Chapter Text
The group faced their share of strife. This was nothing new. That is what Jo kept telling herself. She poured a glass of water and looked out her kitchen window at the deceptively looking peaceful Alexandria street. The Saviors were coming. She was sure of it. Rick insisted they were no longer a threat, but Jo did not feel safe.
Strong arms wrapped around Jo’s waist and a chin rested on her shoulder. She put her hands on top of Rick’s and continued to stare out the window. After Lori died Jo was there for Rick, helping out with Judith and Carl whenever possible. What started as a friendship slowly turned into a romance, with an emphasis on slowly.
Jo’s long wavy hair was pinned up in a ballerina bun on the top of her head. Rick pressed his lips to her exposed neck and started kissing and nipping. Jo tilted her head to the side giving him better access. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation, letting fears of the Saviors slip from her mind.
She focused on the way his lips felt against her skin, the way his tongue lingered on her neck. It sent chills down her spine. Jo needed to escape her reality and pretend the only thing that was happening in the entire world was Rick kissing her neck.
The fantasy became too real when she felt Rick’s hand slide under the waistband of her jeans. He brought his other hand forward to undo the button. Jo tried to wiggle away.
“What are you doing?” She asked with a teasing tone in her voice.
Rick did not respond and instead began to suck on her neck. The last thing Jo wanted was a hicky. She grabbed Rick’s wrist and tried to keep his hand above her panty line, but he kept sliding his palm downward, pulling her closer to his chest in the process.
“Come on, stop.” Jo clenched her legs together and started to turn around, putting her hands against Rick’s chest and pushing him away.
He was much stronger than her and at least half a foot taller. That didn’t mean Jo was weak, she had taken out her fair share of walkers and even a human or two along the way, but in hand-to-hand combat there was no way she could take on Rick. He let out a growl and grabbed her wrists. He dipped his head and forced his lips against hers in a raw kiss.
“This isn’t funny Rick, knock it off.” Jo moved her head to the side and he continued to kiss her cheek. He squeezed her wrists tighter and Jo tried to pull them away. “You’re hurting me.”
“God damnit Jo!” Rick released her and put his hand on the counter.
“God damn me?” Jo rubbed her wrist and looked at him with confusion. “What the fuck was that?”
“That was me trying to get some fucking intimacy.” Rick ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “We’ve been doing whatever this is for a month now. I know you said you wanted to take it slow, but I feel like I’m in fucking middle school here.”
“So your solution was to what? Take me by force?” Jo felt her blood start to boil. “You know why I want to take it slow. Did you think I would what? Give it up by the kitchen sink in the middle of the day?”
“You are so selfish. We have spent almost every day of the past two years together. How much more do you need to get to know me?” Rick sighed. “You know what sort of person I am. Is that the kind of man you want to be with? Because I’m not going to wait forever.”
“I’m not asking you to wait forever, I’m asking for…I don’t know.” Jo’s anger started to turn to confusion. She understood what Rick was saying, but she was not ready for a physical relationship and did not know when the time would come.
“I can’t do this anymore.” Rick ran his hand over his face.
“You’re breaking up with me because I won’t have sex with you?” Jo’s voice shook.
“Jesus Christ.” Rick shook his head. “Breaking up? We’re not eighteen. Grow up Jo. You’re almost thirty. I’ve seen you machete hundreds of walkers without a second thought, but the idea of anything sexual terrifies you. I might be older than you, but I’m not so old I want to spend the rest of my life celibate.”
Rick hit the counter with his fists and stormed out of Jo’s house before she could respond. Her anger turned to sadness and she stifled back a sob. Rick was right.
Jo slid down to the floor and hugged her legs to her chest. She loved Rick and wanted to chase him out of the house and scream that at him, tell him that she loved him since the day she met him, beg him to make love to her in the middle of the street. The problem was, he was right. Nothing scared Jo as much as sex.
A knock on the door broke her from her pity party. She wiped her eyes and forced a smile on her face, sure it was Rick coming back to apologize. She practically ran to the door and pulled it open, the smile slid from her face when she saw who was on the other side.
“Don’t look too happy to see me.” Daryl stared down at her.
“Sorry.” Jo cleared her throat. “You weren’t who I was expecting.”
“Do you want to come hunting with me?” Daryl kept his eyes glued to her.
They spent the last two years together, meeting up outside of Atlanta. Hell, Jo knew Daryl a few weeks longer than she had known Rick, but the two of them almost never spoke. She tried to think of the last time he invited her anywhere with him and was drawing a blank. He must have seen the shock on her face and let out a sigh.
“I saw Rick leave. Didn’t look too happy. Figured you might want to get out for a while.” His eyes were dancing all over her face.
Jo studied him back. His hair was too long, she thought he would do better to tie it back. He also looked about three days overdue for a shower, but surprisingly didn’t smell awful.
“I’m not allowed to leave Alexandria. Since Denise died I’m the last medic.” Jo shook her head. She wanted Denise back.
“Well I won’t tell if you won’t.” Daryl gave a small laugh and a little grin.
Between worrying about the Saviors and Rick Jo was certain she would go stir crazy or cry herself to death. She needed a distraction. Besides, nobody was injured or sick at the moment. She nodded her head. Daryl turned and Jo followed, closing the door to her home behind her.
~~~~~
Rick felt like punching something. He did not mean to sound so cruel, but he had been suffering from the world’s worst case of blue balls. This game him and Jo were playing was becoming exhausting. He tried everything in his wheel house to get her to open up. His latest attempt at being dominant failed miserably. He expected her to be more relaxed and open now that the Savior threat was gone.
He pushed away the guilt at his words towards her. He had not lied. Rick wanted to give a relationship with Jo a shot, but he would not wait forever. Life was short in the new world and he wanted to spend it with someone he respected and could have fun with. That included sexual relations.
Rick walked into his house and slammed the door after him. Michonne was sitting at the table holding Judith. She didn’t even look up at him.
“I take it things didn’t go so well with Jo?” She asked.
“Nope.” If Rick had a beer he would chug it right now. “What am I doing wrong here?”
“I have no clue. Out of the whole group she mainly talks to you. I think you’re the expert on Jo.” Michonne set Judith on the floor by her toys. “Maybe Maggie? I’ve seen them chat before.”
Rick doubted Maggie knew more about Jo than he did. At this point knowledge wouldn’t help him though. He understood why she was so frigid, what he needed was help breaking that wall down. He glanced at his friend. She was straight forward. If Michonne had a problem she would face it head on, not like Jo who wanted time and patience. Rick pinched the area between his eyes and shook his head. Maybe the little woman wasn’t worth it.
The front door flew open and Glenn came running into the house. A look of horror plastered on his face.
“There’s something wrong with Maggie. Is Jo here?” He looked frantically between Rick and Michonne.
“No, she’s at home.” Rick started to the front door. “I’ll go get her.”
“I went there first. The house is empty.” Glenn led the way outside.
“Did you check the clinic?” Rick jumped down the front steps and ran after Glenn.
“Not there either.” Glenn yelled back as he raced to the next house to look for Jo.
“I told her not to leave the Safe Zone. She’s here somewhere. I’ll check Rosita’s.” Rick knew Jo wouldn’t care about their fight as much as she cared about Maggie’s health. He hoped they found her before anything bad happened.
~~~~
Jo had a bow strapped across her back and a machete in her hand as she followed Daryl into the forest. He lent her the weapons and while she wasn’t bad with either she found herself wishing she had taken her own before they left.
“So what is it we’re hunting?” Jo asked, breaking the silence.
“Food.” Daryl responded.
She let out a sigh, thinking this was a bad idea after all. If Daryl was going to remain as silent as ever there was no chance of her getting her mind off of Rick.
“What was the fight about?” Daryl asked.
Jo looked over at him in surprise. She was shocked he cared or wanted to talk about her personal life.
“I’m not ready for a physical relationship.” Jo didn’t see a point in hiding the truth.
“Why not?” Daryl was filled with questions today.
“What did you do before the apocalypse?” Jo realized she had never asked that question.
“Nothing.” Daryl turned and looked at her.
“Nothing?” Jo pictured him as a mechanic or carpenter.
“I was a drifter. Doing pretty much the same as I would be doing now, except with less people around and more drugs and alcohol.” The leaves rustled and they stopped.
A walker crawled out of the bushes, it was long dead. Jo walked over and with a quick stab put the thing out of its misery.
“I was raised by nuns.” Jo kept walking. “I pretty much had wait until marriage tattooed across my face.”
“Were you a nun?” Daryl squinted his face.
“No,” Jo replied. “It was an orphanage for girls. After I turned eighteen I joined the army, during basic training we were separated by gender. Then they trained me as a nurse, which you can guess is almost all female. The only men I had any interaction with were injured soldiers.”
“None of them hit on you?” Daryl sounded surprised.
“Nope.” Jo shook her head.
“I find that hard to believe.” Daryl laughed.
“Why?” Jo asked. “I served eight years, most of which were overseas. The soldiers had better things to worry about than picking up some nurse.”
“Because you’re beautiful.” When the words left Daryl’s mouth it was like the forest went silent.
Jo looked over at him with her mouth open. He was looking up at the trees as if he hadn’t paid her a compliment.
“What about when you got back?” Daryl asked.
“Most men aren’t interested in a twenty six year old Virgin. I went on a few dates, but that always seemed to come up. Then about three months later this happened and I met you outside Atlanta. You know the rest.” Jo kept walking.
“I don’t know the rest,” Daryl said. “I don’t know you at all.”
“What do you mean?” Sure they weren’t close, but Jo had a pretty good idea of who Daryl was.
“You don’t talk much. You’re reserved. You can and do fight, but that’s really all I know about you.” Daryl sounded disappointed.
“I’m not very talkative.” Jo shrugged.
Daryl looked annoyed.
“What?” Jo asked.
“I heard Rick talking about how you didn’t want to get laid and I assumed it was for other reasons.” Daryl looked at the ground.
“Like I had been attacked?” Jo bit her lip. “Like I was damaged and needed saving?”
“No,” Daryl shook his head. “Hell I don’t know…Maybe.”
“Bad things have happened to everyone. Look at all the loved ones we’ve lost since this started.” Jo felt awkward defending herself.
“You haven’t. I mean, sure you’ve gotten close with us along the way. I lost a brother, Rick lost a wife, Glenn and Maggie have lost their entire families.” Daryl bit his lip, trying to choose his next words.
“I didn’t have a family to lose.” Jo finished his thought for him. “But I would die for anyone of you without a second thought. You, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Abraham, Tara, Carol, Rick. And the list goes on.”
“Dying is easy.” Daryl kept walking. “Living with the memories of the dead is what’s hard.”
“What are you getting at?” Jo caught up to Daryl.
“I’m saying you should live while you have the chance. There’s no reason to avoid new experiences. Let people in, emotionally and physically.” Daryl swatted away a branch.
“Are you trying to play a game of whose life is worse?” Jo didn’t hide the hostility from her voice. “Because everyone has shit.”
“Being raised by nuns and been too intimidating for men to talk to is not traumatic.” Now Daryl sounded angry.
Jo wasn’t sure what Daryl was trying to get at, she opened her mouth to ask when again the bushes moved. She expected to see a walker, but instead at least ten men popped up, all of them with assault rifles, all pointed directly at her and Daryl. They both dropped their weapons and held their hands in the air.
One of the men walked with purpose towards them. He lifted his gun in the air and flipped it around, smashing it onto Jo’s head. She dropped to her knees and the last thing she heard was Daryl grunt as she passed out on the forest floor.
~~~~~
When Jo came to she was lying in the back of a van. Daryl was sitting against the side, a gun pressed flesh with his temple. She started to sit up when someone grabbed her arm and pointed a firearm at her head.
“Make one fucking sound and I will blow his brains out.” Her captor referred to Daryl.
All the stupid shit Jo had been worrying about with Rick was pointless now. Her lip trembled, but she bit back any tears. This afternoon in the kitchen she was focused on the right thing. Fearing the Saviors and their retribution.
Soon the van came to a stop. The doors flung open and Jo winced at the headlights that were illuminating an area outside Alexandria. Someone pushed her and she fell flat on her face with a thud.
“Looks like we have some late arrivals to the party.” A man with a tight leather jacket and red scarf smiled at her.
Someone grabbed Jo by the collar of her shirt and dragged her to a group of people on their knees. Her stomach dropped when she saw it was her friends, her family.
“I hate repeating myself, so let me catch you up real quick.” He stopped in front of Jo and Daryl. “Name is Negan. You killed some of my men, so now I’m going to kill one of yours.”
Jo looked up and saw he was carrying a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Her stomach heaved at the thought of being on the receiving end.
“I feel like it’s best if we get this over with, but who to chose? Which one of you deserves to die? Maybe one of the lovebirds?” He waved his bat in front of Daryl and Jo.
She heard the sobs and sniffles of her comrades, but for some reason this was happening too quickly for Jo to feel their fear.
“Maybe I’ll just take out your leader?” He waved his bat in front of Rick. “Or how about his son?”
“NO!” Jo screamed.
Negan whipped his head around and practically ran over to her. He gripped her chin in his hand and painfully pulled her face towards his.
“NO TALKING.” He screamed in her face. “I know you were late to the party, but that doesn’t mean you get to break the host’s rules.”
The anger on his face melted and a smile formed. Jo swore she saw a sparkle in his eye.
“You are a pretty one.” He gave her a wink. “Tell me babydoll, which one of you should I kill? I’m tempted to kill this boyfriend of yours so I can have you all to myself.”
Jo let the horror show on her face. There was no way this crazy man would kill Daryl. The smile he had dropped and the crazed look came back.
“I asked you a question. ANSWER IT! WHO. SHOULD. I. KILL?” Negan still had Jo’s chin in a painful grip and was starting to pull her up further, making it very difficult to support herself.
“Nobody. NOBODY!” Jo yelled back.
“Now how is that fair? You murdered twelve of my men, all I’m asking for is one of yours.” Negan spoke with too much calmness.
“I didn’t murder any of your men,” Jo responded.
“Semantics.” Negan shrugged. “I was mainly talking to your leader over here.”
Negan pushed Jo back and she fell onto her side. The man behind her grabbed her by the collar again and set her on her knees. She kept her eyes glued to Negan who now stood in front of Rick. She noticed everyone else was staring at the ground.
“Twelve men. I should kill all of you, but you would still owe me three bodies.” Negan was in front of Rick again, but started walking. He stopped in front of Abraham. “You’re a big fella, maybe you will count for two.”
Negan pulled his bat in the air.
“STOP!” Jo yelled.
“I swear to God man, you better teach your woman to shut her mouth.” Negan pointed at Daryl.
Jo looked behind her and punched the man griping her collar in the throat and then jumped to her feet.
“Kill me.” Jo held her arms up as Negan approached her.
“NO!” Rick screamed.
“I am not taking volunteers.” Negan grabbed her by the hair and arched her head back.
“I’m a medic. I’m a nurse. I’m the last person in Alexandria who knows anything about medicine. If you take me they won’t have anyone to treat their injuries.”
Negan held the bat against her throat. Jo closed her eyes and hoped the death came quick. She heard a rustling and Rick grunting.
“If one more person tries to stand up or volunteers to die I will kill all of you.” Negan yelled.
Jo opened her eyes as he tightened the grip on her hair.
“You’re not that one’s girl are you? You belong to Rick the prick.” Negan had a devlish smile on his face.
Jo remained silent, unsure what response he wanted.
“I don’t like being lied to. If you’re their doctor why were they taking this thing to Hilltop?” Negan pointed at Maggie.
It was obvious she was in distress. Jo felt terrible.
“I went hunting. I needed to clear my head.” Jo chocked out.
“Is this true?” Negan asked his men.
“They were hunting.” The man who had been griping Jo’s collar confirmed.
“Hmmm, interesting.” Negan threw Jo on the ground by his feet. “Change of plans. I’ll take the girl and…”
The bottom of the bat smacked Jo right in the head and for the second time that day her world plunged into darkness. The last thing she heard were the screams coming from her friends.
Nine Months Later
Jo continued rocking back and forth on her mattress. The tears dried up hours ago. She didn’t understand why he left her in here. She was going to say yes. A chill came through the air. She pulled her legs under the oversized T-shirt, but wasn’t sure it made the room feel any warmer.
Four walls, a bucket, and a mattress. This was her home for the last year or so, at least she thought it had been a year. It was hard to tell. She had finally had enough. He won. She was broken. Leaving her in here like this felt like unnecessary torture. It was hard to tell how long he’d left her alone. There was nothing to mark the time except thirst. Water sounded like a luxury to Jo.
Finally she noticed movement from the crack underneath her door. She pushed herself up and threw her body against the metal shield.
“Please let me out!” Jo yelled. “I was going to say yes. Tell him! Tell him my answer is yes.”
Another sob escaped Jo’s mouth, but no tears came along with it. She continued to bang on the door, determined to keep the person on the other side’s attention. Her body slumped forward and she dropped to her knees. The sound of the lock turning brought desperate hope. When the door opened all the way she flung herself around her savior’s legs.
“Please, tell him I say yes. Yes. Yes.” She didn’t have a clue who she was holding on to, but at this point didn’t care who it was as long as they didn’t lock her in here again.
“Jo?” The voice was almost familiar and they sounded concerned.
There were hands on her shoulders and the man kneeled as Jo looked up. Her eyes went crazy, blinking and staring, certain this was a dream. She brought her hands up and touched his face.
“It’s over. You’re safe now.” Glenn slid his hands down her arms and pulled her into a standing position. “Let’s get you home.”
Jo let Glenn lead her through the sanctuary. She wore nothing but the T-shirt that barely touched her thighs, even her feet were bare. Part of her was sure she died or that this was an intense dream. The smell of gun powder was heavy in the air. When they climbed the basement stairs she couldn’t focus on what was happening around her. People she may or may not have recognized were going through the rooms. Glenn walked her towards the front door and her heart raced. Slivers of sunlight were coming in. It had been so long since she had seen the sun she didn’t know whether to run towards it or turn and hide away.
“It’s alright. You’re safe. I promise.” Glenn kept his tone hushed.
Jo turned to look at him and couldn’t think of the words to say. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her hand, putting her body in front of his. They walked outside and the sunlight was blinding to Jo. She winced and covered her eyes.
“Jo?” Someone asked her name.
“I think she’s in shock.” Glenn spoke. “All she will say is the word yes.”
Jo wasn’t speaking. She tried to open her mouth to correct them, but no words would come out.
“Shhhh,” a familiar voice said. “Everything will be fine.”
Suddenly it felt like Jo was floating. She wanted to pull her hands away from her eyes, but the sun was too bright. The floating sensation stopped and Jo realized someone had been carrying her. Wherever they set her down was shaded and she forced her hands down. Rick’s blue eyes stared back at hers. She didn’t know if she was dreaming or not and wanted to ask, but no words found their way to her lips.
Rick leaned over her and placed a kiss on her forehead. She wanted to push him away and scream at him to stop, but remained motionless.
“I’m going to get you to a doctor.” Rick looked at her with water in his eyes.
Jo wanted to grab ahold of his arm and beg him not to leave her, but still she did nothing as if she were not in control of her own body. He stood up and closed the door to the truck Jo hadn’t realized she was sitting in. She stayed in the fog as a stranger climbed in next to her and drove her away from the Sanctuary.
Rick
“I can’t believe she’s alive.” Glenn looked out at the pile of bodies.
“Girl’s a fighter.” Darrel took a drag of his cigarette. “How did she look?”
“Bad.” Glenn shook his head. “She sounded a little crazy too.”
“Enough!” Rick snapped. “There is a lot of work to take care of around here before we can head back. So instead of talking about people who sacrificed themselves to save our asses lets hurry the hell up so we can get home and thank them.”
Rick walked away from his friends. The siege lasted an hour, two tops. They hadn’t lost many men but Hilltop wasn’t so lucky, and neither were the Saviors. They had control of Negan’s sanctuary for eighteen hours before they found Jo. Rick had been so sure she was dead he didn’t even order a search for her.
Glenn was right. She did look terrible. Jo was always a small person, but she looked frail with black bags under her eyes, pale skin, dried lips, and a red nose. Her hair was longer now and it looked matted to her head. He never in a million years thought Negan would have let her live. It didn’t make any sense. If the Savior’s leader would have offered proof of life Rick and his group never would have attacked.
“Why did Negan want us to think Jo was dead?” Rick whispered.
“I was wonderin the same thing.” Daryl replied. “Would we have attacked if we thought she were here?”
Rick shook his head.
“Glenn mentioned Jo kept saying yes. What do you think that’s about?” Daryl asked.
Again, Rick shook his head.
“You don’t have to stay here. Glenn and I got things under control. You can go to Hilltop and stay with her.” Daryl raised an eyebrow at Rick.
“Maggie’s up there and Carol drove her. “ Rick continued to shake his head. “She will be fine without me.”
Rick walked back into the building and picked a room at random, ready to take inventory of what they could use. He tried to stay focused, but the image of her smiling face kept dancing in front of his eyes, morphing into the hallowed out shell he saw moments ago. How was he going to face her? How was he going to explain that he had given up on her? He was certain Jo had a number of unseen injuries and in the back of his mind he was unsure she would survive the night. He pinched his eyes closed. He was too much of a coward to go and see her. She deserved better than him.