserve better than that,” Sehyoon agrees.

“But do you seriously want things to change? We can want to help you, but it won’t mean anything if you don’t want help.”

Ah. Jiham makes a good point.

“Of course he does! Right, hyung?” Yuchan’s enthusiasm burns bright.

Byeongkwan, however, hesitates. “I, um- I mean, I know things weren’t the easiest for me growing up, but… Daehoon is the person who helped me when I went through difficult times. Don’t I owe him? I don’t- Am I allowed to want something different?”

Now there is sorrow coloring the expressions where tentative hope was before. 

Yuchan takes Byeongkwan’s hand in one of his own. “You need to live your life for you. If you stay in a situation that’s bad for you out of gratitude… that’s too sad.”

“He’s right,” Jiham says with sincerity. “I know you might feel stuck, or as though you cannot wish for better. But being used like this, and being dependent on a substance that is so harmful? You should not need to settle for that.”

“You don’t need to do it alone,” Sehyoon urges. “The options are not stay connected and stable with Daehoon, or give it up and strive for something new on your own. If this was the journey you decided to take, we would support you.”

Byeongkwan gulps hard. “You don’t even know me. And I don’t know you. Why would you…?”

Junhee shakes his head. “The world does operate like that sometimes, like people only pay attention and effort to what is around them. But we are also all human beings. There is good out there, if we are only brave enough to reach for it.”

Byeongkwan does not seem to know what else to say. Fair enough. Sehyoon and the others, to his point, do not know him that well. Their bond with Yuchan is what connects them. But, if Byeongkwan lets them, Sehyoon can see their relationship deepening. 

What occurs further down the line will have to be seen.

———-

Jiham has always prided himself on being the dependable one. When their parents passed, he became the figure his younger brother could rely on. He got a respectable job. His instincts tell him that welcoming someone in who does drugs, someone with ties to a dealer, is far from a responsible choice.

Then Byeongkwan does something so minor while hanging out with them that his older brother instincts shove aside those other instincts.

“You got to be Seong Mina last time!” 

He seems so young when he pouts at Yuchan from behind the controls of the arcade machine.

“You only want to be her because she’s Korean- so just be Yunseong!”

“No, her outfit and her weapon are cool, too!” 

“If you both stop fighting outside of the game and start fighting inside of it, I’ll try to win you something from the claw machine, okay?” Junhee’s placating promise brings expressions of twin excitement to both of the grown men. 

Learning who Byeongkwan is outside of the trauma and the crime… is unexpectedly delightful. Because who he is- who he seems to be so far- is a kind, funny guy with a lot of loveable quirks. He can watch a graphic zombie horror flick without batting an eye, but he screams his head off at the sight of a tiny bug. He performed a freestyle dance to the Kirby theme song with such gusto that milk spurt out of Sehyoon’s nose. Whatever life has thrown his way, it has not stopped him from being a bright and sociable individual. 

When Junhee feeds all of his pocket change to the crane game and still fails, he turns expectantly to Jiham. Like he even needed to. With the air of a pro, Jiham loads his own money and goes for a prize. With only two quarters down, he procures toys for his brother and his brother’s friend. Simply to show off, he enters another round and fetches two small plushies at once which he hands to Junhee and Sehyoon. 

“You’re so cool!” Byeongkwan squeals. “Yuchan didn’t tell me how supernaturally talented you are!” 

Perhaps an overstatement of his very limited skill set, but it makes Jiham feel happy to hear it, anyway. Happier still to know he made all of his companions happy- Byeongkwan among them. The kid deserves a little light spot in his life.

…..

It is on another such meetup that Jiham truly begins to appreciate Byeongkwan for who he is, and not just as a mirror for or complementary friend to his dongsaeng. 

And the meetup is not even planned. 

He is waiting outside Yuchan’s office building, and Byeongkwan is of course there as well. In the parking lot he has made himself so at home in.

“Oh, it’s rare for you to come pick Chan up.”

“Yeah, well.” He intends to remain taciturn about it, but Byeongkwan is so disarming that he continues without really meaning to. “I don’t want him going home alone. Some of his so-called sunbaes have been giving him a tough time recently.”

“Oh, he told me about that. He’s been pretty resilient about it, though.”

Jiham huffs. “Maybe that’s what he tells you, but Yuchan is really sensitive. I bet he tosses and turns at night thinking about what he’s done wrong and why his coworkers don’t like him. He has such a need to please people.”

Byeongkwan nods. He probably does understand at least that much. Though he continues on to say, “He might be, but he still goes into work every day and smiles when he tells me about how he got a report done on time. I never know what he is talking about since I don’t know all the office lingo, but I can tell he’s working hard to be proud of himself. And I know he knows that you’re proud of him, too.”

Jiham stiffens.

Blazing ahead, showing a power of perception that Jiham really had not expected, Byeongkwan says, “Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but it seems to me like the reason you’re so worried is that this is the first time Yuchan has struggled somewhere where you couldn’t be with him. And that makes sense- I know how you have basically raised him since you were both young. But because you are such a good brother, Yuchan has grown to be a wonderful adult. He is thriving and handling his own problems. He always speaks so highly of you, you know? Maybe you can’t physically be there with him at work, but it’s enough that you care and you try. Family does not always do that. …I would have loved to have a big brother like you.”

He… doesn’t know what to say. He had not anticipated such an outpouring of heartwarming sentiment, and from someone he has been largely prickly toward. Yet going only off of stories from Yuchan, he cuts to the center of Jiham’s inner worries. Dispels his notion that he is failing as an older brother.

A part of him wants to respond that Byeongkwan still could have a big brother like him, but he has not earned the right to express such a thing. Not yet, anyway.

So instead, he gives off a semi-hysterical laugh. “Does it make sense to call someone a good listener when I didn’t even say outright what was bothering me? It’s like you read it from my soul or something, that’s creepy.” Byeongkwan laughs as well. Jiham softens his voice when he follows up with, “You’re important to Yuchan, too. He is always excited to tell me what you guys did together when you hung out, or how much he enjoys talking to you. I like to see him making friends. I like that you’re so kind to him. I hope you can be kind to yourself, too, because I know that would make him happy. It would make, uh, me and the other guys happy, too. Maybe you didn’t have the kind of family you wished for as a kid, but, I- I hope you know you’re not alone now.”

Byeongkwan’s smile doesn’t fall although his eyebrows do pinch together like he is getting emotional. “…Thank you for saying that.”

Jiham should thank him as well. So he pats Byeongkwan’s shoulder with one hand while they both await Yuchan. 

———-

It is kind of astounding the ease with which Byeongkwan is acclimating to their friend group. It reminds Sehyoon of how, after years of it being just him, Jiham, and Yuchan, Junhee broke into their inner circle and made himself right at home. Yet, unlike Junhee, Byeongkwan has spent most of his life alone, with only his dealer for company. A questionable, complicated relationship with complicated dynamics and feelings involved. 

Despite that, he gets along with Yuchan like they are long lost twins. He melts Jiham’s rough exterior until Sehyoon can see actual fondness dancing behind his eyes when he observes Byeongkwan. 

Sehyoon tosses the partially-deflated volleyball they found over the court net. His power level is miscalculated, though he considers it Junhee’s fault when- “Ow! You hit me in the face!”

“Get better at the game,” he retorts, while crossing across the dirt field in the park to check that Junhee is actually not injured. 

“What sport would you guys wanna win a gold medal at in the Olympics?” Byeongkwan asks them out of nowhere.

“I haven’t thought about that before. Why, do you have one in mind? Would it be volleyball?” 

Byeongkwan shakes his head at Yuchan. “No, dancing.”

Jiham quirks his head. “Is dancing in the Olympics?”

“If it’s not, it should be.” And the boy demonstrates a few freestyle moves. He has been getting markedly less shy around them. Sehyoon is glad he’s growing comfortable.

He himself is a bit less so, perhaps. He can be reserved around new people. It took a lot for the other three to even break down his walls, and he still feels out of place with them sometimes when they are all so personable. 

Case in point when Junhee suddenly challenges Yuchan to a dance-off, with Jiham constantly switching who he cheers for just to piss them both off. 

He expects the self-professed gold-medal-dancer wannabe to get into the hype, but he instead looks over at where Sehyoon has sat himself on a bench. He takes a spot beside him.

“You’re quiet today,” he remarks.

“I’m always quiet.”

Byeongkwan swings his legs. He isn’t looking at him, which helps this feel less like a confrontation. Even when his next words challenge Sehyoon. “Not like this- it feels a bit more withdrawn than I’ve seen you be with those guys usually. Is it because I’m here?”

Sehyoon sputters. How is this guy so straightforward? “That’s not- You’re completely welcome here, you know that-”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t. I asked if my presence here is impacting how you typically interact with the others.” Sehyoon doesn’t say anything. It would be a lie to say no. Yet he cannot even blame it on not being as close with Byeongkwan as he is with the others, because the issue right now goes beyond that. Byeongkwan continues on. “I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m trying to insert myself, or- or replace you or anything.”

Is it the way he grew up that made Byeongkwan so blunt? Sehyoon does not know if it qualifies as emotional intelligence that he pays so much attention to the people around them, yet he seems to say whatever is on his mind. 

“That’s not it,” he eventually replies with a sigh. “...Not entirely. I think seeing you get along with everybody reminds me that it’s not as easy for me. Which isn’t your fault, and I don’t feel like you’re taking my place or anything. I just wish I could be like that sometimes. Talkative. Interesting. Sometimes I wonder if Jiham and Yuchan only hang out with me out of obligation, because we were friends and neighbors since childhood. And if Junhee got stuck with me too since he wanted to befriend them. I’m just- me. A silent weirdo.” 

Byeongkwan’s eyes narrow. He is now looking right at Sehyoon. “They’re weird, too, you know. And so am I. But would they really seek you out and wanna spend time together with you purely out of pity? Are they those kinds of people? We may have met not long ago, but I don’t see you as someone people are around out of a sense of duty. You’re fun to be around. I’ve liked getting to know you. Maybe you feel like an outsider to their circle sometimes,” he says while gesturing at the trio still goofing off unaware, “but they choose to include you. Like you all did for me.” 

Somehow, it means a lot coming from the other. It doesn’t feel like a debt of gratitude because they all have decided to befriend Byeongkwan, but like he genuinely thinks highly of Sehyoon. “Thank you. You’re fun to be around, too, you know. I don’t know many people like you- sometimes you remind me of Yuchan, and sometimes you just seem so different than anyone else. But I feel… content to have the chance to learn more of those unique sides of you.”

Byeongkwan turns red, and it is the first time Sehyoon has seen him like that. But he seems embarrassed in a pleased way rather than an uncomfortable one. “Thanks, hyung.”

‘Hyung.’ Now Sehyoon feels pleased, too.

—---- 

Junhee could sleep for twenty hours straight, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“You look exhausted,” Byeongkwan hums with sympathy when he peers over his shoulder to see Junhee arriving.

He squats down beside him, careful not to let the dust and dirt from the field dirty his work pants. Even though he is about to get all manner of fur over it. He glances Byeongkwan up and down before remarking, “You do, too.” While he knows he himself must have dark eyebags, so does Byeongkwan. 

“Ah, yeah… Daehoon was working til late last night, so he had me stay out until the middle of the night, and then he didn’t give me my… yeah…” 

He is sheepish about this part, and Junhee frowns. It’s hard to forget that, while he acts so bright and happy while hanging out with them, Byeongkwan is still living in a really shitty situation. Still grappling with his ‘caretaker’ being a literal criminal and dealing with his own addiction. 

“I’m sorry…” he says. He reaches out to brush a hand through Byeongkwan’s hair. Soon enough, Princess Peach protests that someone is getting petted who is not her. She yips and clamps onto Junhee’s sleeve to force the attention her way instead. He laughs and obliges, and Byeongkwan does the same. “I’ve got your food right here, Princess.”

“What if we called her Princess Rex? As a compromise?”

“Her name is Princess Peach, you heathen.”

“We don’t even know which one of us met her first!” 

“I’m the one who feeds her,” he retorts while stinking out his tongue. Which maybe isn’t fair. It’s not like Byeongkwan has any money of his own with which to buy her dog food. Junhee feels bad, but then-

“I’m the one who plays with her!” He seems unaffected. Though, it seems the topic of each other’s circumstances has come back to mind. Perhaps to deflect from his own situation and perhaps out of genuine concern, he says, “Why do you seem so tired, though?” 

He sighs. Can’t avoid his own issues forever, he supposes. “I’ve been putting in a lot of overtime recently. I just… I’m kind of in my head about my job? Jiham is in such a professional, respected field, and Yuchan just started working, and I know he looks up to me, but I’ve been in the same position since I started years ago. Like- how can I measure up to the responsible figure I should be if I’m stagnant? What kind of role model can’t advance? I know I come across as goofy. I don’t mind that. But I also know that I want people to be able to take me seriously.” 

Byeongkwan is quiet for a moment. Then he suddenly turns in Junhee’s direction and, from his squatting position, plops his butt down onto the ground.

“...What are you doing?”

“Looking up to you.” 

It’s so ridiculous that it startles a bark of laughter out of him. Princess Peach barks in response. 

“I mean it. I do look up to you- not just because you’re taller, or older, or whatever. And not because of your job, although I definitely do admire that when I’ve never had one- a legit one, that is.I aspire to be someone who can be himself like you are. Who smiles so easily, looks after others so kindly. You put Yuchan, Jiham, and Sehyoon before yourself. You even did it today with me. Maybe you feel like you’re not respectable enough- but from my perspective, the others already rely on you just for who you are. Like when they were deciding whether or not to accept me into the circle, they looked at you, like for permission. Like your opinion matters. And they are so comfortable around you. That has to mean you’re doing something right.

“I don’t know a lot about office jobs. You probably do deserve more recognition after long, loyal service- and if you want that, you should strive for it. But don’t feel like you have to do it to be a real adult or anything. By my standards, you’re way ahead of me or Daehoon or anyone like that. It’s okay to take a break, you’re already doing a lot. At work, and as the emotional heart of a group of young men who each have their own problems they grapple with.”  

Junhee rocks forward on his knees- work pants cleanliness be damned- and pokes Byeongkwan in the forehead. “What made you such a wizened sage??”

“Born this way,” he says back with a cheeky grin. 

“You kinda just said a bunch of really sweet stuff that altered my world view. Would a hug be too much for this moment?” He does not want to make the kid uncomfortable.

But it is something other than discomfort in Byeongkwan’s gaze when he meets his gaze. His eyes widen, and looking almost overcome, he says, “Can we?” 

Oh, the poor dear must be touch starved. Junhee throws his arms around him in one of his patented tight embraces, and he squeezes. Byeongkwan cries out, “oof,” but he lets himself be encompassed and raises his own hands to Junhee’s back in return. 

—---- 

Yuchan knows he is pouting when he sits across from Byeongkwan at the restaurant table. The hyungs are still stuffing their buffet plates as high as they will go, so he levels his closest-in-age friend with a hard stare.

The other sighs. “Look, I promise I’ll load more on my plate the second go-around. It was already a lot for me to agree to let you guys treat me to lunch, you know?”

“It’s not that. Though, yes, you absolutely need to eat more. I keep hearing from the others how you’re bonding with all of them. Weren’t you my friend first? Why are all of them stealing you from me?”

Here, Byeongkwan snorts. “They never could, Channie.”

He deflates. “I know. I’m great, after all. And you’re great, too, so I should give them the opportunity to experience that without hogging you.” 

“You can hog me after lunch, if you want?”

Yuchan’s sulk clears up, and his grin becomes pronounced. “You’re right- it’s the weekend! I don’t have work today! I can do whatever!” Groaning about being gainfully employed is probably not the move when Byeongkwan has no career avenues nor way to support himself- yet he takes Yuchan’s complaining in stride. 

Yuchan really wants to boast about what an amazing friend he has made. 

“How is work going, anyway?” Byeongkwan probes this part gently. Yuchan knows he has been privy to his struggles fitting into his new position. 

He breathes out like he could expel all his worries with his exhale. “It’s… going. It just feels like every time I make some progress, I screw up something else or piss off someone else and remind myself I’m floundering. I would not be surprised if I fail. Like I’m just running on a treadmill that will shoot me off at any moment if I keep trying.”

Byeongkwan hikes up his shoulders and gives off a glare with all the intimidation factor or a mewling kitten. The more abrasive gesture is when he reaches across the table to smack Yuchan’s forehead.

“Hey!”

“I didn’t raise a quitter!” 

Yuchan whines and rubs his forehead, although it doesn’t hurt. “You didn’t raise me at all, we met, like, a couple months ago. Please don’t tell me you’re going to pretend to be my older brother, too- I already have Jiham, and Junhee always says he’s my brother, and I’ve even caught Sehyoon doing it at times.” 

Byeongkwan settles back in his chair with a content smile. “Exactly. Do you see how many people are on your side? You have a safety network no matter what happens with your job. I never did.”

“Oh…” Yuchan feels it like a punch in his gut. Look at him complaining that maybe his charmed life won’t work out as he hoped, to someone whose life has gone in some of the worst directions it could.

“I don’t say that to make you feel bad, or to make it sound like your problems don’t matter. But it might help to have the perspective- the truth is that there are people who will be there for you through hard times and easy times. They will stick it out with you if you decide to keep on a difficult path. They will support you if things go up in flames. And I have them now, too, thanks to you. Because you are such a bright person, people gravitate to you. Not just as Jiham’s little brother, but as their friend. 

“Anyhow, you are so gungho and relentless in everything you do, including befriending me. Even if there are setbacks, you would never give in until you were satisfied with yourself and what you had done. Don’t carry the stress alone. Everything will work out, or you will MAKE it work out.”

It is Yuchan’s turn to reach across the table. He pinches his cheek. “You’re kind of stupid nice, you know? Why can’t you ever believe in yourself the way you seem to believe in me and the others?”

And this is the moment that the hyungs finally return from stacking plates designed to stuff their faces. Jiham seems to overhear the comment about ‘not believing in himself’ and levels Byeongkwan with his patented concerned stare. Sehyoon, meanwhile, takes note of Byeongkwan’s pinched cheek and makes a big show of knocking Yuchan’s hand off and saying with a lighthearted air, “There’s no need to attack each other, I grabbed enough pudding cups for everyone.”

Junhee verbally comments on the exchange they had briefly witnessed the end of, because he says, “I’m raring for a fight, though, if anyone dares to say anything negative about Kwannie! I’ll go after anyone who ever made you doubt yourself.” 

A beautiful grin splits across Byeongkwan’s face at the group’s antics. Yuchan smiles as well, feeling glad. Reassured regarding his own troubles, and uplifted at all of them being able to lift their friend’s spirits. 

—----

Byeongkwan holds the small flip phone in his hands like the precious lifeline it is. 

“Ugh, the customers today were a pain in the ass. Kept trying to haggle, like I’m not giving them top of the line shit.” Daehoon enters Byeongkwan’s doorless room without preamble as usual and flumps onto the lumpy beanbag. “What do you have there?”

“Nothing, just my pager.” His heart is beating a mile a minute. He is glad he thought to have the pager Daehoon gave him out- it made it easy to slip the phone into his pocket and trick the eye. He considers it a little miracle. Daehoon gave him the pager so they could stay in contact, but having a real, slightly more modern form of communication with which he can reach the others- it feels like a dream. 

At this point, Daehoon hums and turns over to face away from him. He grumbles a bit more seeming too exhausted to continue. 

Byeongkwan’s thoughts return to the device burning a hole in his pocket. And how it came to be in his possession.

“It has just been collecting dust in my drawer for years since I got a smartphone. It might as well get used. Then we can stay in touch, too.” Jiham had offered it up so nonchalantly, like it was no trouble at all. It can’t be THAT casual, however. Byeongkwan has not had a cell before, so he doesn’t know much about them, but he suspects the gift took more preparation than how Jiham made it sound. After all, don’t you have to pay for phone lines? Yet, the flip phone turned on immediately, has signal, and makes texts and calls just fine. Like Jiham set it all up for him. 

He chances a look down at his phone while Daehoon is distracted. He instinctually hides it from the man. He doesn’t think Daehoon would like knowing about Byeongkwan’s new friends.

From Junhee: <getting enuf sleep these days? this is an artist I really like, could make for a nice lullabye playlist> 

From Sehyoon: <Have you given any more thought to what we talked about?> 

He bites his lip. It is nice to hear from them. But when they allude to his circumstances, when they sound so concerned for him, he balks. They have reiterated it a few times. That they want to help him get out of all of this. That they want to help him recover from his drug issues, get away from Daehoon, find honest work, become a new man. Every time they bring it up, he finds some way to subtly shut it down. It’s not that he wants to refuse them, but…

“Don’t you want that? To get clean, to gain the confidence to not go back?” 

“More than anything. But…”

“But you feel indebted to Daehoon. And you’re not comfortable accepting.” Yuchan reads him so well. Though he doesn’t look happy about it. “I’m sure you’ve learned, with your uncle and with Daehoon, that help always comes with expectations.” Here, he shivers. “I don’t want to imply what sort of things you’ve been forced to do in exchange for ‘kindness’ before. But it’s not what this is. You deserve basic decency. We want to help you simply because we want to help you. Just like you’ve helped each of us as our friend.”

The conversation comes back to him. It isn’t easy to listen to words that fly in the face of all he has learned, in direct defiance of what he has been taught all his life. Yet, it sounds so tempting to confront that worldview. To have faith in something better.

With people like Jiham, Yuchan, Junhee, and Sehyoon nearby, it almost feels possible.

—----

Ironically, trials have taught Jiham much about human psychology, even as the situation he is now applying that knowledge to very much skirts around illegal activity. 

When Byeongkwan shows up at the park they have made their usual meeting spot, he is very clearly coming down from a high. The physical aftereffects are evident, as is the glazed and self-loathing look that he has realized is characteristic in Byeongkwan’s eyes every time he sobers up from his fix. 

Jiham doesn’t push. If he pressures Byeongkwan too much, he will disappear. He and the others can say they want to help him until they’re blue in the face, but it won’t mean anything if Byeongkwan doesn’t want that help. If he’s afraid of letting himself have it.

The most Jiham can hope for at the moment is to make Byeongkwan’s moments outside of that life as pleasant as possible. For him and the others to be good friends to him. 

“The others aren’t coming?” 

“They are- a bit later.” 

Byeongkwan hums and starts walking. He seems comforted somewhat from his sour mood by the little forest path branching off from the park’s main area. He reaches up to touch the leaves of a tree with one hand. “Nature is so calming to be around, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees. He does think it will be relaxing to stroll through the thicket of woods together. He is glad that Byeongkwan no longer feels like he is just Yuchan’s tag-along, that he seems to enjoy hanging out with each of them even individually and accepts that they know all view him as a friend. 

So they walk. Byeongkwan is relatively quieter than usual, quite likely the result of his comedown. Jiham prays he doesn’t crash out of sheer exhaustion soon. The others never like when their talkative, energetic Byeongkwan becomes despondent. 

Said others arrive at the park just as they are finishing the trail. 

“Kwannie!” Junhee races forward and wraps up their newest friend in a hug. 

“What am I, chopped liver?” Jiham regrets his sass about three seconds later, when Junhee releases Byeongkwan in order to wrap Jiham up in a tight hug. He is sure he turns about three shades of red at the close contact, and that brat Yuchan snickers at him. 

“Let’s walk to the town center. I bet there are some bad movies playing,” Sehyoon suggests.

“Don’t you mean good movies?” Byeongkwan blinks.

“No, I mean bad.” 

Byeongkwan shrugs and falls into step alongside him. The group make their way, past storefronts and cafes that look very inviting even though everyone already ate. Byeongkwan seems to drink in every sight, like he hasn’t taken much time to amble through the town before (and he probably hasn’t had that luxury). 

There is one spot in particular that seems to catch his eye.

“What’s this?” 

“The playhouse! They put on all sorts of shows here.” Yuchan gestures to the marquee and then the posters underneath indicating their season’s programming. 

Byeongkwan looks transfixed by the display. “I’ve never seen a play before.” 

“We could get tickets!” Junhee offers brightly. 

But Byeongkwan snaps out of it long enough to shift from foot to foot. “No, you guys buy me too many things already. I refuse.” 

Junhee exchanges dissatisfied glances with Junhee. Byeongkwan had been so excited by the prospect of the playhouse. Yet he dismisses to entertain even the idea of indulging in what was a very passionate response. 

Sehyoon has been quiet throughout their brief stop. The look in his eye is one his friends can recognize as his ‘contemplative’ face.

He appears to be going for a ‘completely offhanded’ kind of vibe when next he speaks. “You guys know my grandpa runs the hardware store down by the train station? He’s really getting up there in the years, but when I tell him he should hire some help, he claims he’s not that old yet. I wish I could help him, but I’m too busy with work.” 

Here, he turns to Byeongkwan.

“BK, if it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could stop by there some days and help him out? I’d pay you, just like an employee, but you’d just have to tell my grandpa that you’re my friend so he doesn’t protest the help.” 

Byeongkwan stares back. “I- That’s your money, though. You don’t need to pay me, I don’t do anything during the day most of the time so I can do it for free-”

Sehyoon raising one hand stops the younger boy’s rambling. “Of course I should, you’d be doing a job. You shouldn’t work for nothing. If I hired somebody else, I’d be paying them anyway, but this way you’d be doing me a favor because my grandpa won’t let me actually put up a listing or help wanted sign. He’d only accept it as just one of my friends dropping by to lend a hand.”  

Byeongkwan looks so young when his eyes open wide and he pouts out his cheeks like he is trying to not get choked up. “Are you sure?”

A fierce nod.

He reaches out a hand to take Sehyoon’s in his, and then he starts aggressively swinging their arms. “You’re so kind. If you’re really okay with me, and if I can actually help, I’d love to.” 

Jiham finds the corners of his lips quirking up. Junhee and Yuchan are smiling, too. A huge part of his dependence on this ‘Daehoon’ guy stems from the fact that Byeongkwan cannot support himself. Finding work with his history would also not be easy. But at least this small, informal way he can make some money of his own? The thought alone seems to invigorate him.

The happiness is contagious.

—----

“Well, you definitely can’t take fashion advice from JUN-hyung.”

“Yah, brat, don’t be rude to your elders!!” Junhee has not delivered a noogie to Yuchan in all too long, it seems. It has allowed his mischievous dongsaeng to get brazen.

“Junhee-hyung is very stylish!” Byeongkwan protests on his behalf.

“Yeah, he’s handsome. It’s Sehyoon who is the fashion disaster,” Jiham counters.

Junhee preens even more at Jiham’s compliments, while Sehyoon appears unbothered at being thrown under the bus. “Aw, thanks, Ji, you’re pretty good looking yourself.”

“Can you two flirt on your own time? This first paycheck is burning a hole in my pocket.”

Junhee smiles back at Byeongkwan. He is glad he feels more comfortable joking around with them now. And that he had even articulated his own desires when asked what he would do with the first legitimate wages earned in his life. 

“I kind of… want nicer clothes? Like, something not ratty or dirty. An outfit that doesn’t smell like a drug den, or that fits better than the handmedown rags that were left lying around there. Or… or not ‘sexy’ stuff Daehoon bought me with an ulterior motive.”

The reminder of what Byeongkwan’s life has been like is sobering. How something as simple as shopping for clothes, buying something to his own taste, is a big deal for him. How he has never taken pride in it before, having no choice in what scraps he gets, or when he is objectified, used for other people’s pleasure.

They will not let that trend continue. None of them would stand for it. Instead, they will make sure he is able to enjoy his day trying things on and getting their opinions.

“You picked out a lot of light blue items,” Sehyoon remarks. When Byeongkwan blinks back at him, he is quick to add, “It looks good on you! It’s a nice choice, brings out your eyes.”

“Thanks. It’s my favorite color.” And he smiles and resumes twirling in a circle. It is endearing, like a little fashion show. The diva even walks down the store hallway like a pseudo runway and poses at the end as if he were a model. 

“You should think about getting some lifts. Then I won’t tower over you so much,” Yuchan teases.

“You’re not even that tall.” He lifts one socked foot like he means to kick Yuchan, all while Jiham glances back apologetically at the dressing room attendant as though to promise they will not actually start fighting or cause trouble. 

“It’ll get colder soon. You should really grab a scarf and gloves while we’re here!”

Byeongkwan meets Junhee’s gaze and rolls his eyes, though he cannot hide a soft, pleased smile. “Yes, mom.” 

Junhee weighs this in his head. “Hmm. Here I thought I was gaining another bratty little brother, but I guess I’ve adopted a son instead.” 

“You are all so obnoxious,” Jiham says with a long-suffering sigh. But he is then ducking out into the store’s main area and returning with multiple coats piled on his arm. “Try these next- they’re all the latest trend, I swear.” 

He is just as eager to be involved as the rest of them. That’s why this kooky group works so well. Their wackiness matches each other. 

Byeongkwan returns home that day with a few articles of clothing to his own taste, which is a win in Junhee’s book.

—----

Everyone’s being weird today. 

Byeongkwan looks down at the cryptic texts he has received from his friends, basically only explaining that they are meeting up at Jiham’s apartment today and to ‘wear that new shirt you got with the frills.’ No explanation of what they are doing. 

He has obeyed anyway. 

When Jiham lets him in, he is struck by many things in quick succession. First, all of the furniture has been rearranged since the last time he was here. Oddly, each chair, couch, and bookshelf now faces the same direction instead of each other. 

Second, the appearances of his friends. Sehyoon is in a suit jacket and tie, Yuchan has a tye-dye scarf tied around his head, Junhee has on a pair of lensless glasses Byeongkwan has never seen him wear… and Jiham himself, when he looks back at the man who let him in… is wearing a long blonde wig and a V-neck pink shirt? 

“Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on?” 

Sehyoon steps forward and presses a stapled stack of papers into his hand like it will explain everything. 

Ira Levin’s Deathtrap (1978) is emblazoned in italics across the front page. 

It is Junhee to actually use his words. “We know you really wanted to go see a play sometime, but that you wanted to buy a ticket yourself, and that it will take a while to save up for it. So… we thought of something else in the meantime?”

“Surprise! Jiham’s Living Room Production Studios brings you the very first performance of this famous murder-mystery-comedy, by up and coming talents Yuchan, Jiham, Junhee, Sehyoon- and incredible rising star Byeongkwan! We may be rookies, but we hope you’ll look kindly on us.” Yuchan directs this seemingly to the non-existent audience.

It clocks for Byeongkwan then. “You mean… you did all this-” he gestures to the makeshift ‘set’ and ‘costume’ pieces, and the script in his hand- “so we could put on a play together?” 

Jiham offers up a shy smile. “This one is supposed to be a lot of fun. It has a bunch of plot twists, so I figured it would be interesting to try to read and act it out without knowing what’s gonna happen in the scenes in advance.” 

So none of them even read it ahead of time? They would all be going into it blind, just having a strange, theatrical experience together?

A tear comes to his eye. “Whoa, save the crying for your performance!” Yuchan teases with a fond grin. 

Sehyoon comes in closer to offer him a tissue, and Byeongkwan ignores the tissue in favor of getting a warm hug instead.

He feels a hand in his hair and instantly knows it is Junhee. Another hand rubbing his back which must be Jiham. And when Yuchan says, “Let’s crush it,”-

Byeongkwan pulls away and responds with a cheeky smirk, “Let’s.”

…….

“So since it’s only a five person play, we don’t have to worry about double casting. I’ll be the writer, Ji is my wife, BK- you’re my old friend and accomplice, Sehyoon is the attorney, and Yuchannie is the meddling psychic.” 

“Of course you made Jiham-hyung your wife,” Yuchan remarks, only to be drowned out by Byeongkwan clutching the script tight to himself and saying:

“You guys really prepared a lot, huh? This seems like it’s going to be a blast.”

“That’s not all,” Sehyoon says. “There’s even some prop pieces.”

Byeongkwan’s grin stretches from ear to ear. His excitement and enthusiasm is matched at every step by the people around him, so that he no longer feels that this is an activity they undertook merely to indulge him, but one that they can mutually enjoy. 

He throws himself into the role with all the fervor he can manage.

As he waits ‘backstage’ (the kitchen) for his next entrance, his eyes scan his next set of lines. He starts sweating when he realizes the effects of his limited schooling have reared their ugly head.

“What’s wrong?” Yuchan whispers from beside him.

“I- I don’t know this word,” he admits, embarrassed. 

“…Oh, that’s pronounced ‘derivative.’ It basically means, like, copying someone else, not having any original ideas.” 

Byeongkwan nods in thanks. Not that he thought anyone would judge him for not understanding, but it is a bit of a relief to only have his gap in knowledge conveyed calmly to him.

It repeats mid-scene next time, when his character unleashes words like “sophomoric,” “banal,” and “anathema.” Each time, Jiham patiently expresses the word’s meaning to help Byeongkwan with delivering his lines. No one makes fun of him or acts bothered to pause the story to catch him up to speed. 

During one of his monologues, he spies Sehyoon standing off to the side, listening with full attention and with an admiring gaze. The way they are taking this seriously, giving him a moment to shine when he never even expected to be able to SEE a play, let alone be in one- it means so much.

He really loves his chemistry playing off of Junhee in all of their scenes together. The man seems as gungho about the material as Byeongkwan is steadily becoming. The play really is chock full of twists and a riot to follow along to. 

Not to mention the fact that the ones bringing it to life are Byeongkwan and his friends. The stilted line-reading of Sehyoon, the dramatic overacting of Jiham, the way Junhee and Yuchan put their all into it. Byeongkwan is obviously trying to hold back laughter in every scene, but he is loving it.

He cannot believe they did all this for him, merely because he expressed interest in the playhouse, but he knows it is already transforming into a memory he will never forget. 

—----

It is Junhee’s apartment they find themselves hanging at today, and Junhee is glad he has decided to let go of some of the perfectionism and needing to be a role model personality quirks which used to plague him more heavily, because:

Old him would have felt the need to clean the entire place and also prepare a million snacks and make sure he had a great playlist or the best streaming services queued up. Old him would have felt absolutely spent when the quintet merely ends up lying on the carpeted floor in a circle, gazing at the ceiling and chatting about life instead.

He doesn’t have to be drained now that he has loosened the reins somewhat and decided to relax in the presence of the others. He doesn’t need to be some amazing older brother figure. He can just be Jun, their friend. A realization that came in no small part thanks to Byeongkwan.

Byeongkwan who is the subject of their current conversation.

The discussion had started with lighter, more random topics, like if it was actually possible to bite your own finger off like it is a baby carrot (ouch) or if bugs can survive in the winter or if they hibernate (ew). Then, Sehyoon had been brave enough to broach a thought that had been dancing in the back of their minds.

“How are things going for you lately, Byeongkwannie?”

Yuchan had been able to follow up with, “Have you given more thought to what we offered?”

He and Jiham had remained silent, only turning their heads toward Byeongkwan to encourage him- while still waiting patiently, not pressuring him for an immediate answer. 

Indeed, Byeongkwan is silent for a long moment. When he does respond, he says, “...I would like to change my circumstances. If you all really think I can.”

Here, Junhee does interject. “We know you can. It’s not too late to turn things around.”

“We’d be here beside you every step of the way,” Jiham reminds him.

“Daehoon initially showed me such kindness. I feel indebted to him, since he saved me from a bad situation, since it is like I owe my life to him. I’ve always felt scared with what he does, and I know it’s wrong… But all I’ve done since he took me in is whatever he tells me.”

Yuchan rolls onto his side so he can face Byeongkwan. “You do not have to give up the rest of your life because he helped you before. Your life is your own.”

“You don’t belong to him, like you’re his pet,” Sehyoon agrees. “Wearing what you’re told, doing what you’re told, taking whatever substances you’re told… Even if it’s preferable to the street, could you really call that ‘saving your life’?”

Byeongkwan sits with the uncomfy thought for a minute. “No. It’s not like what you guys have done for me. You guys believe in me, like suggesting that I’m capable of a normal-person job, or studying, or whatever I wanna do. You think I could get over the addiction. But it’s not like you just look at me and see what’s wrong with me, either- you treat me like you want to get close to me. You hang out with me and goof off, and you get to know me. No one’s ever treated me like this before, like I’m someone worth spending time with. You don’t expect anything of me, either. You’re just being kind when you don’t have to be- when I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

“Don’t say that again,” Jiham cuts in, fierce. “Sorry. I know we’re supposed to, like, just let you say how you feel or whatever. But I hate hearing anyone say something like that about you, even if it’s you yourself. You are worth effort. You are a person, and a good one at that.”

“You’re a good friend to each of us,” Junhee states, confident, recalling all that has transpired between them up until this point. “If one of us struggled, you would expend every effort to help us. All we want is the chance to do that for you. Not just having to sit by while some guy involves you in crimes and hooks you on drugs so you can’t leave. The best relationships are the ones that happen when you choose each other- not ones where you literally are dependent on them and feel trapped.”

Byeongkwan reaches out a hand to interlock pinkies with Junhee. “I am learning that. Slowly. And since you all want to, and I want it, too, I’ll try not to feel like a burden. I think- I think I want to free myself from Daehoon.”

Yuchan begins to cry almost immediately. “I’m proud of you,” he says, but muffled against Byeongkwan’s shoulder, it is hard to make out. Sehyoon sits up and smiles down at Byeongkwan with immeasurable fondness. Junhee locks eyes with Jiham, which is how he knows the other is already in planning mode. Working through every outcome so that they can anticipate the pitfalls Byeongkwan will face and so that they can provide as much support as possible. He’s got such a gifted big brain, one that works so fast. 

Yeah- if it’s these five, Junhee believes they can tackle anything. Even dealers who have had their claws in their friend for years now, tearing into his flesh any time he dared to wish for better. But no more- not on their watch.

—----  

Sehyoon never particularly considered himself a dog person, but when Junhee and Byeongkwan showed the rest of them the way to the pooch they have dubbed Princess Peach-Rex (something about combining names he hadn’t really understood), he melts just like the others. After all, the happy pup immediately wags her tail upon seeing the newcomers. She hops her paws up onto the crouched legs of Yuchan and starts licking him. She gives off excited yips when Jiham gets closer, and she nuzzles her head into Sehyoon’s hand when he eventually pets her. 

Junhee’s signature dimples are on display as he observes the exchange. And Byeongkwan looks content as well.

It is as peaceful an atmosphere as it can be when Byeongkwan admits:

“I’ve thought a lot about what you guys were saying. How you think I could strive for more, or at least aim to get over the difficulties I face now- and that the situation I’m in is not the best. After you all giving me a taste of how the future could be, I- don’t really feel comfortable going back to Daehoon. Feeling… stuck there.”

“Then you don’t have to,” Junhee insists.

“But- what about the drugs?” He lowers his voice, but they can still hear the anxious wobble in it.  

“We’ll help you find a safe way to detox.” Jiham’s assurances seem to do their job. Byeongkwan’s shoulders relax some.

Sehyoon’s hand finds its way to that same shoulder, rubbing Byeongkwan’s back in much the same way as his other hand pets Princess Peach-Rex. Yuchan gets in on the close affection as well, and Sehyoon is pretty sure he doesn’t imagine that their youngest even presses a peck into Byeongkwan’s hair. 

…..

They’re in that park Jiham and Yuchan like so much when it happens. Sometimes the three childhood friends (although two of them are brothers) just congregate and reminisce on old times. They are not consciously excluding Junhee and Byeongkwan- Junhee is coming later because he is finishing something up at work, and Byeongkwan isn’t supposed to be by yet either.

But-

“BK! What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” It is Jiham to catch Byeongkwan with grounding hands on his shoulders after the man practically barrels over to the trio’s spot on a bench. 

He takes in a few greedy lungfuls while getting his breath back from the run. Eventually, he gasps out, “I told Daehoon. It didn’t go over well. He got angry, and I got out of there.” 

Jiham turns the arms on shoulders into a proper hug. Byeongkwan releases a shuddering breath and seems to calm at the contact. 

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll help you, like we said we would,” Yuchan insists, although he sounds a little frazzled himself. Fair enough. They had thought they would have more time to prepare for the task of liberating Byeongkwan. They’re a bit off guard at the thought it is happening now, and that an enraged drug dealer is very unhappy with the thought of Byeongkwan leaving his side, and that all they know about a person going through drug withdrawal is research that comes in the form of words on a webpage. 

“I’m going to text Junhee so he knows to hurry up,” Sehyoon mutters. He does not want to interrupt the moment- merely reassure that they will soon all be united by Byeongkwan’s side.

Junhee isn’t long after that. He practically attaches himself to Byeongkwan’s other side, so that he is basically sandwiched between Junhee and Jiham. 

From there, other conversations take place. 

“I’m scared. I can feel the symptoms coming, but I must be imagining it. It shouldn’t start this soon. I- I only usually get one dose a day anyway. My body shouldn’t be expecting it yet.” 

Sehyoon winces. He is not sure if psychological triggers can intensify cravings prematurely, but in either case, they will need to get Byeongkwan somewhere safe soon to ride this out. 

“We should use my apartment,” Jiham says. “It will be familiar, since he’s been there before.” 

Sehyoon shakes his head. “You work in law, Ji. You shouldn’t implicate yourself anymore than you are already. We can go to mine.” 

Before the argument has time to escalate, Byeongkwan cuts in. Sehyoon is worried he will refuse both of them in the name of not ‘troubling them,’ but what he says instead is, “Sehyoon-hyung is right. And- And if you’re really okay offering it, then I’m okay with your place. I think it will feel familiar as long as you guys are there with me.”

Sehyoon believes they all know and believe the adage that home is not a place but people. He has experienced it himself, after all. Still, knowing that they are that source of comfort to Byeongkwan makes him feel warm.

…..

They call off work, cashing in their vacation times. It would not be feasible for all of them to miss work for the multiple days it could take for Byeongkwan to overcome the initial withdrawal period, nor the following period in which they help him avoid a relapse. Yet, they have done what they can and at least ensured that two of them will be present at a given time as Byeongkwan flushes the poisons out of his system. Sehyoon even convinced his grandfather to close the store for a few days and rest in the absence of his new dedicated helper, although he of course did not disclose the reason Byeongkwan would be unavailable. 

The first 24 hours are not too awful. 

Relatively speaking, that is.

Because while no major physical symptoms present themselves, it is somewhat jarring to see a man they have come to know as a ball of sunshine, in spite of his circumstances, take a downturn. 

“You seem pretty restless. Do you wanna… maybe watch a movie?” Yuchan’s best efforts at reaching Byeongkwan seem to fall on deaf ears. The man paces while nibbling on his nails. 

“Remember to hydrate,” Jiham says, when he manages to press a handkerchief into Byeongkwan’s hands to help him combat the sweating that has started. Sehyoon’s eyes narrow on the way he swings his arms in a circle as though to stretch them- no shaking yet, but perhaps the muscle aches he read about have started. 

“You should eat something small,” Junhee tells him when he gets him to sit at the table, although the nervous bobbing of his leg does not stop. 

“I know, dad.” Compared to the fond way he had called Junhee mom in the past, his tone now carries quite a bit more bite. Fair enough- they had known to expect agitation and irritability. 

They monitor him for any of the worst that could plague him, such as confusion, hallucinations, seizures- anything that might make it clear this not a problem they can handle themselves but something they would unfortunately need to report to relevant medical authorities. Thankfully, no such signs present as of yet. 

It is when they get into the next couple days when things swerve decidedly for the worst.

The nausea has been with Byeongkwan since the first day, but it is when Junhee and Yuchan are both at work, and Jiham has crashed on the couch after staying up with an insomniac Byeongkwan, that he begins puking his guts out. Sehyoon watches with sympathy as the younger man vomits into his toilet bowl. Every time he leans back, Sehyoon swoops in with a cloth to dab at his mouth and wipe his face. Then he goes in for another round. 

It is while he is patting at Byeongkwan that he registers the other is shivering. “Do you have chills again?”

A murmured whine acts as a “yes.” 

His body is going through the ringer too much to keep down any food, and Yuchan has been holding onto the electrolyte-filled Gatorades he stockpiled to hydrate Byeongkwan as though they were the miracle lifeblood which would cure him, just as soon as he is recovered enough to drink the ‘liquid gold.’ 

Jiham’s clear broths have also not managed to stay in Byeongkwan’s system. Even his small sips of the attempt at nutrition cause his body to reject the sustenance. 

“Let me help you back to bed,” he says once it seems to have passed for now. He does not neglect to set a trashcan down by his mattress, however. He lays a blanket over top of Byeongkwan’s hunched up form. He looks smaller than ever. Sehyoon sits with him and squeezes his hand.

Then there is the psychological aspect of it. Sehyoon knows it has been taxing on all of them. The way intense cravings rack Byeongkwan. The desperation, the bargaining, the depression- all of it speaking to how severe his condition is as he faces this down. He knows this is meant to be the worst phase, but it feels too cruel- what Byeongkwan is subjected to because of the actions of someone who got him addicted to a habit-forming substance, the way his body depends upon what he has consumed every day for years ever since he was a minor. 

He hears a rattling sound by the bedroom door. Seems like Jiham is up. In his hands, he holds two pill bottles. “Ibuprofen for the pain, and melatonin to help him sleep,” he explains. He places them down on the counter.

At least fatigue has done its job for now, as Byeongkwan already seems to be dozing off. The crash from exertion he experiences lead to the only fitful bouts of rest he has gotten in days. 

Sehyoon lowers his volume accordingly. “Junhee still texting every three minutes?”

Jiham nods. “And Yuchan every two minutes. I told them both they’ll get fired if they stay so distracted.”

“Well, they can both be here when their shifts are done. And Junhee’s off tomorrow, so he can stay with Byeongkwan all day.” He is sure Yuchan is pouting that his ‘shift’ of sorts will not be until the following day. 

“Alongside you. Still can’t believe you insisted on using all of your time off for this.”

Sehyoon holds on tighter to Byeongkwan’s pale, limp hand. “I would be too worked up if I left his side.” 

And so the two men merely watch as their friend experiences the first instance in days of what is at least some small measure of peace. 

…..

“Kwannie…”

“You don’t need to s-soften it, I know I ruined my life! -hic- Why is this so hard?? Why can’t I just- just get past this!” 

Sehyoon watches as Yuchan crowds Byeongkwan into his hold. He tucks the older man’s head against his chest and rests his chin atop the crown of Byeongkwan’s hair. He looks every bit the hyung in this situation. “Don’t say that. Your life isn’t ruined, it’s just getting started.” 

“This is the hardest part,” Junhee emphasizes, “But you are getting through that. It wasn’t your fault that this started, but it is because of you that you’ll be able to move on.” 

Jiham tuts as Byeongkwan surely dehydrates himself further as he sobs uncontrollably. This emotional outbursts have not been uncommon in the last two days. It is the weekend, which means that at least they are all here to witness and help as he breaks down. 

“It’s- -hic- hopeless. I can’t even function sober.” 

“This is temporary,” Jiham reminds him. He doesn’t push further, knowing that a lecture or arguing logic would do little while Byeongkwan is spiraling. Through dilated pupils, his anxious gaze flits between each of his friends but never settles in any one spot. 

Sehyoon rubs his back almost like Byeongkwan is a baby. And at times it feels like it. He never got to experience a normal childhood. He was raised by someone who hurt him, was cast out onto the street. Was taken in by someone who used him. Never got to finish school, attend sleepover parties, take his driver’s license test, chill out with friends on his birthday. He was robbed of so many formative milestones. It does not feel unwarranted to shower him with the care he missed out on now. It feels deserved. And long overdue. He is grown, but the inner kid in him still cries out for a loving family.

They will be that family for him.

—----

Jiham would like to swear that he is not a very physically affectionate person, but those closest to him keep proving him wrong. Yuchan is too adorable a baby brother, of course, to keep from wrapping him up in hugs at random times- ones he sometimes protests but mostly returns with double the enthusiasm. There’s the little sparks of electricity he gets when he brushes hands with Junhee or leans against him which keep him coming back for more jolts of “happenstance.” Sehyoon’s shoulders are too stupidly broad to prevent him from resting his head on them at times.

And, as of late, Jiham’s hand keeps finding its way into Byeongkwan’s hair fully without permission. Now, too, he rouses Byeongkwan from where he has been napping against Jiham’s apartment table by scratching lightly at the nape of his neck. 

His eyes take only a moment to blink into awareness, no longer cloudy, which is a good sign of his recovery. He has already gone over a week without a hit, and he seems to be past the worst of it. To the point where they’ve deemed him no longer needing constant supervision- not that they have actually left him alone since. But they have managed to separate from the cocoon that was Sehyoon’s apartment. And even removed from the bubble, Byeongkwan has remained clean.

He has not gone back to Daehoon.

He has stayed over at their apartments, trying not to feel like a burden. The pager that man gave Byeongkwan goes off intermittently. They urged Byeongkwan to take the batteries out, yet he resists, “in case there is an emergency and he really needs me.” The complicated feelings that persist make sense. It would be impossible for them to ask him to expel all lingering affection toward the guy.

With the way things are going, they all seem confident in him. It had not been an easy journey, but he had managed to go from daily doses of a harmful, addictive substance to over a week straight with nothing. He only improves by the day. He no longer twitches and paces. He is able to think of the future instead of getting stuck in the now. 

“Thank you all so much. Seriously. I don’t know how I can express everything you have done for me.”

Their attempts to deflect his shows of gratitude only make him more excessive in expressing it, so they just accept as gracefully as they can. Some of them are more graceful than others. Sehyoon gives a quiet nod with the tips of his ears turning bright red. Yuchan grins and returns the thanks. Junhee breaks into nervous giggles like he unsure what to say. Jiham himself usually stammers and struggles to avoid eye contact. He is not used to such blatant displays of appreciation. He and his friend groups’ love for one another usually manifests in actions rather than verbal statements. Yet Byeongkwan seems fully comfortable doing both. 

Since all is going so well, of course, that is when things must take a turn.

“That was NOT one sip, Sehyoon- if you wanted a strawberry smoothie, you should have ordered one yourself.” Jiham is so busy bickering with his friend that he nearly misses Junhee at his side stealing his own taste of Jiham’s drink.

Nearly. 

“You, too?”

“C’mon, you know you would let Yuchan take as much as he wanted.”

“Or BK, you have such a soft spot for the young’uns.” Sehyoon gangs up on him alongside Junhee.

Jiham wants to protest this, but the trio of them are about to reunite with the other two where they left them waiting at the outside table, and he expects his bravado would be immediately tested and disproven. 

Yet, the sight they are greeted with when they actually make it outside sends a shiver down his spine.

There is a man leering over his baby brother and his friend. Yuchan has Byeongkwan in his arms like he is shielding him, although Yuchan himself also appears quite scared. Not so much as Byeongkwan, though, who is hiding his entire face with shoulders hiked up under his ears.

Jiham makes it over there in three big steps. Junhee and Sehyoon are quick to march in behind him. 

He catches the tail end of what the guy is growling while standing over his dongsaengs. “-thought you could just leave?? You belong to me.”

“He belongs to himself!”

It takes about two seconds for it to register who this unwanted presence must be. Sehyoon immediately stands between who they presume to be Daehoon and their younger friends. 

Daehoon sneers when he registers there are more obstacles in his path. He stands up straight and levels Sehyoon with a withering glare. His scowl soon slides past to transfer to Jiham and Junhee, who are each standing ramrod straight with all of their best intimidation tactics. It is not fully an act. Jiham truly does feel threatening- even murderous- when faced with the person who took advantage of Byeongkwan in such a way. The one they had to help him recover from. 

Before they can say anything or before Daehoon can, Byeongkwan speaks. “You don’t own me, Daehoon. I don’t know how you found me here, but I’m standing by what I said to you when I left. I meant it. I’m done with that life.”

The man’s face turns an impressive shade of red. “I decide when you’re done!! Is this how you repay me for all I’ve done for you? Spit in my face?!”

Junhee snarls right back. “Whatever good you think you’ve done him, it doesn’t erase the bad. If you truly cared for him, you would support him turning his life around. You would want this for him.”

Jiham wholeheartedly agrees. Knowing how Byeongkwan has transformed from the scared kid who ducked into alleyways and hid, who didn’t know his worth if he wasn’t serving someone, who didn’t even know his own interests because he never had the luxury to explore them, who was so alone outside of the person who taught him to ruin his own body… The confident and kind friend that now stands tall against one of his many abusers in life seems so strong. His journey to get here so earned. 

When he gets in closer, Jiham can smell alcohol on this Daehoon’s breath. Daehoon acts like the others are not even there, like they are just bugs underneath his feet. He leans around them to address Byeongkwan directly. 

“Come on. You think any of these pansies could score you the stuff? You may feel fine now, but you know you will be craving it again soon. You need me.” 

Sehyoon shoves him back when he gets a bit too close. Jiham sincerely hopes this altercation will not turn physical. Not that he would mind wailing on the dude while they outnumber him- (legal profession be damned, he is protective of his people)- but they are very much still in a public location, and some people from a distance are starting to stare. Not to mention the potential for one of his friends to be hurt in the ensuing confrontation.

Byeongkwan releases Yuchan’s hands over the younger’s protests so that he can stand before Daehoon. “I don’t need you anymore. Or the ‘stuff.’ You can try to tempt me, but I’m moving on from that chapter. …Some part of me will always be grateful to you for taking me in, but that part of my life is over now. I can depend on myself. Get a job, get a diploma, get friends who don’t only want to use me. I’m already halfway there,” he says through an assured smile. 

It seems this is not what Daehoon wanted to hear. Whether it is the influence of the alcohol or some drug in his system or something he was always capable of deep down if he thought he was losing control over someone he considered his- Daehoon roars. And then he lunges. 

Even though they had each been standing at attention as though an attack might occur, it happens so suddenly that they are all caught off guard. Daehoon manages to bodily push past Jiham and Junhee. Sehyoon engages him, but he stumbles on his own feet over the sheer force with which Daehoon charges forward. Sehyoon soon ends up tripping over himself to stay upright as well. 

The advance leaves him in front of Byeongkwan and Yuchan. Byeongkwan has his arm out to keep Yuchan behind him, though it seems Daehoon has little interest in Yuchan. Because he merely white-knuckle grasps Byeongkwan’s shirt collar in his fist. 

He rears his arm back. Byeongkwan closes his eyes. Jiham’s sense came back to him just in time to rush ahead. He grapples at Daehoon’s wound-up arm with both of his own. Junhee is soon tackling from Daehoon’s other side. It is messy and a lot more flailing than it is an effective grip. Daehoon swings around in their hold and gets one hand free long enough to twist his fingers through Junhee’s hair. Sehyoon joins the fray in time to get elbowed in the ribs by a still turning Daehoon. 

Yuchan races past Byeongkwan’s protective arm to join their attempts at restraining the angry man. He helps Jiham to try and manhandle Daehoon’s arms behind his back. As they do so, Junhee sweeps Daehoon’s leg to force him to his knee, and Sehyoon quickly takes advantage of this posture to press his own weight down against Daehoon’s legs.

Daehoon truly must be on something, because he has way too much strength for a guy pinned down on all sides by four men. He thrashes around this way and that. They have him subdued for now, but they are not sure how much longer they can maintain it. Heaven can only hope he doesn’t have a weapon hidden on his person that he will be able to wield if he gets enough leeway.

“BK! The cops! Call the cops!” It is Yuchan who yells it out.

Jiham knows Byeongkwan might feel conflicted about contacting the authorities given his history with Daehoon- even if he currently poses a danger to him and his friends.

But Byeongkwan surprises him by raising his phone to his ear. While muttering, “It’s the right thing to do.” 

He makes short work of the phone call. Whatever stimulants Daehoon is on must be wearing off, as he loses the energy to keep fighting gradually as they continue. Good. The friends were getting pretty exhausted themselves. 

Once he hangs up after giving the police their location, Byeongkwan comes in closer to help. He finds a free space in between Junhee, who looks at him with pride, and Sehyoon, who gazes at him with something close to empathy. This must be hard for him. After growing up with a guardian who would hurt him when displeased, Daehoon became his entire world. Now that same person also tried to hit him, to counter his independence and self-respect with violence. Now he had to report that same person he felt so in debt to. 

Byeongkwan continues to demonstrate an inordinate amount of care. Because now, while faced with the limp form of his savior-slash-tormentor, a defeated look on Daehoon’s face, Byeongkwan says: “You approached me that day not just to have a helper, but because I reminded you of yourself, right?”

Silence. No one dares interrupt him, not even Daehoon.

“Someone who was abused, someone who was forced onto the streets. You’re addicted, too, and you don’t think there’s another way- but there is. I hope you can be rehabilitated, and that you realize you can be a positive force in society.”

Daehoon offers one last guttural growl, vestiges of defiance peeking through. Yet Byeongkwan looks content. Like he believes that turning Daehoon is actually the way he can repay the guy who helped him in the past.

The officers show with considerable speed. Jiham supposes an incident in a community park would certainly draw a response, especially when the individual suspect involved was allegedly attacking people and operating under the influence of drugs. They are handcuffing Daehoon in quick order after that and chatting amongst themselves as they detain him in their vehicle. 

They are but a short distance away, and surely the police will soon be questioning them for their statements. So they have only a small window with which to discuss this.

Byeongkwan whispers, “I understand if you guys aren’t comfortable saying so after what he did to you, but I plan to advocate that they mandate a treatment facility as part of his sentence.” 

Yuchan shuffles from side to side. Anxious eyes blown open wide. “But won’t you get in trouble? If you say everything?” 

“I’ll admit my own wrongdoings up front. That’s the proper, adult way to handle it.” 

Junhee is quick to interject. “You were a minor, and you were coerced- that has to count for something, right?” He looks to Jiham. 

Sehyoon nods. “You were the victim, not a perpetrator.”

Jiham answers their desperation with assurances. “It will definitely be taken into consideration. Your life will not be over because of this. I won’t let it.” 

—----

Yuchan is so glad that they did not just judge Byeongkwan for circumstances beyond his control. If they had, they never would have gotten to know a great friend with a good heart.

“How was the counseling?” He asks Byeongkwan when he returns from his session.

“Really good, actually. I think it’ll help me stay on the straight and narrow.” 

“Thank God,” Junhee remarks. “We tried our best, but we’re not exactly professionals.” It is true that weaning Byeongkwan off was a difficult affair, one less than ideal. Yet Byeongkwan has remained strong- even in the face of Daehoon promising him the drug earlier- and avoided a relapse. 

“And how are things with the check-ins?” Sehyoon asks, tone cautious the way it always is. It is especially appreciated given the sensitive subject matter.

Byeongkwan gives a thumbs up. “The supervisor is performing drug tests at random intervals. All of them have cleared me of continued use so far.” 

Required therapy and conducting the occasional test is the best outcome they could have hoped for, given that Byeongkwan had admitted to using drugs and assisting Daehoon in his operation at times. His confession and the situation behind his actions did grant him leniency. 

Jiham pulling every string he has helped as well. 

“So, how does it feel? Just living your life now?”

Now Byeongkwan’s thumb drops but a reverent smile overtakes his face. His expression looks so pleased even without a smile. “I really never imagined I could even dream of this, but it’s like it’s all coming true. Everything I wanted. They let me keep my employment at Sehyoon’s grandpa’s place, and I’m looking into finishing my GED and looking for another position that would accept me. It finally all seems possible.” 

Sehyoon explains, “When he saw how much easier it was with BK helping out, it finally convinced my stubborn Gramps to accept outside workers. When we find someone to relieve Kwannie of his duties, he can devote himself full time to finding what he wants to do.” 

“We need to celebrate.” Yuchan’s grin splits his face. 

“Cake, cake, cake!” Junhee starts chanting. Yuchan can already see that Jiham is mentally scouring his brain for the open hours and most available flavors of the closest bakeries. He cannot deny Junhee anything- yet he also must look forward to celebrating the close to this fraught chapter in the friend group’s lives.

“I won’t say no to cake,” Byeongkwan starts, “But it won’t only be for me. I know you guys have been focused on my stuff a lot lately, and I don’t even know how to start saying thank you for that. But you all have reasons to celebrate in your personal lives, too!” 

This much is true. Yuchan has recently made strides at his company. He was able to get some of his ideas into their latest marketing strategy, and he no longer gets asked to fetch coffees. Some of his colleagues still do not like him, but he does not need everyone’s approval. He only needs the people closest to him and assurance in himself. 

Sehyoon had shared with them his entry into a debate competition. They had been shocked and yet also happy when he explained the reasoning was wanting to gain more confidence in himself and speaking up about his own opinions. He invited them to the qualifying match, and none of them have ever heard him speak so much at once. Even he and Jiham, Sehyoon’s childhood friends.

Speaking of Jiham… he and Junhee had finally gotten themselves together as well. After watching Junhee fumble in frankly increasingly painful ways for months, it was Jiham who actually worked up the courage to ask Junhee out to dinner. Yuchan considers them the group’s honorary parents, so knowing his ship is sailing? Yeah, that is more than enough pretext to party.

And so they agree to divide amongst them the cake and the honor of being the cause for celebration.

———-

Junhee really likes his life right now. He has a friend whose hand he also gets to hold, who insufferably points out every plot hole in every show they watch together, but who notices every time Junhee is under the weather- taking care of him as is the Jiham-special. 

He has another friend who he can calmly coexist with one moment but who will pull the most bizarre, funniest shit the next- Sehyoon is all about quiet support and kind smiles until there is a lull in the conversation and then he cracks out the random horse facts and the failed juggling acts.

He has a dongsaeng who is equal parts bratty and a joy to be around, who skips into Junhee’s apartment like he owns it and who swears to be the world’s utmost talent at League of Legends but who is mysteriously busy every time Junhee actually tries to challenge Yuchan to a match.

He has another dongsaeng who reminds him of a late blooming flower who gradually opened and showed them his beautiful petals- a goofy man who snorts when he laughs and poses like a diva for every photo and brightens everyone’s day just by being around. That’s who Byeongkwan is to him.

———-

Jiham has had a lot of moments in life where he thought, “Oh, this is what love means.” 

He felt it when a young Yuchan cried in his arms, and he wiped those tears away and swore to burn the world to the ground if it ever dared hurt him. He felt it when his friend Sehyoon dropped by his apartment after a particularly shitty day with a bag of fried chicken, like he just knew, and they tossed a basketball back and forth between them like the world’s most riveting activity. He felt it when Junhee wormed his way under the blanket during movie night and said he was cold and Jiham physically felt it like he burrowed into his heart as well, like he would give him every last hoodie he owned if it kept him warm. And he felt it when he was tirelessly scouring job listings despite being happily gainfully employed and forwarding each promising opportunity to Byeongkwan. 

When someone consumes his thoughts, when someone is so important to him he cannot envision his world without them- Well, that is special.

———-

Sehyoon likes that he never knows what is coming. Some people thrive on routine, but Sehyoon thrives on nine PM texts from Junhee asking if he wants to go for a drive, on invitations to the most senseless of events Yuchan can think of like “60 day anniversary since the last time I cried in the break room,” on Jiham discovering a new passion of the week and infodumping about water polo on Sehyoon until he unloads an equal amount of facts about his own personal recent obsession. On impromptu eating challenge gauntlets with Byeongkwan who decides they absolutely must determine who can actually consume an entire turkey leg the fastest without choking. 

He wouldn’t trade any of that for ‘predictability’ or even stability. That stuff is overrated.

———-

Yuchan would not know where to start if asked to describe who he is.

Well, maybe he’d take a little inspiration from someone he knows and structure it like a play. The cast of characters- dashing young, energetic lead of course, who valiantly fights things like office deadlines and nosy older brothers. But then there are the others who have made him who he is. Said older brother, a stuffy yet kind man who has always been and will always be by his side. His tagalong Junhee who became just as much a big brother in Yuchan’s eyes, not that he will admit it out loud. Sehyoon, the secret goofball who makes Yuchan smile all the time. Byeongkwan, the latest addition to their circle, who Yuchan feels absolutely inseparable from. Oh, and an adorable mutt lovingly dubbed Princess Peach-Rex (Junhee eventually bit the bullet, brought her to the vet to get her shots and papers, and shelled out the pet fee to his apartment complex).

No play is complete without a setting- various backdrops of small apartments and pretty parks and crowded arcades and cafes. Nor props, like the book that each member of the friend group has borrowed in succession until Yuchan no longer remembers who it originally belongs to, among other things. The plot… Well, they already had quite the dramatic twists and turns. Yuchan would not mind a sort of aimless slice of life story after all that. 

He thinks they’ve earned that kind of chill happy ‘ending.’

———-

Byeongkwan stirs to heat. The sensation is explained when he blinks open bleary eyes to take in that Yuchan has fallen asleep curled against his side. That Byeongkwan himself is resting up against Sehyoon’s bare legs. That Junhee and Jiham are entangled over his lap.

The sleepover had not been planned, but somewhere after the third pizza devoured and the second gallon of soda demolished, food comas started kicking in. Well, most nights feel like a sleepover for him now, as he alternates between his friends' apartments for hangouts and continues looking and saving up a deposit for a place he could call his own. 

Byeongkwan has never had somewhere so comfy to sleep before. When he remembers nights in his past, he remembers worrying if his uncle will wake up enraged. He remembers the cold draft from his floor mattress as he tries to drown out the smells and the noises of Daehoon entertaining customers at all hours. He even remembers that, while in a real bed for the first time, he was in the throes of withdrawal. 

That stage of his life is in the rearview mirror, yet reminiscing on it makes the safety of the present day all the more stark. 

He won’t take these easy days for granted. Nor the people who make it so. He has a new chance to be who he wants to be, and he intends to reach it for it with both hands.