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Days have felt oddly unusual lately. For instance, Regect and Moe both felt as if Ze had been more ignorant, barely acknowledging Regect’s banter and zoning out an awful lot. However, this change wasn’t only obvious for the two, in fact, Ze himself felt like absolute shit for the past week.
Just two days ago, when Moe raised the idea of going on another adventure to the aquarium, Ze simply groaned and stared off into space. A few seconds after, he must’ve noticed how weird he had been acting, seeing Moe with a worried expression plastered over her face and Regect not giving any sort of sarcastic remark. He briefly nodded and told them to go without him, before leaning back onto the couch, laying inwards with his wings covering the majority of his side.
Speaking of wings, Ze absolutely hated the new pair that sprouted from his back. He hadn’t even noticed it until Regect pointed it out the day he was back, so he concluded that it came from when he was down there. In the hole.
Thinking about the hole made him nauseous.
“Yo Ze!! Man you gotta come and take a look at this game I just got.” Regect boasts as it begins to start clicking aggressively on his laptop, its invisible face just a few centimetres away from the screen.
A few moments pass. No response.
Regect turns its head slightly, making sure Ze was still beside it before making a comment.
“Ze?”
All of a sudden, Ze’s eyes widen from their previous state. He jerks his head up lazily from the couch’s cushioned back, sluggishly rubbing his eyes. After a few seconds, Z diverts his attention to Regect, who still hasn't turned its head away from Ze.
“...What did you say again?” He mumbles.
Ze closes his eyes again, expecting a reply from the other shortly after. His head is a foggy mess, the thoughts those eyes implemented into his head had never really left. He spent a lot of his time trying his best to block it off, trying every possible way.
Regect shifts nervously in its spot, its claws holding each other.
“Dude, what’s up with you lately?” It mutters, the tone coming off a little harsher than it intends for it to be.
Although Regect did try to add a little bit of sarcasm into its voice, trying to make it seem less awkward, it was still undoubtedly softer than its usual tone.
Ze stays quiet for what feels like half a minute, before opening his eyes sitting on his side, away from Regect.
“I’m fine," he murmurs, the wings on his back fluttering ever so slightly.
He begins to regret trying to rest downstairs
Yeah, sure, it would be significantly incorrect if he said that the company of Regect doesn't take his mind off the hole for a while and doesn't comfort him, but as of currently, he would rather continue submitting to those eyes than to continue this conversation. He is far too tired and drowsy to have this talk again. For the last week, both Moe and Regect had asked him about his state, wellbeing, thoughts, everything. Why he was gone for 2 weeks, why kept zoning out every other day, what happened, everything. Every time, he would shrug it off or just not respond.
However, it’s not that simple to just leave. That would raise more concern from Regect regarding Ze, and it would tell Moe and they’d pester him about that. Though, it is indeed night and it’ll come off as normal. Probably.
Ze lets out a low sigh, adjusting himself on the couch until he’s laying down, his face facing the table and his head using his arm as a cushion. His hair has grown long to maybe around mid shoulder, as he doesn't bother enough to cut it after the incident.
Then he thinks.
Wings unkempt, hair tangling at parts, hoodie ripped and worn although washed, and bruises here and there. Ze thinks he probably looks like shit right now, but of course, he’s too sucked into his own mind to care. He already has enough to care about.
Just as Ze is about to fall asleep, a deep voice stops him.
“Man, y’know like.. y’know you can talk to me right? Moe- Moe too, of course. You-”
“Regect,"
“You’ve been acting so off lately dude, can you just stop den-”
“I’m fine-”
“-ying it, I know I- I always say you're a dickhead but it’s all just jokes.”
“I’m perfectly okay.”
“Ze-”
“Regect- just- just stop talking to me.” Ze half shouts, his voice cracking slightly. Even if he tried, his voice wouldn’t be able to go any louder than that currently.
Regect shifts back from Ze a little, observing him. He’s shaking, just mildly, but still shaking. It doesn't seem as though Ze himself notices it. His hands and arm covers his face, his wings laying flatter than it usually is. He looks like he’s trying to curl up, become smaller, something like that. Regect brings its arm up for no particular reason, eyes still glued onto him, before falling uselessly onto its lap. It lets out a small sigh.
“I mean, whatever dude, i- i just- whatever.” Regect mumbles.
Ze doesn't pay any mind to what Regect is thinking. His thoughts were entirely focusing on going to his room. He lifts himself up from the couch, tilting his head away from Regect while doing so. He leaves without a single word.
He might think he seems normal getting up and leaving as it is night, but to Regect, it is awfully obvious that something is bothering him. Like it had for the past week he came back.
Regect continues sitting on the couch, not really paying any mind to its laptop anymore. Instead it stares at the staircase where Ze has gone up. Its gaze simply lingers there, not on purpose. It just is.
Regect squeezes its own palm, before finally looking away.
Yeah, no, there is just absolutely no way Ze is going to be able to fall asleep here.
It’s too quiet. And loud. It’s too quiet and loud at once, and it's digging into his ears. Maybe he should have stayed downstairs and enjoyed Regect’s company a little more. He takes back what he thought about actually submitting to those eyes. Ze can’t help but grip his head, or hair, actually, with this deafening buzz that rings in his ears. Or mind. He can’t quite tell anymore. It’s not only that. It is far too dark in his room, and he can feel everything- every molecule- every sound just.. staring at him.
He stays idle sitting on the side of his bed, not daring to look elsewhere but the wall in front of him. He knows well what would happen if he did.
Fuck, it doesn’t help either that whenever he closes his eyes, he could only see… eyes. Ze knows he must be starting to panic, in fact, he can feel it. It’s absolutely boiling and suffocating all of a sudden, and he’s suddenly hyper aware of every colour and motion of every little movement. He strains his eyes, squinting at the wall.
He can't breathe.
Ze squints his eyes even harder. He can’t close them. He doesn’t wanna see it.
There's just way too much going on at once.
Before he realises it, his eyes start to water from the sting and he rushes his hand onto his mouth. What he sees when he closes his eyes makes him want to gag.
He starts to feel like he’s choking aswell. It’s too stuffy here.
Without second thought, he peels off his white hoodie, tossing it onto the ground. Now that he’s only in a t-shirt, it suddenly feels all too cold, and though his skin was burning, the chill still managed to creep up beneath the fabric. His arms and hands fall limp onto his side, touching the bed. His focus remains on the walls, which are instead covered in static, dark pixels that bug his eyes.
This was the cycle he went through every night, but today was undeniable the worse he has had it. Usually he’d manage to look around without it feeling.. intolerable. Today was different.
The moment he takes his eyes off of the wall, he sees them. Multiple pairs of eyes, looking back at him. No- just looking at him. Everywhere. When he closes his eyes, when he looks at the window, when he tries to ignore it. It never leaves. It is already awfully dark and nauseating in that room.
His eyes are watering. They’re stinging, painfully, as if there is something pulling on the nerves inside them. He does not close them. He can’t. Even when his vision starts to deteriorate due to fuzziness, when his mind becomes a dark, flicking mess. The eyes don’t take their focus off of him. Ze gulps, barely registering the tremble beneath his skin. If anyone sees him at his current state, they’d probably think he was insane. Perhaps he somewhat already is.
There's eyes on his hands. His arms. His skin. It's everywhere. Ze stiffens, he can feel his throat closing up. His skin starts to feel fuzzy everywhere, like there's worms under his skin. Or eyes. Maybe both.
The sensation deepens. It goes from what feels like worms and eyes, fuzzy skin, to it feeling like multiple bugs under it. And eyes. There’s always eyes. If Ze could, he’d try to peel off his skin right now, toss it elsewhere and maybe just end it there and then. It’s not like he wants to die, not that at all. It’s that the feeling of multiple tiny insects nipping on your skin and drilling small voids that trail your attention wherever you look wasn’t at all pleasant nor desirable.
Ze’s lips continue glued down together, now looking somewhere between his arms (which are still plastered with several eyes) and the empty space between side and hands. He does a half choke, body slightly jaggering forwards. Every time he blinks he could still see it, staring back at him. It’s always something other than pure void and darkness — what he should be seeing when he shut his eyes. But no, this hell of an entity, if he would even call it that, just loves to see him sleep deprived and suffering. That’s great.
He can feel every blade of wind hitting against his wings, irritating them, and it does not help with soothing whatever type of psychosis he’s experiencing. If anything, it feels more like needles piercing into each feather rather than the chilling sensation it’s supposed to be providing. The pinching feeling beneath his skin slightly subsides for a second, before flaring up again. His eyes stay locked in position, not blinking nor fluttering. It’s extremely tempting to go scratch his arms now. Before he can act on it, his wings rise up, curling around his arms and the soft, white feathers sooth it just enough for him to stop.
What is he going to do? He wishes that he could have just stayed downstairs by Regect now; or just run straight into Moe’s room.
“Yeah- yeah, and he just went off like that!” Regect grumbles, head tilting just a fraction away from the clown.
“Honk honk honk?” Moe questions.
“No he didn’t say anything else.. He only like- he just kept interrupting me like usual before he left.” It admits before shuffling on the couch.
Moe crosses her arms, before shifting her stance a little. She looks up, thinking of what to respond with.
“Honk honk..” She scratches her hair, bright red and curly as ever. Moe has only come downstairs to get some water at this late hour, not quite expecting to be met with Regect and tons of questions. It looks at her, claws still intertwined with one another, head (if it had one) low.
It could NEVER show itself like this infront of Ze.
She walks up to the couch before taking a seat adjacent to Regect. She notices the way Regect keeps looking away with its one visible eye, tail limp and useless behind it. Whatever it had playing on his computer is no longer relevant.
Moe reaches her arm out, placing a shoulder on the entity. “Honk honk, honk honk honk.” She honks, eyes staring straight into the other’s eye. Moe gulps, also undeniably worried for Ze’s wellbeing. She wonders what has happened just as much as Regect does, and she only wants her friend to feel better.
Regect’s back straightens with Moe’s words, suddenly aware of every posture he does.
“No, no- no that’s stupid. Ppffttt, I’m not scared! I’m just worried what that- that little- I’m just worried to what Ze’s doing!” He states, denying Moe’s inspection. The room goes silent, with Moe simply looking at Regect and letting the words ring to his own ears (if he even has any). The entity looks down. “Okay- okay, I-”
“Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk!” Moe honks something about there being no need to lie about how it felt and that even she is scared, plus how Regect is pretending to seem tough. Once again, silence. They both try to find words, but everything gets muddled up in their throats.
“Honk honk honk honk, honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk?” (Okay, okay, how about.. how about you go on and see how Ze’s doing upstairs?)
“What ‘bout you Moe?”
“Honk honk honk, honk honk, honk honk.”
“Ok- Are- you sure Moe? You don’t wanna come with me?”
“Honk honk honk!” Moe honks with a reassuring smile.
“Okay Moe, I'll .. I'll see what he’s up to. Goodnight Moe, sleep well.” Regect says with a soft tone, before waving her goodbye.
As soon as the last bit of red hair leaves his vision, it slumps onto the couch, arms hugging the top of it. Is this really a good idea?
“What if Ze’s like.. What if Ze doesn’t want me t- Oh my god fuck what that guy thinks!” Regect whispers, speaking out its internal monologue before reluctantly leaning off the couch and making its way to the stairs.
Each step it takes feels more and more tense. It hears its footseps getting louder, deeper. Regect wonders if Ze would mind it barging in at such a late hour. Well, technically he isn’t gonna be barging in as it does plan on knocking this time. Regardless, the moment it reaches the second floor, its steps begin to soften, afraid that Ze will hear it approach. Not like it means anything, anyway.
Regect can only shakily breathe in front of his door before it lifts its arm. Its eye(s) stare at the white, blank door, only stuck with a post-it note that says “Ze’s room”. (Moe had placed it there when they first moved in to just specify who’s room is who's, but he never really thought of taking it off.) Regect squints its eye slightly, looking downward, before straightening its posture and lifting its hands up high enough to give the door three gentle knocks.
“What?” A voice comes from inside. It was quiet.
“Why else would I be knocking on your door you asshat?”
“Pfft, dude yeah- yeah whatever. Why do you even wanna come in?”
“Ze, c’mon man. I just wanna-”
“-I’m not letting you in, get your half-limbed ass to bed.” He scoffs.
“Suit yourself," Regect mumbles, clearly stubborn.
He chuckles softly, or tries to, making an attempt of brightening his mood. His smile drops immediately when he realises how stupid he sounds. How is that even remotely possible when you feel like absolute shit, see eyes all over your room and skin, and now your entity roommate is begging to come in for some ‘talk’?
He still doesn’t look away, eyes focusing only on the wall before him. He waits for the entity to leave.
Anytime now..
How stubborn is this entity?
Ze scoffs lightly, eyes peeling off the wall for the first time in a while to now look at his door instead. He finds it amusing how the entity could quite literally barge in if it wanted to, his door not being locked. But somewhere inside his chest, this little feeling just makes him want the entity closer to him, to let it in.
After a few more moments of consideration, Ze finally speaks. “Regect?”
“Mm?” Regect mumbles, hoping its low voice will grant it entry.
“You can… I guess come in if you wanna. Jus’- just don’t do anything stupid in my room.”
The entity doesn't reply. Instead, Ze hears a soft click on the doorknob, before seeing a dark silhouette step into his room. He hears a gentle click once again, the light from the hallway now gone, met with the same darkness as before.
Okay now this is awkward.
Ze stays sitting on his bed, head facing downwards to the floor. The eyes have subsided, and it feels a little less suffocating now. Regect, on the other hand, stays lingering about the door, claws still clutching one another. It just looks at him, then on the floor, then around his mess of a room. Then back to Ze. It watches the way he tries so hard to concentrate on what’s in front of him, how his wings don't seem comfortable enough to let their guards down, how much the mild tremble he had before has worsened.
Regect looks away once more before making the decision to make its way closer to the man. His steps, more cautious than usual, as he doesn’t want to startle the other before it. It takes a seat a gap away from Ze, at the edge of the man’s bed facing forward. It makes sure it keeps its distance without accidently discomforting him.
The entity clears its throat.
“So-” Regect drones.
“Nope- no. I don’t wanna hear it.” Ze crosses his arms.
“I haven't even said a single thing!?-”
“Yes you have! You- You cleared your throat and said ‘so’!”
“So what! That isn’t a wor-”
“It is a word! You’re jus’ so- so fuckin…”
The room goes silent. The air already feels less suffocating to Ze, it’s now easier to breathe and look around. The back-and-forth banter that always somewhat irritated him now brings him further comfort only. He loosens his shoulder slightly, turning his head just enough to peek a look at the other sitting at the end of his bed. Its head is down. Ze finds it amusing how although its head is only transparent and actually exists, you still cannot see its singular eye through the back of its head. Entity physics. Or whatever.
He lets his arms fall, now just dangling through the gap between his legs. His slouches, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“What-” Ze starts.
“So-” Regect speaks at the same moment.
“SHUT UP!”
“Geez- Okay, okay man.”
“Before you even open your mouth again, don’t be asking me some… some stupid… fuckin’... questions.” Ze groaned, his voice impacted by the tremble on his skin.
It doesn’t respond.
Regect shifts in its spot, looking over to Ze. It tentatively stands up, walking closer to where the man is sitting until it’s only a small space between the two. It lets go of its hands, planting its left hand on its hip. The other hesitantly looks up, to be met with a stare back. Its gaze somewhat gentle and soft, compared to the usual sarcastic and harsher sight. He stays looking for a few more seconds before he turns back away, down to the floor. His hair falls around the side of his face, like a curtain closing.
The entity takes a seat beside the man, feeling a subtle flutter from his wings hitting its back before retracting. The air between the two tenses, suddenly too hard to breathe. Ze holds his breath, waiting for Regect to move, speak, to do something.
“Ze. Man- you know, you..” It mutters, trying to find the right words. “It’s kinda obvious somethings, y’know-”
“This is like the fifth time you’ve said the word y’know!” Ze laughs. Or he tries to.
“Oh my god SHUT UP! That’s two words by the way, asshole.” The entity yells, before returning to its previous sentence. “Ahem. So- what im tryna’ say is, I guess, I’m- I’m always here for you dude. It’s pretty obvious that something's in your head okay? And if you don’t- If you don’t tell anyone, it’ll just get worse and worse," it speaks, not as loud as usual, no sarcasm rooted into the tone. Just sincere, pure worry for its friend. It turns its head to look at the man. “Just- Just look at you man. You don’t normally just stare at some blank wall like a lunatic, and-” It pauses before looking at the man’s reddened skin on his arms, accompanied by what look like fingernail scratches.
Regect sighs, stopping its sentence right there and then. It doesn’t expect a reply, not really. It just hopes that at least the words it had said sinks into his head. And that he tells it whatever the fuck is driving him insane to this state. As although Regect itself doesn’t like to admit it, it does at times feel upset that Ze doesn’t trust it enough to tell it things about himself. Maybe this time, just this once, it’ll be able to get him to talk about himself.
Ze stays silent, head still drooped low. His shoulders hitch forwards slightly, breathing getting more and more uneven each passing second. He lets out a soft half-choke half-chuckle, before looking up slightly; his hair all in his face. “Look.. okay. I don’t- I don’t know why you’re bein’ all nice and stuff," he manages to speak, which turns into a small pause afterwards. “I don’t know, Regect. I- I jus’..”
Before Ze could finish his sentence, he could feel this repulsive feeling in his chest. Aching, daring him to finish that sentence. Again, he suddenly jerks forward, one hand over his mouth and the other gripping his chest. It’s not like he wants to throw up — there is nothing to throw up. It’s that awful, heavy weight in his chest that won’t lessen itself. His surroundings, now a little more blurry, a little darker. Eyes, eyes in his vision again; everywhere he looked there would appear some. The air’s hot now. Burning. Fuzzy, even.
His wings flare out, poking Regect’s back before it curls to either side of Ze, almost like a shield.
The entity’s tail curls up, shocked from the sudden movement. It immediately stands up, trying to get a better look at the situation here rather than sitting there and being helpless. It takes a few small steps, trying to get around Ze’s wings before seeing his face. Both of his hands clasp against his face, covering nearly every part of it except his eyes. Regect can vaguely make out that they are open, staring into blank space, just for the sake of them being open. His head is still hanging low, which only further concerns it.
It crouches before Ze, a slight distance away. It doesn’t quite know what to do, but it knew anything was better than doing nothing. It reaches out a claw, holding his forearm gently. “Ze- Can you see me?” Regect dares to nudge its face nearer to the man. It tries its best to maintain calm, but the shock in its voice almost gives it all away.
Ze loosens his hands around his face. “Fuck- no, no. I’m..” he slowly mumbles. He shuffles further back into his bed, trying to avoid Regect. Ze wishes he could just melt into Regect’s hand and tell it everything, urging into its warm embrace. No; the weight in his chest disagrees. He can't let himself accept this invitation of help. The man’s vision deteriorates further, every colour of pixel blurring together into what resembles.. eyes. Of course it’s eyes. He urges himself to keep his own eyes open, don’t pay them any mind.
They’re not real Ze.
They’re only there to mess with your head.
He curls his fingers around his face, fingertips rough against his hair. He can feel his heartbeat beating way faster than any human should be capable of, or it feels like that at least. Then before he could even attempt to speak, he could feel the embrace of two arms around his shoulders, and instinctively found himself resting his head on the other’s shoulder. His wings lower themselves, giving the other enough space to properly hug him. He buries his eyes into the soft skin(?) before him, trying to maintain his calm — which had already long been gone.
The two remain in the hug, for minutes they don't bother enough to count. At one point, Regect shifts over to sit back down adjacent to Ze before tugging him in closer into the hug. With its arms wrapping around him, he can feel every hitch, every tremble, every breath he takes. And undeniably his heartbeat.
Ze removes his face from the other's body, mouth opening. “I fuckin’ hate you," he whispers, Regect feeling the hot air on its skin. “It’s jus’ the..” he slurs quietly, his voice breaking down. “I hate you too.” The entity repeats the man’s words, letting it linger in the shared space they have.
He reluctantly lets go of the embrace before continuing. “It’s just the eyes. I can’t- I can't fucking think without hearing that laugh. And- And it’s ‘cause whenever… I uhm,” he swallows. “Whenever I’m alone- or something, I jus’ start- I see eyes. I guess.” Ze gulps down hard, trying not to let his emotions get to his voice.
Regect looks at Ze, his eyes watery and head down. It isn't everyday that you see Z, the stubborn and brave man so.. emotional. He always had his walls up, never letting anyone in.
The entity’s tail swooshes closer to the man.
Although, Ze doesn’t even seem to have fully registered what he himself had said. His mouth opens again, this time words come out slower than it intends to. “And I guess- I’ve just been thinkin’ of the fake you and Moe. I’m so fuckin’ stupid for..” he stops there for a brief second.
He tilts his head to the side away from Regect. “..I guess for believing that they were real for so long.”
“They sorta’ remind me how real you actually are compared to jus’.. y’know, the eyes. And- whenever you or Moe act.. I-I don’t know- like, a bit off?..” Z shivers from the wind coming from his window. “It’s almost like..”
Regect turns to face Ze, who is now facing the wall once again. He bats an eye to the entity, head low before it feels his head leaning in the middle of its shoulder and upper arm.
“Like we’re not real?” Regect finishes the words for him.
“Yeah. Yeah- that.” Ze breathes in.
The two stay like that for some time. Regect can feel Ze's skin against its arm, burning compared to its own. It doesn't move, doesn't pull away; just letting the man lay on its shoulder to rest. Ze waits for the entity to say something, mutter some random phrase or so. It doesn't. He is somewhat grateful for that.
He curls his right wing around its side, like a shield for the both. They don’t speak for a while.
Regect blanks for a moment, unsure what to say. “We’re as real as we can ever be okay? I’ll like- I’ll sing whatever song you want me too to prove that I’m real whenever. Want me to sing one right now?-”
“No- no not now- I don’t wanna hear you destroy another fuckin’ song with your singing!” Ze scoffs, soon turning into more of a laugh. “Watch what you say!” Regect playfully yells, before clearing its throat again.
“Anyway, still not forgiving you for that, But anyway- we’re always here for you dude," it mutters. “And with those eyes; we’ll.. we’ll find some way to get rid of it. I’m sure we will.” Regect reassures Ze as it raises an arm to put around his shoulder, golden bracelets and chains clanking as it moves.
Ze leans into the touch. “Yeah. Thanks.” He says, voice calmer, stabler now.
He looks around his room, the world now tolerateable, the air less suffocating. Then he takes a look at the entity beside him, letting its claw gently stroke his shoulder. Its visible eye remains closed, its nails accidentally getting stuck on the fabric in his shirt. He pays no mind.
“You know,” Ze mumbles. “You’re actually not as much of a piece of shit than I thought you were.” His eyes start to shut. “What are you- What the fuck does that even mean?-” Regect retaliates, before sighing. “Thanks?.. I guess?”
Ze gives a small hum before silence consumes the room and everything around him, except this time, there’s no weird eyes in his head or maniac laughter dominating his ears.
Regect awakes, sunlight illuminating the room it was in. It jumps slightly at the unsually soft surface it was laying on, and even more when it feels something warm move, or perhaps flinch beside it.
Immediately, it jerks its head over to its side, only to see its roomate with his eyes shut, face peaceful, hugging its arm like it was a soft toy. It lets out a small chuckle which sounds like a sigh, before it hears something coming from the doorframe.
Wood creaking beneath.
The entity pauses. It tentatively swings its head towards the door, which is now wide open compared to the night before. And just in the middle of that, stands the clown. She smiles at Regect, her hands crossed and leaned against the doorframe. Moe’s smile quickly turns into more of a teasing smirk as Regect looks at her, clearly surprised to see the two so… close.
Nonetheless, she is glad that whatever the entity did last night seemed to have worked to some extent, for them to be so closely cuddled up. The entity opens its mouth to quickly disagree with Moe’s tease, but is quickly shut up by a soft tug on its arm.
It seems that it will not be leaving anytime soon.