Chapter Text
Andrew was laying on his back, eyes closed, body tense. He took a deep breath before exhaling and realaxing. The story of how he ended up here, under Neil freaking Josten, was running through his head.
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"I told you you liked it", Neil grinned into Andrew's neck. His face was burning and he had his hands clenched into tight fist in his pockets.
"You like me", the ginger laughed again, before finding himself being showed to the ground.
A breathy "Yes or no?", an enthusiastic yes and the clang of a zipper later, Andrew was inside of Neil's mouth.
An angry moan escaped his lips, before he could settle for heavy breathing. Both were fully aware of their typical lack of privacy, with paper thin walls and eight flatmates.
Andrew pulled on Neil's hair exasperated. Years without intimacy were catching up to him, in a wave of frustration, anger but also imense pleasure.
It didn't take long for him to finish. A twitch of the body and tightened fists were the sign for Neil to stop. Only now did Andrew notice his friend's hand placement on his pants. He pushed at the guy, but the shove wasn't strong. His legs were barely holding him and out of nowhere an enormous wave of guilt swallowed him whole.
"Don't ever mention this again, jerk," he barked before closing his pants.
The ginger just looked up at him with a pleased expression written over his face, indifferent of the blond's quick disappearance out the room.
Andrew reached his room hastily and dropped onto the bed, having locked the door prior. He clutched his arms around his torso. This wouldn't happen again, he kept thinking. This was a one time thing. A slip out. A mistake.
But feeling of disgust wouldn't go.
The blade under his cuff felt so hot and inviting, but this wasn't what he had it for. So instead he grittet his teeth together and pressed his eyes shut. His finger nails digged into his skin, leaving deep marks, The black nail polish chippimg away.
The pain relaxed his body for a minute but wasn't enough to keep his mind quiet for long.
He missed the drugs that used to be a nice excuse for his reclace behavior. He wouldn't have care back then. He didn't have them anymore. He got up and pulled out a flask from under his mattress. The content was gone in one gulp and he fell asleep with a hand between his legs.