Archive of Our Own

Vivian passed by Hugo in the hallway. He was walking with a girl by his side. Wait. . . that girl looked familiar. . ? That was his ex-girlfriend! They only broke up yesterday! Of course that bastard wanted to get with his girlfriend as soon as he could. 

He saw how he looked at her. It was a combination of jealousy and something that he couldn't put a finger on. He had been waiting for this day for a long, long time. The whole situation left a bitter taste in Vivian's mouth. Why did he have to get back at him like this out of all ways?

He couldn't bring it up to him of course. That's exactly what Hugo would want. He could virtually see the smug look on his face. He could hear his voice too. "What're you gonna do about it? She left you. She doesn't want you." God, he's so damn annoying. He wanted to to take that smirk off his face in any way that he could. He just didn't know how he was going to. He was tired of just standing there doing nothing while Hugo antagonized him.

He wasn't even the one who started the fights they had. It was always Hugo. He knew he should be the better person and not make anything any worse than it already was, but he couldn't handle being messed with every single day. Maybe things would be different if he would've talked to Hugo when they were younger. Maybe they could've been friends.

Vivian quickly pushed that thought away. Who was he kidding? Him being friends with Hugo was absurd. He couldn't think about him like that after all they've gone through.

He made it to the classroom and sat down in his assigned seat. Of course it was in the very front row right beside every other kid who either had issues with behaving or was the teacher's favorite. Vivian knew he didn't fall into the latter category. And of course the person sitting right behind him was Hugo. 

When class started, Vivian felt Hugo kicking the legs of his chair. The kicking wasn't enough to make any sound or alert anyone. It was just hard enough to make sure Vivian could feel it. Just hard enough to make sure Vivian knew who was behind him. Just hard enough to make sure Vivian couldn't pay attention. 

Before he knew it, the teacher announced that a project would be assigned. A project was just fine with Vivian, but it was what she said after that made him worry. A project with a partner. He didn't think that it could get any worse. The teacher always picked the partners, but apparently, she was feeling "nice" that day. Everyone had to pick their own partners. 

The partners were the same every single time. Best friends and couples made eye contact from across the room signaling to them that they'd be together. When the teacher ordered everyone to get to work with their partner, everyone did. Best friends and couples were sitting in desks beside each other already. But Vivian didn't have a partner. And neither did Hugo. The teacher told them to get together and start working, and they did so unenthusiastically.

"What's this project even supposed to be about anyways?" Hugo asked.

"It's an art class. What do you expect?"

"An art project of course. But what kind of art?"

"You weren't paying attention whatsoever, were you?"

"Nope."

"The teacher said that we had to make a project with our partner that mixes two or more mediums outside the ones we usually use."

"Uh-huh. And what does that mean?"

"It means that we have to combine two kinds of art that we don't practice in class."

"Ohh. . . So what are we gonna do?"

"I have a plan."

"Ooh! Look at you being all smart and prepared!"

"Shut up and just listen for once in your life."

"Fine. But I can't promise that I'll like your idea."

"Good enough. We're going to make a music video with music we made ourselves."

"I don't know about you, but I can't play any instruments."

"Then, you can sing."

"I guess I could do that. ."

"And you better try. I'm not going to get a bad grade on this just because my partner's a douche."

"Fine, fine. You're lucky I'm in need of a good grade or two."

"You're seriously failing art class?"

"Can it, dipshit. You're failing practically every class other than art class!"

Vivian opened his mouth to say something but shut it quickly.

"Cat got your tongue, Vivian?"

That definitely pissed Vivian off. Why did he have to be so condescending? But then again, the way that Hugo said his name made him feel something strange. He felt his face get a little hotter than it should be. "Sh-shut up. ." What the hell?! Now he was stuttering? What happened to him?!

"Aww. Do I make you nervous?"

"N-no!"

"Then how come you're stuttering? Your cheeks are a little red too."

"C-can we jus-st get t-to planning th-the video?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"S-so would y-you be fine if I p-played the guitar in it?" Why was he asking that? He shouldn't care if Hugo was fine with it; he never did before. He should've just said that he was going to play the guitar instead; that's what he wanted to do after all. 

"You play guitar?"

"Yeah. I-I do."

"Are you any good?"

"I'd say I'm pretty good at it."

"Good. Don't mess it up."

"I won't. You should start writing the lyrics you want to sing. It'll help to be prepared."

Hugo didn't reply. He just grabbed his notebook and started scribbling in it. "Are you good at playing something that sounds, I dunno, romantic?"

Of course he'd be writing a love song. It was definitely for his ex-girlfriend. What a way to rub salt in the wound. But if that was what he was going to write, he'd just have to go along with. "Yeah. I can. Why?"

"I've got someone who I want to dedicate it to."

"Oh? And who might that be?"

Hugo's grin faltered for a moment. He didn't look Vivian in the eye but stared at the lyrics he was writing. "None of your business."

"It's Heather isn't it?"

"No. Not Heather."

So it wasn't the girl who dumped him. Who would it be then? "Then how come you were walking with her in the hallway earlier?"

"I was just trying to see if you two broke up yet."

"Why were you doing that?"

"That's none of your business either!"

"So you were trying to get with Heather!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Then how come you always look at her like that!? No one looks at a girl like that unless they wanna get in their pants!"

"That's none of your business!"

"You keep saying that! Why're you getting so defensive over this? Just admit you want Heather!" 

"I don't! You wouldn't understand!"

"Oh so now you're just dark and mysterious all of a sudden?"

"Boys!" the teacher called. "Do I need to send you two to the office?"

"No ma'am," they answered in unison.

"Then get along!"

Vivian and Hugo glared at each other. They could talk about this when they worked on the project tomorrow. 

After class ended, everyone left to go home. Hugo didn't know what he was going to do. He was going to have to tell Vivian sooner or later. He knew that he definitely wanted it to be later for the sake of his nerves. But at the same time, he wanted to just spill everything to Vivian. Maybe it'd turn out alright. Maybe it'd be cool. What was he thinking? After everything they'd been through, he knew nothing would turn out fine. He could always just wait until the feelings blow over, but he knew that wouldn't work. He'd felt this way for years, and they only got worse as time went on.

He tried to open the door to his house. Dammit. Mom was working the nightshift again. She left the door locked, and he forgot his keys on the kitchen table. It'd be at least two in the morning by the time she got home. Thank God he didn't have to work about Kaya; she was sleeping over at a friend's. Maybe Hugo could do that too. . . and then he realized that he didn't have any friends. But he did trust one person enough to let him stay over. Sure, Vivian hated him, but his mom was fine with him. The decision was final: he had to get to Vivian's house.

He walked for about two blocks until he reached the small house. He waited a moment before knocking. He hoped to God that it'd be his mother opening the door. He was wrong. It was, in fact, Vivian. "Is your mom home?" he asked a little quieter than he wanted to. He sounded like a child selling fundraiser chocolate bars to all his neighbors. 

"Why do you wanna know?"

"I've got a question."

"Fine. I'll go get her. MOM! SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU!"

Hugo kicked the dirt on the ground around with his shoe. Why was he so anxious all of a sudden? Vivian's mother finally came out of the kitchen. Her long brown hair was tied into a bun at the back of her head. A white, stained apron was draped over the tall woman's thin frame. Her sharp blue eyes were sunken into her skull causing her skull to cast a light shadow over her eyes. Her red lips were curled into an almost eerie smile as she greeted Hugo. "What do you need, sweetie?" she asked. The woman's voice matched her appearance for the most part save for one thing; it sounded fake. The motherly tone sounded forced. The warmth seemed less like a fire and more like a heater. There was a hint of a bitter bite to her voice. 

"Do you think that I could stay over here while I wait for my mom to get home? I locked myself out by accident, and she'll be getting home late."

"That'd be just fine, honey. Supper's gonna be ready in a little bit if you're hungry."

"Thank you Ms. Asentra"

"Please, Hugo. Call me Beth."

"Okay. ."

"Vivian. Go show Hugo to your room. You're going to share a room. . . If Hugo's fine with that of course."

"Would it be fine if I just slept on my own? I'm not really the easiest to sleep beside."

"That'd be just fine, babe. Vivian can just sleep on the couch."

"What? Mom! You can't just kick me out of my room!"

"Vivian! Hugo is a guest! Back in my day, we would do whatever we could to make our guests comfortable!"

"Fine. . ."

Vivian shot a glare at Hugo. 

"I saw that. Apologize to Hugo. Now."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Don't talk back to me, young man!"

"I'm sorry, Hugo. I don't mean to be such a horrible host. I hope we can put our differences behind us and mend the bonds of our friendship."

Hugo couldn't think of what to say. How come Vivian just backed down like that? He never backed down from a fight. What was Vivian's mother doing to make him act so differently? For the first time, Vivian seemed scared of--- or at least hesitant to yell at--- someone. Why was that?

"I mean, I don't have to have the room to myself. I really am fine sharing."

"Nonsense! Vivian's just fine with sleeping on the couch, right?"

"Right. Anyways, Hugo. I'll show you to my---"

"Ah. Try again."

"---the room." 

"Good. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything, honey."

"Thank you, Ms. As--- Beth."

Vivian walked into the hallway. He walked a little fast with his head down; he didn't look defeated though. He whispered something to himself, but Hugo couldn't quite hear it. He pointed to where his bedroom was. The walls were covered in black and white band posters; all the ones that Hugo could make out were Nirvana posters though. There was a small wooden desk in the corner of the room adjacent to the tidy bed. There was a wardrobe in the other corner. Hugo couldn't help but feel like something was missing, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it just yet. When he walked into the room and tried to close the door, he realized exactly what it was. The door was gone. Strange. 

He sat on the bed for a moment. Vivian didn't follow. Why wasn't he coming into the room too? "Aren't you coming?"

"No. I've gotta go talk to my mom for a second."

With that, Vivian left. Hugo wanted to follow him. Wait. Why was he acting like some sort of dog looking for a treat from its owner? He knew he liked Vivian, but he didn't realize that he was that smitten. He laid his head down on the pillow. Vivian's pillow. He tilted his head a bit and breathed deeply. He could smell Vivian on the pillow and blankets. He wrapped himself in one of the blankets. It was warm like an embrace from someone. No, not someone: Vivian.

He shut his eyes and imagined that Vivian was lying beside them. He could nearly feel the other boy's arms around him. He could feel his breathing on his neck. He leaned his head back onto where Vivian's chest would be. He could hear Vivian whisper something in his ear. He couldn't quite tell what it was though. "What was that?" he heard himself mutter. Before he could get an answer, he heard a loud smack.

He was snapped out of his fantasy even quicker than it started. What made that sound? He got off of the bed and rushed into the corner. 

What he saw in the kitchen shocked him to say the least. Vivian was sitting at the table holding his hand on his cheek. The boy's mother was still standing at the stove with a small smile on her face. Hugo could tell exactly what happened, but he couldn't bring himself to think about it.

He went to sit beside Vivian. He didn't have any idea of what to do. Should he say something? Should he try and comfort him? What was he supposed to do in this situation?

Vivian's mother set the food in front of both of the boys. Vivian swirled his spoon around the liquid as Hugo ate. 

"Don't play with your food, Vivian."

"Yes, ma'am."

Vivian took a small spoonful and drank the soup. He didn't even finish eating half of it before asking, "May I be excused?"

"Go to sleep. You're not going to be doing anything else until your soup's finished."

"Yes, ma'am." Vivian walked to the couch and lied down. Hugo couldn't help but feel a little awkward. He finished his soup and set the bowl by the sink. He went to Vivian's bedroom and got back into bed. He covered himself with one of the blankets and shut his eyes. He couldn't fall asleep whatsoever.

Before he knew it, it was already midnight. He walked out into the living room and saw Vivian on the couch. He wasn't asleep either; he was just sitting there. Hugo could tell that he was deep in thought, but he couldn't tell what it was.

"Are you alright?" Hugo asked. 

"Why do you care?"

"Please, Vivian. I can tell that that something happened."

"It's not your problem."

Hugo sat beside Vivian on the couch. "Your face is still red, Viv."

"Don't call me that. I'm not your friend."

"Did she do this more than once?"

"I said it's not your problem. Go back to bed."

"I'm not going to sleep in your bed alone."

"What are you saying?"

"I want you to sleep beside me."

"What's gotten into you? What happened to you wanting to sleep alone?"

"I changed my mind."

"My mom put you up to this didn't she?"

"No. I'm completely serious. Let's go to bed." Hugo stood up from the couch.

"Fine." Vivian reluctantly stood up and followed Hugo to the bedroom. 

Hugo lied down first, and Vivian followed. They were practically falling off the bed, and Hugo used that as an excuse to move closer. "Could you get a little closer? I'm kind of sitting on the edge here." 

Vivian sighed and put his arms around Hugo. They were as close as they could be at that moment. Surprisingly, they fit perfectly on the bed. Hugo managed to fall asleep quickly. That left Vivian alone in the dark.

He listened to Hugo's breathing. It was slow and rhythmic. Vivian pulled Hugo closer and rested his head in between Hugo's neck and shoulder. He shut his own eyes and did eventually fall asleep in that exact position.

When they woke up in the morning, the room seemed much more relaxed in a way. Hugo was the first to wake up. He didn't want to move just yet though. He pushed himself back closer to Vivian. The movement, even though it was small, managed to wake Vivian. He sat up one side of the bed and stood up to get dressed for school.

He opened the wardrobe and grabbed some clothes. No matter how much he tried, Hugo's eyes were glued to Vivian. He watched as the other boy took off his shirt and put on another one. When Vivian looked back at him, he turned the other way. Maybe it wasn't a very good idea to get caught staring by the guy who he was supposed to hate. 

Vivian knew full well that Hugo was staring at him. He could feel his eyes glued to his torso. It felt a little strange to be watched so intently like that especially by Hugo. But he couldn't help but think that it was almost. . . exciting in a weird kind of way.

Hugo stood up from the bed as well and stood awkwardly. "I should probably get going home soon," he mumbled halfheartedly. 

"Are you sure? You could probably stay for breakfast if you'd like. My mom seems to like you a lot. Maybe even more than me." Vivian laughed awkwardly. It was a joke, of course. But he almost felt like it was true. No, it was true, and he knew it.

"Oh. I'd like that. Thanks."

The two of them walked out of Vivian's bedroom to see the woman in the kitchen cooking breakfast. "Good morning, boys. Did you sleep well, Hugo?"

"Good morning. Yeah. I slept alright."

"Vivian?"

"What?"

"You and I need to have a talk. My room, now."

What's that supposed to mean? Hugo wondered. He watched as Vivian followed his mother into the bedroom. The door shut with a soft click. It was locked. Maybe Vivian was going to be fine, but something, something was telling Hugo that wouldn't quite be the case. 

Hugo waited for a few minutes for Vivian and his mother to come out of the bedroom. And then he waited a few more. And a few more. When they finally came out, it looked as if nothing had happened at all. Ms. Asentra was walking close behind Vivian with her hand on his shoulder. It didn't look like his mother did anything just judging on the look on his face. But that was the thing. There wasn't any look on his face. He just looked numb. Why? Hugo wanted to ask, but he knew that he probably shouldn't. 

The tall woman plated the food and set it in front of the boys. 

They ate their food rather quickly and started out the door when they were finished. They were walking together along the wide sidewalk. Vivian put his hood over his head and toyed with the strings on it. Hugo watched as a tear flowed down Vivian's cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. "Viv, are you crying?" he asked quietly.

"No! I'm not crying. I've got no reason to be crying. Why would you care anyways?"

"Please, Viv. I know we don't get along, but I need you to be honest with me."

"Fine. . . I guess I am feeling a little off today."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure you actually want to listen to me."

"Dude. You didn't even mention me calling you Viv. There's clearly something really bad going on."

"I really am fine. Trust me."

"Then how come you didn't say anything about the nickname?"

"Just got used to it."

"Seriously? You just got used to me calling you Viv?"

"Yeah. Exactly that."

"So I can call you Viv whenever I want?"

Vivian smiled. Hugo was kind of cute when he asked such a random, dumb question. Hold on. Cute? Since when did he find Hugo cute? Maybe the sleep deprivation was finally catching up to him; he was probably just out of his head. 

"You seem happy today. Did you hit your head or something?" 

"No. I just slept better than usual last night."

"Are you getting, like, two hours of sleep every night?"

"Yeah. Actually. I've got some pretty bad insomnia."

"Huh. It sounds like I should sleep over more often. Maybe you wouldn't act like such a dick all the time."

"I don't act like that all the time!"

"Oh yes you are! Why do you think Heather left you? You're a dick!"

Vivian paused for a minute. That was crossing a bit of a line. "What'd you say?"

"Heather left you 'cause you're such a dick."

That was the only reminder he needed. They could get along. . . for a moment. They weren't going to be friends; the most they could be were acquaintances. It was the eye of a hurricane, calm just before the storm. He was only going to get quick glares from Hugo, never loving stares. He grew a little quieter. "Yeah. You're right."

"Finally you're agreeing with me! You really need to get more sleep. Maybe you'd get a girlfriend who actually likes you then."

"Yeah. That'd be nice, getting a girlfriend."

"Why're you getting so quiet? Did I say something?" Hugo smirked.

That look made Vivian stiffen. He knew that smirk all too well. And it never went away. How did he end up falling for Hugo over just one night? It disgusted him. He's supposed to like girls; he's not supposed to fall in love with Hugo of all people. He had to get rid of these horrible thoughts; it didn't matter how; it just had to happen. He went completely silent. 

Maybe I just need to get a girlfriend. I can't have these thoughts if I have them for someone else. Maybe Mom would be proud of me.

Eventually, they got to the school. Vivian walked ahead of Hugo into the building. 

How could he have been so stupid? He knew Hugo never actually liked him. He knew that he shouldn't like him--- especially like that. But he still did. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the thought of how it felt to sleep beside the other boy, but so did the thought that he'd never get to do it ever again.

He walked to class, and before he knew it, the last hour of the day came. He sat down and listened to the teacher tell the class to keep working on their projects.

"Did you work on any of the music?" Hugo asked.

"What do you think?"

"No?"

"Yeah. What about you. Did you write down any lyrics?"

"No."

"Then get to it. We need to get the song drafted, the song written, the song memorized, the video planned, the plan memorized, record the video, and then edit all of it. We're not gonna get it all done before the deadline if we're not working on it."

"Right. I'll get to it."

The two grabbed their notebooks and started writing in them.

Vivian scribbled a few letters and lines on his paper. He didn't know how to read music--- let alone write it--- but he knew the names of the chords and which ones went well together. . . kind of. He could always rewrite them if need be. 

The bell had rung just as Vivian scribbled the last letter of the song. He picked everything up and walked out of the classroom. The hallway was filled with people bumping into each other, but Vivian knew fully how to avoid everyone. One of the only things he could thank his mom for was her genes. He could weave through practically any nigh objects because he was so thin and tall--- like a damn skeleton. He never really thought about how useful it was save for when he actually used it. 

On his way home, he went over the letters scribbled in his notebook. That G minor won't sound good there. It belongs in the bridge, not the chorus. He reached into his pocket and crossed it out to replace it with a C major instead. Perfect.

He walked onto the porch and opened the front door. He saw his mom on the couch watching TV like always. He went to his bedroom and grabbed his guitar from beside the desk he hardly ever sat at anymore. He sat down on the bed and looked over the letters he wrote. 

Soon the room was filled with the soft strums of the guitar. The chords came out rough at first, but once he finally got the hang of changing the positions on the fretboard, they came out smoothly. The music was almost perfect. . . except for the second half of the chorus. It should sound different. It should fit in perfectly with everything else, but it didn't. Vivian started over again but changed the tempo of the part. It still wasn't good enough. He tried playing it on its own, and it sounded wrong. Maybe there weren't enough major chords? He checked the music, and all there were were major chords. He scribbled out one of the chords and replaced it. He played everything over again, and somehow, it made it better. 

He went back to playing it again, and it sounded perfect. Perfect for an assignment that is. He wondered if Hugo would like it. Maybe he had written lyrics that fit the music perfectly--- they'd be each other's missing half. That was a dumb thought. He should just get back to practicing. That way, there'd be no possibility of messing up when they recorded. 

"VIVIAN! SUPPER'S READY!"

Vivian sighed and went into the dining room and sat down at the table. It was soup again. He took a spoonful of it and ate a bit of it. He wasn't even hungry. He never was anymore. "Mom?"

"What?"

"I'm not really hungry. Could I just. . . save this for tomorrow?"

"You're so ungrateful! I spent hours making this, and you won't even eat it?! Why do I do anything for you if you'll never do anything for me?! Other people your age don't disrespect their elders! Why can't you be like them?! Why do you have to act like a damn child all the time?!"

"I'm sorry. . . I just---"

"Don't you dare talk back to me! Eat your fucking food."

"Okay. . ."

"And when you're done, you've gotta go to Hugo's house. I'm going out, and I don't trust you here alone."

"Where're you going. . ?"

"None of your business! I swear, Vivian, your nosiness is gonna get you hurt one day."

"I'm sorry. . ."

Vivian ate his soup slowly. The fact that it tasted so bland didn't help the fact that he already didn't want to eat it. 

"Hurry up. I've gotta be out of here soon."

He took the bowl and drank it all. He felt like he was going to throw up. That damn medication made him so, so nauseous after eating.

He stood up from the table and set his bowl down by the sink. 

"Now get to Hugo's house. I'm tired of waiting."

Vivian didn't respond, just walked out the front door and to Hugo's house. He knocked on the door hesitantly. Hugo's sister answered it.

"What're you doing here?"

"My mom sent me here."

"Then come in, I guess. Our parents aren't home, and I don't think they will for a while."

"That's fine." Vivian walked into the house and stood awkwardly. 

"I'll go get Hugo. He says you two have a project to work on."

"Oh, you don't have to. I'm sure---"

"HUGO! VIVIAN'S HERE!"

Hugo came out from his bedroom and just stood outside the door. "Why're you here?"

"Um. . . To work on the project."

"Did you bring your guitar?"

"No. I forgot it, and my mom locked me out."

"You're such an idiot."

"Did you even finish writing the lyrics?"

"Yes, actually. I did."

"Can I hear them then?"

"Yeah. Come into the room. I'll show you."

"Fine." Vivian went into Hugo's bedroom and just stood there. "You gonna show me or what?"

"I--- yeah. Hold on for a second." Hugo grabbed his notebook and gave it to Vivian. "Just read it."

Vivian read over the lyrics of the song. They seemed romantic, exactly like he said. It all just made him wonder who they were meant for. They had to be for someone. No one just wrote those kind of lyrics--- lyrics with so much passion, so much yearning--- would just write them from imagination. It was probably one of those really pretty girls with icy blue eyes, flawless skin, hourglass bodies, perfect makeup, and long perfectly styled hair. Maybe he'd tell him if he asked. 

"Who's it about?"

"Just some. . . girl I know."

"Who though? I might know her. Or at least her face."

"Her name is V. . er. .onica. . ."

Why'd he say it like that? "I don't think I've met her. What does she look like?"

"Um. . . I don't know."

"How'd you write a whole song about her if you don't even know what she looks like?"

"I just did. What's the problem?"

"It just sounds like you're lying about it."

"And? It's not your business anyways."

"I see how it is. It's Heather, isn't it? The line about being so quiet all of the time, the line about long hair, the line about the perfect eyeliner. That's practically describing her at that point."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't like Heather?! It's not about her!"

"Then who is it about?!"

"It's about you! I like you!"

"Quit lying to me! You don't like me! You're just trying to get me to stop asking questions!"

"I'm not lying to you! Why do you think I actually asked you to come to bed with me? Why do you think I'm constantly staring at you? I've liked you for a long, long time, Vivian! Why can't you just understand that?"

"No you don't! You can't like me! It's not right! You're supposed to hate me! You can't like me like that!"

Hugo's gaze softened. Vivian wasn't mad; he was scared. He moved forward and grabbed onto his hands. They were rough and rigid. His fingers were long and calloused with the bones that met at the knuckles slightly protruding. There were a few cuts and scars on both of his hands; each scar was raised to a different elevation, and each cut was a different shade of red. His hands were cold and shaking a lot. He always thought about what his hands would feel like, but he could never imagine it would be like this. "Viv. . . I'm serious. I really like you. I was never looking at Heather; I was looking at you the whole time."

"Don't call me that. I can tell you're lying." But he never pulled his hands away. It was like he wanted all of it to be true, and something within him believed that it was.

Hugo instead moved his hands to to Vivian's face. "I swear to God. You've gotta be the most stubborn person I know. But you have to believe me. What does it take for you to trust me?"

Vivian leaned into Hugo's touch slightly. "I don't know. I just can't believe that anyone--- particularly you--- likes me."

"Then how about you just try to. Or at least imagine what it'd be like if you could."

"I guess I could try to do that. . ."

"Good. Thank you." Hugo brushed his thumb across Vivian's cheek.

"You're welcome, I guess."

"How do you feel now? About me liking you?"

"I feel the same. . ." He lifted his own hands up to touch Hugo's. "But I think I like you too. . . I think the reason I've been so mad at you for always looking at who I thought to be Heather was because you weren't looking at me. I think I was jealous of her, not you."

"Then you were denying everything the whole time? Why?"

"Because it's all wrong. I'm not supposed to feel this way for another boy. It's a sin."

"Why's that so much of a problem?"

"My mom. . . she really doesn't like it when anyone's sinning. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I want her to be proud of me. I'm not the best son I could be, but I don't really want to be the worst I could. Sure, I'd love to be able to feel like this and not worry about anything, but I can't."

"But what if she didn't know?"

"She's bound to find out. She always does."

Without even thinking about anything, Hugo kissed Vivian--- quickly, but it still meant something. "Then how about we just do it until we can't anymore? What if we keep our love secret until she finds out?"

"God damn it, Hugo." Vivian pulled away from Hugo's hands. "We can't. We'll go to Hell if we do it."

Hugo dropped his hands down to his sides, disappointed. Maybe he was right. Even then, it hurt like Hell. Ironic, he thought bitterly. To get out of going to Hell when we die, we have to live like we're already in it. We're in Hell either way. 

"We should. . . get back to work on our project."

"What?"

"We can start planning the video."

"Right now?"

"Why not now?"

"Why not now?! You're not taking this seriously! Are you some kind of unfeeling doll?!"

"We have to get this finished. Work comes first and then feelings. We have a task, and we'll do it."

"What is your problem? Why do you always act like you don't feel anything other than anger?"

"Emotions get in the way. They don't let you get anything done. And you're useless unless you can get things done."

"What're you talking about?"

"What are you not understanding? We can deal with what just happened after we get our video planned."

"You're acting different, Viv."

"How so?"

"You sound like some kind of script is running through your head."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Let's get to work."

"You're shutting down, Viv. There's clearly something wrong, and you're ignoring it. You're not in the right condition to work."

"Yes I am. There's nothing wrong."

"Would you quit it already? I can see it in your eyes; I can hear it in your voice; your body language especially shows it. You can't deny it."

"Fine. I admit it. I'm not necessarily in the best mood right now."

"You're not saying the whole truth. Spit it all out."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. We've got practically all night, and you need to get everything out of your system."

"What are you? Some kinda therapist?"

"No. I'm just worried about you. I care about you."

"I don't really know how to explain it in a way that makes too much sense. All I can say is that I don't feel good enough. I want my mom to be proud of me; I want her to see me how she used to. I don't want to give her another reason to want to get rid of me. I know I've never been the best son. I know I'm disgusting on the inside and out. I'm rotten, but it really isn't my fault. It's never been my intention to be so unlovable; I don't think it's anyone's fault if I'm being honest. When I was dating Heather, I felt like maybe--- just maybe--- I was getting better, but I wasn't. I just liked what it felt like to be loved, and I attached myself to the feeling. When that feeling was taken away from me, I realized that I was just distracting myself from the pain I was feeling. I felt like I'd never be loved again. But you said you did. And when you kissed me like that, it hurt. It was just a bitter reminder that I can't have you. It's like sinking in a frozen lake, and I got one breath of the air I so desperately needed. I keep getting farther and farther from the surface. I'm not dead yet, but I know I will be. I want to get to the shore, but the ice keeps me from it. I tried to break it long, long ago, but I'm too tired. I've started sinking. I know I'm going to end up at the bottom one day, or maybe I'll die by then. As each day passes by, it becomes more and more of a reality. At this point, I'm not even sad because of it; I just feel numb. I feel like there's nothing else that I'm supposed to do other than let life pass by. It's so tiring to be in the shell of my own body, but it's so comforting at the same time. I never have to feel bad about anything. But it makes me wonder: What would it be like to feel happy again? What would take to be happy? I don't think I'll find that out anytime soon. Maybe I'll die this way. There's no way to tell until I do die though."

"You've been keeping all of this in for a long time, haven't you?"

"I guess you can say that."

"Have you just been bottling up all your emotions the whole time?"

"Yeah. And I guess I just forgot how to feel in the process."

"Then how come you seem angry all the time? I don't mean to sound like I'm downplaying anything. I'm just a little confused."

"I just think it's the one emotion that's strong enough to break the barrier."

"Oh. . . I think I understand. . Not that I've been through anything like that, but I understand what you mean."

"Thanks for listening to me. I didn't mean to talk your ear off or anything."

"Don't worry about it. Do you feel better about it?"

"A little, but not much. It didn't change anything, but it felt kinda good to get it out of my system."

"That's good. How about we get some sleep? It's getting late, and you need sleep."

"Alright, but I'm sleeping on the floor. It doesn't feel right sleeping next to you."

"Are you sure you want to sleep on the floor? We've got a guest bedroom if you want to sleep there."

"I don't want to be alone. And the floor's comfortable in a way."

"Alright. Do you want a blanket or anything?"

"No, thank you. I like being cold."

"You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable."

"I know that. Like I said, I like being cold, and the floor's comfortable."

"Alright. . . but if---"

"Hugo. I'll be fine."

"Sorry. I just really care about you, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Please, Hugo. Just stop caring about me. It'll only get you hurt."

Hugo sat down on his bed without another word. Maybe it was how Vivian said it, but that statement put a hole in his chest. He couldn't just not care about him.

Vivian lied down on the floor with a sigh. He shut his eyes, but he didn't quite fall asleep.

Hugo rested his head on his pillow and tried to fall asleep, but that void in his chest kept him up. 

Minutes passed. And soon they turned into hours. Both of the boys were still awake. They both knew the other couldn't sleep, and the thought made them even more restless. Before they knew it, 3:00 had come.

And then 5:00.

And then 7:00. 

Vivian stood up from the floor and opened Hugo's bedroom door. He left the house and went back to his own. 

Hugo heard the front door open and shut, and he sat up. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He still had to get to school. Maybe if he just ate breakfast, he'd have some energy to get through the day. He hardly had the energy to get out of bed. Maybe just five more minutes couldn't hurt. . .

He closed his eyes and fell asleep fast. When he woke up, he looked at the clock expecting it to be 7:30 at the latest. . . shit. He slept for way too long; it was already 3:50. He never missed school until today. This wasn't happening. He didn't miss school. This was all just a nightmare, a really realistic nightmare. He looked at the clock again. The time was the same. Nothing looked like a dream. God damn it. 

The next day at school, Hugo walked into the classroom awkwardly. Maybe no one would say anything. That's what he hoped at least. He sat down in his desk and listened to the teacher's lecture. He took a few notes here and there, but something kept his eyes glued to the back of Vivian's head. Was he ignoring him? He never really did pay attention to him, but it hurt a little bit.

The rest of the day passed even faster than it started. Hugo did the assignments he was given, he listened to the teachers, he took notes, but he never did anything until the the last period of the day. 

The teacher, yet again, gave them the class period to work on the project.

"Viv," Hugo started. "About last night. . ."

"Can we just forget about the whole thing?"

"That's exactly what I was going to say. What I did was. . . dumb. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I messed up bad, and I'm so sorry."

"Please, can you just stop talking about it?"

"Yeah. . . sorry. Should we change the song just so we don't make things any weirder than they need to?"

"We've already spent enough time on the song, and we only have five days to get everything done. We're so close to finishing, and we might as well use an excuse to be close to each other."

"Wait. What?"

Vivian's cheeks were dusted with a light blush. "I didn't mean to say that. I just--- ugh. Just forget I said anything."

"Anyways. . . the video. I've got a rough idea of how we could do it."

"Hit me with it."

"I know it all sounds really corny, but bear with me. It'll start out with a black screen and the title of the song, and it'll fade into us just playing the music. You'll be playing the guitar beside me singing, obviously. It'll cut to us fighting. Just as soon as one of us is about to get hit, it'll transition to us slow dancing just as the lyric "Aren't you glad I kissed my knuckles before hitting your heart?" is sung. The chorus will start, and it'll be me staring at you and zooming in on each of the features as they're mentioned. I haven't thought of anything for the next verses, but I thought of the pre-chorus in detail. You'll be holding a knife over me lying on the ground with blood falling from my mouth. I'll sing the words, "Won't you repay the favor by kissing the knife?" and you'll stab me, and just like the first time, it'll cut to a different scene. This time, we'll be kissing. If that's fine with you, of course."

"I'm guessing you really want to do that last part?"

"We don't have to do all of it, of course. We can always do the dancing twice if we need to."

"No! We should just go somewhere that's just not my house."

"We can definitely do that. My bedroom has a lock if we wanna go that way. . ."

Vivian blushed a little more. Get your mind out of the gutter! He didn't mean it like that. he told himself. "That'd be smart. Just so we can be alone. . Not like that. But just, like, so no one gets in our shot."

"Right. We've got that figured out. Where should we record the actual music?"

"There's actually a place I know a little while away from here. I'm pretty sure it was a mall at some point, but I'm not quite sure. It looks pretty damn cool on the inside, and it's got pretty good acoustics. I've got an idea for how we could do the verses you haven't made up yet. The first one, like you said should be a fight. But we could make it look like it's happening on multiple days until the dance scene. After the chorus, we could be on the roof dancing. But there should be a time when everything goes silent, and the knife scene happens."

"Am I reading into this too much or are you basing this off of real life?"

"I am, trust me. It'll feel more natural that way."

"Right. ."

"Perfect! We're halfway there. I think that if I can get my mom's car, we can record the music and most of the video, and if we're not out too late, we could even get the kiss scene done. We can work on some of the editing at school tomorrow if we really work at it enough. After school, we can get together and work on the special effects an all that. And that should leave us with. . . what day is it again? Right. That'll leave us with a few extra days."

"What if we do the kiss scene before we go to the mall? I think that if we close the blinds and let some of the sunlight in, it'd give a nice effect."

"And then that should give me time to get my mom's car. And if it doesn't work, it'll give us time to walk there. Or use your parents' car if they'll let us."

"I'm starting to feel like I should've kissed you earlier. We've gotten more done today than we have all week."

"I'm pretty sure if you would've, that would've ended up with me choking you."

"So you're into that kinda shit? Maybe I should've kissed you earlier. What a missed opportunity, man."

"What?! No! I meant that I would've tried to kill you not fuck you! What's wrong with you?!"

"It was just a joke, Viv. You need to relax a little."

"That isn't something you joke about, Hugo. That was weird."

"You have to admit, though, it was kind of funny. And you can't even blame me. You gave me the setup, and I just delivered the punchline."

"You didn't have to make it such a lewd joke."

"C'mon, Viv. You have to admit it was a little funny."

"Joking about me choking you during sex is not funny."

"Not when you phrase it like that it isn't. It sounds better when I call it a missed opportunity because it implies that I wanna do it with you, and I missed the chance to because we were too busy fighting. It would never happen, obviously. It probably just sounds even weirder now that I'm explaining it all."

"It really does, dipshit. No sex joke sounds normal when you explain it."

"Fair. Was it at least a little funny though? Before I explained it, that is."

"Barely, but yes."

"That's good enough for me."

That's when the bell rang. Vivian and Hugo shoved everything back into their backpacks and stood up from their desks. Hugo walked strangely close to Vivian; that earned them all some stares from a few people passing by. That included Heather. Only she didn't stop at looks. "What're you two doing so close?" she asked. "Don't you two, like, hate each other?"

Before Vivian could answer, Hugo cut in clinging onto Vivian's arm. "Not anymore. He's my boyfriend now." 

That bastard. He's lying! He was trying to get back at her! He couldn't bring himself to say anything about it, though. Maybe if he just went with it, Heather would want to get back with him. That's not what he really wanted, though, was it? No. He wanted Hugo, the one thing he couldn't have. 

"No you're not. I know Vivian. He wouldn't date a guy."

"Oh, yes he would. He is, too."

"Fine. Think what you want to. But when he leaves you for a girl, don't say I didn't tell you so."

"No need. Now if you'll excuse us, we have places to be."

"Alright. Bye, Vivi! And Hugo."

On their way to Hugo's house, the silence felt awkward. "Why'd you say that?" Vivian asked.

"I don't know. I just got jealous. I don't know what made me say it; I just did. I tend to let my mouth run a little bit when I'm nervous. Sorry."

"You know what that means, right?"

"No. What does it mean?"

"We have to tell Heather you lied about us dating."

"Oh. That's not bad. But. . ."

"Don't you dare say what I think you're gonna say. We're not doing it."

"Fine. I'm just saying, we have to present our project to the class; if we're gonna do that, we might as well go through with it all the way."

"You're such an idiot. We don't have to date just because we're acting for an assignment."

"But what if we did? I'm just saying: we'd be, like, the best couple."

"Oh, really? Maybe I'll think about it."

"Thank you. ."

Both of them walked onto the front porch and into the house. Kaya was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Mom's out getting groceries. She says she'll be home at about five or six."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Let's go now."

"What's Vivian doing here?"

"We're filming for our project."

"You better let me see it when you're done. This is gonna be interesting."

"Hell no. It's an assignment not some public video."

"Fine. I'll just tell Vivian what you say about him."

"I already told him. It's not gonna work."

"Oh come on! Just don't film in the living room. I'm not moving from here."

"Didn't plan on it."

Vivian and Hugo slipped into his bedroom. Hugo closed the blinds and shut the lights off before making the bed look exactly how he wanted it to--- messy but neat at the same time. He shifted the pillow one more time before lying down.

"So how am I supposed to. . . do this?"

Hugo sat up and propped himself up on his hands behind his back. "I'm not quite sure. Come here."

Vivian sat down on the bed beside Hugo.

Hugo lied back down and positioned himself intently with his arms thrown loosely above his head and one of his legs slightly off the side of the bed before shifting again. He moved only his legs, though. He moved both of his legs onto the bed and angled his head a little to the left.

"What're you doing?"

"Seeing what pose works the best. You should try doing it."

"You mean, like, with you?"

"Yeah. We can rehearse a little bit. It'll help the final product."

"Right, okay. Uh. ." Vivian moved over top of Hugo. He wedged one of his legs in between the other's and put his hands right beside his. It felt a little weird--- no, really weird--- being on top of Hugo like this. But he had to admit, he looked pretty from this angle. "Is this good?"

"Yeah. I think this should work for the scene. Should we start filming now?"

"Sounds good to me. . What're we gonna film it on?"

"I've got my laptop. I think that camera should work."

"Do you want me to grab it?"

"Yes, please. It should be in the top drawer of my desk."

Vivian got off of Hugo and went to the desk he opened the drawer. He grabbed the laptop from it and shut it. "Where do you want me to set it?"

"Maybe you could move the nightstand over? Sorry. I don't mean to act like I'm just telling you what to do. You're just, y'know, standing, and I'm not necessarily the strongest person."

"You're good, man. I'm fine moving things." Vivian set the computer down on the nightstand before grabbing onto the edges of it. He lifted it up a little bit off the ground and off to the side where they needed to put it.

There was something about watching Vivian walk around and move things just because he asked while he just lied there that made him feel some type of way. It wasn't like he wanted to order him around everywhere, but he definitely liked the sight of it. "When're you gonna come back to bed?" he asked without even thinking. His mouth, like always, ran without any meaning.

"In a second. It's almost right where it needs to be."

"Can you hurry up? I'm getting bored."

"That's your only problem? Not even that we're slowly running out of time?"

"We're running out of time because of your dumbass."

"Fine, fine. I'm done."

"Good. Push record and get on top of me again."

"Don't say it like that, man. What is it with you and saying strings of words with the most sexual connotations?"

"I dunno. It's probably the same reason you sound like an English teacher. Just do it already."

Vivian moved into the same position as before. 

"Good boy. ."

"What the hell, man. Again, with the damn sexual shit. Are you doing some kind of twisted method acting?"

"You could say that. Can we get this over with? I wanna see how this looks."

"Yeah. But we have to make sure we get the perfect take."

"Mhm. ." He threaded his fingers through Vivian's faded blue hair. "Just kiss me already, Viv."

Vivian took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves. He crashed his lips into Hugo's.

He got completely lost in the kiss. He tilted his head a bit and moved his mouth with more passion. He could hardly think about anything but the boy underneath him. He bit down on Hugo's bottom lip causing a barely audible sigh to come from him. Dear God, he loved that sound. He never even thought about it, but he started kissing Hugo's neck. That very action caused even more beautiful sounds to spill from his mouth; this time, they were louder--- barely, but still louder. He kept his mouth drifting further down until he reached his collarbone right above his shirt.

". . What're you doing?"

He pulled himself away from Hugo as much as he could--- he still had his hands in his hair. "My bad. . I got a bit carried away. ."

"Don't stop. It feels. . . so nice."

"Oh. Are you sure. . ?"

"Of course, baby. Go as far as you want--- I'll stop you if you get too carried away."

"Don't call me 'baby'. . We. . . we aren't a thing. ."

That hurt a bit. Why was Vivian acting so warm one second and cold the next? Why couldn't he just admit what he wanted? Anyone could tell if they looked close enough. No, they didn't have to look; they just had to listen. Anyone could hear the hesitation in his voice whenever he said that he didn't want to be a 'thing' or the way his eyes drifted off when he said he didn't want to be called 'baby.' "But you want to, don't you?" Maybe if he confronted him, he'd come to his senses. 

Vivian hid his face in the side of Hugo's neck and nodded. "More than anything. ."

"Do you want to do it then?"

"Yes, please. ."

Silence. They just held onto each other for a while. Vivian moved himself down to rest his chin on Hugo's chest. Hugo played with the strands of hair on his head. He looked so amazing up close. It was like some sort of painting--- not a portrait, but a landscape. The sky and stars to be specific. He ran his thumb over his cheek just to feel the little bumps on his skin.

"We should get going. . It's getting a bit late."

"Can we just put it off 'til tomorrow? I'm a little tired."

"I guess so. . I should go home then. My mom's gonna be pissed if I don't hurry."

"Can I come with you?"

"Yeah. Just don't act weird, please? My mom makes such big deals about dumb shit."

"I won't, I promise. . . unless. . ."

"I don't have a bedroom door yet."

"Aw. . Can I get a few more kisses before we leave?"

"Not any long ones. Mom's gonna kill me. And I swear to fucking God, if you make it look like anything between us happened---"

"You talk so much for someone who's supposed to get out of here quick."

Vivian grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Shut it, dickhead."

"Then kiss me!"

"How come you can't just do it yourself?"

"'Cause I want you to do it. I'm not good at leading these kind of things. So get to it already!"

"Okay, bossy." 

Hugo giggled to himself. He liked telling Vivian what to do and not having to do it himself. It felt even better to know he would do it. He couldn't even get another word in before Vivian finally kissed him. It was better than last time; it meant more than a school project. He murmured nonsense against Vivian's mouth quietly. He put his hands in his hair tighter than earlier, pulling himself even closer. Their breathing got hotter heavier as time went on. He moved his hands out of his hair and onto his chest. He pushed both of them into a sitting position. He straddled Vivian and moved his hands onto his back and pulled himself away to catch his breath.

"What happened to being bad at leading?"

"I wasn't leading. I was just shifting positions."

"Why would you do that?"

"It's comfier." He pecked a little kiss onto his cheek. "And I like sitting on you."

"Of course you do. Let's get going then, yeah?"

"Could you carry me, Viv? I'm so tired. ."

"You didn't seem too tired a bit ago."

"Hey! I'm your boyfriend now, and you have to be nice to me. . . and, that means you have to carry me sometimes."

"Don't go there smartass. You're seventeen; you can carry yourself."

"Fine. . ." He crossed his arms and groaned. He made sure to shoot Vivian a look of disapproval.

"Don't look at me like that. You're acting like I just hit you with a car."

Hugo grumbled and put his forehead on Vivian's shoulder. He was grinning like an idiot, and of course he didn't want him to see. "Shut up."

"Can we go now? I was kind of being serious about my mom killing me."

"Yeah. ." He stood up from the bed and laughed.

Vivian rose to his feet as well. He walked right beside Hugo for a while. He fiddled with the rings on his own fingers and looked everywhere except Hugo. All he could think about was what they just did, and it made him a little giddy. He had to stop himself from giggling out loud like a little kid trying to catch the ice-cream truck.

"What's that smile for? Thinking about something"

"Just thinking about earlier is all."

"I take it that you like thinking about it?"

"Of course I do."

They both walked onto the porch and knocked on the door. They took a good step away from each other just to be sure. When Vivian's mom answered the door, she looked pissed. "Where the hell have you been, Vivian?! You're supposed to go straight to school and come right back home, and you can't even do that! I swear to fucking God, you're helpless!"

"I'm sorry. . I was working on schoolwork and---"

"Shut it. Go to your room. We'll talk later."

"Yes, ma'am. ."

Hugo stared at Vivian as he walked down the hallway. He silently hoped that he'd get a little glance from him, but of course it never came.

"Come on in, Hugo. Sorry about that, honey. You hungry?"

"Not really. . Can I. . . can I stay over tonight. . ? Vivian and I have a lot of schoolwork to do, and we were thinking that we could work on it here."

"Of course, baby. Just make sure Vivian doesn't leave his room, yeah?"

"Yeah. . Thank you."

"Mhm. Have a good time, babe."

Hugo tried to get into Vivian's room as fast as he could. There was something about her that made him feel. . . dirty. He walked into the room to see Vivian lying on the bed staring the ceiling. He kneeled on the ground to be about eye-level with him. "How're you feeling, baby?" he asked. His voice was much quieter than usual, and yet it still felt too loud.

Vivian brushed the back of his hands over Hugo's face with a gentle smile. He matched Hugo's tone. "I'm fine."

"Good, good. Ooh! Can you show me the guitar piece now?"

"Yeah." He grabbed his guitar from the corner of the room before sitting back down on the bed right beside Hugo. He picked each one of the strings to make sure they were in tune. Perfect. "Tell me when you want me to start?"

"You can start now."

He started plucking and strumming the strings, and slowly, the song came together. He moved his hands back and forth up and down the fret board like he'd done it thousands of times. It sounded like a scene from a movie--- a song playing behind the slow, most important parts of it. Like the one where the guy finally gets the girl at the end of the movie or something like that. Hugo rested his head on his shoulder with a grin. The music stopped after a little while, but neither of them moved from their position. 

That was until Vivian's mom walked into the room. Hugo tried to make it look like he was just looking at the guitar or something. Anything to make sure it just looked like nothing more than them being close friends. They just hoped she wouldn't realize that they just got really close all of a sudden. "See, the little dots on the side are so you can tell where your fingers are. They're on the third, fifth, seventh, ninth, and twelfth frets. The twelfth makes the music an octave higher. It's pretty simple, really," Vivian said.

"What're you two doing?" she asked.

"Just doing schoolwork."

"Schoolwork my ass. You act like I don't have eyes. You two are just screwing around. This isn't schoolwork."

"Mom, no. Seriously, it's for an assignment."

"Right, right. Quiet down. I'm trying to get some sleep."

"I'm sorry. We'll be quiet." He set his guitar down on the floor.

"You better be."

She left the room, and Hugo put his head back on Vivian's shoulder. He waited until he heard her bedroom door close before grabbing his hand. Their fingers fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces. He shifted closer, practically every part of his side touching his. "You handled that well," he mumbled. "Your mom's kinda. . . strange."

"Yeah. She's. . . something."

"Don't take any offense to this, but she's starting to creep me out."

"None taken. She definitely needs to meet more people."

"Must run in the family."

"Shut up. It does not."

Hugo laughed and looked at the empty doorframe. It looked like nothing was there. He gave Vivian a glance before climbing onto his lap again.

"What did I say about not doing anything weird?"

"Trust me, baby. We won't get caught unless we're loud."

"Sure. ."

"You know. . . we could try and have a little bit of fun while we're alone."

"How about we make better choices than making out in my bedroom without a door right by my mom's?"

"I have an idea. . ."

"Oh?"

"We should just go to the bathroom. That has a lock on the door, right?"

"Right. ."

"What're we waiting for then?"

Hugo stood up and dragged Vivian to the bathroom. He shut the door and locked the door. He didn't wait for one second before grabbing onto Vivian's face and pushing his own back against a wall. He slammed his lips against Vivian's and wrapped his arms around the latter's waist. 

Vivian was a bit stunned by the sudden feeling of Hugo's mouth on his, but he quickly reciprocated the passion. He sighed softly into the kiss. His mind was completely clouded by how close he was. Maybe he got a little too lost in the moment, but he started sliding his hands up Hugo's shirt. 

Hugo pulled away from the kiss and looked up at Vivian with hooded eyes. "You're so eager, aren't you, baby?" he joked trying to get a reaction out of the other.

"And you're not helping at all." He started to bite Hugo's neck again. He wanted to keep his mouth busy with something to keep himself from saying something that'd make him seem like a complete pervert. 

He tilted his head up to expose his throat even more. He whined softly at the feeling of his teeth grazing his neck. "God, Vivian, baby. . ." Did he seriously sound that desperate. . ? he asked himself. 

He hummed happily. The sounds that Hugo made had him feeling some kind of way--- a way that made the denim of his jeans feel a bit tighter than it should. He started to suck gently on the soft skin of his neck leaving faint red marks.

The new sensation sent a shiver down his spine. He bit his bottom lip to stifle an embarrassing sound from coming out. The fact that Vivian still had his hands in his shirt didn't help his growing arousal. He tugged on the strands of dwindling azure to try and do anything with his hands. "Baby, you're. . . you're gonna leave marks. . everyone's gonna see. ."

"And? No one'll know it was me who gave them to you. Plus, you look so beautiful in purple." He punctuated the sentence with a sharp bite right above Hugo's collarbone. He slowly started to slip Hugo's shirt off of his body as he littered his chest with bites and hickeys. 

"Vivian, please. . . I need--- I need more. ."

"Say it then, honey. Say exactly what you want."

"I shouldn't. . It's embarrassing. ."

"That's fine. . Just say it when you're ready."

"Can I just do it. . ? Please? I'll stop if you want."

"Of course. ."

Hugo moved down onto his knees right in front of Vivian. He brought his hands up to the buckle of his belt and fiddled with it for a little bit just before undoing it. He looked up at him silently asking for permission to keep going. When he felt his lover's hand run through his hair, he started undoing the button on his jeans. He glanced at the fabric pooled at Vivian's ankles but quickly turned his attention to the spot between his legs. He removed the last layer of fabric that covered the one thing he wanted. "May I. . ."

He turned his face away for a moment in an attempt to cover up how red his face was but still managed a small "Mhm."

Hugo slowly took the head into his mouth and then the rest of it. He sighed quietly as he sucked on his cock. The feeling of the hand tugging on his hair shot a jolt of pleasure through him. 

Vivian put a hand over his mouth to keep sounds from coming out of it. He pulled on the other teenager's hair to try and ground himself. The sight of his boyfriend in front of him--- with his dick in his mouth, tears starting to fall down his cheeks--- only made it harder to keep quiet. The moan that came out much louder than it should have. He covered his face with his hand in embarrassment, but didn't keep silent whatsoever. 

Hugo took his mouth off of Vivian's dick with a quiet pop. He stared up at the other teenager above him and wiped the spit off of his face. He pulled Vivian's pants back up and brought himself to his feet. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he murmured. 

"That was amazing." He put a little kiss to his lips. "You looked so pretty."

"I did? I thought I looked a little weird doing. . . that."

"Not at all. You looked absolutely beautiful. Now, I wanna try something. . I want to make you feel good."

"O-oh. . ! What do you. . . what do you want to do. . ?"

"Whatever would make you feel the best. I can do whatever you want me to."

"This is going to sound so weird. . ."

"I don't mind. If you want it, I want it."

"I. . ." He inhaled deeply and hid his face in Vivian's shoulder. "I want you to fuck me, Viv. . . please."

"How do you want to do it?"

"Just in the shower, I guess. We can. . . clean up easier when we're done."

"Lights on or off?"

"On, please."

He nodded. He started taking his shirt off and then his pants. He stared at Hugo as he did the same. His eyes raked up and down his unclothed body. It felt so wonderful being so vulnerable with someone like this. He grabbed onto Hugo's hand and stepped into the shower. "Ready?"

"Ready." 

The two of them started kissing deeply. Their tongues intertwined in each other's mouths, causing saliva to come out of the corners. Vivian pressed Hugo up against the wall as he put more passion into the kiss. Hugo started sliding down to the shower floor. He was underneath Vivian at that point. Their mouths never separated even as Vivian spread Hugo's legs and put his finger gradually into his lover's entrance causing a high-pitched whine to come from his mouth. He put in another and started moving them in and out of him. Again, he started biting Hugo's shoulders and neck. Soft moans fell from the latter's mouth. He rested his hands on Vivian's shoulders when he took his fingers out of him. A pleasurable cry escaped him when he felt something that definitely wasn't a pair of fingers. He dug his fingers into his back leaving red lines on Vivian. The bathroom was filled with heavy breathing, skin slapping against skin, both of the boys' moans, and the very slight creaking of the old floor. 

"Vi-Vivian---" Hugo called out like a prayer. He let out a loud  when Vivian's cock hit his prostate. "Right--- right there, baby--- ah. . ! Oh God. . Fuck. . . feels. . . so g-good. ." 

Vivian put a hand over his mouth. He loved hearing Hugo being in such pleasure, but he also didn't want to get caught. "Quiet. My mom's gonna hear you," he hissed. 

Hugo nodded, still letting out yelps from time to time--- still as loud as before (if not louder) just much more muffled by the hand over his face. He threw his head back and shut his eyes as he got closer to "his destination." 

"You're doing so well, Hugo. You're being such a good boy. . I wish I could hear you more. ."

The praise was just enough to push him over the edge. He came all over his own stomach as Vivian came inside of him. He lay limp on the shower floor as Vivian pulled out his now soft dick. He had a wide, goofy grin on his face like he just won something. 

Vivian tiredly kissed all over Hugo's face. "How was that?" he asked. His voice was a little hoarse, and he was a bit out of breath.

"Incredible. . We should definitely do it much more often."

"Agreed."

They lied there taking in the silence of the intimate moment, Vivian still lying over top of Hugo. Vivian tried his very best to cover every inch of his boyfriend's face with lazy, playful kisses. 

"You're so clingy, aren't you?" Hugo laughed.

"Mhm!" He put one last kiss right on his cheek with a little chu sound.

"I love you so much, baby."

"I love you, too."

"We should get cleaned up. I'm so sleepy. . ."

"Would you mind if I showered with you? Just to save time, y'know."

"Of course. Just don't do anything dumb."

They both stood up and turned the water on. The warm water hit their skin and ran down their body. They washed all the parts of themselves that they needed to and rinsed the soap off of themselves. Vivian embraced Hugo from behind with a dumb grin on his face. 

Hugo shut his eyes while leaning into the touch. "Did I already say I love you?" he said.

"Yeah." He ran his hands up and down his sternum. "But I don't mind hearing it again."

"You better not."

They both stepped out of the shower and started drying themselves off. They each wrapped a towel around their hips. Before they went back into Vivian's bedroom, they made sure to grab their clothes off of the floor just so they didn't forget them. In the bedroom, Hugo sat on the bed while Vivian looked in the closet for clean clothes. He tossed the first pair he found to Hugo and took the second one for himself.

Each of them got dressed in the fresh clothing, and Vivian tossed the towels in the laundry basket before throwing himself onto the soft bed he'd been waiting forever to lay himself back down on. He curled up as close as he possibly could to Hugo (who already fell asleep somehow), and before he knew it, he was asleep as well.

The next morning, Vivian's mom called for both of the boys to get breakfast. They wearily walked into the dining room and sat down beside each other in front of their plates of food. The two of them ate the food on their plate until all of it was gone. They went into the bedroom to change out of their pajamas. They made sure not to look at each other just in case someone walked past. They left the room and started out the door to school.

They walked a good distance behind a group of a few girls as they made their way down the street. They hoped silently that they wouldn't notice them. Hugo didn't feel like explaining the bruises round his neck or why he was wearing Vivian's clothes. He probably wouldn't have to; they'd more than likely know what went on last night, but even the thought of them thinking of him like that made his skin crawl. He put a little space in between himself and Vivian; maybe that'd look less suspicious. 

A few of the girls in the group looked behind themselves and whispered something. The one with short and blonde hair had a hand hiding her mouth, the one with white-dyed hair had some sort of twisted grin, the youngest one looked unphased, and the tallest one had a small smile on her face as if she was holding a laugh or a comment back. The whispers circulated and increased in volume until they eventually came to an abrupt halt. The one with the dyed hair lingered behind her friends to do what both the boys thought was talk with them. "Hey, guys. How're you guys doing?" she asked. Her voice was quiet as if she only spoke in whispers unless there was a problem.

"Alright. . . why?" Vivian replied.

"I just wanted to talk to you two."

"Right. What do you want then?"

"I was wondering if I could join you two on your walk. I hope you two won't mind."

"Don't you already have a group to walk with, though?"

She moved a little closer to Vivian, knowing he'd move in the opposite direction of herself, therefore moving closer to Hugo. "Yeah, but I need to expand my social circle."

"Right. ."

"Anyways. Tell me about yourselves. . . are you two, I don't know, dating?"

"Where'd you hear that?"

"I didn't hear anything. It's obvious that the two of you are close, and he's obviously wearing your clothes."

"How the hell do you know that? I've never seen you in my life."

"But I've seen him on my way to school. He doesn't wear that kind of thing. You, on the other hand, seem to."

"Alright, creep. You act like that's some sort of dead giveaway that we're something."

"He's got marks on his neck. If that isn't, I don't know what is."

"Listen. We don't even know your name, and I don't think you know ours. Do you know how much of a stalker you sound like asking us if we're dating just from a few "signs" you noticed?"

"You're a real dick, you know that? I was just trying to get to know you two, and you're acting like I'm asking you your social security number."

"You're acting invasive questions! No one wants to deal with that shit at eight in the morning!"

"Don't raise your voice at me! Learn to control your temper!"

"You started this! I was trying to avoid talking to you!"

"How come? You wanna talk to your boyfriend instead? You'd rather talk to a dude than a group of hot girls?"

"Don't twist my words like that!"

"Why shouldn't I? You don't like hearing the truth?"

Hugo slapped the side of his arm, a silent try to make sure he didn't cause any more of a scene than he already had. 

"Shut your fucking mouth! That's not it, dipshit!"

"Oh, but it is. You know it is!"

"I swear to God, if you don't---"

"If I don't what? What're you gonna do, bitchboy? Gonna hit me?"

Hugo grabbed Vivian's arm and pulled him a bit farther away from the other girl. "We have to go, baby. Come on," he whispered.

"I don't think you do. We've got a conversation to finish."

"No, we've gotta go. You've got friends to get to as well."

"Oh, right, right. Don't---"

"Goodbye. We're going."

"Bye, fags," she whispered.

Hugo and Vivian crossed the street to get to school. Vivian was walking a lot faster than he should've been. "Such a bitch. Who acts like that in public? No one who's got a brain, I'll tell you that. What was her problem? So fucking smug," he said to himself. 

"Baby, you need to calm down."

"I'm fine--- just fine."

"Your face says otherwise."

Vivian rolled his eyes. "Hugo, I'm fine."

"Oh. . "

Vivian led Hugo into the bathroom. "Didn't you see how she was looking at us? That wasn't a normal look!"

"I knew you weren't fine." He sat down with his back against the wall. He patted his lap as an offer for Vivian to rest his head. 

He did exactly that. He shut his eyes and tried to relax--- albeit very little, still relaxing.

Hugo ran his fingers through the strands of blue. His mouth turned up a little bit into a small smile. "Come on, baby. You need to relax more than that. Breathe with me. In. . . and out."

"I'm not a toddler. I don't need you to tell me how to calm down."

"Just do it, man."

Vivian inhaled and exhaled slowly alongside Hugo. He didn't know if it was just the breathing, but he started to melt into Hugo's touch.

"See? Much better, right?"

"Yeah. . I don't wanna stand back up now. Good job."

"It's fine. First period isn't that important." He kissed the top of Vivian's head.

"Mhm. ."

The bell sounded, and the only sound that followed was the clicking of shoes passing by the bathroom. Vivian said, "We should get out of here. We have better places to be than in the school bathroom."

"And you just said that you didn't want to stand up?"

He rolled his eyes before sitting up. "You coming or not?"

"Yeah, but you've gotta take me somewhere fun. Don't confuse it with somewhere expensive."

"Oh, I have a ton of places in mind. And I don't think anyone's gonna be there, so. . . y'know." A small smirk appeared on his face.

"You're such an ass."

"Forgive me for wanting a private moment with my boyfriend."

"The way you phrased it isn't forgivable, dumbass."

"What was wrong with it, hm?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the way you hinted at certain things in that phrase."

"I think that you just have a dirty mind, babe. I could've just been hinting at doing homework for all you know. No inuendoes were made in that whole sentence."

"Don't 'babe' me. I know full well what you meant."

"What did I mean then?"

Hugo messed with the loose string on his sleeve. "Just. . . y'know. . . not necessarily PG things. . ."

"Oh, really? Do you wanna find out?"

Hugo just nodded. He just about darted out the door and out the doors. 

The two boys walked down the street hand in hand. Hugo swung their intertwined hands back and forth to the same pace of their gait. They reached the place where Vivian wanted to take him. It was a rather quiet place a few minutes off the edge of their small town. It was a small shed-like building that looked like nothing other than birds and vermin had visited in years. The door's hinges creaked loudly as it opened. As soon as it shut, everything was still. Light came in through the windows on each of the walls and from the slim cracks in the door.

Vivian sat on the floor, and Hugo sat down on top of his lap. "Who's the clingy one now?" Vivian chuckled.

"What's wrong with it? You don't like me sitting here?"

"I never said that. I like it quite a bit, actually." He grabbed Hugo's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. "Pretty. ." He kissed the side of Hugo's neck.

"Could you play me a song, baby? You might as well play your guitar if you brought it."

"Yeah. Do you want me to play anything specific, or. . ?"

"No. Just whatever you wanna."

Vivian placed his guitar in front of himself and Hugo before started to play the instrument. The sounds of the soft notes spread all over the otherwise silent shack.

Hugo leaned back onto Vivian's shoulder, shut his eyes, and listened to the tune. The stillness allowed him to hear the little drum of his heartbeat combined with a small hum he always used to keep the beat. The song went on for what felt like forever. He opened his eyes and kissed the side of Vivian's jaw. "Thank you, Viv."

"No problem, honey," he said as he put his guitar off to the side.

Hugo turned himself around to straddle his boyfriend. "You're so good at this, baby." He giggled, pressing a tiny kiss to his mouth.

He laughed before grabbing onto Hugo's face. He pushed his own mouth against his. He knew it probably wasn't the right reaction to getting a compliment, but how else was he supposed to not kiss him when he looked so adorable? Before he could even try and stop himself, his tongue was already in Hugo's mouth, he was pinning Hugo to the ground, and everything else was left forgotten. When he broke the kiss, their faces were still mere centimeters apart. The heat and condensation of their breath mixed until they were practically one. They lied there in perfect stillness save for their chests moving a bit as they breathed. 

They stood up from the dusty floor still close to one another. "That got escalated kinda quickly, didn't it?" Hugo stated with a snicker. 

"That's a bit of an understatement. Sorry about that. ." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Don't be sorry, dumbass. Oh, that reminds me. We could record the rest of the music video today. We've plenty of time, don't we?"

"Let's go then?"

"Don't forget anything."

"I won't, I won't." He grabbed his guitar off the floor slung the strap over his shoulder. He began heading out the door beside Hugo.

They followed the road for about a mile before seeing the large, white building that clearly used to be a mall. The inside looked as dirty as the outside with a few cracks in the pillars, entirely empty stores, a couple oddly colored stains on the walls, and the paint peeling off the walls in some places. "Are we gonna record this on your phone, or do you have another idea?"

"It's the only way we can record it, obviously."

"Right. So, I think we should go up to the second floor; there's a spot to set up the phone and a good background."

"How often do you come here?"

"I don't come here too frequently anymore. I used to come here all the time with my dad. He taught me how to make songs without writing them down and stuff like that. We would usually come here when. . . never mind. That's not important. Sorry about that."

"Don't be. Let's get to filming, yeah?"

"Yeah."

They went up the stairs and into one of the empty stores. Hugo grabbed his phone out of his pocket before setting it up in front of where they were going to record. "Is this angle good?"

"Yeah, I think it'll work." He strummed his guitar a few times and fiddled with some of the keys. "Tell me when."

"When."

"I was being serious, man."

"I was too, baby. Start playing."

"Oh. . My bad." He started playing a few chords, waiting for Hugo to start singing.

The quiet building was filled with Hugo's voice and Vivian's guitar in harmony. It didn't sound anything like a professionally made song, but it was good enough for a low budget art-class assignment. Singing definitely be Hugo's talent; those two years in middle school spent doing choir paid off. And when the song ended, there was a little echo of the last notes. Hugo stopped the recording before shoving the phone back in his pocket.

They moved into a different store, and they kept recording each and every part of the video they wanted to: the part meant to go with the chorus, the scene with the knife, the slow-dancing part, etc.. By the time they finished, the moon was already above the horizon. The air was cold, and the stars were like glitter in the sky. Vivian and Hugo walked with their fingers intertwined. Hugo rested his head on Vivian's shoulder with a grin. The latter pointed out, "Your eyes sparkle in the moonlight, you know." 

"Oh, shut up," Hugo replied feigning bitterness, although the little bit of blush on his cheeks gave him away. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't tell me what I know, idiot."

"I'm not an idiot. ." 

"My bad. Do you prefer dunce? dumbass? dim-wit? dummy? thoughtfully impaired?"

"Idiot is fine. ."

"That's what I thought."

"Ooh! I've got an idea."

"A dumb one?"

"Kinda. It's gonna be fun, though."

"I'm not withholding any information from the police if they ask, just so you know."

"That's not my plan." He rolled his eyes. "I meant that we should just stay out a little past our curfews. We can't go out on an actual date during the day, so it's the next best thing."

"Where're we gonna go? The only places that are open are gas-stations and fast-food restaurants. And not even the good ones."

"Right. . We could just walk around town for a bit? We're bound to find somewhere cool--- or at least one that's private."

"Let's hope so."

"Don't doubt me, idiot. We will find somewhere to have an actual date."

"And if we don't?"

"I dunno. We can just keep walking in circles until we wanna go home."

"It's settled then?"

"Yep. Which way are we gonna go first?"

"I dunno. Maybe. . . just avoid where we might see our parents?"

"No shit, Sherlock. Which way is that?"

"You're the one who suggested it! You tell me!"

"You know I'm not good at making decisions!"

"Neither am I!"

"You're better than me!"

"For Christ's sake! Fine! We should go toward the park. Is that good enough for you?"

"Yeah. See? That wasn't that hard."

"You're so fucking dense."

"Don't talk to me like that! I don't make decisions. I tell you if I like yours."

"Of course. How could I forget? You're a damn princess who can't do anything for himself."

"And you're the big, strong knight who takes care of me and does whatever I want him to."

"Let me guess, you're going to ask for something right now?"

"Yep. Carry me."

"What is it with you and wanting me to carry you? Can't you walk yourself?"

"I can walk, but it's romantic. You can't tell me you never watched at least one movie where someone gets carried by their love interest."

"Fine. I'll carry you. I don't promise I won't drop you, though."

"Thank you so much, baby!" He immediately jumped into Vivian's arms. He covered his face with a ton of messy kisses. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"Oh, wow. No conviction whatsoever? I feel so loved."

"It's not exactly easy to say it when I'm holding you up like this. You're kind of heavy if I'm being completely honest."

"So now you're calling me fat? You're the best boyfriend, aren't you?"

"That's not what I meant. You're not a little kid. Of course you're not gonna weigh less than a hundred pounds. I'm just not that strong."

"Just messing with you." He kissed the top of Vivian's head. "Glad you didn't agree with me, though."

"I'd still love you either way, you know."

"You'd better. ." He grabbed onto his face and kissed his forehead. 

"You kiss me so much."

"So it's illegal for me to kiss my boyfriend on a date?"

"That's not what I said. I never said it was bad. I just stated a fact."

"I was joking, you know. I think you take everything too literally."

". . My bad."

"Don't apologize. It's fine."

"Oh. ."

"How about we sit down? I think you need it."

"Yeah. ."

Vivian found a bench, and they sat down. Hugo stayed on his lap. He rested his cheek on his shoulder. "You're so much more fun when no one's else around, y'know that?"

"That's kinda how it works, babe." He snickered.

He gave Vivian an annoyed look. He didn't say anything--- just sat there looking at him.

"You're cute when you're mad."

"You're a fucking nuisance."

He ran his fingers through Hugo's hair a few times, ignoring every comment Hugo made.

"Would you quit that? I'm not a cat or something. You can't just pet me whenever you want."

He chuckled. "You'd be an adorable cat. ."

"Shut up! And stop petting me, you dick!" Despite his protests, he still leaned into the touch and had a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He kissed a few spots on Hugo's face. "You know you like it," he cooed. 

"No, I don't. ."

"I'll stop then." He set his hands off to the side.

"Finally. God."

Vivian laughed. Adorable. . 

Hugo sat there with a fake pout on his face. It took a long while before his facade finally fell. "Fine, you don't have to stop, I guess."

Vivian ruffled his hair yet again. "Aw, that's a good boy," he purred.

His eyes fluttered shut, and he finally let that grin spread over his face.

"See? Isn't that nice?"

"Yeah. ."

He pulled Hugo's head closer. He kissed him properly this time. He could've sworn he blacked out for a moment.

He wasn't exactly sure when, nor why; his hands were up his lover's shirt. 

Hugo's body fit perfectly against his own, especially in that moment--- their tongues twisting, practically fighting; hands exploring every crevice and surface available with no other goal than getting as close as possible; teeth clicking against each other without care, fueled by the high of touching each other. They broke the kiss.

"Vivian," Hugo panted. "Touch me more. ." Heat crept up his neck at his own request. It should've been wrong to say something like that to anyone--- especially in the middle of the park of all places--- but how could he stop himself? Vivian's hands in his pants touching him was all he wanted. 

Vivian moved his hands down to the growing tent in his jeans, trailing his nimble finger lightly over it. "Like this?" he taunted.

He moaned weakly at the new touch. "M-more. ."

He needed to hear more of that sound. He needed to fuck him until he was screaming his name. But he didn't change the movement of his hand, causing a semi-frustrated whimper to escape him. 

"Stop it. ." he whined. His breathing grew labored, and he moved his hips up in vain to find any friction he could find. 

He placed two fingers in his mouth, watching him suck on them without hesitation. "Good boy," he murmured. "Just like that." He kept his eyes locked with Hugo's, unzipping his fly. He palmed him through his boxers, causing Hugo to let out another moan, louder this time. 

He ground against his hand, trying to get as much pleasure as he could. He kept sucking on Vivian's fingers as he wished it was something else.

He looked so perfect like this. Drool streamed from the corners of his mouth, but he didn't bother to wipe it away. His green eyes were wider than usual, silently pleading for more of his touch. What made it so much better is that Hugo was all his.

And then his phone rang. God fucking damn it. He took his hand out of his boyfriend's mouth and pants to answer it. Hugo exhaled and climbed off his lap unenthusiastically.

"Vivian, where the fuck are you?!" his mom screamed through the phone. "I want you home now!"

He sighed. "Fine," he said through clenched teeth. 

She hung up the phone immediately.

"Good night, Hugo," he sighed, standing up from the bench.

"G'night, baby. We always have tomorrow, y'know." He chuckled.

"You wanna skip third hour with me?" he suggested with a playful lilt. It wasn't an actual offer; there were a shit ton of people that skipped third hour, and getting caught would be. . . interesting.

He nodded eagerly. 

Vivian hurried home, hoping he wouldn't be in too much trouble. Who's he kidding? He was--- what?--- two hours late.

Mom was waiting at the door, arms crossed and steam coming off of her. "Where were you?" she asked.

"Schoolwork," he said. It wasn't entirely a lie.

"Until eleven at night?!"

"Yeah. Hugo and I got hung up."

"Oh my God, Vivian!" She smacked him upside the head. "You were not doing schoolwork that whole time!"

He rubbed the spot she hit, a little annoyed. "Were you there? How do you know?"

"Go to your damn room. I don't wanna hear it."

He huffed and went to his bedroom. He flung himself onto his bed with yet another sigh. Why was she always so. . . like that? She was like most other moms when she wanted to be (when she was drinking a shit ton), but she acted like he was a burden all the time. Maybe he was a burden. .

He didn't believe in God like she wanted. He didn't get good grades--- he couldn't. He wasn't doing what she wanted him to do with his life. He was a sinner like she always said. He didn't try to be how she wanted, but he wanted to. . . right?

He wanted to make her happy; she used to try her hardest to do the same. But not anymore. Maybe she was just doing it differently than before, but why would she? Vivian wasn't worth it, and she made sure he knew so.

You don't do enough.

I wish you were normal.

Why can't you be like you used to?

The world would be better if it was you instead of your dad.

What if she was right? Maybe he was just ruining things. Vivian had Hugo, but he was going to get tired of him eventually. He might as well make someone happy. Hugo would move on. No one else would notice. The world would go on; he'd turn to dirt eventually, it was just a matter of when. He was going to Hell whether he stayed or didn't--- he might as well end it.

He spent the rest of the night working on editing the video. Thoughts of minor things like what could have happened that night emerged while working, but they never lasted long. It all lead to the same thing: Why shouldn't I?

Why shouldn't I end it all? Why shouldn't I jump off the bridge? Why shouldn't I kill myself if it'll fix everything I ruined?

The sunlight filtered through the window. His feet touched the cold floor. He sort of forgot what it was like to get no sleep. He wasn't tired--- he never was--- but the face in the mirror had bloodshot eyes that looked like they were about to shut. He just hoped he wouldn't fall asleep mid-presentation. 

Hugo met him at the front of the school, and they headed straight inside. "You look rough," Hugo noted with a smirk. "Miss me last night?"

Vivian scoffed. "You're so vain, man. I was just finishing the project."

"Does it look good?"

"It might be a good idea to look it over. Around the three minute mark was when the sun was coming up."

His smile fell a bit, but he quickly fixed it. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Nah, but it's all fine. I can always pass out in science class."

Hugo slapped his arm. "You idiot. We've got, like, five tests today. Including science."

"For real? I thought it was next Friday. . I'm fucked, I guess."

Hugo's eyes rolled. "No shit, Sherlock."

The day went agonizingly slow. Class by class passed like usual, but seventh hour felt different. He was starting to think if making that video was the right idea. 

Everyone else's was sort of the same, but there were a few that stood out. Heather and her partner made a poem and a dance; Sylv and Kira made a short stop-motion animation that they voiced themselves; most other people wrote a short book and made the cover. Hugo and Vivian were the very last people to present. Of course.

The teacher gave them a look, and Hugo broadcasted the paused video onto the smartboard. She looked a little more excited than she should've been just to see something different than a pair of teenagers reading poorly off of a paper that was probably done last minute. "Ooh! What'd you guys do?" she trilled.

Vivian fidgeted with his own hands. "We made a music video," he answered quietly, keeping his head low. 

"Sounds lovely! Start whenever you're ready."

Hugo tapped the spacebar, letting the video play. All of a sudden, everything seemed too loud. Vivian was suddenly aware of the eyes watching what was happening on the screen. There were whispers, especially during the make-out scene. The teacher was taking notes, her pen scratching down far more notes than during the other students'. Heat crept up his neck, and he was sure everyone could see his crimson face. After it was over, the clock and a few whispers were the only thing that was audible in the room. 

And then the bell rang. Vivian couldn't spend another second around anyone--- not even Hugo. One girl tapped his shoulder just as he was about to open his locker. "What was that about? I thought you hated Hugo." 

He turned around to see a small group of people around her. "We were just doing random shit," he stated shortly. 

"You guys kissed, though. ."

"Yeah. I've gotta get home. Goodbye." He made his way to the door, trying to avoid everyone in the path.

Mom was waiting at the dining-room table without any expression on her face. "So," she started. "I got a call from Ms. Ross t'day."

God fucking damn it. I knew it'd be a bad idea. "What'd she say. . ?"

"I think you know. That video was disgusting."

"It didn't mean anything, I promise. It was just---"

"It's always just something with you, Vivian! Just an hour, a day, a mistake. I'm tired of it! You're sick! I don't want a queer in my house!"

What does that mean? Is she seriously. . .

"Either you fix yourself, or I'll find a way to do it."

Oh. Shit. "Oh. ."

Nightfall. The sun--- Man's one source of warmth--- leaves, giving he who wishes to stay awake comfort and he who does not rest. The sky turns black with few speckles of light. Most spring nights are enjoyable; it's warm, birds start to sing if Man puts off sleep long enough, and rain comes every so often.

The phone rang, a loud sound in the middle of the night. Elizabeth stood mere feet away--- watching, waiting. And then a "Hello?" from a woman. 

"May I speak to Hugo?"

There was a moment of silence and another greeting, her son this time. "Hey, Viv. M---"

Vivian's mother gave him a glare. "Get it over with," was what it said.

"We need to break up."

Silence for a few seconds. "That's not funny, baby."

"I'm not joking," he snapped, attempting to convey as much conviction into his voice as possible. "We can't see each other anymore."

"Oh. Okay, I guess. ." And then he hung up. The soft click paired with his mother's poorly hidden grin made his stomach twist painfully.

"Doesn't that feel so much better?" she cooed. "Don't you love knowing God loves you more now?"

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't. cry. Do not. cry. Do. not. cry. "Yes, Mother."

She cupped his face in her hands. "It'll be fine, sweetie. Show mama a smile, would you?"

He tried his hardest to smile. It was weak, hardly letting his teeth show. God might be happy, but it wasn't worth it whatsoever. 

She sighed. "I wish you'd make an effort to smile like you used to. Now go to bed."

Days passed, each one worse than the last. Hugo looked at Vivian the same as before, but there was a certain melancholy look behind his eyes. It became more apparent with every day.

They did start talking again, though. They would always stay a good distance apart just in case, but the way they would look at each other was so far from platonic. Vivian tried to fix himself however he could, but nothing worked. He opted out of love entirely; fewer people would miss him that way. 

It would suck to leave Hugo, but he'd move on. He had convinced him to ask a girl out, too. Out of all people; it was Heather. After a few weeks, she was already clinging onto his arm and looking at Hugo just like she used to look at Vivian. Hugo looked a whole lot happier, too. 

Vivian just hoped he had moved on by then; it'll hurt less.

He cleaned his room, taking down all his posters and clearing out all the trash. He shoved some things in boxes, but no one would want most of it, so he just got rid of it. He wrote a few notes for the people who might care: Mom, Heather, Sylv, and Hugo and left them in the kitchen. Most were just the usual deal. It wasn't your fault, I love you, don't miss me too much. But he put plenty of effort in the letter meant for him. 

Hugo,

I still loved you. You meant so much to me, and I'm so sorry I ended what we could've had. I'll miss you, but don't do anything dumb, please. It wasn't your fault at all. I've never really wanted to be here, but you made it bearable. When you do take your last breath, I hope you're happy. Stay here as long as you can, okay? I don't wanna die just to make more problems. Just don't forget me, but don't remember me by what I told you on the phone this spring. Remember me by the first time we had sex or our first actual date or something. We were only together for a little bit, but you were the person I loved most.

   -Vivian

*P.S. Don't tell Heather I said that last part.

He locked the bathroom door, clutching the knife in his shaking hand as tight as he could. It was finally going to be over. All the pain and suffering would cease to exist. 

He rolled his sleeves up, looking at the scars he had given himself for the last time. He dragged the blade up the underside of each of his forearms. God, did it hurt. But he passed out after a while. His body hit the cold linoleum floor as the blood spilled out onto it. He couldn't hold onto the knife anymore. He was finally gone.