Work Text:
Present
Minho thought it was a good idea. Introducing his best friend to his high school friend group should have been a good idea. It had no reason not to be. Along with his family, his high school friends and Jisung’s and his friend group counted as people Minho cared for the most in the world.
On top of that, the dinner was fun. As expected, Jisung clicked with his friends. They laughed a lot, shared embarrassing stories about Minho and found shared interests to talk about. The evening made Minho’s heart full.
Until one of his high school friends pulled him to the side and asked him a question about his best friend that almost made Minho lie without a second thought: "Is Jisung single?"
No. Minho almost said no.
"Mhm," he said instead.
"Really? That’s good." Yujin nodded with a smile.
Minho frowned, not understanding why his heart sank or why he wanted to lie. Wordlessly, they returned to the table where Jisung, Eunwoo and Dongmin happily chatted. Yujin sat in Minho’s chair beside Jisung and it made Minho feel uneasy. Defeated, he chose not to watch the flirting that would inevitably occur. For the first time during the dinner, Minho paid no attention to Jisung. Instead, he talked with Eunwoo and Dongmin about movies and tried his hardest not to look in Jisung and Yujin’s direction unless they asked him something.
The night wrapped up and no one seemed to notice his mood souring. He greeted his friends with a fist bump each. Jisung, of course, did the same with a huge grin on his face and a promise they would all meet again.
Minho and Jisung drove home in silence. To Minho, it was torture. He focused on driving, hoping that Jisung wouldn’t ask him anything. And he didn’t. He knew Minho too well.
Jisung looked through the window at the lights of Seoul billboards, buildings and streetlamps until Minho parked at the parking spot reserved for their apartment. Then, Jisung unbuckled his belt, looked at Minho and smiled. Minho smiled back. Or at least he hoped he did.
They got into their apartment and as they kicked their shoes off, Jisung spoke for the first time since the dinner, "Thank you for tonight. I really needed to get out."
Minho nodded. "I know."
He did know. He knew Jisung well. When stress got to Jisung, he’d begin to isolate himself. It would last until Minho or one of their friends reached out to him. That was why Minho decided to take Jisung out and introduce him to his other group of friends. It was an easy decision. Yujin, Eunwoo and Dongmin begged to meet Jisung anyway. They seemed to love Minho's stories about Jisung’s and his adventures if their delighted laughter and excited comments were anything to go by. And, in their words, they needed to know who hogged so much of Minho’s time.
Minho sighed and looked at the ajar bathroom door where Jisung, who had already taken his jacket off, was washing his hands. He took his coat off and walked to the bathroom to do the same.
Jisung walked out, almost bumping into Minho. "Oops."
Seeing Jisung’s eyes widening as he made an exaggerated surprised expression made Minho smile in an instant. He shoved Jisung’s shoulder with his own. "Tsk. Watch where you are going."
Jisung grinned. "Me? How could I have known that you were creeping at the door?"
Minho stepped aside to let him get out. "Are you not used to my stealth by now?"
"I guess not." Jisung shook his head before stepping out. He turned around and contemplated Minho for a few seconds. He must have noticed that his energy dropped. Even though it looked like Jisung wanted to say more, he gave Minho a small wave. "Goodnight, hyung."
"Goodnight, Jisungie."
The soft sound of Jisung’s footsteps against the wooden floor kept Minho company until Jisung disappeared behind the doors of his bedroom.
Minho entered the bathroom. He didn’t register a single action he did to get himself ready for bed and, before he knew it, he was tucked in, wrapped in his huge blanket. He stared at the orange light from the streetlamp that reflected on his ceiling. Under the weight of the blanket, Minho felt paralyzed. He freed one of his arms and raised it, looking at his hand above him with a frown.
Yujin’s question from earlier still bothered him. It was direct and Minho could imagine that he probably already made a move on Jisung after Minho gave him confirmation that Jisung was single. Minho stayed out of their way, trying hard not to say or do anything that would make either of his friends uncomfortable. He might have spared himself from the truth this time, but eventually, he would learn the details of their conversation, from either Jisung or Yujin.
The more Minho thought about how bothered he was by the situation, the more he frowned. He hated himself for it. Why was the thought of Jisung being in a loving relationship making him so unhappy?
Because he would eventually move out and not be Minho’s roommate any longer? Yes, that would make him sad for a long while but neither of them viewed their current living arrangement as a forever solution, so he would have to get over it as the time passed.
Because Jisung would spend less time with him? Yes, but Jisung and Minho would always find time for each other. He couldn’t imagine a universe where that wasn’t true.
Because he didn’t want Yujin specifically to date Jisung? No. Both of his friends were lovely people.
Minho bit his lip.
Because he didn’t want any other person to hold Jisung the way he did, to make Jisung smile as much as he did, to make tasty meals for Jisung, to be Jisung’s safe space, to be Jisung’s best frie– No. Minho would always be his best friend.
Because he didn’t want any other person to be Jisung’s partner? Yes. If Jisung were to date Yujin, or anyone else for that matter, Minho would hate that. And would he hate it if any of his other friends had a partner? No, no he wouldn’t.
Minho sat up unsettled by the bitter thought that just flashed through his mind. His heart threatened to leave his chest. He took a deep breath.
Could it be that all these years he…
Oh. Oh.
He was in love with Jisung.
And it made sense. It made so much sense.
Taking care of Jisung was easy, understanding him was easy, living with him was easy. It was all so easy that the line between platonic and romantic love blurred without him noticing.
Loving his best friend was intuitive.
Minho fell on his back again. He didn’t sleep a wink, spending his night thinking of Jisung and wondering if Jisung was thinking of him too.
…
5 years ago
It was odd sitting in the back of the car and watching Chan all alone in the front when they were the only two people in the car. Or two people and three tiny creatures to be more exact. Minho sat in the back because he had his cats in the carriers.
Minho wanted professional photos of his cats as a gift to his mom and to himself. He mentioned it to Chan when they shared lunch over a break between classes, not expecting him to recommend a photo studio where his friend worked a student job nor offer to give him a lift there.
But there they were, in the car with Minho's cats.
The photo studio was close to their university and Minho's dorm so after about fifteen minutes in the traffic, Chan parked the car and turned to Minho with a smile. "Do you need a hand?"
"Yes, please." Minho nodded.
"Gotcha."
They both got out of the car and Minho handed Chan one of the carriers while he took the other one. Chan locked the car and Minho let him lead the way to the studio. When they entered, Minho's gaze wandered around a small but nicely decorated studio. The sets were organized exactly as shown on the website, and the studio also had a classic setup for taking ID or passport photos. The walls were decorated with vintage cameras, photo frames and photos taken by the owner of the studio.
Minho's favorite photo was a pet photo of a black cat with beautiful, big yellow eyes, of course.
"Hi Hannie!"
"Hi, Chan-hyung!"
The unfamiliar, but pleasant voice made Minho look at the boy standing at the counter. He was smiling brightly at Chan and his heart-shaped smile captivated Minho the second he saw it. Hannie was admittedly very cute. Round cheeks, nice smile, big brown eyes. Minho found his face worth noticing, that was for sure.
"This is Minho, the friend with cats I told you about," Chan said and then turned to Minho to point at Hannie, "and this is Jisung, the friend who will take photos of your children."
Their eyes met and Jisung's smile faltered, the few seconds of him looking at Minho seemed like an eternity because Minho was quite sure that Chan's cute friend was glaring at him. Jisung's face shifted back to a smile, but it was more reserved. For customers, Minho thought.
"Nice to meet you," Jisung said, reminding Minho that neither of them spoke yet.
"Nice to meet you too."
"Okay, please make yourselves comfortable. First, we can get the cats out to familiarize themselves with the environment. Does that sound good?" Jisung said, his eyes never leaving Minho.
"Sure, sounds good." Minho nodded.
And so, let the cats out they did. At first, they were cautious and Dori didn't even want to get out, but Minho lured him out with treats. The set Jisung had led them to was in a separate room, to ensure pets wouldn't run away or feel overwhelmed in the studio. The room also had less intense lighting. It gave Minho peace of mind because there were less objects to knock over, meaning less pressure in his head about it.
Minho couldn't keep his eyes off Jisung, whose full attention was on the cats from the moment they let them out. He called them cute and never once looked at Minho when he asked him how old the cats were. Minho explained their age and even told Jisung how he got each cat. Jisung listened and observed the cats with quiet longing in his gaze. Minho understood it all too well, so he gave him some treats because he knew that if Jisung fed them, they would get used to his presence quicker.
Jisung gave cats plenty of time before he explained to Minho and Chan which positions would be the best in terms of lighting. Getting the cats to sit still was a long, painful process, but the whole time Jisung was patient and professional. He assured Minho that if it didn't work, he could book another photo shoot at no additional expense.
When cats were almost exactly where Jisung wanted them, Minho and Chan did their best to ensure they stay there and to at least somewhat look towards the camera. They looked foolish waving cat toys around, but it paid off.
Chan went to play with the cats as soon as Jisung was done to give Minho time to look at the photos. And the photos were everything Minho requested and more. He wanted spontaneous photos showing his cats acting naturally and feeling as relaxed as possible in a foreign environment.
For individual photos, Jisung captured Soonie in various stages of lying on his belly, even during the loaf phase. Doongie was captured staring up at the toy Minho waved around and then reaching his paw to play with it. And Dori was lying on his back and looking up at the camera.
Photos of all three cats together ranged from them staring at the toy while standing, sitting, or twisting their bodies in playful manner. Jisung even managed to capture the two seconds where all three cats were sitting down.
"I love them, thank you so much."
"Any favorite you want to frame for your mother, then?" Jisung smiled at him, but turned away shyly when he met Minho's eyes, "Um, Chan told me they're for your mother's birthday."
"They are." Minho smiled, hoping that Jisung would look at him again, hoping that he would see Jisung again.
…
Present
Minho never wanted to run from Jisung. If he needed space, he knew Jisung would let him be, but never did he feel the need to get away. He didn’t like the feeling at all. It made his heart sink.
Their apartment was a safe space for them both. Jisung was his person. And Minho’s current feelings, that seemed grander than they should be, were making him want to leave the place and the person he found comfort in when he needed it.
Jisung sat across from him, munching on his breakfast and blinking at his phone, oblivious to Minho’s thoughts.
"Oh, wow," Jisung mumbled.
"Hm?"
"Your friend Yujin is very…friendly?" Jisung looked up from his phone, tilting his head.
Minho could only hope that his face didn’t twitch. "What do you mean?"
"We only met last night, and he already asked to exchange numbers and texted me a good morning message."
Before Minho could stop it, an ugly emotion spread through his chest. He wanted to get away. He needed to get away before he said anything that could hurt Jisung.
"Yeah, he’s always been extroverted," Minho mumbled. His gaze lowered to his plate, and he ate his scrambled eggs in a hurry.
He felt Jisung’s eyes on him the whole time before he hummed softly. "I see. Well, he was pretty fun to talk to."
Minho got up faster than lighting. He picked his empty plate up and carried it to the sink. "I’m running late!"
"Huh? Late to where? It's Sunday, hyung."
"Going on tour next week. Need to practice." Minho rushed to the door. He threw on the first pair of shoes and jacket he found and left the apartment.
He didn’t lie. Well, not fully. Felix, Hyunjin and he really were going on a tour as backup dancers next week. Jisung knew that too. But needing to practice was a complete lie.
As he ran down the stairs, Minho knew he was going nowhere. Minho did what Jisung usually did when his emotions got overwhelming. He ran.
Had it been any other situation, Minho would have talked to Jisung directly. Had it been Jisung who was running, Minho would have welcomed him with open arms when he got back and told him that everything would resolve.
But this time, it was him and he felt hopeless. Not because being in love with Jisung was a problem or an obstacle to overcome in their friendship, but because it was the reality of how Minho had always felt and how he would always feel.
Minho couldn’t run forever, but he needed to be alone with his feelings for a while because losing his best friend and his favorite person was at stake and he needed to think hard about how to place himself.
…
5 years ago
Minho, Hyunjin and Felix came into the bar later than others because Minho was stuck waiting for Hyunjin and Felix since their contemporary dance class was prolonged. Chan who had invited Minho along, was already sitting at the table with Jisung and Changbin who Minho already knew and two guys that he only heard of so far. Seungmin, Felix's infamous roommate, and Jeongin the first year that Seungmin 'collected' in one of his classes as Chan had put it.
Minho made it his mission to secure an empty seat beside Jisung, so he walked in front of Hyunjin and Felix. When he sat down, he caught Changbin smirking at him and made sure to give him a glare before smiling and greeting everyone.
Chan, ever the leader, made them all introduce themselves like they are in an elementary school class for the first time again. Minho pretended to hate every second, but he quite enjoyed watching everyone struggle to decide which fun facts to share about themselves. He found Jeongin especially cute because he was enthusiastic about pursuing singing and meeting everyone.
And, of course, Jisung. But Minho already knew how cute he found Jisung, even when he glared at him the first time he saw him.
When they all introduced themselves and got settled with the drinks, the conversation in the group naturally divided: Changbin was grilling Jeongin with questions while Chan mediated between them, and Hyunjin, Felix and Seungmin lost themselves in a deep conversation. Minho used the opportunity to talk to Jisung alone.
"Hi."
"Hi." Jisung briefly looked at him before his gaze shifted to the drink in his hands.
"My mom loved the photos. Thank you again."
"No problem." Jisung nodded.
A tough cookie to crack. Jisung sure was it. Minho never had more trouble getting anyone's attention.
"Did I do anything wrong?"
"I’m sorry?" Jisung finally looked at him, a puzzled expression on his face.
"When you first saw me, you glared at me. Then, you paid attention to my cats, but never to me. Unless you had to."
"I was just being professional."
"Hm, I don’t know about that. I could file a complaint about you not being very customer friendly." Jisung's expressive face fell into pure shock, making Minho chuckle. "Relax. I wouldn’t do that."
"Very funny." Jisung shook his head. "So, um, you’re new here?"
"Yes. This is my first semester here. I transferred from another academy."
"Ah, yeah, Chan-hyung said so."
Minho raised his eyebrows. "So, you’ve been asking about me?"
"Don’t flatter yourself." Jisung rubbed his face, intensifying the rosiness of his cheeks.
"You’re right. I almost forgot you glared at me."
"I didn’t."
"You did."
"Fine, I might have." Jisung took a sip of his drink before sighing and looking at his hands. "I’m sorry."
"So, was it anything I did?"
"You won’t let it go, will you?" Jisung looks at him, exasperated.
"Well, since Chan’s intention is for all of us to hang out, I’d hate it if we were on bad terms."
"Fine. It wasn’t anything you did. I was a bit jealous because I thought you were very handsome."
If Minho was drinking, he would have spit his drink. Instead, he only gazed at Jisung while a mixture of fondness and wonder rushed through him. Minho decided that Jisung, the little oddball who glares at people he finds attractive, must become Minho's best friend.
Minho was about to react and tease Jisung some more when Jisung spoke again, "Excuse me, you should get to know others. I’ll go talk to Jeongin, he is new too."
With that, Jisung turned away from him to tug on Changbin's hoodie sleeve. "Hyung, switch seats with me, it's my turn to talk to Jeongin!"
Changbin whined about it but switched seats with Jisung anyway. Minho and Changbin talked and laughed for the rest of the night, but Minho couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering to Jisung, satisfied to find that Jisung stole glances at him too.
Talking to Jisung left Minho hanging in a whole new way from the first time they met, and he didn’t mind at all. He was excited to corner Jisung again if it meant getting more confessions like this one.
…
Present
"Hyung?"
Minho was folding his clothes when Jisung's head peeked through the door.
"Yes, Jisungie?"
"Can we talk?"
Minho placed the sweatshirt he just folded into his suitcase and looked up at Jisung who had already entered his room and shuffled on his feet.
Minho frowned and sat on his bed, patting the empty spot beside him. "Of course. Sit?"
Jisung sat down and gave Minho a small smile.
Minho smiled back. "What's up?"
"So, I sort of accepted something. And I should have checked with you before. But you were so busy with rehearsals, I barely saw you. And when I did you were quiet and exhausted and I didn't want to bother you…"
Minho frowned at Jisung's nervous rambling. He hadn't considered how abruptly distancing himself from Jisung would impact his best friend. Oh, he felt bad.
"Jisungie… I'm sorry for being distant. What did you accept?"
"It's okay, hyung. You were busy."
It wasn't okay. Even when they were both at their busiest, they would prioritize spending time together over anything else. Minho's chest tightened. He took Jisung's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Anyway, yeah…" Jisung squeezed his hand back. "Yujin asked me on a date."
Minho saw it coming. He just hoped it wouldn't be so soon and while he was away with no way to see Jisung. Minho took a sharp breath through his nose, trying to conceal that his heart just broke.
"But I declined," Jisung continued, "I'm not interested in him like that. He understood and said I should still come and grab drinks with your high school friends when I'm free. Maybe he is hoping for something, and I wish I could talk to you beforehand, but I agreed. And then, I realized that we would go when you're not here and I feel bad. It's wrong—"
"Jisung-ah," Minho said gently, "you are allowed to hang out with my friends. You are all free to choose to enjoy each other's company without asking me. Yes, I would love to go with you, but that will have to wait until I'm back home."
Minho felt relieved, worried and guilty at once. He had no right to be this happy when Jisung wasn't his boyfriend and when he was still unsure what to do with the feelings trapped in his chest, but damn did it feel good knowing that Jisung rejected the date. Still, Yujin could shoot his shot again when they meet up and what if Jisung found him more charming in person than over text messages. It was very possible, they were both young, single, and a catch.
Minho snapped out of his conflicting thoughts when Jisung wrapped his arms around Minho's waist, pulling him in a tight hug. Minho held him close. If only he didn't have to leave. If only he could hold Jisung forever. Because it felt as if they belonged in each other's embrace.
"You're so nice, hyung. I guess I thought you'd have more of a reaction," Jisung mumbled against Minho's shoulder.
"Oh, you did?" Minho blinked.
"Mhm… I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
They held onto each other tighter.
Later, when Minho went to sleep, the slumber refused to find him because he kept wondering what kind of reaction Jisung had expected from him.
…
5 years ago
"Hi."
Jisung looked up at him from where he was sitting on the bench. He blinked and took his earphones out. "Hi."
"I saw you sitting here and thought I'd stop and greet you."
"Ah, yeah, hah. How are you?"
Minho sat on the bench beside Jisung. "Good. Actually, on my break now so I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee with me. If you're free…"
"Oh," Jisung said, looking at him like Minho wanting to hang out with him sounded unbelievable.
"Yeah, I want to be friends with you." Minho attempted to lighten the mood by winking at Jisung.
"Okay. Me too." Jisung gave him a timid smile.
Minho took Jisung to his favorite coffee place and got them both iced americanos. They sat across from each other and sipped on their drinks in a bit of awkward silence.
To Minho's surprise, it was Jisung who broke the ice. "So, Chan-hyung tells me that you dance."
"Yeah. Originally, I went to the other academy because it was closer to my childhood home. But attending this one was my actual dream, so I decided to transfer," Minho said and Jisung hummed, letting him speak, "and Chan-hyung tells me that you are in music department with him."
"It's actually only my first year. Chan-hyung was my mentor on one of our projects. Then I met Changbin-hyung through him and the three of us agreed to work on some stuff together. It's very fun! So, wait, you know Changbin-hyung too, right?"
"Oh, yeah. I actually met him before I met Chan-hyung. Because Changbin often hangs around the dance department to flirt with Hyunjin."
"That's true! We tease him about it all the time." Jisung laughed.
"We tease Hyunjin too. They are both very obvious. A few weeks ago, Changbin invited Hyunjin out for drinks, but I guess he wanted to seem less direct, so he invited Felix and me along too. And he brought Chan-hyung with him and that's how I met him."
"Wait! I think that was about a month ago. I was supposed to come too, but I was sick."
"Shame, we could have met then and laughed at Changbin and Hyunjin together."
"True… A missed opportunity. But hey, we can laugh at them from now on."
"Deal. And I do think the way we met was more fun. Even though you glared at me…"
"Not this again."
"Fine, fine. I'll stop teasing you."
"Thanks! Also, I just realized that Chan-hyung knows everyone. What a social butterfly…"
"Couldn't be me. I prefer watching anime and movies in the safety of my own room."
Jisung's eyes sparkled. "Me too! Wait, now I have to know your favorite anime!"
Jisung and Minho talked for hours, their coffee was long gone. The conversation between them was easy and natural, and Minho quickly learned that he found a great potential friend in Jisung. He even dared to think that they could become best friends. Because Jisung made him laugh like no one else, understood him well, didn't ask him to tone his jokes down. Minho had so much fun that it left him almost incredulous how one person could match his energy so well.
By the end, Jisung was almost late for his lecture. Minho offered to walk him there, but they ended up sprinting instead of parting with a lovely walk.
Minho didn't mind. Not when Jisung gave him a bright smile and a tiny wave before he rushed into the lecture hall, leaving Minho joyful and completely careless for the rest of his day.
…
Present
Minho missed Jisung. Very much.
But he was a fool who made his case even more difficult by not texting Jisung nearly as much as he usually would.
Because for the first time since the start of their friendship, Minho was terrified. He last heard from Jisung a few days ago when he mentioned going out with his friends. When Minho went to bed that night, he couldn't sleep a wink, worrying that Yujin would make another move on Jisung.
And now, Minho was still worried, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to the source of his worries. In part, he was delaying his potential heartbreak. But also, he didn't want to ruin anything good that his friends could have by his reaction.
Despite avoiding the truth, not hearing from Jisung was tearing him apart. Not only did Minho miss him, but he wondered if he ate well, took care of his health, and… if he missed him too.
Minho frowned at his phone that was lying beside him on bed. Then, he grabbed it and took three sharp breaths through his nose before dialing Chan's number.
"Minho! Hi, how are you doing?"
"Hi, Chan-ah. A bit tired over here. Felix and Hyunjin are already asleep, actually. What about you?"
"Yeah, same here. I'm still working on the most recent 3RACHA song, even though Bin and Hannie are already home."
"You should rest more, hyung."
"I know, I know. Bin and Hannie always tell me so too."
"I wanted to ask you something. Is Jisungie doing okay?"
"Why are you asking me?" A frown in Chan's voice was clear. "Have you guys not been in touch?"
"Not much…"
"Minho… what's going on?"
"Nothing. Is he doing okay?"
Chan sighed. "Not really. So, I know it's not nothing."
Neither of them spoke for a minute or two. Chan's silence was a clear invitation for Minho to open up. And maybe telling Chan the truth was the right move. Maybe with the cat being out of the bag, Minho could feel less alone with his feelings.
"I—"
"Fuck, sorry! Hang on a second, someone is banging on the studio door."
"Hyung! Why are you still in the studio? See, I told Sung that you were here, and he thought you'd be reasonable and sleep. This is not sustainable. I'm so frustrated with you!"
Changbin's voice rang loud, making Minho flinch because he just heard something he shouldn't have.
"Bin, quiet down! I have Minho on the line."
"That's great! He is the second source of my frustration!"
"Hey, stop!"
Minho heard the sounds of Chan's struggle to keep the phone. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He never once had a conflict with Changbin and he wasn't sure if he was ready for what was to come.
"Minho-hyung! Why are you ignoring Jisung?"
"He hasn't reached out to me either," Minho mumbled.
"Yeah. I told him the same thing, but now I know his reasoning. And from where he is standing, it feels justified to me. But I want to understand you too."
Minho sighed. "Put me on a speaker."
"Go on, we are listening," Chan said.
Minho decided to tell them everything from the night they met up with his friends, without concealing how he felt and what he did in reaction to it. It was difficult to be so open with his feelings, but he also admitted to missing Jisung, and being terrified of losing his friendship with Jisung and Yujin by not being able to cope with their potential relationship. When he finished speaking, he took a long breath.
"Please, don't tell any of this to Jisung. I know you guys are close and see him every day, but…"
"Of course we won't. I didn't tell you what Jisung told me either, did I?" Changbin said, voice firm, "but, Minho, please talk to him."
"I know I should, but I'm not ready to confess to him yet."
"We aren't asking you to confess. Clearly, for you, there is a lot on the line, and you want to work through your messy head first. I understand that. But it just seems like radio silence isn't doing either of you good. If nothing, check on him. You are his best friend and we can't compare to that," Chan said.
"Yeah. I did my best to make him feel better, but he misses you too. And when you decide to talk about your feelings, we'll be here for you both, no matter what the outcome is. Jisung loves you a lot, never forget that."
Even though Changbin and Chan were respectful and didn't share Jisung's exact feelings or words, it was easy for Minho to depict how hurt Jisung was by the lack of contact between them. The guilt ate him alive.
But he was also thankful that they had wonderful friends who heard them out and offered support without judgment because they knew how important their friendship was to them.
"I know. Thank you both, for being better friends to him than I have been lately."
"And for that, I will smack you," Changbin said, but Minho could hear gentleness in his voice.
"Deserved."
Minho, Chan and Changbin shifted to lighter topics and chatted some more. After the phone call ended, Minho opened his chat with Jisung:
Me
hi Jisungie!
sorry for being absent
how are you?
Jisungie
oh, hi, hyung!
i thought you were abducted by aliens…
i'm okay, you?
Minho smiled at his phone at the immediate response that he definitely didn't deserve, but his relief and happiness were short-lived because he wasn't okay and he knew that Jisung wasn't either. Still, for now he would have to pretend and just keep Jisung close until he was brave enough to say what he felt.
…
4 years ago
The first thing Minho heard when he approached his friends was Hyunjin complaining. About him. And Jisung.
"Minho-hyung this, Minho-hyung that. I'm so sick of him, Jisung! You keep talking about him every time we meet up, and I see him every day at uni. Please give me a break!"
Minho was satisfied to hear it. He loved knowing that he was on Jisung's mind even when they weren't together, because he thought of Jisung a lot too, his best friend being his light even on the gloomiest of days.
"What am I hearing, Hyunjin-ah? That you're sick of my face," Minho said, sitting beside Hyunjin, throwing his arm around his shoulder, and puckering his lips.
"Ew." Hyunjin pushed him away with an exaggerated disgusted face.
Jisung laughed loudly while Jeongin cringed beside him, but smiled at Minho and Hyunjin nonetheless.
"Well, you three," Minho said, "it's your lucky day. You are riding with me."
Jeongin nodded. "That's good because Han-hyung can't live without you."
"Innie! Not you too..."
"Well, you should talk about Minho-hyung less. Maybe with his graduation next year you become less obsessed with him." Hyunjin reached across the table to poke Jisung's cheek.
"Obsessed? I'm not!"
"It's okay, Jisung-ah. Hyunjin just wishes you were obsessed with him." Minho smiled at Jisung.
"Again. Ew." Hyunjin shook his head.
"Come to think of it, I think Jisung is obsessed with me actually," Jeongin said, nudging Jisung's arm with his elbow.
"Oh, is he now?" Minho raised his eyebrows playfully at Jisung.
"I'm neither confirming nor denying this." Jisung grinned.
"See, he doesn't even feel guilty! He keeps trying to get me to kiss him, I can't take this anymore!"
"But you're so kissable, Innie. And I am too, we should kiss!" Jisung wrapped his arms around Jeongin, trying to kiss his cheek.
"No, nope! Minho-hyung, where is your car?" Jeongin stood up, detaching himself from Jisung and earning a pout in return.
Minho shook his head and laughed softly, while Hyunjin sighed beside him. "I wish I was in the other car... with my wife."
"Wife?"
"Binnie is his wife now, didn't you know, hyung?" Jisung wiggled his eyebrows.
"I miss one gathering and something this important develops, wow."
"Loser, hah!"
Jisung was quick on his feet and hid behind Jeongin to avoid Minho's glare.
"Innie, the car is over there." Minho pointed at the car.
"Sweet!" Jeongin said, walking to the car, leaving Jisung to Minho's mercy.
Before Jisung could sprint after Jeongin, Minho walked over to him, patting his butt. "Get to the car, you brat!"
"Why am I here?" Hyunjin rolled his eyes, leaving behind flustered Jisung and Minho.
…
The night was warm, with the clear skies and many visible stars. Minho sank in his chair, exhausted from preparing barbecue for everyone and Chan wasn't looking any better where he sat beside him. They were celebrating Chan's graduation, and yet he had to do almost everything himself. Minho felt bad, but Chan assured him that he didn't care, as long as everyone gathered and had a good time.
And Minho felt that he meant it as he stared at everyone with such fondness in his eyes. Minho watched Chan for a bit, feeling appreciation for him. Not having him around as much would sting. Minho wasn't ready for it in the slightest.
Then, his eyes shifted to their friends, tipsy and happy, tormenting the younger ones. Jeongin was cringing at Hyunjin and Changbin snuggling together and trying to get him to join them. And Seungmin was squished between Felix and Jisung, which was a nightmare for him since both were affectionate drunks and either touched him or grabbed one another over Seungmin.
While watching them, Minho understood Chan's affection. In only a year, he made friends for life. He was glad he transferred here.
Like a magnet, Jisung attracted Minho's eyes the most. Currently, Jisung and Felix had their heads on Seungmin's poor shoulders, and Minho noticed a faint smile on Seungmin's lips before observing Jisung again. His best friend was cute, with his cheeks flushed and a sleepy smile on his face.
Minho's heartbeat quickened when Jisung looked at him and got up to walk over to where Chan and he were sitting. He stumbled towards them before stopping right in front of Minho. For a second, Minho was sure that Jisung would say something to him as he gazed at him with parted lips. To his disappointment, Jisung went to Chan and took his hands.
"Hyung! Why are you leaving us?"
"I'm not, Hannie."
"But I won't see you every day. What if you find new friends?" Jisung frowned.
"We both might find new friends, but that doesn't make our friendship any less important. And you promised to still work with Bin and me, didn't you Jisung-ah?"
"I'll miss you, Channie-hyung."
"You'll see me often, don't worry. But I'll miss you too."
Minho listened to their exchange, love and something undefined that bothered him after hearing Jisung speak to Chan that way mixed in his chest. Minho drowned the latter by love he felt for Chan and Jisung. After all, he'd miss Chan too.
A weight on his lap interrupted his wandering mind. Minho looked up to see Jisung already looking at him with a pout. "Hyung, if this is how I feel about Channie-hyung leaving, how will I even survive when you leave next year?"
And just like that Minho's chest was filled with a familiar satisfaction. Jisung always thought of him. And Minho always thought of Jisung. They were a pair of best friends, bound together by universe. And for now, Minho refused to think of the time when he wouldn't see Jisung almost every day.
"Let's not think about that yet," Minho said, wrapping his arms around Jisung.
Jisung looked at him for one heartbeat, then two, then three. His cheeks burned with a cute rosy shade. And Minho looked right back, as if he could ever have his attention elsewhere with Jisung this close. His ears burned and his grip on Jisung tightened.
"Okay. Yeah." Jisung smiled at him and leaned his head against Minho's shoulder.
The noise of their friends was overshadowed by their calm breaths. The cool evening air was warmed by Jisung's body against his. The love Minho felt for his best friend somehow outgrew the cocoon of Minho's heart.
…
Present
Minho, Hyunjin and Felix were enjoying some down time in a restaurant when Minho's phone rang persistently for the third time. Worried, Minho excused himself and went outside of restaurant to talk.
"Hello."
"Hi, Minho," Yujin's voice greeted him without usual cheerfulness in it.
"What's up, man?"
"Actually, I need to tell you something. I was going to wait until you came back, but it's been eating me alive."
"What is?" Minho hoped his voice had come out steadily.
"I want to apologize to you."
"Why?"
"I didn't realize that you like Jisung. If I did, I would never even consider asking him out. You're a great friend and I would never intentionally hurt you. I'm sorry."
"Yujin-ah, you don't have to apologize to me for your feelings. How do you know that I like him?"
"Well, I didn't notice because my attention was on him the whole time. We met up with him a few days ago. All he talked about was you and I admit that I got a little frustrated because I had to accept the obvious rejection twice. I told Eunwoo and Dongmin how I felt and they told me it was obvious that you liked Jisung too. And if I paid more attention to you, I'd notice too. I mean, we all know how to tell when the other has a crush, right?"
"I mean, if they noticed my crush, but not yours, maybe we don't?"
"I guess we don't, yeah."
Yujin laughed and Minho did too. The tension left his body. He couldn't handle losing Jisung, but losing Yujin would suck just as much. Years of comfortable laughter and fun stories connected their little high school friend group and Minho would hate if it ended.
"Are you okay?" Minho asked softly.
"Yeah, I mean, it was a little crush. I might have to give it a bit of time before we meet again. I just wish you were honest with me."
"I swear I would have been, had I known. It's not like I never realized, but I never put a name on my feelings towards Jisung. But when you expressed interest in him, it made everything clear for me. I'm sorry if I put you through an uncomfortable situation."
"Wow, so I might be what pushes you guys together. Look, it's okay. I'm just happy that we talked and that we can go on. I'd hate to lose you."
"Me too. The thought of not being friends bothered me a lot lately."
"Well, that's not happening! Also, Minho-yah… I know that it's not my place, but for what is worth, Jisung talked about you so sweetly that I think he likes you too. You can trust me, I was right about all your hopeless crushes in school."
"If I was there right now, I'd smack you. But thanks for saying that."
"Imagine me smacking you back and wishing you it all works out."
Minho smiled, thankful for having a sweet friend. "Yujin-ah, thank you."
After hanging up, Minho headed back into the restaurant. Felix and Hyunjin looked at him with worry, and he knew that he had to tell them everything. But they weren't the only ones he wanted to bear his feelings to.
…
A year ago
"Announcement time!" Jisung clapped his hands and everyone looked at him, including Minho who knew what was coming.
"Oh, finally!" Changbin said, looking between Minho and Jisung.
Minho raised an eyebrow at him. Did Jisung tell him already?
Jisung looked confused by Changbin's statement as well. "Did Minho-hyung tell you?"
"What? I thought you told him?"
"Neither of you told me. I've suspected you two have been dating for a while now, we all did," Changbin said.
They both freeze. They weren't dating. They were going to be roommates. That was all there was to it, despite them sitting here and blushing like fools at their friends' assumption.
Minho was saved from the thoughts threatening to swarm him, by Chan's voice. "Bin, let them tell us what they wanted themselves."
"Minho-hyung and I aren't dating. We are moving in together now that I graduated, though," Jisung said, giving their friends an awkward smile.
Minho hated to see him uncomfortable, so he threw his arm around Jisung's shoulder. "Yep! Jisungie is now my best friend and roommate."
"Wow, a promotion," Seungmin said, voice deadpan.
Minho was about to tell him off when Changbin interrupted him. "Guys, I'm so sorry for assuming. Not cool of me."
"Don't worry, hyung. I guess we act kind of married sometimes, right jagi-ya?" Jisung looked at him.
"Yes, baby," Minho agreed with a smile.
"Are you going to keep making us gag or can we congratulate you now?" Jeongin asked.
"Alright, alright, cheers everyone!"
"Cheers!"
They all raised their beers and drank.
"So, when's the housewarming?" Felix asked.
"Oh, yeah! You are having one, right?" Hyunjin clinked his beer with Felix.
"Yeah, we were thinking in two weeks," Jisung said.
Minho spent the rest of the evening with his thigh glued to Jisung's and stole glances at him every few seconds. Moving in with Jisung felt like a reward since he spent the past couple of years seeing Jisung a bit less due to their work and university schedules often clashing. Minho was excited to start a new phase of their friendship.
…
Present
Jisung wrote down his most intense emotions. His thoughts then turned into beautiful, meaningful songs that resonated with many people.
Minho was one of those people.
Minho always hoped at least one of those songs was about him. His intuition told him that it could be true.
While Jisung's medium were words, arranged with purpose and melody or sincere, gentle compliments, Minho's medium were actions. Minho's love resided in a cooked meal, a bought coffee, a drive somewhere, a planned outing or a night in.
In a way, they always cared for one another quietly, indirectly.
Minho loved that about their friendship. Not much needed to be said or done. And it was enough.
But right now, Minho needed Jisung's medium. He needed words. No matter how clumsy his words would be, he was determined to write them down for Jisung, because the honesty between them was long overdue.
And so, Minho wrote.
Hey you,
by the time this letter reaches you, I might be back already. I can't wait to see you.
I owe you a reason for being distant for the past couple of months. I haven't been the best friend and for that, I'm so sorry.
I always thought that nothing could bring us apart. Until Yujin confessed to you after I told him you were single. I feel bad about this, but wished I lied, wished I said you were with me instead. I don't like the idea of you doing relationship things with someone, because I want you to do those things with me.
I realized that I've always known what my feelings for you were. I just wasn't brave enough to acknowledge them because our friendship means everything to me. But now I can admit for sure that I like you as more than a friend. I have since we met probably. Jisungie, I want to be your boyfriend.
I hope we can work this out when I'm back. I'll apologize again and we'll talk. But remember, whatever you feel, I just want to be your best friend and keep walking with you.
I love you,
Minho.
…
Minho's heart was heavy when he entered their apartment. Jisung and he kept texting and checking on each other, but Jisung never mentioned the letter Minho wrote which left him with uneasy anticipation.
Minho took his jacket off and took a deep breath, preparing to call out to Jisung, but when he turned around Jisung already stood before him, hands clutched and eyes puffy. Minho couldn't stand that Jisung cried and he wasn't there to comfort him.
They moved towards one another at the same time, Minho opened his arms, awaiting a hug. Instead Jisung grabbed him by the back of his neck and pressed their lips together. Minho was shocked for a fraction of a second before his lips moved against Jisung's.
Kissing Jisung was intuitive. They both knew how much they wanted to take, guided by years of subconscious want.
Minho placed his hands on Jisung's waist, making him gasp and tighten his hold on Minho's neck. Their lips pressed together with more force, stealing air from Minho's lungs. But he couldn't think of letting go, not when Jisung was kissing him harder, like Minho's lips were his oxygen.
Kissing Jisung was so much better than any of Minho's dreams promised.
And Minho loved this reality. The reality where Jisung looked at him with such softness and a blush on his face when they pulled apart. The reality where Jisung's arms dropped to circle around his shoulders instead of letting him go.
"I read your letter, hyung."
Minho nodded. "I figured."
"I wish we talked sooner. We still should." Jisung briefly looked away, but his eyes were back on Minho, more determined. “But first I had to let you know that I want to be your boyfriend too."
Minho blinked. "You do?"
"Wasn't that clear, jagi-ya?" Jisung smiled.
"I don't know, why don't you give me a confirmation?" Minho placed his hand on Jisung's cheek, caressing it slowly.
Without hesitation, Jisung leaned in and kissed him again.
Softly, slowly, they kissed in front of their entryway, exchanging years of unspoken emotions. Jisung moved his lips against Minho’s with gentle reassurance that he felt the same way, making any residual worries about them coming to an end vanish.
"I love you," Jisung whispered against Minho's lips.
"I love you too."
Minho felt it in his chest—his love for Jisung leaving the cocoon of his heart for good and taking a new form—a beautiful fluttering butterfly.