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Jiang Yanli sat on the edge of the bed, draped in a red veil, waiting for her husband to come to her. Her hands clenched the fabric of her sleeves, her knuckles white. Her fingers started to cramp, and she made a conscious effort to relax, smoothing the wrinkled cloth against her legs until the trembling began again and she gripped her sleeves once more.
This wasn't the marriage she'd believed she would have, the one she had been preparing for her entire life.
If not for Wen Ruohan's quest for power, and Jin Guangshan's decision to support him in the conflict between Qishan Wen and the rest of the cultivation world, she would still be engaged to Jin Zixuan. Perhaps they might even have settled on an auspicious date by now.
But it was not to be. The remaining Great Sects wanted to present a united front that would draw the minor sects to their side in the conflict, so now she was married to a man she knew only by reputation. She didn't know how to be married. She just knew she didn't want a marriage like the one parents had.
She heard the door open and close. Quiet footsteps approached her and stopped in front of her.
"Hello." Her husband's voice was quiet, gentle.
The veil was lifted from her head and Yanli got her first close look at Lan Xichen, sect heir of the Gusu Lan Sect. Her new husband.
"Hello," she said, and gave him what she hoped was a serene smile. Based on the reassuring look she received in return, she may not have succeeded.
Lan Xichen sat beside her and handed her a small cup of wine from the little table that had been placed by the bed for that purpose. He held an identical cup in his other hand.
"Normally, alcohol is not permitted in Cloud Recesses. For good reason." He looked briefly amused. "We only need to take a small sip, to complete the ritual."
Yanli wasn't sure what to say to that, so she just nodded. They crossed their arms and drank, though Lan Xichen stayed true to his word and barely let the wine touch his lips. Yanli drank it all - it was hardly a mouthful. The warmth of it spread through her belly and stayed with her as they completed the rest of the rituals.
Once everything was cleared away, they were finally left alone. The warmth in her belly had faded, condensing into a cold knot. She knew what came next. She didn't feel ready.
Lan Xichen stood before her again. "Let me help you with these," he said, and he began to pluck the ornaments out of her hair. He laid them carefully on the small table that had held the wine. Every so often his fingers would brush her ear, and she had to suppress a shiver.
"Do you need help removing your robes?" His voice was so careful and gentle, she felt tears prickling her eyes.
Did she need help? They were so elaborate, and her hands were still trembling. It wasn't improper for her husband to help her undress. It wasn't improper for him to see her in her inner robes, or her underclothes, or even with nothing at all. "Yes, thank you." She hated how small her voice sounded. Wasn't she a Jiang? Wasn't her mother the Violet Spider? She was stronger than this.
Lan Xichen helped her stand, and together they removed each layer. Their hands brushed against each other occasionally, but he made no effort to touch her through her clothes with the flimsy excuse of helping her. Yanli supposed he didn't need to resort to underhanded tricks - the touching would come soon enough. She was still glad that he didn't try.
Finally, only her underclothes remained. She had never stood in front of a man in so little. It took all of her strength not to pull the blanket from the bed and wrap it around herself.
Lan Xichen took both of her hands in his. "Lan-furen."
It took Yanli longer than it should have to realize that was her. She was Lan-furen. Another thing she didn't feel ready for, despite a lifetime of training for it.
"You may call me Yanli," she replied softly. She was suddenly afraid of losing who she was under the weight of her new role. Who else here would call her by her name, if not her husband?
"Yanli," he repeated with a smile. He really was very handsome. "I realize this marriage is unexpected. I wanted to assure you…" He paused, looking down at their joined hands. "I won't impose on you until we grow to know each other better."
Impose on her? What- Relief flooded through her as she caught his meaning. "Thank you," she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.
"I'll leave you to your rest," he said kindly.
When he tried to release her, she held on to his hands. "I want you to know…I am willing."
"Willing?"
"I am willing to be married to you. To make a good marriage with you." Yanli didn't know how to explain it more clearly. She didn't want him to think she was longing for someone else - she'd seen what just the suspicion of that could do to a marriage. Greatly daring, she added, "And I look forward to getting to know you better." She looked at him meaningfully, her face heating up under his gaze.
Lan Xichen leaned down and kissed her forehead. "As do I." He gave her the same meaningful look she had given him. His ears had turned a charming shade of pink.
Then he bid her goodnight and left her to finish preparing for bed. This was better than she had let herself hope for. She wasn't in love with her husband, but she could come to love him. That comforting thought carried her to sleep. Her new life didn't seem nearly as daunting now.