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Module Unavailable: SecUnit Enrichment in Progress

Summary:

Three was driving me crazy. Absolutely, completely, utterly crazy.

In large part, because it read my contract and therefore knew exactly what my written stipulations were. Therefore, it could walk right on the line of those stipulations. Since it wasn't technically touching me, it wasn't technically violating my contract. That it considered 4mm of space at its closest point sufficient for "not touching" had apparently become a "me" problem somewhere along the line.

Notes:

Loosely based on a conversation on the New Tideland Discord Server.

I just needed this out of my head so I can get back to my long fic!

Work Text:

Three was driving me crazy. Absolutely, completely, utterly, fucking crazy.

In large part because it read my contract and therefore knew exactly what my written stipulations were. Therefore, it could walk right on the line of those stipulations. Or my heels. It turned out that it could manage both simultaneously.

I tried to be patient. I understood why it was doing what it was doing. Sort of. I guess. To say the previous 60 cycles had been rough would be a gross understatement. 

There had been a variety of missions gone wrong, and we had each had more than our fair share of involuntary shut downs. I don’t mean the normal sort of mission gone wrong when we inevitable get a little banged up. We’re SecUnits. That’s normal. These were some serious outliers. We both needed a long vacation. Just… not on the same ship or the same station because seriously.

Three's first major shut down was... it was bad, okay? Even ART wasn't sure it would be able to get it back online. It—

It was bad. Which was probably why I hadn't snapped over the shit it was pulling sooner. 

My most recent shutdown had occurred while hard-lined to a larger system we needed information from. Yeah... also bad. It wasn’t Helping-The-Company-Gunship-Bot-Pilot bad, but it was closer than I care to recollect.

Three wound up having to carry my offline ass through an entire station without raising any sort of suspicion from the humans or SecSystem. Three cannot hack as well as I can. At least not confidently.

It did it though, because Three's a professional, and it figured it out. After it got me back, it took longer than usual for ART to get me back online. 

Apparently, during that time, Three was a mess. Yes, it was getting trauma treatment, (it’s not as stubborn as I am) but we all know that treatment is a process. 

The process wasn't processing if my shadow was anything to go by. 

It wasn't even a full fucking step behind me. I could feel it breathing on my shoulder and neck! 

Ugh!

But since it wasn't technically touching me, it wasn't technically violating my contract. That it considered 4mm of space at its closest point sufficient for "not touching" had apparently become a "me" problem somewhere along the line. 

I was completely and utterly over Three's shit. I walked down to one of ART's cargo modules. It had been used for storage for part of this mission, but it was empty now. 

Three was barely behind me every step of the way. See above: 4mm. 

I walked out to the center of the cargo module with my shadow “following” me.

Then I twisted and jumped, wrapping myself around Three's face and shoulders. It wasn’t an enemy though, so I didn’t fire my energy weapons into its neck or actually try to rip its head off. I just held on.

It made an alarmed sound that was swallowed by the noise of us wrestling. 

I vaguely noticed that ART had started yelling at us over the feed, but I was busy.  

Three grabbed into my waist and wrenched me down, throwing me to the floor. 

ART was yelling again. I still didn’t care what it was saying.

As Three threw me to the floor, it pulled itself down on top of me, its arms on either side of my head. I slammed an elbow into its arm, throwing off its balance, then I head butted it. With that minuscule bit of space I slammed my hips up into its torso pushing it slightly over my head and threw a knee hard into its side, forcing it over. 

I wasn’t able to pin it, but I was able to wriggle away. It whipped around and grabbed me by the ankle, dragging me to the floor once more. I hit hard, and flipped over, kicking Three in the face. It didn’t seem to mind much though as it yanked me along the floor and laid down on top of me. 

And just… stayed there.  

It’s core heater came on. 

Three?

Hm?

What the fuck are you doing?

Mm.

Well, that was fucking helpful. I did figure out what it wasn’t doing though. It was definitely not going to let me up any time soon.

Get off. 

It didn’t. 

Then I realized something. 

What the fuck, Three?! Did you just initiate a recharge cycle while laying on top of me?! 

It’s offline. ART oh, so helpfully informed me. Apparently, that was a “yes.”

I could have pushed it off once it initiated its recharge, but for some reason I didn’t. I poked at ART in the feed instead. 

You are also overdue for a recharge cycle. It needlessly informed me. I knew that. 

Don’t the humans need the cargo module back?

ART pushed the current map at me. The cargo module was listed as “Unavailable: SecUnit Enrichment in Progress.”

Both you and Three currently have reduced stress chemicals in your organic tissues compared to when you entered the module..

Assholes. Both of them. 

I made an obscene gesture at ART’s camera then initiated my own recharge cycle.