Archive of Our Own

Casper just wanted out of London. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans. And he couldn’t even blame London, instead, it was the weather back home that had cancelled all the flights in until at least tomorrow. Casper wanted out so badly that he found himself considering other transportation options, even if they were incredibly impractical.

All that meant was that he had another day in the city after his disappointing second-round loss at Wimbledon. He guessed that it shouldn't really be called disappointing, given his general record at the tournament and his own low expectation on grass, but it still grated.

Needing to get out of his hotel room, he considered heading for the practice courts just for something to do. But, he didn’t really want to be around other tennis players, so he vetoed that option. And the same reason he vetoed the hotel gym, knowing just how many players were staying in the same hotel and could be inside.

After a little bit of searching, he managed to find a gym nearby that offered visitor passes. Deciding that that was his best option for burning off some of his restless energy, Casper put his headphones on and headed out.

Thankfully, the gym front desk was well prepared for guests and they easily signed him in and let him into the gym proper. He only needed to sign the paperwork in two places, much to Casper’s relief. Given the weird mood he was in, he hadn’t wanted to stand around for ages dealing with paperwork.

Being the middle of a workday, the gym was less than half full. No one seemed to immediately recognise Casper and he was left to his own devices. He could just turn his music up a little louder to block out the inoffensive pop playing through the gym speakers and start to warm up.

Having played four sets the day before and being mid-season, Casper wasn’t embarking on a full workout. Just enough to get his muscles moving and hopefully relax his mind. However, he knew how important his body was and that started with a proper warm-up.

As he did, his eyes drifted across the gym, watching everyone else. Most of them were uninteresting to Casper, until his eyes landed on the man off to his right.

He looked to be maybe a little younger than Casper and a little taller. His face was at the wrong angle for Casper to get a full look, but the line of the jaw he could see was attractive. And that was before Casper thought about the flexing muscles in his thighs as he worked. Casper continued to watch him work, balanced on one leg, squatting with it as the other stretched out behind him. And just to make what looked to be a difficult exercise even more difficult, he was holding a heavy-looking weight.

The man was hot, Casper had immediately known that when he’d first looked at him. But, the control of his movements and the way he worked was something Casper was not expecting to find as attractive as he was. Thankfully, the stranger was focused on his own workout and hadn’t noticed Casper’s staring.

Not wanting to get caught staring, Casper forced himself to focus on his own workout. Unfortunately, it was only so engaging and he kept finding himself glancing towards the stranger. Each time, he was doing something that required an impressive level of strength and flexibility. And none of which Casper thought that he could do.

Casper had just finished a squat set when he glanced back towards the stranger. He appeared to have finished his workout as he was sitting on the floor in the splits, leaning forward to rest on his elbows as he scrolled on his phone with his right hand. It gave Casper the perfect view of his tanned thighs as he lay there on the floor.

And then, the worst thing happened. The stranger looked up from his phone and met Casper’s eye. Before Casper could look away in panic, the man smirked at Casper, like he knew exactly why Casper was looking at him. Casper had never felt so embarrassed and he was sure that his cheeks were bright red.

Needing to not be staring at him, Casper looked away, pretending to be reading something on his phone. He could still feel the weight of the stranger’s eyes on him and under the circumstances, he couldn’t start his next set. Instead, he kept looking down at his phone until he didn’t think he was being watched anymore. Sparing one quick glance up, he found the stranger still sitting in the splits but now looking back down at his phone.

Feeling slightly relieved, Casper refocused on his workout. He caught himself lifting his head to look at the stranger repeatedly, but each time he noticed in time to look elsewhere.

He’d just put the weight down when he heard footsteps approaching him and then white shoes appeared in his field of vision. Glancing up, he found himself meeting the stranger’s eye again, even if he had to raise his head slightly to actually meet them.

“You’re hot too,” the stranger commented. Casper was too hung up on his use of the word too, like he could read Casper’s mind, to fully place the vaguely familiar accent hanging over his words.

“Thanks,” Casper stammered, unsure what else to say.

“You just visiting the city?” he asked.

Casper was suddenly relieved that he didn’t appear to recognise him, “Leaving tomorrow, hopefully.” Despite him not asking, Casper was ready to completely spill the story of cancelled flights and terrible weather. He almost had to physically bite his tongue to stop it from coming out.

“You got some free time to fit something in.”

Casper wasn’t an idiot, he picked up the meaning. And it wished that he could say yes. The stranger was hot and Casper would love to go home with him, even just for a few hours. But, that wasn’t Casper. He wasn’t one for casual sex, especially not with strangers when he didn’t even know their name.

“No, sorry,” Casper apologised, feeling genuinely sad.

The stranger looked disappointed but seemed to shrug it off, “Maybe another time, will you be back?”

“Sometime,” Casper gave him, not being willing to spill his schedule to the stranger, hoping to keep the anonymity.

“Disappointing,” the stranger commented.

Before Casper could think of anything to say, the stranger walked off. Casper opened his mouth to call after him, but nothing came out as he realised he didn’t even know the man’s name. It was easier to just let him go and let the chance slip out of his hands. He did watch the man go until he was out of Casper’s sight.

It took more effort than it should have for Casper to resume his workout. He found himself skipping through a few exercises he’d planned on doing. He was still feeling restless, but it was a different restlessness than before. And suddenly, he didn’t really want to be in the gym anymore. Still, he forced himself to be somewhat disciplined and do a couple more sets and then properly cool down.

He caught himself glancing around a few times, always looking for the same stranger and coming up disappointingly empty-handed, even if he rationally knew that the stranger had left. There were still several other people around, but none of them drew Casper’s attention in the same way.

Eventually, he finished his workout and after a quick shower, Casper headed out, unsure if his gym visit was ultimately successful. At minimum, it had wasted some time and it was closer to tomorrow and being able to leave the city.

He found himself thinking about the stranger for the rest of the day. Or more accurately, thinking about his body. It had been a while since Casper had last seen someone Casper felt such strong instant attraction to. He saw hot people all the time, but there was something even stronger about the stranger. Everything about him was just exactly to Casper’s taste.

Now, Casper really wished that he had at least asked the man’s name so that he wasn’t continuing to refer to him as the stranger in his mind. Maybe not knowing it would at least help Casper forget about the man. He had no way of even beginning to search for the man again. All he could do was move on since he was never going to see him again.

Unfortunately, while his flight the next day did leave on time and he finally managed to escape the city, he had plenty of time sitting around with not much to do. And the only thing occupying his mind was the stranger from the gym. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw him exercising in his mind, flexing his muscles. No matter what he tried to do, he just couldn’t escape.

Maybe it was a sign that it had been too long since he’d last slept with someone. Maybe Casper should have taken the opportunity for something casual when it was offered to him. But, he couldn’t bring himself to fully regret turning down the offer the day before. He knew that he was scared, but he had to be. He didn’t want to be out right now, and while the stranger had read Casper well enough to get that Casper was interested in him, it was nothing that could actually be held against Casper.

Slowly, as the days ticked on, Casper finally thought about the stranger less and less. Every once in a while, he’d catch himself daydreaming and the stranger, but each time, he’d stop himself and force himself to think about anything else. It was a nice daydream, but that was it. It was just a daydream. He’d missed his chance with the stranger, and he still didn’t fully know if he regretted that decision.

He shouldn’t. He knew why he couldn’t afford it. And he didn’t regret it. But, there was a reason that he couldn’t stop thinking about the man. And maybe he wished that he could have had that one night with him, just to get to experience that. Maybe he shouldn’t be so scared, but it just came to the feeling that he couldn’t afford to not be. Not yet.

Casper was home and enjoying a day off. It had been a brutal few months of travel and even longer since he’d had more than a couple of days at home. His body was completely exhausted and he was ready for the reason to be over, even if there was still another month left. So, today, he was making the most of having nothing to do and nowhere to go. He could just lie on the couch all day and relax for the first time in a while.

That plan was interrupted by Caro slinking into the room with a dangerous look on her face.

“Any plans this evening?” she asked, settling into the armchair.

Casper sat up slightly to look at her better, “Why?” he asked, unable to keep the scepticism out of his voice, knowing that there was more coming.

“I have tickets to the ballet tonight and my friend who was meant to come with me had to cancel.”

Casper could see where this was going and he wasn’t sure he was a fan, “And?”

“Can you come with me?”

“Why can’t you go alone?”

“It’s not the same,” Caro practically pouted, “Please.”

Eventually, Casper gave in. And then immediately regretted his decision when he found out that this was something he was expected to dress up for. But, Caro was not talking no for an answer, especially now that he’d said yes once and he decided it wasn’t worth arguing.

“What is the ballet about?” Casper asked as they headed to the theatre. He figured it wouldn’t mean all that much to him, but that he should go in knowing something.

“It’s an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.”

At least that was something that Casper vaguely understood, even if he’d never heard of it in dance form. Hopefully, that would help him when it came to watching the performance.

There were already a lot of people in the foyer of the theatre when they arrived. Casper let Caro lead him in the direction of their seats before the usher showed them to the exact place. With lights still on, Casper studied the space as he settled in. He’d never been inside before, never had a reason to and even if it wasn’t usually his thing, the ornate details all around were intriguing. Beside him, Caro was paging through some sort of book, but Casper ignored that in favour of just watching everyone around them.

Eventually, the lights dimmed and the theatre descended into silence. Casper didn’t know what to expect, but he sat up in interest as the music started and the first dancer appeared on the stage. He found himself immediately intrigued by the movement and grace, even if he didn’t fully understand the details.

He was caught up in all the dancers on the stage, so it was only when it came to a smaller scene with fewer moving people and Casper could focus on the lead dancers, that he realised something he’d somehow completely missed.

He didn’t know much about what was considered a good seat for watching ballet, but they had to be in good seats, close enough to the stage that Casper could get a good look at the dancers’ faces. Which made it all the more shocking that he’d somehow missed that the lead dancer was the same dancer from the London gym months earlier.

Now that Casper knew that, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the man. Every time he was on stage, Casper was watching him. If the way that he’d moved in the gym had drawn Casper’s attention, seeing him on stage was even more captivating. Everything he did just looked perfect to Casper’s admittedly untrained eye.

Casper was so drawn in that he barely noticed time passing. Suddenly, the music stopped and the curtains closed.

“Is it over already?” Casper whispered to Caro as conversation started up around them.

“It’s just the first intermission,” Caro informed him, “There’s still another two acts left.”

Casper was relieved, not ready for it to end yet, “Oh.”

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Caro said, standing up, “You want anything to snack on?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

She nodded and slipped past him, quickly disappearing into the crowd of people. Unsure what to do, or how long the intermission would last, Casper settled back into his seat, having been leaning forward for most of the first part. As he did, he caught sight of some paper sitting under Caro’s empty seat.

Reaching out to grab it, he found it was the booklet she’d been flipping through earlier. With nothing else to do, and feeling weird about being on his phone, Casper opened it and started to read.

Once he realised exactly what it was, some sort of book about the performance, Casper flipped through, stopping when he came to the pages listing the performing dancers.

And there, right near the top, was a photo of the man portraying Romeo.

Casper hadn’t been uncertain that it was the same man, but seeing the photo, he definitely wasn’t. It was the same man from the gym. And now Casper knew that his name was Holger Rune.

There was a short blurb underneath of accomplishments, but unfortunately, the magnitude didn’t translate for Casper. He was sure that whatever they meant, they were impressive.

Eventually, Caro returned and soon after the lights dimmed again and Casper was immediately pulled back in, mostly to Holger and his performance. He still couldn’t take his eyes off him. It seemed that all too soon it came to an end and the dancers were taking their final bows. Casper easily rose to his feet with the rest of the audience to give them a standing ovation, even if he mostly meant his cheers for Holger.

He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want it to fully be over, but he had no choice. The curtains were drawn closed for a final time and the performance came to a complete end. There was nothing more for Casper to see. All he could do was follow Caro out of the theatre, along with everyone else.

The drive back home was quiet, Casper too wrapped up in his thoughts for conversation. All he could see in his mind was Holger, like Casper was still watching him on stage. There was no room for anything else.

He did catch Caro glancing his way a couple of times, but she never actually said anything. Casper was almost certain she’d picked up on his weird behaviour, but was relieved at not having to explain himself. He wasn’t necessarily ashamed, but he wasn’t prepared to tell anyone either.

It was only when they did get home that she spoke, “Did you have a good time?”

“I did,” Casper confirmed.

Caro smiled, “Thank you for coming with me.”

Casper nodded. He very much did not regret his decision to come, but he wasn’t willing to commit to going with her again. He didn’t know if he’d enjoyed it purely because of Holger or if he also happened to like ballet more than he expected. And he wasn’t sure he really wanted to investigate that. Right now, the only way he could see himself going to the ballet again was to see Holger perform. And voicing that would open up a world of questions Casper was currently unprepared to answer.

It was only when Casper was safely alone did he search Holger’s name. The first few results were articles he skipped over, including one about the show he just watched, instead clicking on Holger’s Instagram. He knew that he shouldn’t if he wanted to return to getting over him, but he couldn’t help himself.
And then he was faced with the reality of the most recent post. Holger on stage, mid turn. Casper’s eyes immediately landed on the straining muscles in his thighs and he stared at the photo far longer than he should have.

Once he’d gotten over it, he started to scroll back through Holger’s posts. And there were plenty of them. A nice mix of performance photos, ones from what Casper was assuming to be a dance studio and then unrelated to dance ones with the odd video sprinkled in as well. With each one, Casper found himself pausing as he stared at Holger before scrolling to the next one and repeating the process. The videos were even worse, especially if Holger was dancing. Casper might not understand all of the technical details, but he could watch Holger dance forever.

Given how frequently Holger posted, it took a while before Casper got back to around the time he met Holger in London. He didn’t fully comprehend Holger’s movements, but it looked like Holger had been living there for at least a couple of months. Casper was assuming something dance-related, but he didn’t know. There were even two different photos of Holger in the same gym that Casper had met him in, thankfully not from the day Casper was there, at least.

Slowly, Holger got younger and younger. There was still plenty of dancing, in fact, even more. If Casper were more knowledgeable on dance, he could probably see the reverse of Holger’s technique develop as he scrolled back in time, but to him, a lot of it all looked the same. To a dancer, that would probably sound ridiculous.

Eventually, he got to the end. Holger’s very first post was one of him turning in the dance studio at 12. As Casper watched, he could see how Holger had developed physically in the last decade. The muscles he was so captivated by weren’t quite there yet.

Closing the photo, Casper returned to the top. He found his finger hovering over the follow button and he forced himself to close it down before it did so. Even though following him wouldn’t actually mean anything, it felt like it would mean more than that.

Having been so wrapped up in Holger’s Instagram, it was now later than Casper would normally go to bed. He found himself rushing through his nightly routine and forcing himself to close his eyes as soon as he lay down in bed. When he did, the music from the ballet filled his mind and Holger started dancing. And that was how Casper drifted off to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, Casper found himself returning to Holger’s Instagram over and over. He’d never watch the stories or follow him, not wanting any evidence of his presence, but he’d see everything Holger posted. As the Romeo and Juliet performances came to an end, so did the related posts and more appeared of him in the studio working. Casper knew that social media wasn’t always the truth, but he could appreciate the dedication.

And then there was a post of upcoming performance dates. And that was something Casper thought long and hard about.

His season would be over before the first performance. He’d be home and could make any of the dates listed. He just didn’t know if he should.

At this point, he’d sort of accepted that he’d never truly get over Holger and forgot about him. He wasn’t trying that hard at this point, but there was something about Holger that he just couldn’t let go of. Even if he couldn’t actually have Holger in the way he’d love to. Going to another performance was truly admitting that.

If he did go, and he still didn’t know whether he should or would, the next question was if he should go alone. If he asked, he was sure that Caro would come with him. But, that would open him up to a lot of questions. So far, he hadn’t told anyone about Holger and he wasn’t planning to. Unfortunately, that would change if he invited her to come along with him. He could go alone, he just didn’t know if he liked that option anymore.

He thought about it. He thought about it for weeks. Before eventually finding a moment alone with Caro, not wanting anyone else in the family to overhear what he was about to ask.

“Would you like to come to the ballet with me?” he summoned the courage to ask.

There was a long pause, before Caro answered, “I do. But why do you want to go?”

Casper could have lied. He could have told her that he’d developed a love for it after she’d dragged him alone, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He finally felt ready to tell someone about Holger. And now that he’d made that decision, he couldn’t bring himself to lie.

The worst thing was that he couldn’t tell Caro about Holger without telling her about their first meeting, and something about that felt ever so slightly embarrassing. He didn’t know exactly why, but his cheeks blushed as he told her about his interaction with Holger in the gym and before she could ask any questions, Casper sped on to his realisation back at the ballet that Romeo was portrayed by the same man.

“He must be hot for you to want to see him again like this,” Caro smirked once Casper was done.

Casper knew that he couldn’t lie about that, his cheeks too warm for any lie to not be immediately called out, “He’s pretty hot.”

Caro laughed at his embarrassment, “When are we going to the ballet?”

Casper was so thankful that she agreed with minimal teasing. The fact that Casper plugged his credit card details into the payment system probably helped her easily agree, even if it had been a bit of effort to find a date that they could do and that Holger had marked down on his Instagram as his bigger roles. The tickets weren’t wildly expensive or anything, but Casper wasn’t spending the money to barely see Holger dance.

On the night of their tickets, Casper found his hands shaking slightly as he dressed. It was so stupid. It wasn’t like he was going to actually see Holger and he certainly wasn’t going to talk to him. All he was going to do was sit in the dark theatre and watch him dance. There was no reason to be nervous. But, he couldn’t convince his nerves of that or force his hands to calm down.

Thankfully, no one was around to notice and he managed to get himself slightly under control before he met up with Caro.

Trusting Caro’s judgement, he’d booked their seats based on her recommendation. When the usher showed them to the seats, he found them sitting ever slightly closer than last time, still with a truly excellent view of the stage, and once the curtains lifted, the dancers.

As they waited for the lights to dim, Caro paged through the booklet she’d once again grabbed. When it came to the first page of dancers, her finger ran across the paper, “This one?” she asked, finger resting under Holger’s picture.

“Yes.”

She studied the photo and the few words underneath, “I see it.”

In Casper’s opinion, Holger’s professional headshot wasn’t his best look, even if it did show off his jaw.

“He’s good,” she commented when Casper didn’t respond. It wasn’t a question, but Casper didn’t know if her assessment was based on the booklet’s descriptor or something else. Whatever it was, Casper agreed, even if he still didn’t know much about ballet.

Before Caro could say anything more, the lights finally dimmed, the curtains opened and Casper was sucked back into the world of ballet.

Just like last time, Casper’s attention was drawn to Holger any time he was on stage. He tried to appreciate everyone else and the story being told, but he wasn’t particularly successful, preferring to just watch Holger.

Also, just like last time, it flew by. Before Casper knew it, the dancers were taking their final bows and Casper hated that it was already over. Honestly, he could just watch Holger for hours and hours, but that time had already come to an end.

Casper didn’t move from his seat, apart from the final standing ovation, until the curtain had closed and the dancers definitely weren’t coming back. He hadn’t wanted to give up one last second of Holger, which he was well aware sounded creepy and slightly stalkerish, given they’d only talked once, but it was how he felt. By the time that he started moving, people had already started flocking to the exits, forming a crowd. Trying not to get annoyed at the people pressing around him, Casper slowly moved with the crowd until everyone finally spilled out into the foyer.

“So, what are you going to do?” Caro asked once they were out into the cold night.

“About what?”

“About your very large crush on the ballet dancer.”

“Nothing.”

Caro practically glared at him. “Why not? You know that he’s interested in you.”

“Yeah, for a hookup,“ Casper argued, “And you know why I can’t.”

“Well, I think that that is a cop-out.”

Caro wasn’t wrong and Casper knew it, which made it even worse.

“All I’m saying,” Caro continued, “Is that even if it is a hook up, wouldn’t that be nice?”

It would be. It had been far too long since there had been anyone. It had been what made Holger’s offer back in the gym so tempting. And that was before Casper practically became obsessed with the guy.

“What would I even do?” Casper asked, “Slide into his DMs, say, I've been stalking you for the last few months and would you still want that hookup?”

Caro laughed, “You could, or maybe started with, hey, I think we met at a gym in London.”

Casper hated now tempting that sounded. When Caro said it, everything sounded so easy and logical. In his own brain, Casper would pull everything apart and wonder about every worst-case scenario.

“Maybe,” Casper eventually settled on, sensing Caro was waiting for an answer.

He couldn’t miss Caro’s smile at that, even when he wasn’t fully looking in her direction. He appreciated her enthusiasm for him, but he still hadn’t made up his mind.

He continued his slight stalking of Holger by constantly monitoring his Instagram. A couple of times, he opened a DM with him, but he could never bring himself to type anything, let alone send anything. He was still too much of a coward. He couldn’t even follow Holger, he didn’t know why he thought that he could send him a message.

He kept telling himself that he couldn’t keep doing this. And then he kept doing it. Caro didn’t push him, but he knew that she knew that he still hadn’t made a move.

Finally, he made the smallest of small moves. Technically, it was an accident, but it was still something.

Holger’s latest post was one of him dancing alone in the studio. It had already looped over twice and Casper was just as fixated as he was on his first watch. And then he’d accidentally dropped his phone and in his scramble to grab it again, he’d liked the video.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. Holger had enough followers and the post already had enough likes for Casper to be one of many. And he could unlike the post, but he decided not to. He just left it as a single like on a single post, figuring that it would mean nothing ultimately.

And it did mean nothing for two days.

Casper wasn’t in the habit of checking his DMs, too much vitriol and things Casper straight up didn’t want to see. But, he’d been using them to chat with an old friend, so he saw the message come in.

Holger Rune: So, your name is Casper

Casper stared at it for a while, unsure how he felt about it. For Holger to have not only seen his like and then looked at Casper’s profile before matching him back to the gym. It should be exactly what he wanted. And in many ways it was. It didn’t make it less scary.

He sat on it for a couple of days, didn’t even open it. Just letting it weigh unread in his inbox until he summoned the courage and words to respond.

Casper Ruud: I didn’t know if you’d remember me

The reply was instantaneous

Holger Rune: Like I’d forget someone that hot

Before Casper could work out what to say to that, another message rolled in.

Holger Rune: You in Oslo now

Casper panicked about that for three days before responding. Somehow, when he did, he then ended up with an apartment address near the middle of the city. He didn’t know how that happened, but Holger was just as forward as he was back in the gym and even more determined to not take no for an answer.

Not knowing exactly how he was meant to dress up for what he was pretty sure was a hookup, Casper overthought his outfit choice and changed four times before having to settle on something or risk being late. Ultimately, it probably wasn’t something that really mattered if he was on time, but Casper refused to be late for anything with an agreed-upon time.

It was a bit of a drive for Casper to get to Holger’s place and while Casper wasn’t ultimately complaining, the time alone in the car wasn’t exactly helping his worried thoughts. It was just more time to work himself up into more of a panic. At least he never freaked himself out so much that he turned around and bailed on Holger. Even if he did keep his hood up and beanie pulled down as he buzzed on the intercom of Holger’s apartment, not wanting to be recognised.

“Come on up,” a slightly fuzzy voice rang out of the system right as the door buzzed.

Being the middle of a weekday, there wasn’t anyone else waiting for the lift. He could make it up to Holger’s floor without being seen. He knew that he was being dramatically paranoid. Someone seeing him here wouldn’t automatically assume he was here to meet a man, plenty of other residents in the building.

But, it didn’t stop the edge of panic.

He didn’t even have to knock on the apartment door, Holger was already there waiting for him, propping the door open with his shoulder as he leaned against the door frame. As soon as he spotted Casper, he smiled as he straightened up and fully opened the door.

“Hey,” Holger greeted, “Good to see you.”

“It is,” Casper agreed, stepping inside.

It felt weird being inside Holger’s apartment when they’d exchanged so few words previously. Most of the things he knew about Holger came from stalking his Instagram rather than from the man himself. And yet, here he was, taking his shoes off in Holger’s home. This wasn’t like anything Casper normally did.

And yet, he was still here.

As soon as he finished taking his shoes off and stood up, Holger was on him. Casper let himself get pushed up against the door as Holger pulled him into a kiss. All of the air got completely sucked out of him and he practically melted into Holger’s touch.

“I wanted to do this when I first saw you,” Holger admitted between kisses.

Casper couldn’t find the words to respond to that, already too overwhelmed. If it wasn’t for Holger using his body to press him up against the door, Casper didn’t think that he’d still be standing.

“Let’s go somewhere more comfortable.”

Just like before, Casper let himself get taken where Holger wanted him. No point wasting time asking where Holger’s bedroom was when the man in question could just take him.

Sex with Holger was exactly as incredible as Casper had dreamt it would be. There was also possibly a tiny bit due to just how long since Casper had last slept with someone, but he wasn’t going to admit that or think about that. Instead, he’d think about how Holger was far from inexperienced and he knew exactly how to use his hands. Not wanting to be anything close to selfish, Casper had certainly returned the favour and while it might have been a while since the last time, it wasn’t something Casper had forgotten how to do. And from the noises Holger made, Casper certainly had done the right things.

Afterwards, Casper just about could have fallen asleep, but all of the panic from earlier had returned and that made sleep impossible. Beside him, Holger’s breathing had evened out and Casper didn’t want to interrupt him. They weren’t quite cuddled together, but Holger’s shoulder was pressed up against Casper’s side. Casper might have been able to sneak out, but he didn’t want to leave without some sort of conversation. Also, not wanting to snoop around Holger’s apartment with him sleeping, it left him stuck in bed with not much to do.

Having been thoroughly distracted before, Casper took the moment of calm to actually study Holger’s bedroom. It wasn’t the largest and it wasn’t thoroughly decorated, but there were still things to look at, outside of the pile of clothes they’d left on the floor. From his position on the bed, Casper could see the clothes dresser practically bursting at the seams and the large number of jackets shoved in the wardrobe to the point that the left door didn’t seem to be able to shut. Everything looked not quite messy, but more well-lived-in.

Glancing the other way, Casper found only a bedside table with a lamp and a half-read book. Carefully reaching over to avoid jostling Holger, Casper picked it up to find it was a biography of someone he’d never heard of. From the cover, it looked to be a dancer, but Casper wasn’t invested in finding out. Instead, he put it back down and tried to relax into Holger’s extremely comfortable mattress. Even if he couldn’t actually fall asleep, maybe he could at least somewhat rest.

In the end, Holger napped beside him for maybe half an hour. Casper didn’t know if he had fully relaxed in that time, but it was at least nice to not have anything to do or anywhere to be. He wasn’t complaining though, when Holger rolled closer to him and blinked up at him.

“Why couldn’t we have done that months ago?” Holger asked, apparently already awake enough to tease Casper.

“Good to have let the anticipation build.”

Holger pouted, “I don’t think that we did need to.”

Casper still didn’t regret his decision to walk away back in the London gym, but he did agree that he would have loved to have done this a month ago. He wasn’t going to admit that to Holger, though, mostly not wanting to see what he would do if Casper told him that he was right.

“How long are you here for?” Casper asked instead, “We should do this again.”

Holger’s smile grew even wider at that. “I live here, so for a while.”

Casper frowned, “What were you doing in London then? I thought that you were living there.”

“I was for a few months,” Holger informed him, “I was there as a guest dancer with a company there. Now, I’m here permanently.”

Casper still didn’t really understand how the world of ballet worked, but he figured that wasn’t the important thing for right now, “I’ll be here until just after Christmas.”

“Plenty of time for more sex then,” Holger declared, before climbing up on top of Casper, resting his weight on Casper’s thighs. It was clear that Holger thought that that time should start now, and Casper wasn’t complaining.

After two rounds of sex, Casper was starving afterwards. Holger must have felt the same, as he let Casper drag him out of bed without complaint and once in the kitchen, he dug into the fridge.

“I assume you have a diet to keep to,” Holger said with his head still buried in the fridge.

“I do. But, one cheat meal is fine if it’s too hard.”

“It’s fine. I have my own to keep as well, especially mid performance season.”

“What can I do to help?” Casper asked once there were a few ingredients resting on the bench.

“Can I trust you with a knife?”

“I probably won’t stab you if that’s what you are worried about.”

Holger laughed before handing one over to him, “If you do, make sure to clean up the blood quickly. I’d hate for the flooring to get stained.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

As they worked together in Holger’s slightly small kitchen, they kept bumping into each other. The first couple of times were probably accidental, not realising just how little space they each had, but then Casper quickly figured out that Holger was doing it on purpose. After each time Casper would look at him with a slightly raised eyebrow, Holger would just laugh.

They also talked as they worked. Realistically, Casper didn’t know all that much about Holger, and while he couldn’t be certain, he didn’t think that Holger knew all that much about him. Definitely not anything personal on either side. So, there was plenty to discuss.

Once he'd finished chopping all the vegetables, Holger kicked him out of the kitchen. There wasn't much else to do and as much fun as Holger appeared to be having touching Casper, it had gotten to the point that he was just in the way. Being an open plan and small apartment, Casper could wander into the lounge area and still be able to continue talking to Holger.

Just like Holger's bedroom, this space was well lived in, with the room well occupied with stuff. Even to someone with as little knowledge as himself, he could clearly see that a ballet dancer lived here. What Casper had learnt was called a barre was up against the far wall and that was a pretty large sign. Everything about the space looked like Holger had been living here for years, not the mere months Casper believed it to be.

"How did you end up here?" Casper asked Holger, "You are Danish, yes?"

Holger laughed, "I'm not fooling you with my accent."

"It's not bad," Casper gave him. And it was mostly the truth. Holger's Norwegian was pretty good, as was the case for most Danes, and Casper could understand him. But, the differences were still pretty obvious. Casper was sure that it would sound similar to Holger if they switched to speaking Danish.

"When I first started dancing with a professional company, it was at home. But, there just weren't the spots opening up for promotion. I danced in France for a year before taking the guest role in London and then a principal role opened here, which I auditioned for."

The world of ballet just seemed so different and strange to Casper. He knew that someone else would probably say the same thing to him about tennis, but dance, he just couldn't seem to get his head around yet.

"You live here all the time?" Holger asked Casper.

"I mean, I'm travelling a lot, so it's hard to say all the time, but yes."

"I think all that travel would get to me."

"You get used to it."

"I guess you would," Holger shrugged, "It still seems like a lot."

"Sometimes, I explain what my schedule looks like to people who work in offices, and the way that I live my life is just so different. I guess that it is the same for you, yes?"

"It is," Holger agreed, "My sister works that type of job and it's so weird to me."

Holger had just finished cooking and served it up onto plates. With the apartment being too small for a table to really fit, Holger had gone without and they had to eat sitting on the couch. Given how comfortable it was, Casper wasn't complaining. And with Holger's decision to sit cross-legged, he got to subtly stare at Holger's thighs, which was another thing that he wasn't complaining about.

"How did you find me?" Holger asked between mouthfuls of stir-fry.

Casper was surprised that he hadn't been asked that yet. If he was Holger, it would have been the first thing he said. "My sister had a spare ticket for the ballet and she convinced me to come with her. When I saw you on stage, I knew it was you."

"Nutcracker?"

"No, Romeo and Juliet."

Holger briefly frowned, "That was months ago. You didn't say anything."

"It took me a while to build up the courage," Casper admitted, downplaying the specifics slightly.

"Why?"

Not knowing how much Holger knew about tennis, or at least the world around tennis, he kept it simple, "I'm not out. Close friends and family know that I'm gay, but I don't want to be publicly out."

"Why not?" From someone else, that might have sounded judgmental, but Holger sounded genuinely curious.

"There's no top male tennis player out. And I don't want to be the first, at least not now."

"Wow, makes me glad that I chose ballet over tennis. Sometimes it sucks, but I've been out basically since I've known I was gay and no one has ever had a problem."

"That was a choice that you made?" Casper asked, trying to figure out if it was metaphorical or more. From the way Holger had phrased it, it sounded like an actual choice.

"I did both, until I was 13 and I didn't have the time for both anymore. I chose ballet."

"Do you follow tennis at all?" Did you recognise me at all was the question that Casper couldn't quite bring himself to ask.

"Not really," Holger shrugged, "My Mum still watches it a bit, so it's sometimes on when I'm home, but that's it."

Casper was reading between the lines slightly, but between that and his first message, he really didn't think that Holger had recognised Casper at all. He was just a hot guy in the gym that Holger had decided to flirt with. Knowing that Holger was interested in him because he was attractive, not because he was sort of famous, did something for Casper.

"Have you played tennis since you were a teenager?" Casper asked, bringing the conversation a step back.

"Pretty much no. I'm too busy now and when I'm not dancing, or in the gym, I should be relaxing."

"We should get you back some time," Casper suggested, mostly joking.

"We can. And then in exchange, I should take you to the studio and teach you something."

Casper blanched at that, not thinking he'd be a good dancer at all, even if Holger tried to teach him something basic. "Maybe not."

Holger laughed, "I think we should. It would be fun."

Even after they finished eating, they stayed sitting on the couch talking. For something Casper had been expecting to just be a hookup, it had now been hours since he entered Holger's apartment. Casper wasn't complaining. He didn't want it to end yet, as he enjoyed just talking to Holger as much as the sex.

Eventually, though, it did have to end. Being mid-winter the sun had long since set, but it was getting late and Casper still had a slightly long drive back home. There was a small part of him that wished that he could stay the night, but that felt far too forward when, really, he and Holger had only truly met today.

“I should head home,” Casper had to admit in a lull in conversation.

Holger pouted, “Do you have to?”

Casper’s resolve crumbled slightly, “If I want to get home tonight, I do.”

“Do you have to get home tonight?”

Technically, he didn’t. He had practice tomorrow, but it wasn’t early enough that he couldn’t complete the drive the next morning. And there wasn’t really anyone who’d be waiting for him to get home or a curfew he had to meet. He’d love to spend more time with Holger.

“I don’t,” Casper cautiously admitted. “I don’t want to impose, though.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Holger immediately assured him.

Casper wanted to say yes, but a no was on the tip of his tongue, feeling like that was the mature option. Before, suddenly he changed his mind. This wasn’t a risky situation, he was just slightly scared. And he should stop doing that and stop being scared. He was allowed to do what he wanted.

“Alright,” Casper agreed, “I can stay.”

The immediate joy on Holger’s face confirmed he’d made the right decision.

“Should we go to bed?”

Before they actually could, there were dishes from dinner to do and a couple of things to tidy up. With Casper helping, it only took a few minutes before Holger was leaning him back to his bedroom.

“Do you have something I could sleep in?” Casper asked.

“Just grab something from the second drawer over here,” Holger told him.

Inside, Casper found a true mountain of shirts, all of which seemed to have some sort of dance branding or dance company name on the front. Pulling a black one out from the pile, he found Danish writing on the front for the Royal Danish Ballet Company. Swapping into it from his own clothes, he quickly found himself being hugged by Holger’s scent.

It felt different climbing into Holger’s bed for something other than just sex. Holger was still in the bathroom, so Casper was all alone as he melted into the mattress. And he couldn’t believe that he’d ever thought that going home to his own bed was the better choice.

He rolled his head away from staring up at the ceiling when he felt a weight beside him and the mattress dipped. Holger comfortably settled in beside him, basically cuddling up against him. Casper’s eyes shut and before he knew it, he was asleep.

He was startled awake the next morning to an alarm he didn’t recognise. Reaching towards the source of the noise, he came into contact with another person instead of anything solid. It was only then that he remembered exactly where he’d fallen asleep the night before.

He felt movement beside him and then the alarm stopped before Holger spoke, “I’ve got to get up, but you can stay in bed a bit longer if you want.”

Before Casper could decide either way, Holger was up and gone. Casper almost whined at the loss of contact and he wished that he could pull Holger back into bed. But, glancing at the time, he realised that he couldn’t really afford to stay either. Not with the drive home he still had to face.

While Holger showered, Casper got dressed back into his clothes from the day before, something made slightly more difficult by having to search around on the floor for them first. He considered stealing Holger’s shirt, figuring that he had enough that he wouldn’t really miss this specific one, but that felt weird.

“I’ve probably got something you can have for breakfast if you want to stay,” Holger offered when he returned from the bathroom and found Casper completely dressed.

It took Casper a split second to tear his attention away from Holger’s naked chest to answer, “I really should get home now.”

He wished that he could stay. Wished that he could sit around with Holger for a few more minutes and share another meal. But, he could not afford to be late to practice, not with the off-season as short as it was and a list of things to work on.

He expected Holger to argue, just as he had the night before when Casper had said the same thing. But, he just nodded. Casper wasn’t sure if it was an understanding of Casper’s slightly urgent tone or Holger’s own busy schedule. Either way, it was a sign that their time together had to finally come to an end.

“We should do this again,” Holger said.

That was something Casper could easily agree to. The last few hours with Holger were truly the easiest he’d had in a long time, to the point that the sex was just a bonus on top, “I don’t know what your schedule is like, but I’ll message you.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Not letting himself overthink it, Casper quickly kissed Holger one final time before heading for the door. He had to get his shoes back on, and as he bent down to do so, he caught Holger leaning against his bedroom door frame and staring at his ass. Casper wasn’t complaining. It was still a nice ego boost to see how attractive Holger found him.

There was a brief moment of awkwardness when Casper stood up. Neither quite sure how to fully end it. Ultimately, Casper got out a final goodbye before slipping out of Holger’s apartment.

Being in such an excellent mood, Casper completely forgot about potentially hiding, especially with it being prime hours for office workers leaving for work. But, he got lucky and no one spotted him and he made it back to his car without being bothered.

The drive back home was weird. The further from Holger and the closer to his return to reality, his good mood started to fade. He wasn’t necessarily feeling bad or anything, just not quite as joyful as with Holger. Stepping out of the bubble they’d encapsulated themselves in and facing normalcy was a lot and Casper wasn’t prepared for how hard it felt.

Unfortunately, the drive also gave him far too much time to think. While they hadn’t had a serious conversation about it, Casper knew what they were. They were friends with benefits. And Casper could already feel much stronger feelings than that bubbling up in him. For so many reasons, he knew how bad of an idea that was. Even just sleeping with Holger felt like a slight risk, no matter how much he intrinsically trusted Holger. Anything more than that was certainly a step too far. Especially when Holger hadn’t made any indication that he wanted more than just sex.

Thankfully, he made it home with plenty of time to spare before practice. No one noticed him enter either, so he didn’t immediately have to answer questions about where he’d been. In fact, no one commented on it at all, all day. Being so completely out of routine, Casper had expected practice to be rougher than it was. Instead, it was completely normal, just like any other day. Somehow, that made Casper feel even worse with how shifted from reality he felt.

When he checked his phone after practice, he found a message from Holger waiting. Opening it, he found a mirror selfie taken from inside the ballet studio. Holger was in tight black pants and equally tight shirt. From the pink spread across his cheeks, Casper was assuming he’d just finished his own practice.
Casper didn’t quite know what to respond to that with. The only mirror he could take a photo in was the bathroom one and that was a completely different vibe. One that Casper wasn’t sure he was prepared for. Instead, he settled on taking one of his stretched out legs and well-worn shoes.

From there, that quickly opened up a frequent message exchange. When Holger wasn’t practising or dancing, he appeared to always be on his phone and texting Casper. The only break in messages was when Holger was dancing or sleeping. Almost none of them were of huge importance. Mundane thoughts from the day and random photos of things Holger found interesting. They just kept coming. Casper responded most of the time, not wanting Holger to stop, but he was still impressed by the sheer number that continued to come in.

He hadn’t really tried to hold out or anything, but he still found himself back at Holger’s apartment sooner than he expected. Honestly, if it was up to his heart, he’d have been back at Holger’s the next night, but that was certainly imposing on Holger. Instead, he waited for Holger to extend the invitation, knowing that Holger’s schedule was far busier than his right now.

“Come on in. It’s open,” Holger called out when Casper knocked on the door.

Casper pushed the door open and immediately found why Holger hadn’t physically answered the door. He was lying on the floor, rolling out the muscles in his legs.

“Sorry,” Holger apologised, “It’s been a tough few days.”

Casper had seen his performance schedule, and while he didn’t understand the technical details of ballet, he could understand the strength and energy required for a performance. And Holger was dancing multiple days in a row, sometimes even multiple times in a day.

“Take your time,” Casper told him as he settled on the floor beside him, “I hope that me being here isn’t hurting your recovery.”

“No, I want to see you. Honestly, I thought that I’d be done before you arrived.”

Now that was something Casper could understand. He and Holger might do completely different things, but they both had to look after their bodies and that always seemed to come with an insane amount of stretching and rolling out sore or tight muscles. They probably just worried about slightly different muscles or used them in slightly different ways.

“How was your week?” Casper asked as Holger rolled over to start working on his other side.

Holger’s head tipped back as he groaned, “Just the worst performance on Thursday night.”

“Oh, what happened?”

Casper might not understand all of the technical terms that Holger was using, but he could still understand the main details and get Holger’s annoyance at the situation. Maybe it was a sign that he should start doing some more research into the world of ballet if he was going to be spending a lot of time with Holger. It would be nice to understand the details of his life, especially when he was pretty sure that Holger would understand a lot more about tennis than he knew about ballet.

“You know you don’t have to stay on the floor,” Holger commented after a bit.

“I know, but it’s fine.” Casper was comfortable enough, at least so far, and he’d much rather stay on Holger’s level than sit up on the couch.

So, they stayed together on the floor until Holger tossed his foam roller aside and declared that he was done.

Given what he’d been invited over for, Casper wasn’t surprised when Holger immediately moved and climbed into Casper’s lap, settling his thighs on either side of Casper’s, before he pulled Casper into a kiss. And they stayed on the floor making out.

“Should we move somewhere more comfortable?” Casper asked when his legs started to go slightly numb from Holger’s weight on them.

“You don’t want to have sex on the floor?”

“If you suggest that ever again, I will walk out,” Casper threatened. He was an adult with a bed, he didn’t need to be having sex on the floor.

Holger laughed but climbed out of Casper’s lap before offering Casper a hand to help him up off the floor. This time, he didn’t need Holger to show him to the bedroom, still remembering where it was. Instead of Holger leading him, Casper could stick by Holger’s side, so as soon as they were inside, Casper could grab Holger’s hand and pull him onto the bed. Holger let out a slight yelp, but he went with Casper as they landed on the mattress together.

Sex with Holger today was just as good as the last time, possibly even better, as he already knew what Holger liked. He felt less uncertainty and like he could just act without worries. Casper was taking it as a sign of the connection between them that it was already so easy with Holger.

Given how exhausting the last few days of offseason training had been, Casper wasn’t surprised when he fell asleep after, already wrung out before they started. When he came back around, he felt a gentle touch running over his skin. Blinking his eyes open, he found Holger absently running a finger over him while he scrolled on his phone with his other hand. He hadn’t realised that Casper was awake and that gave him an opportunity to just stare at Holger for a couple of minutes.

“You know that is kind of creepy,” Holger commented as he looked away from his phone and at Casper, breaking the silence.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it.”

Holger’s face broke into a smile at that, “From you, I do.”

“Of course you do.”

Holger tossed his phone aside, giving Casper his full attention. “Can you stay the night again?”

Knowing that that was a possibility, Casper had planned ahead slightly and made sure that he didn’t have an early practice the next morning, “As long as you feed me at some point.”

“That’s a problem. I have no food here at all.”

“Oh, well, I guess I can’t stay then.”

Holger pouted as he clung onto him, “Not if I don’t let you leave.”

“I’m sure that I could get past you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Holger told him.

“I will,” Casper assured him, “When you least expect it.”

Holger laughed, but he didn’t release his grip on Casper. Casper wasn’t complaining, though. He liked having Holger as close as possible at all times.

As much as Holger didn’t want to, they did eventually have to get back out of bed. Neither of them could afford to skip dinner and Casper found himself quickly going from hungry to starving.

“I can’t believe that you are making me cook for you again,” Holger mock complained as he pulled ingredients out.

Casper just laughed, “Look at you being a good host.”

“Sure.”

He and Holger still had plenty of things to talk about, as they still didn’t know much about each other. As Holger cooked, the conversation never ended. It barely even paused when he finished and they started eating. Casper didn’t care that the last few bites of his meal had gone slightly cold by the time he got to them, conversation having slowed his eating pace down.

“How did you get into dance?” Casper asked Holger.

“My sister danced and played tennis, and I wanted to do both as well. I wanted to be just like her and my Mum had danced when she was younger as well.”

“Does she still dance?” Casper asked, not specifically clarifying who he meant.

“No. My Mum stopped before I was born and my sister stopped years ago.”

“Are they back home in Denmark?” Casper realised that he didn’t know all that much about Holger’s family, so he was going to take the opportunity to ask as many questions as Holger would answer.

“Yes.”

“Do you see them much?”

“I don’t have the time off to travel all that much, but they come and watch me perform anytime I’m in a production. And they’re coming in a few days to see the Nutcracker and then stay for Christmas.”

That suddenly reminded Casper how little time they had before Casper had to truly return to reality. Christmas was only a couple of weeks away and if Holger’s family was staying with him, that would cut into the time. Because a few days after Christmas, Casper had flights booked to Australia to return to the tour and the travel schedule. Obviously, Casper would be back. His home base was still here and he still trained here. But, during the season, that time was so dramatically reduced.

It wouldn’t leave many opportunities to see Holger. Casper didn’t want this to fade out. For it to become longer and longer between seeing each other to the point that they stopped. He was willing to put in the effort to keep Holger in his life, but it didn’t change the realities of his job and schedule. And that didn’t account for Holger’s schedule as well.

Trying not to bring himself down on what might happen, Casper refocused on the present and the hot man sitting beside him on the couch. He shouldn’t waste the time he did have with Holger. And enjoy the rest of their night together.

Knowing this time that he was likely to stay the night, Casper had brought some semblance of an overnight bag. But, he’d ‘accidentally’ forgotten anything to wear to bed, so he’d have an excuse to wear Holger’s clothes again. He hadn’t thought that he’d be the type to want to wear his boyfriend’s clothes, but he’d so deeply enjoyed it last time that he wanted to do it again.

When he said that to Holger, he raised an eyebrow, “Forgot?” Holger asked, sounding extremely sceptical.

“Yes,” Casper replied, completely lying through his teeth, “I thought that I had a shirt and I must have missed it.”

Holger still looked like he didn’t buy it, but he wasn’t complaining about seeing Casper in his clothes, “You know where the drawer is.”

Casper did. The shirt he wore last time was once again near the top, but Casper decided on a different one this time around, this one with a brand on the front he didn’t recognise. Just like the other one, it smelt of Holger when he pulled it on. That confirmed he’d made the right choice by not bringing his own clothes with him.

Having been prepared this time, Casper joined Holger in the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he did, he watched Holger eye him up through the mirror.

“I think I need to steal some of your clothes,” Holger said. “Turn the tables on you.”

Casper laughed before sinking more into Holger’s shirt. He’d like to see Holger in his clothes, but today was not the day for that. He didn’t have a spare with him and he wasn’t sure he felt confident enough to leave Holger’s place tomorrow in Holger’s clothes.

When he finished in the bathroom, he found Holger comfortably stretched out on the bed, angled towards the door Casper had just stepped through. Casper’s smile softened as he took Holger in. He was suddenly relieved that he’d taken the risk and come to Holger’s apartment last time so he could have this.

“Are you just going to stare?” Holger asked.

That startled Casper out of his thoughts and he took the last couple of steps to the bed. Holger opened his arms and Casper happily climbed into them. As soon as he was settled, Casper was asleep.

When Holger’s alarm went off the next morning, Casper wasn’t as shocked as the last time. He immediately remembered where he was and whose arms were around him. Just like last time, though, Casper didn’t want to have to get up and face the day. He wished that he could just stay here with Holger, but that wasn’t possible for multiple reasons. He couldn’t be the only one feeling like that, as it took Holger a few minutes before he groaned and rolled out of bed.

Casper stayed in bed a bit longer as the bathroom door shut and the shower started. But, he had to eventually get up as well, knowing the longer he stayed lying down, the harder it was going to be to get moving.

“Can you stay for breakfast?” Holger asked on his return.

Casper double-checked the time before nodding, “Quickly.”

Breakfast was a little quieter than their last meal as they both woke up more. Holger’s choice of breakfast was a bit different to Casper’s normal one, but for the day, it would work and he wasn’t going to complain, especially because it gave Casper a little bit longer with Holger.

“When are you free next?” Holger asked as Casper started to put his shoes on.

“Not until Monday, probably.”

Holger frowned, “My family is here by then.”

Casper had expected as much, but it was still disappointing, “I’m sure that we can figure something out afterwards.”

That lightened Holger’s expression slightly, “I guess so.”

With nothing else to do and not really being able to stall longer, Casper pulled Holger into a quick kiss before opening the door, “I’ll be looking forward to whenever it is.”

Holger nodded, “Ok.”

Casper said goodbye and hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before he was back. Unfortunately, that was not the case. With everything going on in Holger’s life, he wasn’t free until Casper was already on the other side of the world and the new season for him had started.

Even messaging Holger wasn’t quite the same with Casper away. Unfortunately, the time difference made everything difficult, especially with both of them having routines and sleep schedules to attempt to adhere to. Casper tried to reply as soon as he could, but he’d normally have to wait many hours for a response.

It left Casper back to stalking Holger’s Instagram and just watching everything he posted over and over again. It didn’t help that Holger had a few weeks off before rehearsals started for their next performance and Casper wasn’t there to make the most of that time. He couldn’t help but worry that Holger was going to find someone else to replace Casper with.

Holger was attractive. Casper was sure that he could easily find someone else attracted to him. And Casper had experienced it first-hand, Holger wasn’t shy about asking someone out. It should not be hard for Casper to be replaced. For Holger to find someone who was more convenient than Casper and all of his baggage.

Each day, when it got closer to morning back in Europe, Casper would find himself worrying that today was the day Holger was going to decide that it was easier to cut his losses and stop talking to Casper. But, it never happened. The messages kept rolling in as Holger continued to keep Casper updated on his life, never giving any signs of wanting to let Casper go.

Eventually, Casper lost in Melbourne and started the long trek home. It wouldn’t be for all that long, the realities of the tour meant he’d be travelling over to North America in a few weeks, but he wasn’t going to let himself worry about that yet.

The first night home, Casper was exhausted from travel and just wanted to sleep in his own bed. He’d made sure that Holger knew he was back and without explicitly saying it, he was certainly angling for an invitation. An invitation that came for the night two days later.

Casper was halfway into his drive to Holger’s when his phone rang and Holger’s name flashed up on the display. Having never spoken to Holger over the phone before, Casper figured it had to be time-sensitive, so he reached over to answer it.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey,” Holger echoed, “Have you left yet?”

Casper was suddenly reminded that Holger didn’t know where he lived. He would have thought that he’d given a vague indication, but he couldn’t remember a certain example, so maybe he hadn’t. “Yes, why?”

“Shit,” Holger cursed, “I’m going to be at the studio longer than I thought. I’m not going to be home for a while.”

Casper considered his options. Given his travel time and current location, it didn’t make sense to go home, unless Holger was going to be many hours. But, he couldn’t think of anywhere to wait near to Holger and he couldn’t let himself into Holger’s apartment. It didn’t really leave any good options.

“Is there somewhere near the studio where I can wait?” Casper asked.

There was a long pause, “You can wait in the studio.”

Now it was Casper’s turn to pause, before he did agree, “What’s the address?”
Holger rattled off a location that wasn’t all that far from his apartment. Not wanting to forget it, Casper immediately pulled over to plug it into his phone.

“I’ll text you when I get there,” Casper told Holger once he was ready to continue driving.

“Sorry about this.”

“It’s fine.”

With nothing more to say, and places for Holger to be, the call ended and Casper’s music suddenly started back up again. The noise almost scared him out of his skin and it took a couple of moments of focused breathing to calm down again.

Unfortunately, given the length of the drive still remaining, it gave him plenty of time to work himself into a slight panic. This was significantly more than people seeing him like one of Holger’s Instagram posts. This was potentially people seeing him and Holger together. Rationally, he knew that people wouldn’t immediately assume that he and Holger were sleeping together, even if they knew that Holger was gay. He shouldn’t be this ashamed to be seen with Holger. It didn’t calm him down much, though.

Turning his music up a little louder, Casper tried to drown out his own thoughts. It was mostly unsuccessful, but it at least got him to his destination.
Having never been to one before, Casper didn’t know what he expected a dance studio to look like, but it was completely nondescript from the outside.

Letting Holger know he’d arrived, Casper leaned up against the building exterior and waited.

He wasn’t waiting all that long before the door opened and a very red and sweaty Holger appeared.

“Hey,” Holger greeted with a smile, “Come on in.”

Casper nodded and followed him back inside. He didn’t really get a chance to examine the inside of the building as he was too busy trying to keep up with Holger and not get lost.

“There’s not really anywhere for you to just sit,” Holger told him, still leading Casper further into the building, “But, if you can stay quiet, you can stay in the studio.”

“I can do that.”

When Holger let him into the actual studio, Casper realised he recognised it from some of Holger’s Instagram posts. It looked smaller in person, somehow.

And then, Casper suddenly realised that they weren’t alone. There was a woman around his age in a tutu and then an older woman in black casual wear.

“Sophia, Martha, this is Casper, don’t mind him,” Holger said, gesturing to the dancer, then the older woman.

Casper nodded a polite greeting at both. Not wanting to interrupt things further, and wanting to let them all do their jobs, Casper settled into the chair in one corner. He didn’t know if it had been brought in for him, but he figured if it was sitting there, it had to be out of the way.

As soon as he was seated, the other three refocused and completely ignored Casper. Casper had been expected to just pull his phone out and kill time until Holger was done. But, before he did, he figured he should at least see something about what Holger was doing and when he did, he was immediately transfixed.

Casper had seen Holger dance before. He’d seen him on stage and seen clips on Instagram. But, seeing the uncurated version of dance in rehearsal form in front of him was completely different. He watched as the two dancers repeated the same few steps over and over, as they were corrected and would try again.

It was the closest that Casper had physically seen Holger dance and he could see some of the strain and effort that wasn’t often seen. He could see the effort as he lifted the other dancer and how much strength everything required.

“Water, then full-out through with music,” Martha informed the two dancers.

There was only a moment of silence before the music started up and they resumed dancing again. Even with music, Martha was still giving them constant comments and feedback as they danced. Casper couldn’t understand most of them, didn’t understand most of what they referred to, full of terminology he didn’t know. Even knowing his own lack of knowledge, he was impressed at how they could keep dancing and take it in at the same time.

“That looks so much better than before,” Martha told them when the music came to an end, “It is enough for today.”

“Thank you.”

“See you both tomorrow.”

As soon as she was gone, Holger flopped onto the ground and Sophia collapsed down beside him slightly more gracefully. “Oh my God.”

Casper watched them both lie there for a moment, not wanting to immediately draw attention to himself. He wasn’t even sure if he was really meant to be here. Even if the rehearsal was officially over, he still didn’t want to intrude where he shouldn’t.

Eventually, Holger sat up and his eyes landed on Casper. His eyebrows raised, like he’d completely forgotten about Casper’s presence. At least that counted towards Casper not intruding.

“I just need to cool down and then we can leave,” Holger told him.

“Take as long as you need.” Beyond spending time with Holger, Casper didn’t have any plans. He wasn’t in a rush and could afford to wait however long Holger needed.

Casper found himself finally pulling his phone out to distract himself. Now that he didn’t have Holger’s dance to entertain him, he needed something to do. Sophia and Holger started talking as they both cooled down, but it was a conversation Casper couldn’t follow, full of people and terms he didn’t understand and he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt and question every second thing.

Finally, a shadow loomed over him and Casper looked up from his phone to see Holger standing over him. The colour on his cheeks had faded slightly, but there was still a sheen of sweat on him and he looked exhausted.

“Ready to leave?”

“Yes.”

Casper was still lost making his way back through the hallways and had to let Holger lead him again, this time in the opposite direction.

“Where’s your car?” Casper asked once they were out on the street.

“Oh, I walk here.”

That made things easier to coordinate, “Mine’s just over there if you want to come with me.”

“Sure.”

The short ride to Holger’s was quiet. Holger still looked like he was catching his breath a little and Casper let him. From what Casper had seen of his rehearsal, it looked exhausting and Casper had no idea how long he’d been dancing. If that was Casper, he’d need more than a few minutes to collect himself.

“I’m sorry, but I think I need food and a shower before anything,” Holger apologised once they were inside his apartment.

Casper had expected as much. “I don’t know what you have in your fridge, but I can start cooking while you shower if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

Holger turned to look at him and smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Casper agreed, “Now, go shower.”

Before he did, Holger leaned over and kissed Casper. Before Casper could react, Holger was gone, leaving only a faint trace of sweat on Casper’s lips. Casper stood there for a moment, considering if he could join Holger in the shower, before he refocused on the task he’d set himself.

He’d never cooked in Holger’s kitchen, only ever watched the other man do it. But, it wasn’t very big and there were only so many rational places for things to belong. Without too much effort, he managed to find all of the cooking utensils he needed.

The hardest thing was knowing what to cook. He’d never asked Holger exactly what his diet involved. At least cooking with the ingredients from Holger’s fridge, he couldn’t go too far wrong. Hopefully, Holger wasn’t expecting anything too fancy. Casper was an alright cook, but he certainly wasn’t great.

He was halfway through when Holger returned with slightly damp hair and oversized clothes, looking truly relaxed for the first time today.

He headed straight to Casper, draping himself over Casper’s back, “What are you making?”

“Just some chicken and rice.”

Holger hummed, a noise which sounded so much louder than normal with how close Holger’s mouth was to his ear. Casper expected him to move, but he didn’t, stayed clung to Casper. Casper wasn’t complaining much, even if it made cooking considerably more difficult. He liked having Holger this close.

“How come you were so late today?” Casper asked.

Holger groaned, “We’re meant to be performing in a week and Grace, who I was meant to be dancing with, tore a muscle in her ankle and won’t be able to dance. So, it was my first rehearsal with Sophia and we only have a couple more before we have to perform.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“It’s not the worst situation I’ve ended up in, but it’s not easy.”

“Does it happen often?”

“Not often and we have understudies for a reason, but injuries happen,” Holger shrugged, a movement Casper felt against his back rather than saw, “Enough about me, how have you been?”

“Less stressed than you,” Casper teased before giving Holger a legitimate answer.

Holger only let go of Casper when he finished cooking and the food was served. Casper immediately missed the warmth of Holger’s touch and having their thighs brush together as they settled on the couch to eat wasn’t the same.

As they ate and talked, Casper noticed Holger quickly tiring. He was slumping more and more into the couch and he’d already yawned four or five times. Casper was almost expecting him to fall asleep right in front of Casper, he looked that exhausted.

Casper got to the point that he just wanted to wrap Holger in a hug and carry him to bed. He didn’t want to be the reason that Holger stayed awake when he really needed some sleep.

“How about we go to bed?” Casper suggested when it became clear that Holger wasn’t going to admit to his exhaustion without prompting.

Holger’s shoulders sank slightly, “I’m not sure that I’m up for anything tonight.”

“Just to sleep,” Casper told him.

“You sure?” Holger’s eyes were wide and he looked so young in that expression.

Casper hated that Holger seemed to presume that Casper just wanted him for sex and for his body. “I like just spending time with you, not just for sex.”

Holger stared at him as he studied Casper’s expression, trying to figure out if Casper was lying. But, he very much wasn’t. He was being completely honest that there were so many reasons he liked Holger and sex was just one of many.

“Ok.”

With Holger’s agreement, Casper decided to take a slight leap and lifted Holger up off the couch, carrying him back into the bedroom. Holger clung onto him, wrapping his legs around Casper’s waist while his arms came up to Casper’s neck.

“I should get you to carry me more,” Holger said.

Casper laughed before putting Holger down on his bed. When he did, Holger immediately flopped backwards, completely lying down. Casper watched as his shirt rode up slightly, exposing the bottom of his abs. He wished that he could stare, but he didn’t want Holger to doubt his sincerity when Casper told him that he wanted him for more than just sex.

Pulling his eyes away, Casper even went as far as leaving the room. It was mostly because he didn’t want to leave a mess of dishes behind for Holger to have to deal with late. Thankfully, even with Holger having been plastered up against him, he’d managed to mostly clean as he went, so it was only a couple of plates and a pan to wash, then leave to dry.

When he returned to the bedroom, Holger had manoeuvred himself under the covers and looked seconds away from sleep. He was just awake enough to watch Casper move around the room through hooded eyes.

Casper didn’t even ask this time before stealing another of Holger’s shirts to sleep in. He especially felt Holger’s eyes on him as he stripped out of his clothes and switched them for Holger’s. Under different circumstances, he thought that Holger would possibly jump him, but those were not today’s circumstances.

Instead, after Casper had quickly brushed his teeth, he climbed into bed and pulled Holger into his arms. He was pretty sure that as soon as he did, Holger was asleep. And Casper was asleep moments later.

When he woke the next morning, it was without an alarm. From the hints of light flittering around the curtains, Casper knew that it couldn’t be that far away and that it wasn’t worth trying to fall back asleep. Instead, he was planning on just relaxing more into Holger and just lying there.

That was until he felt Holger move beside him. Glancing at him, Casper met Holger’s eye, “Morning.”

“Not yet,” Holger grumbled.

Casper laughed and didn’t say anything more, letting Holger wake up in his own time. He didn’t mind just getting to keep his arms around Holger and keep him close.

“When do you have to be home?” Holger asked after a while of silence.

“I’ve got an afternoon practice today,” Casper replied, letting Holger infer the answer from there.

“I wish we had more time,” Holger admitted, “I’ve got to be at the studio at ten.”

“So do I.”

There were a few moments of silence before Holger spoke again, “You meant it when you said that you like me for more than just sex.”

“Yes,” Casper said, sensing that this was going to be a serious and honest conversation and as much as Casper was terrified, he wanted this to happen.

Holger stared at Casper for a moment. “Would you want more?”

“Do you want more?” Casper cowardly asked instead of actually answering.

“I would, if you do.”

Casper deeply appreciated the earnestness and honesty, especially when Casper hadn’t managed to find the courage to admit the same thing.

“I do too,” he said, something that was a lot easier knowing for sure that Holger felt the same.

Holger’s face broke out into a full smile, and honestly, Casper’s did the same.

He kind of couldn’t believe that things were working out even better than he could imagine. While he had to slightly collect himself, Holger climbed into Casper’s lap, resting his thighs on either side of Casper as he pinned him to the bed.

Casper watched as Holger slowly leaned forward, using one hand pressed into the mattress to keep him up, and felt Casper up with the other. Casper let himself arch into Holger’s touch, wanting more of it before their lips finally met, with Holger completely lying on top of Casper.

“I can’t believe that I get a boyfriend this hot,” Holger mumbled.

Casper’s heart thudded at Holger’s use of the term boyfriend. He’d never been someone’s boyfriend before, and he certainly wasn’t complaining about Holger being the first. He wanted to say something in return about Holger being hot, but he couldn’t form a coherent sentence or get it out of his mouth. All he could think about was Holger’s hands on him.

Their first time after making it official wasn’t actually any different than the previous times. But, to Casper, it felt more intense. All he could think about was Holger.

Holger claimed it was in the interest of saving time to shower together, but the bright grin on his face as he suggested it wasn’t his true motivation. From the way he barely let go of Casper throughout made his actual motivation even more obvious. Casper didn’t care. He wanted as much as Holger could give him and even if Holger’s shower was small enough that it was a squeeze with two people, he liked it far more than he should.

Not wanting to redress in his own clothes from the day before, Casper stole more clothes from Holger. Needing to steal some sweatpants as well as a shirt, Casper found they hung even more off him, accentuating the differences in their builds. The added bonus of Holger continuing to stare at him was appreciated.

“I missed you while you were in Australia,” Holger suddenly admitted as he assembled breakfast for both of them.

Casper stared at him for a split second, not expecting it, before he responded,

“It’s not going to be easier. I’m away from home a lot.”

“I know,” Holger confirmed, “Doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss you.”

Casper kissed Holger for the honesty, “I missed you too.”

“How long until you next leave?”

“Just less than two weeks, I think.”

Holger frowned, “That’s not long.”

“It’s not.” And it wasn’t like they could spend all of that time together. They both had other things to do, especially Holger. “It was nice seeing your practice yesterday.”

Holger smiled, “If it hadn’t been such a last-minute and chaotic situation, I don’t think I would have been allowed to let you in like that, but I’m glad that you weren’t bored.”

“There’s still a lot I don’t know about ballet, but it was interesting. I definitely wasn’t bored.”

“I imagine this wasn’t what you would have thought would have happened when you turned me down back in London,” Holger laughed.

“No,” Casper agreed, “But, what did you think was going to happen?”

Holger shrugged, “I knew that I wasn’t going to be in London more than a couple of months. I thought that you were hot enough for a hook-up, and that would be the end.”

Casper stepped into Holger’s space, “And now you are stuck with me.”

“Oh no,” Holger fake pouted, “What a pain.”

Casper laughed as he kissed the pout off Holger’s lips. It was very much not what either of them had expected all those months ago and Casper was very much not complaining.

What he was complaining about was having to leave Holger as soon as he finished breakfast. He managed to get a couple more minutes with him by offering to drop him off at the studio, but before long, he was alone and making the drive back home again.

He didn’t feel the same weight he’d had the last time he left Holger’s place, knowing this time he was leaving with a boyfriend and a tentative plan for an actual date in a few days' time. Even alone, it was hard to wipe the smile off his face, truly happy for the first time in a long time.