Chapter Text
The day started like any normal day at Princeton and like a typical day, House wanted to bug Wilson.
Wilson stepped into the elevator and then saw House approaching with a glint in his eyes that he knew all too well, implying only trouble could ensue.
As the elevator was about to close, House stopped it with his cane and then stepped in.
House greeted him with a smirk on his face “Hello, Wilson”
The elevator doors closed, as he said that.
“*Sigh*, given the look on your face and your usual antics, you want something from me House, what is it?,” Wilson uttered, already exasperated.
House feigned a hurt look on his face “No hello, no how are you? I expected better from the hospital's golden oncologist”.
Wilson just looked at House already done with his shit.
“I just humbly wanted to ask my dear old pal, best friend like no other, a question,” House asked amped up too sincerely.
“If the satirical buttering me up is any indicator, I may not like what comes next; do I need to worry about what you're asking? Oh what am I saying, of course I do you're… well you,” Wilson said gesturing to House.
The elevator doors opened, and they both stepped out.
“Wilson!?, I am wounded by that accusation of yours," House mockingly stated.
“Oh my apologies House, you are well-known for your kindness, respectability, and all around being a model doctor that every doctor should aspire to be like,” Wilson retorted.
“Apology accepted don't worry, all of what you just said is undeniably correct and truthful. I don't understand why anyone, let alone you would think otherwise. I just wanted to ask you a simple question, and you originally assumed that it wouldn’t end well for you. That hurts man, you always tell your patients: “There's no such thing as a bad question”. “I'm not an exception to the rule Wilson, why would you treat me any different,” House dramatically stated.
“Cut the crap House, you're not normal or typical in any shape or form, we both know that. You basically pride yourself on it, it's like a badge of honor for you. So yeah, what I say to my patients may not exactly apply to you, believe it or not. Evolutionary speaking, most people tend to avert and dislike those who are overly abnormal and/or are anti-social pricks, and you're a prime example of that. Which given you being you, the social self-sabotage is probably what you're aiming for with your destructive behavior. There's a reason while I'm your only friend,” Wilson rebutted.
House was about to speak, but Wilson cut him off. “Our decades of friendship can attest to that, don't even try to start with me”.
“Sheesh, your psychology degree sure is paying off and being put to use Jimmy,” House sarcastically said.
“Forgot about that, do you wanna participate in my study on anti-social behavior correlation with well-being. I need to conduct a study for my PhD and I know you like attention so thought I just ask,” Wilson said, playing along with House's previous statement.
House shook his head,“Nah, I'm good, I already ciphered enough attention from you, don’t need anymore right now, but if that changes I'll let you know. Funnily enough, your very informative astute analysis of me is related to the question I'm posing to you. So if you're done with your tirade, may I finally ask my question?”.
Wilson had a surprised look on his face. “Wow, you asking for once, I'm shocked, maybe hell will freeze over. He thinks it over and obliges. *Sigh*, begrudgingly and against my better judgment, sure, you can ask me your ever-pressing question. You're gonna find one way or another to pester me with it, might as well get it over with while so I can attend to other things,” Wilson tiredly stated.
House had an overexaggerated smile on his face. “Atta boy Jimmy, looks like I finally conditioned you to realize that resistance to me is futile. Obviously I will take advantage of this, be ready to loan me some more money and double the vicodin prescriptions you write".
“Yeah you wish, I’m gonna say something crazy here, maybe just maybe, not all my time is spent in relation to you. Maybe I have responsibilities, like attending to my patients, getting paperwork done, or getting clinic duty done. Not just indulging you and your insatiable need to solve your puzzle of the day”.
House looked at him unconvinced, “I'm gonna try to emulate you here and placate you by leaving it at: uh huh, whatever you say”.
“Are you gonna ask your question or not?”.
“Okay, okay, jeez, Wilson, maybe you're the anti-social one,” House muttered.
“House”.
“Fine, fine”.
“James Evan Wilson (JEW), do you love me,” House asked dead panned.
Wilson had a stunned expression face. “Pardon me, is this some sort of joke or prank,” he questioned.
“Do you love me?,” House asked again, still having the same serious tone.
“As you did say, most people generally tend to avert and/or dislike an abnormal anti-social prick like me. Yet, you willingly choose to be my friend and continuously interact and be close with me. It can't be an extrinsic motivation of some sort with all the things I steal/take from you and the thousands of dollars I owe you. Nor, just pity, even you have your limits when it comes to niceness and people pleasing. Ergo, l conclude you are either, A: a masochist, B: developed some sort of Stockholm Syndrome, C: love me, or D: all of the above, but for the purposes of my question, let's just assume it's C. or D., whichever you prefer”.
“House, you know I'm straight, why would I-”.
Wilson was cut off before he could finish. “Hey now Jimmy, there's nothing wrong with loving women and men, take me for example, I like both boobs and dicks myself; while there are a whole slew of things wrong with me, my bisexuality isn't one of them. Besides, I didn't say it had to be romantic love, the fact you assumed it to be romantic love is interesting. Platonic love is theoretically plausible for you I presume. However, there is arguably evidence against that claim: given your many flings, excessive kindness, big doe brown eyes, always well-done hair, pleasing voice, and overall general attractiveness, maybe you really can only experience romantic love”.
“Wait you think I'm-”.
Wilson was again cut off by House. “Eh eh eh, don’t deflect now Wilson, this isn't about me, I asked a question and am still awaiting your response, and you know how impatient I can get”.
Wilson stood there for a moment, trying to process, but still unsure what to say or do.
“You still in there Wilson?”
He finally collected his thoughts to stammer out his response. “Well um, I, w-will get back to you on that, I think one of my patients needs me. Bye House!”
House looked at Wilson as he departed, eyes filled with intrigue.