Chapter Text
Ah summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, and taking her easy…. Unless your me.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” CRASH! The golf cart crashed through the sign as we screamed. Behind us, a roar could be heard as I swerved the cart around some trees. Behind us came the sound of thundering footsteps as the thing chasing us barrelled after us.
“It’s gaining on us!” My brother yelled as it picked up a tree and hurled it in our path. I swerved the cart again to avoid it. But I should back up a bit. My name is Stanford. The Boy next to me about to puke is my brother Stanley. You might be wondering why we’re in a golf cart driving away from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there’s a perfectly logical explanation.
Our parents decided the two of us needed some fresh air, so they shipped us off to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls Oregon to stay in our Great-aunt’s place in the woods. My brother and I set up in the attic of the shack. By the time I got up there, he was already making himself at home by hanging up posters of the various popstars he liked. “Hey Sixer, check out all my splinters!” he exclaimed, showing me a disturbing amount of them.
I looked around our room for the next few months when I heard an “Oink!” from behind me. “And there’s a pig on my bed,” I said.
“Oh, that’s Waddles,” said Stanley from his own bed. “Apparently Grauntie Mabel keeps him as a pet.” He walks over to the pig. “Hello there Waddles!” he said. At this, Waddles bit on his t-shirt and began nibbling on it. “Oh, yes you can keep chewing on my shirt!” Stanley said, before laughing.
My brother tended to look on the brighter side of things. “Yay! Grass!” I could hear him yell as he rolled down the hill nearby to the shack. But I was struggling to get used to our new surroundings. As I sat leaning against a tree doing a few doodles, a woodpecker landed on my head and began tapping it.
Suddenly a disturbing mask appeared in my face, accompanied by a loud “Boo!” I screamed and leapt backwards, falling over into the grass. And then there was our grauntie Mabel, the woman pulling off said mask and laughing so hard she nearly choked. Our grauntie Mabel had converted her house into a tourist trap she called “The Mystery Shack.” The real mystery is why anyone came, as all of the ‘attractions’ were clearly just regular things that she stitched together with glue and sewing threads. “Ladies and gentlemen behold!” she announced, giving a tour to a bunch of, well tourists. “I give you, the Sascrotch!” Said Sascrotch was actually a large statue of a big ape with a pair of underpants put onto it. But these shmucks still went crazy over it. But, guess who had to work there. That’s right, us. It looked like it was going to be the same boring routine all summer. Until one fateful day.
I found my brother staring from behind a shelf of bobbleheads at a girl reading a note that he had no doubt taped to the globe. “She’s looking at it,” he muttered to himself excitedly.
“Do you like me?” the girl read. “Yes. Definitely. Absolutely?”
“Heh, I rigged it,” Stanley said, treating himself like a genius.
I just rolled my eyes. “Stanley, I know you’re going through your whole girl crazy phase, but I think you’re overdoing it on the crazy part,” I told him as I washed a jar of comically large eyeballs.
“What!?” Stanley replied in an exaggerated tone, before blowing a raspberry. “Come on Sixer, this is our first summer away from home! This is my chance to have my epic summer romance!”
“Yeah but do you have to flirt with every girl you meet?” I asked.
At this, I looked back on some of his more... memorable examples. There was the time he sidled up to some girl checking out a stand of postcards and said, “I’m Stanley, but you can call me, ‘the guy of your dreams’! I’m joking!” Before playfully shoving her into said stand of postcards. Then there was the time he spotted some other girl holding a turtle and immediately declared that he loved turtles too, so there must be a connection between the two of them. Finally, there was the time he asked a poor mattress saleswoman maybe 2 years older than us to “Take me with you,” and scaring her so badly she tripped on one of the nearby mattresses and probably broke her tooth.
“Mock all you want brother,” said Stanley, wagging his finger. “But I have a good feeling about this summer. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the woman of my dreams walked through that door right now.” Just then, as if some god with the greatest sense of humour was listening, our grauntie Mabel walked through, with food on her face, glitter covering her clothes, and struggling with what must’ve been a painful burp. “Aww why?” Stanley complained as I laughed my head off.
Once she managed to let the belch out, grauntie Mabel approached us. “Alright, alright, listen up!” she announced. “I need one of you to go and hang these signs out in the spooky part of the forest!”
“Not it!” Stanley and I shouted at the same time.
“Also not it!” said the shack’s handywoman Val.
“Nobody asked you Val,” Mabel replied.
“I know,” said Val. “And I am comfortable with that.” Then, she took a bite out of a chocolate bar. I have no idea where she got it from.
Grauntie Mabel then turned to the only other employee here at the shack, a teenager called Dan. Some people around town call him ‘Boyish Dan,’ because of how boyish his face looked, despite being 16. “Dan!” she called. “I need you to go and hang out these signs!”
“Oh I would,” said Dan, not looking up from his magazine. “But, ugh, I can’t, ugh, reach it, ugh!” He made not even a half-assed attempt to reach for it, not even bothering to look up from his magazine.
“I’d fire all of you if I could,” Mabel said, before turning to Stanley and me. “Alright, let’s make it, eenie meany miney… you.” She pointed at me.
“Aw what!?” I complained. “Grauntie Mabel, every time I’m in those woods, I always feel like I’m being watched.”
“Ugh, this again,” grauntie Mabel complained, rubbing her eyes under her glasses.
“I’m telling you, something weird is going on in this town!” I said, before rolling up the sleeve of my jacket. “Just last week my mosquito bites spelt out BEWARE!” I showed her my arm.
She looked at it closely. “That says BEWARB,” she replied. I looked at it, and saw that she had a point. Blushing slightly, I lowered my sleeve again, scratching my arm a bit as I did. “Look kid, the whole ‘monsters in the woods,’ thing is just local legend,” Mabel went on, making quotation marks with her fingers at the words ‘Monsters of the woods’. “Made up by people like me, to scam money out of guys like that.” She pointed to a fat, sweaty man who was laughing at a bobble head of her. “So quit being so paranoid!” she said as she threw the signs, hammer, and nails into my hands. I sighed, then went out to hang out the signs.
It was kind of windy as I wandered through the woods, feeling annoyed as I hung the signs out. “Ugh, Grauntie Mabel,” I complained as I did. “No one ever believes anything I say.” I finished hanging out one sign, then moved on to the next tree. I held the nail up to the tree and went to knock it in with the hammer. But, instead of being imbedded inside the tree like all of the others, I heard the clanging of metal. “Huh?” I wondered aloud. I banged the hammer against the tree again, pressing my ear to the side of it. Definitely a metallic sound. “What the?” I dropped everything and felt around the spot where I tried to hammer the nail in. My fingers came across a groove in the tree, and I pulled at it.
To my immense surprise, the side of the tree opened, revealing some sort of old mechanical device. Curious, I played with it a bit. Nothing happened when I flicked the first switch, so I messed with the second one. Suddenly, I heard a squeal of fright, as Waddles the pig scampered away from the place. Where he stood, a hatch opened in the grass. I stepped over to it, and to my surprise, I found a blue book inside of it. I pulled it out and blew on it. On the front cover was the emblem of the Big Dipper, in the centre of a pine tree, with the number 3 near the top of the tree. I placed the book on the ground, and opened it on the first page. It had “Property of…” written on it, but the name was gone. Now I was really curious. So I turned the page, and began to read.
“It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began to study the strange and wonderous secrets of Gravity Falls Oregon.” Curious, I began to flip through the pages. I found all of these weird scribblings, both pictures and words, of all of these strange things. “What is all this?” I wondered aloud. Eventually, I reached the final page of writing in this book. “Unfortunately, my suspicions have all been confirmed,” I read aloud. “I’m being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust. TRUST NO ONE.”
“No one you can trust,” I repeated, closing the book.
“HELLO!” came the voice of Stanley from behind me, causing me to yell with fright and nearly drop the journal. I turned around to face my brother, hiding the book behind my back. “What’ya reading there?” he asked me, leaning over to get a better look. “Some kind of nerd thing?”
“Uh, uh, it’s nothing!” I stammered.
Stanley laughed at this. “Uh, uh, it’s nothing!” he mimicked. “What are really not going to show me?”
I looked around a bit more, and saw Waddles trying to chew on the book. “Uh, let’s go somewhere private,” I said.
We returned to the shack and Stanley sat on the arm of the couch while I paced around the room. “It’s amazing!” I exclaimed as I did. “Grauntie Mabel said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side.” I showed him the page I was reading.
“Whoa! Shut up!” Stanley exclaimed, giving me a playful shove.
“And get this!” I went on, glad to see he was just as invested as I was. “After a certain point, the pages just stop! Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!” My ramblings were interrupted just then by the doorbell. “Who’s that?” I asked.
Stanley grinned at me at this. “Welp, time to spill the beans!” he said, before knocking over a can of beans that was next to us. “Hehe, beans,” he chuckled, before pointing at himself. “This guy got himself a date! Woo, woo!” Then he fell back onto the couch, laughing to himself.
I stared at him. “Let me get this straight,” I said, trying to wrap my head around this. “In the half an hour I was gone, you already managed to find yourself a girlfriend?!”
Stanley sat back up at this. “What can I say,” he said, shrugging. “I guess I’m just irresistible!” At the word ‘irresistible’, he motioned down his own body in a sly way, before shooting me a smirk. I rolled my eyes. The doorbell went again, and Stanley shot up from the couch. “Oh, coming!” he exclaimed, before running to the door. I watched him go with a bit of bewilderment, before sitting down on the couch and reading through the journal some more.
I was interrupted just then by the arrival of my grauntie Mabel. “What’ya reading there?” she asked me.
I panicked and hid the journal. “Oh, uh,” I said, quickly, before grabbing the magazine sitting on the coffee table. “Just catching up on the latest issue of…” It was only then that I actually read the title of the damn thing. “Knitted Sweaters for Elderly Women and Their Pets?”
“That’s a good issue,” she said in agreement, leaning against the chair with a soft drink in her hands.
Thankfully, my embarrassment was spared by the sound of Stanley calling us. “Hey family!” he called, stepping into the doorway again. He was standing next to someone a bit taller than him wearing a black coat. “Say hello to my new girlfriend!” he exclaimed. At that, the girl turned around.
She was pale, with long brown hair that was mostly kept in her hood. There was a suspicious stain on her cheek. “Sup,” she said. Her voice was kind of croaky.
“Hey,” I said.
“How’s it hanging,” said Mabel.
“We met at the cemetery,” Stanley explained. “She’s really deep.” He rubbed her arm at this, before giving it a squeeze. “Ooh, little muscle there. What a – what a surprise.”
“So, what’s your name?” I asked the girl. I was starting to get a bad feeling about her.
“Uh… Normal… Woman,” she said, really strangely.
“She means Norma,” Stanley added, giving her a slap on the back.
I saw the stain on her face again. That thing was really bothering me. “Uh, are you bleeding Norma?” I asked.
She looked at the stain on her face, before replying. “It’s jam!”
Stanley gasped. Oh, I love jam!” he exclaimed, slapping her again in a friendly way. “Look at this!” he indicated between the 2 of them, smiling as he did.
Norma looked at Stanley. “So… you wanna go hold hands. Or… whatever?”
“Oh,” said Stanley with a hint of excitement. “Well Hot Belgian Waffles!” he chuckled at that, before looking at us again. “Don’t wait up!” he said, before heading out the door. Norma gave me a finger gun, before following after him, crashing into things as they went. As I watched them go, I heard more crashing and banging getting fainter as they left the house. Grauntie Mabel sat down on the couch and started reading Knitted Sweaters for Elderly Women and Their Pets.
There was something about Norma that wasn’t right. So, I decided to consult the journal. I sat in the attic of the building, and flipped through the pages. Eventually, I came across one that seemed relevant to Norma. “Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes,” I read aloud, “these creatures are often mistaken for…” I gasped. “Teenagers!? Beware Gravity Falls’s nefarious…” I gasped again as I looked at the drawing before me. As I did, I saw Norma in the exact same pose. It fit her like a glove. “ZOMBIE!!” I shouted.
Mabel was in the bathroom, reapplying her makeup in the mirror when Stanford shouted. She pricked up her ears. “Did somebody say cromby?” she asked. “What is that? Cromby? That’s not even a word. You’re losing your mind!” With that, she went back out to the shop to greet more tourists.
After I was done screaming, I heard grunting outside. I spun around and stared through the window that looked a lot like a triangle. Outside, Stanley was sitting on a picnic table, smiling at Norma as she struggled over to him. “I like you,” he said to her.
“Oh no, Stanley!” I exclaimed. Norma continued to walk slowly towards him, arms outstretched. “No! No! Stanley watch out!” I shouted, despite knowing he couldn’t hear me. Norma reached him and grabbed onto his neck. For a moment I panicked, thinking she was going to start choking him. But then she moved back, and it turned out she was putting a makeshift necklace of daisies around his neck.
“Daisies?” he asked, before smiling at her. “Oh wow, you flirt!”
I sighed with relief, then hopped off the couch I was sitting on. “Is my brother really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?” I asked myself as I did.
“It’s a dilemma for sure,” came a reply from the voice of Val. I jumped in fright as she was suddenly in the attic with me, changing a lightbulb. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room,” she told me.
“Val you’ve seen Stanley’s girlfriend,” I said. “She’s gotta be a zombie right?”
Val thought about this as she worked on the lightbulb. “Hmm,” she said finally. “How many brains did you see this girl eat?”
“Zero,” I said, feeling a bit deflated.
“Look dude, I believe you,” Val told me, raising my spirits. “I’m always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like that mailman? Pretty sure that dude’s a werewolf.” I did know the man she was talking about. He was certainly hairy. “But you’ve gotta have evidence,” she went on. “Otherwise people are going to think you’re a major league cuckoo clock!”
I sighed, realising she had a point. “As always Val, you’re right.”
“My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse,” she replied.
As if on cue, Grauntie Mabel’s voice sailed up from below. “Val! The portable toilets are clogged again!”
“I am needed elsewhere,” she said, before adjusting her hat and leaving me alone in the attic once more. I closed the book, feeling determined. My brother could be in trouble. It was time to get some evidence.
I spent a good chunk of the day tailing the 2 with a camera, recording everything they did. I felt a bit like a major creep, and absolutely looked like one. But, this was for the good of my brother. I had to make sure that he wasn’t in any trouble. I watched as they did things like kick a can, or run around a cemetery. I found evidence that Norma was strange, but nothing concrete about being a zombie. But, I’d seen enough.
Back at the Mystery Shack, I barged into our room as Stanley was applying gel to his hair. “Stanley, we’ve gotta talk about Norma!” I said.
Stanley turned to me and beamed. “Isn’t she the best?” he asked happily. “Check out this giant hickey she gave me!” before he showed me a massive bruise on his cheek. I yelped with fright, which made him laugh. “Ha! Gullible. It was actually an accident with the leaf blower.” He then told me about how he attached a picture of Norma to it as a bit of “kissing practice,” but ended up with it stuck on his face. “It was fun!” he said.
“No, Stanley listen!” I said, facepalming as I did. “I’m trying to tell you that Norma is not what she seems!” As I said this, I pulled out the journal.
Stanley gasped at this. “You think she might be a vampire?” he asked eagerly. “That would be so awesome!”
“Guess again brother,” I said, before opening the notebook. “Shabam!” Stanley let out a cry of revulsion. I checked the journal and saw that I had opened it on the page about gnomes. “Oh wait, I’m… I’m sorry,” I said, flipping to the right page, before showing him again. “Shabam!” I said with a bit less enthusiasm.
“A zombie?” Stanley asked. It was clear that he didn’t believe me. “That’s not funny Sixer.”
“I’m not joking!” I said, returning the journal into my coat at this, before pacing around. “It all adds up, the bleeding, the limp. She never blinks! Have you noticed that!” I pointed to him as I said this.
“Maybe she’s blinking when you’re blinking,” he pointed out.
“Stanley, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?” I asked, before looking around to see if anyone could hear us. “Trust no one!”
“But what about me?” Stanley asked, his anger clearly rising. “Why can’t you trust me!?”
“Stanley, she’s gonna eat your brain!” I shouted, shaking him as I said this.
Stanley pushed me off him and I stumbled back into my bed. “Stanford, listen to me,” he said. I could tell he was cross by the use of my real name as opposed to ‘Sixer’. “Norma and I are leaving for a date at 5 o’clock. And I’m gonna be charming! And she’s gonna be adorable!” he began to push me out of the room at this, ignoring my protests. “And I am not going to let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies!” With that, he slammed the door in my face.
I sighed and sat against the door, putting my hand to my forehead. “What am I gonna do?” I wondered.
5 o’clock came and Stanley ran down the stairs to the sound of the doorbell. He answered it to find Norma standing there. “Hey Norma!” he said eagerly. “How do I look?” He’d put on one of his leather jackets he brought from home.
“Leathery,” Norma groaned.
Stanley chuckled. “You always know what to say,” he said, before taking her hand. Then, they walked away from the shack.
I watched them go from the couch, worry coursing through me. I sat back and stared at the footage I recorded of the 2 of them. “Val is right,” I grumbled. “I don’t have any real evidence. I guess I can be kinda paranoid sometimes and… Wait WHAT!?” At that moment, on the footage, Norma’s hand fell off. She looked around, quickly picked it up, and slotted it back in. I sat up on the chair and replayed the video. Sure enough, there was no mistaking what I saw. I was so surprised that I fell backwards off the chair. “I was right!” I shouted as I got to my feet and ran for the door. “Oh my God! Oh my God!” I ran out the door, shouting, “Grauntie Mabel! Grauntie Mabel!”
I found her standing in front of a small crowd of tourists. “And here we have ‘Rock that looks like a face Rock’! It’s a rock that looks like a face!”
“Does it look like a rock?” asked one man.
“No it looks like a face,” Grauntie Mabel replied.
“Is it a face?” asked another.
“No it’s a rock that LOOKS like a face!” Grantie Mabel replied. I jumped around the idiots, trying to grab her attention, but she was too focused on the stupid questions. “For the 5th time it’s not an actual face!” she exclaimed.
Stan and Norma walked alone through the forest. Stan was thrilled with this. Finally, his first chance at true summer romance! If only his brother wasn’t so paranoid. Then he could enjoy it a bit more without feeling a little annoyed with him. He pushed Ford out of his mind. “Finally, we’re alone!” he said happily.
Norma walked up slowly behind him. “Yes… alone,” she said, reaching out to him.
I kept trying to get Grauntie Mabel’s attention, but she was too focused on her tourists to notice me. Then, I heard the sound of the golf cart. I turned around and saw Dan parking the cart. “Dan! Dan!” I called, running over to him. “I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my brother from a zombie!”
He looked at me for a few seconds, before handing me the key. “Try not to hit any pedestrians,” he told me, before he went back inside.
Without a second thought I jumped into the cart and started it, before backing up. I barely went anywhere before Val stopped me. “Hey dude, it’s me, Val.” I stopped and looked at her, as she handed me a shovel. “This is for the zombies,” she said. I took it gratefully. Then, she handed me a baseball bat. “And this is in case you see a pinata,” she added. I took that too, then drove off into the forest. “Better safe than sorry!” Val called behind me.
Stan and Norma stood together in the forest. “Stan,” said Norma, clearly nervous. “Now that we’ve gotten to know each other there’s…” She took a breath. “There’s something I should tell you.” She fiddled with the zipper of her jacket as she did.
“Oh Norma, you can tell me anything,” Stan told her. In his mind, he began to think, “Please be a vampire! Please be a vampire!”
Norma stepped away from him, her back to him. “Just, don’t freak out ok,” she said, turning around to face him again. “Try to keep an open mind. Be cool.” Then, she unzipped the jacket, and began to take it off. At first, Stan leaned forward eagerly at the sight of a girl taking an article of clothing off. But then his face shifted to one of horror as the coat came off. He was standing face to face, or rather, face to faces, with a bunch of gnomes. The one on top, a female gnome with brown hair, looked down at them all, then back up to Stan. “Is this weird?” she asked, her voice a lot higher than before. “Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?”
Stan could only stare, agape, at the 5 gnomes before him. All of them were female, with their white hair falling around their faces like a beard. The head gnome saw his reaction, and waved her hand. “Right, I’ll explain,” she said. “So, we’re gnomes, first off, get that one out of the way.” Stan continued to stare. “Uh, I’m Jill,” said the gnome. “And these are Carmen, Eve, Jizzelle and…” She trailed off at that, before smacking her forehead. “Ugh, I always forget your name,” she said.
“SHMEBULOCK!” the 5th gnome shouted.
Jill clicked her finger. “Shmebulock, yes!” she exclaimed, before turning back to Stan again, who’d taken a seat on a rock, taking all of this in. “So, long story short, us gnomes have been looking for a new king! Right gals?”
The other gnomes nodded and make grabby hands, shouting a chorus of, “King, king!”
“So, what do you say?” Jill asked. She stomped her foot on Eve’s head, and the other gnomes bent themselves into the shape of a person going down on one knee. A ring box somehow magically appeared in the fake hand, and popped open to reveal a pretty ring. As Stan saw it, he began to form a plan to nick it. “Will you join us in holy matri-gnome-y?” Jill asked, before cringing at her wording. “Matri… matrimony! Bleugh, can’t talk today!”
Stan looked at them awkwardly, before looking away, taking an awkward inhale. “Look, I’m sorry girls,” he said. “You’re really sweet, but, I’m a boy, and you’re gnomes and it’s like, ‘what?!’ Yikes.”
The gnomes looked at each other. “We understand,” said Jill. “We’ll never forget you Stanley.” Stan smiled at them. Now to sneak away, get the drop on them, steal the ring, and pawn it! But he had to throw that plan away when Jill added. “Because we’re going to kidnap you.”
Stan barely had enough time to utter a “Huh?” before the gnomes pounced on him, hissing as they did. As such, he had no time to do anything other than yell.
I tore through the forest on the golf cart, just about avoiding trees as I did. For my first time driving this thing, I wasn’t doing so bad. “Don’t worry Stanley!” I shouted as I drove. “I’ll save you from that zombie!” I drove around a few corners, before I heard Stanley calling for help. I stopped the cart, did a quick turn, then drove in the direction of my brother’s voice. “Hold on!” I shouted as the cart did basically a free fall down this steep path. Eventually, I found him standing with a bunch of small female creatures, who were all bouncing around him.
Standing before them all was a small woman, clearly the one in charge, as she was ordering them around. “The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody!” she said as I approached. “Just, ugh! Just get his arm there Eve!”
One of the creatures grabbed onto Stanley’s arm. “Let go of me!” he shouted, before punching the creature off his arm. Then, he kicked another. It bounced away from him and began to puke rainbows.
“What the heck is going on here!?” I exclaimed, holding up the shovel Val gave me. I then proceeded to drop it as one of the little creatures ran past and hissed at me as she did.
“Sixer!” Stanley called. “Norma turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they’re total jerks!” He then started hitting some more of them.
Now that he mentioned it, I realised that they were gnomes. “Gnomes huh?” I said as I scrolled through the journal, hoping to find their weakness. “Well, I was way off.” Then, I began to read their entry. “Gnomes, little women of the Gravity Falls forest. Weaknesses, unknown.”
I looked back up at Stan to see that he’d been tied down Gulliver’s Travels style by the gnomes. “Oh come ON!” he complained when he heard that last part.
I put the book away, then marched over to their leader. “Hey! Let go of my brother!” I ordered.
The gnome turned to face me. “Oh, uh, hay there!” she said. “I’m Jill! And there’s been a big misunderstanding, ya see? You’re brother isn’t in any danger. He’s just marrying all 1000 of us and becoming our gnome king for all eternity! Isn’t that right honey?”
“You guys are assholes!” Stanley replied. One of the gnomes quickly covered his mouth.
I brandished the shovel at them. “Give him back right now!” I demanded. “Or else!”
Jill scoffed at this. “You think you can stop us boy?!” she asked. “You have no idea what we’re capable of! We gnomes are a powerful race! Don’t trifle with the…” Feeling like this was going to go on, I picked her up with the shovel, and threw her aside. Then, I ran over to Stanley and snapped the chords with the shovel. The gnomes tried to pounce on him again, but now that he was prepared, he made quick work of them with a simple sweeping kick. Then he ran over to me. Then, the 2 of us ran into the cart. “He’s getting away with out king!” Jill called as we ran.
“Seat belt!” I said as Stanley jumped into the car. As soon as he was strapped in, I reversed the golf cart. Then, I spun it around and drove it out of the gnome’s grove.
As we drove, I heard Jill say, “You messed with the wrong creatures boy! Gnomes of the forest… ASSEMBLE!!” I giggled to myself, imagining what such small creatures could do to us.
I drove out of the forest as fast as I can. Stanley stared behind us, watching for the gnomes. “Hurry! before they come after us!” he said.
I actually laughed at that. “I wouldn’t worry about it,” I replied. “Have you seen their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!”
Suddenly, the ground shook, and we heard stomping coming from behind us. I stopped the cart and we looked around. A giant gnome, made from a bunch of gnomes stacked on top of each other, came running after us. “Damn,” Stanley commented.
I quickly spotted Jill sitting at the top of the giant gnome, piloting it. “Alright, teamwork gals!” she said. “Just like we practiced!” The giant gnome roared, before bringing it’s fist down on the cart.
“Move! Move!” Stanley shouted. I didn’t wait to be told twice. I started the cart and sped off down the forest trail and back towards the Mystery Shack.
The giant gnome thundered after us. “Come back with our king!” Jill shouted.
“Hurry! It’s getting closer!” shouted Stanley. The giant gnome suddenly threw out her hands, and a bunch of little gnomes came flying at us. They crawled around on the cart, and began to try and break it. One of them dangled from the roof, but Stanley quickly punched it away.
Another leapt on my side, but I grabbed her and slammed her against the steering wheel. “Shmebulock!” she groaned as I threw her away. Suddenly, another jumped right in my line of sight. Then, she jumped on me and began to scramble around inside my coat.
“I’ll save you Sixer!” Stanley shouted, before he punched every spot where the gnome could be seen under my coat. I managed to squirm my way out of the coat, pulling the journal from out of my pocket and leaving it on my lap. Stanley grabbed my coat and tied the gnome up in it, before throwing them both off the cart.
“Thanks Stanley,” I groaned. I was definitely going to be feeling those punches in the morning.
“Don’t mention it,” he replied. Behind us, the giant gnome grabbed a whole tree and threw it at us. “Look out!” Stanley shouted. I swerved the cart and we managed to avoid crashing into the tree. We skidded along the road and came to a stop right outside the Mystery Shack. As soon as we stopped, the cart fell over, and both of us scrambled out of it.
As soon as we were out, the giant gnome approached us, growling. “Stay back!” I shouted, before throwing the shovel. The gnome raised its fist and smashed it into the ground, destroying it with extreme ease. Both of us screamed as we saw this happen. “Where’s Grauntie Mabel!?” I asked.
Inside the shack, Mabel stood next to a family of tourists, right next to the window. She was holding an object that was covered by a blanket. If any of them turned their heads, they’d see the giant gnome looming over the 2 young boys. Unfortunately… “Behold, the worlds most distracting object!” she declared, before unveiling it. Then she pulled on the chord, and it began to spin in a hypnotic pattern. “Just try to look away! You can’t!” None of them moved for several seconds, all staring at the spinning pattern. “I can’t even remember what I was talking about,” she said.
Stanley and I backed up against the shack wall as the giant gnome approached us. “End of the line kids!” Jill shouted. “Stanley, marry us before we do something crazy!”
“There’s gotta be a way out of this!” I said. I looked around, before reaching for the journal, only to realise it was still in the cart!
I was about to try and run and get it, when Stanley approached the gnome. “I’ve got to do it,” he said.
“What!” I exclaimed, forgetting about the journal and running over to him. “Stanley are you crazy!? Don’t do this!”
He looked at me. “Trust me,” he whispered. I stared it him, befuddled. “Sixer, just this once. Trust me!” I sighed, then backed away, deciding to trust him. Stanley gave me a small, reassuring smile, then turned to Jill. “Alright Jill. I’ll marry you.”
“Hot dog!” Jill exclaimed, before climbing down all of the gnomes and running over to Stanley. She stopped before him and pulled out a ring box. I had no idea where that come from. She looked up at Stanley and pointed at it eagerly. Stanley smiled and held out his hand. Jill slipped the ring on his finger, then did a victory jig. “Badda-bing badda-bam!” she shouted. “Now, let’s get you back into the forest honey!”
“You may now kiss the groom!” Stanley announced. As I watched this, I had no idea whether or not to feel scared, or start laughing. Then, I spotted something behind him, and I grinned. Sometimes, my brother really could be a genius.
Thankfully, Jill didn’t notice it. “Well, don’t mind if I do!” she said, before puckering her lips. Stanley did the same, and leaned in. Suddenly, he reached backwards into the pile of leaves behind him, and pulled out the leaf blower. Jill yelped with surprise and tried to back away. “Hey, wait a minute!” she exclaimed. But before she could get very far, the leaf blower pulled her into it. “Woah, woah, woah! What’s going on!” she shouted as she got jammed inside the nozzle.
“That’s for lying to me!” Stanley shouted. He set the leaf blower to full power. “This is for breaking my heart!” Then, he pointed the leaf blower at the giant gnome. “And this is for messing with my brother!” Then, he looked at me with a grin. “Wanna do the honours?” he asked.
I grinned at him. “On 3,” I replied. The gnomes all tried to protest this, but the 2 of us counted to 3, then set the leaf blower to reverse. Jill was thrown into the gnomes, causing the giant gnome to come apart, and all of them to fly in different directions.
“I’ll get you back for thiiiiiiiiiiiiis!” Jill shouted as she flew off into the forest.
The gnomes all fell back down on the ground, grumbling about needing orders. But before they could do anything, Stanley stuck the leaf blower in their faces and chased them away with it. “Anyone else want some?” he asked. All of the gnomes ran back into the forest, terrified of us and our leaf blower. One of them ended up getting stuck in a plastic rings used for cans. This set of rings got picked up by Waddles, and he carried her away from the shack.
Sighing with relief that it was over, I walked back towards the shack. Stanley ran up behind me. “hey Sixer,” he said. “I’m sorry for ignoring your advice. You really were just looking out for me.”
I waved him off. “Oh don’t be like that,” I said. “You saved our butts back there!”
Stanley chuckled a bit, then pulled some leaves out of his hair. “I guess I’m just annoyed that my first girlfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes,” he said dejectedly.
“That’s rough buddy,” I replied. “But look on the bright side. Maybe the next one will be a vampire.”
Stanley gave a proper laugh this time. “You’re just saying that,” he said, giving me a friendly punch. “But hey, at least I can sell this!” He held up the gnome’s ring triumphantly.
I laughed at that, before holding out my arms “Awkward sibling hug?” I asked.
“Awkward sibling hug,” he agreed.
The 2 of us embraced each other, before awkwardly patting each other’s back, saying, “Pat, pat.” Then, we laughed and stepped inside the shack.
Grauntie Mabel was counting money when we walked into the shop. She heard the bell chime and looked up at us. “Jeez,” she commented. “You 2 get hit by a bus or something?” She laughed at her own joke. Stanley and I ignored her and began walking towards the stairs. Grauntie Mabel watched us for a few seconds, before calling us back. “Wouldn’t you know it, I accidentally overstocked some of the inventory!” she told us. “So, how’s about you each take one item from the gift shop, on the house?”
Stanley and I looked at each other, both of us suspicious. “What’s the catch?” I asked.
“The catch is to do it before I change my mind,” Grauntie Mabel replied, before picking up the cash she was counting and putting it in the register. “Now take something.”
Not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth, Stanley and I wandered around the shop, looking at all of the merchandise. Nothing really caught my eye for the most part. That is, until I found a brown bomber jacket hanging up in an aisle. “That’ll do the trick,” I said as I grabbed it and put it on.
“And I’ll have a…” came Stanley’s voice from the corner of the shop. Suddenly, he slid into the main area of the shop, with the item he chose in his hand. “Grappling hook!” he declared.
Grauntie Mabel and I looked at each other. “Wouldn’t you rather like a football or something?” she asked him.
Stanley responded by pointing the hook at the ceiling. He pushed the button and the hook extended, wrapping around a crossbeam and pulling him up to it. “Grappling Hook!” he shouted, punching the air with one hand.
“Grappling Hook!” Mabel shouted in agreement. I watched my family’s antics with that grappling hook, and found myself laughing.
Later that night, Stanley and I were in our room. I was scribbling in the mysterious journal, writing the gnomes’ weakness to leaf blowers in their entry, while he was making action poses and fighting manoeuvres. This journal told me that there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust. But when you battle a hundred gnomes side by side with someone, you realise that they’ve probably always got your back. “Hey Stanley, can you get the light?” I asked.
In response, Stanley pointed the grappling hook at the lamp. “I’m on it,” he said. Then, he shot it, causing the lamp to fly out of the window, smashing it to pieces. “It worked!” he shouted gleefully, before laughing. Our auntie told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked?
It was the dead of night, and no one was moving in the shack. Well, almost no one. Mabel carried a lantern through the dark house as she approached the vending machine. She glanced around, making sure that no one was there to see her. Then, she pushed the buttons of the machine in a very particular way. Suddenly, the vending machine swung open, revealing a secret passageway. Mabel stepped inside, then moved to close the door. She cast another cautionary glance about the place, before closing the door, returning the house to a look of normalcy once more.