Chapter Text
OttaWAGs
Today 10:15 AM
who wants to hear some gossip?
Cassie
aren't you at work?
this is important!
Cassie
you are a DOCTOR
okay fine
guess you don't want to hear about ilya rozanov's girlfriend…
Selena
roz's WHAT?
lisa!!! please!!!
Caitlin
lisa!!! you can't just say that and run away!!!
damn it cassie
Cassie
what did i do???
Today 1:39 PM
guys calm down
i got busy
you know. at work. where i am a doctor.
Selena
yes yes all hail dr. lisa
Caitlin
calm down??? you come in here talking about ilya rozanov having a GIRLFRIEND and you want us to calm down????
Selena
cait i think you need to cut back on the caffeine
Caitlin
caffeine is the only way i can function. you know this about me
Cassie
anyway!
lisa how serious is this? like how long have they been together?
first you know men don't have conversation. literally all i know is her name
it's jane btw
second i didn't know you were all so invested in roz's love life
Selena
girl that man has slept his was through north america and probably russia
they call him the Russian Sex Machine
and now you're telling me someone locked that down??
this should be an international headline
so glad you're being so normal about this sel
kinda don't want to tell you that roz gave wyatt her number so we could add her here
Cassie
WHAT
Caitlin
WHAT
Selena
WHAT
well i'm not gonna do it if you weirdos can't be normal about it
Caitlin
when have we ever been normal?
🙄
fine
Lisa has added Jane to the chat
Lily
Today 2:01 PM
Rozanov. Why the fuck was I added to a group chat called OttaWAGs?
because you are wag
The fuck I am
you are
Pretty sure you have to be a wife or girlfriend to be a WAG, Ilya.
ah but they don't know you are shane. think you are jane. jane is girlfriend. jane is wag
I hate you so much
no you love me
…Yeah. I do.
Fine.
If it will make you happy, I will play WAG
love you jane ❤️
Love you too, Lily ❤️
OttaWAGs
Today 2:46 PM
Um. Hi.
Lisa
jane! hi! we're so excited to have you here!
Selena
yeah we didn't even know roz had a gf
Yeah. It's…lowkey.
Caitlin
totally get that! must be hard dating THE ilya rozanov
Something like that
So, who is everyone? I need to know how to save you in my phone so you're not just a bunch of random numbers.
Cassie
oh duh! i'm cassie boodram
Caitlin
caitlin dykstra
Lisa
lisa hayes
Selena
selena chouinard
Chouinard? Parlez-vous le français?
Selena
je le fais!
oh i'm keeping her
d’où viens-tu?
Caitlin
guys. english please?
Selena
monolingual people are no fun 😒
i was asking jane where she's from
Well, fun fact, I was actually raised in Ottawa. But now I live in Montreal.
Cassie
booooo montreal
Lisa
cass. not the time.
Cassie
it's always a good time to shit on montreal thank you very much
Caitlin
ignore her jane. she likes hockey too much
I know the feeling. Ilya tells me practically every day that I'm too obsessed with hockey
Cassie
see!! i'm not that weird!!
Selena
yes you are
Cassie
🖕
Caitlin
you are all the worst
so jane we gotta know…how did you meet our lovely roz?
We met through work, actually.
Cassie
jaaaaaaaane please do NOT tell me you work for the metros 🤢🤢
Lisa
cassie.
Haha yeah I guess you could say I work for them
Cassie
ugh
everyone has their flaws i guess
Selena
wait! have you met shane hollander?
Lily
Today 3:32 PM
They want to know if I've met Shane Hollander.
make sure you tell them he is very boring but has big dick
I am NOT going to say that!
why? is true
Ilya…
sorry have to go to practice. love you. have fun with new friends
What? You don't have fucking practice today
Rozanov get back here!
Don't leave me on read you asshole
OttaWAGs
Today 3:56 PM
I've met him once or twice. He's quiet but nice
Cassie
ugh that's what everyone says about him 🙄
Is that…a bad thing?
Selena
please ignore cassie. she just really wants a reason to hate shane hollander
Why?
Cassie
because he's the enemy!! but it's real fucking hard to hate your enemy when everyone is always talking about how NICE he is
it's just so boring
Boring isn't always a bad thing
At least that's what Ilya tells me
Selena
awww that's so sweet
Lisa
i always KNEW that man was a secret softie. no one is that much of an asshole
Oh no he very much is an asshole. But he is also a huge softie. I'd say it's a 70/30 split.
Lisa
😂
Cassie
😂
Selena
get his ass jane 😂
Caitlin
hey so speaking of shane hollander….
Caitlin
smash or pass?
Selena
have you seen those calvin klein ads? definite smash
Lisa
seconded
Caitlin
yeah. thirded
Cassie
pass
several people are typing
Cassie
no hear me out! yeah he's probably the hottest man i've ever seen my husband included. but!! how fun would sex with goody-two shoes hollander actually be? you'd probably get three minutes of missionary and you'd have to get yourself off after he fell asleep
Selena
you have thought entirely too much about this
Caitlin
but counterpoint: he dated rose landry
Cassie
yeah for like a month. that's not the argument you think it is
Lisa
ANYWAY! we haven't heard from our newest member. jane smash or pass shane hollander?
Oh. Um.
Lily
Today 4:22 PM
[Screenshot]
I will murder you in your sleep.
smash
I want a divorce.
we are not married
I want to get married so I can divorce you and take half of everything you're worth for the pain and suffering you have caused me.
i love how sweet you are to me
Fuck off.
what are you going to say?
Obviously pass!
why? you fuck yourself all the time
i have watched you do it
you enjoy it
definitely say smash
I will not. And I'm blocking your number
call me later and i will tell you exactly how i want you to smash yourself
That's gross. Don't say that
so you will not call?
No.
shanya
please
i miss you
it's been too long
❤️🧡🩷💛🩵💙💜🤎🩶🤍🖤
🍆🍑💦🥵🔥
Jesus Christ. Will you stop? My phone is going crazy. Everyone is staring at me
🥺🥺
Fine.
I'll make Hayden sleep in JJ's room
remember to tell the girls smash!
I hate you and hope you lose tonight
OttaWAGs
Today 4:43 PM
Haha. Gonna have to say pass.
Kinda weird since I guess you could say I work for him.
Weird for me anyway. Never really wanted to date anyone I met at work
Caitlin
no one said date janie 😉
wait can i call you janie?
Yeah. I don't mind. Ilya has a million different nicknames for me. I'm used to answering to anything.
Selena
okay wait wait wait
you said you didn't date anyone you met at work. but you also said you met roz at work.
I mean…he's Ilya Rozanov. You've seen him.
I never stood a chance.
Selena
i mean. you got me there.
Lisa
so how exactly did you meet?
Cassie
yeah girl tell us the story
There's not really much of a story. I work for the Metros. I met him at the rink. We started hooking up.
It was casual for a while.
And then it wasn't.
Cassie
how long was it casual?
Selena
oooh good question cass. because i swear i've watched this man fuck his way through north america
Oh. Um. Since the summer before our rookie season
I mean HIS rookie season.
I started working for the Metros the same year so I always kind of think of that as my rookie season too.
Lisa
And when did you become exclusive?
Summer 2017
Selena
SEVEN YEARS??? if i was hooking up with the same guy for seven years without locking it down i would probably go insane
Oh trust me. I was absolutely going insane.
But he was worth it. In the end.
Cassie
well if that isn't the cutest fucking thing i've ever heard
Thanks ☺️
Lisa
okay i gotta ask and you don't have to answer if you don't want to
Uh oh
Lisa
but how come you guys are so secretive? if you've been together officially since 2017 why are we only meeting you now?
It's…complicated.
Maybe I'll explain one day, but I just can't right now.
Caitlin
that's okay janie. we'll be here for you if and when you're ready to talk
Cassie
totally
Lisa
once an ottawag always an ottawag
Selena
unless you're one of the girls dillon keeps insisting we add and then they break up after two months
Cassie
god don't remind me
Caitlin
i actually really liked the last one. miranda?
Selena
oh yeah! miranda! loved her! so sad when they broke up
Lisa
that boy is gonna be the death of me i swear
wait we're getting off track. jane you're one of us now
Selena
for better or worse you're stuck with us
Thank you
I don't have many people I can talk to about Ilya so this is…nice
❤️
Lily
Today 9:19 PM
Thank you for adding me to the WAG chat
you are welcome
i always have the best ideas
you'd think you would know this by now
Shut the fuck up asshole. I'm trying to be serious.
They're nice
And I think it'll be good to have people to talk to about you that aren't Hayden, Rose, or my parents.
Because I kind of just want to yell from the top of a mountain how much I love you.
hollander if i wasn't russian this would make me cry
I watched you cry over that old dog food commerical about the dog named Duck last week
anyone with a heart would have cried over that!! i am only human!!
Right.
But I also wanted to say that you can talk to your teammates about me. If you want.
Not ME me. But. You know. Jane.
I want you to have people to talk to too. I've been feeling guilty lately that it's only my friends and family who know.
You deserve your own people
Fuck. I'm rambling. Please shut me up.
hayden is gone, yes?
We owe him a week's worth of babysitting, but yes. He's gone.
Set up your tripod. Start getting yourself ready for me. I will call in 5 minutes
Okay yeah. I can do that.
Fuck. I love you so much
I love you too Моя курица
Did you just call me a fucking chicken?
I changed my mind. Don't call me.
that is not what you want and you know it
No. It's not. Fuck you.
soon
but only if you do what i told you
Fuck. Yeah. Okay. Five minutes
5 minutes