Chapter Text
It is commonly accepted that the end of all things is but a means to give reason to the absurd nature of existence and life as a whole, but what most people fail to acknowledge is that if this is true then the motivation one receives from the inevitability of death is the product of the paradox of human stasis and the parallel nature of the relative systematic function in our society that distorts the singular duality of life and death.
Damn, the weed was strong.
Anyway...
Robin was watching her favorite romantic show on TV, and by ‘favorite’ she means the most edible one for her.
A fun fact about the eighties is that if you went to any studio in Hollywood and said the word ‘gay’ out loud you would be shot approximately fifty one times, burned alive and people would gather to piss on your grave. Or something along the lines of that.
Point being, the most relatable romance that Robin could watch was one of two things: The first was a relationship between a female character and her inevitable female friend that either had more chemistry than the actual pairing, or was completely unnecessary but always stayed friends no matter what.
The second was a standard (also inevitable) straight relationship but with the guy being relatively thin and having long hair, thus giving off the illusion of being a girl. The show fell into that category.
She shoved more popcorn into her mouth. She hadn’t watched this episode before. The romantic pairing of twenty-somethings that were supposed to be high schoolers were walking through the abandoned halls of their school.
It looked like it was near the end of the second season, since the guy character has his hair long (from the third season onwards he has them short). The dialogue between them was awkward, kinda flirty and pretty mediocre, but it didn’t really matter. The guy pinned his love interest against a locker and a stray popcorn fell from Robin’s mouth. The actor on screen moved to kiss—
Suddenly the footage on the television cut to a Russian man with a weird face.
“Yuri’s come to make an announcement!”, he said in terrible English. It was horrifying. “The lesbian have gone too far! Two minutes ago Yuri saw a woman getting fucked by woman and it was the weirdest thing he had ever seen! That’s right! There were in women’s bathroom and they fucked! Without dicks! Yuri pointed that out but women didn’t understand! They said ‘Go fuck yourself’! Did Yuri do that?! Yes! But that’s irrelevant! So Yuri’s sending this message to everyone in the USA: lesbian now illegal! Lesbian no more! And guess what?! Yuri already killed all lesbian in Russia! But Yuri’s not going to stop there! No, no, no! Yuri’s gonna kill all lesbian! Ever!”
She didn’t know who this man was. Common sense told her that this was a farce, a very well planned farce. Yet still, deep in her soul, Robin felt inescapable dread.
“In about one week all lesbian dead! Now Yuri leaves to have sex with your mother!”
The screen faded to black.
Five seconds later a gate to the upside down opened in the ceiling and an interdimensional horror fell right beside Robin.