Chapter Text
It was recognisably late when the team got back from Miami, having just been there for an intense, complex case. Spencer trudged down the steps of the jet last, stumbling slightly on his step. His headache wouldn’t go away and he was ever so grateful for his appointment tomorrow morning, ready to get the confirmation that there is something physically wrong with him. There was nothing worse than feeling like he was going to end up in the same state as his mother.
As he stepped down the low hum of the jet engine unsettled his migraine even more. Once he stepped onto the tarmac he followed the team to the SUVs waiting for them. He had two fingers on his temple when Hotch, standing next to Rossi, turned around and asked him, "You're not taking the metro tonight.” Aaron couldn’t keep his eyes off him the whole time they were away.
Spencer, quick to defend himself and convince his boss that he's fine, merely after telling Hotch that he was faking his headache earlier to confuse the unsub, was quickly cut off, “And that's final.” Aaron spoke with authority.
As much as he doesn't want to be a burden, he would hate to be underneath harsh fluorescent lights at the metro right now. He decided to settle for nodding, admitting defeat and climbing into the back of Hotch's SUV, while Dave got into the front seat.
A few minutes into the drive Hotch looked into the mirror to see Spencer bouncing his legs, his brow furrowed as he rubbed his eyes. Aaron noticed his young agent had become restless yet exhausted in the past few days, but the trip to Miami confirmed some of his suspicions. Spencer was clearly struggling with some sort of headache.
Hotch looked to his right to see Rossi fast asleep with his head resting against the door. He glanced behind him and spoke quietly, “How long have the headaches been happening?” He tried to remain as stoic as usual but he couldn't help the slip of concern in his voice.
The younger man looked up at the mirror, squinting at the passing headlights. He considered lying to his boss, but he knew it was hopeless. “It’s nothing, just stress.” Aaron sighed, "That's not what I asked.”
There was a short pause and then, "They've been more… frequent lately.” He hated admitting this to someone, his boss nonetheless. He had that creeping fear in the back of his mind that Hotch would bench him from the field, especially after that stunt he pulled running out that evening.
Hotch didn't even have time to assess what this meant for Spencer's work. Instead he had the growing feeling that something was terribly wrong, and he had to protect him. “You’ve seen a doctor?” Hotch assumed, trying to manage his shaky voice, being aware of Reid's knowledge. He can't help but visualise Spencer, vulnerable in his bed, researching all of his books.
Reid sighed, “Yeah, I’ve got a follow up tomorrow morning.” Hotch nodded, glancing in the mirror, Spencer was curling up within himself. It broke the older man's heart to see. He shifted his gaze back onto the road ahead as he pulled up by Spencer's apartment complex. He looked into the mirror and nodded, Spencer gave a tight smile and willed himself to get out of the car, but when he pulled the door open it wouldn’t.. open. Upon hearing the commotion Aaron swiveled his head around to see what the young genius was doing. “Push it open. Not pull.”
Spencer furrowed his brow in concentration. “I am pushing.” Spencer was getting aggravated, it was as if his body wasn't his own, refusing to cooperate. He was quick to understand that to open the door, he had to do the opposite of what he ‘thought’ he was doing right.
As Hotch watched Reid stumble out of the car, Rossi groaned at the commotion. Aaron watched as Spencer couldn't find his balance. He muttered a quiet “Careful.” As his knuckles turned white due to how hard he was gripping the wheel
As the younger boy closes the car door Rossi finally speaks up. “Youre worried about the kid.”
“He couldn't open the car door.”
He knew this wasn't good. Clearly these headaches were having a bigger effect on him than he originally had thought. If only he knew.
-
Spencer fiddled with his hands as he sat on the low hospital bed, “That doesn't make any sense.” He looks up at his doctor, confusion spread over his face. “Im not sure what you want me to say,” The doctor spoke.
“So there's nothing wrong?” He refused to believe this, there was something. These headaches have been giving him trouble for too long. He needed it to stop. “Well, your scans are perfectly normal, and there doesn't seem to be any physical explanation for your headaches.”
He furrowed his eyebrows, “Well, what do I do now?” The doctor takes a breath before speaking.. “Well have you considered…” “Consider what?” It took everything not to snap at the older man, he was only trying to help.
“A psychosomatic cause.”
“Psychosomatic?”
“It just means a mental or emotional stress…” The doctor tried to explain, but Spencer was so overwhelmed that he couldn't stop thinking of the worst. “I know! I know what ‘psychosomatic' means, Doctor, but it's not that. “Well, I think it's something we should consider.” The doctor spoke as calm as he could, trying to get through to the younger boy.
“Listen, I'm not crazy.” “Crazy? Dr Reid, I’m not saying…” “No, listen, I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light because there's something wrong with me physically, not mentally. It's- it's not that.”
“That?” The doctor asked with confusion, “Listen, Doctor, my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalised, so I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you, and it's not that. It's not.” Spencer grabbed his satchel and stormed out of the room, not looking behind him. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
He placed his sunglasses over his eyes, hoping to block out some of the harsh lighting in the hospital as he ran towards the elevator. Trying to control his breaths as he stepped out of the confined space, his phone, barely used, dings.
Penelope Garcia
Sorry to bother folks, but there's a case! Meet in 10 kiddos!
-
Garcia pushed down hard on the remote. 3 pictures pop up on the screen as she speaks. “3 people have been murdered in the last 2 weeks. Local PD in St. Louis said that they have security footage of them being taken at bus stops late at night. They are found in abandoned buildings all over the city.”
She turns to the board, almost gagging, “Each victim is found kneeling with their hands bound and… cotton in their ears.”
Morgan taps his ipad in front of him, “Hey guys, this is weird, the words ‘The noise must stop’ is written in their blood at all of the dump sites.” Rossi is in deep thought when he announces, “We could be dealing with a mental disorder.. Schizophrenia, depression. Cotton in the ears means he's trying to block something out. Voices.”
“There’s more. This is footage from the second abduction. Local PD says the unsub can be seen standing near the victim for almost five minutes before approaching.” She paused.“And… he appears to be talking to someone.”
Morgan frowned. “You mean the victim?” Garcia shook her head slowly. “Nope. The victim hasn’t even noticed him yet. He’s pacing.. and arguing with himself.”
Rossi exchanged a look with Hotch. “Possible psychotic break,” Rossi muttered. Hotch’s eyes moved across the table until they settled on Spencer, clearly thinking about the case at hand.“Reid,” he said calmly, “what do we know about offenders with untreated schizophrenia?”
Reid looks up from his paper copy, finding it hard to focus he says, “Uhm, schizophrenia affects approximately one percent of the population and individuals experiencing active auditory hallucinations may.. may..” He couldn't find the word. He squinted at the board, staring at the victims. He felt everyone's eyes on him, it was unlike him to mess up a sentence.
He composed himself quickly and spoke, “Schizophrenia affects roughly one percent of the population. The majority of individuals with the disorder are not violent per say, but when hallucinations involve command voices, they can sometimes act on them.”
His boss studied him for a moment longer before nodding, “It seems like we've got a serial killer on our hands, and he's not going to stop. Wheels up in 20.”
Reid let out a breath of relief and excused himself to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and tried to take breaths to calm down the incoming panic attack. He isn't his mother, is he? His breaths started to get quicker and shorter when he heard the bathroom door creak open.
Derek walked in and his usual smug smile disappeared when he saw his friends state. “Reid, man, you okay?” Spencer quickly collected himself and nodded, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, I'm good. Uhm, schizophrenia.. auditory hallucinations are often the first sign,” he said, fingers twitching, “though they can be mistaken for stress or depression at first.”
He couldn't get out of his head, thinking about what the doctor said about both of those symptoms. The bathroom lights reflected off the tiles, rubbing his eyes, he slid past Morgan, ignoring him yelling after him. He scurried to get his go bag, trying to ignore the ever so familiar ache beading behind his eyes.
His bag was under his desk, he reached underneath and felt nothing. He looked underneath to see that it was about 7 inches away from his hands. Just nerves, he thought.
-
On the jet Spencer sat beside Morgan, Hotch in front of him with Rossi diagonal. He opened his book on quantum physics but closed it with a smack when all of the words moved around the page. There was a ring and then suddenly Garcia's face popped up on the laptop screen in front of everyone.
It was only 2 hours into the flight when she announced that there had been another murder. “Sending the photos to you now my liege…” Hotch watched the images of the body pop through the screen. “Daytime.. He’s shifted.” Hotch spoke
His eyes blurred as he attempted to look at the screen, “He’s no longer limiting himself to late-night attacks.” Reid said, pushing through his migraine to let the words flow out. He cant help but start thinking to himself.
What if I lose control?
His spiraling thoughts stopped when he heard Aaron speak, his rough voice across from him. “Once we land, Morgan and Prentiss go to the recent crime scene and see if there's any changes, except his timeline. Seaver and Rossi interview the victim's family, try to find out if there's any links. Me and Reid will set up at the local PD.”