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Himiko doesn't believe in god.
Or, at least, she doesn't think she does. Not the way Angie does. She thinks it's probably Angie underneath all her talk. Angie all the way down.
A handsome god who listens to her and protects her and tells her what to do sounds nice. It is nice. So that's what she believes in.
Angie puts Himiko's head to her chest (soft and comforting and warm and safe) and tells her god said this or that and Himiko nods. Does it matter if god is fake or real or Angie herself?
Everything's easier when she follows along. She doesn't have to think of Akamatsu hanging and the blood that splattered on the floor after the piano cover fell. She doesn't have to think of Amami's hair, soaked in blood and bone. She doesn't have to think of her failed magic show, Hoshi's bones, or Toujou's screams.
She only has to think of Angie, who pets her hair gently and tells her everything she wants to hear. Himiko isn't stupid, she knows she's listening to Angie above anyone and everyone, including herself. But that's the point. Angie is decisive. Angie is soft and sweet. Angie, despite what Chabashira might think, wants the best for everyone.
Angie lets her in her lab more than anyone else. The forming wax sculptures look terrifying, the hands and feet creeping out of the solid blocks like they could become flesh and blood at any moment.
But Angie swoops her aside, hand curled around her shoulder. Monokuma gave them all the same soap and shampoo, but Angie smells good. Maybe it's the wax or paint, seeping into her skin. Maybe it's the godliness Himiko doesn't understand. Maybe it's something uniquely Angie.
Angie isn't touchy-feel-y, except when she is. She has a sense of Himiko, unlike everyone else. She grabs Himiko's face gently, her fingertips firm against Himiko's cheek and assures her that no one else is going to die, that everyone can stay here forever and live in harmony. Her eyes are blue and bright, endless with hope.
Is that true? Himiko hopes so. She's scared and lost and never really amounted to anything besides her magic. Angie believes she can help, can help without needing to break herself into anything else, so Himiko believes in Angie. She's tired. Angie gives her faith. Gives her a reason to do something.
Maybe that's what believing in a god is. Putting her faith in someone else so that they can guide her. Himiko could never find her Master. She could never defeat the forces that held him away from her. She could never defeat something like Monokuma. No matter how much magic she throws around, she's never been able to do anything.
But Angie sits her down in her lab and cracks open the Necronomicon and tells her that they're going to resurrect Amami. And Himiko believes in her. She's never been able to do necromancy, but maybe Angie can.
Chabashira lingers. She lingers in the hallway and at the back of the group and she likes to hiss in Himiko's ear about how Angie is brainwashing her. How the motive is going to get someone killed. How they shouldn't use it, how Himiko should get away.
No one used Monokuma's first motive. No one minded the time limit, Akamatsu killed Amami because she thought he was the mastermind all because he tripped a sensor on a door. Toujou was given the motive in a bow and no one else even looked at their own video. She still doesn't know what was on her own.
And now four people are dead. Himiko is tired, so she never says anything to Chabashira.
What does it matter, she wants to say. What does it matter if we use or it don't, if people keep dying either way. But Himiko's too tired for that. She's too tired to fight and claw and make a fuss. She's too tired to break down into tears or to get too mad or to tell Chabashira, hey, she gets it, but nobody else is doing anything so lay off Angie, please.
But she doesn't. Himiko might be a coward that way, but it's okay. Angie understands. She smiles and cheers, never caring about what Chabashira or what any of the others say.
It's easy, here. She follows Angie. Watches the way the light shines on her hair, lighting it up almost white. Watches the way she moves. She's more animated than Himiko could every dream to be.
Himiko imagines following in her wake forever. She'd be fine with that, she thinks. Fine with staying here in peace with Angie, worrying about nothing at all.
And then Ouma opens the door and all Himiko can see is red. Red, red, red, red.
All over the floor and all over Angie's pretty silver hair. Himiko wants to scream. She wants to pound her fists on the floor and wail. She wants to punch everyone in their stupid faces, because she knows they hates Angie but she didn't, dammit.
What Himiko does instead is feel the tears well in her eyes. Her fists clench. Her throat feels raw all of a sudden, swollen. Like it's holding back a tide. Her voice breaks but she doesn't scream or wail or let out on long shout that everyone anywhere in the Academy and probably beyond could hear.
Himiko holds it in, close to her heart and feels the pain spread like Angie's blood on the ground. She grits her teeth and blankly watches the others mill around.
She can't believe in god, not now, when the closest person to it is dead on the ground.
So when Shinguuji offers the seance, Himiko could never say no, could she?