Chapter Text
Travis had never left Nockfell.
Hell, he’d never even left his father’s house. He graduated high school just barely above average and hadn’t even gotten his degree like he wanted to. Travis bent again to his father’s will and agreed to become a preacher and take over the church after his retirement. Kenneth Phelps died before that could happen, much to Travis’ unwelcome relief. He never wanted anything to do with that fucking church about halfway through high school; or the people in it, for that matter.
Travis wanted to go to a university somewhere out of state and study English and literature. He wanted to be a successful published author of everything from sci-fi to non-fiction. Maybe even do a biography—he liked studying other people and there were a few historical figures and celebrities he wouldn’t mind looking a little more into. Maybe he’d teach at some point, or at least volunteer at places and events.
He wanted nothing more than to feel accomplished, yet here he was at 20 years old, still the same as ever; living in the same town he was born in and the same house he was raised in. The bright side is that Travis grew out of being a total asshole and is more tolerable now. He doesn’t interact with many people outside of his coworkers and the customers that come in, but he’s actually a pretty pleasant person to be around now. On a good day, at least. He still has his moments.
Travis actually felt pretty bad about how he acted in high school, cringing and beating himself up late at night when his mind wandered a little too far from his grasp before sleep. He wasn’t sure where the change came from, but him—and quite a few others—are glad that it happened. If he had to guess, Travis would say that it started with none other than Sal Fisher (because of course it would be Sal Fisher) and ended after he stopped grieving the death of his father.
The bathroom with Sal was actually something Travis thought about a lot. It was terrifying and humiliating for someone to glance at the deepest and darkest parts of him but also relieving to be treated with such kindness afterwards. It was like part of a weight was permanently lifted from his shoulders and it was something he’d be forever grateful for. He had been so sure that if anyone knew, they’d use it against him. They’d tell everyone and his father would find out, and if he wasn’t beaten to death or punished in some other torturous way, he’d be sent away from everything and everyone he knew.
But Sal. . . Sal understood. He knew that Travis’ life wasn’t easy, and despite all the hell he’d put the poor boy and his friends through, Sal offered a light in the darkness that was Travis’ life. He never did find out why. Sal told him that everyone deserves kindness and that he’d never judge anyone for who they love or the reasons behind the ways they act, but Travis always had the feeling there was a little more to it than just that.
What did he know, though? It’s not like he got any closer with him after that. Not by much, anyways. Of course, now that his secret was out and Travis held that fact over his own head, almost as a reminder that that information could get out at any minute. His life could be over sooner than he could blink if he wasn’t careful. He knew Sal was a good person. In fact, Travis almost hated him for it, but he couldn’t trust him to truly keep a secret. Especially after what he’d done to him for so long.
He laid off Sal and his friends after that. He could still hear Ash and Larry talk about him behind his back. Sal told them off sometimes, but it was never a true defense, and he’d even laugh along with them sometimes. Travis knew a lot of the stuff they said about him was true, but he didn’t think they were very funny. He couldn’t say anything about it, of course. He didn’t even really want to.
There was a lot of time spent where Travis thought he hated Sal and his friends. He later came to realize that he hated how free they all were. Unapologetically individualistic and themselves. Todd and Neil never had to hide the fact that they loved each other. Not that they particularly wanted it to be public information, and for good reason, but they never hid it. Sal, Larry, Ash, Maple, and Chug supported them without question or odd looks. Travis was so incredibly jealous.
To this day, nobody but Sal Fisher knows that Travis is gay. Travis Phelps, only son and eldest child of Nockfell’s most rigid and relentless preacher, owner of the Phelps Ministry, is a fag. A sinner in the house of a saint. He’s lucky he’s made it this long with only one screw up. He’s learned to be more careful since then.
Travis still didn’t know how he felt about other people knowing. On one hand, the only reason he isn’t out is because it’s never come up and he hasn’t dated anybody since high school. On the other, he wasn’t sure what he’d do if it did somehow get brought up. There was still a chance he’d take it a lot worse than he’d want to.
He wondered often what his life would be like if things had been different. If he’d grown a pair and confessed to the sweetest, most genuine boy he’d ever met. The one who found his letter in the bathroom and told him he wanted to help, that he was there for him. Maybe he’d be happy, finally free to be himself, surrounded by good people and doing what he loves. Or maybe something would’ve happened and he would’ve died a young and tragic death. He didn’t know which one was more likely, but he knew which one felt farther away. The same one he wished was true.
Travis was good at looking back on his life and regretting everything he did and everything he never got around to doing. He still wrote and kept a journal, but his entries were a lot shorter and blander than they used to be. He was kind of just a bland guy now. Even his hair, once bright yellow, had become a more natural looking blond after he figured out how to do it properly. The clothes he wore became more muted and predictable. He’s worked at the same place since he graduated; the boring grocery store in the off center of town that people only went to because they had to.
Nothing about Travis was particularly exciting. He lived life day to day, week to week, always the same and never anything extra. He thought about taking a trip somewhere, but it was only an idea in his head. He didn’t realistically think he was ever going to go anywhere despite knowing he had the funds for it. He actually had a good amount of money since he rarely spent it on things he didn’t absolutely need.
He didn’t need a vacation, and his extended family hadn’t asked him to visit, so there wasn’t any reason for him to leave. Travis never needed anything aside from food, clothing, shelter, and a way to provide that for himself. He was grateful for his bare minimum.
Sometimes, though, a push could help. Maybe all Travis really needed is a push to leave, maybe even permanently. He was still young, only 20, and there’s an entire lifetime he has yet to experience waiting for him just outside of Nockfell. He just doesn’t know it yet.