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“Okay, he’s gone. Give me the dirt.”
Eddie snorted and polished off the last crumbs of his piece of cake. He’d managed to snag part of the mangled S – Buck’s pathetic attempt at fixing the cake he’d made incorrectly on purpose.
“May I reiterate … you are a child,” Hen said, and the others laughed.
Buck’s pout might very well have been the cutest thing Eddie had ever seen. That wasn’t a new thing, Eddie finding Buck cute, but it was something that was getting nearly impossible to ignore.
“I’m being serious. There has to be something you can tell me about him. Did he trip over the hose? Did he almost get hit with an ax? Come on …”
“Well, he did try to jump right into the kitchen when he first got here,” Harry piped up. “And it was right after we were talking about how weird it was to be in the kitchen without you.”
Eddie watched Buck try to control his reaction to that, but Buck had always been pretty easy to read. This time, his annoyance was palpable.
“Of course he did. But he didn’t cook as well as me, right?”
“No, Buck,” Eddie sighed, amused. “He was a terrible cook and you’re the king of the kitchen.
Buck beamed and Eddie’s heart skipped a beat. “Thank you, Eddie. At least someone has my back around here.”
“Hen really didn’t like him,” Ravi said with a snicker, and Hen rolled her eyes.
“In my defence, I don’t like anyone who comes waltzing in here with no warning,” she said pointedly, glaring at Chimney.
“We had one crazy paramedic fill in, which wasn’t even my call, might I add,” Chimney said, “and you refuse to trust my judgement ever again.”
“He was super susceptible to suggestion,” Harry countered. “He almost got Cap fired.”
Eddie nodded in agreement with everyone else and then stood up to grab another cookie. He could never get enough of Buck’s snickerdoodles.
“He definitely liked Eddie the most, though,” Hen said with a snicker, and Eddie whipped his head around just in time to hear her finish the sentence. “Wouldn’t stop flirting with him.”
Eddie didn’t move. He didn’t even breathe. Buck’s expression was one of amusement, but there was something else in his eyes. Eddie closed his eyes momentarily and prayed that Hen would leave it at that and they could move on and Buck would never have to know what he’d done.
“Bad luck for him, then. He wasn’t gonna get very far with Eddie. Eddie’s straight,” Buck said.
Right. Yes. Buck would still think Eddie was straight. Probably because he hadn’t found the right time to tell him otherwise, and now was most certainly not the time to correct him.. He hadn’t told anyone else either, but he supposed what he’d done had clued them in a little. Eddie rounded his chair and took a seat, nibbling on his cookie and wishing he had something with which to change the subject.
“Might wanna tell that to Eddie,” Ravi said. “He spent half his time flirting back.”
Fuck.
Eddie felt frozen in his seat as Buck turned to look at him. He had that expression that stated, unequivocally, that he was jealous. This wasn’t new. Buck was very protective over Eddie and their friendship and always had been, and anyone stepping in was akin to a declaration of war with one Mr. Evan Buckley. He was quite used to that look being thrown at other people. But this? This was far worse than that. Not only was this look now directed at Eddie, but behind the jealousy, there was something else. Eddie could have sworn it was … hurt.
If only Buck knew the truth about any of it.
⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝
Sam was a nice guy. Eddie knew that. He was helpful and kind and in generally good spirits, which was something their team could really use right now. But him being here because Buck wasn’t was already a strike upon his record.
They’d just gotten back from their third call to the apartment building, and Eddie was tired and hungry and really wanted to just eat a giant sandwich and lay down in the bunkroom for at least the next six hours.
Unfortunately, the bell rang as soon as he had eyes on his sandwich, and with a groan, he dragged himself back to the truck.
Sam was sitting in Buck’s seat. Eddie tried not to be annoyed about it, but it was hard. He missed Buck’s random tangents that he almost always went on while they drove to scenes. He missed Buck’s knee constantly pressing into his own. He just missed Buck. He knew it was best for Buck to be focused on his recovery and he knew that, in time, the chief would let him come back, but none of that mattered when Eddie was tired and hungry and missing him.
They pulled up to a three car pile-up. Eddie hurried off with Hen, happy to leave Sam behind, and they started assessing the patients. Most of the injuries were minor, but there was one broken arm to set, and that kept Eddie’s mind busy.
As they loaded their broken arm into the ambulance, however, Eddie heard Sam’s laugh, and he poked his head around the corner, wondering what could possibly be so funny.
And there Sam was, flirting with one of their patients. Objectively, Eddie could see why Sam would be attracted to her, but this was a scene. How was he so calm and collected and joyful enough to just flirt with her? And it was working. She was blushing and twirling her hair and looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world.
Eddie scoffed. Sam was nothing special. Eddie could flirt too. He’d been flirting with Buck for months.
Not that Buck had noticed, though.
Eddie watched Sam do the same thing at four other scenes back to back, and the more Eddie witnessed, the more frustrated he became. Sam could turn on the charm for anyone and it always worked in his favor. So why was Eddie having such trouble even though he was completely focused on one person?
They finally had a lull in calls and Eddie ate not one but two sandwiches in the span of five minutes before laying himself out on the couch. Sam was right across from him, flipping through the channels. Everyone else was in the bunkroom to try and get a little sleep, but Eddie’s mind was working overtime.
He had quite the opportunity laying in front of him. Was it stupid? Yes, most definitely. Would it work? Maybe. Probably.
He decided to take the leap.
“Hey, Sam?”
Sam looked up, smiling at the prospect of being acknowledged. “Yeah?”
“I have a … weird question for you.”
“Sure. I love weird. Hit me.”
Eddie shook his head at himself, knowing that the next words that came out of his mouth were going to be the most ridiculous he’d ever said, but this new guy wasn’t gonna last for long.
“Would you … flirt with me?”
Sam’s cheeks went scarlet. “I, uh … what?”
Eddie could have slapped himself. He wasn’t supposed to lead with that. But it was too late now. He hurried to clarify. “Look, it’s not … I just … I saw you at a few scenes today. You have a way with people, and there’s this … person that I like a lot. And I’ve been flirting with him for months and I’m not getting anywhere, and I think maybe it’s because I’ve never tried to flirt with a man before.”
He realized as soon as the last word was out of his mouth that he’d just basically come out to Sam, something he hadn’t done with anyone else, not even Buck, but he didn’t really have time to worry about that right now.
“Okayyyy …” Sam said slowly, leaning forward in his seat. “So you want to practice flirting with men. With me.”
Eddie nodded. “Yeah. I know that sounds insane, but I don’t know what else to do.”
Sam let out a laugh. “Wow. Okay. Definitely never been asked that before, so good on you, I guess.”
“You know what, just … forget it,” Eddie mumbled. This was so, so stupid. He was so, so stupid. What kind of brand new coworker asked another brand new coworker to flirt with them for practice?
“Oh, no, don’t get it twisted. I’m in. I just need to know what level of flirting you’re looking for,” Sam said with a grin. “Is this like … light testing the waters flirting, or more than that.”
“Considering how long I’ve been trying, I think we need to start with the basics.”
Sam nodded. “Can do. And what’s in it for me?”
“Umm …” Eddie blushed. He really hadn’t thought this through.
“I’m just messing,” Sam said with a wink. “Wow, this is gonna be fun. Much more fun than being glared at all the time.”
“Yeah … sorry about that,” Eddie apologized. “We’re like a family around here, and when one of us is missing, it’s … I’ll talk to them. Get them to not be so weird, okay?”
Sam’s smirk took over his whole face, and he stuck out his hand. “You’ve got a deal.”
⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝
“Buck, it’s not … I wasn’t …” Eddie tried to say, but the words wouldn’t come to him. He hated lying to Buck, but he couldn’t exactly explain himself in front of everyone. That would mean officially coming out to them. That would mean admitting his feelings for his best friend. That would mean telling the rest of his team that he was so pathetic he had to ask a stranger for help with flirting.
He absolutely could not do that.
“Right, I think that’s enough stories,” Buck said, the fake enthusiasm dripping from his voice. Eddie’s heart sank right into his stomach. “I’m gonna start on the dishes.”
He was gone before Eddie could even think about finding something else to say. He looked from Hen to Ravi to Harry and then to Chimney, and all of them had a similar look of baffled confusion on their faces. The easy joy that had been in the room moments before was gone now.
Eddie sighed. This was going to be a long shift.
⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝ ⚝
Eddie was standing at Buck’s door with a six pack of non-alcoholic cider and a stomach full of butterflies. He knew that it might be better to give Buck his space, but he’d never really been good at that. When Buck sulked, he sulked hard, and Eddie knew the only way to break Buck out of the cycle was to do this. Show up. Ask Buck what was wrong. Wait for him to say he’s fine only to blurt out his actual feelings moments later.
Eddie could only hope that this would segway right into being able to confess the truth to Buck. It was time.
He raised his hand and knocked. “Buck? Buck it’s me. Let me in, man.”
He saw a light flick on in the small foyer and stepped back as the lock clicked. Buck stood there in his favorite hoodie and sweats, looking just as annoyed and distant as he had when Eddie had left him in the locker room only a few hours ago.
“You have a key, you know,” Buck muttered as he stood back to let Eddie in.
“I know.” Eddie said. He’d thought about using his key, about busting down Buck’s door and announcing that he was in love with him, but after everything Buck had just been through, he didn’t think Buck would appreciate that very much.
They were both quiet until they sat down on Buck’s couch, cider in their hands. Buck picked at the label on the bottle. Eddie took in a deep breath.
“Okay, out with it. What’s wrong?”
One part down.
Buck shrugged. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just first day back jitters.”
Two parts down.
Eddie set his cider down. “Buck. Come on. You were fine at the beginning of the shift.”
This was the moment he knew he could push Buck just a little. Buck needed to be nudged into insisting he was fine, because that nudge was the key to him opening up. Eddie just had to wait it out.
“I said I’m fine,” Buck bit back. Eddie just sat back and waited.
Three. Two. One.
“I didn’t know you’d come out to everyone but me.”
And that … that wasn’t what Eddie had expected to hear at all.
“What … Buck I didn’t come out to anyone. What are yo—”
“Clearly you must have, because everyone was acting like you flirting with the new guy was a perfectly normal thing for you, a straight man, to do.” Buck’s knuckles were white where he was clutching his bottle. “I just thought maybe you would have told me. I felt … kind of left out of that conversation.”
Eddie hung his head. “Buck, listen …”
“No, it’s okay. You had every right to come out on your own terms, and that includes deciding who you tell and when.”
“But that’s the thing. I didn’t tell anyone anything. Not … not technically.” Buck wouldn’t look at him. Eddie hated that. “Look, can I just … will you let me explain?”
Buck merely shrugged, peeling off another piece of the bottle label. “Fine.”
“Without that look on your face?”
“Fine,” Buck raised his head and plastered on a look of curiosity. “Happy?”
Eddie smiled against his better judgement. “Better now that I can see your eyes.” Buck’s cheeks went scarlet, and it was moments like this that gave Eddie confidence that he was doing the right thing by pursuing Buck, even if he was doing a horrible job of it. He was so, so sure that Buck had feelings for him too. He could only hope that, when he finally got the words out, Buck wouldn’t run.
Eddie cleared his throat. This was it. “I wanted to tell you first. You have to know that. And I’ve been trying to figure out when and how for the last couple of months. I was actually going to in Nashville, but then you stayed with that woman at the bar, and then New Mexico happened, and then your … your dependency, and it just …” Eddie took a deep breath. “I didn’t think you needed anything else to change in your life. What you needed was stability, a sense of normalcy, and me coming out to you would upset that. It never felt like the right time, and I didn’t want you to think I was doing it for any other reason than me just wanting you to know that part of me.”
Buck’s eyes had widened considerably as Eddie rambled, and they looked just a little glassy now that Eddie stopped talking long enough to really take him in.
“Oh.” Buck bit his lip. “I … I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like I was owed your coming out. That was … sorry.”
Eddie gave him a small, encouraging smile. “No reason to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should have told you ages ago.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you had to go flirt with my replacement, though,” Buck grumbled, leaning back and crossing his arms.
“Ah,” Eddie said with a little laugh, trying to disguise just how nervous he was. “That was … well, it was an experiment, let’s call it. I actually asked him to flirt with me.”
Buck’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you do that?”
“I needed the practice.”
“Practice …”
“There’s this guy I really liked. I’ve liked him for a while, actually,” Eddie said slowly, trying to make sure each word came out exactly as he planned it. This was one conversation he couldn’t mess up. “And I’ve been trying to flirt with him for months, but he didn’t seem like he even noticed, so I enlisted some help. I figured maybe if I got in some practice, I might be able to get through to him.”
Buck’s expression changed instantly. He sat up straighter and his eyes brightened. The corners of his mouth turned up in a teasing smile. “Oh, really? Who’s this guy, Eddie?”
Buck really was the sweetest person Eddie knew. Immediately, he was on board to help Eddie get this mystery man, even if he’d been mad at him five minutes ago. If only he knew. “Oh, he’s really special. He’s a firefighter too, actually.”
Buck raised his eyebrows, his Supportive Best Friend face only slipping for a second. “Really? Do I know him?”
“Yeah. Pretty well, actually. He’s really tall. Super muscular too. He’s really bulked out these last few years. And he has this stupid curly hair that I think would look really good if he grew it out a little longer,” Eddie said as nonchalantly as he could. Was he a little terrified right now? Yes. But if he was going to do this, he might as well let himself have fun with it.
“Oh. Well, I guess he’s a pretty lucky guy to have your attention,” Buck said. His smile wavered.
“I think so,” Eddie said. “He’s the best, honestly. Probably one of my best friends.”
Buck’s face fell then, and Eddie felt a little bad for dragging this out.
“First I’m replaced at the firehouse and now as your best friend. Perfect way to start my week,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.
Eddie sighed. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t leave Buck in this misery. And he also really wanted to finally say it out loud to someone that wasn’t a random firefighter.
“Buck, it’s you.”
Buck’s head tilted. “It’s me what?”
“You’re the guy I’ve been trying to flirt with. I … I kinda love you.”
Buck’s face went oddly blank, and he just stared at Eddie, not saying anything. Eddie waited, the nerves coming back full force and making him regret drinking the cider. Right as he opened his mouth to say something more, though, Buck seemed to reboot.
“But … but you can’t … but I told Tommy … and then Maddie said … are you sure?”
Tommy? Maddie? Oh, Eddie would so be asking about that later.
“Yeah, Buck. I think maybe it’s always been you.”
“Me?”
Buck’s voice was so soft, so hopeful, and Eddie was suddenly reminded of another time Buck had said that word to him. They had just pulled a live bomb out of a man’s leg. They were panting and standing with Bobby outside the hospital. Eddie had told Buck, the guy who had been acting like a petulant child all day, that he was badass under pressure, and he’d meant it. This reckless kid who hated his guts was actually a really good firefighter, and an even better partner, and in that moment, Eddie had been completely open and honest. And Buck had looked at him like he’d never heard such a compliment before from anyone in his life.
It was a full circle moment. Eddie was both there in the first moments of their friendship and here in Buck’s house, confessing his love. Everything finally felt right.
“Yes, you,” Eddie repeated, reaching over to take Buck’s hand.
“But … but I never … I didn’t …”
“Will you shut up so I can kiss you?” Eddie asked, putting an end to Buck’s rambles. Buck only had time to nod before Eddie gave in to every temptation he’d ever had and pulled Buck into a kiss.
Eddie’s list of first kisses wasn’t short by any means, but the first kisses that had made him feel like this? There had never been one. Buck’s hands flew to Eddie’s waist, tugging him closer and slipping beneath his shirt. Eddie moaned into Buck’s mouth, deepening the kiss. Every part of his body felt like a live wire. Everywhere that they touched, he felt it, those points standing out like mini suns in a world that had long since been dark. He was burning from the inside out, and it was everything.
“Fuck,” Buck whispered against his mouth. “You … you’re so …”
“I know,” Eddie said back, cupping his hand around the back of Buck’s neck.
“Can we … bedroom?” Buck asked then, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on Eddie’s shirt. Eddie’s stomach swooped pleasantly.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”