Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier. West wing. 

Direct coordinates: classified. 

Date: October 17th. 

Time: 11am

11am and Maria was deeply engulfed in the paperwork she had been working on for the past four hours when a knock on the door of her office pulled her out of her trance. 

“Come in.” She called a little reluctantly. As she halfheartedly glanced up from her paperwork, she saw none other than Clint Barton hesitantly poking his head into her door like she was going to throw something at him just for daring to show his face.

“Agent Barton, what do you need?” 

Maria knew whatever he wanted she really did not have time to deal with. He was currently in hot water with most of the higher ups for bringing in a highly dangerous assassin he was assigned to take out. That was about all the details Maria had heard and she wasn’t nosy enough to go searching for more. At least not before her third cup of coffee.

Could Clint really be blamed for what he did considering Coulson did close enough to the exact same thing with him? That bunch had a soft spot for strays. A little too soft if you were to ask Maria. 

“Okay listen Hill. Before you say no, at least hear me out.”  Pleaded Clint. He needed Maria to hear him out, and he knew she would. She likes to play the tough commander, likes the reputation of hardass hill but she really is a good person, and despite her protests one of his closest friends.

“Agent Barton I don’t have time for games please get to the point or get out of my office.” Barton is consistently a thorn in Maria’s side. He’s nice and funny and Maria has admittedly let him and a couple others from that little group weasel their way a little closer than she would have liked. But he is always finding one way or another to make her job harder.

“You’ve gotta help me with Nat.” 

“Who is Nat? Wait Clint, no absolutely not, no. I am not helping you with anything to do with a wanted assassin.”  Clint has many a hair brained scheme but really? Trying to get the deputy director of shield to assist him with anything to do with an ex kgb assassin. Has he gone insane?

“Maria come on please. I really need your help. They are making the decision about what to do with her in the next couple of days and she won’t talk to anyone and they have guards with her back to back and imagine how scary that must be. She came here of her own will and now she’s being hostile and going on a hunger strike and they won’t let me near her and you’re the only person I think can handle her without dying or being too scared.”

“Clint” Maria held a hand up as she interrupted his rambling, not taking her eyes off her stacks of paperwork. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Thank you Ria I’ll owe you forever oh my gosh you’re amazing literally my best friend in the world. I have no idea why everyone says you’re so mean you’re perfect”  he beamed as he began skipping around her office.

“Calm yourself Barton. And to pay me back just never complain about paperwork... Oh and don’t bring in another freaking pet project ever again.”

“No promises!” He called out while skipping out of Hill's office towards the caf.

Within three minutes of Clint leaving, Hill already regretted her decision. Her pile of paperwork only grew in that half hour (oh how she loathed paperwork), she had barely made a dent in her to do list, the coffee and monster on her desk reminded her that she she hadn’t slept in twenty hours and the pang of hunger in her stomach reminded her she couldn’t remember the last time had eaten. Still, she had work to do. Everything else could wait. 

five hours, four stacks of paperwork, three coffees, dozens of yelling sessions at rookie recruits, and a meal later (don’t look at her like that, she was dragged to the caf by May and Coulson.) Maria Hill found herself walking towards the cell of a hostile, wanted, “ex” assassin.

She stopped just shy of the door to double check her weapons and grab her key. “What have I gotten myself into this time?” She asked herself while turning the lock to open the door.

            ———————————

Location: helicarrier, basement, highest security cell. 

Direct coordinates: classified. 

Date: October 17th

Time: 1:00pm

The metal slide in the door was opened as the guard on duty slid the tray of food into the room. “Ya know, You'll make everyone's job a whole lot easier if you just eat this.” this guard, Ben was the only one who seemed to have the least bit of interest in his job and not be on edge every second, acting like she was going to kill him for looking at her wrong (wouldn't put it past her though). He was also the only one who had dared to share his name with her. 

“Yes because drugged food is sooo good and definitely something i want to willingly put in my body.” she hissed, sitting on her bed back to the door. Natalia Romanova. Many things. None of which are off guard. While she sat facing away from the door, she knew exactly what was there. There were two guards on the other side of the door (normally three but she heard the soft retreat of footsteps through the steel an hour ago) Ben and probably Addler (tall, broad, a bit of a douche, terrified of natalia though he denies it fervently.) each armed with at least one gun, a knife, handcuffs, and she caught a glimpse of what looked like  a taser when they slid her food in last week. Her hair was pulled into a tight braid. It was harder for an attacker to use it against her, and the fact that she hadn't slept in over a week save for “safe moments” where she was hidden from the camera and it would be unknown she was asleep,  would have gone completely unnoticed, had there not been cameras surveilling her room 24/7. She had no dark circles and no signs of fatigue. Her only impairment being, her senses and focus reduced to that of a normal human being. She had gotten used to sleep deprivation before she hit double digits.

“Its not our fault you won't sleep, kid.”

“You and I both know that sleeping pills are not the only thing in there.”  Natalia had enough of people drugging her food. She wouldn't take it when she didn't have to. The sleeping pills were one thing, sure. And when it had been just sleeping pills she had eaten, but there were more than just sleeping pills now. She could tell. The only thing not drugged was the corn. (too hard to hide). That's what she’d been surviving on for the past week. Corn. it was better than anything from home though. Ugh “home”. Calling it that left a bitter taste in her mouth. It wasn’t necessarily the drugs she feared. She knew she was an asset to Shield. They could train her, interrogate her, do whatever they wanted to her really. She gave herself in. Traded one prison for another. But they wouldn’t kill her. Not while she was still useful. So it wasn’t poison she feared. It was control. For the first time she was in control of herself and she wanted it to stay that way. So she ate the corn. Just the corn. Shoved the tray at the door hard enough to make a metal clang and laid down on her bed in a huff. 

That’s where she would stay for three hours. Three quiet hours. Until the lock on the door turned. It was unusual. People stayed as far away from Nat as possible. Why would someone voluntarily walk into her cell?

She stayed where she was on her bed, not moving an inch. Seemingly unbothered, seemingly not noticing. But if you know anything about Natalia Romanova, you know not to underestimate or assume she didn’t notice something. 

She fixed her face on the roof, letting her eyes drift discreetly towards the figure who had stepped in. Tall, short dark hair, strikingly blue eyes, she carried herself with a commanding air of importance. She was obviously someone in charge. Yay a new game for Natalia. Find out who this woman is, why she’s here and find out every way to push every one of her buttons. Natalia gave her 3 days at the most. She wasn’t going to be as easy as the guards, she seemed calm. Almost unnervingly so.

“Ahem” the woman cleared her throat as she stepped forward, clearly believing that Natalia hadn’t realized she was there and making herself known. All she was met with was a slight turn of the head, and three seconds of eye contact before Natalia’s head snapped back into its aforementioned place. Eyes glued to the ceiling. 

They sat in silence for at least thirty minutes, Maria staring intently at Natalia, as if she could understand her just by looking hard enough. 

“What? Like the view?” Natalia asked with a smirk, finally turning her head to meet Maria’s gaze which immediately flicked over to the wall. 

“What's with the hunger strike? Your little friend is worried about you.” Honestly Maria probably should’ve done a little more research before she stepped in the cell with an ex kgb assassin. She had no idea of who Natalia was or her background. She didn’t even know her name, other than Clint calling her “Nat” which could be short for a number of things. 

“I don’t have friends.” Replied Natalia shortly, shooting daggers across the room. 

“I don’t know what you say but he cares about you enough to practically beg me to come down here to check on you” The faster Maria got this girl to eat the faster she could get out of there and back to work.

Natalia sat up and swung her legs to the floor, staring directly at Maria with a squinted gaze. “It’s drugged.” She replied with a shrug.

“There’s no way,” Maria scoffed. “ And even if it was true how would you know anyway?” 

“I’ve been trained to detect 50 different types of drugs and poisons since before I could legally drive.” She walks over to the tray and kicks it, hard enough for everything to spill. Natalia had finally gotten close enough to see Maria’s badge. Maria didn’t flinch. Information Natalia would keep in her back pocket for the future. “The potatoes have eszopiclone, the grits have zolpidem, whatever that is has lorazepam in it. The only thing safe is the corn. they even tried to put something in my water once. If you get them to stop trying to put drugs in my system I will willingly eat. I know you don’t want me dead so it’s that or force feed me and you don’t want to know what happened the last time someone tried that nor would you like a repeat of it. I’ve gone longer without food. Take your pick. Also your food totally lacks any nutrition. That’s like three whole starches.”

Natalia looked up from her little speech to see Maria looking what would be read by a normal person as unbothered but Natalia saw deeper. The slightly faster blinks, the slight twitch of anger in her face, and the slight shake of her hands. “Well on behalf of shield I apologize to you for that, it was unnecessary.” 

“What is the point of knowing that many drugs and being able to identify them before you’re sixteen? How many people were trying to kill you?” She mumbled confused, half out loud half to herself. 

“Wow they really told you nothing about me before you came in here huh. Could’ve gotten you killed.” Natalia was shocked that somehow this woman who had to be very high on the ladder didn’t know who she was. Was Shield that stupid? Did she read who this woman was wrong? No, definitely not that. Was Shield stupid? 

“You, kill me? Sure.” Maria let out with a slight chuckle of disbelieving air. 

Where some may find the underestimation frustrating, Natalia liked it. It gave her the upper hand. She could use this to her advantage.

With three swift movements she had Maria against the wall, her own gun to her head.

Maria managed to keep herself under control and seemed composed except for a very slight tremble which of course Natalia noticed and took pride in. Making the deputy director of Shield scared was not an easy task but a fun one nonetheless. 

In one swift move Maria shoved the gun upwards, flipped their positions, and had Natalia’s wrist between her shoulder blades. 

Though Maria had no idea, Natalia had let her do this. It would’ve been an easy counter but Natalia knew she was making Maria angry and she liked it. 

“Oh pinning me against the wall. My, our relationship has moved fast…” Natalia remarked with a sick smile which caused Maria to release her like Natalia's very skin had suddenly burned her.

She ran a hand through her hair as she pushed open the heavy steel door. “What has Barton gotten me into?” She asked herself.

“Goodbye Maria Christine Hill.” Called Natalia as the door shut by Maria.

“And how does this girl know my damn name?”

Maria now had four objectives 

1. Find Barton and yell at him

2. Figure out this girls name, who she was and where she came from

3. Find out how much of a threat this girl was to have three different sedatives in her food

4. Get another coffee

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier, east wing. 

Direct coordinates: classified

Date: October 17th

Time: 6:00pm

*maria*

“Barton open this door right now or so help me i-” she was cut off by the door suddenly flinging open.

“Okay, okay, please don't finish that sentence Maria.” Clint had no idea what he would be opening the door to when his binge session of every Sandra Bullock movie ever was interrupted by three firm knocks in quick succession, out of all the guesses he had, angry commander Maria Hill was not one of them. 

“Who is that girl and why didn't you warn me?” Maria half yelled. She should've known not to trust Clint with providing her the important details, and probably should have done her own research before going in the cell, but Fury still had this girl here in a cell and hadn't sent her to the world security council to deal with so she couldn't be too crazy. right? Still, trusting her enough to let her that close and somehow get her gun was a rookie mistake that Maria never would've made normally. There was something about Natalia that had made her trust her. She seemed so genuine. So harmless, but that was obviously not the case. Never underestimate your opponent. Training 101. 

“Because you’re Commander Maria Hill. You're a big girl, you can handle yourself.” Clint seemed composed but deep down he knew he was being stupid. Sending Maria to speak to Natalia with no forewarning… in hindsight not his best decision. He couldn't help but wonder what exactly happened.

“She is your pet project. Your you. I thought she would be like you. You made her sound like a toddler who was scared and wouldn't eat because she was throwing a fit.” Clint snuffed a giggle. 

“You didn't tell her that, did you????” he asked with wide eyes, wondering how Maria was standing in front of him right now. Unless… 

“WAIT YOU DIDNT SHOOT HER DID YOU???” Clint yelled, fear shimmering in his frantic eyes. 

“No stupid.” Maria scorned. “She almost shot me though…” 

“WAHT???” Clint had started pacing his room. “Maria what the heck you are the deputy director of shield. How did Natalia even get a gun?”

“Ah so that's her name. Objective one and two, check.” Clint eyed her with a confused expression. “Nevermind it doesn't matter. Just tell me who the heck this girl is and why she's known how to identify 50 drugs since before 16.”

Clint's eyes went somber at the mention of her background. “Her name is Natalia Romanova. I don't know too much about her past. Most of her file was redacted. The stuff I know is mostly things she has told me personally. She is from Russia. She's been trained as an assassin since she was a small child. Something about children being less expected and therefore watched less. She's never been a willing participant in anything she's done. She's been through substantial amounts of abuse and has so much trauma. But don't ever underestimate her. She has hundreds of kills under her belt. I think she wants to make up for it though. She is trying Maria I promise. I think she's known as the black widow.”

“The black widow?” Maria's eyes widened slightly. Out of both shock and anger. “You mean the black widow who has killed countless Shield agents?” Maria was more than slightly pissed now. Clint let her walk into the cell of not just an ex kgb assassin but arguably one of the deadliest ex kgb assassins who Shield has been trying to track down for months if not years? 

Clint timidly nodded in response, staring intently at the floor.

“Youre not in trouble Barton. You’re just incredibly stupider than I thought.” Maria let out a soft chuckle. As annoying as Clint could be. He really was her favorite stupid recruit.

“Well I have to talk to Fury about why they are drugging her food, and hopefully convince him to stop. We’re never going to get her to do anything we want if she doesn't trust us.” Maria turned on her heel and began walking down the Hallway towards the west wing. 

“Wait what do you mean drugging her??? MARIA?” Clint called out as Maria walked away unfaltering. “You suck Hill.” to which Maria replied by flipping him off behind her and continuing down the hallway. Clint closed the door with a chuckle and a good feeling about Natalia's fate. He trusted Maria to deal with it. Even if all she did was keep her alive, he would be grateful.

———————————

Maria paused at Fury's door. This was a pretty bold move. The worst that could happen is him saying no. Plus when did Maria ever ask for things and when she did, when did he say no?  he stepped forward and placed three solid knocks in quick succession on the wood door of Fury’s office. 

“Come in.” he called, as Maria began twisting the door handle. She opened the door to see the director of shield sitting at his desk, eyeing her with an unreadable expression. Fury was like that sometimes. Unreadable, confusing, mysterious. “Maria. Please, sit down.” His face was still mostly blank except the slight glint of curiosity in his eye. 

Was this a bad idea? Fury is smart, he knows what he is doing. Right? Was questioning him really the smartest thing? Well if Maria Christine Hill was anything, it was bold. “Sir. I'd like to speak with you about Natalia Romanova.” Maria asked, all playfulness from the previous conversation with Clint immediately leaving her tone, as she sat down in the chair across from Fury. 

“Well? Go ahead.” he answered, gaze never faltering. He didn't seem surprised in the least bit despite the fact that it was very unlike Maria to come speak to him out of the blue, unprovoked. Meaning she probably was provoked. Maria liked structure, organization, and consistency.

“It has been brought to my attention that her food is being drugged with two different hypnotic sedatives, and a benzodiazepine, and she is fully aware and refusing to eat.” Maria knew Natalia was useful even if it was just for information. She also knew that Natalia knew she was useful and if she learned anything about Natalia from the hour she spent in her cell she knew Natalia would use that to her own advantage. 

“Hill. We have been tracking her down for years. The only reason we have her in custody is because she came willingly. She is a force to be reckoned with and the little we know about her seems like only the tip of the iceberg. The sedatives are a safety precaution.”

“With all due respect sir. If we ever expect or want her to cooperate we need to build trust with her. From the interactions I've seen and the information I've heard about her past, she has never willingly participated in any of the things she's been charged with. She needs someone to trust and she currently has little to no trust in us.” Maria learned a lot from her interaction with Natalia. She learned she was slightly crazy, annoying, very talented, but also that she was willingly there, and she didn't seriously want to do any real harm considering she didn't shoot Maria when she had ample opportunity, nor had she caused any issues unprovoked which she also had ample opportunity to. She was self preserving to a fault which if anything gave an idea into what her life has looked like. 

“I understand. What do you suggest our next steps be Agent Hill? It is unclear as to whether she was a willing participant or not as we have yet to interrogate her.” Fury trusted Maria with his life. There's a reason he named her his 2ic. He valued her opinion but The Black Widow was dangerous and this was not a subject to be taken lightly. 

“An interrogation is needed so we might as well get that out of the way. She has information that would be very valuable to us. Since we still know virtually nothing about her I would suggest a polygraph as well. After that, if she proves to have good intentions, we speak to her about becoming an agent, stop the drugging, and give her a little more freedom. I would be willing to supervise if needed.” Maria didn't know why she was agreeing to this or rallying for Natalia at all. She had too much to do to be taking on a project (especially one who pulled a gun on her), but there was something about this girl. There was something wrong. It was like beneath her hard exterior, she was silently screaming for someone to help her. For some reason it was like she called Maria. 

“Well what are you waiting for then? Go ahead. I trust you.” Fury answered with a nod of his head towards the door. “Oh and tell Barton he's safe this time but if he pulls something like this ever again I will station him at a desk job in Alaska for the foreseeable future.” 

Maria stood to her feet and left the room with a chuckle. Objectives one two and three, check. Now she only had one more thing to do before she got to work on setting up the interrogation, arguably the most important thing. Get a coffee.

———————————

Location: helicarrier, basement. 

Direct coordinates: classified. 

Date: October 17th. 

Time: 7:30am.

*Natalia*

Instead of breakfast being slid through the slide in the door this morning, the steel door swung open revealing Addler, Ben, a guard she has never seen before, two agents (first was tall, blonde, broad, muscular, carried herself very cocky, seemed like an outgoing person, a little too bubbly for Natalia's liking. The second was shorter, around the same height as natalia, longer dark hair, very quiet, aware of her skills, confident, but not cocky.) and two scientists who looked to be no older than 19. Addler made his way into the room quickly. Pulled Natalia off her bed and roughly secured handcuffs around her wrist, which Natalia allowed with no pushback (mostly because she was curious where they were taking her.) 

She was then shoved into the hallway, a hand placed on each of her shoulders by the agents, and flanked by the three guards, the two scientists closely in tow.  They walked her down multiple hallways, up a flight of stairs and through more hallways before they finally came to a door. She carefully took note of every turn they made and filed it away in her brain for future references, as she slowly pieced together her mental map of this place. 

After standing in front of the door for around two minutes, Maria Hill showed up and unlocked the door, pushing it open to reveal an interrogation room. Natalia knew this was coming at some point but it didn't make it any easier. She had been trained to withstand extreme conditions and torture, she could handle “the good guys” right? She hadn't been here long enough to know how they worked. How did they feel about torture? No matter how much practice you had or how many times you had been tortured or interrogated, it never got easier. Where did they draw the line? Was there even a line? 

Either way she wouldn't let her unease peak through.  “Show no weakness Золотце” Madame’s words rang in her ear as she was sat down in the chair and cuffed to the table, the nickname causing an invisible shudder to run down her spine.

The room was unnecessarily cold but she'd been in worse and had no doubt it would get colder as the interrogation went on. The red room loved to save as much money on ac and heat as they could, even in the dead of Russian winter. 

The cool room was an interrogation tactic Natalia was accustomed to. Kind of a good cop bad cop move except the room itself was the bad cop in this situation. It was meant to make the prisoner uncomfortable enough that they would be willing to trade what they had in order to get out of the room faster. 

Natalia sat there alone, thinking for about 30 minutes. Another interrogation tactic. Jokes on them, they didn't need to do any of this, if they proved themselves trustworthy to Natalia she would tell them everything they needed to know. It wasn't like she had anything left to lose.

Finally the door opened revealing a man Natalia hadn't met before. He looked like an agent rather than the usual guard. Not too tall, dark hair, somewhere in his 50s or 60s most likely. He seemed kind. The most surprising thing was that he didn't seem scared of her. Not in the least. Even if they didn't show it on the outside, everyone else had that slight glint of fear in their eyes when they neared her. Not this guy. He was oddly calm. Natalia knew looks could be deceiving though. She's living breathing proof of that. This could be the most ruthless man on the planet for all she knew. Natalia couldn't and wouldn't let her guard down. She was ready for and even anticipating everything that had already transpired. What she wasn't anticipating was what happened next. 

Maria Hill pulled the door open and in strolled the two scientists who had followed them down the hallway, with a cart of what looked to be the equipment for a polygraph test. Natalia almost laughed out loud. She was expecting violence not a half accurate “lie detector” ; she'd successfully cheated dozens of polygraphs in her lifetime. This one would be no different if she so chose, but what was the point. There was no reason to lie to Shield. She fled the red room. Her options are die here, or have the red room track her down and take her back or kill her. Those options aren’t going to change by her not spilling the secrets of the red room. Maybe telling the truth will help wipe some of the red off her ledger. That's why she was here right? To do better. To be better. 

After the sensors and the blood pressure cuff were secured the scientists sat down on the other side of the table behind the computer and the man began asking his questions.

Natalia knew the first 3-5 questions were going to be very basic, trying to calculate her baseline activity by asking questions they knew the answer to so they could refer back to her activity to decide if she was lying with the harder questions. 

“What is your full name?” 

“Natalia Alianovna Romanova.” 

“When were you born?”

“Supposedly December 3rd 1984 but the day and month could be wrong. The only thing I'm sure about is the year.”

The man shoots her a suspicious look but continues anyway.

“Where are you from?”

“Europe? Russia? My mothers womb? You have to be more specific.” she answered with a familiar satisfied smirk. 

“Ms Romanova, please.” 

“Fine, fine. I was trafficked to the Red Room when I was four which was where I was trained until 17 when I graduated and became a field agent.” 

The man glanced at the scientists who each gave a slight nod. Natalia’s signal that they were shifting gears. Her baseline was calculated and now they were moving on to the real questions. The ones she would have to not just think for but allow herself to remember. Allow herself to think back to that horrible place that she had shoved all memories of in a box deep down. 

“Ms Romanova, have you ever been loyal to the Red Room?”

“Unforced, no. Forced is a different story.”

A small nod from the scientists had the man continuing..

“Have you had contact with any Red Room operative in the last two weeks?” 

“How do you expect me to do that locked up in that cell?”

“Answer the question please Mrs Romanova.”

“Okay, okay, no of course not.” 

“Do you have any living family natalia? Someone that you might have contacted at some point? If so, are they connected to the red room at all.”

A somber look filled her eyes. “No. no family.”

“You were known as the black widow, correct?”

“Yes”

“And why is that?”

“All of the red room graduates are widows, even black widows, but I was the black widow because I was “the best ". I was Dreykovs favorite, and I scored higher on every test and showed more potential than anyone exce-” she immediately cut herself off, realizing her mistake.

“Except who natalia?”

“Except no one. I had the most potential. I scored the highest. I was the best. Case closed.” Natalia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, all she could see was those chubby cheeks and a flash of blonde hair. 

She opened her eyes and glanced up to see one of the scientists (the woman, her keycard said Simmons) nod her head.

“It's the truth sir.” she said a little skeptically to the man who was asking the questions, her British accent slipping out, while shooting natalia a quick glance.

Natalia sighed, a small smile playing on her lips. She'd done it again. Not that she had any doubt she could do it. She was trained to be able to cheat polygraphs, but this wasn't really cheating was it? It's not lying when the person she was thinking of is dead right? 

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier, west wing.

Direct coordinates: classified.

Date: October 17th.

Time: 11am.

*maria*

For the second time in 24hrs Maria found herself knocking on the door of Nick Fury's office. As she raised her hand to knock she heard a voice. “Hill, stop standing there and just come inside to ask your inevitable question so I can get back to work.”

She opened the door, strolled into the office with a folder, and sat herself in the chair opposite director Fury. “Sir. We went ahead with the polygraph this morning and after a couple of hours of questioning we are satisfied with the answers we received. Here are the polygraph results, the questions and answers we received, and all the information we acquired from her regarding the red room.”

“Thank you Maria. That's not all you wanted though is it?” asked Futy with a raised eyebrow.  He knows Maria too well to think that's all she needed. She has enough of her own work to do and unless she wanted something specific there was no way in hell she would be delivering this information herself. At the very most she would've sent Barton or Morse but never deliver it herself. 

“Sir, she has proven herself trustworthy. I am requesting she be allowed out of her cell.”

“under a watchful eye. With rules and a specific timeline.” Maria quickly added after being met with an unimpressed look. 

“Fine. But please don't make me regret this. Oh and I'm putting you in charge of deciding who gets to take her out. I would suggest Barton.”

“Thank you and I will keep that in mind.”

“Get out of my office Hill.”

Why was Maria taking such an interest in this? All it was doing for her was piling her work higher while she dealt with everything. But Barton was her “friend” and if Natalia ever became a recruit than Maria would probably have less rookies to yell at because either Romanova would do it herself or Romanova would be the one getting yelled at. Either way less than the current number. 

Maria was itching to get back to her work, but she still had one more stop to make.

“Barton! Meet me in my office in five minutes.” yelled Commander Hill as she stuck her head in the door of the range. She heard a chorus of “ooos” and "you're in trouble”s (probably from Morse and Carter) as she turned to head to her office.

“Come on Maria! I haven't done anything wrong in like forever.” Clint announced his presence in Maria's office with a stomp. Maria had to stop a giggle as the realization that he looked remarkably like a toddler popped into her head.

“Yes because bringing in a wanted assassin with no previous warning is ‘nothing wrong’” Maria answered with an eyeroll. “Anyway. I convinced Fury to agree to allow your rabbit out of her cage for the afternoon.” she added barely looking up from her paperwork.

Clint stopped dead in his tracks. “Maria, are you being serious because I swear.”

“Barton, when do I joke?”

“Maria, have I ever told you how amazing you are?”

“Clint please don't make me regret rallying for her. She can be out from 4-6. You may take her anywhere that is clearance level one but no higher than that. You will put this tracker on her wrist and take it off when she is returned to her cell and you will have at least one other agent with you whom you may choose. Don't let her kill anyone. Don't get her killed. Get out of my office.”

Clint gave Maria a thankful smile as he turned to head out of her office. Finally allowing Maria to turn back to her work. The stacks of paperwork had at least tripled. Surprisingly neither her phone nor her pager went off while she was absent, so the paperwork was her current focus, until 5:30 when she got a call from Bobbi Morse.

Instead of Bobbi’s usual cheerful self, Maria was met with a sharp voice and clipped words.

“Hill. You’re needed. Basement, Natalia’s cell. Hurry.” 

Maria immediately snapped into Commander Hill mode. Whatever just happened was serious. Bobbi tried to keep herself composed but Maria had been working with her long enough to pick up that slight shake of fear in her voice. 

She practically ran down the stairs towards the basement, not knowing what to expect when she turned the corner toward the cells.

The first person that came into view was Clint. “Barton. Report. Now.” Barked Maria, sounding a lot like the marine she used to be. 

Clint was obviously a little shaken. “Maria I’m sorry I tried I promise-”

“Barton. Report.” Maria snapped. Clint had been with Shield for years and a higher up, even if it was one he considered a “friend” telling him “report” would normally have him jumping into a mission report like rundown of whatever had just transpired but he had clearly been shaken by this unknown situation.

He looked up, meeting Maria’s eyes as he seemed to come back down to earth. “Everything was going fine. We even took her to the caf. We got a few dirty looks and a couple fearful ones but it didn’t go any farther than that until we left. Me and Bobs were gonna give her a tour of the gym and the range but then someone tapped her on the shoulder. I realized she had turned around to face whoever it was and followed suit in time to see a rookie recruit take a swing on her. It was hard and I’m pretty sure it broke her nose. Anyway, she did it so fast I barely registered what happened and-”

“Slow down Barton. She did what so fast?”

“She dislocated his shoulder. He screamed and fell to the floor writhing in pain and then he went into this rant of cussing her out and calling her a slut and an ice bitch and a child killer and Ria you should’ve seen the look on her face. I think she had a flashback or something because she just went still and then ran off. We couldn’t find her and searched for a good fifteen minutes before checking the security cameras and realizing she ran right back to her cell. She got hysterical and wrecked her room. She’s a threat right now. Not just to others but to herself.”

“I will handle it. You two go get cleaned up and calmed down.”

Maria approached the door of Natalia’s cell and opened it with caution. She wasn’t scared of her but she also wasn’t stupid. She looked in to see that Barton wasn’t lying. The room was trashed. After a quick glance around Maria found Natalia sitting on the floor next to the bed. Back ramrod straight, hands clasped behind her. Her face was tear streaked, her nose wasn’t at an odd angle but the slight trace of blood on her upper lip and the swelling proved Barton was probably also correct about the broken nose. At first glance Maria could see the expression on Natalia’s face but when Natalia recognized that the person who opened the door was the deputy director, she quickly slammed a blank mask over her emotions. It was kind of unsettling how quickly and effectively she did it. 

Maria stood in the doorway staring intently at Natalia for about five seconds before turning around and taking a step into the hallway. “What are you waiting for Romanova? Let’s go.”

Natalia stood up and immediately fell in to step behind Maria. She hadn’t meant to do any of the things she did today. She wrecked her chances. Again. And now she had the deputy director of Shield leading her down the hallways to God knows where for her punishment of God knows what. All she knew was that she was going to keep her word to herself and never give them the satisfaction of hearing her scream no matter what they did. 

Maria’s brisk pace slowed to a stop in front of a door, causing Natalia (who’s mind was drifting) to snap back to reality and skid to a halt just in time to stop herself from running into Maria’s back.

Maria opened the door and stepped into a room the size of a soccer field. It had what looked to be a military obstacle course standing in the middle. 

“What are we doing here..?” Asked Natalia hesitantly.

“You’re gonna run it until you fall over from exhaustion or get out whatever’s gotten into you. It’s normally meant for new recruits to teach them how to work as a team but I’m aware of your skills and confident you can do it yourself.”

Natalia stood there dumbfounded. What was this place? If she had put on a show like that at the red room she’d have been beaten silly but Shield is allowing her to exercise? This was a reward not a punishment. She had been itching to get out of that cell and move her body somehow. This was perfect. 

“What are you waiting for, recruit? Did I not just give you an order? Get your ass in gear. Now.”

This was a side of Maria Natalia hadn’t seen before and she had to admit it was kind of nice to fall back into the mindset of an agent trying to impress a superior.

Natalia finished quickly and with ease. The adrenaline of the exercise rushing through her veins. 

“A minute?? You can do better than that. Run it again, let’s go.”

Maria stood watching Natalia run the course over and over again nonstop for almost an hour with an unsettling lack of struggle, before she felt the need to step in when Natalia’s breathing sounded hindered and her time had slightly increased instead of decreased. 

“You’re done now. Let's go Natalia.” Maria left the gym without turning back to see if she was being followed. Natalia silently caught up to Maria in the hall and swiftly fell in step behind her.

They walked through hallways and stairwells that Natalia hadn’t seen before. Her mental map of the building was growing quickly. They stopped at a door to what looked to be an office. 

Maria dug out her keys, unlocked the door, and strolled into the room, taking her place behind the desk. Natalia followed suit but instead stood on the other side of the desk, head downcast on the floor, still expecting her real punishment to come anytime now. 

“Natalia. What are you doing? You just ran the course for an hour, sit. Oh and here.” Maria pointed her sentence by tossing a protein bar admittedly a little too hard at Natalia which she, to Maria’s surprise, caught without looking.

Natalia took a seat on the couch by the door of Maria’s office, and busied herself by checking the seals on the protein bar before opening it and inspecting it. 

“It’s not poisoned if that’s what you’re wondering.” Maria added, not glancing up from the paperwork she had put her focus on when she sat down. 

Natalia shot her a playful glare. “Well with my limited experience from shield and food i would say my caution is not unwarranted.” 

They sat in comfortable silence for a couple minutes while Natalia ate her protein bar and Maria finally made a dent in her paperwork. 

“Why did you stop me?” 

“Because you had been running the course for an hour and you were getting tired.”

“I didn’t exhibit that I was tired.”

“Your time had improved every run except that one and your breathing slightly hitched. And again you had been running it nonstop for an hour, it’s normally done by teams and their sessions don’t typically exceed 45 minutes without small breaks.” 

“I could’ve gone longer.” Natalia looked slightly offended at the insinuation that she was winded.

“Well I'm sorry that shield doesn’t like to incapacitate their agents.”

“I’m not an agent.”

Maria let out an unimpressed mmm

Natalia stood and drew herself to her full height, schooling her face into a glare and hiding the slight shake in her hands. “Can we be done with the suspense and just get this over with.” The way Natalia's countenance shifted so quickly almost gave Maria whiplash. 

“Get what over with?” She asked with a raised eyebrow and a slightly confused expression.

“My real punishment. I dislocated his shoulder and wrecked my room and frankly that course was a reward not a punishment especially with how early you stopped me.” 

Maria’s features softened slightly. “Natalia he broke your nose and cussed you out. Running the course wasn’t a punishment. I could tell you needed something and a pitying listening ear was not it.”

“I reset my nose and best believe it wasn’t the first time. You people are so weird. If I had displayed that lack of control of myself in the red room or hit a man, any man… nevermind.”

“Natalia, he hit you first. You were defending yourself.” 

“Let’s just say the red room is a very different place than Shield. If you aren’t going to torture me, can you take me back to my cell?” 

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier 

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: October 31st 

Time: 8:00am

*maria*

Natalia needed to get out of her cell for at least thirty minutes a day every other day. She turned herself in and hadn't killed anyone since she got here. She deserved to get out of that cell at least every once in a while. Plus it was easy to tell she had a very physically trying schedule in the Red Room and the complete lack of training she was doing here was not helping her mentally.

The problem was, after the last incident, Maria did not trust anyone to take her out unless she herself was accompanying. Which meant for the past two weeks her heavy work schedule had to be moved around to babysit Barton and his pet assassin but all that was about to change (kind of).

This morning at 7:00 Maria got a call into Fury’s office. When she arrived he delivered the news that after careful consideration, if Natalia was willing to sign a very specific contract and remain under watchful eye on probation, she may begin the switch from a prisoner to a trainee.

After receiving the news, Maria had spent the next forty five minutes completing the paperwork that Fury had given her to do before Natalia could sign her contract. 

With paperwork filed and contract in hand, Maria began to make her way down the hallways and towards the basement. 

It was oddly quiet for 8:00. Lectures and training started at 8:15 so the halls were usually buzzing by now, but Maria noticed that the halls were bare save for a few stragglers. 

Maria decided to make a detour so that her path would take her right past the training rooms. As she walked by Room A she opened the door and stepped into the seemingly empty room, only to be bombarded by agents dressed in costumes and carrying fake weapons “attempting” to jump scare her. 

She replied to the attempt with a stern glare. These were clearance 2 agents. Just babies. Not young enough that they still acted like cocky teenagers but not old enough to be used to Commander Hill. The perfect amount of scared that just one glare from Maria would send them all scrambling into apologies with fear glinting in their eyes. 

Maria glanced around the room as the agents began to shy away and mumble excuses about how they thought she was their trainer and apologies. 

It wasn't until an agent dropped his fake blood spattered knife, that Maria fully processed the costumes.

Oh. Oh no.

What day was it? Maria looked down at her watch to see the big 10-31 blinking up at her.

Fuck

Halloween. The perfect day to introduce a jumpy, not good with change, ex assassin into the world of Shield. 

This was going to be a lot harder than Maria anticipated, but what’s better than a good challenge? Probably sleep and a good meal but a challenge is a close second, and if you asked Maria Hill, sleep and real food are totally overrated. 

After her detour Maria finally made her way to the basement; where she found Natalia sitting on her bed in silence. Legs crossed, hands clasped behind her back, eyes focused on her reflection in the two way mirror on the wall and if it was anyone else Maria would think her sudden presence in the room had gone unnoticed but this wasn’t anyone this was Natalia Romanova. 

Maria knew Natalia had been aware of her presence before she made it all the way down the hall. 

“You know that no amount of staring down that mirror will scare it into letting you see what’s on the other side right?”

Natalia slightly jumped at the voice; her demeanor quickly changing. As if Maria’s voice had brought her out of some sort of trance. 

“Oh sorry. We didn’t really have mirrors in the Red Room so I didn’t get to see my reflection often. It sounds weird but sometimes I almost forgot what I looked like.” She shot an almost wistful glance towards the two way mirror. 

This was new territory for Maria. Since Natalia arrived, she’d shared some odd things about the red room such as the poison training, but she always did it with an air of nonchalance like it was just day to day life. She seemed to enjoy the shocked glances sent her way. But this was different. She was offering a piece of information about herself almost voluntarily. 

Maria felt the need to tread lightly but before she could reply Natalia hopped off the bed gracefully and schooled her face into a smirk that had become very familiar to Maria in the past two weeks.

“Missed me so much that you couldn’t stay away for more than 24hrs huh?” And with that the moment was broken and Natalia was back to her usual snarky cocky self. 

Maria had to hold back an eye roll. “Natalia, I was speaking to director fury about you this morning-“

“Wow Commander, you're more obsessed than I thought. Talking to your friends about me.”

This girl was insufferable. Maria wouldn’t be in this position if she hadn’t been nice to Barton. In hindsight she should’ve just told him to get back to his work when he poked his head in her office two weeks ago but it was too late now wasn’t it. Being nice to Barton was the root of all problems.

“Romanova. You may be as annoying as you want and by all means test Barton’s patience until he cracks but don’t have time for games.” 

Looking back on this in the future, Maria would realize using the word games wouldn’t be her brightest moment considering Natalia loved a good challenge.

“After careful consideration, Fury has agreed to allow you to begin your process of transferring from a prisoner to an on probation, clearance 1 recruit.” 

Maria watched as Natalia’s features subtly morphed into surprise before they quickly returned to normal. 

“You will be under very careful supervision and have to sign a very specific contract but you’ll get out of this cell and technically no longer be a prisoner, though you’ll have to earn your trust and work your way up. It won’t be easy” Maria tossed the manilla folder with Natalia’s contract onto the bed. 

“Nothing in life ever has been.” Natalia answered with a sad smile as she sat on the bed to review the contract. 

“You’re allowing me out of this cell when the only interrogation I’ve been given was a lousy polygraph?” She averted her gaze before quietly mumbling “I knew Shield was stupid but I didn’t think you were that stupid.”

Maria gave her a look that was surprisingly akin to that of an annoyed mother. “Are you here to ‘take down Shield’?”  

“You never know” the only reply she was graced with was a raised eyebrow, and a pen for her to sign the contract tossed towards her head.

“Fine. No, but what if I was?”

“Read your contract and you’ll see that your situation will be very similar to that of a well loved  prisoner. You have to earn your trust and in turn your freedom.” 

“Anything’s better than where I came from.” Natalia glanced at Maria before looking down at her contract once more and signing in three places. 

“Plus it’s not like you could get out of here if you tried.” Maria added before turning and walking out of the cell, beckoning Natalia to follow. 

“I highly doubt that. You do know that I escaped the highest security human trafficking ring that trains the “best assassins" correct?” Natalia added as she followed Maria, newly signed contract in hand. 

They stopped at the end of the corridor where the heavy steel doors with a scanner and two guards sat. “Better thank me boys, I’m taking your most annoying (and only) charge off your hands for the foreseeable future.” Maria faux grimaced as she scanned her keycard, pushed open the heavy doors and continued down the hall. 

They headed up the stairs and towards the east wing, where Natalia’s quarters would be. To Maria’s surprise and relief, they met no Halloween celebrating agents on the way. 

Maria beckoned Natalia into her new room and began showing her around. 

“These are your quarters. Barton is next door. This is a tracking bracelet. It will alert us if you take it off. It’s waterproof so you don’t have to worry about it.” 

Maria quickly finished her tour of Natalia’s room before turning on her heel to head back to work. “I will leave you to get settled in and will be back in an hour to give you a tour of the rest of the helicarrier.”

“Do you mean to tell me we are in the air??”

Maria almost laughed at the look on Natalia’s face. “Yes of course. Wow you haven’t seen a window since you got here have you?”

“No.” Natalia shrugged.

“Well you have at least two in your room. Just don’t try to jump out of one. That’s too much paperwork that would inevitably become my responsibility.” 

Maria went back to her office, leaving Natalia to her own devices. 

*Natalia*

The large room that should feel freeing, felt almost suffocating. The two weeks she had spent in the cell were the longest she had been alone but it was different. She knew she wasn’t truly alone. The guards were outside and the cameras were there.

Here she was truly alone. She was trusted(ish) to be truly alone. Since she was four (minus Ohio) Natalia had lived in a dorm with at least twenty other girls. But not here. This place was hers and hers alone. The door had a lock that worked and a kitchenette that she could watch her food be made in. 

She crossed the room and sat on the bed. Looking it over. The headboard was an ideal place to clasp a handcuff. Now all she had to do was get her hands on a pair. 

 ————————————-

The first thing Natalia did after settling in was sweep the room for bugs and cameras. She quickly fell into the familiar rhythm, checking all the corners and crevices. She was about to move on to checking the locks on the door and windows when a knock pulled her out of her practiced routine. 

She strode to the door, the persistent knocking only succeeding in slowing her stride to an annoyingly sedated pace. 

She opened the door and what happened next was mostly a blur. 

Clint Barton was standing in front of her door, dressed as a ghost holding a fake knife above his head, a crazed look in his eyes. 

The adrenaline kicked in too fast for Natalia to clock the makeshift bedsheet costume, the knife being fake, or agent Morse standing off to the side with a camera and a grin plastered on her face. 

Her vision blurred at the edges, adrenaline thrumming in her veins. The only things running through her head were

Knife

disarm the assailant

You get to them before they get to you

Take the upper hand and use it

The memories of training flooded back through her mind like a slideshow. Rapidly switching between each memory. They all showed so many similarities, if she hadn't known better she would write them off as the same one. Convince herself her mind was tricking her but she knew. She felt the blood of each and every one on her hands. The guilt and pain for every individual girl. 

The movement was familiar, disarm the assailant, turn them around, hold the knife to their throat. Feel the blood beading under the knife before she opened her eyes to see the inevitable nod of the head from whichever Madame was in charge at that moment telling her to finish it off.

 Except this time something wasn't right. The knife was too flimsy. There was no warm blood or smell of copper. When she opened her eyes it was blurry but she could tell the walls weren't bright white or red. The floor wasn't concrete and there was no Madame. 

Her eyes focused on a figure in front of her. A woman. Not a Madame. She blinked rapidly. 

Bobbi Morse. 

Everything fell into place at the same time. 

She dropped the knife and shoved Barton away from her in one quick movement. Instinctually backing up against the door. She ran a hand through her auburn waves, collecting herself, before she shot Barton a sharp glare.

“What the hell was that!?” she yelled, her voice hoarse and shaky.

Barton, still trying to work out what just happened hung his head slightly before replying “sorry Nat, we were looking for people to scare and you're usually a really good sport with jokes so i didn't think this would be an issue. If I would have known it would bother you like that I wouldn't have even thought about it.” 

Natalia instinctively straightened up, smoothing out her sweatshirt and composing herself. “Yes, because attempting to scare the trained assassin is totally a smart thought we should act on.” 

Bobbi let out a snort from her post in the corner of the hall. 

“And you too little miss giggly. You better be glad I didn't have any real weapons on me or I'd be figuring out what to do with two dead bodies at 45,000 feet.” Natalia added. “Why are you even wearing a stupid bed sheet Barton?”

“Nat, it's the 31st.” Clint replied. The implied “obviously” clearly in his tone. Like simply stating the date answered all of her questions.

“Yes, Clinton and I met the man who killed JFK. Now if we’re done sharing well known facts then let’s get back to why you were holding a knife to my head??” Her eyes narrowed at the last word in her sentence. 

“Okay come on Nat it was fake.” He looked at her with puppy dog eyes before he abruptly processed the first half of her sentence. “Natalia… did you say ‘killed JFK?????’ How is that well known knowledge!?”

“Yeah, yeah, he was my handler when I was 17.” She answered as she backed into her room and began closing the door which was immediately stopped by a boot. 

“It’s Halloween Nat.” 

“Stop making up words Barton.” She rolled her eyes and again attempted to close to the door but this time Bobbi held it open with her hand, allowing Clint to step in with Bobs following suit quickly after. 

“You have to be playing with me right now. There’s no way you don’t know what Halloween is right? Clint, where the heck did you find this girl?” She quickly glances back and forth between the two people standing in front of her. 

“Oh!” A flash of recognition crossed her face “Хэллоуин” she answered with a snap of the fingers. [halloween]

Natalia noticed Bobbi slightly raise her eyebrows at the pronunciation. 

“The children’s holiday?”

“Well not specifically no. Adults celebrate it all the time.”

“I have literally never seen anyone over the age of five celebrate.” 

“Wait so you’ve never celebrated Halloween?”

“Yes, because the red room always was the biggest fan of us taking days off, or having fun, or celebrating holidays. I’ve been adjacent to Halloween three times in my life and that was only for the sake of… nevermind. Holidays are stupid.” 

“Natalia let us do you the honor of showing you how amazing Halloween can be. It’s literally the best holiday.”

“Will it get you two off my back if I say yes?”

“No promises. Get ready. We will meet you back here at 10:30 with a plan. I’ll tell Maria I will take you on your tour and she can continue being her workaholic self.”

Natalia finally shut and locked the door as Clint and Bobbi left only to quickly open it again to yell “HEY WAIT BARTON NO WAY AM I DRESSING UP”

“We’ll see!” He yelled out, not even turning around to look at Nat.

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier, outside of Natalia’s room

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: October 31st

Time: 10:31

*clint*

“Barton, do you think this is a good idea? Maria will kill us if something goes wrong”

“It’s fine, Bobs. We can handle her by ourselves.”

“That’s what you said last time… also who says Hill is even gonna say yes?”

“Guess we better figure it out before I knock on this door.” 

Bobbi watched as Clint pulled out his phone, finger hovering over Maria’s contact, reassuring himself with a mumbled “this is a great idea.” Before pressing the call button and putting it on speaker.

After three rings an exasperated Maria picked up the phone. “This better be good Barton. I do not have any time for distractions. My day is too busy.” 

“Well I was wonderi-“ Clint was cut off by a scream echoing on Maria’s end of the call. “Maria? What’s going on, are you okay?”

“These damn agents and Halloween!” Maria muttered into the phone before chewing out a rookie “I swear to God Burkley if I catch you pulling something again you’ll be scrubbing the locker room with a toothbrush for two months.” 

“Maria, it seems like you have a lot on your hands.. Me and Bobbie can take Natalia on her tour of the place if you want.” offered Clint, successfully turning his request around to look like he was offering his help rather than begging for permission. 

“Fine but you know i would normally never do this and if you fuck it up again i will have your heads. Yes you two Morse i know youre listening in on this.”

“Come on Ria we’ve totally got this.”

“Mhm sure.” Maria added skeptically before pulling the phone away from her ear to yell at another recruit “if I see more fake blood at all today I will add some real blood to that mix.” Clint took that as his cue to hang up, immediately making eye contact with Bobbi and dissolving into a fit of laughter. 

“Bobs, that's it!”

“What?”

“As Nat’s first halloween scare, we've gotta sic her on Maria.” 

“Clint! Do you want the poor girl to die?”

“Which one?” 

“Let's just get Natalia.” 

Clint raised his arm to knock. Only getting one of the three planned knocks in before the door gently swung open, revealing a casual but somehow still perfectly put together Nat. She was dressed in her Shield issued sweats, and a Shield t-shirt; her hair pulled back into two dutch braids that braid together into one at the nape of her neck. 

“You two are six minutes late.” she scolded as she opened the door farther, inviting them inside and then taking her seat on the floor in front of the coffee table. 

“Well technically we got here on time, we were just standing outside the door, calling Maria to let her know that we could take you off her hands.” Clint defended as he took his place next to Nat on the carpet, Bobbi standing behind them. 

“Wrong.”

“What do you mean wrong?” Bobbi raised her eyebrows.

“I mean you weren't here on time. It's 10:37. You said you would be here at 10:30, you got here six minutes ago. If we’re counting you two standing outside my door as ‘here’ then you were still a minute late.”

Clint snuffed a laugh. “Details, details. Moving on to integrating you into halloween. You need a costume, you're gonna do an epic scare, and then we will end the night by watching a marathon of the greatest horror movies of all time. 

“A scare huh? That I can get behind. The costume is not happening though.”

“We’ll see.” 

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a minute before Bobbi broke the silence by asking the question both her and Clint had been wondering since their conversation that morning. “You’re telling me you've really never celebrated halloween?”

A memory of two kids chasing each other around the neighborhood immediately was drawn to her mind. The smaller of the two, blond hair whipping in the wind, showed off her my little pony costume to everyone who walked past. The older of the two whose short hair was now tinted blue to match her Leonardo costume, was chasing her little sister and apologizing to everyone for “bothering” them. Smiles danced on their faces as they ran around without a care in the world. 

Natalia quickly shook the memory out of her head. “Nope, never.”

“Thats insane. I can't imagine my childhood without Halloween.”

Natalia sobered slightly, realizing just how little they knew of her life in the Red Room. That's the way she wants it though. People looking at her with that pity in their eyes made her stomach twist uncomfortably. She much preferred the reactions she receives when throwing out random trauma like its everyday life. 

Probably because for her, it was everyday life.

She'd take shocked or even angry over pity any day. She didn't have enough experience with pity. It was new, different, unpredictable. Unpredictable is dangerous. 

The sound of Clint’s voice pulled Natalia out of her thoughts. “Okay so we have to work out a plan for your scare. Who, what, when, and how.”

Clint and Bobbi made eye contact from across the room and immediately began laughing their heads off. To which Natalia replied with a small raise of an eyebrow. 

“Sorry, we were just laughing about earlier. Clint jokingly suggested you should scare Maria after we witnessed her chewing out more than one agent for halloween shenanigans.” 

“I’ll do it.” She deadpanned thinking about the time she held a gun to Maria’s head in her cell. 

“Nah it's fine Nat i was just joking.” 

“No, I mean I really will do it. Sounds like a fun challenge.”

“Nat, Maria Hill doesn't get scared. Plus if you managed to scare her we’d all be dead.”

“Sorry Clint, you put the idea in my head and now I have to follow through. With your help or without.” she added with a shrug. Her smirk falling into place. “So, are you in or not?” she asked, getting up from the floor and making her way to the kitchen. 

“Welp she seems pretty determined. If we’re gonna be dead we might as well be dead together.” answered Bobbi turning to Clint. 

“Yeah, I mean what's the worst that can happen right?”

---------------------------------------------

After an hour of arguing Clint and Bobbi finally found a costume Natalia didn’t immediately veto. Kim Possible. It was pretty easy to put together and fully matched Nats vibe.

She stood in the doorway after changing, showing off her “costume” to her critics. A pair of Clint’s green cargos, a black long sleeve crop that Bobbi got from who knows where, cargo boots and gloves. 

“You said she goes on missions dressed like this?” Nat asked with a raised eyebrow and a disapproving squint. “no part of this outfit is effective except possibly the boots depending on the mission.”

“Clint this girl has literally no pop culture knowledge, we have to fix this.” 

“Yeah yeah remember we are showing her some good horror movies tonight. Now on to the plan.”

The counter of the small kitchenette was covered with a quickly scrawled map of the building (they never got around to taking Nat on that tour) , a map of the vents, and a step by step plan.

“Okay Bobbi, you’ll get all the agents away from the offices, get the rat recording, and then stand guard.” Clint began going over the plan.

“This is so childish.” Natalia interrupted with an eye roll.

“Hey man you’re the one who peer pressured us into pranking Ria as the scare. If we die it’s on your conscience.” 

“I would hardly call it peer pressure because you two are hardly my peers and oh no how will I ever handle the guilt of two more people added to my already uncountable body count. That would suck so bad. Probably ruin my life.” 

Clint had somewhat gotten used to Natalia’s sense of humor and rolled his eyes. Bobbi on the other hand was still fairly shocked by the casualness of her trauma dumps.

“Okay Romanova, just say you hate us. Moving on. Nat you will meet Bobbi and get the recording here” he points to a marked point on the map of the helicarrier and then another one on the map of the vents. “And enter the vents here. Maria’s office is right here” this time he points to an exed out skull drawing over a room on the map. “When you make it there, make some noise in the vents until you annoy her enough that she thinks it’s me. I will be standing outside the door of her office and when I hear her I will knock, peek my head in, hand her some finished paperwork, and inform her about the rats. As soon as you hear rats you play the recording. Then I will leave, you will drop out of the vent and… wait what are you going to do?”

“Don’t you worry Barton, I've got it under control.” she smiled a very soft, slightly evil smile and let out an almost amused chuckle, that somehow still managed to sound maniacal.”

“Natalia, have I ever told you that you are terrifying?”

“Yes, thank you. I try.” 

“You have your ski mask in your pocket right? I don't want Maria figuring out who did this.”“Yes of course.” Natalia looked back and forth between the two people in front of her. “You two really are scared of her aren't you?” she asked with a laugh and shocked, slightly disapproving eyes.

“YES!!” replied Clint and Bobbi in unison.

“Okay, let's get this show on the road.” 

The three musketeers walked out of Natalia’s room and headed towards their respective positions to begin their mission. 

The first thing Clint did was double check to make sure Maria was in her office (she was). He then took his post outside of the door, getting rid of every person that attempted to speak to her.

Bobbi downloaded the rat sounds and then headed towards the storage closet to meet Natalia and help her get into the vents. When she got there she handed off the phone and when she offered a helping hand Natalia scoffed before gracefully climbing into the vent on her own. 

Natalia slipped her ski mask on and followed the picture of the map of the vents in her brain all the way to Maria's office. A right, a left, a left and then straight ahead. At about five feet out she went against all her instincts and began to make noise. 

She heard Maria’s voice ring out from under her almost immediately “Barton, I thought I told you to keep your ass out of the vents above my office.” 

And just on time a knock on the door rang out.

“Thank you Clint” Natalia whispered as she watched the scene through the vent. 

“Come in” Maria called as Clint poked his head through the door. 

“Here's the paperwork I said I would get to you Maria.”

“Clint?” 

“That my name, don't wear it out.” Clint smirked as he glanced up to the vent.

“If you're here then who is in the vent????”

“Oh you didn't hear? A rat from the lab got loose.” he again looked up to the vent. The signal for Nat to play the recording. 

The small squeaks and scurrying noises rang out from the vent as Natalia hit play. “Oh great” Maria rolled her eyes. “Another thing to do around here.”

“I will let you deal with that.” Clint chuckled as he quickly shuffled out of the office and gave Bobbi a thumbs up down the hallway. 

Natalia watched from the vent, laying on her stomach, as Maria sighed dramatically, pulled up her chair, and stood on it, reaching to undo the screws.

As soon as the first two screws on the right were undone, Nat pushed hard on the vent causing it to fling open to the left. She let herself bend at the waist and swung her upper body out of the vent, her legs safely secured so that she was upside down staring Maria directly in the eyes.

She stared at those striking blue eyes for two seconds longer than she planned. They made her feel electric as they were staring her down curiously and shocked. Maria's face was beautiful, even when caught by surprise after a long day of work. Her sharp jawline ticked in slight anger, her brow furrowed in confusion, her raised eyebrows. It all felt like a magnet.

Before she could think any better she reached out and cupped Maria's jaw, pulling her towards herself until their lips met. Her breath hitched as she opened her eyes and was quickly met with those blue eyes again. This time widened in shock. She released Maria, shoving her back slightly so she was out of the way and then gracefully flipped out of the vent, despite the butterflies in her stomach and the tingle running down her spine. She raced out of the room and slammed the door, leaving Maria sitting in shock on the floor of her office.

Maybe Maria should have been confused. Maybe she should've felt disgusted. But she didn't. She didn't because when she looked at the offender she saw those electric green eyes. The eyes that she hadn't been able to get out of her head since the first day she saw them. She knew exactly who had kissed her and somehow the only thoughts in her head were the goosebumps covering her skin and the lingering taste of those lips on hers. 

Chapter Text

*clint*

If Clint didn’t know any better than he would say Natalia looked flustered for lack of a better word, when she ran out of Maria’s office. His first thought was maybe she got caught, or failed at her secret plan to scare Maria. But she had this mischievous glint in her eye. She seemed almost triumphant, while also completely shaken. 

“What the heck happened in that office?” This question ran through his mind the rest of the night. While they were running through the halls back to his room, when they arrived and he asked if she scared Maria and the only reply he got was “well she’s definitely… uhm.. rattled.”, the whole time they were watching a marathon of all the scream movies to which every time there was a murder Natalia would rant about how none of them were anatomically nor strategically correct. He even thought about it when Bobbi got so tired of Natalia’s comments that she changed the genre to romance. 

The only time he stopped thinking about it was when he got a text from a group chat with Maria and Bobbi at 2am which said “you two think you’re so funny. Let’s see how funny it is when you’re scrubbing the gym mats for two weeks. Thanks! (Tell your pet assassin that she should hide her tell tale red hair better next time)” and after he read it the thought only burned itself deeper into his mind. 

The next morning he showed up at Natalia’s door, coffee in hand, to try to find the answer to his question. 

The door opened before he even made it all the way down the hallway. He was met with an annoyingly put together Natalia blocking the door. 

“you may not enter this establishment unless you have brought a sacrifice.” 

“How about coffee?” 

“Coffee works.”

Clint strolled into the apartment after Natalia and took a seat on the couch in front of the television. An episode of how I met your mother was playing. 

Natalia glanced back at Clint from the kitchen to find that he was staring intently at the TV with an odd expression on his face. “Hey Clint, you want some eggs or bacon or something?” 

“Uhh sure.” His eyes remained glued to the television.

Natalia finished cooking the eggs and sat down on the couch next to Clint, handing him his plate. “Whats got you so distracted.” She asked as she flicked his forehead.

“I swear I’ve seen this show more times than I can count but for some reason I just now realized how insanely alike Maria and Robin look.” 

“You’re crazy, they literally look nothing alike.”

“Come on man just look a little closer. They are literally doppelgängers.” He took a bite of the eggs, eyes still fixed on Robin. “Ew what the fuck Natalia, what did you put in this???” He had to refrain from spitting eggs across the table. 

“Oh uh. I’m not really much of a cook. I kind of forgot to mention that, didn't I?” She took both plates and walked into the kitchen. Throwing both dishes into the trash can, plate and all. 

“Wow, did I finally find something Natalia Romanova doesn’t excel at?” He was immediately met with a sharp glare. “Okay, okay, sorry. It’s not a big deal. We can just grab something from the cafeteria when I finally take you on that tour of the building.” 

“Oh that’s not needed. I can find my way around. The map you gave me yesterday was sufficient.” 

“Nah it’s no trouble. I actually have to give you a full tour. Part of my punishment.”

“Punishment for what?”

“Last night. Maria found out. She said to tell you to hide your hair better next time.” 

Things immediately did not add up for Natalia.  Maria clearly knew who broke into her office last night. Natalia hadn’t had any doubt about that, even last night. There was recognition in her face when their eyes met. But the real question was how? She hadn’t let her hair be seen, that was for sure. And if Maria knew who did it then why hadn’t she gotten in trouble? Could it be that maybe the spark she felt last night wasn’t one sided? That the feelings weren’t one sided and that’s how Maria knew who she was? No. That was delusional wishful thinking. The Deputy Director of Shield had no interest in an ex kbg assassin who has killed countless people. She was observant is all. 

Right?

Either way Natalia now had one objective for the day. Stay away from Maria. 

—————-

*Maria*

“Maria, I swear to God if you don’t willingly come with me to the cafeteria I will drag your ass there.” 

“If you want to do my paperwork I will do whatever you want May.”

“You’ve been doing paperwork all day. You can take a break to eat real food.” 

In all honesty Maria had not been doing paperwork all morning. She hadn’t gone back to her quarters last night which wasn’t out of the ordinary (there was a reason there was a couch in her office). But she didn’t do paperwork overnight either. She sat in her office chair in the dark. Staring into the distance. All she saw were those mesmerizing eyes staring back at her. She couldn’t get them out of her head. The nagging question in the back of her mind asking over and over again “was it a joke? Was the spark one sided?” 

“I’ll stop when crime stops.”

“Maria you can work yourself to death when I’m on a mission or dead but I would prefer not to have to deal with fury after your death so when I’m here I need you to eat at least one real meal every three days.” 

“Fine I will come to the cafeteria this once. But after that it’s back to prepackaged meals.” 

As they walked down the hallway all Maria could think about was how she longed to catch even a glance of those eyes again. It was like an addiction. She needed more just to hold herself over. She knew it wasn’t real for Natalia so she needed to push those feelings down and get rid of them. The relationship would’ve been improper with Maria’s position anyway. She never wanted anyone, especially Natalia to feel pressured into anything. So she had to stuff those feelings down and hide them away, but before she did that she needed one more glance. One more look into those eyes, a glimpse of her crimson hair and smirking lips. 

At about a hundred feet out from the entrance of the cafeteria Maria saw a familiar flash of scarlet hair in a braid. The closer she got the faster her heart beat in anticipation for the interaction. 

She reached out and set a hand on the woman’s shoulder, but as the woman turned around and met her eyes she realized there was something wrong. Those weren’t the green eyes that were haunting her dreams. They were brown. Nothing was right, she was too tall, her hair too dark. 

“Commander Hill. Anything I can help you with?” The woman asked with a confused expression but a smile nonetheless. 

“Yes. Uh. Molly. That uhm. That mission report. I need it on my desk tomorrow.” Maria stumbled over her curated excuse as she realized her mistake. Was she going crazy? Molly barely looked anything like Nat. Maria was one of the most observant people and now she was mistaking agents who look nothing alike for each other simply because she wanted to see one of them so bad she wished it into existence? 

This was the problem. Feelings, emotions, opening up, equal vulnerability. There was a reason she kept to herself. Letting people in comes with its prices and this little flicker of a one sided spark wasn’t worth throwing away years of work. She worked hard for her reputation, she was keeping it no matter the cost. 

She couldn’t help the leap her heart made when she really did spot Natalia across the cafeteria though.

When May began to make her way towards Clint’s table Maria began to regret her decision of coming to the cafeteria at all.

“Hey May, I’m gonna take this back to my office but you go ahead.”

“Maria, come on. It won’t kill you to socialize a bit.” 

Only half reluctantly (because a part of her really did want to see Natalia) Maria followed May to the table. She realized out of the corner of her eye that as she walked past tables the occupants became quiet and sat up straighter. 

There were two open seats. Melinda sat down first leaving the only open seat directly across from Natalia. Maria apprehensively took it.  

“The Maria Hill, gracing us with her presence!” Bobbi hid a smile as Maria set down her tray.

As soon as Maria sat down she heard Natalia mumble some excuse to Clint about having to grab something from her room, before she got up and quickly left. Not sparing Maria one glance. 

With Natalia gone Clint took his chance quickly. “Maria, have I mentioned how insanely sorry I am about yesterday?”

“Mhm, more than once” Maria replied, eyes fixed on the exit Natalia had just slipped out of.

“Okay good so onto more important matters. What the hell happened last night? Nat won’t tell me.” 

Maria’s eyes jerked from the exit to meet Clint’s. Natalia hadn’t told them? If Clint didn’t know then the kiss wasn’t in the plan(?) Even so, she would’ve pegged Natalia as the girl to run off and immediately tell Clint and Bobbi for shits and giggles, not keep it to herself. 

“Your little friend jumped out of the vents, had a very sad attempt at scaring me, and when she realized it didn’t work she ran out the door and down the hallway.” She tutted. 

Clint eyed her suspiciously but didn’t push any farther. The rest of the table engaged in casual conversation. Clint and Bobbi arguing about anything and everything, Coulson and May talking about something Maria couldn’t quite catch and Maria, staring intently at an exit for seemingly no reason.

 About thirty minutes into the meal all hope of Natalia returning had left Maria, so she cleared her tray and headed back to her office, to finally tackle all her work.

Except she didn’t tackle her work. Instead her mind spun with questions for hours on end. What did Clint know? Why hadn’t Nat told him? Was it a practical joke? Was the spark one sided? Why a kiss? Why was she avoiding her? What was going on inside her head? 

Maria’s line of questioning was interrupted by a firm but almost timid knock. 

Had she fallen asleep and was dreaming or was she really this sleep deprived and delusional? Because the person standing outside her door was the person she had been trying so desperately to get out of her head all day. 

But no, it wasn’t a delusion. It was real. She was real, and she looked different somehow. Physically she was all the same but she wasn’t full of smirks or harsh jokes. She seemed almost gentler. Like there was something on her mind that she couldn’t be bothered to hide.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here I just, I just didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t mean to bother you while you were working. I’ll go.” She spoke quickly before turning around to leave with a distant look in her eye.

“Wait. Natalia come back. Sit.” Maria guided her back inside the office and to the couch. “You look like you could use a drink.” 

“That would be nice, thank you.” 

Maria pulled out a bottle of whiskey from a small cabinet in the corner and poured them each a glass. They sat in comfortable silence. Maria sipping her whiskey and Natalia simply staring at hers. 

“How would one go about changing their name?” Natalia asked. Her voice surprisingly sincere.

This was not the path Maria thought this conversation was going to take so she was a little bit at a loss for words. “I mean it depends I guess.” She took another sip “There's a whole process if you want to change it legally, but if you want you can just change it among your peers and all you would have to do is tell them. Shield is pretty open to name changes. If you are interested in it I can look into it for you.”

“Oh, okay thanks” Natalia watched Maria take another sip before apprehensively taking one out of her own glass. 

Maria couldn’t help but notice how off Natalia was. “So why the questions on changing your name?”

Natalia stared at Maria for a few seconds, as if trying to decide whether she wanted to tell her the truth or not. In the end she decided it was too much work to lie. “There was another, how do I put this? Uhm ‘accident’.” There was a bit of a Russian flair added to the last word in the sentence. 

“Accident? What do you mean Natalia?”

She quickly shook her head. “No, no problem. I shouldn’t have even come this was a bad decision” (since when did Natalia make rash bad decisions?) 

She got up to leave but a hand on her wrist had her pulled back down to the couch and stopped in her tracks. She turned to look at the lingering touch on her wrist but instead met eyes with the culprit. It was like a spell she couldn’t quite break. 

If she didn’t stop now she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from escalating this further. “It happened again. That agent. He found me in the hallway.” 

And with that the spell had been broken. Maria’s eyes widened in shock as her jaw ticked in anger.  “Natalia, I'm sincerely sorry. are you okay? After the last incident he was supposed to stay away from you. I will handle it.”

“He uh he pinned me against the wall. Told me I was a whore, kissed me, said I was an easy fuck and that he’d love to see me scream. Then he broke my finger.” Her voice shook a minuscule amount as she held up a largely swollen ring finger covered in purple and blue hues. A makeshift splint was wrapped around it. 

“Shit that looks bad. Natalia, why didn’t you tell anyone?” Maria wasn’t usually one to get worked up over small injuries but focusing on the small problem kept her mind off the big one and something about this girl made her care; no matter what the severity.

“I just did.”  

“Come on, I'll take you down to med.” 

“No, I'm fine. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s not a problem. Not much of a walk either.”

“No. No doctors.” She subconsciously straightened her posture as she thought about the fluorescent lights and the feeling of needles slipping into the vein in her neck. slowly slipping out of consciousness while fighting the affect with all your heart to stay lucid.

“That's fine we don’t have to go now. I’ll secure it and then you can visit by yourself or with Clint tomorrow. You have to get it checked at some point though. They need to make sure it’s healing correctly and doesn’t need to be set.” Her tone left no room for argument. 

Maria left and returned quickly with a splint but when she attempted to help Natalia put it on, she was met with a glare and the red head opted to put the splint on herself. 

“Okay, now that we have that taken care of let’s move to the more important part of that conversation.”  Maria stood up as she spoke. “Natalia, I’m sorry that happened. That is absolutely in no way shape or form okay or something Shield supports. I will personally deal with it. If anything ever happens in the future, someone does something, or simply makes you uncomfortable you can come to a higher up and it will be handled.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. He didn’t do anything I’m not used to. I probably deserved it. Killed one of his friends or family members or something. I don’t know.” 

“Natalia. It doesn’t matter what you do. It does not give anyone the right to sexually assault you. You understand that right?” Maria’s voice was firm as she stared at Natalia in shock. This was the moment she realized she barely knew the tip of the iceberg of this girl's experience. What kind of hellhole was she from? Maria would personally dismantle it with her own two hands if she had the chance.

Natalia nodded curtly before attempting to change the subject but was cut off before she got too far. “Natalia I need a verbal answer.” 

Natalia looked up to meet Maria’s eyes. “Yes.” She shifted her gaze to the floor as she quietly added “But I’ve been such a horrible person.” 

“We all have things we regret.”

“Yes but I have so many.” She was staring directly at Maria but the look in her eyes was faraway. She was thinking of something else. Someone else.  “I don’t want to be her anymore. I’m trying to do better. To be better.” 

“I can tell. You’re doing well.” Maria gave her a soft smile. 

Natalia returned the smile. “Thank you. I should get back before Barton forms a search and rescue team.” She turned to leave but stopped in her tracks when she heard a soft “wait” from behind her. 

She turned around to see Maria staring at her, eyes wide, and jaw slack like she herself was surprised at the word leaving her mouth. 

Before she could overthink it, she took her shot. Stepping forward and quickly kissing Maria on the cheek. As her lips met Maria’s cheek she felt Maria’s breath hitch. Even kissing her on the cheek was invigorating. She wanted more. She longed for more but she knew it wasn’t a good idea so instead she pulled back and turned around to leave the room. 

“Goodbye Natalia.” 

“No more Natalia.” She turned to meet Maria’s gaze. “She’s gone now. What she does is gone now. Natasha. Call me Natasha Romanoff.” 

“Well. It’s nice to meet you, agent Romanoff.” 

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier 

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: November 3rd

Time: 4:30am

*Natasha*

Natasha woke up to excited knocking on her door at an ungodly hour in the morning. She attempted to sit up only to be immediately jerked back down by the handcuffs her right wrist was secured to the headboard with. 

“Natasha get up!” She heard Clint yell through the door. 

(Natasha ended up taking Maria up on her offer. She swallowed her pride and entered Maria’s office a day or two before to ask for her assistance in legally changing her name from Natalia Romanova to Natasha Romanoff. When she told her few friends they were nothing but supportive.)

“Okay okay I’m coming.” She answered as she searched her bedside table for the key to the handcuffs she stole off of one of the guards. 

“Nat we gotta go!” Clint sounded a bit more urgent. 

Natasha looked around her room to see that the key had somehow slid off of the bedside table and was now nowhere near arms reach. 

“Coming Clint. Give me like three seconds.” She prepared to dislocate her thumb to slide her hand out of the handcuff. “Two broken fingers on the same hand! Yay!” She whisper-yelled as she gritted her teeth. 

Right as she was getting ready to do it she remembered the Bobby pin she left in the drawer in her bedside table. She reached over and scrambled through her desk with her free hand. Pulling out the Bobby pin before quickly picking the lock on the handcuffs and then stuffing them under her bed.

She made her way to the door just as Clint was beginning to knock louder and somehow more frantically. 

“Finally, what took you so long?” He sighed as the door opened. 

“Oh i’m sorry for not expecting a random knock at my door at FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING”

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“It’s too early to be considered morning” she groaned “why are you even at my door at four am” 

“We’ve been called in for a mission. Briefing is in five. Get dressed, let's go.” 

Natasha’s eyes widened slightly. She knew a mission was coming soon but this was sooner than she expected. This was where she had to work hard. She needed to prove herself here. While she was technically an agent she was still an ex kgb assassin and could easily be thrown in a prison to rot for the rest of her life thanks to one wrong move. 

Clint tapped his fingers on the doorframe as he waited for Natasha. She showed up less than two minutes later. Her polished uniform and intricate braid a stark contrast from her sleepiness and groaning a second ago. 

Clint stared at her, a little shocked at her ability to look so put together in such little time. 

“Hey, not all red room skills are completely useless.” She added with a shrug, like she had sensed the question on the tip of his tongue. “Well what are you waiting for, let's go.”

They walked down the hallway, Natasha taking note of each turn they made. Until they came to a locked steel door with a card reader. Clint quickly scanned his id badge and shoved the door open. The briefing was starting in T minus one minute.

This was a completely new playing field for Natasha. Despite her being an agent she was still clearance level one. The level typically used for trainees or rookie recruits. It was a little embarrassing but Natasha understood. She knew she was unpredictable and she’d learned to swallow her pride a long time ago so it wasn’t that big of a deal to her.

“I will give you all the info I have but it isn’t much. They’ll explain more in the briefing. It’s a data retrieval. We’re partners and Coulson is our handler. They wanted you to meet him and train a bit with me before you went on a mission but this came up at the last minute, hence the four am knock on the door.” Natasha nodded along as Clint continued speaking. “So you, me, and Coulson are the team assigned to this mission and then Agent May will wait in the quinjet as a safety precaution because it’s your test run.” 

Natasha shot Clint a confused glance, pulling a blank on who the woman was.

“Melinda May. She was Maria’s S.O. doesn’t go on missions really anymore. Every once in a while she will fly a jet for us. It’s a long story and we don’t have time now. I will explain more later.” They reached the door and as Natasha reached out and gripped the door handle Clint set his hands on her shoulders, turning her to look at him. “I just wanted to say you’ve got this.” 

Natasha gave a reluctant smile. Of course she’s got this. She’s been doing this since she was four. A data retrieval should be a piece of cake. 

The room they entered felt like a conference room. It looked almost identical to the ones the red room had. The only difference being it wasn’t colored in the telltale red and black hues of the red room. There was a long table in the center of the room. Fury sat at the head, Maria on his right sporting the tablet she kept glued in her hands, May and Coulson next, and then two empty seats for Natasha and Clint. The front of the room had a large screen. 

When they entered all eyes turned on them as they quickly took their seats. 

“If it isn’t the dynamic duo finally gracing us with their presence.” Maria pursed her lips. “Try to be on time next time.” She added as she pushed back her seat and stood. 

Natasha could tell this was going to go differently than expected. This wasn’t her Maria. This was Commander Maria Hill. Hardass Hill. The one who’s very presence shuts up rookies. The one who has rumors of her being a robot circulating. 

Natasha looked down at her finger, still covered in colorful bruises and bent slightly at an odd angle (she never did go to the medbay.). As she prodded the bruise she thought about the fact that this was also the Maria who had called Agent Evans into her office and chewed him out. Yelled so loudly it was heard hallways over, and then promptly relieved him of his job and sent him off the helicarrier.

Maria ran over the mission plan on the screen. It was standard. In and out. Lethal force only if necessary. Stuff Natasha had been doing since before she hit double digits. She wasn’t worried. 

After the briefing everyone was dismissed to the loading dock except Natasha. She was asked to stay behind and speak to Fury and Maria before she left. 

“Natasha.” Fury nodded his head in acknowledgment. “

“Director Fury.” Natasha mirrored the movement. 

Fury spun his chair slightly to face Maria “I will leave this to you. I have work to do.” He quickly made his way towards the door. Closing it behind him and leaving Maria and Natasha alone. 

This was a stark difference from any time they had been alone together in the last few days. There were no giggles or smiles. No lingering touches. 

Maria and Natasha were nowhere to be seen. This was Commander Hill and Black Widow. 

“The rules you are required to follow are still in place but while you are on missions we have to bend them some. Meaning we trust you more but you also will have more safety precautions.” Maria tapped something on her tablet before setting it down on the table and turning to Natasha.

“Your tracking bracelet will stay in place as usual.” She pulled a silver briefcase out from under the table, setting it down and turning it towards Natasha while finishing her sentence. 

“This is basically an ankle monitor.” She pulls the first item out of the briefcase. “Your tracking bracelet gives us your location as well as being waterproof etc. this will alert your handler if you move out of a preset range from the tracking device it’s connected to. It also acts as a taser if strictly necessary. Both will alert us if removed from your person.” 

Natasha stood in front of her, back ramrod straight, hands clasped behind her back, face blank as she was handed the ankle monitor.

“You will be required to wear it as soon as you step out of this office but it may be removed when the quinjet touches down on the loading dock after the mission.” 

Natasha curtly nodded in reply. Making eye contact that would have anyone but Maria squirming.

The next items were removed from the briefcase and slid across the table. “While you are technically not allowed weapons still, they may be required on this mission for your safety. They must be returned immediately upon arrival. We are trusting you. Don’t break that trust.” Maria watched as Natasha picked up the gun and knife, quickly sliding them into their holsters without looking down. She was running on instinct. On muscle memory. 

Natasha stood there standing in front of Maria like she’d stood in front of madames countless times. It was hard not to let the woman in front of her morph into the others haunting her mind. They were all the same, right? It didn’t matter how nice she was or how much she liked her. When it comes down to it the job comes first. Maria is in charge here, she has the power to do whatever she wants and Natasha would have to sit down and take it, then thank her for it. 

“You’re dismissed.” Maria added with a nod as she closed the now empty briefcase. 

Upon dismissal Natasha turned towards the door, taking long strides to make up for the wasted time of staying later than expected. She had to make it to the quinjet. 

“Natasha” Maria’s voice rang out as Natasha put her hand on the door handle. 

“ma’am?” Natasha turned around. Voice sharper than normal and slightly clipped.

“I’m sorry about all of this. You understand why it’s necessary right?” 

“I get it. It’s just business.” Natasha closed the door behind her leaving Maria to her own devices. 

Now alone, Maria fell into the chair behind her, rubbing her temples. What just happened? Should she have been nicer? This is still her job. She’s still the deputy director and she’s still in charge. Natasha is still technically dangerous and a flight risk. She had to stay professional, right?

She needed to remember that the same woman she had spent an hour laughing with until her sides hurt last night was also the same woman who had killed countless innocent people.

It hurt to reduce Natasha to that but it was true. Maria couldn’t throw away years of work and focus, years of blood sweat and tears building herself up to this job and persona for someone she had known for three weeks. After that meeting she could tell Natasha had the same ideals. They were on the same page but was it the right page?

————————————————

*clint*

As they sat on the plane Clint could immediately tell something was off about Natasha. He made stupid jokes, told dumb stories, even tried to rope Coulson into an argument about Italian ice. But in return he received no smiles or giggles. Not so much as a glance his way. 

Her eyes were slightly glassy as she stared at a fixed point on the wall for the whole four hours they were on the jet. 

If not for the slight rise and fall of her chest or the occasional blinks Clint would’ve questioned her consciousness. 

After a particularly long period of no blinking, Clint became concerned. He gestured discreetly to Coulson who quickly caught on, his own suspicions confirmed. 

“Agent Romanoff. Still with us?” He questioned. 

Natasha’s eyes immediately snapped to his figure, meeting his eyes quickly before replying. “Yes sir.” She tacked on a curt nod and to Clint’s awe and confusion somehow managed to get her already perfect posture straighter. 

“Natasha what is up with you?” He whispered very loudly as he poked her in the ribs.

She turned towards him for the first time since taking her seat in the jet. “We are on a mission. What do you expect me to do?”  Her voice sharper than she planned.

“Have some fun, make some small talk it’s just a data retrieval.” 

Natasha stared at him like he had just suggested they jump out of a plane without a parachute. “Do you want to die?” She deadpanned as she glanced at Coulson.

Clint followed Natasha’s eyes to Coulson, suddenly remembering that this was the first time the two had met. “Natasha he’s chill I promise. He will even join our conversations if you ask.” 

Natasha sent a very skeptical glance Clint’s way before returning to her original game of staring at the wall. 

They arrived at the destination at around 9:30. Not the ideal time but this team could make it work. 

Coulson ran over the plan one more time before they split up. “I will go ahead and cause a distraction and hopefully take out a few guards, while you two climb up this vent here, and exit here.” He hands Clint a flash drive as he continues speaking. “Take this flash drive, download everything off of the computer onto here and then destroy the computer. Don’t let anyone get their hands on the flash drive under any circumstances.” 

Two yes sirs and a comms check later and they were on their way. 

A pit settled into Natasha’s stomach as they were shimmying through the vents. There was something wrong here.  What it was she didn’t know but she had learned to trust her gut years ago.

Just as she moved her hand towards her ear to whisper something in the comms, a shot rang out and then Coulson's harsh whisper.

“Romanoff, Barton, it’s gone FUBAR, I just got out. meet me at the quinjet. They know where you are.”

Clint immediately turned around, making eye contact with Natasha before gesturing to a place they could drop and run. 

“We complete a mission or we die dorogaya. Never come back empty handed.” The nickname made her skin crawl as she thought of the sentence her madame had repeated to her more times than she could count. 

She watched as Clint jumped out of the vent. Silently following him. She watched him walk ahead and hoped with all her heart that he wouldn’t turn around before he reached the quinjet. While quickly slipping down a separate hallway. 

She had swiped the flash drive from his pocket when he wasn’t paying attention. Now all she had to do was find the “SCIF” as Maria had called it. 

Maybe this was a test. Maybe the mission really had gone to shit. All she knew was that completing this mission was her first priority. Even if it meant her life.

She halted to a stop as she came across the room she was looking for. There were two armed guards in front of the door. She could easily shoot them but that would draw too much attention. She reached for her knife as she snuck along the wall towards them. 

She jumped forward noiselessly sliding the knife into the abdomen of the first guard and twisting before either of them knew what was happening. 

The second guard came at her engaging in hand to hand combat. She was obviously more skilled than him and the fight would’ve been over in a couple seconds if not for him shoving her to the ground and pulling out his gun. She rolled out of the way as a shot rang out, just grazing her ribs. She’d had worse and the adrenaline kept her going. She quickly took out the guard, sustaining few injuries and began working on the security code at the door. 

As she cracked the code she realized she had little time to spare before someone from either side came after her. She put the flash drive in the computer and waited impatiently as it downloaded. 

It finished quickly and she immediately fled the scene via the vent as she heard the telltale footsteps of the guards around the corner. 

She shimmied through the vents and dropped down as close to the exit as possible. On her way out she had to deal with three more guards. The first set were easier to deal with than the last two. She took them out easily, sustaining no injuries. The third guard managed to hit her in the head with the butt of his gun before she swept his feet out from under him and slammed his head on the ground. 

She felt the warmth trickling down her face and the sticky blood soaking the material around her ribs as she made her way out of the building and towards the jet. Good thing she was wearing black.

She saw Clint standing on the ramp and picked up her pace from a walk to a jog. 

“ROMANOFF WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE WERE YOU?” he yelled as she got closer. 

“I got it.” She smirked as she placed the flash drive in Clint’s open palm. 

“Don’t ever do that again. Oh andMaria’s gonna kill you btw.” He laughed as he turned around and began his walk up the ramp.

The adrenaline was wearing off and Natasha’s injuries became more apparent to her. She looked up at her friend with a slight smile on her face. 

The smile immediately fell and dread pooled inside of her as she saw the telltale red dot on his back. 

She lunged forward and tackled him to the ground as the shot rang out. 

Clint let out a cry of pain.

Before she processed what had happened Coulson and May were dragging them into the jet and closing the ramp. 

No. No no no no no. 

Her best friend. Her only friend was limp in her arms.

Why was he limp?

Where was that blood coming from? Why was it all over her hands?

A choked sob escaped her lips as she stared down at the limp body of the only person she had let get this close to her since that day on the tarmac.

Chapter Text

Location: helicarrier.

Direct coordinates: classified. 

Date: November 3rd

Time: 5:00pm

*natasha*

The next few hours for Natasha went by in a blur. The adrenaline finally wore out as she collapsed in a fit of sobs on the floor next to Clint in the quinjet. 

The last thing she remembered were hands peeling them apart as she sobbed. She barely registered anything else going on around her as she slipped in and out of what looked like sleep but was probably consciousness due to her head injury. 

She sat up and unbuckled herself from the seat she had no recollection of sitting in. A wave of nausea and dizziness hit her as she stood quickly and looked around to see the loading ramp open. 

It was crowded meaning they probably had just landed. She immediately fell back into her old mindset as she walked towards the exit. “Show them no weakness zolotse [sweetheart, little gold].” She was beginning to lose hope of the voice of madame Ivanovna ever leaving her head.

She slammed a mask over her emotions. Ignoring the dried blood on her face, the pounding in her head, and the sharp pain that jolted down her body with every step. 

The first thing she saw as she stepped out of the jet was Maria and Coulson talking. She made her way over to them and took her place behind Coulson, waiting. 

After they finished their hushed conversation she was finally addressed. “Agent Romanoff. Go get cleaned up and then meet me in my office please.” 

Fuck

Maria was pissed. Natasha already knew it was her fault. Even if she completed the mission, she still failed. She caused damage again; it was all she was good for. She deserved to be chewed out or be punished by a superior, sure. but Natasha wanted Maria right now not commander hill. 

“I’m fine.” Natasha made eye contact with Coulson who was staring at her like she was glass, ready to break with one wrong move. “I can come now.” She was ready to get whatever was about to ensue over with as soon as possible. 

Maria looked her up and down before nodding. They walked in silence to Maria’s office. 

As soon as they got there and the door was closed the expected chewing out began.

“WHAT THE FUCK ROMANOFF??” 

Natasha’s vision began to blur. 

“DO YOU KNOW HOW IRRESPONSIBLE AND”

The room started spinning. 

“RECKLESS AND UTTERLY STUPID”

Natasha took a deep breath to stable herself as she clutched her rib which had now soaked the whole left side of her tac suit. 

“YOUR HANDLER GAVE YOU AN ORDER” 

Her ears started ringing. 

Maria’s voice and eyes softened slightly. “You don’t have to put yourself into unnecessary danger anymore. Your life is more important to Shield than data.” 

The room blacked out as Natasha collapsed to the floor. 

—————————-

*maria* 

Maria spent the next few hours moving around. Attempting to keep her mind off everything that just occurred.

Trying her best to forget the fact that two of the only people she had allowed herself to be vulnerable with were currently unconscious. 

She visited the caf at least four times for coffee.

She rotated from lecture to lecture and training session to training session, switching when she would get bored and her mind would wander. 

She finished piles of paperwork. 

When she had nothing else to do she made her way down to one of the empty gyms and wrapped her knuckles, took out all her emotions on a punching bag, worked out until she couldn’t anymore, and then returned to the punching bag. 

When her body gave out from exhaustion she sat on the floor and let all of the thoughts she had been trying to get rid of, flood in.  

Was it her? Was there something about her that made everyone she cared about leave. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Whatever the case they all left somehow. It was a pattern. 

Clint and Natasha were both lying in hospital beds right now. 

She couldn’t let them get any closer. For their own sake.

The solution: isolation. Be polite when needed. Focus on her job. 

She had to check on them though. Even if it was just as the deputy director of shield. 

She trudged her way to the medbay. Checking on Clint first. He was awake. The bullet lodged itself in his shoulder. His body had gone into shock when he was shot. The mix of that and hitting his head on the metal when Natasha tackled him caused him to lose consciousness The bullet didn’t hit any arteries. They were able to remove it and stitch the wound fairly easily. He had a minor concussion and the wound would definitely take a while to heal but he was a survivor. He’d be okay. 

After a pop in of the head and a quick hi to Clint she made her way to Natasha’s room. 

Upon entering she spoke to the nurse who was inserting an iv (“odd. Why didn’t they do that two hours ago?” Maria thought to herself) the nurse informed her that Natasha was okay. She had a bullet graze to the ribs and a large cut on her forehead that had both been stitched up as well as a concussion. She passed out due to blood loss, and the concussion but would be back to normal quickly with the proper care and rest. 

The nurse left after their short conversation and Maria found herself alone with Natasha. 

She stared at the sleeping figure of the woman she had yelled at a handful of hours ago, treated coldly this morning, but had kissed less than a week ago. 

She stared at the first person she had allowed herself to love for years. She studied her. Natasha was out of her disgusting uniform but not in a hospital gown. She was in a shield issued sweatshirt. Maria studied her injuries. The stitched up cut on her forehead. Her broken finger. Her usually polished braid that never had a hair out of place, was now loose and sticking up everywhere. 

As she looked at Natasha she couldn’t help but think to herself. “Look at this girl. She’s been through so much. I can’t be the one to make her go through more.” 

Maria couldn’t do this. She couldn’t give Natasha what she deserved. 

A tear ran down Maria’s face as she gently rubbed her thumb along Natasha’s cheek. 

This was goodbye. 

Natasha would understand. It was for her own wellbeing. 

Maria leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room. 

—————————-

*natasha*

Natasha woke up to the smell of antiseptic and fluorescent lights blinding her vision. She blinked rapidly to rid the black dots from her line of sight as she sat up. 

There was no one else here. She was alone. She looked around and realized she was in what looked to be a hospital bed. 

For half a second her memories tricked her into believing she was back. She spun her feet to the floor ready to run but a colorful bouquet of flowers caught her eye and stopped her in her tracks. The red room would never allow color. Or flowers at all. 

She took a deep breath as she shook her head. She wasn’t in the red room. She was at Shield. She was back on the helicarrier.

Her best friend had been shot.

She had no idea where he was or how he was doing. 

The girl she liked had disappeared, leaving a Commander in her place. 

She had been out for long enough for any of the doctors to do whatever they wanted to her. She had no idea what they did or even possibly took. 

Lining up all the facts made everything worse. The room suddenly felt suffocating. She looked down at the iv on her arm, disgusted. Who knows what they’re pumping into her veins. She ripped it out of her arm without a second thought. Discarding it on the floor.

There was a door which led to a small bathroom off the side of her room. She quickly slipped into it. 

She took off her hospital gown and looked in the mirror to inspect her injuries. Her ribs would heal just fine. It was a scratch and the stitches were done well. The cut on her forehead was an inch and a half wide but the stitches on it were also pristine. It could leave a pretty nasty scar but it wouldn’t be the first. She knew she definitely had a concussion but she could train through this one like she had all the others. 

She looked down at her hand to see that they had reset her broken finger as well. The bruising was still very prominent but at least now Maria couldn’t fault her for not coming down here in the first place. 

As she studied herself in the mirror, her hand instinctively ran over the scar on her lower abdomen. 

There were no scars that weren’t previously there. No unnecessary stitches. She wasn’t bleeding profusely from somewhere she shouldn’t be. She didn’t even feel that bad (minus the concussion) so they hadn’t given her any unnecessary drugs. 

Was it possible that all they did was take care of her injuries?

She shrugged it off. She didn’t want to think about anything right now. 

As she pulled the hospital gown back on she realized how exposed she felt. The thought of someone coming into her room and seeing her like this made her sick. So she made her way out of the bathroom and back into her room. She looked at the chart at the end of her bed. The last time a nurse checked on her was thirty minutes ago. That means she would have at least fifteen to execute her plan.

She consulted her mental map of the vent system before sticking her head out the door to check her surroundings. She then climbed onto a chair and pulled herself into the vent in the corner of the room. (Clint really was rubbing off on her) she let out a quiet yelp of pain before stuffing the collar of her sweatshirt in her mouth to muffle the sound. She looked down at her side. Yep definitely popped three stitches. She shrugged and moved on. “C’est la vie” she whispered.

She made her way down the vent at a much less sedated pace than she should have. Finally finding the room she was looking for and promptly jumped in. 

She quickly changed from the hospital gown into her shield issued sweatshirt and a pair of leggings before making her way back to the vent. 

She made it back to the medbay in record time. Only popping one more stitch on her climb out of the vent. The roofs in the medbay were about a foot higher than the rest of the helicarriar. causing her to have to stretch farther and jump. Resulting in the popped stitches. 

She sat down on the hospital bed and lifted up her sweatshirt to inspect the damages. 

It was already starting to bleed so there was no use in ignoring it. 

She snuck her way out of the room and down the hallway. Stealthily grabbing the supplies she would need before stitching herself back up in a supply closet and just barely escaping the eye of a particularly observant doctor on her way back to her room. 

She was tired. She wanted sleep. She knew she needed sleep. But she couldn’t. Sleeping was making yourself vulnerable. People who are vulnerable die. 

Even if she wasn’t in a medbay surrounded by unknown doctors who could do whatever they wanted to her, she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She had no means to handcuff herself to the bed. She knew it was a bad habit. She knew it was dangerous and it needed to be broken but with everything going on, the last thing she needed is lack of sleep so ridding herself of the need of handcuffs will have to be postponed. 

Instead of sleeping she laid on her back, staring at the ceiling trying to get her mind to shut up.

“It’s your fault” the voice whispered.

“No it’s not. I did what I was trained to do. I got the information needed.” She reassured herself. 

“He could be dead, you know. Just like Melina. And it would all be your fault. Just like Yelena." It whispered back. 

Her breathing shallowed as she closed her eyes and the voice got louder. 

“All you are is Natalia Romanova. All you will do is hurt people. It’s what you were taught. It’s how he made you.” 

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she desperately gripped her hair, pulling to make it stop. Hoping the pain would placate the voices. 

“We will find you. We always do.” The voice had changed. It wasn’t just there. It wasn’t random anymore. It was familiar. Familiar in the way that made her willing do anything to stop what she knew would happen next. 

Her pulse quickened as her chest tightened. She blinked rapidly to rid her vision of the blur that had just appeared. 

She opened her eyes to the familiar room. Bright white walls. Completely empty except for a wooden chair in the middle. But she wasn’t in her normal place in the chair in the middle. She was floating. Almost omniscient. She could see everything. 

Tied to the chair sat a familiar figure. A little redheaded girl. Eleven years old. Short auburn hair. They had cut off the blue ends that she had adored so much. The last part of her family. They said it was too easy to remember. Not good for a spy. So off it went.

She had just gotten back from her first big mission since Ohio. It was three days long. Her last day there she was informed that the last piece of her family truly was gone. They had killed her. She was only six and now she was gone. 

The little redhead had shown no emotion initially. She knew reactions would help no one. But behind closed doors she plotted and planned. She had no reason to live now so why not try the impossible. 

The day they were supposed to head back from the mission was the day she executed it. She succeeded. She got away from her madame and got out. She was safe. 

For all of ten minutes. 

Ivanovna found her of course. Dragged her back to the red room where she was shoved into the room with the white walls and tied to the chair. 

Ivanovna appeared in the doorway. 

Natasha knew what would happen next. She remembered it vividly and if she ever forgot all she had to do was look at the scars that still covered her back.

“NO! NO!” She attempted to scream “LET ME OUT OF HERE I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS.” But no noise came. 

She was stuck. Just like she was then. Stuck. No matter what she did. No matter which way she turned or closed her eyes, the image of Ivanovna and her little self was in front of her and there was nothing she could do to stop what was about to occur. 

Natasha watched as Ivanovna stepped forward, towering over the little girl. She leaned over and hissed in the little girls ear. “Never try that again. We will find you. We always do. We will do whatever we have to to anyone and anything you love darling, because you belong to us.” She rubbed her thumb over the girls cheek affectionately before sending a bruising slap across her face. 

“LET ME OUT OF HERE.” Natasha yelled as she lunged at Ivanovna. But instead of making contact with her she faded right through like a ghost. Ending up in a heap on the floor. 

She finally gave up. She knew what was coming and it was inevitable. So she made her way to the girl, gave her a kiss on the cheek, whispered “It will be okay baby. Будь сильной. [be strong]”

The tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried desperately to block out the screams, sobs, and pleads of forgiveness of her younger self as Ivanovna laughed. 

The noises suddenly stopped. She hesitantly opened her eyes. She was back in the hospital room. The flashback was over. She was okay. 

She curled into a ball on the hospital bed and finally let the dam break. 

She cried like she hadn’t cried in years. She cried for Clint. She cried for Yelena, for Melina, for Maria, for her younger self, and for what she knew she had to do. 

She laid there long after her tears dried. She was tired. Emotionally, mentally and physically. Just tired. 

She listened as quick footsteps appeared outside her door and then a light knock sounded out on the wood.

She decided her best bet was to pretend to be asleep. So she let her eyelids close and her breathing get heavy as the nurse let herself in. 

Natasha listened as the young nurse made her way to the bed. She had to refrain from laughing when she heard a soft “how the fuck” in reference to the iv and clothing change. 

As the nurse began to roll up the sleeve of Natasha’s hoodie to reinsert the Iv a pair of familiar footsteps made their way to the door. 

Natasha instinctively relaxed as she heard Maria step into the room. 

The nurse briefed Maria on Natasha’s status before quickly finishing the insertion of the iv and making her way out of the room. Leaving Maria and Natasha alone. (That seemed to be happening a lot lately.) 

Natasha listened as Maria stood there and stared. 

She listened as Maria approached the bed and her breath hitched. 

She listened as Maria leaned over, rubbed her thumb over her cheek and brushed her soft lips to her forehead. 

A tear rolled off Maria’s cheek and landed in her hair. 

She listened as Maria wiped away the tears, whispered goodbye, and closed the door on her way out. 

She listened to the silence Maria left her in. until the Russian accented voice she so desperately wanted gone re-entered her head. 

“She’s a pretty girl, that one. She will be very useful to me. This is why we don’t make connections Золотце. It makes you weak.” [darling. Little gold.]

Natasha thought of Maria. Of their kiss. Thought of Clint and Bobbi and their friendship. Of how much all those people mean to her. How much she cares about them. Maybe even loved them. 

And that’s when she knew it. 

She had to cut them off.

For their safety. When the red room found her, they would spare no one. They would use everything they could to get to her. These people. This love. It makes her vulnerable and dangerous. 

So there’s only one option left.

She needed to lock those emotions away. Focus on her job. 

This was goodbye. 

Chapter Text

Location: Helicarrier

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: November 11th

*clint*

It had been around a week and a half since Clint's incident. A very rough week and a half. 

Natasha wasn’t allowed to do virtually anything due to her concussion which drove her absolutely stir crazy. Her “rest” ended up lasting about 35 hours before she broke all her rules to train. She was technically supposed to be out for at least 5 more days but had lied about her symptoms and was now cleared to train. 

Clint had been healing as well as you could expect someone with a large hole through their shoulder to, and was finally released from the medbay this morning. 

His week in the hospital wing all sort of merged together in his mind. Being high off your ass on oxycodone will do that to you though.

He vaguely remembered a visit from Maria, she was polite but only really offered a tight smile before stepping out. In hindsight there was definitely more going on there than could be seen at face value but he didn’t have time to unpack any of that at the moment. Bobbi had been practically living in the hospital room the whole week, and surprisingly Natasha had not visited at all. 

Clint assumed she thought he was mad at her so his first objective after getting released was to find Nat and set her straight. 

He searched just about every inch of the helicarriar (even Maria’s office, where he got chewed out for being out of bed.) until he finally found her beating the shit out of a bag in the only empty gym.

He made the stupid decision to approach her and tap her lightly on the shoulder to get her attention. Before his finger even made contact, she reached over her shoulder, grabbed his wrist and flipped him onto the mat in front of her. 

“Sometimes I forget how scary you are.” He looked up at her while laughing. “Good thing you grabbed my good arm.” He added, amusement dancing in his eyes. 

“Don’t you ever do that again.” She hissed, the concern quickly fleeing her face.

She shot Clint a glare before returning to her workout.

“Wow no ‘haven’t seen you since you got shot, glad you’re not dead Clint’”

“You aren’t dead. Cool. Now leave me alone.” 

“Nat. What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

“Barton. Leave. Now.” 

“Natasha. At least look at me while we’re talking. Please.” 

She shook her head and let out a bitter laugh, without letting up on the blows she was sending to the bag. “I’m not in the mood for this Barton. Get the fuck away from me.” 

“Okay. I’ll give you some space but just know that I’m here if you need anything.” He gave her a sad smile before making his way out the door.

That was weird.

He made his way back to his room where he found Bobbi perched by his door, patiently waiting for him to get back. 

“Where were you huh?” She nods her chin at him as he unlocks his door. 

“Looking for nat. There’s definitely something going on with her. I’m nervous.” They entered his room together and took their seats on their respective sides of the couch. 

“Oh yeah she’s been a right bitch this whole week.” She made her way to the kitchen and threw some popcorn in the microwave as she spoke.

“You know they say concussions can change people’s personalities.” He added as he cued up dancing with the stars on his television. 

“Yeah but is that really a personality change or is she just going back to how she was when she first got here?” Bobbi asked as she sat on the floor in front of the couch and handed Clint the popcorn.

“True but it’s still really weird. Either way I’m sure she lied to the medics about her symptoms. There’s no way she’s healed enough to be cleared after a week and a half. And she has this look in her eye. She was kind of disoriented. Definitely dizzy.” He stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

“There’s no way she got past the medics. It’s a bitch to get cleared by them. Believe me I’ve tried to lie to them more times than I can count.” She laughed as she stole the remote from Clint.

“I don’t know. Somehow she’s avoided her medical screening for almost a month and hasn’t started her therapy sessions. Both of which are mandatory. She’s good at avoiding things and a good liar.” He shrugged while throwing more popcorn into his mouth. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full. That’s disgusting.” She scrunched her nose while glaring at him. “You’re right though. We should probably tell Maria so she doesn’t get sent on a mission with a concussion.”

“Probably. How's she been doing anyway? Maria I mean.”

“She has fully reverted to Hardass Hill. Honestly I’m scared to go near her. She’s gone full marine.”

“Yeah she tends to do that after a mission goes fubar.”

“Anyways onto more important things” Bobbi sing-songed as she stole the popcorn and pressed play on the tv, the dancing with the stars theme beginning loudly. 

———————

*natasha*

Her plan for the day was to not leave the gym but shortly after she kicked Clint out, the blood running down her untaped knuckles became too heavy to ignore.

She wiped the blood on her gray sweatpants, successfully making it look like a murder scene before heading up to her room. 

As she was washing the blood off her hands a knock on the door sounded through the room. She dried her hands on the (previously) white hand towel tossed on the counter top (oops), and cautiously opened the door. 

In front of her stood none other than Bobbi Morse. Her hands on her hips and a disapproving stare plastered to her face. 

“Hey Nat I figu-“ she cut herself off as she looked Natasha up and down. “What the fuck did you do?” 

“Barbara.” Natasha greeted her with pursed lips and a nod. “What are you doing at my door?”

“Okay what the actual fuck is going on? Clint said you were being weird but having blood all over you and calling me ‘Barbara’ is beyond wild”

Natasha rolled her eyes as she began to close the door. “If you don’t need anything from me then I’ll be going. I have better things to do.” 

“Come on Nat. Talk to me.” Bobbi put her foot in the doorway, stopping Natasha from closing it. 

“There’s nothing wrong. Everything is fine. Can you just leave me alone? please.”

“Nothing's wrong my ass. Clint was bedbound for a week and you didn’t visit him once. Not to mention it was partly your fault.”

“Don’t you dare.” 

“Don’t what? Don’t call you out? I know concussions can do weird things to people but I’m pretty sure being a bitch isn’t typically a side effect. Neither is lying to medics if I think about it.” 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just leave me alone.” 

“You know, Maria’s wouldn’t normally be happy about the whole lying to be allowed to train again but she’s been an ice bitch the whole week so have fun with that conversation.” 

Bobbi took her foot out of the door and turned to walk away. 

“Absofuckinglutely not.” Natasha grabbed her shoulder and spun her back around to face her. “What is your problem?” 

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that my boyfriend is on a long term mission and I haven’t heard from him in months, my best friend got shot, and two other people who I trusted are suddenly acting like toddlers?” Bobbi drew herself to her full height as she spoke, which caused her to tower over Natasha whose hand instinctively reached for the knife concealed in her belt which only escalated the whole situation further. 

They stood at a stalemate. Eyes locked. Natasha’s hand on her knife and Bobbi’s hand on her gun. Neither wanting to hurt each other but both in the heat of the moment, fully willing to if it really came down to it.

“Agents, what the hell is going on here?!?” A familiar voice boomed down the hallway. 

Shit

“Commander hill.” Natasha acknowledged as she slid the knife back into place. “Me and Bobbi were just having a conversation.” She affectionately rubbed Bobbi’s shoulder to drive the lie home. 

“I am aware that you’re still fairly new here but it's funny you think I’m that stupid.” Maria pursed her lips “Morse. Go calm down and come speak to me later.” They watched as Bobbi nodded and made her way down the hallway before Maria turned to Natasha, anger flickering across her expression. 

“Agent Romanoff. I would suggest you get your ass in my office in a timely manner if you have any self preservation instincts.” 

Natasha walked as slow as she possibly could to Maria’s office as Maria took a walk around the halls to calm her anger. Being pissed while reprimanding an agent who had just almost engaged in a knife fight was probably not the best course of action. 

Natasha paced Maria’s office as she waited. She had been a bitch. She knew it. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

There was very little she could bring herself to care about anymore. 

What was the use of caring if it would all be torn from her grasp at some point. 

Natasha’s gaze snapped to the door as the handle turned and Maria entered, closing the door behind her. 

She braced herself for the chewing out that was inevitably about to happen.

“Agent Romanoff. Where the fuck do I even start.” Maria sighed as she sat behind her desk. 

“You pulled a knife on a fellow agent. You had a knife in the first place which is still contraband due to your probation. You almost got yourself killed and got your partner shot while on a mission because you disregarded your handlers orders. You lied to my medics about the condition you were in. You continued to train injured and have shown no interest in your personal wellbeing.” Maria somehow kept her expression neutral and her voice at suitable volume.

Natasha kept her eyes glued on the floor. Still waiting for the screaming or the physicality to come. 

“Natasha. Look at me when I’m speaking to you.” Maria added firmly. 

Natasha had been taught all her life that making eye contact with a handler was a challenge. You looked at their feet. It was all you deserved. It was submission. On the other hand, disobeying a direct order was a death sentence so she went against her instincts and made eye contact. 

“I’m sorry ma’am. Please correct me so I may do better.” She answered, robotically. A response that was ingrained into her like a fiber of her very being. 

“Natasha, I’m disappointed in you.” 

The look in Maria’s eyes was enough to send Natasha over the edge. Maria didn’t get to act like she cared. Not after everything. Not after the way she ignored everything. “For what? Completing the mission that no one else had the balls to do?” She slammed the flash drive on the table, frustration pooled in her eyes. “Here’s the information you wanted.” 

“At shield we care more about our agents lives than data.” 

“Oh sure. You act all high and mighty. You act like you’re different. Like you care what happens to me or to any of your agents. To anyone. All of these organizations are the same thing.” 

“Agent Romanoff I can assure you that shield values human life more than anything.” Maria didn’t look up from her paperwork as she spoke. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with the woman standing in front of her.

“Okay fine. If you care so much then explain to me why you have made no attempt to dismantle the organization that will hunt me down and drag me back kicking and screaming. Destroying anything in their path.” 

“The Red Room has been on our radar for years but until you showed up we had no credible connection to them. The next mission we were planning on sending you on was our only current lead. We have reasons to believe a string of murders in New York are connected to a widow.” 

Natasha hadn’t heard anything about this yet but the sound was like music to her ears. Any chance of getting rid of those bastards was at the top of her list. 

“Natasha I promise you shield will keep you safe.” 

Natasha had to refrain from letting out a yell of frustration. No one here understands the gravity of this situation. The grasp the Red Room has. 

She slightly nodded in acknowledgment. Maria had yet to get mad at her about her outburst nor attempt to punish her for anything so she was ready to get the hell out of there. 

Maria finally looked up to meet Natasha’s eyes. “One more thing before you go. I understand it’s hard for you after everything that has happened but the guidelines set in place are for everyone’s safety. Including your own. Leave the knives here. Oh and hydrogen peroxide will get the blood out of your pants. You’re dismissed.”

Natasha reluctantly unloaded her myriad of stolen weapons onto the table, keeping only one for herself before muttering “I am aware” coldly and making her way back to her own room. 

Why was keeping her distance this hard? She had done it for 15+ years so why was it so difficult now? All she wanted to do was go joke with Clint and Bobbi or sit with Maria and talk but she knew that wasn’t possible. So she cuffed herself to the bed and turned off the light, stared into the darkness, and let all the unwelcome thoughts flood in. 

Chapter Text

Location: Helicarrier 

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: November 16th

Time: 8:25

*maria* 

While falling back into the mindset of a marine was easy, the past week had been anything but normal. 

Trying to avoid Natasha seemed like it would be an easy task but proved to be very difficult when it seemed like everywhere Maria turned she was met with some kind of complaint about Nat.

She had begun showing blatant disrespect to her handlers, snapping at fellow agents, picking fights, and skipping meals. None of which are things that the girl who stood in front of her almost timidly, two weeks ago would even dare to think about. 

Something had shifted with Natasha and as much as Maria wanted to pretend all was well and stay far away, it was still her job to handle it. 

Maria had arranged a meeting with Natasha to hopefully get to the root of the problems and fix them. 

The meeting was scheduled for 8:30am and sure enough strolled in a casual Natasha Romanoff at 8:30 on the dot. She took her seat across from Maria, crossing her legs and folding her arm over her chest. 

Her instincts were screaming at her to straighten up and respect her superior but in the end her pride and anger won her internal argument and she remained in the causal position she had taken in the chair. Even going so far as to slouch a little. she sat there unacknowledged for two minutes before her lips shifted into a pout. 

When Maria finally looked up she had to refrain herself from laughing at the sight in front of her. “Agent Romanoff.” She said while feigning a cough to hide her giggle. Natasha looked remarkably like a recently lectured teenager sitting in front of her. “Your behavior recently has been, for lack of a better word—disappointing. As I have said before. I understand this adjustment is hard but I expect more from you.” 

Maria watched as Natasha’s frown deepened and eventually had to consciously make the decision to look away from Natasha's face to rid herself of the overwhelming urge to kiss the pout right off those lips. 

“Natasha, you can’t pick fights with people because of your own personal issues. You are fully aware of your skills and know how badly you can injure people. It’s dangerous.”

“I haven’t hurt anyone yet.” Natasha looked up at Maria with puppy dog eyes.

“Yet is the keyword in that sentence.” Maria needed to pull herself together. She was supposed to be acting professional and distant. Not pining over Natasha, instead of yelling at her for breaking virtually every rule set in place. “Natasha I need you to hand over all the weapons you have acquired and explain how and where you got them. If this continues to be an issue in the future there will be serious consequences.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes as she began to pull tucked away knives from their various hiding spots. “This one’s from the caf.” She commented as she threw a Japanese knife onto the table. “This one is from Clint’s.” She tossed a serrated butter knife on top of the first knife. “This one is Bobbi’s.” She added a pink Swiss Army knife to the growing pile of knives. “Oh yeah and this one is yours. Here ya go.” She handed Maria a large multitool. 

“Natasha I would be so pissed but I’m honestly a little in awe. How the fuck did you get this and where are all those knifes coming from?? You literally don’t have pockets…” 

Natasha shrugged as she lined up the knives on the desk in order of size and color so she didn’t have to meet Maria’s eyes. 

“Please don’t steal anymore weapons. If you keep at it like this, shield will run out of supplies.” 

Maria laughed at her own joke and then watched Natasha for a moment before hesitantly continuing. 

“Natasha. I have been informed that you’re struggling significantly by multiple different people. You were supposed to start your mandatory therapy sessions weeks ago and for that I apologize. It was my fault. I didn’t want to bombard you with too many new things at the same time but now that you’re adjusted, those need to begin.” 

Natasha looked up at Maria with furrowed brows. “What are you insinuating? Why the fuck would I need therapy?” 

“Well let’s see. Not including any of the obvious reasons like uncharted amounts of trauma, you have severe anger issues.” 

“I wouldn’t have anger issues if people stopped pissing me the fuck off.” 

“That’s not.. okay you know what, never mind. Your first appointment is with Dr James at 3 o’clock this afternoon. Her office is in the north wing by the medbay. You are required to have two, hour long sessions a week unless you are on a mission. Speaking of missions there is a briefing tomorrow morning at 7 on the dot for your second missions. You’re dismissed agent Romanoff. 

As Natasha turned to leave she mumbled a “fuck you.” Loud enough so Maria could hear. She needed to figure out how far she could push before it was too much and now was as much a time as any to push buttons.

“Natasha.”  Maria’s voice slowed. Jokes she could take, frustration she understood but blatant disrespect is where she drew the line. No matter who it was, it was impermissible. She watched as Nat slowly turned around to meet her eyes. “Absolutely not. That was unacceptable and we are not doing that shit. Get out of my office.” 

Natasha mumbled an apology and forced herself to look truly sorry before stepping out of the office and smiling to herself as she walked down the hall to her room. She had gotten the information she wanted. 

———————-

*natasha*

By the time 3:00 rolled around Natasha was slightly grateful for the excuse of having a therapy session to attend. She had gone to an optional training session at 1:00 where a trainer attempted to demonstrate the skill he was teaching to which she replied by laughing, and whispering something about having seen 6 year old girls do it better than him. When asked to repeat what she said she obliged because (her exact words) “it was true.” And “lying is wrong.” The instructor made her stay behind after the session and clean the gym mats with a sponge. after half an hour of scrubbing she informed him that she “had to go to therapy because apparently she was fucked up in the head.” And left before giving him the chance to reply. 

Natasha entered Dr James’ office at 3:00 on the dot as she always did. They told you a time for a reason so being early was useless and being late was unacceptable. 

She was surprised to see, rather than a man seated on the other side of the room, was a blonde woman with her hair tied up in a loose messy bun. She had kind eyes and smile lines, even though she was probably only in her late thirties early forties which insinuated she was generally a positive person. 

The room was oddly cozy. The walls were a cream color and pastel artwork framed the walls. There were a myriad of different plants and random objects framing the armchair and couch that sat in the middle of the office. 

“Ah, Natasha. Come in, come in. Make yourself comfortable.” Dr James' voice matched her countenance. Cool and sweet.

Natasha cautiously entered the room and awkwardly sat on the edge of the couch. 

“My name is Dr Eloise James, I’ve been practicing in this field for about 15 years and have been at shield for 7. I’m very excited to get to know you! Tell me about yourself.”  She added with a smile a little too chipper for Natasha.

Natasha copied the smile. “My name was Natalia Romanova but I recently changed it to Natasha Romanoff. Too many pesky murder trials for political figures on that first one if you know what I’m saying.” She waved her hand through the air. 

Eloise’s eyes widened slightly as she tried to hide her shock. “Mhm, that definitely uhm makes sense.” She nodded slightly “tell me about your family, your background, anything really you want to talk about.”

“Well let’s see.” Natasha scrunched her nose as she again smiled politely before continuing. “I was trafficked as a child and was trained to become an assassin at the age of four. I was physically and mentally abused, tortured, and have killed a multitude of people but it’s okay because they were almost all men if you know what I’m saying. Now onto my family. My mother is probably dead, my father is unknown. My ‘adoptive’ mother is… hm where does she live now? Oh wait she’s dead. My ‘adoptive’ father is a dickhead. And then there’s my adoptive sister.” She furrowed her eyebrows as she pretended to think. “Oh wait she’s also dead.” She ended with a carefree laugh. “Now that I’ve told you my trauma can I leave?” She deadpanned as she stood up. 

“Thank you for opening up and sharing all of that with me. I understand how hard it is to trust someone with information like that so I applaud you and am very proud of your willingness to share.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes as she sat back down on the couch. 

“Natasha I understand you are here not by your own volition and how frustrating it must be to feel like you are being forced to share your past with a stranger and I want to let you know that is not the case. We are required to be here for an hour twice a week and I am here to help you. That does not mean I will force you to tell me anything. We can talk about your interests or your friends. We can talk about what you ate for lunch last week. We can play chess or a card game. We can even sit here in silence but we do have to be here. I’m hoping I will become someone you can come to and trust but I also understand I have known you for ten minutes and do not expect you to trust me with everything.” 

Natasha was surprised. She had expected a man who would attempt to squeeze every bit of information out of her and shame her for it which was why she had planned to drop little bits of true information in between lying her way out of the rest but this wasn’t like that. There was no way she was really okay with sitting in silence right? Or talking about food, or playing chess? To test her theory she replied with a nod and then sat in silence for the next fifteen minutes. When Dr James’ said nothing and allowed the silence, Natasha decided to try one of the other options she was given. 

“You really know how to play chess?” She asked. 

“Yes, it’s one of my favorite pastimes actually. Especially if I have a worthy opponent.” She winked as she pulled a chess set from the small cabinet in the side table that sat next to her. “Would you like to try?”

Natasha nodded. She couldn’t help but think she was being treated slightly like a toddler but she also knew she had been acting slightly like a toddler recently so she probably deserved it. 

When asked if she knew how to play Natasha replied no and then proceeded to hustle her therapist by quickly losing the first two games and starting the third very strategically. At about ten minutes in she was set up to win within the next 15 moves but an alarm in her watch went off, informing her that it was 4:00. Without another word she stood up and walked out, mumbled a quick goodbye and closed the door behind her.

Chapter Text

Location: Helicarrier

Direct coordinates: classified 

Date: November 17th

Time: 7:30am

*Natasha*

Natasha sat in the black office chair staring at the screen in front of her intently. Hill was briefing the team on the mission. Fury was absent and no one had questioned it. 

“There is someone very efficient running hits on some high profile people. We have been attempting to track her down for the past two weeks but only got our first real lead yesterday. We have reasons to believe that she may be connected to the red room.” Maria turned her attention towards Natasha. “Agent Romanoff, do you have any way to confirm or deny any connection with the red room through the pictures or names of her victims?” Maria began scrolling through a PowerPoint. The first slide, a list of names. the rest, pictures of the victims. 

Natasha nodded her head slowly. “The wounds are consistent with that of a red room victim. The injuries sustained on slide four and five, I can confirm are from widow bites but the rest have no confirmable connection to a widow.” 

“I thought you said they were consistent with that of a red room victim?” A voice beside her popped up. It came from a man she hadn’t met before but she had heard enough about. His name was Lance Hunter. Bobbi’s boyfriend. He had been on a long term mission for months but arrived back late last night. He was apparently very skillful but Natasha couldn’t help but doubt the necessity of having him on this mission. There were dozens of other agents, and he was bound to be jet lagged. 

“Correct.” Natasha refrained from rolling her eyes. “Widow bites are a Red Room specific weapon. Meaning I can confirm victims four and five were killed by a widow. Now onto victims one, two, three, and six. Widows are classy, swift, very well trained, and smart. So if one of these victims had been I don’t know, say bashed in the face with a trophy, I could confidently say they weren’t killed by a widow but that’s not the case. They were all clean hits. Done by professionals no doubt but I cannot confidently say they were don’t by a widow because there is not evidence for it. Long story short I can neither confirm nor deny.” She said in a voice akin to that of a parent explaining something to their four year old. 

She had only known Hunter for about 30 minutes but she didn’t like him. That could be plausibly attributed to one of two options. 1–she actually did not like him or 2–she was letting her frustrations with the current situation bleed into her opinions of new people. 

She had been given a Manila folder with the information on the mission inside but 70% of it was redacted. The two blurry photos of the target were gone entirely. The direct location, the general location, and the “credible sources” were all inked out. As well as the description of the target. She understood it was case sensitive. especially with her close connection to it, and she was still on probation as it was only her second mission and the last one had gone so horribly wrong but it was still frustrating. What in the world did they think they were accomplishing by hiding things from her?

“We are most likely dealing with a Red Room operative so be careful, and follow all orders.” Maria shot Natasha a pointed look. “You.” She gestured to Natasha, Bobbi and Hunter. “all have someone in charge of you for a reason. No matter how much smarter you think you are or how much better you can do, you’re wrong and I honestly don’t give a fuck. This is your one warning. If I catch wind of any of you acting like toddlers, and disregarding orders again I will have your ass. Understand?” 

A chorus of “yes ma’am’s” echoed before she continued her lecture on what the mission was to entail, protocol, etc. 

Natasha tried to stay focused but her mind kept wandering. Something didn’t add up here. A widow wouldn’t stay in one place for two hits much less 7. The Red Room would’ve called her back after the first. There was something wrong. They plan things too well. If a widow was in the states, she would have a direct order and a detailed plan. She would be dropped off, complete the mission and immediately picked up. Unless it was a long term mission. In which case she would remain undetectable until needed, strike, and then taken back. 

“Agent Romanoff. Am I interrupting your daydream?” Maria harshly pulled her out of her thoughts. 

“No ma’am I was listening.” Natasha never would’ve dared to contradict a superior in the Red Room but in her month at shield she had realized that they really did live up to their claims. They were different. 

“Mhm. You better have been, because none of that will be repeated and your ass is not allowed to die on this mission.” She deadpanned. “None of you are for that matter.” She gestured around the table. “If you die I will kill you.” 

Natasha had to snuff a laugh at that remark. 

“You’re dismissed. The quinjet will be taking off in thirty minutes.” 

Everyone quickly filed out of the room except Natasha. 

“Commander, may I have a word?” Natasha asked not quite respectfully but not uncivil enough to get in trouble. 

“If you’re quick. I have a lot of work to do.” Maria answered in the same tone. Not looking up from the tablet in her arm. 

Natasha firmly set the folder on the table as her tone of voice took a sharp turn. “I don’t understand how you expect me to do my job when you don’t give me any information on my target. I don’t know where we’re going or who we’re looking for.” 

“Agent Romanoff, you know full well that you are still on probation.”  Maria finally looked up from what she was doing and sat the tablet on the table next to the folder.

“Okay so what you're saying is that shield doesn’t trust me? They think I’m still working with the Red Room?” So you as 2IC of Shield don’t trust me. Because I know full well that if you wanted to, you could get rid of all of this.” Natasha waved her hand over the items on the table. 

“I never said that.” Maria looked a little bit hurt by the insinuation and if Natasha had been paying more attention than she normally would have realized but right now she didn’t care about sparing feelings or saving face. She was mad, confused, frustrated, and looking for someone to take it out on. 

“Yeah but you also never denied it. So riddle me this. Did you not trust me when our lips were locked? Did you not trust me when you kissed my forehead and cried in the hospital room?” Natasha looked at Maria with tears in her eyes but before Maria could answer herself, she cut her off and answered for her. “That’s what I thought.” She added a mumbled “bitch” as she shook her head and began to make her way out of the room. 

“Natasha, wait.” Maria’s voice was filled with emotion. She waited until Natasha stopped at the door and turned towards her before continuing. “We need to talk about this. I’m sorry for everything but you’re going on a mission and right now is not the time. You can’t do this when we’re here like this. I’m still your superior and we need to stay professional while we figure this out. Either way you can’t go around cussing me out when you’re mad.” 

The tears that were brimming in Natasha’s eyes finally streamed down her cheek. She made no move to wipe them away as she delivered the final blow. “Fine. Sorry. Just forget everything. I’ll make sure to keep everything ‘professional’ for you from now on, commander.” She wiped the tears as she let out a bitter laugh and walked out the door. 

“Natasha, wait” Maria called out. “Fuck what did I do.” She whispered to herself. While falling back into the chair behind her. She knew there was no use in going after her. She rubbed her temples as she sat there. Helpless. 

——————-

Time: 8:15

The quinjet had taken off about ten minutes ago and everyone was finally getting settled when Bobbi left her seat and made her way over to Natasha. 

“Right before we left Maria pulled me aside and asked me to give you this.” Bobbi handed Nat a familiar Manila folder before she sat down next to her. 

“What is this?” Natasha asked as she opened the folder to reveal the file on the target in its entirety. 

“I’m not sure. I think it’s the file. Maria just said to make sure it got to you. Some photos fell out of it and into a puddle on my way out here.” 

Bobbi left Natasha to her own devices, and took her seat next to Hunter. 

As soon as she was alone Natasha began to flip through the new information she was given. She was right. The mission was in America. Washington to be exact, which was weird because Washington is too high profile for a widow to be setting up camp. Too dangerous. 

The description was pretty generic, it fit that of a widow. 5’3-5’6. Very young. Maybe 14 or 15. She wore baggy clothes so her physique was missing from the descriptions. She did well at hiding her identity. Her hair had only been seen twice. One report of a deep chestnut color and the other reporting a blonde. One witness supposedly saw her eyes. A striking blue but with the other discrepancies in the witness’ accounts, Natasha was inclined to be a sceptic. 

The lack of information was disappointing but it was better than nothing. Natasha now knew that she was looking for a short, teenager. Possibly blonde or brunette, most likely wearing baggy clothes. She also knew that if it was a widow she had probably never seen her before due to her age. Their ages were far enough apart that even if Natasha hadn’t excelled up the ladder quickly and skipped stages, they still probably would not have met. 

All the information was pointing to a widow. Who else that young could be trained that well. This meant Natasha had to be extra careful. They were most likely informed she was a traitor, meaning if they recognized her, they would be very hostile upon contact. 

She turned the page on the file in her hand. The tip they had been given was an abandoned apartment that the girl was supposedly staying in. The plan was to set up and stakeout until the target left the apartment. 

The rest of the flight was pretty standard. Everyone kept to themselves. Natasha thought about her interaction with Maria nonstop until they landed. 

They arrived in Washington and immediately got into position outside the building. Coulson in the van a block away. Hunter on the roof of the next building with a tranquilizer, and Bobbi and Natasha seated on the patio of the coffee shop across the street. Ready to do damage control. 

Hours passed with no movement. They knew she was inside because the heat signature was correct for someone her size and stature. They just had to wait it out. 

“Why was this even a stakeout?” Natasha hissed to Bobbi who was stationed next to her. 

“Probably because she knows in there better than we do and she’s dangerous. Waiting for her to come out is safer than trying to neutralize her in her space.” Bobbi whispered, turning half of her attention to Natasha but not letting her eyes leave the entrance to the building. 

“This is bullshit. She’s a kid. I’m going inside.” Natasha stood up and began strolling towards the building. If anyone knew not to underestimate someone by their age or appearance it should be natasha but alas her mind was otherwise occupied with thoughts of lovers quarrels. 

She strode into the building and made her way up the stairs, drawing her gun as she stepped out onto the second floor. She saw a figure and aimed. 

That’s when she caught a glimpse.

Those eyes. That hair. All of it was familiar. 

This was the face that haunted her dreams.

The one she failed to save. 

Was this her second chance?

“Lenochka” Her gun clattered to the floor as the haunting whisper echoed in the emptiness. 

The figure whipped her head around. Recognition flooded her eyes as she stared at Natasha. 

Chapter Text

Location: Seattle Washington

Direct coordinates: 47.60038° N, 122.33197° W

Date: November 17th

“Natalia?” The figure hesitantly called out, confusion flooding her expression as she quickly pulled out her gun and aimed it at Natasha. 

“Yes baby it’s me.” Natasha called out, voice shaking with emotion as she stepped towards the girl in front of her.

The figure stepped forward as well, keeping her gun aimed at Natasha’s forehead. The confused expression fleeing her face, quickly replaced with that of anger. “Lying will get you nowhere. I won’t let you take me back.” She hissed, her sharp Russian accent accentuated by the echo. 

She stepped forward and put the barrel of the gun on Natasha’s temple, before frisking her face. 

“Yelena. What are you doing?” Natasha scrunched her brows. Unfazed by the gun aimed at her head. 

“Looking for the off button of the electrostatic veil.” She answered, preoccupied by poking and prodding the face of her sister.

For the first time in over ten years, Natasha really looked at her baby sister. She had grown, which Natasha supposed was a given on account of the fact that it had been a decade. Her blonde hair was probably around mid back length but intricately braided into a bun. She was around the same height as Natasha, but she looked to be only 14 or 15. She was covered in dirt from head to toe. Her body was littered with cuts and scars and bruises. The sight of which made Natasha’s stomach churn. She thought of little yelena. Of her unmarred skin and innocent mind. And then she thought of the red room. She thought of the airstrip and the helplessness she felt. 

Every time she looked at Yelena she was reminded of what she had failed. She hadn’t saved that sweet baby and now she had no idea what she’d been through all by herself. 

“Yelena, it is me. Natalia.” Nat gently tried to move the gun off her head but was immediately met with a swift punch to the jaw before the gun returned to its spot on her temple.

“Natalia is dead.” Yelena stared at her with anger burning in her eyes. But Natasha saw deeper. Hidden behind the anger in her expression, was the pain, the desperation., maybe even the tiny sliver of hope.

“Okay.” Natasha lifted her hand to her jaw as she opened and closed her mouth, making sure it wasn’t broken. “If I wasn’t Natalia, how would I know this?” She let out a distinct, sharp, two note whistle.

Yelena's jaw dropped as she stared, frozen in shock before jumping at Natasha and tackling her in a hug. 

Natasha felt her eyes welling with tears as she held her baby sister whose body racked with sobs. 

“They told me you were dead.” Yelena whispered through tears.

“I’m here, little one. I’m here.” Natasha replied, wiping the tears off Yelena's cheek with her thumb.

They held each other close. Time and space seeming to pause around them. The two sides of the magnets that had been searching for their other half for a decade finally colliding.

Coulsons voice in Natasha’s ear finally pulled her out of the trance. “Romanoff? Do you copy? We’re sending in backup.” 

She peeled Yelena off of her, sending her a reassuring glance and kissing her forehead before pressing her finger into her ear and replying “no need. I’m exiting the building now. Target in hand.”

 “Lenochka. The people outside. I’m with them. They’re different. Come with me.” 

“Nata.” Yelena looked up at her, fear and desperation sparkling in her eyes. “Не дай им забрать меня” [Don’t let them take me away] 

Natasha kissed yelena on the forehead before tightening the hug “I promise I will keep you safe Lena.” 

The two began their walk towards the door, avoiding all windows. 

When they got to the exit Natasha stopped, putting her hands on Yelena's shoulders as she turned to face her. “Lenochka. You were our mission. They know you’re dangerous so they are going to be hostile but I have you I promise.”

“I don’t need your protection, I can handle myself.” Yelena's eyebrows pinched as she replied before adding a mumbled “I have managed without you for a decade.” 

Natasha chuckled softly, pretending that sentence didn’t feel like a punch to the gut. “Okay. This is just precautions and I need you to really trust me here Lena.” Natasha pulled out a pair of handcuffs and held them out to her sister. 

“No. Absolutely not Natalia.” Yelena hissed, her accent thickening as she spoke quickly. “You want me to be incapacitated and then follow you out to God knows where to plausibly be murdered? I don’t think so.”

The sudden hostility yelena showed threw Nat off. “Yelena they will tranquilize you without a second thought if you aren’t debilitated in some way. I promise I will keep you safe.” 

Yelena looked up to meet Natasha’s eyes. “обещать?” [Promise?]

Natasha kissed her sisters hair before answering “обещать.” [promise]

Yelena nodded once before offering her wrists to Natasha. 

After securing the handcuffs, Natasha carefully stepped out of the door, Yelena following closely behind. She began to make her way back to the meeting point before they were both yanked into an alleyway. 

“Natasha what the fuck are you doing?!” Hissed Hunter, his tranq gun aimed at Yelena’s neck. 

“Calm down. Look at her, she’s a child.” Natasha glared back. 

“A child who’s dangerous and has murdered people.” 

“I’m dangerous and have murdered people but you better not think about aiming that gun at me.” 

“Oh believe you me. I have thought about it on many separate occasions.” 

“Hunter, stop being a dick.” Bobbi’s voice sounded out from behind him. “She is a kid but he’s right, Nat. We can’t risk anything. She is very dangerous. Do you know her? Is she a widow?”

“She is a widow, but no, I have never trained with her or even seen her before in the red room.”  

“If she's a widow then we can’t take her back to shield like this. Who knows what contacts she has. The tranq is the best option.” 

Yelena looked up at Nat before gently pinching her side to get her attention and then sending a discreet pleading glance her way.

“No tranq. Widows have high tolerance to sedatives. She’s compliant currently and we have no idea how hostile stabbing her with a needle will make her. Especially if all she has in her system is a half ass tranq. Give her a benzodiazepine and leave these handcuffs on. When we get close, blindfold her. I will watch her on the jet.” 

Yelena stared up at Nat, a look of betrayal flickering across her face. “Какого хуя?” [what the fuck] 

Natasha shot her sister a quick glance before hissing “Всё в порядке, поверь мне” [it’s okay, trust me] To avoid all suspicion, she had to make her tone while speaking Russian as commanding as possible. She didn’t want anyone catching on to what was going on here. 

Bobbi eyed her suspiciously before agreeing. “Okay fine but don’t leave her side.” 

————————-

They sat on the quinjet in silence until yelena leaned over and tapped Natasha’s shoulder, curiosity glinting in her eye.

“Почему ты солгал той девушке?” [Why did you lie to that girl?] she asked while raising an eyebrow, and vaguely gesturing at Bobbi.

“Но я никогда не лгал.” [I never lied though.] she replied with a smirk. “Технически я тебя там никогда не видел, и мы точно не тренировались вместе.” [I technically never saw you there and we definitely did not train together.] 

Yelena wanted to laugh. So typical Nat. But making it seem like they knew each other or were even civil was too dangerous. So no laughing at jokes.

She glanced over at Hunter who was asleep across the jet. “Он мудак” [he’s a dick] she told her sister.

But before Natasha could answer, Bobbi piped up from her seat, not looking up from her book as she said “oh he definitely can be but he is a good person.” 

Natasha and Yelena sat there in shock before exchanging glances and switching languages. 

“Saviez-vous qu'elle parle russe?” [did you know she speaks Russian] Yelena asked her sister in French, hoping to throw off the strange woman across the room. 

“I would assume not. I never told her. I also speak French, German, Spanish, and Italian.” Bobbi again answered for Natasha, her focus still on the book in her hand. “So. Care to explain the ‘not lie’?” She turned her attention to Natasha while setting her book on the seat beside her.”

Natasha’s expression changed to a grimace as she stared at Bobbi, trying to decide whether to trust her or not. 

After a couple seconds of contemplating she decided ‘fuck it’ “Bobbi. Meet my sister. Yelena.” She announced.

Bobbi’s jaw dropped as she looked back and forth between the two. Completely at a loss for words. 

“Сука” [bitch] yelena hissed as she not so gently elbowed Natasha who was sitting next to her. “Why would you tell her that?” 

Bobbi chuckled as she mumbled, “Yup, definitely sisters.” And watched the interaction. 

“It’s fine, yelena. She was going to figure it out at some point and she’s trustworthy.” 

Yelena glared at her sister from her seat but said nothing. 

“Natasha why the fuck didn’t you tell us? Wait, does anyone else know about this?” Bobbi asked. 

Yelena slightly tuned out of the conversation as she realized that this blonde lady had called Natalia Natasha. “What the fuck was up with that?” She thought to herself. She shrugged it off and tuned back into the conversation when she heard her name. 

“Yelena, how old are you now?” Natasha turned to her. 

“Fifteen,” Yelena answered quickly. “But I will be sixteen soon.” She added indignantly. 

Bobbi nodded. “You two don’t look alike.” She added, looking between the two, more like a statement than a question. 

“And your point is?” Natasha wasn’t ready to reveal anything about Ohio to anyone yet. It felt like saying it out loud was betraying it. Making it less sacred. Like if she told anyone it wouldn’t be hers and Yelena’s anymore.

“I don’t know. Sorry I mentioned it.” Bobbi backtracked immediately at Natasha’s hostility, not wanting to start another fight now that they were finally back to being civil. “So how was what you told me not a lie again?” 

“We never trained together in the red room. I don’t even think we saw each other once in a little less than a decade. I was told she didn’t survive when I was eleven but when I was 15 another widow informed me that she was alive. After that I chose to believe she had died. Only 20% of widows make it through basic training.” Natasha replied with a shrug of faux indifference. Pretending like reducing her belief of her sister being dead wasn’t the most soul crushing thing she has experienced. 

“When I turned 7 they told me she was dead. I suppose they saw how much I cared for her. They said she was weak and that I could be better than her. Said she never mattered. Love is for children and affection is weakness.” Yelena also shrugged at the end of her sentence. 

Bobbi stared at these two girls. They were saying these things so casually. Like they were giving the weather report rather than talking about trauma and horrific abuse. They acted like none of it bothered them one bit. 

Every bit of information she learned about the red room simultaneously made her want to learn more but also believe that if she knew the full extent she would be sick to her stomach. She was finally beginning to start to understand the redhead seated in front of her. 

After a couple of minutes she decided the sisters could probably use a few minutes to catch up and made her way to the cockpit. 

“Natashenka.” Yelena suddenly looked up at her sister. “How… when… What happened? How did you escape?” She stumbled over her words as she asked the question. 

“I ran.” Natash answered. “I took the first opportunity I could and booked it out of there. I had tried once before. When they told me you were dead but something happened a year ago and I felt like I had nothing left to live for so I ran. I figured if they caught me, they caught me.” She shrugged “I made it out though. I worked as a contract killer much like you, until someone from shield was sent to kill me.” A fondness glinted in her eye as she spoke of Clint. “I didn’t care anymore so I let him win the fight. He uh. He didn’t take the shot and instead brought me back and now here I am.” Natasha ended with a shy smile. 

Yelena looked down at the floor, her expression quickly becoming unnaturally stoic. 

“Lena? What's wrong little one?” Natasha asked. Concern quickly taking over when her sister didn’t answer. 

“Things changed last year. Changed a lot. It all makes sense.” She added with a cold laugh. She looked over at her Nat. The look in her eyes changing from stoic to hurt with a hint of anger as she shook her head and laughed again. 

“I’m sorry yelena.” Natasha reached over to rub her sisters back. 

“Не трогай меня” [Don’t touch me.] She hissed as she pushed her sister's hand away. 

“Yelena what is going on?” Natasha asked, the sudden change in temperament confusing her. 

“You’re just like them, hm?” 

Natasha scrunched her eyebrows together as she waited for her sister to continue.

“Like mama and papa.” Yelena glared. 

Natasha stared at her in confusion. Where had this come from? What was she talking about?

“You left me. You left me there to die just to save your ass?” Yelena asked, hostility lacing her voice as she shifted her weight away from her sister. “You didn’t even come back for me after the fact.”

“Lena, I thought you were dead.” Hurt flickered across Natasha’s face at her sisters accusations. 

“No. No! You don’t get to use that as an excuse. You believed I was dead because it was convenient. Because it was easier than living with the guilt of leaving me there.” 

Natasha stared at her sister. She didn’t know what to say. Those words had hit too close to home. Maybe she was right and that really was why she believed it. Because of her own selfish desire. She sat in silence as yelena continued. 

“I suffered and suffered at the hands of that horrible man because when you left I became his favorite. I was his prized possession. His girl.” Yelena looked sick as she yelled the words at Natasha.“Every time something happened I would think about you. About how much you loved me and about how if you were alive you would save me.” She let out another humorless laugh as she continued. “And you’ve been out here living life for a fucking year?” She sobered as she looked up at her sister with pleading eyes. “You didn’t even try.” The sentence coming out more like a question than a statement. 

“Yelena please-” 

“Why? Give me one good fucking reason why I should trust you right now.” Yelena scooted away from Natasha. Purposefully putting as much space in between them as possible.

“Lena. I love you. I’m sorry.” Tears slowly made their way down Natasha’s cheeks as she spoke. “I’m so so sorry baby. I love you more than anything or anyone. I thought of you the whole time. You were what kept me going. You gave me my life. You taught me how to love. They had tried to train that out of me for years before you came along and you single handedly gave that back the moment you reached for me with your grubby little fingers. I have thought of you every second of every day for the last ten years.” 

The tears in Yelena's eyes finally brimmed over as her sister looked at her lovingly. 

“A day has not gone by that I don’t regret not fighting harder in Ohio. When they told me you were dead it crushed me so much that I tried to escape. I felt more hope than I had in years when Elise told me you were alive but I convinced myself you didn’t survive because the thought of you going through anything that I did was too much to handle. A moment doesn’t go by where I think I made the right decision by leaving you.”

Natasha reached for her sister, closing the gap Yelena had placed between them before engulfing her in a hug. She felt yelena tense up instinctively before relaxing in the hold. 

Natasha couldn’t help but think that was her fault. The instinct to tense. To be afraid when someone is near you. Yelena didn’t have that when she was little. “If I had tried harder would she have been safe?” Thought Natasha as the tears got heavier.

“I’m sorry little one. So so sorry.” She choked out between sobs. 

“I know.” Yelena whispered as she reciprocated the hug. 

Chapter Text

Location: quinjet. 

Direct coordinates: 39.18556° N, 96.64450° W

Date: November 17th. 

The sisters eventually shifted into a more comfortable position until they both inevitably fell asleep.

Bobbi eventually made her way out of the cockpit and saw the sleeping girls. She obviously immediately took a picture for future blackmail before settling into her seat. 

At about ten minutes out Hunter began to stir so Bobbi made the dangerous decision to wake Natasha, under the assumption that she wouldn’t want anyone to know the secret without her telling them expressly. 

Bobbi gently shook Natasha awake, forgetting her jumpiness and was met with an opened knife aimed at her side.

“Woah woah, calm down.” She whispered. “We’re five minutes out and Hunter was about to wake up so I figured you would appreciate me making sure you two were up first.”

“Oh. Sorry. Uhm Thanks.” Natasha remorsefully replied as she slipped the knife back to its place and began to wake up yelena. 

“Lenochka. We are about to arrive.” She whispered in her sister's ear. 

Yelena stirred quickly at the voice. Her whole body tensed as she looked around with wide eyes, seeming to have forgotten where she was before she met her sister's gaze and instinctively relaxed. 

“Bobbi. Has there been any contact with anyone on base? What should we expect when we get back?” Natasha asked. 

She suddenly became hyper aware of the fact that after initial orders, and the check in, Coulson had seemingly disappeared.

“Coulson had a check in with Maria while I was in the cockpit.” Bobbi replied with an apologetic look on her face. “She’s gonna have your ass. You’re done for.” 

“Fuck.” Natasha looked up at Bobbi “she was fucking serious?” 

“Have you ever heard Maria Hill joke?” 

“Fuck.” Natasha repeated as she shook her head.

“Natalia, who is Maria? What’s going on?” Yelena cut in, slightly concerned. 

“She’s the deputy director of shield. A bitch. She warned us before we left to follow orders and I uh may or may not have done that.” 

“Nat what the fuck. Disobeying direct orders.  Are you stupid?” 

“Probably.” Bobbi answered for her as she sat down. “We are entering our descent so we should be there soon.”

“Damn. How did you even survive the red room?” Yelena muttered as she shook her head at her sister, hiding a smile.

As the jet neared the loading dock, Natasha became increasingly nervous. In the excitement and craziness of finding yelena she had fully disregarded the consequences this whole thing would cause. 

“It’s fine.” She told herself. “She won’t do anything crazy. It’s fine.” She kept reciting over and over again in her head. 

———————-

The loading dock was suspiciously empty when they landed. The team quickly made their way off the jet. Nat took her place, dragging Yelena towards the door like she was a prisoner. She technically was. 

As Natasha opened the door she and Yelena were met with the happy face of Clint Barton. On account of seeing an unknown and unpredictable person, Yelena quickly schooled her face into a scowl that made her look much more like the hardened assassin they were chasing than the young teen she was.

“Oh hey Nat!” He smiled, happy to see her for the first time since their argument. “Bobbi, Hunter, Coulson.” He acknowledged as they made their way past him. 

“Maria said to tell y’all that the full debrief can wait until after everyone is cleaned up and rested but she wants to speak to Coulson in her office and then Natasha.” He gave Nat a look of pity before continuing. “I can deal with the prisoner if that works.”

Natasha looked down at her little sister who was still glaring at all the men crowding the pair. “Don’t worry I can get her down there and then I will go speak to Maria.” 

Bobbi gave her a look that strongly resembled that of a mother who was asking her child if what they were about to do was a good idea. 

“You don’t want to get cleaned up or anything?” Clint asked, trying to be helpful. After all Natasha was back to her previous self and seemed to have dropped the bitchiness for the moment so if being abnormally nice would keep her like this then Clint would be fucking Mother Theresa. 

“Nope I’m good.” Natasha replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

The sisters made their way to the elevator, quickly hopping in, hoping to avoid any more questions.  

“Can you take these fucking handcuffs off of me now?” Yelena looked up expectantly at her sister. 

“No сестра. I’m sorry. I can’t take them off nor can I avoid letting them put you in a cell downstairs. At least not until I talk to Maria and or Fury.” [sister]

Yelena rolled her eyes. She wasn’t happy about this arrangement but she was expecting it nonetheless. “Nata, I thought you hated her?” 

“I never said that. I said she was a bitch. Not that I hated her. There’s a total difference.” Natasha smirked. 

Yelena raised her eyebrows at her sister, fully disagreeing but the door dinged open before she could argue. 

“If they give you food before I get here, don’t eat anything if you can help it but if you need it then only eat the corn.” Natasha whispered as she opened the large steel doors with the keycard Clint had lent her. 

“What are you talking about?” Yelena began to whisper but stopped immediately when she saw the guard on the other side of the door. Her face returning to its resting glare. 

Natasha walked her to the cell, making sure she got settled before loudly saying “you’re gonna rot in hell for what you did.” And whispering “I’m sorry baby I have to keep up the guise ya know.” 

She closed and locked the door on the cell. Leaving her little sister alone in the cell she herself had sat in no more than two months ago. 

“She’s trouble that one.” She told the guard as she strolled past. Driving the lie home. 

She made her way to her room instead of Maria’s office. She was anything but eager to have this conversation so any delay she could force she would take. The repercussions couldn’t get much worse than they were right now right?

She had been in her room for all of 45 seconds when a knock on her door pulled her out of her overthinking. 

“What do you want?” She waked as she opened the door, her voice admittedly a little harsher than she intended. 

Clint’s face popped in the doorway, completely unfazed by her unwelcoming demeanor. “You were supposed to meet Maria, remember. I went to give her some paperwork and she sent me to come get you. She’s pissed though.” 

Natasha widened her eyes and looked confused, playing the part of the innocent girl who had simply made a mistake. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry I completely forgot.” She gasped a little melodramatically before stepping into the hallway and locking her door behind her. 

“Nat what did you do?” Clint asked, clearly curious. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” She shrugged as she quickly walked away from him. 

“What’s worse? Angry Maria or friendly Clint.” She muttered to herself as soon as she got out of Clint’s earshot. 

She took a deep breath as she stood outside Maria’s office door.

After about five calming breaths she worked up the courage to knock on the door and put the uncaring mask over her emotions. 

She knocked quieter than usual and was expecting an angry reply but she was met with an eerily calm “come in.” 

She opened the door to see Maria sitting at her desk. Her lips pursed as she stared up at Natasha disapprovingly.

“Agent Romanoff.” She sighed. “Take a seat.” 

Natasha sat in the chair opposite of Maria, bracing herself for the screaming match that was most likely about to occur. It was common knowledge that Hardass Hill liked to yell. 

Maria took her eyes off the paperwork she was previously working on to meet Natasha’s. “I’m not going to give you some dumbass spiel about how ‘I’m not mad I’m just disappointed.’ Because that’s not true. I’m fucking livid. I told you not to do one thing before you left. One singular thing. What was it?” 

Natasha cleared her throat slightly, eyes fixed on the floor, slightly shrinking under Maria’s heated gaze. It wasn't because she was scared of Maria (though maybe it was ever so slightly.) It was because she knew deep down that Maria was right. She really only had one rule on this mission and it was an easy one to follow. She was embarrassed. Mad at herself. What had gotten into her? Why was she incapable of doing what she had done every day for as long as she could remember? 

Maybe it wasn’t that she was incapable but rather that the taste of freedom showed her the rest of the world. It showed her the possibilities she could have. Showed her that it was possible to make your own decisions. On the other hand Shield was still new. Still different. How far could she push before they snapped? Before they stopped being the good guys they pretended to be. No one was good. Not really. 

“Agent Romanoff, that was not rhetorical.” Maria’s voice broke her out of her overthinking. 

“Disobey orders.” Natasha answered, finally meeting Maria’s gaze. 

“And tell me. What the fuck did you do.” Maria asked harshly. 

“Disregarded orders and did what I wanted.” Natasha answered again, fully truthful. 

“Natasha I don’t even know what to do with you anymore.” Maria sighed “you’ve shown yourself to be uncooperative, incapable of working as a team, and excuse my unprofessional language but overall just a cocky little shit.” Maria reached over the desk to grab a file sitting close to Natasha but stopped in her tracks when Natasha violently flinched at the nearness of her hand. 

Maria quickly pulled her hand back. The two stared at each other for a spell, understanding in their eyes. 

Maria cleared her throat quietly before breaking eye contact and starting again, more gently this time. “Agent Romanoff. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t send you back to jail. You have exhibited no interest in being a successful shield agent or contributing to our program at all.” 

Natasha took a deep breath before looking at Maria sincerely. “I have a reason to live now. A reason to fight.” 

Maria furrowed her eyebrows, slightly confused at the sentence placed in front of her.

Natasha took another deep breath before continuing. “That girl in the basement right now. You give her a good life, don’t force her to work, don’t abuse her, don’t fucking separate us and I will do whatever you want whenever you want. I will be your damn dog if you ask.” 

Maria was again confused before she realized who had just been taken down to the basement. “Natasha, who is that widow?” She asked, her tone changing completely. 

“It’s my sister.” Natasha replied pleading with her eyes for Maria to agree with the offer. 

“You have a sister? On the polygraph you answered truthfully that you didn’t have any family.” Maria had seen the polygraph results with her own two eyes. Truth detectors didn’t lie. 

“Well (a) I didn’t lie because I thought she was dead and (b) if I had, that wouldn’t be the first time I had cheated a polygraph and probably not the last either.” 

Maria almost laughed at that. It was easy for her to forget Natasha’s upbringing and her skills. “You’re telling me that if we agree to those conditions you will become a shield agent willingly? This isn’t us forcing you to do this and you will follow orders and be cooperative?” 

“You tell me anything and I will blindly follow. I will show my worth, I promise.” 

“Natasha, I know your skill set. I see your potential and I genuinely truly believe you can be an asset to shield with the right motivation. That girl downstairs can be that motivation. But I want you to do it for her. To show her that you can be more than what the red room made you. I want you to do this for yourself as well. I don’t want you to do this as a trade for you two's safety.”

Natasha nodded in reply. 

“Natasha. Is what you said still true? Do you still want to wipe the red out of your ledger and leave Natalia in the past?” 

“More than anything Maria.” Natasha looked up at her earnestly. 

“Okay.” Maria nodded “I believe you. I’m giving you and your sister a chance. I’m putting my trust in you. Don’t break that.” Maria watched as Natasha’s face lit up like a little kid. She kept her expression neutral but Natasha’s happiness was contagious. 

Natasha stood up to leave in the heat of the moment. 

“Hey, I haven’t dismissed you. don’t think you’re off the hook for this one. You are completely capable of following orders but have been choosing not to.” 

“What was it with people and giving me the mom look today” she thought to herself as Maria spoke. 

“If you want to act like a toddler you can be treated like a toddler. You will have a babysitter.” Maria deadpanned. “I'm appointing May as your S.O. From now on, you won’t leave her sight without express permission from 1:00-5:00.” 

Natasha almost rolled her eyes. “A babysitter?” She scoffed. 

“A babysitter.” Maria nodded. “Now. Let’s talk about your sister.” She pulled a stack of papers and set them on her desk in between them.  “I just asked one of the guards to bring her up here so we can talk to her. Can you give me her basic information while we wait?” 

“Her name is Yelena Alexeyevna Belova. She is 15 years old and has worked under the red room since she was 6 years old but has been in their care since she was 3. Other than that I don’t really know because I was under the impression she hadn’t survived.” 

“Fuck” Maria muttered. She knew the red room was cruel but hadn’t realized just how young they took in children. At 15 Yelena was still a child and she had already been working as an assassin for almost a decade. 

“Belova not Romanova?” She asked as she wrote down the basic information on the papers. 

“It’s a long story.” Natasha waved it off. Still not ready to speak to anyone about Ohio. 

Maria nodded as someone knocked on the door. “Come in” she called out as a guard and a young blonde in handcuffs walked in. 

“Thank you Ben. You can leave her with us.” 

The guard looked a little confused but did as he was told. Yelena strolled in the room and took her place standing behind Natasha’s chair. Eyes fixed on the floor. 

Natasha turned to face her. “Lena. This is Commander Hill.” She gestured to Maria. “Maria, this is my sister Yelena.” 

“It’s very nice to meet you.” Maria nodded. 

Yelena turned to Natasha “Кто-нибудь может снять с меня эти грёбаные наручники?” [can someone get these fuckass cuffs off me now?] 

Natasha couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Leave it to yelena to be hung up on the handcuffs. 

“Yes малыш” [baby] she giggled as she glanced over at Maria who was very obviously confused. 

“She wants to know if we can get rid of the handcuffs.” 

“Oh uh yeah, I think I have a universal key here somewhere.” Maria began scrambling around in her desk drawers. “Here.” She handed over the small key. 

Natasha quickly took the key, freeing her sister from the bounds of the handcuffs. 

Yelena thanked her as she rubbed her sore wrist. 

“Yelena. How would you feel about staying here? Living here. With me.” Natasha asked. 

Yelena's expression stayed neutral but her eyes lit up. She glanced at Maria before answering. “I will do whatever is asked of me.” She replied robotically. 

“Look at me, not Maria.” Natasha chided her sister as she reached up and grabbed her chin, turning her to face her. “That’s not what I asked Lena. Would you like to live here with me?” 

“Yes.” She whispered, blocking out everything in the room but her sister. 

“Okay good.” Natasha turned to Maria. “We can talk terms and conditions now hm?” 

Marks feathered the papers on the desk in front of her. “You will be a rookie agent in training. You will attend training and lectures here but seeing as you are a minor you will not be allowed to be an agent until you are at least 18 years of age. I will find you a room near your sister.”  

“Oh no we can share.” Natasha looked at Yelena for confirmation and was met with an enthusiastic nod. 

“Our dorms aren’t usually meant for two people. It would be fairly cramped.” Maria glanced between the girls. 

“We’ve been in worse.” Natasha shrugged. “We’ll be okay.” 

“I will arrange for a cot to be placed in your room until a more permanent situation can be arranged.” Maria smiled at Yelena and was met with a glare. 

Yelena couldn’t decide how to feel about Maria. She seemed nice enough but she was a woman in power. A woman in power over her and that’s all that matters here. 

“Since Yelena is 15 years old she legally needs a guardian to sign.” Maria looked at Natasha. 

“Our parents are dead.” Yelena answered for Natasha. 

Maria looked apologetically between the two girls. “I’m so sorry I was not aware.” 

Yelena and Natasha made eye contact before collectively giving a shrug. 

“In that case we would need to appoint one. Do you have anyone in mind.” she looked at Natasha.

“Lena. А что, если я это сделаю?” [what if I do it] she asked her little sister.

“вы будете?” [will you?] She seemed surprised at the offer.

“Of course Lenochka.” She smiled. “Maria, would I be allowed to do it?” She looked expectantly at Maria. 

“Well, they would have to be a US citizen but since shield is technically part of the government, you working here gave you dual citizenship. So if you both agree I don’t see why not.” Maria replied, pulling out a paper and pen and handing it to Natasha. “Both of you sign this and fill out this and then everything is in order.” 

The girls quickly filled out and signed all the paperwork necessary. 

“Well. What are you waiting for? Go show your sister around.” Maria smiled as the sisters walked out of her office