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In theory, Regulus and James’s online personas had nothing in common.
James, with his cheerful sparkle in his eye, warm smile, and signature yellow apron covered in tiny, adorable bees, ran a well-known and well-loved cooking channel filled with color and a variety of flavors.
Regulus, on the other hand, always dressed in black and always scowling, stirred storms with every video, ruthlessly criticizing the stupidity promoted online and harmful behaviors in general. All his videos echoed loudly with his sharp tongue, refined eloquence, and a disdainful sense of superiority toward all forms of foolishness. There wasn’t a single internet-savvy person who hadn’t come across at least one of his videos.
But in practice what solidified their strong positions was the same thing - authenticity.
Because what defined James’s channel was a simple love for food. The only thing James ever promoted was the courage to try new flavors, and he explained even the basics with remarkable gentleness and patience even to the most stubborn viewers. His channel was his hobby, untouched by collaborations or sponsorships, as his main source of income was his job as a chef in one of the more refined restaurants in London.
Regulus, meanwhile, never held back his tongue, his audacity, or his biting remarks, never worrying about potential demonetization. Many accused him of hate, but such claims stemmed from resentment rather than argument because behind Regulus’s videos always stood ethics, morality, an understanding of social phenomena, as well as immense knowledge and intelligence. He also had his financial independence by holding a high-ranking position in the Black family company.
Officially, nothing connected James Potter and Regulus Black. Privately, however, their closest circles of friends overlapped, and it didn’t take more than a handful of obsessed fans to start searching through their friends’ social media where James and Regulus occasionally appeared. That was enough to unmistakably sniff out the undeniable chemistry between the two, sparking a feverish and meticulous search for proof of their relationship. But for years, there was nothing beyond circumstantial evidence which met with amused indulgence from James and sarcastic replies from Regulus.
When hard proof finally emerged, James and Regulus found themselves facing a reality in which their relationship had suddenly become public.
Regulus’s video confirming the fact gained several million views in just three days and then, to everyone’s surprise, a new video appeared, with a scandalously adorable thumbnail showing two cats: a black one glaring irritably at the camera, and a ginger one lying on top of him, almost smiling, with huge, beautiful green eyes.
And the host of the video was none other than James Potter.
Or rather James Potter-Black.
“Hello, everyone. Ever since Regulus...well, actually, I can now address him properly: my husband, caused a storm in his usual fashion with his last video, I decided you deserve a bit of explanation instead of constant ragebaiting from my beloved,” James laughed, standing in his usual spot against the backdrop of his sage-green, rustic-style kitchen. He wore his signature apron tied over a burgundy sweatshirt as a deliberate choice, as it had been a key, though still circumstantial, piece of evidence of their secret relationship just a few days earlier.
“They deserve prison for that nosiness,” came an irritated voice from off-camera, which made James glance in that direction with undisguised fondness.
“Don’t worry. Regulus is just sulking,” James replied brightly, followed by a familiar snort of disapproval.
“This is going to be my first commentary-style video, but since I can’t just stand here and talk, I decided to take advantage of the fact that this afternoon we’re going to the birthday party of Regulus’s goddaughter and she requested rainbow cupcakes for her unicorn-themed party. So you’ll help me decorate the already baked cupcakes with frosting, and I’ll share… let’s say seven things about me and Regulus, in honor of the seven colors of the rainbow. There won’t be any actual cooking, but let’s be honest - you’re not here for the recipes anyway,” James finished with a wide smile that lit up his face and crinkled the corners of his eyes.
“Wait a minute… you’re going to post this on my channel?” Regulus asked, scandalized, stepping into frame.
“Yes. I mean—you started this chaos…”
“I started it and finished it. For all I care now, they can get nothing. Besides, this will ruin my channel’s aesthetic,” Regulus said sharply, crossing his arms.
James frowned as he spooned yellow cream into a piping bag. “I thought you ran Instagram for vibes and aesthetics.”
Indeed, Regulus had an Instagram account curated in a monochromatic style, dedicated to all kinds of art, architecture, and music he found inspiring or fascinating. Each post was a treasury of knowledge, a monument to his artistic soul, and an outlet for his sense of aesthetics.
“Yes, but my YouTube channel has a strictly defined format, and this doesn’t fit it,” Regulus insisted, tapping his finger against the counter and watching James expectantly. He lingered at the edge of the frame as though ready to leave it as abruptly as he had entered.
“Oh, so my face will ruin your channel’s image. Good to know,” James replied, clearly pouting, his wounded puppy eyes making Regulus fold in less than half a second.
“That’s not it. It’s your cheerfulness that doesn’t fit. That’s not the purpose of this channel!” Regulus exclaimed in an unusually animated and expressive manner that his usual air of nonchalance and disdain had never revealed. “And James Potter-Black,” he said, emphasizing the second part of the name, “is the aesthetic of half my private Instagram and ninety percent of my phone gallery, so don’t try to manipulate me with that falsely innocent and undoubtedly adorable expression,” he added, gesturing toward James’s face, which had already blossomed into a pleased smile, his cheeks flushing. “And that’s fact number one about us,” he concluded firmly, casting a warning glance toward the camera lens, as if sensing the viewers already preparing to complain it wasn’t enough.
“I thought you didn’t want to participate,” James replied, tilting his head adorably and looking at Regulus with affection.
“Actually, I intend to stay here and supervise what you say. No timelines and no details,” Regulus decided in a tone that brooked no argument. “We both know that once you start talking, you never stop.”
“Bold words from someone who exposed our secret,” James shot back with a smirk, deliberately avoiding looking at him as he decorated one of the cupcakes.
“The blame lies on both sides. It was your things that gave us away.”
That was true. The final nail in the coffin of their secret had been a story posted by Regulus in the middle of the night, stating that only a fourth cup of coffee could get him through editing a video to publish the next day. Unfortunately, it revealed a fragment of a very familiar kitchen and an even more recognizable mug covered in beautiful sunflowers, perfectly matching James’s bee-patterned apron.
“Yes, Regulus, what a terrible crime: my mug was politely waiting by the coffee machine to be used for morning coffee,” James replied jokingly.
“It’s a crime that an ordinary mug is that recognizable,” Regulus muttered, shaking his head in indignation.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s unique and there’s no other like it because it’s hand-painted. By you, if I recall correctly,” James added innocently, winking at the camera.
“Beside the point,” Regulus remarked, rolling his eyes, though his lips twitched when James’s quiet giggle rang out like tiny bells in the wind.
“So, moving on. Fun fact number two: Regulus’s wardrobe is made up of 99% black clothing, but you can sometimes see him in colorful clothes. Specifically, mine,” James announced with a dazzling smile. Then he leaned forward slightly with a mischievous expression, placing his hand beside his face to shield his mouth from Regulus’s direction and whispered conspiratorially, “Sometimes I buy some of my hoodies with Regulus in mind and... ow,” James yelped as Regulus jabbed him in the side with a determined expression and a satisfied smirk.
James shot him a wounded look and pouted adorably as he added tiny unicorn ears and a horn made of fondant to a finished cupcake, proudly setting it aside. Regulus tried and failed to hide the soft expression that crossed his face as he watched.
“Anyway,” James continued, strategically shifting slightly away from an irritated Regulus who clearly didn’t like that he was talking again, “that’s exactly why this hoodie” James tugged at the neckline “ended up in the background of one of Regulus’s videos, and Nyx turned it into a nest. It was so funny, because everyone in the comments said Regulus looked so pissed off in that video because someone messed up his order and sent him something that wasn’t black. For the record - that hoodie was there voluntarily and without my knowledge. I’m not allowed into that room because apparently I touch things or leave my belongings everywhere,” he added pointedly, glancing at Regulus with a smug smile as he switched piping bags, this time filling it with pistachio cream in a delicious green shade.
“Fine!” Regulus exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “It’s my fault, I exposed us. In my defense, no sane person would have connected the dots! Only those deranged people could do that. And I deleted that story after just a few minutes, and it’s still circulating online with the intensity of a Dior perfume campaign. Delusional maniacs with no personal lives,” he scoffed, clearly annoyed.
“Oh, come on,” James said, swaying his hips with a sweet smile and bumping them into Regulus’s side. “Nothing can hide the irresistible chemistry between us. They just sensed it.”
“I wonder if they can sense how irritating you are right now,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “I still intend to supervise everything you reveal,” he added, then gracefully hopped onto the kitchen counter and raised an eyebrow challengingly when James glanced at him.
“Wonderful. That’s Nyx’s favorite spot, so you can sit there like him and look pretty while supervising me. Though I hope you’ll be at least a little less judgmental than he is, considering you know nothing about cooking,” James replied cheerfully, arranging rows of green unicorn cupcakes next to the yellow ones.
“And does Nyx know anything about it?”
“Yeah. He knows everything. Inside that small body lives an ancient being full of composure and superiority… Ohhhh” James suddenly perked up and looked straight into the camera with excitement. “Actually, that just gave me another surprising thing I can share with you. Both of our cats originally belonged to Regulus, although Leo came into their lives for me.”
Nyx (a black British Shorthair) and Leo (a golden-white British Longhair) were definitely favorites on Regulus and James’s social media. The proud, aloof black cat with an incredibly piercing gaze and glossy fur perfectly reflected Regulus’s demeanor, while fluffy Leo with his large green eyes and a very cheerful, playful nature matched James’s energy. For obvious reasons, they had also been shown separately until now.
“That’s not true. I wanted a second cat anyway,” Regulus interjected politely.
“But you chose him with me in mind. Stop denying it or I’ll start crying,” James threatened jokingly over his shoulder. “Of course, Leo wasn’t a gift. Animals aren’t things to be given,” he added seriously. “But I was the reason Regulus decided to get another cat sooner… It was at the beginning of our relationship. I was living in a really crappy apartment because it was close to the restaurant where I was doing my internship, and I couldn’t afford anything better. And my landlord strictly forbade pets. As a huge animal lover, I was starved for their companionship…”
“I’m actually surprised you didn’t befriend the rats that lived in the hallway.”
“There were no rats. That was probably Barty lurking around. He used to stalk me back then,” James snorted, drawing a surprised laugh from Regulus and earning an amused, slightly impressed look at his unexpectedly sharp jab.
“So James got really excited when he found out I had a cat, and I internally panicked because Nyx isn’t exactly sociable and the days when he allowed me to pet him for more than ten seconds could be marked on a calendar as a national holiday,” Regulus took over part of the story, then accepted the coffee James had made for him with a small smile. “So I was afraid he’d break James’s heart with his indifference. So I got a second cat: to satisfy myself and make James happy. I managed to choose perfectly, because Leo is very friendly, clingy, and eager to cuddle,” he finished with a shrug, taking a sip of coffee and humming in appreciation.
“He loves everyone, but Regulus is his favorite. I can relate, so that’s something we have in common,” James laughed, stirring a batch of cream in a beautiful lilac color.
“Meanwhile, James is the only person Nyx loves,” Regulus added with a shrug.
“Don’t say that. The two of you have a special bond…” James began, glancing at Regulus with genuine concern.
“James. He tolerates me and barely acknowledges me - mostly when I feed him. An hour before you come home from work, he starts his subtle ritual of slowly moving toward the front door, and when you finally arrive, he circles around you, rubs against your legs, and chirps. Chirps. My cat! I had him for five years before you, and I didn’t even know he could make sounds like that!” Regulus wrinkled his nose indignantly and blew a stray curl off his forehead that had fallen during his animated gestures.
“He’s a very loyal and attentive listener,” James said solemnly, looking straight into the camera. “But our beginnings weren’t that colorful. It took him a whole month before he graciously allowed me to even see him. Winning his affection wasn’t easy. Just like—”
“If you compare me to a cat, I swear to God I’ll stab you,” Regulus hissed, his eyes flashing dangerously.
“You keep comparing me to a golden retriever and using that as a sufficient argument for why we don’t need a dog. And I want a dog,” James pouted adorably, then began fluttering his eyelashes at Regulus, whose frown deepened.
“James, no.”
“Help me. Regulus is mean. He’s mean to me,” James complained to the camera, sniffling dramatically.
“What a shame we’re posting this on my channel. My viewers are perfectly aware that I’m mean. Positively malicious, even,” Regulus replied slyly, a victorious smile appearing on his face.
“But this is a new level! Dogs are wonderful!”
“Nyx and Leo would disagree.”
“I hate when you use them as an argument.”
“And it irritates me that that argument works on you, but my opinion doesn’t.”
“If your opinion is stupid, I don’t care.”
“I spent my entire childhood with Sirius. I don’t need a dog for the rest of my life.”
“That’s because you haven’t found the right one yet. If you—” James tried to continue, and although his attention wandered, he spread the frosting over the cupcakes with remarkable precision, forming neat spirals or arranging clusters of small rosettes resembling flowers.
“Oh! A fun fact about James: to convince me, he learned all dog breeds and now harasses me at completely random moments and in the process discovered a hidden talent for matching every person to a specific breed.”
“That’s not a talent. It’s a gift,” James replied, puffing up with pride.
“You’re so silly,” Regulus sighed.
“And you’re just adorable. Like a Cavalier.”
“Take that back!”
“No.”
“I am definitely a more refined breed than those little yappers,” Regulus protested, jumping down from the counter.
“They are very refined! Queen Victoria would agree!”
“Don’t bring the Queen into this! Just give me a bigger, more intimidating dog. Do I look adorable to you right now?” Regulus hissed venomously, fixing James with a dark scowl.
“No. But like a very angry Cavalier,” James concluded with a small smile.
“James!”
“Alright, fine. You can have a Groenendael like Sirius. Since you’re siblings, it fits,” James conceded.
Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Regulus pulled out his phone and quickly looked up the breed, humming in approval, only for his head to snap up as he fixed James with an angry glare. “I am nothing like Sirius.”
“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” James sighed, shaking his head.
“Oh really? Then if we’re so alike, does it make no difference to you whether you kiss me or him?!”
“Now you’re spiraling into something strange, and I’m not participating.”
“Big words for someone who can ask me if I’d love you as a worm and then sob when I don’t answer!”
“Because it feels like you’d have a cold heart if you didn’t!” James replied in a wounded tone.
“The feeling is mutual when you assume there’s no difference between me and Sirius just because we share DNA,” Regulus scoffed.
“Of course there is—” James started, then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Black Russian Terrier. For Sirius.”
Regulus tapped rapidly on his phone, then smiled triumphantly. “See? That’s clear proof your second choice is always more accurate. This one is big, shaggy, and messy. Perfect for Sirius,” he grinned broadly, clearly deriving genuine joy from criticizing his brother.
“You know he’ll be the first person to watch this video, right? He’ll complain about it for a week.”
“Yeah. But he’ll complain to his best friend, not his vile little brother,” Regulus chuckled. “Next one. Remus.”
“Easy. Irish Wolfhound.”
“That is… weirdly accurate,” Regulus muttered, scrolling through photos, while James smiled proudly. “Evan?”
“Hmmm… I don’t know why, but he reminds me of a Doberman.”
“Wow. That was flattering. You might even earn a smile from him next time.”
“Best day of my life,” James laughed.
“Barty?”
James’s face darkened. “Chinese Crested.”
Regulus suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter and had to grab the counter to steady himself. “Why?” he wheezed, trying to regain control.
“Because I couldn’t pick a raccoon,” James replied with a shrug, his expression stubborn.
“That still… tells me nothing,” Regulus gasped, clutching his stomach.
“He’s a raccoon because he picked his taste buds out of the trash. He said my lasagna was almost as good as the ready-made one he buys at the store!” James was outraged, his whole face turning red, which, given his complexion, made him look like a ripe peach. A very cute one, in Regulus’s opinion, though he had no intention of admitting that out loud.
“Ohh,” Regulus cooed, brushing the back of James’s neck and threading his fingers into his curls. “Poor thing. That is a true insult.”
“Exactly. If he apologizes, I’ll reconsider my choice between an Akita for his stubbornness or a Rottweiler for his potential aggression, but until then, he’s a Chinese Crested. Any objections?”
“None. I think it suits him,” Regulus grinned. “Time for the girls. Lily?”
“Irish Setter.”
“Pandora?”
“Samoyed.”
“Mary?”
“Royal Poodle.”
“Marlene?”
“Australian Shepherd.”
“Dorcas?”
“Pass.”
“What?”
“I refuse to answer. If any of your friends are terrifying, it’s her. And I doubt she’d appreciate being compared to any dog. So I’m not risking it just to entertain you,” James replied, waving a spatula toward Regulus, whose smile hadn’t left his face.
“Fair enough,” Regulus conceded after a moment.
“You were right. I talk too much. We’re only halfway through, and the cupcakes are already done and I haven’t said a single word about them!” James exclaimed, distressed, looking at the colorful cupcakes spread across the counter. “That’s unacceptable. I’ll give each of them a flatter introduction, but first I’ll do it properly and share one more little thing about us,” he said, reaching under the collar of his sweatshirt and pulling out a gold chain with two rings hanging from it. His expression softened into something impossibly gentle and tender. “This is my wedding band and engagement ring. At work, I keep them safely close to my heart,” he confessed, absentmindedly brushing his hand over his chest. “And I used to do that while filming, but I think we’re past that now,” he added cheerfully, carefully sliding both rings onto his ring finger. He extended his hand and wiggled his fingers excitedly as the gold rings glinted in the afternoon sunlight. “The wedding band is specially designed with indentations to fit the engagement ring,” James explained, showing off the beautiful piece that looked like a work of art - golden leaves embracing a lush emerald. Its irregular shape fit perfectly into the grooves of the wedding band, forming a seamless whole James was incredibly proud of, something that seemed to soothe something deep within him. “Regulus wears his during recordings too, but he moves it to a different finger, so no one noticed.”
“Your little spy unit should consider this a failure,” Regulus concluded with a sly smirk, placing his own silver band at his ring finger.
“So, my hands are ready. And here we have a chocolate cupcake with vanilla frosting,” James began enthusiastically, presenting each flavor and color of the cupcakes to the camera. Regulus stood beside him, listening to James’s chatter with a small, fond smile, packing the cupcakes into special containers. Whenever his gaze fell on James, it was filled with admiration and awe, but when he glanced at the camera, his expression twisted into something almost threatening, as if daring anyone to criticize anything James had made.
James, completely unaware, passionately showed off the adorable cupcakes, always presenting them with his left hand—on which the emerald gleamed proudly, a sign of Regulus’s devotion and claim over him.
“I hope this little culinary interlude didn’t bore you too much, because I have my doubts whether my charm and my creations will be appreciated here since you’re clearly fans of my husband’s sharp tongue and dry humor, as well as his remarkable eloquence and erudition. Yes, Regulus taught me those words,” he added proudly with a wink, instinctively leaning closer to him. “But if you tear me apart in the comments, I won’t even know, because Regulus moderates the comments on both our channels. Completely unnecessarily, but...”
“You got a hate comment saying your paella looked awful and probably tasted even worse, and you took it very hard,” Regulus pointed out.
“Oi! I was young and inexperienced, and that was really hurtful and mean,” James pouted sadly.
“That’s exactly why you don’t read the comments before I do. And I reported that comment as terrorism. And it truly was—you cried for three hours,” Regulus replied, and a haunted shadow passed over his face, as if nothing was more distressing to him than a crying James.
“Do I still get comments like that?” James asked cautiously.
“No.”
“Regulus… you’re making that face. You’re ruining someone’s life right now, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” his husband replied curtly.
“Regulus!”
“What?! What kind of person writes a comment like: ‘come over with that recipe and I’ll stuff more than just those pastries’? Fucking pervert,” Regulus spat venomously, full of contempt, making James flinch awkwardly. “So maybe I’m on a little hunt but that’s none of your concern.”
“Right… anyway, Regulus is banned from checking the comments under vegan recipes because he gets so angry I have to physically stop him from posting snarky replies.”
Regulus groaned in irritation. “Don’t remind me. What you eat and watch online is optional. Who the fuck cares that you can’t imagine a meal without meat? Go outside and touch some grass. You should refund your free education because you clearly didn’t use it. You’re just wasting space and oxygen and—” he began spiraling, his familiar commentary persona surfacing. James caught it instantly, grabbed his hand, and quickly pressed a kiss to the back of it.
“I know. They’re jerks. But they’re not worth your energy,” he said with a gentle smile. “One time I didn’t keep an eye on Regulus and he replied something especially vicious as me. Everyone assumed I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And it was funny, because when I once jokingly replied something very sweet as Regulus, people wanted to call an exorcist because apparently he’d been possessed by a suspiciously kind spirit,” James snorted.
“And that’s why I changed the password,” Regulus muttered, displeased, as if being compared to a kind person was a grave insult.
“I know your new password. I know how your brain works,” James replied, lightly poking his temple.
“Alright. The food is ready, we’ve exposed our private lives enough. Thank you for your attention, and don’t expect another video from me this year.”
“Regulus! It’s only March.”
“The crime fits the punishment.”
“Give it two weeks max and someone will piss you off enough to make you film.”
“You’re doing that right now, and I’m ending this video.”
“Wait! One more thing... I promised seven,” James pleaded, making an adorable pout, his big hazel eyes shining.
“Fine. I can finally answer all those people I consistently block in your comments who keep asking when you’ll start posting cooking content on TikTok—preferably those thirst traps,” Regulus said with disgust, stepping closer to the camera like a predator. “The answer: never. James won’t do that, not even for money. Even if he loses his job and popularity, he still has a full-time position as my Trophy Husband, because I’m filthy rich and I take care of what’s mine. Have a great day… hm. Bye now!”
As always, Regulus had to have the last word and this time, it wasn’t stained with sarcasm, but with possessiveness.
The comments exploded the moment the video dropped.
Sirius Black: I’m calling u rn and I’m staring at a pic of a cute Cavalier while I do it…
Jegulus4life: Y’ALL OWE ME AN APOLOGY FOR CALLING ME DELUSIONAL FOR YEARS. I WAS RIGHT!!!
Jenny: this was so cute??? never thought I’d say that under a regulus black vid 😭 they’re so damn adorable
BookLover2481: IRL grumpy x sunshine trope and I’m LOSING IT
LittlePotter: when I grow up I wanna be james potter: amazing at my job + talk abt it w passion AND have a bf who looks at me like regulus looks at him… bro got STARS in his eyes 🤩🤩🤩
JegulusThirdCat: regulus looking at james 🥰 😍 ☺️ ❤️ vs regulus looking at us: 😤👿🔪⛓️
I’m SCARED 💀
StolenHoodie: regulus while james shows cupcakes = ‘my bf wants to show you his cupcakes and BETTER say they’re cool’ energy 😈
S.J.P. : Regulus: no timelines no details
James: at the beginning of our relationship when I was an intern...
↪ Regulus Black: Don’t even start...
SuzeNotSuzie: who’s betting which of regulus’s other 8 rings is THE engagement one 👀 He definitely proposed because this ring SCREAMS ‘property of regulus black’ but make it gold for james ❤️🔥
↪ Regulus Black: Indeed. I designed it myself.
MurderHusband: barty after this vid is either planning murder or lowkey flustered (and regulus WILL end him for it)
Wolfdog: I’m starting a petition: GET JAMES A DOG. REGULUS U CAN’T DENY US ALL 🤺🤺🤺
↪ Regulus Black: Watch me.
Billy: I used to think they were just bad at hiding it but NO they just have INSANE chemistry like HOW did we get so little for YEARS??? 🥵🥵🥵
NyxForPresident: JEGULUS IS REAL I CAN DIE HAPPY TODAY
Blackinnie: been watching this channel religiously for 5+ yrs and NEVER heard regulus laugh. until now. james potter u miracle worker 💖
JamesSecondHusband: If Black Corp ever goes bankrupt James here’s my address I’ll take care of u 😌
↪ Regulus Black: If you ever feel someone following you in a dark alley, be assured - it’s me.
KillerQueen: vegan recipe comments bout to turn into HUNGER GAMES from now
Rachel: Am I the only one still doubted?? James mentioned on his social media that he had someone in his life, but Regulus was openly single, and it's clear he's not happy about this revelation. Don't you think he's ashamed of James? Why was he hiding him?
↪ Regulus Black: That doe-eyed creature with the beautiful smile is not only devastatingly attractive but can also cook AND my cats adore him. Why would I want to share James with anyone, especially with a pack of vultures like you?
PotterBlackSupremacy: Regulus ‘THE husband’ Black is my fav version fr
↪ James Potter: Mine too 🥰