Work Text:
Pepper had always had some sort of strange attraction to women. At first, she just brushed it off at thinking they were just pretty and attractive in the normal way girls say and think that about each other. However, overtime, she had started to realise that it definitely wasn’t in the ‘normal’ way she had thought.
She hadn’t brought up those feelings to anyone before, not even her best friend, Salt. Pepper thought that it was better to not bring them up to her for multiple reasons. One, Salt probably wouldn’t listen to her. She hadn’t been interested in what Pepper had to say lately. Two, Pepper thought that she could figure all of it out herself. It would probably be a waste of time to tell anyone.
Looking back on it, Pepper had definitely made the right decision to bite her tongue and stay silent about it. She had came to the conclusion and realisation of just how… wrong it was to feel that way. How could Pepper feel attraction to women? That shouldn’t be happening. Why would that happen? It wasn’t right. Pepper had known that, so why did she keep feeling that way?
Pepper knew that Salt wouldn’t accept her like that. Why would she? Pepper was already flawed enough, she didn’t need another mistake added to that. Salt was great, amazing even. She didn’t deserve a best friend who was that way.
She knew that many of the others also had attraction to the same gender and sex. She didn’t mind others being that way because that was just who they were. Who was Pepper to judge someone’s happiness?
Why was it different when it was herself then? Why did she hate herself for thinking all of those stupid thoughts even if she didn’t care about who literally anyone else was attracted to? It was a loop in her head. She hated herself for being who she was. She hated herself because she knew that it was wrong to be who she was. She was wrong.
Pepper couldn’t be that way. She wouldn’t allow herself to be. She had to change immediately. She couldn’t feel that way anymore. Why did she feel it in the first place? She shouldn’t have felt it in the first place anyway. She had felt genuinely guilty and ashamed of herself for feeling something that most people, if not everyone else had been able to accept as a societal normal.
Pepper had to change those feelings. She didn’t know how, but she would learn to not feel that way anymore. She had to learn. Nobody could know how wrong she was. Nobody could know that her feelings were absolutely terrible and incorrect.
Pepper needed to change.