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Language:
English
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Published:
2026-05-23
Words:
323
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
6
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21
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2
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gay math

Summary:

Coworker uses math to PROVE he's still straight despite dating Protag

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"nonono… just because we're dating doesn't mean I'm gay."

"? I didn't say anyth-"

"You could be as gay as you want, but I'm not dating you in a gay way."

"Is there some other way for you to date me?"

"Yeah, isn't that obvious? The ratio's still too big for me to be considered gay."

"What ratio?"

"The one of women to men I've dated! See, if I've dated 3 women — it was obviously way more than that, but work with me — and you're the only man I've dated, that means ¼ of the people I've been with were men. That means I could only be considered 25% gay, which is 0.25, and that rounds down to 0. So if you really bother to do the math here, I'm still 0% gay!"

"You're still- what? Slow down-"

"Slow down? On math as simple as this?"

"No, just… I think you're glossing over a few things. Do you think sexuality is based on who you've dated in the past?"

"What else would it be based on?"

"Who you're attracted to."

"Nah, that's unrealistic. All men have eyes on another man at least once in their life, everyone would be bisexual if it worked like that."

"Isn't it more likely that you're bisexual and overestimating straight men's attraction to other men?"

"No."

"…"

"Why, do you want me to be gay or something? You interested?"

"WE'RE ALREADY DATING."

"So that's a yes."

"Okay- so how does this work for people without dating experience? Do they just not have a sexuality?"

"Kind of? I think they're asexual."

"You think."

"They have to be, right? Either that, or their sexuality is based on attraction until they finally get with someone. Then their real sexuality can be determined from there.

"So you were kinda right! Everyone's bisexual by default, and THEN they turn gay or straight depending on what gender they've been with the most."

"I'm going to bed."

Notes:

this isnt even coherent to me