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After he’d started coding with X, Wels’ life had collapsed into a pit of admin duties. Though he’d spent the vast majority of his waking hours in X’s screen-room, it wasn’t all a waste of time. He’d learned a lot — he actually could understand the code without X explaining it, and was beginning to catch minor bugs that X had a hard time finding. He was also compiling data, but that was slow going. X didn’t tell him much about how to let one specific unauthorised person into the server, and since Wels didn’t have much time to access the screens alone, and also lacked an opped comm or a spark, he was kind of stuck. Still, he felt like he was getting there. If he could open a line of communication to Ex, he thought that he might be able to help them break in.
Today’s topic wasn’t very helpful for getting Ex back on the server, but it was pretty important. X had been tracking some failed tests in the respawn system, and while they had a one-in-a-million chance of happening, neither of them thought it was worth risking. While Wels could tell X was starting to get tired, and was also exhausted himself, the both of them didn’t have much choice in the matter: they needed to fix this as soon as possible. They were halfway through the information retrieval system when Wels began to get agitated. It started off normal — just occasional pangs of discomfort or fear that Wels was able to push away fairly easily. But the pangs of emotion continued to surge, making Wels’ hands tremble and his thoughts race, it got harder and harder to force the feelings away.
“Are you… feeling alright, Wels?” X eventually asked.
Wels’ face flushed.
“Y-Yeah. I’m fine.”
X frowned.
“Are you sure?”
“I…”
X laid a gentle hand on Wels’ shoulder.
“You should go home and get some rest. I can finish up the rest of this.”
“But—”
“I — I have it under control. I suspect this is the same problem we had a few months ago, and the patch is already starting to work. I can finish it in maybe ten minutes more. Please go take care of yourself.”
“I… alright.” Wels stood slowly, casting a glance at X once more. He looked decent, compared to how he sometimes looked on worse days. At least he seemed to be understanding the world around him this time. “Let me know if you need something.”
X nodded, and Wels left. He wracked his brain for any reason he should be feeling like this, and came up short. He wasn’t sick, nor was he stressed — at least, not any more than he’d been since he’d first learned of Ex’s bans. But then, why was he feeling like this? There was no explanation — Wait. Hels. The last time something like this had happened, Hels had been hurt. And he was feeling even worse this time, so… something had to be really wrong. Wels changed directions and headed for the Nether portal. He didn’t know what was going on, but if it was hurting Hels this bad then he needed to do something. He dashed for Hels’ home, arriving at the door after far too long. He knocked rapidly, waiting for the tell-tale shift of metal and fabric in reply. It never came.
“Hels!” Wels shouted, knocking louder. “I know you’re still mad, but please — come to the door! I just want to see that you’re ok!”
Nothing. Not a sigh, or a yell, or the shriek of a blade being unsheathed — nothing. Wels pulled the door open, stepping inside. He half expected to see Hels laying on his couch, perfectly fine. Instead he found a slightly messy room that was devoid of any life, save for himself. Wels stepped forwards cautiously. After a moment he started for the hall, turning down to find a room where light was spilling out into the hall. He hesitated when he reached it, but eventually knocked on the doorframe. There was no response.
“...Hels?” He called out quietly. “I could feel you through the mind bridge — what’s going on?”
When Hels didn’t answer, Wels slowly stepped into the doorway. He half expected the room to be empty. It wasn’t. Hels was sprawled out across his bed, his wings stretched out around him. He was staring through his own wings as if he wasn’t actually seeing them. Wels glanced down at the floor, and a trail of blood led his gaze forwards. There, lying on the floor, was a pile of bloody black feathers. Wels took a small step forwards, and was hit with the strong smell of iron. As he watched with growing horror, Hels pinched another feather between his fingers and tugged it from his wings. He tossed it over the edge of the bed, and moved for another.
“Stop!” Wels exclaimed, rushing towards him. Hels didn’t even flinch as Wels batted his hand away, taking it in his own hand.
Hels stopped for a moment, then moved to grab a feather with his free hand. Wels grabbed that one too. After a few seconds Hels slowly looked up, blinking at Wels.
“Go away.” He said.
“No. I — that was my mistake, before. I shouldn't have left you, I’m sorry.”
He slowly dropped Hels’ hands, and was relieved when the man didn’t immediately go back to plucking out his feathers. He glanced over the bare patch in Hels’ wings, grimacing. It was too large — with the rate he’d been doing this earlier, he must’ve been at this for hours. One hand reached out to gently pull Hels’ injured wing closer. He watched carefully for a flinch, ready to snatch his hand back, but there was none. The skin where the feathers had once been was obviously irritated, red even in sections that weren’t covered in blood. He let out a quiet sigh.
“Oh, Hels…” When he glanced over, Hels was still staring impassively past him. “This really needs cleaned up.”
He glanced around, his eyes landing on a red bag beneath Hels’ endtable. Snagging it, he nodded to himself when he saw it was a first aid kit. He opened it, pulling out some antiseptic cream and a cotton pad. When he glanced up again Hels’ hand was back in his wings, and Wels batted it down.
“Stop!” He called, pressing Hels’ hand firmly against the sheets. He didn’t move, and Wels resolved to work as fast as he safely could.
He gently grabbed Hels’ injured wing with one hand, disinfecting the injury. Hels’ breath caught in his throat for a single second, and Wels paused to let him adjust. It didn’t take long to bandage the bare section of the wing, and Wels lifted his head again to the knowledge that he really didn’t know what he was doing. Sure he could take a page from Hels’ book and immobilize him if he tried to fight, but… he was afraid it would only make things worse. If he made Hels panic, the urge to rip out his feathers would only get stronger. Wels bit his lip, rubbing his eyes.
“I don’t know what to do with you…”
Hels continued staring through him, and Wels sighed. He slowly moved behind Hels, manually pulling the man’s wings back out of his sight. After a moment he shuddered, seeming to come partially out of his haze, before sinking back into it with a heaving slump of his shoulders. Wels started to pick the debris out of Hels’ wings, and was slightly startled when Hels immediately sagged back towards him. The state of his wings were rough, and it had Wels cursing his own decision to just leave Hels alone. He should’ve done something instead of just assuming Hels could handle everything alone. Still, with every broken feather and rock Wels removed Hels relaxed just a little more, ending up lying on his side in front of Wels. He shifted some to see the other avian’s face, and found Hels asleep. Wels sighed quietly, gently sliding one of the thin blankets over him. Even with him being asleep Hels’ face was tensed, his eyebrows and lips pulled down into a scowl. Wels looked out at the boarded up window and dropped his face into his hands.
He should’ve seen this coming. Of course Ex being gone would make Hels too stressed out to function — they were practically the only person he talked to! He should’ve paid more attention to how Hels was doing instead of letting himself only focus on learning code from Xisuma. He… should’ve thought about Hels more than he thought about himself. Practically every time he’d found himself over at Hels’, he’d be there for his own reasons. He hadn’t checked in, hadn’t even considered that Hels might want that, let alone need it. He needed to be better. He quickly found himself lost in thought, mind spiraling through ideas of how to balance his work with Xisuma with ensuring Hels was ok. By the time Hels stirred enough to knock Wels out of his thoughts, hours must’ve passed. Hels’ eyes opened, flicking down to the blanket draped across his body. He sat up, turning to Wels.
“You’re… still here. Why?”
“I wasn’t just going to leave you like this.”
“Oh give it up, I’m not some baby that needs to be watched 24/7—”
“I’m not trying to baby you. I… I should’ve been looking out for you before now, but I didn’t. I got so caught up in trying to fix things that I forgot you might need me while everything’s still… messed up. I’m sorry, Hels.”
Hels blinked at him.
“You’re…” He sighed. “Ok, I don’t know what to do with that.”
“You don’t have to do anything. I just — I’m going to try and be better. I probably won’t stop working with X, being able to learn the server’s code from him is too useful to pass up, but I’ll spend more time with you. I’m not just going to leave you alone.” Hels’ face contorted with rage, and Wels hurried to say more. “I know you can probably handle this yourself. I know you’ve drug yourself through worse than this, but… I want you to be able to rely on me. You shouldn’t have to handle this by yourself. After everything you’ve done… consider it paying you back, if you refuse to accept it any other way.”
“So, what, you’ll be around more often?” Hels asked.
“Yeah. Especially when Ex is gone, I… we both have seen that nobody’s great with isolation, not even you. I… hope you can accept that, and not try and kick me out.”
“Wels, I…” Hels grimaced hard. “I already know. Why do you think I asked you to visit me after you talked to Xisuma the first time?”
“Oh, I — Hels I’m so sorry, I completely forgot about that… Everything was a mess after I talked to him, I kind of just threw myself into it. I ignored pretty much everything else after that.”
“...so is this you finally admitting that your relationship with X isn’t healthy?”
“I — No! X is, he—” Wels cut off with a shake of the head.
“I’m telling you, it’s a bad idea. You get close to him and it’ll only get you hurt.”
“He’s not like that.” Wels murmured. “I know his relationship with Ex is all sorts of messed up, but he’s not like that with me.”
Hels grumbled something beneath his breath, and Wels saw Hels’ his inch towards his wings. His eyes narrowed.
“Stop.” Hels froze, as if he’d suddenly become aware of what he’d been about to do. His hand dropped back against the sheets. The two stared at each other for a few moments. Hels’ shoulders slumped suddenly. “...what’s wrong?”
“...Wels, I can’t — I don’t know if I can control it.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“But what if we can’t?”
“We will. You figured out how to deal with me, I’ll figure out how to help you. I’m already better off than you were — at least you’re not running away from me.”
Hels chuckled weakly.
“Yeah… I guess so.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, Wels watching how Hels’ posture was unusually slumped over.
“I — Do you want a hug?” Wels asked.
Hels looked at him, and Wels froze. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. Hels glanced over at the door and boarded-up window, before shifting closer to Wels. Wels pulled him into a hug, wrapping his wings securely around him. Hels leaned against him, returning the hug weakly. After a couple minutes, it became clear that Hels was making no moves to pull away. Wels held back a low sigh and leaned into the hug himself. They’d be ok. Somehow…