Work Text:
Doughnut Mondays
Lt. Jean Havoc hummed happily as he strode down the hallway. In his hands were two pink, rectangular boxes that held untold treasures within. Today was a wonderful day and nothing could ruin it. Nothing. For it was that special day that happened only once a month. Today, was Doughnut Monday.
For the first Monday of every month, Colonel Mustang's group of loyal soldiers would have a casual meeting where everyone could relax and enjoy an hour of freedom to prepare for the month ahead. At these meetings, one person was assigned the duty of bringing doughnuts for everyone.
This month, it was Havoc's turn since last month, Lt. Hawkeye had brought the doughnuts. They went in alphabetical order. Havoc was excited and he smiled down at the boxes as he approached his destination.
Upon arrival, he held the boxes in one hand and pushed open the door. "Let Doughnut Monday begin!" he announced as he placed the boxes on the table.
Roy, Riza, Breda, Fuery, Falman, Maria, Denny, Maes, and Armstrong all cheered at his arrival while Olivier, their newest addition to the group just scowled wondering why she was even here.
"'Bout time you got here," Breda said reaching for the box closest to him.
"Yeah, we were worried that you wouldn't make it because you got distracted by a woman," Roy teased pulling the second box to his side of the table.
Havoc shot Roy a glare and dropped into the chair between Riza and Breda. "Shut up! There was a huge line at the bakery," he protested reaching into the box Breda had.
Roy snorted. "Right," and he passed the box down the line. The room was filled with the noise of crinkling paper as everyone picked out their favorite doughnuts.
Once everyone had chosen, Roy cleared his throat. "Now that everyone has their doughnuts, I declare the fifteenth annual Doughnut Monday now in session," that said, he popped his chocolate doughnut hole into his mouth.
After he swallowed he glanced around the room. "Alright, does anyone have anything they want to share?"
No one moved and then Havoc raised his hand. "I have a question. Why do you eat doughnut holes when you should be eating a yummy jelly-filled one. I mean, it's Doughnut Monday, aren't you supposed to be eating an actual doughnut?" he asked pointing to his jelly-filled doughnut for emphasis.
All eyes shifted to Roy who just smiled. "My explaination is simple. You can eat as many as you want without worrying about the caloric intake because of how small they are," he demonstrated by popping another doughnut hole into his mouth.
"Why are you worried about the caloric intake? Are you a girl or something? Why are you worried about your figure?" Havoc shot back with a grin.
"Is it wrong to take care of ones health?" Roy asked.
"It is when it comes to you sir. You barely manage to take care of your health in the first place," Riza replied biting into her chocolate doughnut sprinkled with coconut shavings. Roy ignored her and the sniggers he heard but remained silent.
Havoc continued. "But I still don't see why you eat those things. There's no substance to them! They're simply not satisfying and besides, who wants to eat leftovers?"
"They're not leftovers! How bout you? Why do you eat those jelly-filled monstrosities? They leak and get your hands all sticky," Roy shot back, scowling.
Beaming, Havoc replied holding up his jelly-filled doughnut with pride. "Because they're the best and because they're full and satisfying. Not to mention they're soft and cushy like…boobs."
All the women in the room glared at him and Riza smacked him in the back of his head. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend…" she muttered.
"My favorite are chocolate glazed with rainbow sprinkles," Maes said taking a bite of said doughnut.
"Why rainbow sprinkles sir?" Fuery asked.
Maes looked shocked. "Why not? I simply love rainbow sprinkles! They're so colorful and cute…just like my darling Elysia!" he gushed whipping out a picture. "She's my little rainbow." He cooed.
Roy groaned. "Somebody please, just shut him up."
Breda snorted. "All of those are just too simple. What you should really try are chocolate ecclairs. Now, there's a good pastry," he said smugly savoring his ecclair.
"I beg to differ, there's nothing wrong with simplicity. I prefer caramel bits instead of regular sprinkles," Maria asserted.
"Yeah, what she said minus the caramel bits part. I like powdered sugar," Denny stated.
Maria turned on Denny. "Powdered sugar? How can you like that? It gets everywhere!" she argued.
"Well at least I don't get caramel stuck to my teeth," Denny shot back.
"I like cinnamon sugar myself," Fuery added.
Denny and Maria wheeled around to glare at the poor man. "Stay out of this!" they yelled and quickly returned to their argument while Fuery burst into tears.
"You look like you have a white beard!" Maria yelled.
"You—"
"Now, now, my fellow soldiers, let's not fight among ourselves,"Armstrong said gently pulling the two feuding parties apart. "There is only one way to solve this," he said smiling. "And that is to have you try to the delicious wonders of the original plain doughnut!" he boomed holding out his doughnut.
The group stared at it and Falman spoke. "Umm, why plain?"
Armstrong sparkled in delight. "Because this is the original doughnut from which all other doughnuts descend from!" he proclaimed proudly posing with the doughnut.
"Actually—" Falman started only to find that Maria had clamped her hand over his mouth.
"Please, don't encourage him," she pleaded.
Not too long after that, all hell broke loose and and everyone, minus Riza and Olivier, were argueing over which doughnut was the best.
"Jelly-filled I tell you!"
"No way! Rainbow sprinkles!"
"Power to powdered sugar!"
"I say caramel bits!"
"You're all wrong! Chocolate ecclaires are the best!"
"I, Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strongarm Alchemist say it must be the plain!"
"I place my bets on maple twists!"
"Hooray for cinnamon sugar!"
"Doughnut holes for the win dammit!"
Riza and Olivier watched on in amusement while the chaos unfolded and soon it became too much for Olivier. She slammed her fist down on the table making everybody jump and look at her.
"Would you all just shut up!" she growled. "I think you're all mistaken," she held up her apple fritter. "Apple fritters are the best."
Roy opened his mouth to argue when Olivier shot him an icy glare. "One word from you Mustang, and I'll shove a doughnut up your hole."
Roy's mouth immediately snapped shut and he gulped shrinking back into his chair. The room remained silent for a few tense moments.
"I'm fond of coconut actually."
Everyone stared at Riza who just shrugged. "Just thought I'd join the crowd. Please continue," she said taking another bite of her doughnut.
As she chewed she counted off in her head. "3-2-1…"
And the pandemonium was in full force once again, this time with a few articles of pastry flying through the air. Riza simply sat back and watched the show while calmly eating her doughnut. She should put a stop to this whole things but it was Doughnut Monday, the one day of the month that everyone could just let themselves go, so she let them be…for now.
But all good things must come to an end. Riza decided that enough was enough and reached forward and grabbed another one of her coconut sprinkled doughnuts from the nearest box. Then she snatched the doughnut hole that Roy was currently waving around. The arguments ceased and all attention was on Riza as she took the doughnut hole and stuffed it into the center of the doughnut and took a bite. "There, problem solved. Now, this meeting is over and I suggest that you all get back to work or I'll make sure you'll never have another Doughnut Monday ever again," she stated in her usual monotone.
Roy looked hurt. "But Riza…you can't do that…" he protested weakly.
She smirked. "Just watch me."
And just like that, the room was empty save for Roy and Riza.
Roy sighed in relief and looked up at the clock. "You let them out a little early. We still have about fifteen minutes left," he said moving closer to her.
"Mmm," she mumbled, still savoring her doughnut.
He wrapped his arms around her waist. "What can we do to pass the time?" he whispered into her ear.
"Oh, I have a few ideas," she replied smiling and leaning into his embrace.
"Like what?" he implored.
"Like getting me a bagel and cream cheese. I don't think doughnuts make a very good breakfast. There's too much sugar," she said with a smirk and pulled away from him and headed to the door.
Roy sighed, smiling. "You evil woman…"