Chapter Text
isamu's pov
god, i'd never thought i'd see the day.
i didn't really have an idea, or a picture in my mind on how it would go, but i'm just glad it's finally happening. geez, after all this time...
i didn't picture what she was wearing. her, with her lace and ribbon galore. her jean skirt that had her baby pink lace ribbon additions, with bows that decorated each belt opening. her tight sleeveless top, decorated with a polka dot pattern that went in swoops around her torso, in brown and pink. to lightly cover up in the middle of summer, she had a soft, semi-see-through fitting blouse-sweater that was barely being wrapped around her shoulders, the rest of the fabric clinging onto her arms for dear life after she turned around to face me so abruptly. it was a dusty rose, a color that complimented her so well.
when she spun around, she spun around on her heel. on her feet were royal milk tea colored mary janes, paired with white leggings that were just slightly dirty from all the walking and talking. she was looking at me with some of her hair strands blowing in front of her face, getting stuck because of the toasted mauve gloss that rested on the lips currently pouting at me. her lashes bat, but not in the way they usually do. she wasn't flaunting or trying to be annoying. just looking at her expression now, i didn't have to search for a sign of fear. it was plastered right on that beautiful face of hers.
i don't know how we got here, but i'm happy. or at least i will be, depending on how she'll act in the next few seconds.
but before that, how did this all start?
well, i remember stepping out of my office building, and a mix of heaven and hell hard-launched from there. jesus.
i spotted her first--her head was turned away for a bit before she could catch me--and my eyes immediately widened and my eyebrows shot up, before i turned around quickly. other people were walking down the street, so i hoped i could just blend in with the passers by. but my moment of unconfirmed peace shattered the moment she slapped me on the shoulder with a flyer she had in her hand. when i faced her, with a look that said, "leave me alone," i saw that the flyer safe in her palms was folded into some kind of fan. with a devious smirk and eyes that looked up, she opened up the paper and her face automatically lit up, so much that i thought little animated spinning flowers would start blossoming around her head. "shrine festival on saturday!" she rammed the unfolded flyer right on my face, making me stumble back.
"wh--?!"
with her hand landing on mine, she picked it up and placed the paper in my palm, "if you're late, you're dead!" then she put her fingers on mine and closed my hand, keeping the flyer safe in my grip. she turned on her heel and started to walk away, flashing me a smug look, pulling on her lower eyelid and sticking her tongue out. then she pointed at me, "you're picking me up, got that?"
chuckles escaped from her lips, and even though the sound of her laughter was wandering farther and farther away by ear, i could still hear her clearly in my head.
oh.
oh dear god.
y/n's pov
holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, did i just ask him out?! are you serious?! what?! oh my god, oh my god, oh my god--why did i do that? no, no--my life's over--why on this green and blue earth did i just do that? oh, fuck!
okay...it's not like i actually for realsies like him anyway, i mean, haha, i mean two people can go to a shrine festival and have fun and enjoy, right? regardless if they're a man and woman--oh, who am i kidding? isamu's not a man at all! he's so stupid! he's such an idiot! stupid! stupid, stupid!
but then again, it was me who initiated this hangout thing, and--and if he really is picking me up on saturday, then--oh shit! oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! no, no, he's not like that. he hates my guts. i hate his. every time i look at him, i just wanna--OUGH, he's so goddamn annoying! him and his stupid...his stupid...stupid tie! stupid messy dark brown hair! and his eyes! i hate how they're always trying to looking at...things and people other than me...always wandering off and never on me--what? no! no!
before i knew it, i was in my apartment, sitting on the floor, facing away from the closed door behind me. i stared into space in a daze while taking my shoes off. jesus christ, waiting around in heels! and i'm just barely above his chest with these? seriously, how the hell is he so damn tall? stupid isamu, with his long legs and insanely good stamina. insanely amazing stamina with the amount of running he does in my head. and it's not even just running, he's doing fucking jumping jacks and treating my brain as if it's some kind of bouncy house, always bouncing off of the walls and speeding marathons inside there, good god! he makes me so mad!
and we're not even friends, why did i think it was a good idea to invite him to a festival at our local shrine? i just wanted to annoy him as soon as he got out of work, but then--wait, why did i even need to annoy him? if i didn't, then i didn't have to deal with...whatever this is, and he wouldn't have to deal with me--well actually, i do want him to deal with me, but not like that! not like that at all! i just wanna mess with him, right? i waited hours in front of his office just to mess with him, right? just to mess with him? just to annoy him? not to see his stupid, totally not god-like face?
yea! yea, i just wanted to annoy him. i just wanted to mess with hi--wait, what? god-like face?
i didn't even change outta my clothes (which were super cute by the way; white miniskirt with two sewed on bows on it, paired with a light rosy camisole with lace at the ends of the fabric. oh yea, and for my shoes, i had my usual mary janes with these adorable frilly socks! cute, right?). i hid my face in my hands, slumping on the floor and letting the back of my fingers rest on the mattress of my bed. god-like face? wanting his eyes to really look at me for once? asking him out even though we hate each other? me? liking someone like isamu? or even worse, liking isamu himself? oh, shut the fuck up!
i spent the next few days contemplating on what i should wear, what kind of scent i should put on, what kind of makeup style i should go for, how i should do my hair, all that stuff. i mean, come on, my personality's already perfect (i hope), so the outside should be fixed at least.
well, it should be perfect for him if it's already like that for me. if he can't handle how i act, then why bother?
ah, but then again, i want him to handle how i act because i wouldn't be like this with anyone else. somehow, literally the only person i'm comfortable acting freely with is isamu. i mean uchiumi. i mean--what?
okay, i call him by his first name to mess with him. i don't even know if we're that close to call each other by our first names. but he calls me by mine, and i wouldn't say it pisses me off. in fact, i don't know how to feel about that. him calling me by my first name...not so bad, i think? i think. i think!! and i do the same, so it's not so bad, no...
calling each other by first names means something intimate. i widened my eyes. fuck off! i thought as i slammed my fists on my mess of a vanity. well, it sure is a vanity but it's not so fancy as it sounds. geez, all of my makeup products were scattered! at least my perfumes and fragrance mists were still organized, in a way.
also, on the top left of it, my mirror has several kiss marks in red, pink, basically many different lip colors because i wanted to try them out. they're pretty new, actually, those kiss marks, so it's not as gross as it sounds. also, there's a random picture of isamu right in the middle of all of those kissy marks. the photograph was slipped into my pocket while i was at work, and when i got home and found it, i totally crashed out. i mean, why did i have a picture of this ugly man that i didn't even want in my pocket? like come on, just because i'm standing around a rack of clothes for too long sorting pieces out doesn't mean someone can put such a devious thing in my pocket!
but then i thought, maybe i could do some kind of ritual with this picture. i didn't know how those worked though. just please, anyone who's up and out there, let hell unleash on this man!
and maybe hell did unleash on isamu, because i'm in his life. obviously. i'm only here to make his life a living hell. why his photograph is on the mirror in the midst of different colored kiss marks is beyond me. no, seriously! i don't know why it's up there, don't ask me. don't ask me!
okay, maybe i shouldn't have stood up so abruptly because holy shit, i've been up since three in the morning. i don't know why, but ever since i asked isamu out to the festival a few days ago, i literally have not been getting much beauty sleep like i should be. on my forehead were a few pimples that couldn't be popped because if they were, tons and tons more would appear! fuck! and dark circles have been forming under my eyes, too! i covered them up with concealer a few minutes ago while doing my makeup. well, actually...they don't look so bad. i saw this one post on pinterest that said, "my eyebags are designer," and ever since these circles have appeared, i've been thinking about that quote. yea, i wouldn't wanna romanticize insomnia because that's obviously not healthy but in a way, these eyebags are kinda cute? i don't know how to describe it, lol. wait. isamu also has eyebags. ew! no, i don't wanna look like him!
ugh, goddamn isamu! seriously, he always ruins everything! why does he have to suddenly show up in my head like it's nobody's business? ugh, i hate him. i hate him!
i heard the doorbell ring. rushing over to the door, i looked through the peephole.
oh holy shit, thank god he wasn't looking while i was. wait, what the fuck? he's here already?
shit, right! it's saturday! are you kidding me? oh my god--
he wasn't wearing his usual formal attire like i always see him wearing. well, some of it was still "formal" except it really wasn't. he was wearing a white button up with no tie, except he didn't button it up all the way, so just a tad little bit of his chest was showing. and the shirt was kinda being pushed in more because he had a leather jacket on, so that made a little more of...you know... show. or at least i think i know. i looked away as soon as i saw him! fuck off! and he had these sorta bluish-grey baggy jeans that were kinda washed out--geez, where does he wear those? i only ever see him in those work clothes. and, are you serious, platforms? platforms. platforms?! seriously, this guy's already so goddamn tall, like his fucking legs are the length of the burj khalifa, why the hell does he feel the need to wear platforms?
ugh, but festival today, so i can't even wear heels. i turned towards the door, grinning with rage. yet wearing heels won't work because this stupid idiot decided to wear fucking platforms even though his legs are like two giraffe's necks, i thought.
okay, well, i already took a shower like, thirty minutes ago so i don't have to worry about that. plus the shower and body products i use are sweet scented, and i guess mixing different scents will make me smell like the inside of a bakery. strawberry for the body wash and shampoo, vanilla for the conditioner, lemon meringue and marshmallow for body lotion, and honey for the face. well, the face lotion info isn't really that important because he's obviously not gonna know what my forehead or pink cheeks smell like because, well--because, you know? because... um... okay, forget it! fuck off!
i rushed over to my bed, hastily changing into the clothes i had prepared when i woke up. being wide awake at three am is an experience. when there's nothing to do, you find something to do. and that, for me, was building and breaking apart outfits to see which one was the best. and i finally had it. my laced jean skirt and a polka dot top i had thrifted recently with my dusty pink colored sweater with white tights and...ugh, mary janes. okay, i don't have anything against my mary janes, but seriously...wearing these next to isamu while he's got those fucking platforms on even though he basically towers over everyone with those long ass legs is gonna make me look like a ten year old. oh, the agony!
he kept knocking and ringing the doorbell while i was in the middle of putting on my shoes. as soon as i was done, i grabbed the bag that i had prepared at four am out of boredom. actually, not a bag, but a purse. see, there's a clear difference between the two. a bag could be anything. a purse is cute. i even decorated with a big white ribbon and some sparkly keychains~
pretty, no?
i flew out of the door, finding isamu in an instant. he was right outside, just on the left. some of my friends were outside, staring at the scene. i didn't even look at them but they were in the corner of my eye, so i just do this stupid thing called, "taking your sworn enemy's hand and running--"
wait, let me add a couple stuff.
i did this stupid thing called, "taking your sworn enemy's surprisingly soft and comfortably warm hand and getting the fuck outta there."
"wha--?!" i heard isamu say behind me.
i couldn't look at my friends. i couldn't look at him. i'm gonna be coming back home to a whole lot of messages in our group chat...
isamu's pov
good god, i've been waiting here for fifteen minutes already.
some of her friends got here, gawking at me for a minute. what, they can't comprehend that i'm here, y/n's literal arch nemesis standing by her door. i saw the looks on their faces. should they beat me up in order to protect their friend? oh well, i know damn well they won't. that kinda won't be a pretty sight to see in the public eye.
then came bursting out the girl i've been waiting for for what felt like an eternity. and, god damn, i even had my arms crossed and she still managed to grab my hand and run away like we were getting chased by some monster.
"y/n, what the hell?!"
"don't wanna be late, isamu!" she exclaimed, laughing nervously. i noticed her tight grip on my palm and her fingers fitting into the gaps of mine. woah, i never thought her hand was a perfect fit. not too small like a kid's, and not too big, obviously. just right. but this running thing was getting old. where the hell were we going?
then she stopped running and instead, slowed down to match my pace. she didn't let go of my hand until we reached the bus stop. she was swinging our arms that were connected through our intertwined fingers. how typical of her, to not let go despite it'd probably most in her character to do so. keyword, probably. it might be in her character to let go of my hand, or not. i mean, it's my hand we're talking about here. mine. i bet she flinches and jumps at the mere mention of my name, whether in a good way or a bad way.
and in a good way i mean, casually being caught off guard by someone mentioning the name of the person you like. huh, i wouldn't say she tries to hide it but lord, is she bad at it. i've noticed a lot of things about her. the way she always tries to annoy me just to interact because it's the only comfortable way she can. how whenever we meet, she's always hotheaded and throwing sass at me for literally no reason. but then she's always in her cutest clothes whenever i see her. when she notices me spot her, her hands on her hips and swaying, to let her skirt flutter slightly the moment her lips part and i hear her voice blabbing about whatever, just to chew my ear off. she's always fixing her makeup in front of me, trying to look perfect. but seriously...
mm...i don't wanna admit some things.
maybe i should stop myself from here.
we were quietly waiting at the bus stop, which was awfully weird since whenever i'm with her, she's always making me go deaf in both ears about something. or she would comment on how my hair looks, or how my totally "ugly," face looks, or the clothes i'm wearing--
"did you ditch the whole 'work' look just to look cool?" she said, turning to look at me. her eyes were squinted. "or is this your casual?"
i tilted my head. "oh? you think it looks cool?"
she leaned in, keeping her arms crossed. "i think you look ugly."
i was already used to this anyway. her words never stung at all. i could tell from the first moment i met her that she was obviously going to lie whenever she insulted. but i let her say these things anyway and play along, because it's fun. "ugly? me? says y--"
she was staring up at me, her shining, toasted mauve lips stretched out into a smirk. her lashes were long and full of mascara. her cheeks were powdered with the right amount of blush. she made sure to put on another cute outfit, probably the cutest one she's ever worn with the amount of decorations she added. her hair, naturally messy, had some of the strands blowing in front of her blouse sweater.
how could i call that ugly?
i stopped before i could say anything more.
so i don't even know how we got to this point. it's just like that with us. a few hours would pass by and we end up in some grassy area near the festival, by the river. where even were we? behind stalls? i didn't know.
"my feet hurt..." y/n mumbled in front of me. she was busy trying to balance while walking on different rocks. i raised an eyebrow. "probably because you're doing that," i said, following slowly behind with my arms crossed.
but they quickly unfolded when i saw her stumble on a rock, and with a little yelp and arms swinging from her, i caught up to her and held her like we were playing a little game of trust-fall.
"of course your feet hurt, dimwit, you're doing tightrope on pebbles near a water stream." i spun her around, catching her stunned expression. before she could say anything, i made sure to softly put her back onto solid ground. letting my palm meet her wrists, i gently pulled her arms up, letting her doing the same stance she was doing while walking. "sure, trying to balance your weight by equally holding your arms out like this might work but then again, your feet hurt, don't they?" i blinked, letting a small toothy smirk crawl up my face. i let go of her wrists. "be careful next time."
i started to walk down the path again, to god know's where. back to the stalls? the shrine itself? i didn't even know, but the amount of cherry blossoms in this area was astounding, but the flowers weren't in bloom this season. they just were, and we'd have to wait another year just to see them, all beautiful and at their prime.
noticing that there weren't any sounds of grass and pebble steps from behind, i turned my head back, expecting some kind of outburst. but instead, all i saw was y/n just standing there with her head tilted, looking at me with an expression that i could read so easily. her brows were soft and furrowed, and under them were eyes that stared at the man in front of her with a look of longing. her lips that had gloss reapplied recently, were slightly parted, showing teeth. she stood there, arms and hands to her sides, clutching the denim of her skirt.
i didn't say a word, or i just couldn't. with my back facing her like i was gonna continue on the path without her, i had my hands in my pockets. but i was halfway turned, almost wanting to fully face her but being too scared to do so. why now? in front of her, i appeared unbothered and calm but really, who can be so casual when it comes to talking to and laying eyes on a girl like her?
this wasn't our usual moment, all quiet and no one daring to speak about something. water from the river was flowing down next to us, serving as the sound in our silence. the night was still young, extemely young since it was only eight. the festival was ending in an hour. stars overhead, being seen through the leaves above, were somehow glowing even brighter than evenings before. and it was somehow not so hot for the year's warm season. maybe it's because we were under trees? the summer wind traveled through, and some loose sakura leaves flew around, passing by. then, as panic rose, i watched as y/n's head sunk down and her confidence that almost reached to a good level seemed to lower. i blinked. there was no way i was gonna let something like this pass, because we never knew when we'd get something like this again.
i fully faced her this time, catching her off guard. her eyes were widened, like she knew i had something to say. well, i knew she did. she just didn't wanna admit it, even at a time like this.
"what were you going to say?"
then, with her own grace under pressure, she walked over to me with her hands on her hips. i blinked profusely, not knowing if i should back up or not. then she leaned in, and with some kind of boldness, she said, "nothing, stupid." and she placed her hand on my face and pushed me away. i managed to steady myself before i could fall and crack my head open on the ground like an idiot.
y/n continued to walk in front of me. but i noticed she was all jittery, flexing her fingers and shaking her head, even though those motions were subtle.
mustering up all the courage i could get and feeling it swirl in my stomach, i uttered, "i'm not gonna keep anything from you."
she stopped, the crunch of grass under her mary janes coming to a pause. she turned her head, her chin falling on her shoulder. there she was again, staring at me like she had something to say. her eyes were big, but soft, as though her expression was hardening yet melting at the same time the more she looked at me. like a bunch of conflicted emotions bottling up and almost popping out of their cage. they were going to explode and get out into the real world, i could tell.
"i think you're really beautiful."
her lips quivered. the only other time i've genuinely seen her scared for her life was when we were dared to go on that ferris wheel that went up high...or when we were researching about urban legends on our own free time, and...good god. there were a lot of other times she looked like she was scared for her life. but goodness, this one was the worst. i was thinking maybe i'd gone too far. shit, did i?
with confidence that seemed like it would shatter with a single word, she stammered, "well--do you have any...any other things you wanna say to me?"
"mhm. y/n," i stepped forward, expecting her to walk backwards. but she didn't, and on the inside i was so proud of her for standing her ground. "i'm a detective. when it comes to things that confuse me, i just analyze my way through until i'm confident about whatever's the truth.. can i take your hands real quick?"
without taking her eyes off of me, she reached for my hands and held them tight. telling from her face, she was gritting her teeth and biting the inner part of her bottom lip. i tilted my head. "...o..kay..."
"this isn't because i wanna hold your hands, you stupid idiot."
"yea? then what's it for, then?"
"i don't know," she shrugged. "does there have to be a reason?"
"there you go. again. every time, you complicate my way of thinking, y/n. so i just have to always study everything that makes you so...confusing."
"oh, right!" she laughed nervously. "you're such an idiot that you can't figure it out right away!" she continued through her jumpiness. then she hastily removed her hands and started walking away again. i followed after her, slowly, to not scare her away. "again, it's a detective you're talking to. it's what i do. i can't figure things out right away, you know i can't. and it's a bit more difficult to do so when i know the girl i'm trying to study is always concealing something--"
"what?" she turned around abruptly, letting her hair fall behind her back. her blouse-sweater came off halfway. "what?! what am i concealing, huh?!"
her cheeks were flushed with a pinkish-red color. the wind that blew her way made several strands stick to her pouting lips. she seemed to still be gritting her teeth, but the more she looked at me, the more she lost her composure. "you know what you're like, isamu? you're like--you're like an acne spot! seriously! you're someone i can't get rid of! you're like a blemish on skin that's supposed to look dewy! you're like--you're like--"
"oh, someone you can't get rid of? says the person who waits outside my work like a dimwit, and holds my hand willingly, and always tries to talk to me, and--"
"so what?!" she marched up to me and stood right in front me, looking up. "so what if i do all those things? can't i do what i want?!"
"what's the reason behind all of those things?" i said softly, even though she was raising her voice.
"like i told you, i--don't--know!"
i tilted my head. "will one more thing in my voice let you spill out how you really feel?"
"how i really feel? pfft--" she scoffed.
stop putting on a show, i thought while not taking my eyes off of her. stop bottling everything.
"has anyone ever told you they loved you?"
she leaned back, her pupils dilating and her lips parting once again. she blinked, trying to form a sentence. i started to walk backwards for a second, towards where we came from, before turning my back and continuing to walk away. and this time i didn't know anything. if she was really going to be this stubborn, then i didn’t know how she'd react now. was she going to stop me? was she going to let me go? why the hell did i walk away? should i turn back? i didn't know. i didn't want to know until something would happen--
i felt her hand lightly grab mine at first, and then she squeezed it. i looked back and saw her standing there with her arm stretched out to meet mine. she had that same longing look on her face that she had earlier, only ten times more than it was before. like her expression was pleading for me not to leave. and i don't even know why i walked away in the first place. all i know is that it never felt good walking away in the first place.
there are some moments where it's just really difficult to maintain your happiness at a normal level. reassurance always makes me feel happy, because reassurance is comforting. her taking my hand and stopping me from leaving was reassurance. "how can you start leaving after saying something like that?" she snapped. oh good god, in those few seconds, i thought i'd never hear her snarky tone ever again. then her expression melted.
"you're such an idiot," she said quietly with a glaring but soft glaze.
a smile slowly crept up my face. i turned around fully, and felt her full force slam into me for a hug. i stepped back a bit, catching her and letting her wrap her arms around me. she snuggled up to my chest, murmuring, "idiot isamu..." with a positively frustrated voice. i hung my head and let it rest near the top of her head. i closed my eyes and asked softly, "what did i say to you again?"
"you tell me." she lifted her head up, and i looked down at her face that was once so angry. i shook my head, pretending i didn't remember. she knew damn well i was faking it. then her face lit up, like a light bulb had appeared on the top of her head. i saw her expression, like confidence was building up yet again. then she spoke, in a voice that sounded like it wasn't up to any good. "maybe this'll help you remember."
with a bold move, she softly cupped my face, and i had leaned in just so she could get my height. the color of her toasted mauve lips transferred onto mine, and i felt the gloss stick. the moment i felt what was so soft and plush, some kind of wave went through my bloodstreams, as though there was something sweet running through my veins. in that time, in that spot, if it was possible for a human being to melt into a puddle of whatever, then i would've been long gone and flowing with the river already.
when she pulled away, she looked at my dazed face. but she started to speak, even though she most likely thought i wasn't listening. "isamu, you're someone i can't get rid of."
"i know."
"and i don't wanna get rid of you, okay?"
"please don't."
she took a look at my still stunned expression. it was my turn to hold her face. i probably wasn't even all there; my mind was still thinking about how soft her lips were and how over the moon i'd feel if i ever were to experience what they felt like again. i stared at them, then to her other facial features. some pimples that she didn't cover up were starting to show. but they made her look unique, made me realize we were still growing. we're in our twenties, but it's not really about age. if there was ever gonna be a time that we would start, then we'd have so much learning to do.
i grinned, finally coming back to reality. "has anyone ever told you they loved you?"
"from what i heard, you did," she poked me in the chest. "stupid idiot."
rolling my eyes, i wrapped my arms around her and let my head rest on her shoulder. her hands ended up on my back, holding me close. my face broke out into a smile that i tried so hard to hide. i held her even tigher.
"dimwit," i whispered softly, my voice muffled into the fabric of her blouse-sweater.