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____
Prince Arthur is a picture of grief. He’s slumped at his desk; a vacant stare graces his features. Merlin is dead. The man that he trusted more than anyone is dead. Arthur can’t even bear to think of the events surrounding Merlin’s death. It’s been six weeks and he admits that he’s in mourning. He lost his only friend.
None of it registers with his father, not really. Uther doesn’t know why Arthur’s upset and just wishes he would get over it. Uther barges into Arthur’s room and spots him moping, as Uther calls it. Uther's sentences fall with the steady impact of a skilled archer.
“I have work for you. There’s a sorcerer. You must head to Demetia and defeat him. You leave in two days.” With this Uther barrels from the room, like a passing storm. It takes a moment for it to even register with Arthur that he has been visited. Even then, his movements are jerky and automatic, like a marionette blown about by wind.
He does talk to Leon. “I’ve been commanded to find a…” Arthur peters off falling back into a stupor.
Concern flashes in Leon’s eyes. “...sorcerer. I’m aware. Preparations are underway to travel to Demetia. Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, Owain, and myself will accompany you. There will also be the squires and 15 guard troupes.
It is late into the night when Arthur awakes, shivering. He heard something, or he thought he heard something. Maybe he was dreaming, but then he hears it again.
“Wake up you clotpole! Stop ignoring me!”
Arthur scrambles for his sword, slipping slightly in the silk bed sheets. This can’t be happening. Arthur can’t see and is keenly aware of his disadvantage. “What do you want?”
“Why don’t you put the sword down and turn the light on first.”
Reluctantly, Arthur does just that. Merlin’s visage is clear before him. There’s no denying it. He’s there.
There is a transparent quality to Merlin. The light doesn’t entirely stop where he is. It's like looking at fine lace. “What is this? Are you here to kill me?”
Merlin looks offended. “I’ve spent my entire life saving you. Why would I ruin that now?” Merlin pauses, contemplative. “I guess I’m dead.”
“You don’t remember?”
“No, what happened?”
Arthur shakes his head, trying to distance himself from the event. “I can’t… I’m sorry… I can’t talk about it.”
“I understand it’s upsetting, but I deserve to know.”
Arthur understands, he does, but he just can’t. Merlin sighs, “Maybe you can tell me later.” Arthur doesn’t relax, but there is a lessening of tension.
Merlin doesn’t leave and Arthur cannot go back to sleep. He goes to his desk trying to get some work done, but he can’t concentrate. He’s been thinking that instead of trusting that some likeable old man is immediately right about everything because he read it in a book, that maybe they should come up with some system to test a remedy’s efficacy.
The council and his father are against the idea. Arthur had never felt quite right about Gaius' cures ever since he went in with stomach upset, was bled, and then had poop smeared on him. He has since, vehemently denied any ill health or need for treatment. People think he’s being brave. His father keeps telling him how lucky he is to have healthcare. The council just keeps telling him it’s God’s will. Is it really so wrong to try to come up with some method to evaluate remedies?
___
Merlin has been tidying; he’s managed to break two vases and smear ash on the bed curtains. “How is it possible that you’re still so inept as a ghost?”
“It didn’t occur to me that the vase wouldn’t go through the stand.”
“What about the second one?”
Merlin just glares at Arthur.
George comes to wake Arthur. Oddly, or maybe not, George doesn’t acknowledge Merlin’s existence. Arthur wants to ask. He can tell that Merlin wants to ask. Arthur can’t quite bring himself to do it. He tries to convey with his eyes that Merlin should. Merlin just stands there looking gormless.
Once Arthur is dressed, with a detached efficiency that Merlin never quite mastered, George relates today's schedule to Arthur. “Will there be anything else sire?” Arthur exchanges a meaningful look with Merlin. Eventually, Arthur just sighs. “No, carry on.” George absents himself from the room.
“Why didn’t you say something?” Merlin starts in right away.
“Why didn’t you?” It’s annoying how easily Arthur can fall back into bickering with Merlin, even a suspect, ghost Merlin. “If I said something and George couldn’t see it, he’d think I was crazy. I’m not about to have my head drilled into.”
“It’s a respected practice with a long history of use.”
“No disrespect to Gaius, but how does that seem like a good idea to anybody?”
“The Hippocratic Corpus…”
Arthur interrupts the impending lecture, “...is followed too blindly. These methods should be tested.”
Merlin looks genuinely puzzled. “Why? We know it works.”
“How? How do you know it works?”
“A lot of well respected doctors use this method.”
Arthur sighs, he’s been doing that a lot, "ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα.”
Merlin just sticks out his tongue.
“Really mature, Merlin.”
___
Most of the day is spent trying to work ahead in anticipation of Arthur’s impending absence. He actually has little to do with the preparations for departure. Servants and workers are running around like crazy. You get a real feel for how much has been allowed to slide once the prince was called upon to lead a retinue. Horses that needed shoeing, an insufficiency of arrows, armour and weapons not maintained, were just some of the problems that always cropped up. Arthur wonders if two days are enough.
___
“Are you just going to keep following me?” Arthur feels a combination of exasperation, guilt, and fear.
“It’s what I did while alive.”
It’s very difficult to ignore Merlin and Arthur is sure that he’s received a few doubtful glances. Even so Arthur is not about to go to Gaius.
“I really think you should go to Gaius. He might know what’s going on.” Merlin continues to urge.
“Why, because he read it in a book?”
“Yes, Gaius has one of the most impressive collections of books I’ve ever seen.”
“Seen a lot of those in Ealdor.” It’s a petty thing to say and Arthur regrets it almost immediately. Merlin is just so good at getting under his skin.
“I’m not saying learning should be dismissed, but it shouldn’t be trusted blindly either. If these things are so good, they will stand up under testing.”
“Gaius won’t trepanate you, probably. Just go to him Arthur!”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m the prince and you’re my…”
“...servant. Arthur, I’m still your servant.”
“...’til the day you die.”
It turns out ghosts can cry. Prince’s can too.
___
The party left with the usual commotion. There was always the din of people and animals milling about. There was also the smell. Cities always had a smell of refuse and, let’s face it, raw sewage. There was also just the general smell of animals and people. The smell permeated the area, but people were used to it. There were flies and gnats buzzing around. There were also people seeing loved ones off. Arthur’s father was not there.
They head off without incident. Leon had briefed Arthur on the details. Apparently ice flowers were found floating down a river. “They were a bit like lily pads, but were completely frozen.” Arthur had turned to both Geoffrey and Gaius for any possible explanations. Merlin continued to urge him to discuss his visions of Merlin with Gaius. Arthur looked at several books, but the most he got was that they were ill omens.
After some time of riding, Arthur asks Merlin, “Why only me?”
“What?” Merlin responds absentmindedly.
“Why are you only hovering around me?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t think I can go anywhere else.”
“Have you tried?”
That’s when Arthur’s horse trips and the prince quickly brings it to a stop and dismounts.
He checks the horse’s legs quickly. The area around one of the fetlocks is swollen. One of the soldiers will slowly walk the horse back. Arthur is supplied with a replacement mount. The horses still outnumber the men, but it doesn’t bode well for this adventure.
___
They stopped in a clearing by a brook. The party weren’t in any particular hurry, so they took their time over lunch.
Merlin was trying to snatch the prince’s sausage. Okay, that didn’t sound right, but it was still true. Arthur watches Merlin’s hand go through the sausage in befuddlement. “How is it that you sometimes float, but sometimes stand flat on the ground?”
Merlin cocks his head to the side in an almost birdlike movement. “I don’t know; I never thought about it.”
“In fact, I know you can hold things, because you were tidying my room.”
“I don’t think it works when I think about it.”
When Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, Owain, and Leon stop for the night, Merlin notices how subdued they are. Gwaine especially seems almost broken. “What is wrong with everyone?”
The knights notice Arthur mumbling to himself, but don’t say anything. “What do you mean?”
“The mood is positively dour. Nobody’s chatting. Where’s the friendly ribaldry?”
“Merlin, they’re all grieving. They all have lost a friend.”
That brings Merlin up short as he surveys his friends.
_____
A tree branch catches at Gwaine's hair. He proceeds to swat at it. “My ring!” Gwaine just barely manages to rescue his ring.
Elyan laughs at the spectacle. “What’s the big deal? You might as well lose it to the woods as to gambling.”
“I’ll have you know this is a homing ring.”
“What do you mean, ‘a homing ring?’”
“My father gave this ring to me when I was seventeen. When I had nineteen summers, I gave it to a blond lass that I had fallen in love with. She left when I was twenty-one and took the ring with her. Five years later, I’d taken up with a raven-haired youth of nineteen. He gifted me this very ring. After such a journey, I won’t dare lose this ring again.”
“It looks quite ordinary to me.” Elyan proclaims in a bored drawl.
Gwaine proceeds to try and swat at Elyan.
“That’s enough of that. You’ll startle the horses.” Arthur admonishes.
“It’s a nice silver ring.” Owain says consolingly.
After pushing on for a bit, the afternoon melts into evening. The katydids sing in the evening and Arthur gives the signal to halt. They’re in no hurry.
Merlin looks around puzzled. “What’s happening?”
“We’re stopping for the night. Make camp.” Arthur commands.
“You should have just said so.” Merlin grumbles.
“Everyone else recognizes the hand signals.”
“I’ll take first watch.” Elyan volunteers.
“I can do it.” Percy offers, kindly.
“Naw, thanks, but I won’t be able to sleep anyway.”
“Why not?”
“It feels eerie or something. There’s just this off feeling, like you expect a ghost to jump out at you.”
Arthur glances at Merlin, who’s looking around thoughtfully.
“I’ve seen a ghost before.” Owain mentions. “I was heading back to Camelot, but had gotten lost. I saw this traveler and I stopped him to ask for directions. He walked with me until I knew where I was. We were chatting the entire time. When I recognized where I was I turned to thank him, but he wasn’t there.”
“Couldn’t he have just run away?” Leon wondered.
“No, I would have heard him. Plus the area around was wide open and we had just been talking.”
Percy nods seriously. “I once had a conversation with my parents about my life and plans and whether I was ever going to marry. It felt so natural and for some reason it didn’t register until later that it was the one year anniversary of their deaths.”
“I once had sex with a ghost.” Gwaine offers cheekily.
“Shut up, you did not.” Elyan pushes Gwaine sideways.
“Swear to Taranis I did. There was this woman on a bridge. She looked so tragic, I just started flirting, trying to cheer her up. She wouldn’t tell me what upset her. She did tell me all about her son and how proud she was of him.”
“Wait, was she married?” Owain asks disapprovingly.
“That’s what bothers you?” Elyan exclaims.
“Seriously, later I was talking to this old man. He tells me that that sounds like his mother and when he tells me his mother’s name, it’s the same. She died 50 years ago.”
“I call bullshit.” Elyan refuses to believe that one.
“Have you ever seen a ghost?” Percy asks the prince.
Arthur glances at Merlin. “No. Never.” Arthur’s response is stilted and abrupt. Merlin looks hurt, but Arthur tries to ignore that.
Bedrolls don’t really do much against the bumpy, hard ground. Plus, no matter how thoroughly you clear the area, there is always some stone or twig that will jab you. Bugs and debris always make their way in despite the overwhelming smell of the herbs meant to drive them away. There’s the cacophony of all the others slumbering. The sound of which could drown out Camelot's full marching band. Moreover, you’re always either sweltering or freezing. Sleeping outside is nowhere near as romantic as people make it sound.
Add to this the aches and pains of a day spent riding in armor and it is only pure exhaustion that makes sleep at all possible. The prince was just on that edge towards sleep, when Merlin started talking.
“I saw a ghost once.”
“Really Merlin!?” Is there any point in throwing something at a ghost?
“Yes, really.” Merlin is nodding his head excitedly.
Was Merlin being obtuse deliberately? “What, did you look in a mirror?” Maybe he’ll throw something at Merlin anyway.
Merlin’s eyes go wide. “How did you know?”
“Know what?” Arthur’s hand is grasping around trying to find something to throw.
“I was cleaning your chambers when I saw the image of a young boy reflected in the mirror. I spun around to look at him directly, but there was nobody there.” Merlin gushes excitedly.
“Damn.” Arthur’s hand gives up the search as he realizes there's nothing nearby that he can throw at his servant.
“I know, right! It scared the life out of me.”
In frustration Arthur fumes, “Why don’t you just go to sleep?”
Some of the cacophony abates and Elyan tentatively asks, “Sire? Is there something I can do for you?”
The prince flushes and clears his throat. “Um, yeah, yes. Why don’t you just go to sleep. I’ll take over the watch.”
Elyan looks genuinely concerned. “Are you sure? I think you might need the sleep.”
Percival snorts trying to suppress a guffaw.
Arthur is not amused. “Yes I’m sure.”
Arthur goes to take the watch. Merlin follows him. Merlin tries to talk to him, but the prince studiously ignores him.
Merlin is in a full on sulk when he says, “I can’t, you know.”
Arthur looks at his manservant despite himself.
“Sleep, that is. Apparently ghosts don’t sleep.”
Arthur can’t help himself. “Then what have you been doing while I sleep?”
“Not much really. Testing out what I can do as a ghost. Watching you sleep.”
Arthur startles, “That’s really creepy.”
“I’m just trying to figure out the limits of my abilities.”
“No, the watching me sleep.”
“Well, you’re not very entertaining.”
“Entert…It’s not meant to be entertaining. My sleep is not a spectator sport.”
Merlin nods agreeably, “No, it’s a specter sport.”
“You are an evil ghost sent to haunt me and drive me insane.”
“I’m not evil.” Merlin seems genuinely hurt. “I might be vengeful, but that’s not the same thing.”
Arthur won’t apologize. The truth is, he’s lost the right to apologize.
___
That morning, as they prepare to make way. Arthur notices quiet murmuring amidst the troops that ceases as soon as they catch sight of him. He pulls up to Leon and three people scatter to look busy. Arthur watches them trip over themselves in their haste. He is oddly reminded of Merlin. Ghost Merlin doesn’t trip. It’s weird that he misses that.
“So, Leon, how bad is it?”
Leon can be, and often is, politic. He can also be relied on to be discreet. He’s a courtier, born and raised, but unlike many, he can be honest. “They’re talking, I won’t deny it. Sire, they’re just concerned with the way you’ve been acting lately. Looking at and talking to air, it worries them. They don’t doubt you and would follow you to the moon if you asked. They’re mostly just worried about you. Sire, I’m worried too. Is there anything that I can do?”
Arthur sighs, shakes his head no, almost involuntarily. It’s not a denial, more like he’s trying to distance himself from what he’s about to say. “It’s Merlin.”
“You miss him?”
“No. I see him. He haunts me.” Arthur gestures next to them, where he can clearly see Merlin. Leon looks in the general direction, but his eyes never fix on Merlin. Yet the height is correct, probably from muscle memory.
“I am sorry, Arthur.”
“You believe me?”
“I believe you see him. Whether I believe his ghost is haunting you, I can’t deny the possibility. I’ve seen too many wondrous things to rule it out.”
“Do you want to talk with him?”
“I loved him. He was a very dear friend, but I have nothing to say to him. I made my decision; I follow you, Arthur.” With that, Leon went to ready his horse.
___
The birds are chatty and are taking flight in a pattern approaching Prince Arthur and his retinue. Arthur knows, the very forest tells him. “Bandits!”
Everyone gets in formation and readies for battle. They don't have long to wait. The way Arthur’s party is ranged, they can’t effectively be surrounded. The archers had even managed to take to the trees. They’re outnumbered two to one, but Arthur’s people still have the clear advantage.
That doesn’t stop an arrow from flying at Arthur. Nor does it stop Arthur from raising his hand uselessly. Merlin’s eyes glow and the arrow halts its course. It turns and then strikes the one who released it. This is familiar, though it doesn’t seem like it should be. They still struggle with the bandits, but Arthur can tell his men are affected. The prince realizes that it looks like he was the one to control the arrow.
The bandits are overwhelmingly defeated. Some of the bandits have been taken prisoner. That’s not really the issue. The knights are loyal to Arthur, the soldiers too. Just how loyal, remains to be seen. “Today you witnessed magic. I can only say that I was not the one doing it.”
“We saw you.” One of the troops speaks out.
“It was not I. I give you my word.”
There is tension and Arthur sees the doubt. Right now it is more important to tend to the wounded and the dead.
___
Arthur is on the other side of a tree, for reasons, when he overhears some of the soldiers talking:
soldier 1, “It had to have been him; we all saw him.”
soldier 2, “Plus, he’s always been a little soft on magic. We’ve all heard him arguing with the king.”
soldier 3, “The king’s mad anyway.”
soldier 2, “Ssshhh, that’s treason.”
soldier 4, “I don’t care if it is magic. Prince Arthur is the one who is always there with us, risking his life.”
soldier 1, “Plus he’s commander of the knights. They’re loyal to him.”
soldier 4, “Yeah, the prince is the future. There’s no telling how much longer Uther will be the king.”
soldier 3, “Maybe he didn’t do it?”
soldier 1, “We all saw him.”
That was all that Arthur heard. He vacated himself from the area so as not to be seen by the chatty soldiers. There were many emotions swirling around in him. Mostly, he felt despair and guilt.
___
Gwaine grabs some mushrooms off a tree as he passes it.
Leon looks on, concerned, “You’re not going to eat those, are you?”
"They're wood ears; they’re good for soup.”
“You are not putting those in our soup.”
“Wood ears are good in soup.” Elyan pipes up.
“Are you sure those are even wood ears?” Leon worries.
“Well, they’re not stinkhorns.”
Elyan sidles his horse by Gwaine. “They’re wood ears.”
“You two can eat those if you want, but they’re not going in our soup.”
“Typical noble, knows nothing about survival.” grumbles Gwaine.
That evening, they set up camp, Leon keeping Gwaine and his dubious mushrooms at bay. Gwaine and Elyan make their own soup. The sun is setting as some of the camp are eating soup with mushrooms, while the rest go mushroom free. Arthur looks up to see the setting sun shining through Merlin. There are gasps from around the camp. Arthur looks around and it becomes clear the rest can see him.
“Sorcerer!” several shout. There is the sound of swords being drawn. Arthur’s frozen, he knows he must make a decision, but he’s torn. Merlin is still semi-transparent. It’s likely that swords would just go through him. “Put those away. Calm down. Merlin has been haunting me for awhile. Your weapons won’t work on him anyway.”
“You killed him!” screams Gwaine, “He’s obviously come back for revenge.”
Merlin turns to Arthur, “What…you…” but it’s all coming back to him. Arthur catching him cleaning the royal chambers with magic. Arthur running him through with a sword. Bleeding to death as Arthur looks on horrified. Tears stream down Merlin’s face. He can’t even process the level of betrayal he feels.
___
“You killed me.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You need to ask?”
“I’m your friend. I’ve been loyal to you. I’ve risked my life for you.”
“You’re a sorcerer. Magic is illegal. You lied to me.”
Merlin looks at the others. He looks at Gwaine with his sword drawn.
“Are you going to kill me?”
Gwaine sheathes his sword. “Not much point, is there?”
“Are you all against me?”
Gwaine, “I was never truly against you. I’m sorry Merlin. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you.”
Percy glances at Arthur then looks back to Merlin. “Lance could never forgive Arthur for what he did. He left; I almost left with him. Maybe I should have. I’m sorry, Merlin.”
Leon is calm when he says, “I follow Arthur, no matter what.”
“As do I.” Owain adds.
Elyan looks guilty. “You mean the world to Gwen, but we’re not that close. I pledged my loyalty to Arthur, but I do not hate you.”
Merlin looks back to Arthur. “After you killed me, what did you do?”
“I reported to my father. He had you burned at the stake.”
“After I was dead?”
“He wanted to be sure.”
“You let him.”
“Would there have been any point in stopping him?”
“I never thought that I could hate you.”
“Neither did I.”
Merlin tries to move away. He tries to move away from Arthur. It’s an epic fail, so he just lurks by Gwaine and Percy. They look guilty, but are glad for Merlin’s company.
___
The party continues to travel when Percy catches sight of it. “Look, a white rainbow.”
“You mean a ghost rainbow.” Elyan points out.
“Are they supposed to be a sign of good or bad fortune?” Percy wonders.
“Neither, they don’t mean anything.” Arthur asserts. Merlin’s drifting along slightly behind Arthur.
The fog comes up around them before they even realize it. Sound becomes muffled as the fog blankets them. Leon looks around, concerned. “Sire, we should probably halt. I fear we’ll lose our way.”
Leon’s voice seems detached from his body. Arthur scans around and admits, if only to himself, that he can’t find his way. “Alright, let’s set up camp.”
The dampness of the fog clung with a creeping chill that worked its way into the soul. Surrounded by it, even the most warm-hearted person grew cold.
While setting up camp, Owain was wandering about the camp, looking through everything and getting in the way. When Owain started rummaging around Leon’s bedding, Leon snapped, “Enough! What are you doing? I had that all arranged.”
“I lost a silver coin somewhere.”
Gwaine chimed in, “You’ve 99 silver coins here.”
“Stay out of my bag. Anyway, there are supposed to be an even hundred. I always pack an even hundred.”
“What does one coin matter more or less?”
“It matters to me.”
Gwaine doesn’t really get it, but he begins to help Owain search. Several others get caught up in the fruitless search. Merlin tries to help as well. Leon looks so put upon, that Arthur has to work to refrain from laughing.
‐–
During the night the fog thickened. Leon worries, “What are we going to do, sire?”
“We can’t go on in this. The most important thing is to keep the fire alive.”
“We’ll have to collect more wood.” Interjects Percival, who is minding the fire.
Merlin coughs.
“Merlin, what is it?” Arthur asks.
“I can keep the fire burning and gather logs.”
“With magic?” Arthur’s tone is neutral.
Merlin just gives Arthur a look.
Oddly enough, Arthur has missed being treated like he’s an idiot.
“Please, Merlin, please keep the fire alive, if not for me, then for my men. I haven’t the right to forgiveness, but I’m sorry. Please don’t let your anger at me be the reason that my men are lost.”
The camp goes still and silent.
“Arthur, if you think that I would let these people die, then you have never known me.”
“I don’t know you, and because I killed you, I thought that I had lost the chance to ever know you.”
“Maybe you have, because I’m not sure I want to know you anymore, but I won’t let anyone die. Still, you seem to have changed your mind drastically after stabbing and cremating me.”
“After you died, I had a lot of time to think. I also had a lot of time to talk to everyone who knows you. I behaved like a violent mindless animal. Attacking like a bear, rather than reasoning like a man. I never realized just how vital you are to me and my people. I’m sorry.”
Merlin keeps the fire burning, driving back some of the fog from around the camp. Eventually, they attacked, mercenaries that were hiding in the enchanted fog. One slices at Merlin and Arthur can only intercept the stroke with his body. He is wounded, but not before taking down Merlin’s attacker.
The mercenaries are defeated, but Arthur lies wounded. Merlin goes to him and heals him. “Clotpole, they could not hurt me. Their swords would just go through me. What a senseless risk.”
“I will not see you stabbed again.”
“Oh, so only you are allowed to stab me?”
“Merlin, I…”
“No, don’t.” Merlin walks away.
Owain looks about, “I think the fog isn’t as thick.”
Gwaine is staring at Merlin, “Merlin! You're solid!”
Gwaine runs up to Merlin and envelops him into a hug. Percy, Elyan, all of the knights, even Leon take turns hugging him. Arthur approaches cautiously,
“I’m glad you’re back.”
Tears flow freely down Merlin's face.