Chapter Text
The evening night was cool, a refreshing breeze gently swaying stark white hair along its current. It sent goosebumps up and down its owner's spine, making the man shift in his seat on the patio. He was home for the first time in a long while, and yet, his mind and heart alike were more troubled than when he had been far away.
Kazuha hummed, eyes turned upward and into the dark void of the night sky. He could barely discern the stars, a veil of clouds obscuring them. Yet, he knew their lights were still there shining forevermore. The stars never really went away, did they? They simply were outshined during the day.
Starlight and grief were similar in that sense.
Ruby irises caught the trail of something looking like a shooting star, and his mind ushered its wish before he even had time to process it. He always wished for the same thing, after all.
He swiped his phone to life and opened a familiar text chat as he often did when the world was quiet, and his thoughts too heavy to bear. Kazuha was used to the strings of unanswered texts, and so he didn’t pay them any mind before he started typing:
‘’I came across a stranger today. For an incredulous moment, I mistook them for you. You have the same smile. I spoke with them for a little while before we parted ways.’’.
His thumb hit send. A new bubble in the chat. The red gaze blurred a little as the writer’s vision unfocused.
It had taken him by surprise. The last bus ride to reach his hometown had been full of memories, and the unexpected meeting had twisted his guts. The stranger had noticed his staring, and so they exchanged a few words. It was all it took for Kazuha to spiral down…
Kazuha held his loose night robe closer to himself, hugging his sides. There was a soft sigh.
The rest of his afternoon had been a blur. Coming home, unpacking. Diner. He went through the process mechanically, waiting to be alone to address his own thoughts. The loneliness of the night was the only thing that ever allowed him to admit the haunting feelings he'd have denied if anyone asked him:
‘’I miss you.’’.
The words he’d just typed stared back at him, contained in yet another bubble.
They say it takes time, but it eventually goes away. That you learn to live with their absence.
The dull ache was still there, years later. The memory of him was omnipresent, always creeping at the corner of Kazuha’s vision in the form of familiar words, scent… It was always worse in Inazuma, where memories of him clung to every street corner, every landmark and every townsfolk.
A vibration tore Kazuha’s out of his fogged thoughts. He attributed the disturbance to his phone, loosely held into his hands. Red eyes came back into focus, lowering to check his notifications-
Kazuha’s heart missed a beat when he noticed that it was indeed his phone that had buzzed, and that it was because of an incoming text from- His breath came to a halt as he witnessed that a bubble had popped into the opposite side of the chat.
‘’who TF is this’’.
For a brief ridiculous second, Kazuha wanted to believe it was him, that some grand power had taken pity and granted him this selfish wish. He shook himself out of it rapidly, though. He’d never send such an unrefined and harsh text to anyone- let alone Kazuha.
Besides, he was gone. This was a total stranger.
Kazuha connected the dots instantly. Was this it, then? His years-long coping mechanism was coming to an end… He’d seen it coming. The number was bound to be given to someone else at some point.
Kazuha closed his eyes as he exhaled slowly, feeling slight tremors running through his hands. Although he felt a familiar sadness ripping through his soul anew, he didn’t feel the urge to cry. He’d long since grown desensitized to this emotion.
Another vibration sent through his fingers brought him out of his daze, and scarlet eyes blinked open. There was a new bubble in the chat.
‘’??’’.
The exclamation points somehow tugged at the man’s lips, despite the situation. Such an impatient person.
Kazuha’s fingers hovered over the keyboard with intent to explain himself, but he suddenly found that he was at a loss for words. He had spent years using this one-way chat to express his emotions freely, without fear of judgment, and now someone was on the other end. It made him hesitate, second-guessing himself.
Although he had planned on explaining the situation, Kazuha ultimately changed his mind. He wasn’t one to lie often, but he hardly saw himself tell such private history to god-knew-who.
‘’I believe I have the wrong number.’’.
The message was seen almost instantly. Kazuha didn’t have time to exit the conversation with the intention to never speak to them again before a new bubble appeared, catching his attention:
‘’bullshit’’.
The bluntness made Kazuha blink in disbelief. He wasn’t one to gasp at profanities, but such an unprompted and unwarranted crude word caught him off guard. He stared long enough for another message to pop:
‘’youve been sending cryptic messages for like six months’’.
This, though, did shake the white haired man to his core. He managed to click out of the chat at last, before turning off his screen. Ruby gazed up at the crescent moon, his pale brows furrowing.
A stranger had been accessing his deepest thoughts for months on end.
He’d just come back from his latest trip that had lasted just over six months, hence limiting the damages: Kazuha always texted less during his travels, something about living in the moment, which was now a blessing.
The man decided to leave his spot on the veranda, standing up before quietly making his way back to his room. He kept his steps light to not wake his dormant parents, thoughts askew.
Was he supposed to answer? He didn’t particularly want to. Kazuha was an open and honest man about pretty much anything in his life, but not this. It was the only thing he didn’t speak about. Everyone in his life respected that.
Once he reached his childhood bedroom, he sat on the edge of his bed, not bothering to turn on the light. The space was the same as the last time he’d left, unchanged. Stagnant, familiar. Moonlight was creeping in through the half-open window, bathing the room in a silver hue.
He could ignore the stranger, but it was rude and tactless- which fitted this stranger’s manners quite well, but Kazuha wasn’t the kind to stoop down to people’s level. If only it hadn't been about such a sore subject, maybe the man could have kept his own manners up, but as of now…
He made up his mind and opened the chat again to access the number’s settings in order to block it, just for another vibration to make him jump. He could evidently proceed with his initial intention and not even read the text, but curiosity was a vile thing.
Kazuha read the text.
‘’dont ignore me (¬`‸´¬)’’.
Somehow, it struck the white haired man with remorse. They hadn't done anything wrong to warrant such a cold reaction. They were curious, which was not a crime and honestly a legitimate answer after receiving anonymous love-sick texts during half a year without context.
About that… Kazuha scooted to sit against his wooden bed headboard, gathering his heavy blanket in his laps. He changed tracks to type in the chat instead, wording out his own curiosity in the form of a question:
‘’Why didn’t you say anything?’’.
Another fast reply.
‘’because IDGAF’’.
What had changed for them to contact Kazuha now, then. They’d kept silent for so long, now was an odd time to change their tune. He typed another question, blinking twice when the answer came only seconds later:
‘’Why are you telling me now?’’.
‘’bored’’.
‘’so what happened? your lover died or something’’.
The words should have shaken him up, yet he was in such disbelief at the blunt words he couldn’t help but snort. The odd reaction surprised him, and his amusement laced itself with something bitter. The corner of his mouth turned downward.
He opted to write another question instead of answering theirs.
‘’Have you been reading me?’’.
‘’not really (¬_¬)’’.
‘’just some bits in my notification’’.
‘’when I have nothing better to do’’.
Kazuha hummed to himself. He didn’t really know what to say to this, and so he stared at the chat until another message popped in:
‘’You didn’t answer me’’.
It made the white haired man’s lips flatten into a line. Quite insistent, weren’t they.
‘’It's a long story.’’.
He hoped the stranger would get the hint. Kazuha sometimes gave others too much credit.
‘’yeah well i cant sleep and I want to know’’
‘’you cant sleep either according to your 2am disgusting diary entries’’.
It really should have been more than off putting, but after gate-keeping his loss for so long and having everyone around him tip toe around the subject, thanks to none other but himself, it felt quite refreshing to have someone throw it in his face as such.
Still, he felt the need to point this out:
‘’You’re being quite insensitive.’’.
This time, the chat informed that the other was writing three times before the message came through:
‘’cry about it’’.
Another surprised chuckle filled the dark room. Being disrespected wasn’t something he was used to at all, and it should have been unpleasant… yet the tone felt light. All bark and no bite. He decided to inquire further:
‘’How am I supposed to share anything personal when you’re talking to me like this.’’.
There was a little pause before the next message appeared.
‘’you want to tell someone might as well be me’’.
It was Kazuha’s time to take a breather, frowning. Where had this supposedly transpired?
The man didn’t like how the words seemed to ring true the second he pondered for even a short instant: He usually wrote in this chat when he had too much to say and no one to say it too. The silence on the other side had always been cold, if not a little haunting. This turn of events was perhaps a blessing in disguise, not that he would admit it.
He’d long since convinced himself that he was perfectly fine in his isolation, and that keeping his friends at bay was a reasonable reaction. They had moved on, after all. He hadn’t. Speaking about all this now… The window of opportunity was gone.
It was impossible for the stranger to know any of this, though. Kazuha chose his words carefully, hugging his blanket closer.
‘’What gives you this impression?’’.
‘’you're still answering me’’.
The answer had been rapid fire.
Kazuha worried his lower lip between his teeth, nails digging into the side of his phone.
He could simply summarize the situation and leave it at that. His mind would be at ease and the stranger would be satisfied. It would take a minute or two, and then he could go back to trying to forget the whole thing ever happened in the first place. Yes, it would be easy- Except there was no way he could write it out in the chat.
Kazuha wasn’t a big fan of texting. He always found it made the tone cold and got in the way of making actual connections. Furthermore; spoken words existed only in memories, while written ones stayed longer, sometimes even forever.
For these reasons, he opted to try and shift their form of communication. He hit the call icon, biting harder into his lip.
‘’WTF’’
‘’WHY OYU CALLING”.
The call declined. Another message came through a couple seconds later.
‘’whats wrong with you’’.
Kazuha scrambled for an explanation, just now noticing how weird his sudden call must have transpired. He gave a reason on the top of his head he somewhat agreed with:
‘’It’ll take too long to write out.’’.
He knew some people didn’t like to speak over a phone call, but it was the only way he could do this. Also, it really would be more efficient. Since there was no answer, he opted to send another text to clarify his stance on the matter.
‘’I’m not telling you over text.’’.
There was a long moment where there was no answer and Kazuha wondered if the stranger had given up, before a single word came through:
‘’fine.’’.
Kazuha noted the punctuation, raising his eyebrows. So they did know how to use a dot. The man clicked the call button again, holding his breath while it rang. It took five rings before the other picked up.
Kazuha breathed out slowly, before cracking his throat and parting his lips: ‘’Hi.’’.
Silence. The red gaze jumped around the room, a little restless. It caught here and there on the various posters on the walls. There was the faint breathing of another human being on the line, the only reassurance they hadn’t hung up yet.
Feeling a little awkward, Kazuha decided to check in.
‘’Are you there?’’.
There was a scoff, then a low condescending tone answered him: ‘’What do you think, dumbass?’’.
Ah, so they were rude outside of texts also. The voice sounded masculine, raspy yet melodious. It was quite pleasant on the ears. Kazuha longed to put a face to the stranger, wondering what features would accompany such a sharp tongue. He sounded quite young, maybe in his twenties.
He licked his lips before answering to the other’s sass:
‘’Oh, forgive me for doubting your presence. People usually greet each other when they begin a call. Manners and all that, though you seem to lack them.’’.
There was a deafening silence, before the person on the line made an inquisitive sound.
‘’So you can bite back. Who could have thought.’’.
It was said in a playful tone, catching Kazuha off guard. It was a really nice voice. He didn't have time to recover before the other continued:
‘’No need for small talk. Spit it out.’’.
Kazuha couldn’t help a quiet laugh from escaping him, lips turning upward. ‘’I can’t begin to understand why you’re so invested in some stranger’s past.’’.
‘’I told you, I’m bored. My access to the WI-FI got revoked and this is my only distraction.’’.
‘’Revoked? How old are you?’’.
The stranger clicked his tongue, clearly offended. ‘’I’m not grounded. I’ll let you know I’m a grown ass adult. The place I’m at just turns off the internet past 10- which, fucking weird if you ask me. Anyways. Anytime soon?’’.
Kazuha hummed, taking his time to find the right words. Come to think of it, he hadn't even had to resume the story to anyone before. Most people in his life were plainly aware it had happened and new acquaintances simply weren’t told.
Knowing this stranger was exactly that, a stranger, and severing their connection was as easy as hanging up the phone felt somehow liberating. It freed him of some of the basis of human interaction, which revolved around non-verbal: the body language, the expressions, the mirroring effect caused by empathy.
There was distance, both physically and mentally.
Furthermore, he knew some of it already- he'd read Kazuha throughout the best part of half a year. It meant Kazuha didn’t start from scratch.
‘’Suddenly shy?’’ taunted the voice on the phone. ‘’How bothersome.’’.
The nudge managed to get him out of his head enough to push back. ‘’Show some patience, will you? I’m trying to get my thoughts together.’’.
‘’Pah, why such diligence. It doesn’t have to be all cute and romantic. Ditch the poetry and just tell me.’’.
Kazuha had sent some poems, hadn’t he. His cheeks warmed a little at the thought. He wasn’t one to be embarrassed about what he wrote, but these specific ones had never been for anyone’s eyes but his own.
It was too late to take them back, which meant there was no use in worrying over this now- especially not when he was about to share even more intimate thoughts with the stranger.
Anytime now.
The man took a deep breath in. Might as well get this over with.
‘’He wasn’t my lover.’’ he started. ‘’Nothing like that, but we were close. Closer than friends should be. I’d call him my best friend if anyone asked, although he always meant more to me.’’ added Kazuha, before taking a break to think his next words through.
They had grown up together, experienced the world along with each other and shared more life views than faith should allow. To Kazuha, what they have was symbiotic, as if completing one another while being one and the same at the same time.
He didn’t know where to begin in order to convey all of this. Expressing his deepest thoughts was proven to be quite the challenge on his own, putting aside the demanding task of bearing his soul naked for the other to gaze upon with each word leaving his lips.
Maybe he was overthinking this.
Kazuha opened his mouth again, a faint frown on his pale face: ‘’I was filled with affection and admiration for him for as long as I can remember. We had a deep respect and understanding toward one another, the kind of connection that happens only once in a lifetime-’’.
A low scoff cut him off, followed by a nasally bored voice.
‘’What in the soulmates-bullshit is this? You love the guy, we get it.’’.
‘’It’s not- You don’t understand.’’ said Kazuha. ‘’It went beyond carnal or even romantic feelings. Our relationship was never anything but platonic and It was fine because it didn’t matter.’’.
It was frustrating to try and fail to express how he felt. Kazuha wasn’t above mortal’s desires, yet what he had felt toward him had been so much deeper and meaningful than some shallow sexual desires. Don’t get him wrong, he had been attracted to him- a lot- but being close and existing in the vicinity of one another was enough.
Maybe things would have changed given time, maybe… Something ugly filled his chest like many times before, its nasty claws digging into his heart.
‘’Right. Look, I’ve seen some of the shit you sent- don’t try and tell me you’re not stupid in love.‘’.
‘’I was in love with him. And I’m sure he knew of it, but I never got to tell him.’’ clarified Kazuha. He’d been trying hard to keep the past tense when addressing him. There was a short lived silence before he added one of his deepest regrets: ‘’To this day, I… I still wonder how he would have reacted… have I confessed-’’.
‘’For the love of god, skip the emotional melodrama. How did he die?’’.
The sudden question ripped Kazuha out of the mindset he’d been slipping in, his spiralling coming to an abrupt end. The weight in his chest disappeared, surprised overtaking his senses. What kind of inquiry was that?
‘’How is that relevant?’’.
‘’How isn’t it?’’ mirrored the stranger. ‘’The way a person dies greatly affects how people grieve them. I bet it was a sudden death, with how you’re still not over it- how long ago was it? At least six months?’’.
Kazuha frowned a little, face morphing in something akin to a pout. ‘’It’s been close to two years.’’.
It was the whole reason he was back at all, actually. The anniversary was coming up.
‘’Cool. The cause of death?’’.
Kazuha sighed. ‘’Why are you so hung up on that?’’.
‘’I don’t know, morbid curiosity I suppose.’’ mumbled the stranger, before continuing with a firmer tone: ‘’More importantly is how you’re dodging the question. Was it that bad?’’.
There was raw curiosity in his voice, almost child-like. It made the question sound light-hearted and urged Kazuha to answer.
‘’No- not really.’’ admitted Kazuha, before revealing it at last: ‘’Lighting struck.’’.
There was a storm, not unlike one they had seen before. When you’re desensitized to something, you tend to forget its dangerosity even if it's a natural phenomenon.
‘’Damn, that’s metal as fuck.’’ muttered the stranger. ‘’Were you there?’’.
There was a silence where memories threatened to resurface. Kazuha pushed it down, closing his eyes tight.
‘’Yeah.’’.
‘’Oh my god. He so died in your arms, didn’t he?’’.
Another painful nudge, words hitting a little too close to home. Images started to paint themselves behind his eyelids, and so he blinked them away.
‘’Something like that.’’ he muttered.
‘’...oh.’’.
A silence. Kazuha wondered if the other was regretting their conversation. Imagining the stranger’s face stricken with shock made him smile not in an unkind way. He savored the aftermath of his revelation a little more, before crackling his throat and opting to change the subject:
‘’Would you care for some small talk now that I shared my oh so intriguing traumatic past with you?’’.
‘’Whatever.’’ was the delayed answer, and was that the hint of guilt he heard in his voice? It definitely was.
‘’Alright. What’s your name?’’.
Total silence was the momentary answer, and Kazuha felt as if he’d breached a sore spot- yet he had only asked for the other’s name. Was it a case of stranger-danger or did he have a reason to be so secretive?
He couldn’t analyse the reaction further, as the melodious voice filled his ears once more.
‘’Isn’t anonymously the whole appeal of this conversation?’’ spoke the other. ‘’You told me all this because you do not know me, didn't you? I'm a nobody without a name nor a face. Simply a disembodied voice. Anything you tell me doesn't matter, I don’t matter. Why change that?’’.
Kazuha hummed in answer, contemplating the words carefully. He wasn’t wrong, yet it didn’t feel right to keep it at that. He mulled it over for quite some time before he spoke next, some of the other’s words sinking in deeper until it was uncomfortable to stay quiet-
‘’You matter.’’ he gently corrected. ‘’Everybody does.’’.
‘’Ah? You don’t know me. I could be a repeated sex offender for all you know.’’ scoffed the stranger. ‘’Or maybe I kidnap kids and keep them in my basement.’’.
The hypotheticals cracked the man up.
‘’A grand criminal with a WI-FI curfew, of course.’’.
‘’Shut up.’’ grunted the stranger, and the tone scratched Kazuha’s brain in a certain way. ‘’I’ll have you know that I never said I don’t matter, I was just describing the hypothetical in which you were perceiving me if you managed to tell me all this shit when you clearly don’t talk about it. There’s nothing more to it.’’
‘’Right.’’.
‘’Why would I fucking lie?’’ snapped the raspy voice. ‘’If anyone does matter on this stupid planet, it’s me. I’m not one of these ugly losers without talent, alright? I’m better.’’.
The narcissism was oozing out of his lines. Kazuha was deeply entertained. The subtle desperation seeping in the voice turned it more nasally.
‘’Oh really?’’.
‘’Yes.’’.
Kazuha was having a lot of fun. ‘’What makes you so much better than anyone else?’’.
‘’I- uh. Well, I’ve been told I’m the prettiest on countless occasions, for starter.’’ grunted the annoyed voice. ‘’I.. I’m astute and rational, which makes me already more intelligent than a third of society. Do I sound like I have any sort of self-esteem issues, dickhead?’’.
Beautiful and intelligent. Noted.
‘’Hm, I guess I was wrong. My mistake.’’ chuckled Kazuha, before trying again: ‘’You told me a little about yourself. Now, do I get a name?’’.
‘’Fuck off.’’ spat the stranger. ‘’Why are you talking like a damn therapist?’’.
His reaction was odd. Was he perhaps scared of making connections? To connect with someone meant to let one-self be seen. It could be quite intimidating. Anonymity was comfortable and safe, without commitments.
Kazuha found that he didn’t wish for their interaction to end here. Maybe that’s why he was pushing for more. If the stranger wasn’t going to initiate, he’d try to reach out first. It might break this possible blockage or his.
‘’I’m Kazuha.’’ he introduced himself, an easy smile in his voice. ‘’I’m a blacksmith by trade, although I mostly make weapons only for aesthetics nowadays. I have an Etsy shop if you-’’.
‘’Stop- I don’t care.’’.
He barely managed to properly introduce himself before getting shot down. Kazuha didn’t let it discourage him.
‘’What do you do?’’.
There was silence, in which Kazuha wondered if the line was about to get cut. Had he pushed too much already?
‘’...nothing.’’ sighed the other. ‘’I’m unemployed.’’.
‘’Erm…’’ called a soft voice on the line. ‘’Hat guy.’’.
‘’Wha- Fuck!’’ loudly cursed the stranger- Hat guy? ‘’Don’t do that, what the fuck is wrong with you!!’’.
Kazuha’s eyebrows raised, his attention sorely focusing on the interaction happening on the other side of the line.
‘’I just wanted to inform you that you’re being quite noisy.’’ said a feminine hushed voice. ‘’Can you please tone it down a little?’’.
‘’Oh my god, are you kidding me? I’m not even that loud.’’.
‘’Who are you calling at this hour? If it’s Sethos-’’.
‘’It’s not him.’’.
‘’Alright. Are you having insomnia again? I can brew you some tea if you’d like-’’.
‘’No. Leave me alone.’’.
‘’Okay.’’.
There was the sound of a door being shut.
‘’Who was that?’’ inquired Kazuha, rolling on his stomach. The corner of his eyes was getting humid, eyelids heavy. He fought down a yawn.
‘’...Nahida.’’ informed the stranger, voice significantly lower despite refusing to get quieter just now. ‘’I’m crashing at her place.’’.
No job and living at someone’s… Was he currently homeless? If so, it raised the question as to how he found himself in this predicament. According to his reluctance to even share his name, Kazuha didn’t think he’d get an answer if he voiced out his curiosity. He didn’t even bother.
Maybe he’d ask another time, if another time ever had the chance to happen.
‘’She seems sweet,’’ he pointed out instead.
‘’She’s too fucking nosy for her own good.’’.
Kazuha hummed in acknowledgement. The hint of the sun could be seen on the horizon. He decided to point it out:
‘’It’s getting quite late, Hat guy.’’.
The reaction was instant:
‘’Fuck me.’’ cursed Hat guy, a groan in his voice. ‘’Not you too.’’.
Kazuha turned his face in his pillow, lips stretching into a smile. Every reaction out of the stranger was entertaining. It was probably due to the fact that he was so reactive and quite expressive speech-wise. Was he also expressive with his face?
‘’I wear a hat one time, and everyone starts calling me Hat guy.’’.
‘’I’ll call you by your name, if you give it.’’.
‘’Fuck off.’’ scoffed Hat guy. ‘’Go to sleep.’’.
‘’You too-’’.
The call ended abruptly. Kazuha’s lips stretched wider as he cozied up in his bed, pulling his blanket up to his chin. He felt lighter than he had felt in a good while, the possibility of a new friendship warming up his chest. The ghost of a smile was still on his face when his conscience slipped away. He dreamt of long blonde locks and sun-kissed smiles, beloved memories of a time long gone.