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I won't start this with "Dear Diary". Thats only for lovesick high-schoolers in movies...
Yet, I believe I am now in a situation which love is reciprocated to me.
I believed feelings were a ruse. A waste of time. A distraction. I've poured all my time into my work in hopes that it'll bear the fruits of my labor that is the hope that I get into my dream company, but here I am, realizing that I, too, have been struck by cupid's cruel arrow.
Even if I had grown to enjoy his company as our relationship mended, I never thought it would go this far. We loathed each other the second we met... but oh... how it has changed.
I found myself droning on to him about all that I never realized I longed to talk about to someone who listened intently to me. He even laughed with me and joined me when I mocked that petulant international student from G2. Of course, I was under the influence of alcohol from that rather quaint but cozy bar he had took me to, but the feeling was still real.
The alcohol wasn't the only thing rushing through me, but so was genuine joy that I thought I was incapable of feeling unless I succeeded at what I came to pursue here. That joy was accompanied by something else I didn't dare to name until recently when he gave me that tie. It was simple and black. He said it gave me a more professional feel to me now that I got into my dream company. Not only that, but he'd be on the other side of the company in the investments department. I'd have someone to journey through life with as an everlasting friend.
That's what I thought.
When the night was over and we arrived back to our small dorm, we settled into our respective beds, believing the night was over. Yet we continued to talk, albeit at a more hushed voice. As of how I spoke, I believe it was what one would describe as rambling. I rambled to him as he watched me speak animatedly despite my calm body language.
It wasn't till our eyes met that I saw the look of love in his gaze and I felt the rush of blood to my cheeks. His gaze was soft and loving as he sat there so calmly, listening ever so intently.
I didn't realize how I had trailed off and stared for a moment too long. He didn't mind though, nor did he call me out. My thoughts were too hazy to remember the inbetween, but the next thing I knew, we were just sitting there in each other's comforting silence, our hands outstretched across the room to lace our fingers.
After a while, our arms ached from having them out so long. We glanced at each other before making a silent collective agreement.
We got up and pushed our heavy dorm beds into the center of the room, right below the big window. It wasn't a conscious decision when we wrapped our arms around each other, his head tucking into the crook of my neck.
And hour later and quite a few whispered words that could've been mistaken for sweet nothings was what lead to what felt like the greatest moment of my entire four years at RMU and possibly my whole life.
A soft, gentle, and passionate kiss.
It was like feelings had been unknowingly brewing in my chest, unable to break free till his lips met mine in a rush of love and emotion. It was passionate in the way it was long and soft, a longing being fulfilled.
My thoughts were too hazy to think how irresponsible this might've been in hindsight. All I could think about was how good it felt. How good it felt to have him in my arms and how good it felt to have this level of intimacy.
He loved me. And I cannot deny, I loved him.
I awoke with a hangover the next day, still in the same bed as him and still in each other's arms. I only registered it until I crawled out of bed and dragged my feet to the toilet.
I still think it felt good.
I still think it was the greatest moment of all my four years in RMU and in my life.
My head pounded and all I could think of was how good it still felt to be in his arms. I longed for his warmth, a feeling I had never felt before.
So, I could only think but to wander back into bed pushed together like a California King. I did. I sunk back into his arms and closed my eyes, deciding to deal with my hangover later. All felt right in the world.
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