Chapter Text
twinArmageddons created a group chat "projectPesterchum1"
TG: what is this
AT: uHMM I DON'T KNOW
TG: ok
TG: does somebody know
TT: No idea, what does pesterchum even mean?
CG: NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS WHAT ANY OF THIS IS.
CG: I'M LEAVING THIS SHIT.
carcinoGeneticist left "projectPesterchum1"
TA: waiit no come back
carcinoGeneticist was added in "projectPesterchum1"
CG: WHAT THE FUCK
TA: thiis iis for a 2chool project
GA: And That Means What Exactly? I Do Not Recognize Any Of The Users Here So What Project Are We Supposed To Be Doing Together?
TA: II mean that thii2 program you are u2iing now ii2 the project
TA: II had to develop 2omethiing of a chattiing website so iit can be used iin 2chool and 2hiit
TC: oH mAn oK, I ThOuGhT i HaD sOmE sOrT oF vIrUs
TC: I mEaN dUdE i OpEn My LaPtOp AnD i'M oN sOmE wEbSiTe WiTh AlL tHeSe PeOpLe I dOn'T rEcOgNiZe AnD i WaS sO sCaReD fOr My LaPtOp I MeAn It CoSt So MuCh MoNeY aNd My DaD wOuLd Be LiKe SuPeR fUcKiNg AnGrY iF i HaD a ViRuS oN hErE yOu KnOw?
TT: Alright we get it. But what are we supposed to do here anyway?
TA: eh iidk ju2t chat, check out the different twool2 and 2hiit ju2t kiind of check iif iit work2 and iif you'd liike to u2e it regularly and iif there'2 any bugs.
CG: CAN I LEAVE NOW?
TA: no
~
You are Sollux Captor, a 15 year old boy who was asked by his school to program a website for the school, as you are the only capable of making websites in the school. You were also given a list of people who were to take part in the testing of this website. You weren't close or familiar with any of these people and most of the names you didn’t even recognise, but not that it mattered much, because the website you created offers to make your own username. The website is called pesterchum, and though it's not very professional or fitting for school, you aren't planning on changing the website's name anytime soon.
At first you were not happy with the fact that you had to code a website for school, but after bargaining with the teachers you've made a deal that allows you to skip PE the entire year.
~
EB: so are we going to introduce ourselves or...?
AG: No w8! Don't introduce yourself yet!
AG: TA get online I need to ask you something.
TA: ??
AG: Why can't you use your real name?
TA: II don't know II thought iit would be pretty funny
AG: So there's no deeper meaning 8ehind it?
AG: No prize if we guess who is who
AG: Like if I can guess who everyone in this chat is I don't get anything?
TA: nope
AG: Really?Not even a little prize or a pat on the 8ack or anything?
TA: no
AG: Then what’s the point of this thing anyway, you add a 8unch of random people in here and now what? Don’t 8e disappointed when all of us leave!
arachnidsGrip left “projectPesterchum1”
CG: SO THIS IS OVER NOW RIGHT?
TA: no, fuck, you people really can’t ju2t not leave? ii2 iit that hard?
arachnidsGrip was added to “projectPesterchum1”
TA: fiine we can do your game where we gue22 each other'2 iidentiitiie2 iif that wiill keep you people iin here
AG: Greaaaaaaaat, thank you!
AG: 8ut a prize
AG: I want a prize
GC: Y3SS 4 PR1Z3 WOULD B3 FUN!
TA: fiine, the priize ii2 that iif you gue22 everyone’2 iidentiity correctly you’ll get to leave thii2 project.
TG: but i can already leave
turntechGodhead left “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead was added to “projectPesterchum1”
TA: you can leave but ii’ll just keep addiing you back iin liike a neverending cycle of doom and de2pair untiil you lo2e all hope of ever e2capiing pe2terchum
TG: wanna test my tenacity?
turntechGodhead left “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead was added to “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead left “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead was added to “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead left “projectPesterchum1”
turntechGodhead was added to “projectPesterchum1”
TG: ok fine
GC: SO R W3 PL4Y1NG TH1S G4M3 OR WH4T?
TA: 2ure
CG: WAIT, SHOULDN’T THERE BE CERTAIN RULES OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT? I MEAN I CAN JUST GO AND ASK EVERYONE WHO THEY ARE AND THAT’S THAT AND THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AND WOULD BE A SHITTY GAME.
TA: ok the rule2 are: 1. you can't diirectly a2k 2omeone who they are 2. you cant a2k me who 2omeone ii2
GC: WHY WOULD W4 4SK YOU?
TA: becau2e, fir2t of all, ii have a lii2t of all the people iin here and 2econd of all, ii am the creator of thii2 platform ii can look iinto your u2ername2 and whiich emaiil they're connected to.
GC: SO YOU’LL B3 SOM3 K1ND OF 4 JUDG3 1N OUR G4M3?
TA: ii gue22 2o
TG: how many people are in here anyways?
TA: 16 iincluding me
TG: and everyones gonna play?
AG: Well, they don’t really have a choice, 8ecause I'm going to find all of them out anyways
GC: FUCK TH4T, 1M GO1NG TO PL4Y TOO 4ND 1M GO1NG TO W1N 4ND YOUR3 GO1NG TO G3T STUCK 1N H3R3 H3H3H
AG: Fine, no pro8lem, I need a rival, it will stimulate me to think smarter!
TG: no offense but you two are kind of pathetic
AG: You're the first one of these losers that I'm going to expose. After I find out your identity I’ll also find all the dirt on you too yk
AT: uHMM ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT WITH EVERYONE ORR???
AG: Just the ones that annoy me.
AG: So don’t annoy me unless you want to get exposed in front of 8+8 randoms from school.
AT: oH OK, THEN I’LL BE VERY UN-ANNOYING
AT: cOME TO THINK OF IT, I DON'T THINK I HAVE SOME CRAZY SECRET THAT COULD BE EXPOSED
AG: You never know…….. I might find some dirt on you, I have my ways.
TG: this is vaguely threatening
CG: THIS IS BULLSHIT!
CG: AND WHO ARE YOU TO THREATEN THAT ANYWAY?
GC: YOU C4N PL4Y W1TH US 4ND F1ND OUT
CG: I DONT WANT TO PLAY, I JUST WANT TO LEAVE AND CONTINUE DOING WHAT I WAS DOING TEN MINUTES AGO!
TG: what were you doing 10 mins ago?
CG: HOMEWORK.
TG: well GC AG here you have your first hint CG is a nerd
CG: OK AND SECOND HINT THAT OTHER GUY IS A DOUCHE SO THATS SOMETHING.
TG: how do you know im a guy
CG: YOU'RE A GIRL?
TG: i never said that
CG: YEP I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, YOU ARE A GUY
TG: never said that either
CG: FUCK YOU STOP MESSING WITH ME
TG: i take my first hint back this dude isn’t a nerd because he sure as hell isn’t smart
TG: also he’s definitely a guy
CG: HOW DID YOU KNOW?
TG: i didn’t but now we know for sure that he is
TG: also i decided that im playing
AG: 8ecause you gave that hint I must say I don't find you as annoying anymore, so I won't 8e exposing you anymore. But that can always change.
GC: 1S 4NYON3 3LS3 PL4Y1NG W1TH US?
GC: FOR NOW 1TS JUST M3, 4G AND TG R1GHT?
TG: yep
EB: i guess i’d play along, but i don’t think that its a very good idea
TG: why so mysterious about it? did you have a prophetic vision in which this game ends in a horrible disaster?
EB: haha, no, but if i tell you the reason why im unsure i’ll give out a major hint about who i am
AG: 8y saying all of this you have already given me a hint!
EB: how so?
AG: 8ecause now i know that you aren't an ordinary someone and you're pro8a8ly involved with some mysterious shit so i’ll just look out for that.
EB: not really but alright
~
Your name is John Egbert, you are 15 years old. Two weeks ago you moved to a small town by the name of Skaia (which is a very unlikely and surprising name for an American town) with your sister. This happened because your grandma and grandpa suddenly passed away in a car crash. Those grandparents of yours were your only guardians back on the farm where you lived. You have been going to your new school for more than a week now and you are very disappointed to say that you did not make any friends. Neither did your sister. You are also embarrassed to say that you were kind of happy to be added to “projectPesterchum1” even though everybody else seems to hate it. And even though you know literally no one in the school, that did not stop you from joining the game. You now regret this decision. You hear a knock on your door.
~
‘Hey John, want to go out for a walk with me?’
John closes his computer, leaving pesterchum open.
‘Sure, just let me put on a jacket or something.’ He says as he rummages through cardboard boxes to find his worn out flannel. It laid at the bottom of the “clothes john #3” box. John quickly puts it on and leaves his room. Jade is standing in front of his door, waiting patiently for him.
‘Let’s go. Uncle says that dinner will be ready in an hour, so we have plenty of time for a walk around the neighbourhood. It feels weird saying that right? Neighbourhood… Neighbours…’ Jade laughs as the two walk down the stairs. Their uncle, who wears a hat inside, waves them goodbye. John’s uncle is a very nice man. Immediately after he heard the news, he decided to let the two live with him, which wasn’t much trouble as he had a large house with multiple bedrooms and a daughter who was going to leave for college after this year anyway. Either way both parties were content with this.
John and Jade weren’t used to having neighbours. They used to live on a farm, far from civilization, homeschooled by their grandparents. It was hard for both of them to adjust to their current life. Maybe it would’ve been harder if the two moved to a big city, but living in a small city was still in its own way, very weird. It seems like everyone has known each other for generations and knows all kinds of things about each other, and it’s just so hard to try to get inside of a community like that.
‘Let’s go that way this time’ John pointed to the left. He and Jade would usually walk the other way, explore the suburbs and the town. Left was the end of the suburbs and the start of a more nature-like area. When the two just moved to Skaia, the town and the more civilized blocks interested them more, because they only saw those in movies or on short trips to the nearby city, so the forests in Skaia didn’t interest them much. Yet after many walks around the suburbs John decided that it was time to switch it up for once.
‘Sure John, I heard Jane’s good friend lives there.’
‘Do you think he knows about us?’ Asks John as they walk in towards the forest.
‘I think so.’ Answers Jade ‘You aren’t planning on visiting him are you?’ She laughs.
The houses start to have a bigger distance between them, the closer they get to the forest.
‘Nah, I don’t think he’ll recognize us.’
The forest path looked well walked on, fresh foot-and-pawprints, a wide path that led to some sort of valley, probably popular with citizens of Skaia. John and Jade followed the path to the valley. The sun was starting to set, shining a nice, warm light on the green grass in the valley, the chirping of birds and the cloudless, blue sky painted and almost magical (even cartoonish) picture which reminded John and Jade of the farm, which also stood in the middle of a similar valley. Their cousin's good friend must be a very lucky fella to have a house around here.
Somewhere behind the pinetrees, John saw a silhouette of a house, window, wall, something of a terrace. He pointed towards it, urging Jade to come with him to look at the giant house across the valley. Jade, who was sitting in the grass, looking at the wildflowers stood up reluctantly to follow him. The further they moved across the valley, the louder the sound of water became. They saw the house more clearly now, and it was way bigger than they expected. It was a full out mansion, built in a style that didn’t match with the rest of the houses in Skaia. Through the trees John saw a waterfall, streaming under the house itself. Jade saw this too, and started running towards the house, John quickly ran after her, laughing for the first time in these two weeks. Once they made it out of the trees, John and Jade stood face to face with the mansion, taking all of its magnificence in. All of this time they were walking around random thrift stores and copy-pasted houses, while this mansion was a 15 minute walk away from them?
Suddenly Jade noticed a girl standing on the terrace of the mansion, around five meters above them. She had almost white hair and dark skin, she wore a skirt down to her knees and a shirt that fluttered in the wind. She had seen John and Jade long before they saw her. Once both of them were staring at her, she gave them a half smile and waved. The siblings were frozen in place, observing her. Suddenly a voice came from inside the mansion, it seemed like the mysterious girl was thrown off her game. She quickly signaled to John and Jade to go and ran back inside her house.
John and Jade didn’t need another sign and ran back into the forest. They ran through the valley, ran on the forest path, back into the suburbs, and only then they stopped running. They didn’t know why they were running in the first place, they weren’t scared of the girl or of the forest around her mansion. It was just running, from excitement. That mansion and that girl were exciting.
~
EB: did i miss anything i was gone for a while to eat dinner and stuff. I hope that the time that i eat my dinner at isn’t a clue
TG: nah you didn’t miss anything important just some other guys came online and hung around for a while its kinda dead now
EB: oh
EB: do you think that mysterious creatures exist like here
EB: like all of those mystery shows about small towns that are actually filled with supernatural beings, like ghosts or witches or sirens or ghost witch sirens
EB: do you think those exist here?
TG: no i do not think ghost witch sirens exist in Skaia
TG: thank you for asking tho
TG: i’ve always wanted someone to ask me about that whoever you are you are a wonderful human being and you made my evening ten times better
TG: can i masturbate to you?
TA: ye2 thii2 ii2 exactly what the poiint of thii2 platform wa2, pure human communiicatiion, genuiine conver2atiion2, raw teenager emotiion. IIm 2o proud
TA: diid you al2o know that you can priivate me22age 2omeone iif u liike? 2o thii2 conver2atiion can be contiinued iin priivate.
TA: wow, ii’m makiing the priinciipal 2o proud
CG: WAIT WHAT DID YOU SAY?
CG: MESSAGE ME PRIVATELY NOW TA
carcinoGeneticist began pestering twinArmageddons
CG: IS THE GODDAMN PRINCIPAL INVOLVED IN THIS? PLEASE DON’T TELL ME HE IS
TA: yep ii hate to tell you
TA: ii 2neaked that one iin 2peciifiically for you
CG: YOU KNOW WHO I AM? WAIT OFCOURSE YOU DO ANYWAYS, HE DIDN’T!
TA: ii know who you are and ii feel for you but yep he diid
TA: hii2 iidea
TA: my codiing 2kiill2
CG: HE FUCKING DIDN’T
carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering twinArmageddons
~
You are Karkat Vantas, you are 15 years old and you are so fucking angry at your father right now. You storm out of your room, slamming your computer and door shut and angrily stomp downstairs where your father and older brother are doing their work. They are used to your loud stomping so they don’t even look up, this makes you even angrier.
‘DAD THERES NO FUCKING WAY THAT YOU MADE SOME KID PROGRAM A WHOLE FUCKING WEBSITE JUST SO I COULD MAKE SOME FUCKING FRIENDS!’
Your dad slowly lifts his eyes to meet yours and takes a sip of his tea. He looks tired and his beard needs a shaving.
‘Not only for you, for all of the lonely kids in your grade. It’s for yours and theirs benefit. Don’t give me this attitude and don’t try to ruin this for yourself and for others.’
‘Yes Karkat, there’s no need to scream at dad, he started this programme because as a good principal he cares about his students. He also cares about you. This is all for your own good, you might even make some friends.’ Adds your brother.
You fight the urge to argue with your impossible family and march back into your room. You need to come up with something to make sure that your dad’s horrible attempt at helping you (aka embarrassing you) backfires. You just need to think…