Chapter Text
Every friday everyone has a sleepover at Mike's.
Everyone is cuddling with someone, their loved one, while Will is always just „cuddling" with his best friend Dustin.
Of course he enjoys and appreciates the time with him, but he felt lonely. Even though he had given up on the thought of finding love or the concept of love in general, he always finds himself staring at Mike and El cuddling right beside him on another mattress or Max and Lucas making out on Mike's Lazy Boy.
Dustin always emphazises that the both of them don't need anyone kissing them to be happy. He may be right.
But Will finds himself constantly wishing to be in El's position. And don't get this wrong.
He loves El.
But he loves Mike more.
One day the party goes out to a pizza place after going to the movies.
He just sits their at the table across from Dustin while the others are talking and kissing beside them. They aren't even eating pizza anymore. Just laughing and making out in public, completely oblivious of the other two boys sitting at their table.
„Are you as sick of them as I am?" Will asks.
Dustin chuckles softly, looking around.
„They're kind of annoying aren't they?" he whispers to him, his voice barely audible over the noise at the pizza place. „I mean at least we're not tripping over eachother to hold hands or something like that." he jokes.
Will swallows hard at his comment, a nervous chuckle coming out of his throat. „Y-Yeah, you're right."
Will's not out yet. No one knows his deepest secret. No one knows that he's gay.
Not even his best friend.
And especially not his former best friend, Mike.
Mike wasn't his best friend anymore. Not since El.
The day they found El in the forest while Will was in the Upside Down, completely oblivious, everything changed.
Will got back, excited to see his friends and play Dungeos and Dragons until midnight. Like they did before. But then there was that girl involved. She took up Mike's whole time.
And El kind of saved Will's life, so he was really thankful towards her but at the same time he felt this guilt.
Guilt because he wanted Mike to himself. Just two best friends laughing on the play ground, meeting each other. But that would never happen again.
Mike and El got together. Began to kiss and make out infront of Will and the others. They got older.
Now Mike was hardly spending any time with Will anymore and Lucas and Max had their own relationship, so it was just the two of them.
Dustin noticed his discomfort and slightly tilted his head. „Hey, you alright?" he asks quietly.
Will shakes his head trying to play it off as nothing. He doesn't want to make a big thing out of this.
„It's nothing."
„You sure?" he asks concerned.
Mike suddenly grabs El's waist and pulls her onto his lap before giving her a kiss on the back of her head. Will looks at them through the corner of his eyes, rolling them as he turns his head back to Dustin.
He suspiciously raises an eyebrow, not fully believing him. Will looks at him for a few seconds, hesitating if he should tell him about his thoughts or just swallow them as always.
But Dustin's his best friend. So he decides to tell him a part of the truth.
„I-I just...when we meet up with the party it's so different. Different than earlier. They're just always kissing and cuddling without even looking at us. And on top of that- they are doing it in public. I just feel...a bit lonely sometimes and like...air."
Dustin's expression turns sympathetic and he slowly nods as he reaches out to squeeze Will's hand. „Yeah, I get that. It's like they forget we exist, when they're all cuddled up." he says with a small sigh. His hand traces small circles on the back of the boy's hand, making him feel seen.
Before any of them can say anything else, Mike suddenly stands up.
They both look at him.
„Guys, we're gonna go get some ice cream" he says, wrapping his arms around El's waist, „do u wanna join us?" his gaze wanders over the table.
Everyone except Will and Dustin starts gathering their things and standing up. He feels even more left out now.
Sure, he could just join them. But not even the thought of ice cream can cover up the feeling that comes up in Will's chest when he sees Mike's long fingers on El's hip.
He looks at Dustin's face to see if he would like to go with them. Dustin shrugs nonchalantly and shakes his head. „Nah, I think we're good, man." he says to Mike. He just shrugs before leaving them alone at the table.
Will looks down at his almost untouched pizza.
Was this how it was going to be from now on? Just him and Dustin? Being left behind because they don't want to be a third wheel all the time?
Dustin notices his best friends plate and raises an eyebrow. „Aren't you hungry? You haven't touched your food." he points out gently.
„I'm not sure if I should ask...but are you actually upset about them being all couple-y, or is their something else bothering you?" his voice gets soft.
Will takes a deep breath. He's not really ready to open up to anyone about his feelings. He would rather lock them up and hide them deep in the back of his closet.
„I just have a lot on my mind right now." he clears his throat, „I-Im sorry, I'm probably a bit depressing to hang out with right now...but I just feel like no one really understands me."
He keeps his head down over his pizza.
Dustin's expression softens and he leans back in his chair, looking at him.
„Don't apologize for having feelings, Will. And honestly, I kind of prefer this real talk over forced hang outs with the group." he grins slightly.
Will raises his head to look at him completely, seeing genuine interest in his eyes.
„I appreciate that. A-And..." his voice trembles, „most of the time I really want to share my thoughts with someone so bad...so bad but then I think that they wouldn't understand me anyway, you know?" he looks at him, helpless.
Will feels the tears in his eyes, trying to break out.
Dustin nods understandingly.
„Yeah I get that."
„Sometimes it feels like no one understands what you're going through. And it's frustrating as hell." he continues.
Will nods slowly.
„Can I ask you something?" the other asks.
„Hm?" Will takes a deep breath.
„Would you feel comfortable telling me...about some of those thoughts? I would like to try and understand, Will. Just between you and me. No judgment." his eyes search Will's face for an answer.
Will is deep in his thoughts, just staring at his friend. The trust in his eyes slowly melts his fear.
„I mean-„
His mouth feels dry. The words are crumbling out of his mouth. Over his chapped lips.
„I feel like no one will understand if I tell them because they just...won't feel the same way."
He wipes away a tear with the sleeves of his hoodie. The noise of the pizza place just sounds like far away crowds to him, completely blacking them out.
Dustin reaches out and grabs his arm, his voice calm and reassuring.
„I'm here to listen. No matter what. I promise. If it's important to you, then it matters for me too." he smiles gently.
Will smiles back and feels a warmth spreading out through his chest from his words. This gives him the last bit of courage that he needs.
„So...you know how I've never really had a crush or a date...or a girlfriend in general?"
He nods. „Yeah I've noticed that you never talk about dating or crushes like everyone else." he twitches in his seat.
Will swallows before going on. „I've been thinking about that a lot lately, actually for a while now. A-And I've had crushes before. Just- just not like you guys."
Dustin looks at him deeply.
„And I've always felt so different because of that...like you wouldn't like me for who I am anymore.", a tear rolls down his cheek.
The other boys gaze softens and he continues caressing Will's hand.
„Hey...hey no crying. I can't think of anything that would make me like you less. Can you just try to explain it to me?"
Will nods hesitantly and adjusts in his seat.
„Everyone always talks about liking girls or guys. For example Lucas or you and Mike, you've always had crushes on someone, on a girl. And that's just different about me because...I have crushes but- n-not", his voice starts to tremble, „not on girls. I-I don't like girls. I- I like guys...s-so I mean I'm gay I like boys." Will lets out a breath he'd been holding for the whole conversation, afraid to look Dustin in the eyes for his reaction.
There's a moment of silence and Will can hear his heart pounding in his chest.
„Wait a second. You're gay? So- you have crushes...on guys?"
Will nods slowly.
Dustin's eyes widen slightly and then his lips form into a genuine smile.
„Holy shit." he whispers sounding both surprised and relieved. „I mean...that makes so much sense now." He pauses, then adds softly, „you're like George Michale or Jimmy Somerville, that's fucking cool." he says with a smile.
Will chuckled relieved. His chest rising and falling overwhelmed.
„Thanks for telling me. I have a question though. Can I ask?"
„Go ahead." Will nods, not so afraid anymore.
„So...since your gay...does that mean that you've ever had a crush on someone? Like from the party?" his cheeks turn slightly pink, almost like he's afraid to know the answer.
He breathes in sharply. He knew that question would come.
„Oh um- I-I mean well..."
Dustin's eyes widen in surprise. „Wait...there is someone! I can see it in your eyes. Who?" he asks with a genuine excitement.
Will can feel a smile growing on his face.
„Is it Lucas? Or is it...it's not me, is it?"
Will laughs at the concerned look on Dustin's face.
„N-No, it's not you. Obviously. I-I mean...that sounded wrong. I didn't mean it like that um- sorry no, it's um...it's Mike."