Actions

Work Header

Blood Rituals for Depressed Nerds

Summary:

When Operation Star goes much worse than in canon, Penny finds herself alone and lost.

Unfortunately, the worst option imaginable is here to guide her.

An April Fools crackfic crossover chosen entirely at random!

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

For anyone else, today was an idyllic day.

The sun was high in the sky, and there was nary a cloud in sight, making the shade offered by the trees an alluring spot to lay down under, perhaps even take a nap with the leaves rustling overhead. The Pokemon flitted and fluttered about happily, soaking in the refreshing sunlight or darting between the trees of the Tagtree Thicket in joyous bliss.

And Penny couldn’t bring herself to enjoy any of it. Not the way wild Pokemon naturally flocked to her, nor the serene feeling that permeated throughout the woods. Not with the date being what it is.

The anniversary of Operation Star.

Thanks to that horrible date hanging over her head, all she could focus on was everything that happened a year ago, when her friends fought against those who deemed to oppress them, and instead of being celebrated for standing up for themselves, they were punished.

'It's my fault.' Her brain regurgitated the familiar thoughts she'd heard a million times before. 'I should've never dragged anyone else into it. Because of me… They lost their future. It's all my fault that they got exp-'

"Stop that." Penny chided her brain bitterly for thinking about what happened to her old friends, shaking her head as if physically knocking the thought loose. With the voice dispelled and her mind quieted, she came to a stop and sighed, having finally reached her destination.

The former base of Team Star's Navi Squad.

The area was large and barren, the once worn paths the team had formed from ambling about and moving heavy parts to build their bases and Starmobiles were now starting to return to their natural state, as grass began to grow unimpeded without anyone to tread on it.

"…Soon, there won't even be anything left…" Penny mumbled to herself sadly, rubbing at her eyes as familiar pressure built behind them. "They already took everything else down ages ago, and now… Arceus, why did I even come here?"

'I don't know, probably because you deserve to feel this way.' Her brain helpfully supplied, not content to remain silent.

She bit her tongue, for she had no argument against herself. Instead, she walked forward until she found a comfortable patch of grass and sat down, pulling out her phone. To her dismay, the group chat remained dead. And there weren't any emails either. They had tried for a while, but the bond they had built couldn't withstand the distance between them.

She sadly closed the messaging app, ignoring the small flood of notifications for concerned messages from her dad, and began scrolling through her phone for some form of meagre distraction. And in all of her meaningless swiping, she caught a glance at the social media app she had installed, yet never posted to.

It wasn't meant for posting in the first place.

She had it to look at a page. A single social media page she knew she shouldn't pull open again because of the maelstrom of emotions it brought up every time she dared to venture into it. A page that always hurt to look at.

Against her better judgement, she opened it.

Instantly, her gut began to churn in frustration and rage, her grip on her phone intensifying as she kept scrolling through the all-too familiar posts. And then, she stopped, coming across a photo filled with smiles and a happy caption.

"Friends 'till the end!" It read mockingly.

"…It's not fair." Penny muttered despondently, her knuckles white with the pressure of her grasp. "Why do they get to do this to us, and then just. Move on like nothing happened?" In spite of the bubbling anger in her gut and the shakiness of her voice, she couldn't do much more than mutter and whisper, as if the ability to shout had been striped from her.

It may as well have been. They already took everything else.

With a great amount of restraint, she put her phone away to prevent herself from doom scrolling any further and tucked herself into a ball, resting her chin on her knees.

"I wish I'd never gotten the others involved in all this." She said to herself, familiar regrets weighing on her. "I should've just found some way to do it myself. I… I wish…" She choked on her words, formed by thoughts so toxic they made her nauseous just dwelling on the fact they came from her own mind.

But the thoughts remained all the same.

'I wish I'd done more to those rotten bullies.'

And so, she sat there, stewing in silence.

"…"

"…?"

"Hang on a tick… Why's it so quiet?"

Penny looked around the thicket in confusion, the peaceful ambiance that had been there minutes prior having vanished during her doom scrolling without her noticing. She nervously rose to her feet, unsettled by the unnatural silence.

She quickly made up her mind; She sticking around for a second longer. With that as her motivation, she took a step in the direction of the forest's entrance-

And then she saw it.

A pair of ominous, glowing red eyes, staring at her from the bushes.

Penny froze, a shiver running up her spine at the supernatural gaze. 'No way those eyes are human.' She thought, her feet firmly glued to the floor from fear. 'But if it's a Pokemon, then whatever it is definitely isn't friendly, given every other Pokemon probably dipped because of them. Hnng… What do I do?! Move body, move!' She fruitlessly tried to flee, but her legs refused to obey, rooted in place. And so, she found herself stuck in an impromptu staring contest with the beast in the bushes.

And then two more sets of eyes appeared in the bush.

'I'm dead.' Penny accepted her end immediately with a frightened little squeak, sweat running down her brow as the eyes began to move closer, the beast finally moving out into the light.

What came out of the bushes certainly wasn't a Pokemon. But it wasn't exactly human either.

"Why hello there, corruptible little human~!"
"You're causing us to have a bit of a brain itch, y'know."
"Wanna try a blood ritual?"

Penny blinked owlishly, half-expecting whatever she was seeing to vanish, but no, the strange people in front of her remained. They were all visually and audibly identical, triplets of some kind most likely, but somehow, it was the least strange part about them.

The triage were all wearing the same outfit, a red long-sleeved button-up shirt serving as the only notable colour to their ensembles as the rest of it was black: Black suit vests. Black suit pants. Black gloves. Black ties. Even black cuffs below their shoulders.

But the real part of their shared appearance that caught her attention was less the outfits and more the people themselves: Their sharp teeth. Their piercing red eyes. Their snowy white hair. The strange pair of canine ears on top of their heads. Actual tails.

There was of course, only one answer.

She was out of her bloody mind, hallucinating three weird canine women, and needed to check herself into the nearest mental hospital. With that rationale in mind, she closed her eyes and shook her head, hoping to dispel the sight before her.

Only for the trio to suddenly be way closer than they before, looming over her with excited smiles.

"GAH!" The hacker cried out in surprise. "P-Personal space, you lot! Who the heck even are you?!" She asked, despite the tiny voice in the back of her head reminding her that they couldn't possibly be real.

The three odd dog-women laughed in tandem somehow, identical sounds of amusement echoing as they began to surround her.

"Aww, she still uses heck!" The first one said as she poked Penny's cheek, earning an annoyed 'Nyehh' for her efforts.

"So innocent! But trust us, 'who the hell' is way more accurate." The second one said, moving behind Penny with the third woman flanking her.

"After all… You are dealing with demons now." The third and final one said as she joined the second one in placing a hand on each of the student's shoulders.

Penny gulped. She came out here to brood and feel terrible about herself, and now she had to deal with three strange women who may or may not be real. "Demons? Hell?" She repeated in disbelief. "L-Look, aren't you lot a bit old to be playing pranks like this on a kid…?"

The one in front of her smirked, smugly reaching over and petting the scared girl on the head. "Oh, this is no prank, brain itch," The white haired woman said. "this is a real, once in your lifetime offer!"

"M-My name is Penny…"

Evidently, the woman ignored her, turning and walking back to the bush as the second one slid into view. "The name's Cerberus~" She introduced herself as she and the other woman pushed down on the trapped girl's shoulders, forcing her into a sitting position.

"And do we have an offer for you!" The third one declared cheerily, moving to stand beside 'Cerberus.'

The first one returned, her hands behind her back. "Tell us, brain itch…"

Before revealing what she hid behind her back with gusto: A strange collection of books.

"Do you believe in Satan?"

"…"

"…"

Penny sighed, a bone deep exhaustion threatening to weigh her down just from entertaining these people. "Look, can we just not? Today really isn't the day for alt religious pitches, or stupid pranks…" She grumbled out, her usual fear ebbing thanks to the resentment she felt bubbling in her gut. "Maybe I'm not the one in need of the loony bin…"

Her comment took the trio off guard, causing them to simultaneously tilt their heads to the side as they chattered.

"Does Satan not exist here?"
"Do they just go by a different name?"
"Do you still wanna do a blood ritual?"

The puny pessimist dragged a hand down her face as she felt her remaining patience running thin quickly. "You lot are really dedicated to this bit, huh?" She asked them in turn.

"Well yeah!" The first dog-woman declared proudly as she passed the books off to one of the others. "We are trying to bring about the downfall of humanity here!" She explained, the other two nodding enthusiastically with the books in hand. Like it was a totally normal and completely sane thing to say.

Naturally, she had no clue what was up with these people or their real goals. She doubted they were being serious about the whole 'end of humanity' stick. "And you want… Me."

"Yes, yes, yes! No more questions!" The one Penny thought called herself Cerberus cried as she seemingly ran out of patience herself, her books piled onto the third one as she suddenly latched onto the Galarian's shoulders and started shaking her back and forth. "Now c'mon! We've got some unholy rituals to do, brain itch!"

"Q-Quit calling me that…!" Penny shouted, struggling in an attempt to escape the stranger's grasp as her world shook.

'Cerberus' sighed as the third member of the group stepped up. "Look brain itch, we could just move on to some other corruptible youth and let them read the unholy texts…" She said, flipping a hand dramatically as the first one stepped forward.

"But for some reason, something really makes us wanna make you do it." She finished for her identical partner. "Probably the hellhound in us. Some people are just built like that."

"Surely there's some people out there you want revenge on?" 'Cerberus' chimed in again, obviously trying to fish for something out of her. "We can make that happen! We can totally target anybody in the world!"

Penny was about to make some quiet comment about their sanity again until that moment. She felt her brain screech to a halt, the rebuttal dying on her tongue. It was as if time simply stopped the moment she heard it.

Revenge.

The self-proclaimed demons began to crowd Penny once again, wicked grins growing on their faces as their tails began to wag in excitement from the extended pause.

"Oho~?"
"So there is someone you want revenge on then~?"
"In-ter-es-ting~"

Penny remained silent even as the women converged around her, the thoughts from before swirling again in her mind.

'I wish I'd never gotten the others involved in all this.'

'I wish I'd done more to those rotten bullies.'

Her conflicting desires waged war in her mind, clashing against each other for dominance, her eyes flicking back and forth as if they were physical objects she could reach out and touch. She knew, in her heart, that one was good, and one was undeniably evil. It wasn't a battle of whether one was moral or not. Revenge on a couple of jerks who she'd never see again and shouldn't bother her anyway? It wasn't like the operation at all. There was no room for misunderstandings.

It'd be nothing but revenge for the sake of revenge.

"Wouldn't it be so nice to give them what's coming to them~?" One of the strange dog eared women asked her, her tone equal parts softly beckoning her and as dangerous as a sharpened knife.

"…It would." Penny admitted breathlessly. "Because of them… My friends got expelled. Even though all we wanted was for them to leave us alone…"

"But they didn't, did they?" One of the others followed up with a pout, no doubt pouncing on the opportunity presented to her. Penny was too lost in her head to remember if it was the one who called herself Cerberus or not. They were all bleeding together in her mind, their appearance and voices too similar to be seen as anything but one entity to her.

"They tormented us… And then they ran away. And somehow, we were the bad guys for that." The hurt hacker mumbled, her body racked with shakes thanks to her overwhelming emotions. She didn't know why she was telling them any of this. They didn't need to know.

The words flowed out anyway.

"And then… Then my friends took the fall for me, even though I didn't want them to. I wanted to help them like they helped me…" She continued to ramble uncontrollably, her breath hitching as the unpleasant memories of that day came to her.

She remembered her plan going up in smoke as the members of Team Star caught her just outside of the director's office, dragging her off and locking her away before she could enact her plan of sacrificing herself to protect them.

She remembered what it felt like to hear they had been suspended with a 'strong recommendation to seek alternative learning solutions.' The overwhelming despair in her heart at knowing they'd never walk the halls of the academy ever again.

And she remembered the crushing loneliness that followed their sacrifices. Bonds that frayed and decayed, like a rope pulled too tight to maintain itself, and just like that…

All alone, once again.

"Come on, brain itch~" The final woman asked as she stepped into view, offering one of the books from earlier with a saccharine smile made of teeth like daggers. "We can still help settle things, once and for all… Pay back your friends…"

The other two identical women suddenly joined her sides, their eyes flashing red like a warning signal for a moment as they presented the book with a flourish. A forbidden fruit, right in front of her.

"…And payback for your enemies."

Penny stared at the book blankly for a tentative minute.

She knew in her heart it was wrong. The book was wrong. These people were wrong. And she was wrong to even consider their offer. The dark book would only serve to inflict misery, mire her soul and stop her from shining like the bright stars she admired ever again.

She shouldn't touch the book. Shouldn't even let her eyes wander over the cover. She should get up, turn around and leave before it was too late-

She took it.

The triage of sharply dressed women instantly took off, running around in circles as they cheered and whooped loudly.

"Yes! Finally!"
"The downfall of humanity draws near!"
"It might not be our humanity, but it's a start!"

Penny let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, running a thumb along the title of the book given to her. "Blood Rituals: The Beginner's Guide to Unholy Revenge and Cool Tricks." She read the title out loud before turning to the others, who were still in the process of running about. "Uhm, Cerberus? Whichever one you are? H-How does this work exactly?"

In an instant, the overly enthusiastic group came to a halt, turning their attention back to the confused newbie.

"Oh right, we never explained ourself!" Said the one in the middle, their companions smiling and giggling. "You see dear brain itch-"

"Again, Penny."

"-A demon can have many bodies…" Another one chimed in, leaning in close as she opened the book in Penny's hands, flicking through it as they talked.

"…But at the end of the day, it's still a single demon." The third picked up the sentence from there, ending the explanation.

Penny blinked in disbelief. "Wait, seriously? So," She rubbed her temple as she spoke, already regretting taking their offer yet verbalising no retraction. "You lot are all Cerberus? You're just… One demon?" She asked for clarification.

"Yup! That's right!" Cerberus replied from her centre body, taking the book from Penny's hands and setting it on the floor in front of them.

"…Right," The hacker sighed. This demon stuff was already making her head hurt. "Okay, clearly I should just… Throw away any preconceived ideas of anything making sense in this bloody situation."

"Yup!"
"Probably for the best!"
"Clear the head so we can fill it with new, dark knowledge!"

'…Man, I've seriously lost my mind doing this. I mean, blood rituals?' Penny thought as Cerberus argued with herself. 'Wait, is this more like arguing with herself, or thinking out loud for them? Gah, whatever, I'll just ask-'

"Hey, uhm, C-Cerberus?" She piped up, shivering as a chill ran down her spine from the way all three bodies instantly whipped their heads around to look at her in unison, her previous query forgotten and forcing her to come up with a new question on the spot. "Wh-what ritual are we doing exactly?"

"Why, a ritual to inflict a plague of insects upon them, of course!" The left body replied proudly, leaning against the centre body with a proud smile and her eyes shut.
"This world has so many strange, but powerful creatures," The centre body said.
"So bringing a plague down on their heads is the perfect ritual to perform!" Cerberus finished her sentence with the right-most body.

"A plague… That probably means they'll get jumped by Bug-type Pokemon." Penny reasoned to herself, shutting her eyes as she turned the idea around in her head. "This is a bit extreme though, innit?"

Cerberus waved her hands dismissively. "Pff, yeah right!" The centre body said with a laugh.
"Extreme she says," The left body chipped in. "As if they cared about what was and wasn't extreme?"
And of course, the right body finished the sentence. "This sounds like a perfectly fair punishment if you ask us!"

Penny sat there wordlessly, considering their words seriously. They were right: Fair hadn't been on any of the bully's minds. "You're not wrong," She acquiesced after some deliberation. "They certainly didn't care. So… Let's do it!" She suddenly shouted, attempting to pump herself up.

"Yeah!"
"That's the way!"
"Revenge! WOO!"

Despite the misgivings she felt, Penny felt a small smile being to grow on her face at the demon's antics. 'I know I shouldn't… But I'm actually starting to enjoy this. Maybe it's thanks to their energy about the whole thing.' She thought to herself as she grabbed the book, scanning the page curiously as Cerberus stood up and started preparing for the upcoming ritual. "For seven days, the victim will be relentlessly pursued by insects, who's hearts will swell with endless rage on sight of the target." She read the passage, nodding seriously. "Mood…"

Curiosity gripped her as she flipped the page, scanning the next entry of the book. "Wait, what?" She exclaimed, readjusting her glasses in an effort to ensure she wasn't misreading the page, but nothing changed; The words remained the same. "Oi, Cerberus- Woah blimey that was fast!"

In the time it took her to read the pages, Cerberus had been hard at work, the triple-bodied demon setting up the ritual at an astonishing pace. Strange symbols were drawn into the dirt, a series of candles lit and placed around the ritual circle.

"Well of course!" Cerberus replied, seeming proud of themselves for their hard work. "We've been waiting for a long time for this!"
"Judgement and the Taker make it sooo hard to do anything fun." Another body complained, leaning against another body. Herself? Ugh, this is confusing.
"Not to mention the police! No fun allowed!" Cerberus concluded.

Penny couldn't help but snort. This woman- No, this demon, seemed oddly ditzy. Endearingly so.

But she didn't dare consider her stupid. Not with her blatant manipulations from earlier.

With a shake of her head, she flipped back to the previous page. "Right, okay… So the ritual circle is set up, the candles are lit…" She noted each step carefully as the demon went around lighting the candles, the glow faint as clouds that previously hadn't been there drifted overhead and blotted out the sun. "Next is… The blood." She finished with a gulp. She knew blood was needed, given it was a blood ritual and all, but…

"Oh, we've got most of that covered!" Cerberus declared happily, producing a large bag of blood with a smile.

"…Where did you get tha-"

"Don't ask questions you're not prepared to handle the answers to, brain itch."

With her complaints silenced, Penny watched tight lipped as Cerberus methodically poured the blood into the outer ring of the circle, the metallic smell assaulting her senses. While one body poured, the other two clasped their hands together and got on their knees, their tails wagging in excitement. In time, the circle was mostly filled… All except the middle.

The star-like shape felt like it was taunting her.

"And now, comes the final step." Cerberus declared ominously, grabbing Penny by the hand and leading her to the the middle of the circle. "Don't step on the blood now!"

"R-Right." She obeyed the dog demon as she stepped into the circle. "Now?"

"Now…" The white haired woman grinned as she reached into her suit…

And produced an ornate knife.

Penny gulped, sweat dripping down her brow like a furious waterfall. A part of her mind began to scream at her for getting them into this mess, that they were about to die, that the demonic lady in front of them was about to insert that knife into her stomach and spill her guts on the floor.

But that didn't happen. Instead, Cerberus flipped the knife and held the handle out to her.

"Take it." She instructed with all three voices at once, a haunting echo that sent shivers down the hacker's spine. Penny obeyed, and a pleased smile spread on all three faces. "We're almost there… We just need to add a lil' bit of your blood, is all!"

"My blood…?" She repeated, her chest heaving as she desperately tried to remind herself to keep breathing. "Why my blood? D-Don't you have plenty already?"

"Don't be silly, child~" Cerberus chided her like an ignorant kid.
"You're the one who needs to specify the target." She chimed in from a different body.
"So of course it has to be your blood!" She finished cheerily.

"Right." Penny acquiesced with a sigh. "That- Of course." She continued to speak inanely, staring at her reflection in the knife as she gulped, the blade shaking in her hand. "Where should I-?"

"Oh, the hand's fine!" Cerberus said as she suddenly leaned across and began to position Penny's hands, moving one hand so it rested with the palm facing inwards, while the other hand with the knife was poised to cut into flesh. "We just need a lil'!"

She nodded, pressing the tip of the blade against her skin. Whereas before she had been shaking like a leaf, now her body felt deathly still. For all she had endured, her body was relatively unharmed. Sure there'd been a few bumps and bruises, and there was a small scar on her shoulder from a particularly mean spirited 'prank' but… But nobody had ever gone so far as to do anything on this level.

She hadn't even done it to herself, no matter how often her mind wandered towards such worrying thoughts.

She could still back out. Drop the knife and run away, hope that Cerberus didn't bother chasing her and started hunting someone else to do this. Heck, she could even use her Pokemon to try and subdue the demon and stop whatever ritual she decided to do after. That was the right thing to do, after all.

"C'mon, brain itch…"
"Remember who you're doing this for."
"Remember who you're doing it to."

Their voices grated on her ears and dug up memories of the past. Of laughter and sneering. Of long nights spent planning. Of friendly voices over the phone. Of loud music and fancy cars.

It made her think of the stars.

Her gaze flickered to the star before her.

And before she knew what was happening, there was red hot searing pain along her palm.

She hissed, dropping the knife into the dirt as she gripped her arm, willing the limb to stop shaking.

She did everything she could to not think about the liquid running down her hand.

"It's working…!" An excitable trio of voices spoke at once.

She opened her eyes, staring down at the star as it filled with the essence of her life.

Reluctantly, she squeezed her hand, working through the pain as she willed more of it out of her system, to finish the ritual and see things through.

And to her astonishment… The circle began to glow.

She stood stock still in amazement as the ritual circle began to shine with supernatural light, spreading along the ring and remaining bright despite the fact it was the middle of the day. It was as if someone suddenly replaced the blood with an LED and drew the curtains on the world.

Distantly, she could hear Cerberus chanting from all three of her bodies, their words in a strange tongue she never heard before. The glow intensified.

She thought of her bullies. Her targets. Her soon-to-be victims.

She thought of her revenge.

Her vision was taken from her with a bright flash of light.


To say Judgement was angry was an understatement.

Being the High Prosecutor of Hell was no easy task. In fact, it wouldn't be unreasonable to call it extremely stressful. The demon with the role had very little free time to themselves, given they were in charge of the sin machine, as well as guarding the gates of Hell from escapees or, on the rare occasion, someone foolish enough to enter Hell.

Not to mention wrangling the others. It wasn't officially apart of the job, but she was still expected to do it.

However, Judgement's days since the arrival of the man they called 'The Helltaker' had changed dramatically.

This was not always for the better.

Sure, she didn't have to suffer in the blisteringly hot fiery pits of Hell for the whole day anymore, and Helltaker's pancakes were, without question, one of the best things she'd ever tasted since her days among her fellow angels. And, well.

The man's company wasn't unpleasant either.

But it also gave her one of the worst jobs in the world: Helping the fool with his harem of demons. And most troublesome of them all was Cerberus. Lucifer's hellhound was a nightmare for the human realm, the damned being sewing chaos and discord wherever she went.

Speaking of, that was the problem right now.

Nobody had any idea where any of the three bodies went.

She had thought there wouldn't be anything wrong with joining the Helltaker for a grocery run, but nope. Malina, who was supposed to watch them, was passed out drunk on the sofa (And promptly chained to it as punishment) and had no idea where they were, just that the trio had been doing some sort of ritual near Beelzebub's tear in reality.

She didn't know why the Helltaker was so comfortable allowing The Great Fly to have a window in their living room, but at least she couldn't step out of it. Unfortunately, they got their answer not on where Cerberus was, but rather, where she'd gone. Through a different tear in reality, just mere feet from the Warden of Decay's window. She waved to them with an aggravating smirk on her face.

"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM, THEY'RE STAYING ON THE PUNISHMENT SOFA FOR FIFTEEN THOUSAND YEARS!"

The only thing that stopped her from rushing right in had been The Helltaker's calm rationale and steady hand on her shoulder, the man convincing her to wait while he fetched Lucifer, saying something about how the dog demon would listen to the CEO's orders to return home. She wasn't happy about it, but if there was one thing he was good at, it was convincing demons to go along with what he said. And so, five minutes later, a group consisting of The Helltaker, Lucifer and Judgement entered the tear.

The world was familiar to their own, but different. There were birds, but none of the ones they knew. There were dogs, but they were different. There were animals… But they weren't really. They were different, more powerful… And some of them looked really soft to the touch.

Lucifer had seemed intrigued by the one they called a "Houndoom."

But they weren't here to go sightseeing; They had to find Cerberus, before she could doom this world to destruction.

Mercifully, someone had in fact seen the dog demon heading into a nearby forest called "The Tagtree Thicket" not far from the tear. And so with a brief goodbye (And ignoring the stares, she always drew stares with her confounded uniform) they headed northwest in search of the hellhound.

Which brings us to now. And why angry was an understatement.

SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS.

Because sitting in the middle of the thicket, on a dirt path, was the trio of hellhounds.

And a girl.

Reading one of their books.

With a bandaged and bloodied hand.

"CERBEERRRUUUUUSSS!" She let loose a war cry as she rushed forward, her demonic chains already beginning to form as she called upon her power. The dog demon squeaked in surprise at the cry while the girl clutched the book protectively to her chest, moments before Cerberus hoisted her onto her shoulders and ran.

"Keep reading the book, Penny!"
"Drink deep of the dark knowledge!"
"THERE'S SOME REALLY COOL ONES IN THERE!"

"Oh so now you know my name?!" The girl, evidently called Penny, screeched back as she flipped through the book at breakneck speed, as if she could somehow remember the rituals inside in half a second.

"Well we're ritual buddies now-!"

That was as far as they got before Judgement's chains ensnared them, the trio of demons suddenly finding their arms locked at their sides while Penny went sailing through the air, landing on the ground with a harsh thud.

Judgement paid the human little mind as she combined Cerberus' chains into a single meeting point, grasping the chain and tugging at it despite their whimpers and protests. "JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" She screamed at the dog demon, leaning in close enough that she could see the sweat drip down from Cerberus' foreheads. Good.

"Doing what we do best!"
"We are demons, after all!"
"It was just a teeny tiny little ritual! Not even anything world ending!"

She growled in response to the trio's excuse-filled rambling, once again tugging on their chain. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!"

"They obviously mean this ritual."

Lucifer's authoritative voice cut through the rage in Judgement's mind, directing everyone's focus towards something etched in the ground and coated in what appeared to be dried blood. The fallen angel felt her stomach drop; She knew what it was. Her head snapped in the direction of the human.

The Helltaker, having ignored the argument between demons, had already made his way over to the one they called Penny, and was currently collecting the books as they lay in a heap around her. The short girl grumbled and rubbed her head as she forced herself to a sitting position, only to freeze upon seeing the absolute mountain of a man who braved Hell.

You know the old saying about eyes being the window to the soul? For Judgement, nothing could be truer. She alone could see an individual's soul and what awaited them in the afterlife through their eyes.

And what she saw was mired in the filthy stains of a blood ritual someone willingly took part in.

"Hm, it certainly speaks to your usual work, Cerberus." Lucifer muttered out loud as she inspected the ritual circle with a discerning eye, before training that gaze onto Penny. "I'm quite surprised to see you find a mortal willing to participate, however. Tell me…" She trailed off into a wicked grin, one Judgement recalled seeing the very first time they met after her fall from the heavens. "What malice and contempt do you hold towards your fellow man to partake in an insect plague ritual?" She all but purred out her question, clearly curious and pleased about the circumstances.

Judgement saw red. The child may be corrupted, but she refused to let the CEO of Hell have her way so easily. "SILENCE, SNAKE!' She cried with an accusing finger, almost unleashing her chains against her boss. She ignored Lucifer's offended sputtering as she continued. "HER SOUL IS NOT OURS YET TO CLAIM! YOU!" She turned her attention towards Penny, who squeaked at the sudden scream. "ABSTAIN FROM THIS SINFUL LIFESTYLE, LEST YOU WIND UP AS FUEL FOR THE SIN MACHINE!"

"…What?" The girl with the fluffy backpack uttered in confusion.

"She means no more rituals, or you'll go to Hell." The Helltaker thankfully translated for her as he swiped the last book. "Got it all. Let's get back home."

'YOU HEARD HIM, GET MOVING!" Judgement echoed the man's orders before harshly tugging on the chains and dragging Cerberus with her, preparing herself for their inevitable whining and complaining about the downfall of humanity.

But it never came. Instead, what she got was:

"Buh-bye Penny!"
"Good luck with your revenge!"
"We'll keep in touch!"

"Tch, save your breath!" She snapped at the trio as she pulled them along, a group of prisoners bound for the punishment sofa in due time. "We'll be sealing the tear once we get home, and then, that child can go on with her life without you corrupting her!" She said hopefully.

But Cerberus smiled a half-lidded smile, an expression that sung of untold secrets between her and the human. "We'll see, Judgey~" She replied sinisterly, her tails wagging. "The downfall of humanity may be more due than y'think~"

Judgement didn't like that smile one little bit. And as she turned to look back… She didn't like how the kid looked at them all either.

She hoped to whoever was listening that she'd stay on the straight and narrow.


Although the whole blood ritual had been interesting, Penny's true love for all of time would probably always be technology, she was sure. True, she couldn't unleash a plague of violent, angry Bug-type Pokemon on anyone with it…

But she sure could watch it happen live.

It had been a stroke of luck that one of her bullies had been streaming themselves taking a little nature walk when they were suddenly onset by a furious, aggressive Scolipede of incredible size. People in the comments were even discussing that it might be an alpha Scolipede like the Pokemon from the history books.

She couldn't verify those claims. But it was a nice thought anyway.

Part of her felt sick, watching someone run in fear and laughing at them as they did. But another, louder part spoke over that timid voice about how much they had it coming, how they ran away from consequences last time and look what happened. This time, there wouldn't be any escape from being punished for their actions.

If said consequences came in form of a rampaging Scolipede, then so be it.

Watching her ritual's effects in real time wasn't the only use it had… Though it was the funniest. No, the other uses it had were a bit more practical. Like studying the book Cerberus showed her. Sure, the absolute unit of a man who showed up with the other two demons had confiscated the physical books, but he never thought to check her phone, and thus, had no idea about her digital copies, the dozens of pages she managed to photograph before their arrival.

And finally… It helped her patch herself up with first aid. She couldn't very well go to the school nurse with two identical cuts, one on each hand.

Also, Cerberus' instructions were less than useless.

"Oh, look at 'em run!"
"The insect plague was totally the right call!"
"Just think what'll happen when we try the one that infests their homes with rats!"

Oh well. Penny found she didn't mind so much. At least they were kinda fun to be around.

Even if it was through a window to another world, it was nice to have the company again.

Notes:

Soooo why does this fic exist?

For shits and giggles, I thought it'd be fun to write a crackfic for April Fools by taking a whole bunch of fandoms, games and assorted things, shove them onto a wheel, and whichever one it landed on would be the series Penny would crossover with! No matter what it landed on, I had to come up with a fic for it. This story was almost a Sam & Max crossover. But the wheel dictated Helltaker, and so, I thought it'd be fun to push the concept as far as it could go.

A fusion fic with Penny getting a bunch of demons or being a demon was considered, but after checking Ao3's tag for Helltaker, I was kinda disappointed at how few fics really played with the fact that they're all DEMONS. Y'know, beings of eternal sin and wickedness? So, I decided I wanted to play with that concept by grabbing Cerberus and, inspired by that one comic, really push her as a blatantly negative influence on a Penny that's doing way worse than her canon counterpart. Make no mistake, even though Penny and Cerberus are "friends" by the end of the story, Cerberus is NOT a good person. She is actively taking advantage of Penny's grief, and she's even aware of that fact. She just doesn't care. She wants revenge.

Also Cerberus is not immune to Penny being Pokemon catnip, though obviously this is a bad thing for Penny here.

But yeah! Happy April Fools! This was a fun step outside of the comfort zone. Hope you enjoyed Penny's little corruption arc over this short fic, and who knows? If the reception is good enough, we might get to see how far she falls...