Chapter Text
Monday 17 March 1997
09:24 am
You’re staring.
You’re handsome.
Stop smiling like a daft git.
Can’t I be happy you’re back?
Why are you even here? It’s Monday. You never eat breakfast on Mondays.
Love is stronger than Mondays.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.
I’m uncomfortable about how pathetic and delusional you are.
Mmh, love when you talk dirty to me.
That’s a lovely shade of red on your cheeks.
Bugger off.
Alright.
I’m so happy you’re back, Draco.
09:12 pm
You avoided me all day.
You can’t possibly be surprised.
Why?
You bloody know why.
Look, I understand that you don’t want your friends to know about us, Draco… but you really have to be such a grumpy tosser?
Listen up now, Potter, because I won’t be repeating myself: I don’t want to see you, alright? I don’t want to meet you or talk to you, so stay away from me!
And yet, you’re still writing.
Keep being such a pain in the arse and I’ll quit writing too.
You’re lovely when you get angry.
I’m gonna murder you, I swear to Salazar.
You need to relax, Draco. I promise I’m not trying to pressure you. You told me you needed time and that’s fair, I won’t ask you on a date until you’re ready.
I’m just genuinely happy you’re back.
Try not to piss yourself from excitement. You’re a wizard, not a puppy.
I missed you a lot.
Fuck me, this is mental.
Tuesday 18 March 1997
10:02 am
Hi gorgeous. Had a good night of sleep?
…the hell?
Something the matter?
Why did this bloody notebook start burning all of a sudden?
It’s working then. Made a spell on it, every time we write to each other the notebook will grow warmer.
Fuck me, are you trying to kill me?
Come on, it’s not that hot. Didn’t want to miss your messages, that’s all.
But I have sensitive skin!! Gonna have first-degree burns all over me, you troll!
I’d be happy to put some lotion on them. You do remember I have good hands, don’t you…
Fuck. Off.
07:35 pm
Is something going on with Crabbe and Goyle?
No.
They used to be your shadows. You guys didn’t talk once since you’re back.
Never learned to mind your own fucking business, did you?
They barely looked at you.
Nosy bugger.
Their parents are Death Eaters. I guess the Dark Lord didn’t bother keepin’ my betrayal a secret.
…fuck.
Is this why you don’t want me to talk to you in front of people?
I have a target on my back already, Potter. Don’t need your stupid smiling face to make it worse for me.
Gosh I didn’t think of that… I’m such a git.
Glad we can finally agree on something.
Pansy seems fine with you, tho.
She knows what I’m going through. She understands.
Does she know everything?
You mean the Mark? Yes. Couldn’t hide such a thing from her, could I. She used to see me naked.
Right.
Does she know about me, too?
No.
Right. ‘course not. Why would she.
Excuse me, does my relationship with Pansy upset you? Do you want me to stop talking to her? Do you want me to stop having friends altogether and being alone and miserable, so you can be my only comfort?
Your love is so precious, Potter, I’m lucky to have you.
Stop being an arse, that’s not at all what I meant. I’m just jealous, you know…
I mean, do I have to be jealous?
I don’t give a shit what you have to do, Potter.
Fuck, I hate you so much. You’re such an attention whore!
…excuse me?? Who’s the attention whore?
You are! Been a bloody stalker since I got back, did nothing but pressure me, feeding me shit like love and jealousy, acting like everything’s fine… have you ANY idea what I’m going through right now?
My family is done, my father is a joke between Wizards AND Death Eaters and my mother is hiding in a fucking shithole because her crazy-arse sister wants to end her! I’ve lost my name, I’m losing my friends and all because of you!
I’m sorry Draco… I know it’s not easy.
Fuck you, you know nothing.
You think I don’t? You think I’m having fun here? I’ve lost people, too. I’ve lost friends and family too! I am a bloody target WAY MORE than you are and you know it!
I’m Harry Potter for hell’s sake!
11:26 pm
I’m sorry about earlier. Didn’t mean to snap at you like that.
I know what you’re going through, Draco, I really do. Last thing I want is for you to feel like this, but… we are in war, love. Doesn’t matter who’s gonna win in the end, there will be losses both sides. And they are going to be huge, they are going to change us forever.
And we can’t do anything about it. We can only try to stay strong, because we’ve chosen to be part of this war, we’ve chosen to fight.
I didn’t choose.
You did when you let them put the mark on you.
You didn’t choose either.
I did when I decided not to run or hide away.
But you’re right about me, I’m not being very supportive. I swear I’m not trying to pretend nothing happened, I just hoped… I hoped I could make you feel better. Help you see that we can still have fun, and that I’m here for you. No matter what.
This is so fucked-up.
It is. But what can we do about it?
You can kill that motherfucker, here’s what you can do.
There’s nothing I want more, believe me.
Maybe I can help.
I mean, I know things. Maybe... I dunno.
It means the world you saying that… but you don’t have to. You’re exposed already, I don’t want you to get into more trouble.
…I wouldn’t know how to, anyway.
That’s alright. No need to worry for now. I got this.
You ‘got this’? Are you trying to impress me to get into my pants, Potter?
I mean… is it working?
Goodnight.
Night, Draco.
Thursday 20 March 1997
10:19 am
Don’t you dare EVER again or I’ll end you before the Dark Lord can spell a fucking Avada on you!
Oh, come on! Nobody noticed.
You don’t know that! Besides, I don’t want you to touch me!
I barely brushed your hand, wasn’t a big deal.
Was for me!
Alright. I’m sorry.
You’re not sorry. And don’t make that face, pouting doesn’t suit you.
Of course you’d know, you’re the King of pouting, aren’t you.
You just don’t get how weird this is for me, do you?
Doesn’t have to be weird.
It does, you moron! You’re Harry bloody Potter!
And you don’t get how hard it is for me to keep my distance when all I can think of is how much I want to hold you and touch you and kiss you?
This is fucking mental.
Stop saying that! You’re just making it weirder.
I seriously doubt it can get any weirder!
Do I have to remind you that you had months getting used to this… feelings?! While all I had was lies? So back off now!
You knew it was me, though!
It’s not the same! You’re not James!
…where the hell are you going?
Potter!
I swear I’m gonna keep writing until I’ll burn your fucking arse!
People will talk! You can’t just leave a class like this!
Your minions are looking at me like they wish to kill me… the hell did you tell them?
Bloody drama queen.
08:51 pm
Please just let me see you. I’m losing my fucking mind.
What did you say to your friends about me?
Everything.
…what does everything mean?
It means everything. All of it.
Fuck me, Potter… You’re not losing your mind, you lost it already!
Hermione knew, anyway.
She couldn’t possibly!
She’s very smart. And observant.
Potter. Honestly.
…fine. She found the notebook.
Fuckin’ hell, you’re gonna be the end of me…
I can be James, you know.
…what?
You said I’m not James. You said it’s weird. Let me show you differently.
How exactly would you do that?
Meet me you-know-where.
Potter, no.
Please.
I don’t want to see you.
You won’t. I swear, you won’t see me. You won’t see Potter.
I’m begging you, Draco.
Trust me on this.
Draco?
Fine. Stop writing please, my hands are burning.
Thank you… thank you so much!
When do you want to meet?
Now.
Now?
Now.
…alright.
09:19 pm
I can’t believe this. Not these lousy cupcakes again!
You wanted James, didn’t you?
…no need to alter your voice anymore, you know.
It’s just easier this way. Come on… eat it.
This is—
I swear to Godric if you say mental one more time, I’m gonna lose it.
Gee, relax. Here, cheers. To my blindness.
Good boy.
…
Taste different. Better, actually.
I asked for some upgrading.
Upgrading like what?
Lasts more.
M-more?
A bit more…
Oi. Fuck.
Sorry. Too close too fast?
Y-yes. Give me… give me a minute.
Sure. May I hold your hand in the meantime?
…whatever.
Thank you.
…
Are you okay?
I don’t know, I’m… I’m… f-fuck…
Shush, it’s alright… come here, love…
I hate t-this…
You poor thing, why are you crying?
B-because I m-missed you, you moron!
I missed you too, Draco… I’m here now. You’re safe with me.
It’s just… I’m so f-fucking t-tired of everything…
I know love. I promise, it’ll get better.
I d-don’t want my f-friends to ha-hate me… don’t want to be such a b-broken git…
You’re not broken, Draco. You’re strong, and smart, and funny, and ambitious, and… well, a bit of a perv, really.
D-don’t make me laugh…
You’re lovely when you laugh.
09:31 pm
Feeling better?
I feel like crup shit.
Wanna wash your face? Here’s the sink.
…thanks.
How long does these new cupcakes last?
Fifteen minutes or so.
So, what now?
What now?
Well, I can’t see a fucking thing. I couldn’t run away even if you did something crappy like, y’know, kissing me or whatever…
…you want me to kiss you?
Don’t be absurd!
Alright.
…
I’m just saying, you could. Kiss me. And I couldn’t say no.
You’re unbelievable!
And you’re a lousy wank- mpf!
…
Mmh—missed your lips so much…
A-ah, s-still thinking about them while jerkin’ off?
You have no idea.
Fffuck… c-closer…
…wanna feel this?
YES.
Want me to push you against this wall and make you feel how hard I am for you?
Yes, sweetmerlin… wanna feel your cock against mine…
Holyshit, ah… l-like that?
Harder… push harder and roll your hips, l-like this…
Oh God, D-Draco… yeah, feels so good…
…
Oi! What the… Draco? Where are you going!
Draco!
…shit.