Chapter Text
❝Time unwinding, like a long string pulling me to play
So I put it all behind me, still trying just to end the days
I know it ended, I know I chose it, it was in my hands
But if we put the clocks back, could we still have just another chance?❞
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Day 1
Thinking back on it, Megumi’s decision was very much driven by his personal feelings, interfering with the rational part of his brain that was adamant on rejecting Yuuji.
Even so, he finds himself at the airport, three days later, with his carry-on held up with his right hand and his passport in the other.
The days following the phone call were filled with inescapable tasks, such as Megumi informing the association of his sudden one week vacation request, as well as an annoyingly long conversation with Nobara and the others, who were puzzled when the dark-haired man told them that he would be leaving for Thailand with Yuuji. While he understands their inordinate reactions, they are aware that the two have not spoken in a long time, he, nevertheless, allows himself to give them half-assed answers in hopes that they wouldn’t push further.
As for the rest, he opted to pack only necessities and the right amount of clothing that he needed for the hot destination he would find himself in over the next ten hours or so. The white fabric resting on his shoulder stirs as the conditioned air breezes through the crowded area, helpful to the nerves that are currently running through his body.
They initially planned on meeting each other at Megumi’s apartment, but Yuuji made it known that he forgot to do something back at his place, and inquired if they could just rendezvous at the airport instead. The delayed meet-up had Megumi experiencing an unwanted flutter of nervousness, increasing as the seconds passed by. Which explains why he unintentionally arrived much sooner than they had agreed. Truthfully, Megumi couldn’t bring himself to care—
“Fushiguro!” He lifts his head instinctively and is met with amber eyes accompanied by a soft, nostalgic smile, approaching him with his own suitcase in one hand while the other waves at him enthusiastically. His breath catches for a moment.
He’s changed. He now stands practically at the same height as Megumi, with a slightly bulkier build compared to his teenage years. He also catches newfound freckles painted along his scars as he gets closer to Megumi. Fuck, he’s beautiful.
“Hey, man! It’s so nice to see you again.” Yuuji finally reaches Megumi and quickly scans him as he’s settling. “Still looking as stoic as ever, I see.”
Megumi raises his brow, and Yuuji breathes out an airy laugh. “I could say the same about you.”
The pink-haired man offers him a faint smile and catches Megumi off guard by moving forward to capture him in a tentative hug.
“I’ve missed you, you know.”
Megumi carefully reciprocates the hug. He distinctly makes out a fragrance of lavender coming from the man. I’ve missed you, too. So badly.
They both move away from each other. He still can’t believe that the man who’s been haunting his mind is actually standing in front of him. The whole situation almost feels like a dream.
“Alright, then! Are you reading for the trip of your lifetime, Fushiguro?”
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“I’ll be lonely without you, Fushiguro.”
Once upon a time, Itadori Yuuji pleaded for Fushiguro Megumi to fight for his life and to keep living. A sheer breath in the dark that pulled Megumi out of the depths of despair, the rotten feelings that shattered his will to exist somehow cured with a few trivial words.
Yuuji’s anguished voice has been echoing in Megumi’s mind for years. For a long time, it has remained as a constant flicker in his head, a reminder that, for a sliver of time, he was cherished by someone. That he was needed.
Yet, the years that have passed since that sorrowful day have only served as evidence that what Yuuji said was simply a figure of speech. A desperate call for something to remain, as everything else changed. The people who were killed, the most important people in Yuuji’s life, were suddenly pulled away from him in an instant. He couldn’t save them. So saving Megumi was his only option. That’s all there was to it.
Accepting this was not an easy feat for Megumi. He kept asking himself endlessly whether that was all there was to it. That it was the only rational way to ensure that nobody else died. Could everything they went through be simply measured as a consequence of existing near each other? Would Yuuji have pleaded to any person that he would be lonely without them?
Megumi swallowed his pride after years of pondering the truth of their relationship and shoved this sentiment deep down in his heart, as if to lessen the burden of his thoughts.
Working alone while exorcising curses has helped quiet down his mind from the endless curse of overthinking. This has been his routine since that fateful day, his way of keeping constancy without getting hurt. When Yuuji left, Megumi had never felt lonelier in his life.
Amidst all the loss he’s witnessed, nothing shattered his heart more than Yuuji’s withdrawal from his life.
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“Huh?” Megumi retorted, unable to find another word that justifies the utter confusion he’s experiencing.
He had gotten out of the shower a few minutes before the call, barely awake enough to tend to his fresh injuries from an earlier mission.
Megumi felt his stomach drop at the sight of Yuuji’s number flash on his phone. He had to mentally pinch himself to answer the call.
It was late; he had just come back from an exhausting mission that drained all the energy that he would typically have to converse more appropriately. Nevertheless, here he was, feeling dumbfounded by the situation as it was.
Yuuji clears his throat before parroting back what he said a few seconds prior. “Do you want to go to Thailand with me?” he asked, this time with a firm tone that made Megumi realize just how much he missed hearing his voice.
Attempting to dismiss the thoughts racing through his mind, Megumi voices what he deemed as the most appropriate question at the moment: “Itadori,” he paused, “is everything okay?” It dawned on him that he had not pronounced his name in a minute.
“Yeah!” Yuuji had almost too much enthusiasm given the hour and the circumstances, “Sorry, I know this is really random, and—I mean—especially since we haven’t spoken in like—What, like 4 years? Yeah, 4 years, I think.”
Waiting for Yuuji to continue, Megumi leans on his bedroom door and fixes his eyes on the window displaying pitch darkness at the moment. His towel sits on his waist, capturing the drops of water trickling down his tousled hair and chest.
“I’m sorry for calling so late, Fushiguro.” He hears Yuuji draw breath on the other side of the call, “and I’m also sorry for not getting in touch much sooner. I know it was a shitty move on my part. I mean, I literally took off and left you and Nobara after everything that happened.”
Megumi feels a sharp sting after hearing Yuuji call Nobara by her first name, realizing how much distance was etched between the two. He remembers just how much he had to hold himself back from blurting out Yuuji’s name in hopes that it would stick and that Yuuji would follow along with no questions.
He pauses his thoughts as he figures the silence was Yuuji waiting for an answer.
He rubbed his temples. “I get it, Itadori. I just wanna know what prompted you to call me at—”, he quickly pulls the phone away to glance at the time, and pulls it back to his ear, “Midnight. After not talking for years, asking me to go to Thailand with you. I don’t know, Itadori—It just feels a little uncharacteristic.”
He wants to know what Yuuji’s thinking. Why is he asking Megumi to go on a trip with him? More importantly, he wants to know the reason, the actual reason why Yuuji decided he couldn’t face Megumi anymore. However, his train of thoughts were interrupted by Yuuji’s soft laughter breaking through the tension that had been ever-present since the call began.
“Heh, yeah,” Yuuji tittered. “Look, I know this is really random. But, I have been thinking–” A memory flashes through his head. Careful there, or your head might implode, a joke he remembers he would tell Yuuji, and which would always earn him a pout from the latter.
“I wanna catch up with you, Fushiguro. And, what better way to do so than to be in proximity, exploring an unfamiliar place together, for a week?”
He shifts on his feet. “Itadori—”
“So, what do you say? I know we haven’t spoken to each other in a long time, but I can just tell you’ve been working your ass off for—I mean,” He pauses, “I have a feeling that you need a vacation, and I think this could be something good for you. I want you to come with me, Fushiguro.” He quickly adds, lowering his voice slightly, “Please.”
Megumi could gather a list of all the reasons why he should turn down Yuuji’s offer. He knows he would have no trouble coming up with endless ideas that would most likely convince him not to do it. But, truth be told, it is really late in the night. He’s speaking to Yuuji for the first time in years. And, despite his initial dismay, he can’t ignore the surge of release that has been travelling through his stomach since he saw the flash of Yuuji's name displayed on his phone. Thus, he draws in a shaky breath. Megumi already feels regret seeping in his mind.
“Okay.” A glint of nerves traverses his body. “Let’s go to Thailand together, Itadori.”
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The seven-hour plane ride went smoothly, and soon they were met with a warm and humid climate as they got out of the plane. The two men passed through immigration with no problem, claimed their luggage and made their way outside of the establishment. All in the meanwhile, Yuuji would pass a few comments here and there, commenting on how he’s excited to get to their destination.
Megumi hadn’t cared much to ask about the itinerary. All he knows is that they will mainly be staying in Pattaya City and exploring the surrounding places.
“Oh! That’s the bus that’s picking us up.” They make their way to the bus, and Megumi braces for another two hours of sitting. At least he gets to enjoy the beautiful scenery. And Yuuji’s here too.
As much as he’s been trying to appear calm and collected with Yuuji by his side, Megumi can’t help himself from stealing glances at the boy next to him. The latter has his eyes stuck on the window (courtesy of Megumi letting him shotgun the seat), and his expressive nature is entrancing, and he realizes that he could watch him for hours.
Megumi pulls out his earbuds from his tote and plugs them into his phone. He scrolls through his downloaded playlist and clicks on a random song. Without much thought, he pokes Yuuji with the left earbud.
He turns his head towards Megumi and turns his gaze towards his hands.
“Wanna listen with me?”
Yuuji looks at him for a fraction of a second before taking the earbud and placing it in his ear. Megumi tries not to think about the brief contact of their hands.
He breathes in deeply and closes his eyes.
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“Here’s your keycard. I hope you enjoy your stay!” The worker politely bows, which the two reciprocate before making their way to the elevator. They reach the eighteenth floor and quickly make their way to their room.
Megumi slides the keycard and swiftly opens the door. They are greeted by a traditional Thai wallpaper and a faint aroma of coconut breezing through the air.
“Wow! This place is great.” Yuuji stepped in front of him to take in the view a little better. The room was spacious, and their beds had turtle-shaped towels, which Yuuji didn’t waste time picking up to admire.
“Yes. Nice hotel choice.”
“Thanks, Fushiguro!” Yuuji flashes him one of his signature smiles and shoots him a thumbs-up.
Megumi tries to keep a straight face as he’s walking towards the balcony. He slides the door open and stands in front of the railing. The sky was painted with a vibrant orange hue as the sun continued to make its way into the shadow of the horizon.
“Man, this view is insane,” Yuuji comments beside him, not having noticed his presence.
Megumi hums in approval. He leans on the railing, scanning the area as lamp posts begin taking over the city beyond there. They bask in the tranquility of the atmosphere, and Megumi appreciates the comforting air that surrounds the two, despite having been apart for as long as they have. Maybe this trip was a good idea after all.
“Wanna go grab some food? I heard there’s a famous food market not far from here.”
At the sound of hearing the word food, he felt a pang of hunger settling in his stomach.
“Yeah, let me just change my shirt.”
About a fifteen-minute walk later, they found themselves at the entrance of the night bazaar, and were greeted by an otherworldly smell of seafood and oil.
“Holy shit. Everything looks amazing!” They start shuffling through, inspecting the menu of the stands.
“Anything you wanna eat in particular?”
“Mmmm. I can eat anything at this point, so I don’t really mind. What about you, Fushiguro?”
“I’m good as long as it’s savory,” Megumi replied before he set his eyes on a stand that was selling crispy oysters, “How about this?” He points to a stand, and Yuuji’s gaze followed where he pointed.
“Oh, that looks good! Let’s go.”
They make their way to it and order different flavors of the item along with ramen on the side. As the clerk tells them the total, Megumi pulls out his wallet, which Itadori gently pushes his hand down before paying for them. He looks at Yuuji and earns an open smile from the man.
He exhales slowly, “I could’ve paid you know,” Megumi mutters loud enough for Yuuji to hear.
“I know. But I’m the one who asked you to join me on this trip, so I wanted to treat you.”
“Fine. I’ll get the next one then.”
Yuuji grins, “Alright then.”
At last, they’re handed their food and spot a free bench past the bustling crowd. They set up and get ready to dig in.
Yuuji peels the wrap off the dish and offers a piece of it to Megumi with a soft noise. He flicks his eyes to Yuuji, who's gleefully waiting for him to accept it, and takes the food from him. Megumi feels a nostalgic pang course through his body, a feeling he was all too familiar with. One thing about Yuuji was his undeniable kindness, which never failed to move Megumi, even through all the small gestures. He’s always loved appreciated that about him.
A comfortable silence settles between the two as they start on their food. The street is filled with a light background chatter, and it finally hits Megumi that he’s in Thailand with Yuuji.
“So, what have you been up to for the past few years, Itadori?” Yuuji’s entire face scrunched up as he happily took a bite of his food, “Nothing special, in real honesty. I’ve mostly kept a move on and never settled anywhere specifically,” He replies, all while chewing on his food. Megumi bites back a smile as he glances at the man.
Yuuji continues, “I know I never really explained much why I left, but I think it really did do me some good leaving. Honestly, that place was starting to feel suffocating. I couldn’t help but think about everyone, about Gojo-sensei, about Choso, Nanami-san. It was getting painful just being in Jujutsu Tech, reminded me of how everything was my fault—”
“Itadori.”
“—I know. I know. I’m done with the self-deprecating bullshit. I got over that, so don’t give me that look,” He awkwardly chuckled, “I did feel bad about leaving everyone, though. I should have been more upfront about that. I owe it to them at least, especially to you, Nobara and our upperclassmen.”
Yuuji tore his gaze up to pointedly look at Megumi, as if trying to convey his sincerity, “What I thought would be a few months ended up being years, and, before I knew it, I stopped talking to everyone who mattered to me.” Was I important to you, Yuuji? Megumi wanted to ask wholeheartedly. He thickly swallowed his feelings down.
Megumi looked up and met Yuuji’s eyes. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yuuji wasn’t letting on the entire truth to him, but Megumi decided to spare him, remaining silent at his expense. He didn’t wanna push him too hard to answers his questions, afraid that it would drive a further distance between the two.
“It couldn’t be helped then,” Yuuji’s eyes slightly grow wide at the second, “You felt that you needed to get away from everything. I get it, Itadori.” I just wish you had told me.
“But still, it wasn’t fair that I was the only one who left. I should’ve stayed to help out everyone.”
“You don’t owe us your kindness, Itadori. You put yourself first and took care of yourself for once. I’m glad that it went well.”
Yuuji’s gaze softened, and he nodded in understanding. “Fushiguro, you’ve always been good at reassuring me whenever I doubted myself. It’s amazing how you haven’t changed even after all these years,” Megumi felt a flush start to rise his neck at Yuuji’s display of sincerity.
“I’m just speaking the truth, that’s all.”
“Well, I still appreciate it, so thank you.”
The two lock eyes for a brief moment. Megumi wants to know more about Yuuji, about what he was thinking at the time and what he really wants from him after all these years. But Megumi also knows that some things aren’t worth pushing. And in this case, he’s afraid of hearing the truth from Yuuji; that he had actually left because of Megumi. He didn’t want his theory to be confirmed by the man himself. Thus, leaving the hypotheticals in the air will do him more good than anything.
They finish their meals and decide to walk around the area as they wanted to explore the area a little before resigning to their beds. They stroll along the concrete path destined for pedestrians and are accompanied by the sounds and smells of the sea.
“On the other hand,” Yuuji brings up, “I’m dying to know what you have been up to. What’s life like back in Tokyo? Any new people that you met? How’s everyone?” Yuuji glances at Megumi, flashing a look that Megumi can’t quite discern. “C’mon, Fushiguro, now’s the time to let it all out.”
He blinks once, twice, before answering, “Well, not much is going on. Just been focused on exorcising curses as usual. Everyone else has been good, I guess. Maki-senpai and Yuuta-senpai are getting married in a few months—”
“What?! I had no clue those two were dating in the first place,” Yuuji blurts.
“Right, you weren’t there when they finally confessed." Megumi voices more bitterly than he expected, "Honestly, this shouldn’t be a surprise given how much Yuuta-senpai would blush at anything Maki-senpai does.”
“Now I feel like an idiot for not noticing.” Yuuji sheepishly rubs his neck.
“You know,” Megumi slows his pace, avoiding Yuuji’s curious gaze, ”I’m sure they would welcome you as a guest if you asked them, right?” As selfish as it is, this could be Megumi’s chance to get Yuuji back in his life. He wants him to be there more than anything, to see him every day, just as they used to.
Yuuji nods comprehensively, “I don’t doubt they would, but,” He notices a flicker of hesitation flash across Yuuji’s eyes, “I don’t know. I don’t wanna intrude or anything—”
“You won’t, Itadori.” I want you there.
Yuuji finally looks up and catches Megumi’s eyes, “Okay. I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t think too hard on it. You’re already welcomed there. I’m sure Nobara will be excited to have you again.”
He waits for a few seconds, as if contemplating something, before asking, “Is Hana also invited?”
What? Why is he bringing her up right now?
“Why do you ask?” Megumi couldn’t stop himself from whipping his head towards the man and meeting his curious gaze.
“I mean, I always wondered when you two would get together. You had a lot of chemistry with her back then.”
Megumi halts his steps, “Itadori, what are you even talking about?”
He shoots Yuuji a perplexed look, who echoes him and slightly looks up to meet Megumi’s gaze. A pregnant silence sits between the two, the background chatter from the pedestrians suddenly becoming too loud.
Yuuji shakes his head, “So, you and Hana aren’t…together?”
“No, we’re not. It would never happen.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Yuuji bites his lip. “Sorry for assuming, Fushiguro.” Yuuji hesitates, “Can I ask why?”
Megumi blinks, thinking about how he wants to say this to Yuuji.
“We’re just not compatible in that way. I don’t see her in that light, and I’m also—” He cuts himself off with a slightly shaky breath. Yuuji tilts his head, unaware of what Megumi wanted to say.
“I’m gay.”
As he muttered those words, Yuuji’s eyes comically expanded, his lips forming a small ‘o’. Like a glass falling and shattering on the floor, the air suddenly felt stiff. As if circulation had been cut off entirely from them.
Megumi averts his eyes in embarrassment as a flush forms on his cheeks. He wasn’t necessarily ashamed of it. He’s had a lot of time to reflect on his sexuality and accept that it wasn’t changeable. After all, he’s a 23-year-old man without any caregivers hanging around his shoulders, begging him to marry a woman. Rather, discovering that part of himself was strongly linked to the man who was standing beside himself and Megumi, while he didn’t mind telling Yuuji the truth, he would never tell him the whole truth either. That he found out he was gay because of the feelings he harbored for Yuuji. And how strongly those feelings shook Megumi’s core to the point of restructuring his entire being.
Yuuji clears his throat and runs a hand through his almost-spikey hair. “Well, now I feel like an idiot for asking,” he mused with a light chuckle, trying to ease the tension that had settled between the two.
“It was something I figured out after Shinjuku. Not like I was particularly thinking about it. But, one day, something happened, and it just struck me that what I was feeling the whole time, that nameless part of me, finally clicked.” He paused, “That’s all there is to it.”
Megumi didn’t want to see Yuuji’s expression. The irrational part of his brain was afraid that he might be able to figure out what he truly meant if Yuuji stared at Megumi long enough.
The echoes of the dark water were helping calm the nerves that Megumi had not realized were crawling all over his body. As much as it felt like a relief to finally tell Yuuji about that part of him, it was taking a toll on his energy.
Eventually, Yuuji said with a soft gaze, “I’m glad you told me, Fushiguro.” Megumi feels like Yuuji has more to say. But they both choose to let the silence speak for itself, dominating the untold truths that were lingering in the air.
Yuuji must have noticed the trace of tension on his face because he gives a soft nudge to Megumi’s shoulder, uttering that they should head back to their room, before walking ahead. Megumi releases a breath he’s been holding for far too long, relief washing over him.
The knot in his chest eases as Megumi follows after Yuuji.
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Megumi peels the bandage off his arm carefully, fixing his eyes on the flashes of blood that are slowly gushing from his cuts. He winces at the disturbing sight before him. How ugly. He’s got to learn how to perform reversed cursed technique to save his life, feeling too ashamed to approach those who are already acquainted with it.
He hates feeling like this. This weakness that remains constant as it claws over his entire being. Months after the Shinjuku incident, Megumi has never felt so pathetic. The constant wallowing over his failures, his inability to help everyone, but instead being the cause of their pain and sorrow, has been eating him up and tearing his soul day-by-day.
The injuries and scars on him only serve as a reminder of his powerless existence. This is why he decided to start taking solo missions only. At least this way, he can avoid disappointing the others, the pitiful looks that tell him everything he needs to know about their perception of him.
The sound of rain outside his dorm room keeps him company in the absence of life in his surroundings. He closes his eyes, lulling in the sense of peace that settles in his chest.
A quick knock wakes him up from his reverie. As much as he would love to avoid the others, he still has a duty to perform as a friend and as a sorcerer. Maybe they needed his help.
He opens the door with his uninjured arm and is greeted by a familiar bed of pink hair, along with a slightly worried expression on the man in front of him.
“Hey, I heard you came back from a mission. Was wondering how it went?” Yuuji scans Megumi’s face and body in his attempt to discern the situation.
“It went fine,” Megumi calmly replies, while hiding his injured arm behind him.
“You sure? I heard the curse was a grade 2, but still, it can get dangerous to go alone.”
Megumi clenches his jaw. He hates this. Somehow, Yuuji’s pity towards him makes his heart tighten tenfold more than that of any other person. To know that the person he respects the most and that has stuck by his side the longest treats him like a fragile piece of glass fills him with simmering irritation.
“I’m fine, Itadori.” He pauses for a brief second, wanting to retreat to his room as quickly as possible. “If that’s all, then.” He starts to close his door when Yuuji firmly grabs it and forces it back open, eyes darting to the bloody bandages decorating the floor. Megumi curses under his breath.
A concerned expression colors Yuuji’s face, and he doesn’t waste any time leaning forward, gently grabbing Megumi’s arm and inspecting it carefully.
Megumi desperately wants to push him away, to fall back into the comfort of his solitude and bury himself in self-agony. He finds it easier to keep to himself than to face the tears of grief painted on everyone’s face whenever he walks in.
Yuuji’s hand on his arm burns feelings of warmth, grounding Megumi through solace and familiarity. He aches for Yuuji’s body and soul. For his care and his relentless effort to keep Megumi alive in this unforgiving world.
But Megumi fears his wants and needs would scare Yuuji away. So, he trusts his gut and follows the most logical reasoning he can.
“I don’t need help,” Megumi yanks his arm away from Yuuji’s almost-tight grip, ignoring the sting that follows.
The pink-haired man stares into Megumi’s eyes, flashing him with a sting of shock. Megumi hates seeing the pained look on his face, but this is a burden he chooses to bear in order to save Yuuji from the despair that gravitates around his life.
“Fushiguro, you don’t have to push me away. I can help y—“
“It’s over, Itadori. You don’t have to keep clinging to my side, to try to save me.” Fushiguro draws a sharp breath, “I don’t need you anymore.”
Yuuji’s eyes widen as he jolts back. Megumi fights the pain that follows as he sees Yuuji shoot him, nodding in understanding before walking away.
Megumi shuts the door and rests his head on it, feeling his lips quiver against his will. He bites them in retaliation, hoping that the ache would distract him from the pang of guilt settling over him.