Chapter Text
Today was going to be a good day.
She’d talk to Pomni. She knew she would. Because today was a great day. Mornings were great. And this morning in particular was great, because she’d talk to Pomni. She’d got this. Once Pomni got to know her, Pomni would have to like her. Why wouldn’t she like her? She was nice to everyone, even Jax, despite him bullying her all the time. And Pomni would love her. Then they could be friends, right? That was what normally came after getting to know each other. Except not with Gangle. Or Zooble. (Or Jax, who hated her-) Though, that was probably because they didn’t know each other enough. Once she became friends with Pomni, though, they’d realise she was great and she’d be able to get close to them, too, and then they could all be friends. (Except, of course, Jax, because he’d probably never stop hating her for what she’d done.) She walked towards her door confidently, because the day was great and greatness meant that she could afford to put a little confidence in her step.
She opened the door.
“…and then my foot got stuck in the chair and I couldn’t move!” Jax. It was way too early in the morning to deal with him. She could never understand him. He was so… he…
She heard laughter and froze. “No, it’s not funny! Stop laughing, that was actually like so traumatic! D’you know how embarrassing that was? Like, begging Caine to get here and free me? I was just hopping around looking for him trying to get it off!” He was laughing too, and so was she.
Pomni.
Oh.
Oh.
So, uh, she was hanging out with Jax now. Huh. And, she, like, found him funny. Ah.
W- wait! Just because she clearly enjoyed his company, didn’t mean she wouldn’t like hers too. She’d prove it now.
“Pomni!” she called.
They both looked at her. Jax had probably been in the middle of his chair anecdote, or maybe a new one. Had he mentioned how he’d gotten stuck trying to get rid of a centipede because she was terrified of those, and he used to be her friend? Or had he forgotten that part, only bothering to tell Pomni the funny bit?
”Ragatha?” she asked. “You… need anything?”
Oh, s[CHING]t. She’d stupidly called out Pomni’s name, and now she looked weird because she had nothing to say.
“I, uh… Just wanted to say. Hi. And…” she trailed off, hating herself more and more. Pomni probably thought she was weird too. She was weird. There had to be something wrong with her if she was acting like that.
”…Yes?” Pomni asked.
”Uh, that. If you ever wanna talk, I’ll… be in my room.” God, what was wrong with her. Jax looked slightly confused too. Of course he did. He hated her too, surely. They were probably going to laugh about this later.
“O…k.” Pomni smiled awkwardly. Ragatha laughed back and went to her room, hoping she didn’t start crying until the door shut.
They hated her.
She was certain of that, at least.
They were probably going to tell Gangle and Zooble too, who’d laugh at how stupid she’d acted. “What a weirdo,” they’d say. “Did she actually say that? Oh my God, I’d literally kill myself if I ever did something so embarrassing.”
Maybe she should just abstract already. That’s what her mom would say. “You’re such a burden. I don’t know why I ever decided to have you. Just like your father. You don’t care about me or all the hard work I do. I can’t wait for you to move out.”
Maybe her mom was right. It was such a shame that there was no way to kill herself here. Though she probably wouldn’t commit anyways. She was too afraid of hurting to ever try. She’d think it, but when it got to the doing, she was terrible. Like everything else she tried to do.
And the look on Jax’s face. So judgemental. They used to be friends. He used to tell her those funny stories and walk through the circus with her.
But were they friends? She couldn’t remember a moment where they stopped being people who lived together to people who had a relationship. It kind of just… happened. Caine had gotten excited when a new human had come, because Kinger was too insane by that point to do much, and so he’d made more adventures where they had to work together. And it would be boring working in silence, so they talked. And then their conversations would continue after the adventure, because they’d be vaguely interesting, and they both secretly craved company.
What if they’d never actually been friends, and he’d just been using her to fulfil that need for human closeness? That would explain why she’d failed the other times: they all had better company. But why would Pomni prefer Jax to her? He bullied everyone constantly. What if he was using her, too? She had to make sure Pomni was okay. If Pomni got hurt and she’d known about Jax’s ways, it’d be her fault. She had to protect her. She stepped outside.
”RRRRRagatha!” Caine exclaimed when he saw her. “You almost missed my latest, wackiest, craAaAaAaziest adventure! Come on through!” He put a hand on her shoulder and she felt the dizzying sensation of being teleported to the main hall. Jax and Pomni were still deep in conversation. Poor Pomni. She had to help her out. Pomni was probably smiling to make Jax feel better. She didn’t have to fake her emotions for him. She should go up to her and take her away to save her the trouble. But she’d have to think of a good excuse.
“Today, we’re climbing the mysterious mountains of-”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just go.” Poor, poor Pomni. Having to deal with Jax being such a jerk. How she managed to keep herself from launching at his face, she didn’t know.
“Uh. I was doing a bit.”
“Well, bit’s over. Let’s go.”
“Okay then…” Caine opened the portal and they went through.
She knew what to do.
She had to confront Jax. Tell him to stop being such a jerk. Then Pomni would surely back her up. And then Pomni’d realise that Ragatha was the better friend.
“Jax.”
He turned around.
“Yeah?” He’d probably been in one of his anecdotes again. She felt bad for Pomni, having to listen to him talk all the time.
“You need to stop this.”
“Stop what?” Playing innocent, huh. Like he wasn’t tormenting Pomni.
“Forcing Pomni to be your friend!”
“Uh. What?” Pomni looked confused. She was a good actress, at least.
“Oh, come on. You don’t have to pretend that you enjoy his company. He’s an a[crack]hole to everyone, and he never stops talking. How can you possibly want him as a friend? You don’t have to feel obligated to hang out with him just because the rest of us have realised he’s not worth the effort.”
“What the heck? What’s gotten into you?” Jax looked stunned. She was already beginning to have second thoughts. She’d better finish this quickly, before she did something stupid, like miss Jax’s friendship.
“You’re the one pressuring Pomni to be nice to you!”
“I can make my own decisions about who I want to hang out with, you know?” Pomni said.
Suddenly Ragatha felt the urge to cry.
“I… you… he’s obviously forcing you…”
“I wouldn’t spend time with him if I didn’t want to. I mean. Sure, I care about his feelings, but I put myself first, and if he was hurting me, I’d tell him.”
Her eyes were watering now. “O-oh.”
Jumping off the mountain sounded like a great idea.
Another voice came in her head. “Stop crying so much. Always so sensitive. It’s never that deep. All I did was give you the facts. If you cry like this all the time, you’ll never get anywhere in life. People will take advantage of this. Stop it now. It’s annoying me.”
Ragatha stepped back.
“H-hey, Ragatha, wait-”
Her foot found air and she fell.
“Ragatha?”
Had she passed out? She looked up at Pomni.
“Hey. You’re awake.”
She said nothing.
”It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk. I just think we need to get this out of the way.
”You’re my friend. I see you as a friend. And so I’m open to you giving me advice and all, but I need you to understand that I might not always need it.
”I don’t know yours and Jax’s history, but I’m guessing it’s not good. Maybe your friendship just didn’t work out, but me and you are different people. What didn’t work out for you might work out for me. And if it’s gonna go wrong, I think I wanna work it out myself. I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships, and I trust myself to talk things out with people if they’re making me feel bad.
”I know you had good intentions, and I don’t hate you or anything for screaming at Jax like that. But, maybe, next time, talk to me in private first or something. Our friendship won’t work out without communication, but I don’t think you should be attacking people for it, though it was funny when you called Jax an a[boing]hole.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Wait.” She sat up.
“Yeah?”
”I. Uh. I think we need some space.” She felt shocked as her mouth said those things, but they were true.
“Oh?” Pomni gave her a questioning look.
”It’s not that I don’t wanna be your friend. But… you’re right that Jax and I used to be friends. And… there were other things. So I don’t know if I wanna be your friend for you or to fill that gap in my chest, and I don’t wanna use you to make me feel better. So I think I need some space. To think about that. Hopefully we can still be friends at the end of it… but… basically I need to get my priorities straight.” She gave Pomni a small smile.
”Okay then.” Pomni smiled back, then shut the door behind her.